This Puzzled Life is a mental health and recovery blog exploring addiction, trauma healing, LGBTQ experiences, humor, and the strange moments that shape us.
“Cats don’t need National Cat Day. They already celebrate themselves daily.”
-This Puzzled Life
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Hide the breakables. Because on National Cat Day, my three furry dependents, Piper, Coco, and Tinkerbell, believe they are entitled to diplomatic immunity, tax-free treats, and a parade down the hallway complete with confetti made from shredded toilet paper. My household has already turned into a feline-led congressional hearing with zero decorum and unlimited snacks.
I woke up this morning thinking, “Let’s celebrate my cats.” My cats woke up thinking, “Let’s overthrow the government.” Check out our conversation.
Me: Alright, y’all. It’s National Cat Day. Let’s act right.
Piper: (leans in like she’s about to deliver breaking news) “I’ll act right when you act right.”
Coco: “I would like to file a grievance.”
Tinkerbell: “I would like a sunbeam, a soft blanket, and silence.”
Me: “What’s the grievance, Coco?”
Coco: “You breathed too loud this morning. It disrupted my REM cycle.”
Piper: “And you moved the pillow on the couch. Without consulting the board.”
Tinkerbell: “I don’t care about any of this. I just want my treats delivered away from these two feral raccoons.”
Me: “It’s National Cat Day. Can we please celebrate peacefully?”
Piper: “I need to call the family therapist.”
Me: “For what?”
Piper: “For the trauma of living with you.”
Coco: “And for the trauma of living with Piper.”
Tinkerbell: “And for the trauma of thunder.”
Me: “Can we at least take a cute picture for National Cat Day?”
Piper: “I don’t perform for free.”
Coco: “I need a contract.”
Tinkerbell: “I’ll do it if you promise Coco won’t breathe on me.”
Me: “Fine. Let’s just celebrate. I’ll give y’all extra treats.”
Piper: “I want mine plated.”
Coco: “I want mine thrown like confetti.”
Tinkerbell: “I want mine delivered like room service at a five-star spa.”
Me: “Y’all are exhausting.”
Piper: “And yet… you adore us.”
Coco: “You’re welcome.”
Tinkerbell: “Bless your heart.”
And that, my friends, is how National Cat Day goes in my house: Piper calling emergency press conferences about absolutely nothing. Coco filing grievances like she works for HR in Hell. Tinkerbell floating through the chaos like a tiny feline Brene Brown who has transcended earthly nonsense.
I tried to celebrate them. They celebrated themselves. I tried to honor them. They honored their own drama. I tried to give them treats. They demanded reparations. So here’s my official National Cat Day statement: I live with three furry dictators who run this house like a chaotic Southern monarchy, and I wouldn’t trade them for all the peace, quiet, and sanity in the world. Let the ancestors deal with the rest. Thanks for reading!
Affirmation: I honor the chaos. Embrace the fur. And accept that my cats are the landlords and I am simply the tenant.
“Democracy isn’t fragile. It’s just tired of babysitting people who think freedom means ‘no rules and unlimited queso.’”
-This Puzzled Life
Light the charcoal. No, seriously. Light it. We’re starting this event with an emergency rush on the ancestors. Because we need every last one of them to help keep the bad spirits of fascist nonsense and red‑hat ignorance at bay. We’re talking about the auntie ancestors, queer ancestors, feminist ancestors, ancestors who died fighting for democracy. The ancestors who died fighting for seasoning. And the ancestors who died because someone said, “Let’s try essential oils instead of antibiotics.” We call upon them all.
AAs the charcoal smolders, a volunteer in a rainbow caftan rings a bell and announces, “Spirits of democracy, please protect us from the unseasoned forces of authoritarianism.” The smoke rises. The glitter falls. The ancestors nod. The red hats tremble. Welcome to the Right Side of History Liberal Event.
You’ve escaped the cult. You’ve shed the cloud of “trad wife obedience.” You’ve arrived at color, clarity, and community. Everyone is welcome except fascists, racists, homophobes, authoritarian fanboys, and anyone who thinks God needs a hype man. Unity only. Diversity only. Humanity only.
If you brought your children be warned that members of current red hat cult members will likely show up. If you see them please keep your children close. As they are not to be trusted around minors and non-consenting adults.
The Drag Queen Hospitality Committee greet newcomers withseven‑foot wigs.Eyelashes visible from orbit.And clipboards labeled “Mandatory Fabulousness Audit.” If you don’t have glitter on you by noon, they’ll fix that.
The Furry Outreach Program (Now With Litter Boxes!) run hydration. Yes, they brought litter boxes. No, they are not for what conspiracy theorists think.The litter boxes are full of tip jars, snack containers, glitter disposal units, and one labeled “Authoritarian Tears Only.”
The Tran Joy Department volunteers assemble Gender Euphoria Starter Kits with a coupon for one moment of pure self-love. Affirmation stickers. Glitter blessed by trans elders. And a laminated card that says, “You’re doing amazing!” Joy is happening. Mind your business.
The Women’s Rights & Feminist Liberation Zone is a welcome to the area where abortion is healthcare. Not a sin. Contraception is a right. Feminism is mandatory. And yes, trans women are women. They will have a large sign that reads, “Those Who Carry The Water For The Patriarchy Will Be The First To Drown.” You will leave this area transformed. You will leave with a spine. You will leave with a voice. You will leave with a refusal to ever shrink again. This area is where patriarchy comes to die.
Teachers’ Lounge: Politically Upgraded Teachers cannot perform surgeries. But they can teach, inspire, protect, and survive chaos daily. A rainbow flag will be replacing the 10 Commandments. And they will have a sign reading, “We teach love, not indoctrination.”
