Catnip

darnold1975

The Gay Agenda, But Make It Catnip: A Household Report on Trump-Era LGBTQ Changes

“When the world starts smelling like political mildew, light the charcoal. Call your ancestors. And let the queer folk lead the way back to sanity.”

-This Puzzled Life

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. The energy in this house, and frankly, in this entire country, has gotten so funky that even my cats are refusing to walk through certain rooms without spiritual PPE.

I woke up this morning with my hair looking like a disgruntled possum. Before I could even sip my coffee,  the cats were holding a household meeting about “the state of the union.” Which is always a bad sign. Coco had a clipboard. Tink was already in the hallway wearing her imaginary reading glasses. Which were radiating the kind of disappointment usually reserved for people who microwave fish at work. Piper also whispered, “Ma’am, the political nonsense has reached critical levels. We need a blog post before Tink files a grievance.” She was chewing on the corner of a cardboard box like she was absorbing strength for the battle ahead. And she was also eating the minutes.

And here we are. I’m half awake. Half-caffeinated. Fully irritated. And spiritually powered by coffee and queer rage and fully done with the world. The cats, unionized and dramatic. The political landscape is acting like it needs to be put in time‑out with no tablet. And I’m ready to unpack the latest political nonsense like it’s a Walmart bag full of mystery items you forgot you bought.

Let’s begin. The cats have taken their positions. Tink is pacing like a union rep preparing for a strike. Coco is perched in a sunbeam like a disappointed CEO. And Piper is licking an outlet for emotional support.

Filed by Piper (Gremlin-at-Large), Tink (Union Rep), and Coco (CEO of Sunbeams)

Ladies, gentlemen, gays, theys, strays, and anyone who has ever been personally victimized by a legislative session. welcome. I, Tinkerbell, your local union rep and part‑time conspiracy theorist, have called this emergency press briefing because the humans are stressed. The news is chaotic. And the federal government has once again discovered a new way to make LGBTQ folks’ lives harder. And when the humans are stressed. We are stressed. And when we are stressed. Someone’s shower curtain is getting shredded. That’s democracy, baby.

Coco here. CEO. Visionary. Keeper of Warm Spots. I run this house. And I run it with dignity. That’s something certain political leaders could try sometime. Let’s talk about these changes that have been rolling out like a bad reboot of a show nobody asked for.

1. Policies targeting transgender people

Tink’s summary: “Why are they obsessed with people’s gender? They can’t even manage their own hair.”

From restrictions on gender‑affirming care to attempts to limit trans people’s rights in public life. The changes have been hitting the trans community hard. Tink’s official stance: “If someone tried to regulate my litter box access, I would simply bite them.”

2. Attempts to roll back protections for LGBTQ workers and students

Piper interrupts, “We in the Feline Union stand firmly against workplace discrimination. Especially discrimination that interrupts nap time.”

Some policy shifts have weakened protections for LGBTQ employees and students. And this is making it harder for queer folks to feel safe at work or school. Piper’s stance is, “If anyone tried to discriminate against me, I would scream at 3 a.m. Until they reconsidered their life choices.”

3. Changes affecting LGBTQ families and adoption rights

Coco says, “Imagine telling someone they can’t adopt because of who they love. Meanwhile, I’ve seen humans who can’t even keep a houseplant alive.”

Some policy changes have made it harder for LGBTQ couples to adopt or foster children. Coco: “We support all families. Especially the ones who provide snacks.”

4. The demonization of the LGBTQ community. Especially trans folks

Piper: “Oh, the irony. The same people clutching pearls about ‘protecting children’ are the ones passing laws that harm them.”

Some political messaging has painted LGBTQ people, especially transgender people, as threats or problems. Tink: “If anyone is a threat, it’s Coco when she hasn’t had her 2 p.m. zoomies.”

Piper here. I’m the emotional support gremlin. I don’t understand politics. But I do understand vibes. And the vibes are rancid. Let me tell you what I’ve observed. The humans are tired. The queer humans are extra tired. And the trans humans are tired, angry, and carrying the entire moral backbone of the country on their shoulders. And the cats? We’re eating plastic. And knocking things off counters in solidarity.

Coco’s official statement: “Stop targeting LGBTQ people. They’re fabulous. Also, give me treats.”

Tink (adjusting tiny glasses): “We stand with the LGBTQ community. We stand with trans folks. We stand with queer families. We stand with drag queens, bisexuals, nonbinary babes, leather daddies, sapphic aunties, and anyone who has ever had to explain their pronouns to a man who thinks Wi-Fi is witchcraft.”

