This Puzzled Life is a mental health and recovery blog exploring addiction, trauma healing, LGBTQ experiences, humor, and the strange moments that shape us.
“Leadership isn’t about explosions, ego, or firing everyone who disagrees. It’s about protecting the people you’re responsible for.”
-This Puzzled Life
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Grab the ancestors. Every ancestor from the Delta to the foothills is gathering around the fire pit. And clutching their pearls whispering, “Lord, this fool again?”
Secretary Pete Hegseth is a man who has turned the Pentagon into a haunted Waffle House with missiles. He is also known as “Secretary of Cirrhosis,” “Pete Kegsbreath,” “Whiskey Pete,” “Colonel Vodka,” and “Secretary of Jägermeister.” He has once again turned the Department of Defense into a demolition derby run by a man who thinks leadership is just yelling “send it” at a map he can’t read. And firing anyone who doesn’t look like his reflection.
This is the saga of a man who wakes up every morning. Salutes himself. Flexes in the mirror. And then proceeds to commit international incidents so stupid they make raccoons look like Nobel Prize winners. Let’s dive into all of his stupidity.
Firing Gay and Trans Soldiers
Pete strutted into the Pentagon and declared, “We’re restoring traditional values.” While also having affairs and paying off women to keep their mouths shut.
Translation: he fired gay soldiers, trans soldiers, and anyone who dared to have a personality. The ancestors collectively rolled their eyes so hard they sprained a spiritual muscle.
Disenfranchising Black Soldiers
Then he decided Black soldiers were “too political.” Which is rich coming from a man whose entire personality is a protein shake and a conspiracy theory.
He stripped them of roles, promotions, and dignity. And then acted confused when morale dropped faster than his approval rating.
Getting Rid of Female Service Members
Pete claimed female service members were “a distraction.” Which is hilarious because the only distraction in the Pentagon is Pete himself. He’s wandering around shirtless. Flexing. And mispronouncing countries.
He fired women left and right. Then wondered why the military suddenly had the emotional maturity of a middle school dodgeball team.
The USS Abraham Lincoln Horror Show
And then came the USS Abraham Lincoln scandal. Soldiers and their families reported horrific conditions that included:
Mold in the sleeping quarters
Sewage leaks
No working AC
Food that looked like it had already given up
Rats bold enough to request rank
Pete ignored every report. He said the ship was “fine.” He said the soldiers were “dramatic.” He said the rats were “part of the ecosystem.” The ancestors started lighting sage like it was a bonfire.
The Fishing Boat Fiasco
Pete claimed fishermen were trafficking drugs. They were literally just fishing. For fish. Not cocaine catfish. Not heroin haddock. Just fish. He bombed them anyway.
Bombing a School of 160 Girls
Pete pointed at a satellite photo and said, “That’s a terrorist camp.” It was a school. A school full of 160 girls learning math, science, and how to survive men like Pete.
Bombing a Wedding Ceremony
He later approved a drone strike on what he believed was “an enemy gathering.” It was a wedding. A wedding with a string quartet, a chocolate fountain, and a very confused officiant.
The Unlawful War in Iran
Pete misread a meme and declared war on Iran. Congress said no. The Pentagon said no. Pete said, “Too late, I already tweeted it.”
10 Crimes Committed by Secretary Pete Hegseth
Bombing innocent fishermen who were literally just vibing.
Bombing a school of 160 girls learning multiplication.
Bombing a wedding because he thought the string quartet looked suspicious.
Launching an unlawful war in Iran because he misread a meme.
Firing gay soldiers for existing.
Firing trans soldiers for breathing.
Disenfranchising Black soldiers for having opinions.
Removing female service members because he’s threatened by competence.
Ignoring horrific conditions on the USS Abraham Lincoln.
Declaring martial law in a Waffle House parking lot “for training purposes.”
The ancestors are now chain‑smoking imaginary cigarettes.