Immigrant Welcome Station Snacks from all cultures will be represented. And a sign reading, “You’re Safe Here.” And a volunteer sheet titled, “Teach Americans to Season Food.” If you are still active in the red hat brigade, you will be given a saltine cracker and two pieces of white bread. And the meat will be local roadkill. You can flavor it with Treason Seasoning. And we have you some special water taken from the AI data centers that you voted for. Don’t worry about the color or the floaters. Those are the precious minerals shipped in directly from Greenland.
The Black Community Appreciation Corner will feature a DJ spinning tracks white liberals pretend they already knew. A BLM flag flying proudly. A suggestion box labeled “Stop Doing This.” And a sign reading, “Thank You For Carrying Democracy, Again.”
The Veterans Honor Hall is an area run by veterans who have decided they’re done watching democracy get treated like a clearance‑rack item at Dollar General. And the energy of “I fought for this country. Not for fascist cosplay.” It’s for those who fought for democracy. Who served with honor. And those who protected freedoms we still fight for today. Leading the charge are the most vocal veterans such as:
Rig Madden-retired, loud, and allergic to authoritarianism.
Gunny Speaks Out-former Marine, current menace to injustice. Who rides around on his motorcycle with a “Fuck Trump” flag and resistance music blaring.
· Jolly Good Ginger– is the veteran who laughs like a Scottish war drum. Has a beard that could legally vote. Carries a laminated copy of the Constitution like it’s a Pokémon card. Says things like “I didn’t fight for this country so y’all could turn it into a Hobby Lobby fever dream.” And ends every speech with, “Liberate. And don’t let fascism dry out your soul.” He is the one who organizes the Veteran Oath Refresher Course. Where veterans loudly remind active military and Congress, “Your oath wasn’t a suggestion.” He’s also the unofficial hype man of the most infamous protest in veteran history Operation: Dildo Blitz. https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1CTJ4uY7U2/?mibextid=wwXIfr
It was a peaceful but unforgettable protest against ICE, where participants threw rubber dildos while yelling, “F*** ICE!” Jolly Good Ginger described it as, “The most patriotic thing I’ve seen since boot camp. A direct hit to injustice, literally. The Founding Fathers would’ve been confused. But proud.”
Veterans stood shoulder‑to‑shoulder, reminding America that patriotism is not a hat. Democracy is not a prop. And civil disobedience is sometimes best delivered with comedic precision. This zone is loud. Proud. And ready to defend democracy with megaphones, constitutional literacy, and Jolly Good Ginger’s battle cry, “Democracy doesn’t run on vibes. It runs on us.” Their mission is simply to remind active military of their oath. Remind Congress of their oath. And to remind America that patriotism is not a truck decal. And that democracy is not optional.
Holy Water Countermeasures include actions for if red‑hat evangelicals spray holy water, we respond with a Blue Tsunami of democracy. Followed by a rainbow mist. And a pamphlet titled, “Diversity Isn’t Persecution.”
Special Guests for the ‘Welcome to the Right Side of History’ Event include people like Robert De Niro, Pink, Meryl Streep, Barbra Streisand, Jelly Roll, and Arnold Schwarzenegger. They’re here to give speeches. And remind everyone that democracy is sexier than authoritarianism.
Grindr Crash Zone. About an hour away, there’s a meet‑up area where the red hat attendees will be on Grindr. Get there early. The servers will absolutely crash.
Cracker Barrel Takeover. After the protest, we march as a colorful, accepting liberal mob into Cracker Barrel.Changes includegender‑neutral bathrooms,pride‑painted rocking chairs, vegan menu options, banned historical books on the mantle. Rainbow socks replacing Confederate décor.Drag queens seat you. Furries host. Lesbians fix the chairs. And trans men and women reorganize the store by color gradient.
Welcome to liberalism. Welcome to color. Welcome to Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. Welcome to clarity. Welcome to community. Welcome to This Puzzled Life. Grab a latte. Grab a banned book. Grab a pair of pearls. Because some red hat is going to need to clutch them.
And so, as we stand here with charcoal lit. Ancestors summoned. Glitter airborne. Veterans yelling at Congress like disappointed uncles at Thanksgiving. Drag queens adjusting their wigs for aerodynamic resistance. Trans men and women with radical authenticity. And furries hydrating democracy one juice box at a time.
Let it be known that we are not the storm. We are the entire weather system. We are the Blue Tsunami. We are the ones that shows up with banned books, civil rights, science, seasoning, and a reusable water bottle covered in stickers that make red hats sweat. We are the people who read. We are the people who vote. We are the people who know the difference between patriotism and cosplay. We are the people who will not be silenced, dimmed, or dehydrated.
Because the next time fascism knocks, we’re answering the door with a drag queen, a veteran, a furry, a lesbian with a tool belt. A trans person with a megaphone. And a choir of liberals singing “Not Today, Satan.” Mic dropped. Stage cleared. Democracy moisturized. Ignorance denied. Amen and pass the seasoning. Thanks for reading! And Resist Fascism!
Affirmation: I am calm. I am grounded. I am glitter‑coated. And I am fully prepared to defend democracy with humor, humanity, and a hydration pack.
“When they dismantle your protections, remember. Your voice is older, louder, and stronger than their fear.”
-This Puzzled Life
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Let the smoke rise like a warning flare to every ancestor who ever whispered, “Baby, stay ready.” The level of cruelty this administration has reached a whole other level of low. It’s not just a new low. It’s a spelunking expedition into the deepest, dankest cave of misogyny they could find. They didn’t just roll back Title IX protections. They took a sledgehammer to the foundation. Smiled for the cameras. And told women and girls to “be grateful.”