Coco (basking in a sunbeam): “We reject policies that harm queer people. We reject discrimination. We reject cruelty. We reject anything that interrupts my naps.”

Piper (chewing a cardboard box): “We reject bigotry. And also, gravity.”

And that, my friends, concludes today’s episode of “Why Are Humans Like This?” starring a government that needs therapy. A household that runs on chaos. And three cats who have officially drafted a cease‑and‑desist letter addressed to bigotry itself.

Coco has stamped it with her paw. Tink has notarized it with a dramatic sigh. Piper tried to eat it, which counts as approval. Coco has filed the paperwork. Tink has approved it with a single judgmental blink. Piper tried to eat the evidence, which honestly feels symbolic.

Coco: “If the government wants to keep messing with LGBTQ rights, they should know this household is ready. We have claws. We have opinions. We have a gremlin.”

Tink: “And we have a human who writes like a Southern Shakespeare with boundary issues.”

Piper: “So consider this your warning. Stop targeting queer people. Or we will knock over everything you love.”

Let me say this with the clarity of a Southern auntie who has had enough. And also, loud enough for the ancestors, the neighbors, and the lawmakers who pretend not to hear. Queer people aren’t the problem. Cruelty is. And this household does not negotiate with nonsense. Queer folks deserve safety. Trans folks deserve dignity. And bigotry deserves to be escorted out like it just caused a scene at Applebee’s. 

This household stands with the LGBTQ community. We have claws out. The sage lit. The charcoal glowing. And Piper ready to scream at anyone who needs a reminder. The cats strut away like they just won the Miss America pageant. They exit the room in slow motion. With tails high. And theme music swelling. Thanks for reading! Happy Pride!

Affirmation: My spirit is steady. My boundaries are blessed. And my queer joy is non‑negotiable. No law, no headline, and no nonsense can dim the light I carry. Or the claws backing me up.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

Lighting Charcoal for Jack Herer and Accidentally Summoning My Cats

“Some celebrations are planned. And others are summoned by sage, chaos, and creatures with no respect for gravity.”

-This Puzzled Life

 Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Today, my friend, we are not merely celebrating a birthday. We are honoring the patron saint of mellow chaos himself. Jack Herer, the botanical Benjamin Franklin of “everybody calm down and drink some water.” And of course, my cats have taken this as a personal invitation to behave like they’re hosting the Met Gala of herbal enlightenment.

The moment I lit that charcoal and waved the sage like I was clearing out 300 years of generational foolishness, Piper strutted into the room wearing the energy of a cat who has absolutely Googled “how to roll a joint with no thumbs.” Coco followed behind her, pupils dilated like she’d just seen God or a laser pointer. Tinkerbell brought up the rear, dragging a toy mouse like an offering to the ancestors. I said to them, “Girls, we are honoring Jack Herer, not summoning him.” But they were already in full celebration mode.

Tinkerbell hopped onto the coffee table. Sat directly in front of the incense. And closed her eyes like she was leading a guided meditation for stressed-out houseplants. Every few minutes she’d crack one eye open to make sure I was watching her be spiritual. She’s the only cat I know who can turn a birthday celebration into a TED Talk.

Coco wandered into the kitchen. Opened the cabinet (don’t ask me how). And dragged out a bag of Temptations like she was preparing for a munchies marathon. Then she sat in the middle of the floor and stared at me with the intensity of a cat who suddenly understands the universe. She blinked slowly, which I think meant, I have transcended. Bring snacks.

Piper decided Jack Herer’s birthday was the perfect time to knock over every plant I own. Every. Single. One. She strutted through the living room like a tiny, furry botanist who had just discovered gravity. Then she sat in the dirt. And was very proud of herself. Just like she had personally cultivated the strain.

By the time the celebration reached its peak, the cats were sprawled across the couch like three exhausted festivalgoers who had eaten too much. And spiritually ascended at least twice. I sat there too. Sage still smoldering. Charcoal still glowing. And wondering how Jack Herer would feel knowing his birthday had turned my living room into a Southern-fried cat commune. Honestly? He’d probably nod, smile, and say, “Yeah that tracks.”

And just like that Tinkerbell knocked over the incense. Coco stole the snacks. Piper ate a leaf. And I realized that this household doesn’t need Jack Herer to get lifted. We stay elevated. Thanks for reading! And Happy Birthday, Jack Herer!