And there you have it. The tragic, comedic, catastrophic tale of Secretary Pete Hegseth. A man who proves daily that power in the wrong hands isn’t just dangerous. It’s slapstick tragedy. He is not a leader. He is not a strategist. He is a walking, talking cautionary tale wrapped in ego, chaos, and the belief that consequences are for other people. And after all of that, I would be an alcoholic too. Mic dropped. Floor cracked. Ancestors nodding in exhausted agreement. Thanks for reading! Get out and vote.
Affirmation: I release chaos. Embrace clarity. And refuse to let anyone with a title and a temper ruin my peace.
“Corruption is worse than prostitution. The latter might endanger the morals of an individual, the former invariably endangers the morals of the entire country.”
-Karl Kraus
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. I know that the descriptions of these sub-humans is getting old. However, I think it’s pertinent to the time that we are experiencing. This one is the last. I apologize for the length. These are some of the individuals that are responsible for the fall of democracy.
1. Pete Hegseth: Kegseth/Hogsloth/Whiskeyleaks/Pete Kegstand/a DUI hire/Capitan Morgan/Pete Kegsbreath/Triple Sec of Defense. Secretary of War. He is our government’s token alcoholic and war criminal. And though he has military experience, he “kisses the ring” of Donald Trump and not the constitution. There is no greater disgrace. He was also a FoxNews anchor, where in 2016 he criticiaed the president’s demands that “military officials should ignore the rules of war to achieve their goals.” Yet he is currently being investigated for war crimes relating to the illegal bombing of fishing boats off the coast of Venezuela, Colombia, Ecuador, and Peru. Yet Donald Trump pardoned the former President Juan Orlando Hernandez, a cocaine narco-terrorist, who was serving a 45-year prison sentence for conspiring to import over 400 tons of cocaine into the United States. And Hegseth is currently being investigated for war crimes which were not “protecting America.” It was mass murder on the world stage.
2. Stephen Miller: aka Weird Stephen/Submissive Stephen (SS)/The hipster undertaker/White nationalist Dracula/Dead Eyes/Baby Hitler. United States Homeland Security Advisor. He wants to shut down all forms of immigration to the United States. And he demonizes immigrants, regardless of immigration status. He cares about nothing but White Power. An external White House adviser, in Vanity Fair repots said, “Stephen actually enjoys seeing those pictures at the border.” Keep in mind that the pictures are of families being torn apart in the name of immigration and leave children sometimes never seeing their parents ever again. Miller responded that the administration’s decision to implement the policy of zero tolerance was “a simple decision.” Miller also started working with far-right hate groups while studying at Duke University. He worked with David Horowitz Freedom Center, which was an anti-muslim hate group that organized the “Terrorism Awareness Project.” To him the project existed to “make our fellow students aware of the Islamic jihad and the terrorist threat, and to mobilize support for the defense of America and the civilization of the West.” And that, my friend, sounds like German propaganda from the Nazis. With his bald head if you’re looking for him, he will resemble something like a rectal polyp.
3. Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.: Microwaved Mel Gibson/The most dangerous nepo baby in American history/Predator/ Secretary of Department of Health and Human Services.He might have the last name Kennedy. But he is not the embodiment of that legacy. He is an absolute idiot of epic proportions. He is an admitted heroin addict. Now how much healthier could the representative from the Department of Health be? In fact, he contracted a pork tapeworm that caused cognitive issues, memory loss, and brain fog. It eventually died off. However, I think we all know that the poor worm probably died of starvation from RFK Jr.’s lack of brain matter. So, I would consider that a form of animal abuse. And truly, he seems to have never recovered from that disaster after some of his absurd claims. And just for the record, he doesn’t believe in medical science. Here are a few idiotic claims to ponder.
a) Vaccines and Autism: He has repeatedly promoted the claim that vaccines cause autism. Medical and scientific consensus firmly states that there is no link between the two.
b) Covid-19: He claims that COVID-19 was genetically engineered, These claims have been condemned as antisemitic and racist.
c) Tylenol and Autism: Kennedy and Trump made the claim that women who took Tylenol in pregnancy increased the risk of autism in their children. Experts also refute this claim stating that Tylenol is one of the few safe pain relievers for pregnant women.