And I swear on every magnolia tree in Mississippi. Every grandmother who ever weaponized a “bless your heart.” And every cat currently judging me from the kitchen counter. This moment feels like a spiritual emergency. A generational grief. A slap so loud it echoes through the bones of every woman who fought for the right to learn, compete, and exist without being shoved aside.
Title IX wasn’t perfect. But it was a lifeline. A promise. A shield. And now we’re watching that shield get melted down into scrap metal while the administration acts like they’re doing us a favor.
So, let’s talk about what losing Title IX actually means. Let’s talk about the consequences. Not the sanitized political talking points. Let’s talk about the ten ways this rollback will hit women, girls, survivors, students, athletes, and entire communities. And yes, I’ll be adding sarcasm after each one. Because if I don’t laugh, I’ll scream loud enough to wake the ancestors.
Ten Consequences of Losing Title IX and the Sarcasm They Deserve
1. Sexual assault survivors will have fewer protections and fewer avenues for justice.
Because apparently the administration thinks the best way to handle sexual violence is to pretend it doesn’t exist. Oh fabulous. Nothing says “progress” like making campuses safer for predators.
2. Schools will no longer be required to investigate harassment with urgency or fairness.
Meaning victims get to relive trauma while institutions drag their feet. Wonderful. Who doesn’t love a good bureaucratic slow roast of someone’s pain?
3. Girls’ sports programs will lose funding and support.
The opportunities that shaped generations of confident, capable women, gone. Amazing. Because clearly the world needs fewer strong girls. And more fragile egos.
4. Students facing discrimination will have fewer protections and fewer rights.
If you’re marginalized, good luck. Perfect. Equality was getting way too mainstream anyway.
5. Schools can more easily ignore bullying and harassment.
Especially when it’s gender‑based. Fantastic. Nothing builds character like unchecked cruelty.
6. LGBTQ+ students will face increased vulnerability without clear federal safeguards.
Their safety becomes optional. Incredible. Because nothing says “freedom” like telling queer kids they’re on their own.
7. Pregnant and parenting students will lose protections that kept them in school.
Education becomes a privilege instead of a right. Lovely. Motherhood is hard enough. So why not add academic sabotage?
8. Disabled students will face more barriers to equal access.
Title IX helped ensure accommodations weren’t “optional.” Brilliant. Accessibility was clearly too convenient.
9. Women in STEM fields will lose protections against discrimination.
The pipeline shrinks. The future dims. Perfect. Who needs women solving problems when we can just not solve them?
10. Administrators will have more power to silence complaints and protect institutions instead of students.
Accountability evaporates. Amazing. Nothing screams “justice” like prioritizing PR over people.
This isn’t just policy. This isn’t just politics. This is a direct hit to the soul of every woman who ever fought to be seen, heard, respected, protected, and allowed to learn without fear. Title IX was a fragile, hard‑won promise that said, “ You matter. Your safety matters. Your education matters. Your future matters.”
Rolling it back is not an accident. It’s not a misunderstanding. It’s not a bureaucratic oversight. It is cruelty. Calculated. Deliberate. Cold. And I refuse to let them pretend otherwise. Women don’t go quietly. Girls don’t disappear. Survivors don’t shrink. And ancestors don’t rest when injustice is alive. We are the charcoal lit. We are the sage burning. We are the storm gathering. We are the daughters of every woman who refused to bow. And if they think rolling back Title IX will silence us? They have underestimated the wrong generation. We will rise. We will roar. We will rebuild protections they tried to destroy. And when history looks back on this moment, it will not remember their cruelty. It will remember our fire. Sage still burning. Ancestors still watching. Thanks for reading!
Affirmation: I rise with the ancestors behind me. The fire within me. And the unshakable truth that my worth is not up for debate.
“Any government that talks more about genitals than healthcare is not protecting you. It’s projecting.”
-This Puzzled Life
Light the charcoal. Today, we are summoning every ancestor who ever clutched their pearls. Hid their good china. Or whispered, “Lord have mercy” when the preacher said something inappropriate. We are calling forth Aunt Magnolia, Uncle Rufus, Cousin Pearl-with-the-bad-attitude, and every ghost who ever lived through a scandal. But NOT the children and NOT the animals. Unless you want to work for the FBI. Because what we’re about to discuss is not fit for tender souls or creatures who rely on us for kibble. They don’t deserve this level of anatomical chaos.
Today, under the glow of Mississippi humidity and charcoal smoke, we gather to confront a national mystery so bizarre it deserves its own Netflix docuseries. Why is the current administration obsessed with genitals? Not healthcare. Not infrastructure. Not education. Not diplomacy. Nope. Just genitals. Your genitals. My genitals. Genitals they legislate, regulate, investigate, and allegedly crash Grindr with.
Ten Examples Of The Administration’s War On Genitals
1. Bathroom Legislation.
Some administrations build bridges. This one builds bathroom flowcharts. They’ve spent more time deciding who pees and poops where, rather than fixing anything that actually matters. My ancestors are pacing the spirit realm whispering, “Why are grown men so invested in toilets? Why are grown men spending more time thinking about where people pee and poop than fixing anything? If you’re this invested in toilets, go work at Home Depot.
2. The Historic Tradition of Grabbing People by the Genitals
A moment that will live in infamy. A moment that should’ve ended careers. A moment that instead became a personality trait. Sir, that is not a handshake. That is a felony.
3. The Grindr Crashes Heard Across the Nation They swear they’re “traditional.” They swear they’re “family values.” Yet somehow Grindr crashes every time a cabinet meeting ends. Coincidence? That ain’t coincidence. That’s congestion. And every time a Republican Convention gathers, Grindr goes down like it’s been hit by a cyberattack. Y’all keep saying ‘family values,’ but the server logs say, ‘thirsty chaos.’