 Affirmation: I honor the wild, the sacred, and the ridiculous in equal measure. My life stays blessed, messy, and beautifully mine.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

Merry Christmas From Piper, Coco, And Tink

“You had me at meow.”

-Unknown

Piper: “When’s our next holiday?”

Me: “Funny you should ask. It is called Christmas.”

Piper: “And what happens then?”

Me: “Well, it’s another holiday where we spend time together as a family. Except this time, we leave catnip and treats out for Kitty Claus.”

Piper: “What does Kitty Claus do?”

Me: “He brings toys and snacks to all the cats all over the world.”

Piper: “Whoa! How does he do all of that?”

Me: “Well, Kitty Claus has a sleigh that’s magically powered by catnip. And then while all the cats are sleeping, he comes to where they are and leaves out gifts. And then he goes to the next area. And we leave out snacks with some tuna juice out to make sure he doesn’t get too hungry.”

Piper: “Oh, momma. What a great idea! I just love Kitty Claus.”

Me: “But have you been good this year?”

Piper: “Momma, I have been the best. Coco hasn’t because she’s grouchy and has been smacking me ever since I had my surgery.”

Me:  “Weren’t you around a lot of other animals?”

Piper: “Yes ma’am.”

Me: “When you come home and you smell funny, sometimes it scares other cats. Plus, you were definitely “bobbing and weaving.” And the smell of other animals stays in your fur for a while. And when you come home and start swatting  things in the air that aren’t there it is kind of understandable. Don’t you think? 

Piper: “You mean to tell me that I smell like a dog too?”

Me: “Ummmm….Yes you do!”

Coco: “Hello. I do have my own voice. Let me explain something little feline. I smelled the residue of a thermometer and those horrible dogs on you. Do you want to smell like those things?”

Piper: “Oh. I never want to smell like them. They are definitely the lesser of the animal species. And by the way, I was smelling colors and playing with butterflies.”

Tink: “Yea the ones that were not visible to the rest of us. But it’s ok. We did the same thing after our surgeries. It’s ok, kiddo. Coco is the oldest and, by far, the grouchiest.”

Piper: “I love you two. Ya’ll are the best! You teach me so many things. How are my manners?”

Coco: “There is always room for improvement.”

Tink: “Coming from the one who walks across momma in the mornings always putting her internal organs are risk? And the one who breaks into the tub where the cookies stay, and helps herself to a buffet?”

Me: “Ok girls. That’s enough. Everyone makes mistakes and Piper is still learning. But Coco, that does hurt when you walk across me in the mornings.”

Coco: “When I’m starving, my vision starts to become blurry. So, I need to be able to wake you up to feed me so that it doesn’t become permanent.”

Me: “Coco, you are not losing vision from being hungry. And I do not do things based on your inability to be patient.”

Tink: “Piper, you are doing better.”

Piper: “Thank you, Big Sissy. Momma, can we put out the yummies?”

Me: “Yes we can. And then ya’ll need to go to sleep so that Kitty Claus will bring your gifts.”

Coco: “Fine. But I need more cookies.”

Me: “Ok everyone needs to use the litter box and decide where they want to sleep.”

Tink: “I’m sleeping in front of the heater.”

Coco: “Oh me too.”

Piper: “Oh, I want to sleep in front of the heater too. Momma, come help me. I want to hurry and get into bed so that Kitty Clause brings my toys and snacks. Will you hold me while I go to sleep?”

Me: “The problem with that is that you will never get still. And then you just start chewing on my fingers.”

Piper: “That’s because they’re my binky.”

Me: “Well, don’t use my fingers as your binky. Go use the litter box.”

A few moments later

Piper: “Ok, momma. Wow! It looks great!”

Me: “Ok baby. Let’s go get in the recliner and I’ll hold you for a few minutes.”

Piper: “Yippee! Night big sissies!”

Coco and Tink: “Good night Piper.”

Piper took several minutes to gently lick and then chew my fingers while also being squirmy. I put her on her bed. All of the girls began taking their final baths for the day. And I watched videos on my phone. After several minutes, I looked up to find them all sound asleep. My family finally felt complete. Things get loud and crazy with the boys and the cats. But I smiled and realized, at that very moment, what Christmas was all about. It’s not about how much catnip and treats that you own. It’s about the type of unconditional love that can only come from some humans and all animals. And despite what the world might think, Coco, Tink, and Piper, love me no matter what.

Affirmation: I am worth treats and adoration.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife