And 2 More Make 3……..
“God touched our hearts so deep inside, our special blessing multiplied.”
I must admit that I had a Maury Povich moment when we went to our fertility specialist today. I was hoping that if we saw more than one yolk sac that I would hear those magical words…”You are NOT the father!” No, I’m convinced it was a brief moment of psychosis when I heard the word….”TWINS!” I’m not sure where the idea of throwing myself into a bubbling vat of Ebola came from but I assure you it was brief. I totally started thinking, “Where did the twins come from? There aren’t any in my biological family? I don’t understand?” Ok, so maybe it was full blown “situational psychosis.” Already being a parent to a toddler has taught me that brief moments of “situational psychosis” seems to be accepted as a daily action most assuredly in public. So, my little stand alone moment in the doctor’s office was most definitely appropriate, I think. If someone tells you that they got that same news and didn’t at the very least think, “What the hell?!” I would have to say that they’re not telling you the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I must admit that I’ve had several laughs since that moment only a few hours ago about why I was actually having those thoughts.
Sometimes events surrounding fertility treatment can also be quite funny. I can’t tell you how much fun I have with the people at Walgreens when I tell them that I need to pick up my wife’s birth control pills. For once, I can understand what it must be like for a man to pick up tampons and pads. I usually don’t know whether to laugh or run. I just get the typical strange looks from the employees. So, I must respond in a rather humorous manner. I usually tell them, “Yea, we don’t need any slip ups! The doctors told me I had a low sperm count but you can never be too safe.” I usually just get a nod and a head tilt similar to that of a puppy. Sometimes you just have to have fun with ignorance. My brother, Levi Pierce, taught me that a long time ago.
I know that some will just from reading the blog and not even being around our family daily will think, “OMG, so much has happened already and your lives have been so chaotic. Why now?” Well, let me see if I can “splain it to you, Lucy.” So, the term “chaotic” does not even begin to explain what our lives have been like the last several years. Truly, we both wanted to wait a little bit longer just to be able to catch our breath. Here’s what it all comes down to………as a lesbian couple who are currently moms, we can’t just decide when the “perfect time” or “more appropriate time” would be better because without the fertility insurance that we have our costs to have a child runs $30,000+ every month we try. Most straight or gay couples have to have the savings or the ability to take out another mortgage to be able to do this even once. This, however, is not us. Melody was blessed with a job that has same sex benefits including fertility benefits. That was all about to come to a screeching halt as of less than a month ago because Mel’s current job within that company was about to be eliminated. That meant that we would have fertility insurance only until the end of December. So, our ‘baby making’ days were looking like they were going to end and very soon. We were scared and very sad. We looked at everything and said, “Well, now is not really the optimal time but we had to jump on this last opportunity.” With very minimal cost to us, we proceeded with the process of trying to get her pregnant by December.
As a gay couple, we have to take many things into consideration before having a child. The fertility process takes up most of the brain and emotional space backed up by legal concerns. We definitely want to move ‘closer’ but definitely not back exactly where we grew up. Unfortunately, that area of the country is not in the majority when it comes to equality for gay rights. We currently live in a state where both our marriage and my rights as a non-biological mother are also honored without having to adopt because we are legally married. We, by no means, are obligated to explain why we made the decision to have another child to anyone. Here’s just a little “bird’s eye view” of what it takes for us to be parents. No daddies other than “donor daddies” are in this house or are involved in this process. These babies were actually fertilized into embryos the same time our almost 3 year-old son, Marshall. These were our “frozen babies” which also have to be paid for yearly to be kept on ice. I’m also knocking on 40 years-old so, we really needed to get on the ball despite what all has been going on.
We transferred two embryos just like we did with Marshall in the hopes that only one would take. However, unlike when we conceived Marshall and lost the other embryo, both of these took. That is a chance that we as a gay couple have and had to be willing to take each time. We could have transferred only one and taken the chance of not conceiving and running out of time. As life would have it, Mel was offered a different job with the same company and we now have the same benefits. When you don’t know for certain what life might hand you, you have to be willing to take risks and live with the outcome. We transferred two frozen embryos a couple of years and neither of them took. And then it seemed that life had once again hit the gas pedal.
I have personally always taken risks. Some decisions were good and some were not. Mel and I have, for the most part, had to deal with this alone in the beginning because our “lifestyle” was not accepted. We have proven that we can be parents and make it happen on our own if need be. Is this a decision that I regret? Absolutely not! I wouldn’t change our trials of not being accepted as a family by both society and certain family members for the gift that we have both been given as a couple and as a family. Life has taught us many things through the gift of our son. He makes everything seem ok among the chaos. Has it been easy? No, but nothing ever has been for either of us even before we met.
So, sometimes when you think you have everything planned the way you want it, the universe has a good chuckle and says, “oh yea, watch this!” We do now and will continue to embrace our roles as spouses and parents. But, make no mistake; we are finished with baby making after this go round. And no we don’t have to worry about having tubes tied or accidental pregnancies. Just a bonus, I thought I might add. We are going to embrace these babies and continue to live our life as a normal family with sometimes abnormal circumstances.
I have a total of four reasons for both living and to attack my very puzzled past and present with a vengeance. Painful as hell is what this recovery has been and will continue to be for a while. Mel and I are both warriors that face life like this……”Tell us we can’t accomplish something, and we can assure you that you will be proven wrong.” This isn’t a spiteful stance just one of the signs of a strong couple who loves each other dearly. And a family that perseveres no matter how it might look; what people think; or what it takes to have a minority family and keep it together. We struggle just like every other family ours is just made up of two mommies, a little boy, two yolk sacs and a lot of love.
I would totally go through all of the abuse of 14 years from my previous heterosexual marriage again to know that in the end I would eventually hit the jackpot!