4. The War on Trans Bodies
Bathroom bans. Sports bans. Medical bans. Everything except banning their own obsession with other people’s anatomy. My ancestors are lighting sage and muttering, “Leave folks alone.” If you’re writing laws about someone else’s anatomy, you’re not protecting anything. You’re just proving you think about genitals more than your own job.
5. The Cabinet of ‘Family Values’ That Keeps Getting Credibly Accused of Everything BUT Family Values
Every week it’s a new scandal. A new accusation. A new “misunderstanding.” My ancestors are exhausted. They need PTO. Family values? The only thing y’all value is plausible deniability.”
6. The Obsession With Policing Drag Shows
Food insecurity? Healthcare? Housing? Nope. Let’s talk about genitals again. My ancestors are throwing sweet tea at the wall. Men in wigs scare you? My mee-maw wore three wigs to church every Sunday. And our founding fathers wore wigs. Grow up.
7. The ‘Protect the Children’ Rhetoric While Ignoring Actual Threats
Men in wigs? Women in wigs? Everyone in wigs? Apparently wigs = danger. If you cared about kids, you’d fix schools. And hold the president, billionaires, and other politicians accountable for crimes against women and children. Not stalking bathrooms like a mall cop with a pelvic fixation.”
8. The Homoerotic Wrestling Events That Follow Anti-LGBTQ Speeches
They scream about anatomy while ignoring actual harm. My ancestors are filing celestial restraining orders. You can’t yell ‘traditional values’ and then host an event that looks like the opening scene of a Grindr hookup. Pick a lane.”
9. The Constant Commentary on People’s Bodies
Sweaty men rolling around in cages. Grunting. Flexing. Followed by an afterparty that mysteriously aligns with Grindr server outages. My ancestors are fanning themselves dramatically. Why do y’all talk about anatomy like it’s a weather report? ‘Today’s forecast: scattered genitals with a chance of hypocrisy.’
10. The Attempt to Regulate Genitals Instead of Governing
Every speech. Every rally. Every interview. Somehow it circles back to genitals. My ancestors are begging for silence. Fix the roads. Fix healthcare. End the “Epstein War on Iran.” Fix literally anything. Stop trying to run a country like it’s a pelvic inspection.”
As the charcoal crackles. And the ancestors lean in like they’re watching a soap opera, let us acknowledge the truth. This administration is not governing. They’re running a full‑time genital surveillance program. They legislate genitals. They comment on genitals. They grab genitals. They crash Grindr with their own genitals. They accuse others of immoral genitals. While their own are out here doing extracurricular activities that would make a church deacon faint.
Meanwhile, the American people are standing here like, “Can y’all please stop talking about crotches and start talking about the country?” But no. The obsession continues. The hypocrisy continues. The scandals continue. And the server outages? Those continue too. Charcoal smoldering. Ancestors dismissed. I delivered every comment like a Southern Beyoncé with a sociology degree and a grudge. Thanks for reading!
Affirmation: My body is not your battleground. My autonomy is not your agenda. My voice is loud. My boundaries are blessed. And my humor is lethal.
“Love is not holy if it requires your child to shrink.”
-This Puzzled Life
Light the charcoal. Invoke the ancestors. Because Lord, they’ve been watching this mess unfold for generations and they are tired. I can practically hear Big Mama in the spirit realm, fanning herself with a church program and whispering, “Baby, go on and say it. They need to hear it.” So, I’m writing this letter. This holy‑ghost‑powered, Southern‑fried, and emotionally charged letter to the parents of LGBTQIA+ kids everywhere. And I’m writing it in the voice of every queer ancestor who had to survive Sunday School shame, back‑pew gossip, and family reunions where the potato salad had more acceptance than they did.
This is a letter from me, a queer adult who lived through the fire. Walked through the brimstone. And still came out smelling like sandalwood and resilience. And I’m not holding back. Sit back while I speak some truth.
Dear Parents, before you bring a child into this world biologically, adoption, or through the “God told me to foster” pipeline, you need to sit with yourself and ask one question, “Am I going to love this child more than my beliefs?” If the answer is anything other than a full‑bodied, chest‑thumping, hallelujah‑shouting yes, then you don’t need children. You need a devotional, a therapist, and maybe a long walk through the woods to talk to Jesus directly.
Let me be clear. Jesus, the actual Jesus, not the one y’all weaponize, never bullied a child. He never told a kid they were going to hell. He never said, “Love thy neighbor unless they’re gay.” He never threw stones at queer folks. He only threw shade at hypocrites. So, if you’re out here being your child’s first bully, oppressor, heartbreak, first source of shame, you are not parenting. You are spiritually vandalizing a soul God trusted you with. And I’m here to tell you with all the ancestors nodding behind me, that is not holy. That is not righteous. That is not love.
10 Beliefs That Mean You Should Not Have Children
If your religion means more to you than your child’s humanity, you should not have children. Jesus didn’t die on the cross so you could weaponize Leviticus like a spiritual flyswatter.
If you plan to be your child’s first bully, you should not have children. Kids deserve parents. Not mean girls with mortgages.
If you believe your grandchildren are “tainted” because their parents are gay, you should’ve never had children yourself. The family tree didn’t rot. Your mindset did.
If you teach your child to hate LGBTQIA+ family members, you should not have children. Hell is not the destination here. But your behavior is the road map.
If you think “unconditional love” comes with fine print, you should not have children. God doesn’t do contracts. He does covenants.
If you believe queer kids are a punishment instead of a blessing, you should not have children. That’s not theology. That’s ignorance with a Bible cover.
