When Hard Work Pays Off
“The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.”
The last couple of years working with coach have been some of the most grueling days of my life. I have worked hard to recover from the many years and types of abuse that I have endured. My hard work has begun to show its fruit as I’m starting to make the transition back home to Mississippi and with my family as a daughter, mother and a spouse. Why have I fought so incredibly hard? I have two little boys and a loving wife who have been counting on me to do this hard work. I’m far from being perfect but hardworking I’ve been since day 1.
I still struggle with self-harm, eating and just existing in the world many days. But I’ve put in the hard hours of assignments along with a lot of tears. So now I give myself permission to slowly start making my way back to my family. Each day that goes by is one more day that I miss seeing my little boys grow up and to have an emotionally intimate relationship with them and the love of my life…. Melody.
Truthfully, I must give a lot of credit to myself for taking advice and putting it into action no matter how difficult. I also know that there are more difficult days ahead as this transition progresses. I deserve to have a life that is enjoyable. The days of staying locked up in a cave called a bedroom are slowly dissipating. I now want to be around people. I want to have a healthy marriage. I want to be a mom that my boys can look up to instead of fear. And my alters deserve to have a life that’s also enjoyable and free from fear.
The days ahead I don’t fear but rather I’m preparing. Everyone deserves to have a life of kindness and the need for being wanted and loved. Not everyone works for that and that is their choice. I wake up every morning and consciously make the choice to get better no matter if I fall while doing this. I just fight harder for both me and coach’s effort in helping me. I’ve been learning to love myself and to let others around me love me. Finally, my heart has opened to allow this. I stand in the light to continue to get better by facing my fears regardless how scary it might be.