d) Chronic Disease Statistics: He falsely stated that the percentage of Americans with chronic diseases increased from 3%-60% since his uncle was president. Thank God for fact checkers as the actual percentage was 44.5% in the 1960s. And the current rise is attributed to longer life expectancies and better detection methods.
e) Antidepressants and Mass Shootings: He states that the use of antidepressants caused a higher rate of mass shootings. This is a claim that scientists say has “no biological plausibility.”
f) HIV/AIDS: He has also made claims that there were “much better candidates than HIV for what causes AIDS” and “African AIDS is an entirely different disease from Western AIDS.” And that is utter bullshit. They are the same.
g) Safety of Vaccines: He stated that there is “no vaccine that is safe and effective.” And also called the COVID-19 vaccine the “deadliest vaccine ever made.” Again, the only thing that stopped the pandemic was the COVID vaccine.
His claims are absolutely ridiculous. There are other claims about ivermectin, chemtrails, brainworms, fluoride and 5G technology. Why do we have someone in charge of this department that doesn’t believe in medical science? And as you can see throughout the nation, childhood diseases once thought eradicated are coming back to kill us all. Before you take anything serious coming from the Department of Human Services, do some fact checking.
And apparently he and ex-flame and disgraced journalist Olivia Nuzzi. And well, the raunchy poems and text messages indicated “felching.” This term describes a sexual term us when one sexual partner sucks semen out of another partner’s anus or vagina following unprotected penetrative sex. One of his poems read, “Your open mouth awaiting my harvest. I mean to squeeze your cheeks to force open your mouth. I’ll hold your nose as you look up at me to encourage you to swallow. Don’t spill a drop. I am a river. You are my canyon. I mean to flow through you. I mean to subdue and tame you. My love.”
Oh my God! I’m going to vomit. Yep, that is the disgusting human being that is running the government’s health program. I am even more firm in my commitment as a lesbian right now. And I just can’t seem to answer the question, “What exactly qualified him to do anything with health?” In the meantime, diseases once considered eradicated are now coming back with a vengeance and our children and our families will slowly begin to die off.
4. The United States Supreme Court: This is the ultimate and most prestigious judicial court in our country. And it, for many years, has been one of integrity. It is anything but that now. They continue to make rulings based on the wants of Donald Trump with no respect for our country’s constitution. They are weakening anti-corruption laws, being paid in luxury travel and gifts funded by billionaires. And this is what is stopping the “entire administration from being “transparent. This ruling court should be ashamed at how they are making a mockery of the founding fathers and their efforts.
5. Fox News: aka State Regime Media. It is a notoriously very right-wing media channel that has been sued many times for falsifying information that it passed on to the American public. Fox News agreed to pay an $800 million settlement by Dominion Voting Systems where they claimed that they would have exposed how the network promoted lies about the 2020 presidential election. And the court’s rulings found “that there were certain claims about Dominion to be false.” That settlement follows a $965 million judgment issued in 2022 against Alex Jones by a Connecticut jury for spreading false conspiracy theories about the Sandy Hook school massacre. And in my opinion, Fox News should never be considered a credible source. And they cater to Donald Trump and his regime.
This blog series is not a complete list of horrors we face in our country at this time. I have left out for space Karo-Lying KKK Leavitt, Jared Kushner, Marco Rubio, Scott Bessent, and Peter Thiel who are equally corrupt. And they will all forever be known in history as the people who tried to kill democracy. They do not stand for our democracy that is defined in the Costitution. They spread hate and discrimination that is a part of the White Nationalist views. They are trying to normalize misogyny, narcissim, racism, homophobia, pedophilia, sexual assault, abuse, and cruelty. And to further these agendas they use Christianity to impose their cruelty. When all it is really is “White Supremacy in Bible Drag.” What they didn’t count on was the power of the people. Our nation has evolved through creating push-back on policies and actions that do not reflect the beliefs of the American people. I have only one statement for Donald Trump and his gestapo regime, “We the people are coming for you!” And you will be held accountable for your crimes. Thanks for reading! And Wake Up America!
Affirmation: Corruption ends where courage begins.