If you think “pray the gay away” is a parenting strategy, you should not have children. Prayer is for healing. Not conversion therapy cosplay.
If you’d rather lose your child than lose your church friends, you should not have children.Jesus ate with outcasts. You’re worried about potluck politics.
If you think shame is a teaching tool, you should not have children. Shame doesn’t save souls. It breaks them.
If you believe love must be earned, you should not have children. Children are not employees. You are not their boss. Love is not a performance review.
Let me take a deep breath. Pull up a rocking chair on the porch of truth. And say this slow enough for even the folks in the back pew. This is for the ones who pretend they’re reading scripture. But are really scrolling Facebook to understand. If your love cannot stretch wide enough to hold a queer child, then your love is not love. It is fear dressed up in Sunday clothes.
And I’m going to tell you something the ancestors have been whispering for decades. Children come through you. Not for you. They are not born to validate your beliefs, your image, your reputation, or your standing in the church bulletin. Children are not your emotional support trophies. They are not your redemption arc. They are not your second chance at being the person you wish you were. They are not your spiritual PR campaign.
They are souls that are whole, holy, and handcrafted by the same God you claim to worship. And if you cannot love them without conditions, ultimatums, threats of hellfire, “pray it away” nonsense, and shame disguised as righteousness, then you are not parenting. You are performing. You are auditioning for approval from people who wouldn’t show up for you if your house caught fire. You are sacrificing your child’s mental health on the altar of “What will the church ladies think?” You are choosing doctrine over devotion. Fear over family. And ego over empathy.
Let me say this louder with the ancestors stomping their feet like a praise break behind me. Jesus never asked a child to shrink so a parent could feel tall. Jesus never told a child to hide so a parent could feel holy. Jesus never demanded silence from the oppressed to comfort the oppressor.
If your child comes out to you in fear, trembling, hope, desperation, and your first instinct is to shame them. Correct them. Punish them. Or “fix” them. Then you have misunderstood the entire point of parenthood.
And if your response is, “Well, I love them. But I don’t support their lifestyle,” let me lovingly, sarcastically, and spiritually inform you. Your child does not have a lifestyle. They have a life. And you are either in it, or you are not.
If you think rejecting your child is righteous. I promise you that Jesus is looking down at you like, “That’s not what I said.” If you think your child’s identity is a sin. But your cruelty isn’t. You might want to reread the red‑letter parts of the Bible. The ones where Jesus actually speaks. Because he spent his entire ministry calling out people who acted exactly like that.
If you think your child’s queerness is a burden. But your judgment isn’t. You need to sit with that. If you think your child’s truth is dangerous. But your silence isn’t. You need to sit with that. If you think your child’s love is wrong. But your rejection is holy. You need to sit with that.
And while you’re sitting, let me offer you the kind of truth that makes the ancestors nod and Jesus raise an eyebrow. Queer kids do not break families. Parents who choose fear over love do. Queer kids do not destroy homes. Parents who weaponize scripture do. Queer kids do not cause generational trauma. Parents who refuse to evolve do. And heterosexual parents create gay children. They don’t create themselves.
Queer kids do not walk away from families lightly. Parents who make home unsafe push them out. And if you lose your child because you could not love them fully, freely, and fiercely. That is not their sin. That is your consequence. If you cannot love a queer child. You are not ready to love any child. If your heart cannot expand. Your family cannot grow. If your faith cannot bend. Your relationships will break. If your compassion cannot stretch. Your legacy will shrink.
And one day you will look back and realize that the child you rejected was the one who could’ve taught you the most about love. But by then, they’ll be gone. And they’ll be loved somewhere else. Fully. Joyfully. Safely. And without conditions. Ancestors humming. Jesus nodding. And the truth standing tall. Thanks for reading! What are your thoughts?
Affirmation: I honor my truth, identity, and my worth. And I refuse to let anyone’s fear masquerading as faith define me.
“If your faith requires someone else to suffer, it’s not holy. It’s just dressed‑up cruelty.”
-This Puzzled Life
Light the charcoal. Apparently the courts woke up. Stretched. Sipped their Folgers and said, “Hmm. What if we brought back psychological torture today?” And the conservative Christians said, “YAY! Revival!” Meanwhile, every queer person in the South is standing on their porch like, “Lord, give me strength, patience, and a Xanax the size of a biscuit.”
Down here in Mississippi, we know hypocrisy like we know humidity. It clings. It suffocates. It ruins your hair and your spirit at the same time. And nothing brings out the hypocrisy quite like a ruling that says, “Sure, go ahead and traumatize queer people in the name of Jesus. He won’t mind.” These folks will tell you with a straight face that they’re doing this out of “love.” If that’s love, then I’m a straight man named Bubba who drives a lifted truck and says “bro” every six seconds.
Let’s be honest. This ruling isn’t about saving souls. It’s about controlling bodies. It’s about punishing difference. It’s about making queer people small enough to fit inside their narrow theology and even narrower worldview. And the wildest part? These are the same people who can’t keep their own households together. The same people who preach “traditional marriage” while living like a deleted storyline from a messy reality show. The same people who scream “protect the children!” While ignoring the actual dangers children face like abuse, exploitation, and the youth pastor who keeps volunteering for overnight trips.
But sure. Let’s focus on the gays. Because we’re clearly the problem. Not the pastors who keep getting “relocated.” Not the lawmakers who can’t keep their pants zipped. Not the “family values” influencers who spend more time in hotel rooms than in prayer.
Let me break it down in terms even a conservative uncle can understand. You cannot convert someone out of being gay. You cannot shame someone out of being gay. You cannot therapy someone out of being gay. You cannot “deliverance session” someone out of being gay. Unless the only thing you’re delivering is trauma.
If sexuality were a choice, don’t you think I would’ve chosen something easier? Something with less paperwork? Something that didn’t require me to explain myself at every family gathering like I’m giving a TED Talk in a Cracker Barrel? But no. God made me like this. Curved, colorful, and incapable of pretending otherwise.
You could dangle 45 sets of dangly bits in front of me like a clearance sale at Spencer’s Gifts and I still wouldn’t be straight. But put me in front of some boobs and a cooter cat and suddenly I’m glowing like a porch light in July. That’s not a choice. That’s not a phase. That’s not a “lifestyle.” That’s divine architecture.
If you want to stay in the closet because it feels safer, I get it. But don’t pretend it’s holiness. Don’t pretend it’s righteousness. Don’t pretend it’s “God’s plan.” It’s fear. And fear is the currency of conservative Christianity. I sprinted out of the closet like it was on fire. And I’ve been free ever since. Even with my own family members who weaponize scripture like it’s a Nerf gun filled with shame. I send that mess right back to sender with a smile and a boundary. Chosen family is where the love lives. Chosen family is where the truth lives. Chosen family is where the rainbow was always meant to shine.
Theo rainbow is divine reassurance. It’s God saying, “Relax. I made y’all fabulous on purpose.” No court ruling can change that. No pastor can change that. No conversion therapist with a clipboard and a superiority complex can change that. We are here. We are queer. We are not going anywhere. And we are not apologizing for existing.
So let the smoke rise like a prayer the evangelicals forgot to proofread. Stand tall in your queerness like a magnolia tree that refuses to bow to the storm. Because here’s the truth they don’t want to face. Every time they try to erase us. We multiply. Every time they try to shame us. We shine harder. Every time they try to legislate us out of existence. We become louder, brighter, and more unbothered than ever.
Their hypocrisy is loud. But our joy is louder. Their cruelty is sharp. But our resilience is sharper. Their fear is deep. But our love is deeper. And at the end of the day, when the court rulings fade. When the sermons lose their sting. When the shame campaigns collapse under their own weight. We will still be here laughing. Loving. Living. Thriving. Dancing in the rainbow God hung in the sky as a reminder that storms don’t last forever.
So let them clutch their pearls. Let them scream about “family values.” Let them pretend their closets don’t have motion‑activated lights. We know the truth. You damn sure cannot stop the rainbow from rising. Mic dropped. Floor cracked. Hypocrisy exposed. Amen and pass the sweet tea. Thanks for reading! And Happy Pride year-round. What are your thoughts on this type of ruling?
Affirmation: “My identity is divine. My joy is sacred. And no court, church, or closet can dim the rainbow God put in my soul.”
“An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless pit. But he’s not so much needy as entitled, so no matter how much you give him, it will never be enough. He will just keep producing more demands because he believes his needs are your responsibility, until you feel drained down to nothing.”
-Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today I want to go over more types of domestic violence. I know that this topic is not an easy one to face. However, domestic abuse occurs in more homes than you realize. Maybe in your own home.
VERBAL ABUSE
· Ridiculing or humiliating someone.
v If he were alive and breathing, this would happen from the time I woke up until the time I went to bed.
· Criticizing their appearance, intelligence, sexuality, religious beliefs, or ethnicity.
v This happened all the time. I was constantly told that I was dumb and retarded.
· Criticizing their actions as a partner or parent.
v All day and every day. The worst was at night and on the weekends. I got blamed for his bad golf game. He had this idea that he was Tiger Woods. And he very clearly wasn’t. But it was always because of something I did that made him play bad. In reality, he just sucks at the game.
· Using cruel or abusive nicknames.
v He and his brother always had cruel nicknames for me.
· Swearing at someone.
v Most people cuss when they get mad. However, he and his brother were relentless in their attacks.
· Yelling or screaming at someone.
v Again, I think that a certain amount would be considered normal. However, screaming and hollering at me for everything little thing was how they both operated.
SOCIAL ABUSE
· Stopping someone from seeing or contacting their friends and family.
v He didn’t physically stop me. However, it was very clear that I was not leaving the house without specific information about where I was going and what I was doing. And if that wasn’t what he wanted, I was told not to go at all.
· Stopping someone from going to social or community activities.
v Unless he went with me, I was told, “No. You don’t need to go do that.”
· Preventing someone from having contact with people who speak their language or share their culture.
· Making someone move away from friends, family, or work opportunities.
· Controlling a person’s use of phone or computers.
v On more than one occasion, when I went to call for help from police, he would unplug the phone so that I couldn’t use it.
· Checking or stopping their mail, phone calls, text messages, emails, social media and other messaging or chat apps.
v Luckily, there was not much of this that was available at the time. There was barely internet, and I better not have an email address. I had a Nokia cellphone which he checked constantly.
· Telling lies or spreading false information to damage a person’s reputation.
v This happened all the time. Especially when he talked to his family. The smear campaign was always in action.
· Using someone’s intersex status, sexuality, gender expression, transgender, or HIV status against them.
v He never knew that I was a lesbian. Hell, why would I tell him when the violence was bad enough.
· Forced marriage
v The day of my wedding, I knew that I was making the biggest mistake of my life. I was frozen with fear. But it was what he continually pushed for marriage. And I eventually gave in. Biggest mistake of my life!
· Stalking
v This happened every single day. If it wasn’t him, it was his friends and family who did the stalking. At the end of the day, I was questioned about everything that I had done and was told, “Well, what about when you were walking around in that store.” He knew every move that I made. It even got so bad that he knew what I had eaten during the day.
SPIRITUAL, RELIGIOUS OR CULTURAL ABUSE
Preventing someone from practicing and being connected to their culture.
Stopping someone from going to their place of worship.
Stopping someone from having contact with other people who share their beliefs.
Stopping someone from celebrating days of cultural or spiritual significance.
Stopping someone from sharing their beliefs and traditions with their children.
Stopping someone who is Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander from returning to Country or having contact with kin.
Stopping someone who has family connections outside Australia from visiting or connecting with family or community overseas.
Ridiculing someone’s beliefs or traditions.
Forcing someone to do things that are against their beliefs, like eating certain foods or wearing certain clothes.
Forcing someone to marry.
The pressure was definitely applied when I was undecided.
Forcing someone to take part in spiritual practices in which they don’t believe.
Forcing someone to raise their children according to beliefs they don’t agree with.
Using or claiming to use spiritual or religious beliefs:
as an excuse for violence or abuse.
to pressure someone into staying in a relationship.
Let me just say this about him and his spiritual practices. He always went through the motions and played the part. He even pretended to get “saved” and was baptized. However, that was as far as it went. Because when we got home the abuse continued to happen. But now he had a Bible to justify his actions.
Thanks again for reading! I hope I was able to share a little lighter on the subject of domestic violence. There is help and hope after abuse. Reach out for the love and respect that you deserve. Keep moving forward!
“An ally is someone who stands up even when they feel they can’t.”
-Unknown
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. As Pride month begins to wrap up, I want to talk to you about a group of people that many of us LGBTQ+ people draw strength from. It’s our allies! This group of people are usually straight. But they stand up for different issues within the gay community that continually marginalize us. They are voices that stand up and say, “I’m straight. But your discrimination and hate is wrong.”
Our allies who are sometimes known as “fruit flies,” bring strength to our battles with equality. And they also love us for who we are versus many of our families who love us for “who they want us to be.” I will be the first to say that there are zero gay affirming people in my family. No matter who agrees or doesn’t agree, the gay person is here to stay. And I gladly wear the title of the “rainbow sheep” in the family.
There are those still who say, “We love you for who you are.” But they stand against equality and continue with their homophobic or transphobic comments. That, my friends, is not an ally. You just know someone who is gay. You cannot say that you’re ok with me being a lesbian and then speak out about how my transgender friends are wrong or abnormal. That’s hypocritical. You don’t have to be gay or trans to be active and say, “Equality should be for all and not just one gender or sexual orientation.”
Our transgender brothers and sisters need our support in the fight for their rights to be who and what they want to be. To be able to fight for our country on the frontlines for freedom. And to be able to use any damn toilet that matches the gender in which they identify. They do not want to harm you or your children. Individuals who have or are transitioning do not want to rip your genitalia off or steal whatever small amount of virginity you may have left. They simply want to empty their bladder and bowels.
I had a friend that I had a close relationship with one time. But when I came out to her, our friendship ended. That is what I call a conditional friend. As long as I was who they wanted me to be everything was ok. But when I told them who I really was, that was not acceptable. It is truly their problem and not mine. That is not an ally. That is an asshole. I know they both start with the letter “A,” and it can be confusing to some.
People have a misconception that anyone under the LGBTQ+ umbrella has an insatiable sexual appetite. And that we are lurking around to force straight people into gay submission. If I know that someone is straight, I will not cross the line by trying to seduce them. It’s call mutual respect. I know that there are creepy people that do that and are ok with that. I would simply call “bullshit” and tell them that it’s very disrespectful. But I know even more straight people who want to pound the gay out of us. It would be like someone forcing me to be straight. And I barf in my mouth just a little at the thought of ever having to pretend that I’m straight again. If someone who is gay comes on to you, simply tell them that you’re straight. Most of the time that is respected. And sometimes is just a faulty “GAYDAR.”
As a lesbian, the misconception that we want to run in and turn straight women gay is an absolutely ridiculous argument. And this is where our allies come into play. They not only love us for our authenticity, but they are also on the front lines of the pride banner to speak up against hate even when we are not around. Allies are another source of strength that can only be found within them. And for this, I am eternally grateful. Beautiful friendships and family relationships can be mended by being an ally.
In my family there are those who when discussing someone who is gay, they spell it. Like “Yea, I collaborate with this guy, and he is G-A-Y!” Let me help put your minds at ease, “You cannot catch the gay from saying someone is gay.” So, making the statement, “I love you because you’re my child or my family member.” Then to counter with, “Hate the sin, love the sinner” asserts that you hold yourself to a higher level because you know God better than he knows himself. When God actually spoke about loving everyone. And that no one deserves his love any more than the other. Jesus preached about equality and inclusion, not discrimination and hate. And from what I’ve seen in my life, there’s a lot of “cherry picking” of the Bible to satisfy an argument. God’s people are taught to spread his love. But some of them are the very ones who close the church doors when the gay people arrive. And if you are let in there is no shortage of stares and whispers.
If there was ever a group of people who I give the utmost respect, it would be our allies. I have always been one to stand up for the underdog in most situations. And I can promise you that it doesn’t always make me popular in a good way. So, for a “straight ally” to stand up for me and others, you will always be considered members of my Pride family.
A lot of us LGBTQ+ individuals create families among others, because our families are simply too rich in bigotry and self-righteousness to be considered a “safe place” that nurtures love and growth in a relationship. And I live in a “hotspot” of the country that has a lot of judgement and ignorance. They have simply become a wounding vessel and a very rigid group of people that do not deserve the time nor the energy to continue relationships with them. So, we form close ties and bonds with our allies instead.
I have used this phrase many times and it stems from my own family when I say, “If nothing changes, then nothing changes.” I have to hold my head high, turn around and walk away like a boss. And I walk right over to my ally’s house where love and acceptance isn’t only spoken, it’s shown. You can love me and stand up for our rights as we do. But you cannot say that you love me and think that neither I nor my friends are entitled to the same rights you have. I absolutely will NOT be a part of that in any way.
Thank you so many allies for everything that you do that we never know about. And thank you for showing us what the love of Christ is all about. Homophobes, transphobes, and the self-righteous thank you for showing me who I never want to be. As always, take what you can use and leave the rest. Keep smiling. Happy Pride Everyone!
Affirmation: I will not shrink myself for the comfort of others.
“It’s not the child’s responsibility to teach the parent who they are, it’s the parent’s responsibility to know who their child is.”
-Tig Notaro
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away! I hope everyone’s Pride month is going well. There’s just something about Pride month that feels so unique to the rest of the year. To me it’s almost like coming out of the closet for one month every year. The release of finally stepping out of that smothering closet into your truth and say, “This is who I am!” And after the chaos that can happen, at the end of the day, you can finally sleep soundly knowing that you just set yourself free. You no longer have to pretend that you’re one way or another to appease, yet another, non-affirming straight person who wants to tell you how many different ways that you’re going to Hell. And for my fellow trans brothers and sisters, it can be so much more difficult.
First, you must understand what the term “Transgender” means. Transgender is very simply, when someone has the brain of one gender and the body of another gender. It’s difficult for many to understand. If you don’t understand, then you were never transgender. I’ll admit that I don’t understand everything. But that’s not the point. The point is that the person or people are my friends, and I accept them for whoever they are or want to be. And I understand how difficult that can be.
Transitioning is so much more difficult than just saying that you’re trans. They go through physical, psychological and emotional changes. Not only do they have to say, ‘I’m different.” They also have to say, “I’m switching genders.” Based on the way that my family reacted to my own coming out, I would rather dive headfirst into a vat of hot lava instead of telling them that I was switching genders. I’m considered “soft butch” and there are a lot of problems because I’m not the stereotypical female.
Let me explain a few things.
· Transgendering behaviors are peppered throughout history in ancient civilizations and cultures of the world.
· In the nineteenth century, people like Karl Ulrichs began to describe “gender confusion” as being “female psyche caught in a male body.”
· The Early 20th century the Germans began studies and treatments for gender dysphoria.
· In the 1950’s transgender rights in the United States began with Christine Jorgensen’s surgery coming to public attention.
· 1960’s the term “transgender” appeared and then medical treatments like hormone therapy and gender affirming surgeries became possible.
· 1970’s The very first clinic dedicated to transgender health care opened in Canada.
· 1980-Present the term “transgender” was popularized and the moment began to build momentum(HRC.org, 2024).
Transitioning can be something as simple as having a new hairstyle, name, pronoun or style of clothing. Not everyone transitions all the way through surgery. Some people have complete top and bottom surgery and hormones. And others do hormones and choose not to do surgery for several reasons. The complete process is individual to the person. And your opinions will not influence this. It’s not about you and your wants and needs! It’s about them.
I wish that some of you could be on this side of the “public bathroom” argument and realize how utterly ridiculous you sound. They want to simply use the bathroom that reflects their gender. They don’t want your precious “dangling genitalia” or your “cooterville.” And equally ignorant is the statement about being dangerous to kids. Let me make one thing perfectly clear, a lot of the time you won’t be able to identify these individuals by just looking at them. The whole concept of transitioning is about change. And not everyone transitions at the same pace. Peeing and pooping happens no matter what your gender. After my own sexual abuse, I would feel safer leaving my children with someone who is transgender versus someone who is straight and religious.
That does not mean that I don’t love God through my own beliefs. It means that some of the people that I distrust the most are religious people I’ve been around. And no, I don’t believe that all religious people are harmful. I have some very beautiful christian people in my life that have become a backbone of strength for me. But my trauma has taught me since the age of 5 years old to be incredibly careful around people who say they love Jesus and then use that as a weapon to manipulate and hurt others. I watch actions and not religious rhetoric.
And the military argument? Really?! Like what soldier is going to say prior to his/her life being saved by someone who is transgender, “Wait! Drop your drawers. Do you have one a “banana hammock” or a “clam snuggler?” I wouldn’t care and would be screaming, “Kill this ISIS asshole!” And they are willing to lay their own lives down for a country that does not see them as equal or as deserving as their straight battle buddies. Think about that for a second. They are going out risking and laying down their lives for people who live in some kind of world where random acts of violence are conducted by a “Trans Monster” seeking out children and virginities. I have never seen so much stupidity until “Trans Rights” came into question.
If you think coming out as a gay person is difficult, talk to one of the Transgender Warriors. The term “transexual” is a very outdated and derogatory term. A transexual is the same thing as a cross dresser. There are no hormones or surgery involved. And drag queens and drag kings are not the same as transgender. Some do perform as kings and queens. However, transgender is not only when the individual dresses like the opposite gender. I have met some of these beloved and very courageous people. And I can tell you that a lot of people who transition are some of the most appealing and sexiest people on the planet. And don’t think that they have an insatiable sexual appetite like what is assumed by those not under the rainbow umbrella. Trust me, they have standards too.
I will always be an advocate for Transgender Rights. They deserve the same rights as anyone else. And I believe that if they are brave enough to go fight for my rights, then they’re also deserving of the same rights. They are fighting for our freedoms as I sit and write blogs with a cat in my lap. Have the courage to stand up for these people who are even more marginalized than I am. And to all of my trans friends and family, “I stand with you! You are deserving of love and compassion. You are not wrong. You are loved and accepted. And YOU ARE ENOUGH!”
Thanks for reading! Take what you can use and leave the rest. You are Wanted, Needed and Loved! Happy Pride Everyone!
Affirmation: Your gender and authenticity are beautiful.
