This Puzzled Life is a mental health and recovery blog exploring addiction, trauma healing, LGBTQ experiences, humor, and the strange moments that shape us.
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. As I pay my respects to all of the victims and family members who were affected by September 11, 2001, the color of the awareness ribbon is black. And I could think of no other type of cannabis product that fit this unfortunate date than a concentrate called Black Cadillac Special Indica.
As we take a moment to recognize all the lives that were forever changed, I couldn’t think of a more respectful name. The black Cadillac has always been a vehicle associated with importance and status. And the innocent victims and heroes that gave their lives in order to save others, will always be seen not only as familial heroes but also as “American heroes.”
Black Cadillac is a cross between Purple Punch x Ghost Vapor OG. Purple Punch genetics are a cross between Larry OG x Grandaddy Purple. Ghost Vapor OG is a cross between Ghost OG x Purple Punch. Right here you can tell that it’s almost a straight indica. I used this by way of a concentrate dablicator.
Patients report relief chronic pain, stress, anxiety and insomnia. And I also believe this to be true. This combination is truly a special indica. I wouldn’t recommend this product for a beginner, as you might not be quite ready for the punch to the chest that will be felt. Nevertheless, this beauty will truly help relieve some of the stress and discomfort on the remembrance day that changed the face of our great nation. Thanks for reading! And continue blazin’ fellow stoners!
Affirmation: I love everyone at every sesh. Some I love when they enter; some I love when they leave.
“Let us burn one from end to end, and pass it over to me, my friend.”
-Ben Harper
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy, go away. Today, I want to review the strain, Purple Chiesel. This strain is considered an equal hybrid depending on exact genetics. However, the strain I tried was a heavy indica. And it locked me down quick. Keeping with the purple awareness color, this one is on my top five strains of all time. Also keep in mind that flowers can be bred of either indica or sativa strains. That’s why it’s important to get the genetics from the dispensary where they are bought.
Exact genetics are only guestimates because I have seen this strain portrayed as a sativa dominant hybrid. Lineage is Chiesel x Mendo Purps. Chiesel is a cross of NYC Diesel x Cheese. And spicy is one all levels. I was preparing for much less. At over 25% it stretches its legs. I instantly reclined back in my chair for a little nap. It has the “purple/hazy” taste.
Patients report relief from stress, bipolar disorder, epilepsy, arthritis, and chronic pain. Terpenes are Geraniol, Limonene, b-myrcene, Nerolidol and Linalool. As always, thanks for reading. And keep blazin’ fellow stoners!
Affirmation: I release any shame or stigma over using cannabis.
“The biggest killer on the planet is stress, and I still think the best medicine is and always been cannabis.”
-Willie Nelson
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today’s strain review will be on the strain Purple Rain. This is another “purple” strain as we continue to bring awareness and prevention for those who are touched, in some way, by suicide. Purple strains are usually dark and indica, which is right up my alley. As with most strains, there is typically more than one terpene profile depending on the genetics. This was the one that I tried.
Purple Rain is an indica-dominant strain and a cross between Chemdawg x Purple Candy Kush x OG Kush. Just looking at the “plant family” genetics, I know that both OG Kush and Chemdawg are strong and dank fuel taste between the two. And Purple Candy, I assume is a sativa because of the Candy.
This strain I wasn’t sure would be what I needed. On inhale it definitely tastes like a typical purple strain with that “hazy” taste. And for me it acted like a hybrid “creeper” strain. But then that Purple Rain began falling down on me and by the end I was so faded.
Patients report relief from symptoms of anxiety, depression and stress. And I agree. Terpenes in this strain are Limonene, Caryophyllene and Linalool. Probably on of the reasons that the effects came on slower, even at 26% THC. Myrcene is the terpene that can give you that hard “couch lock.” But I have to admit that this is still a nice strain.
“There was a point I was embarrassed at how much thought I put into weed. But I’ve embraced it.”
-Seth Rogan
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to highlight one of my favor cannabis strains, GMO. This girl has “diesel dyke” written all over her. Or maybe the “Diet Coke Man” from the commercials where he is sweating without his shirt working on tires. He might even be hanging from scaffolding, again without a shirt, drinking Diet Coke not working. Either way, this strain name must be “STINKY!”
GMO strain is also known as “Garlic Cookies.” It’s an indica dominant strain of Chemdawg x Girl Scout Cookies. And the very first thing you will notice is that stinky, dank aroma. And the lineage is also very stinky. But once it hits, have the Cheetos nearby. It has a very distinct aroma of garlic and cookies. Combined the smell resembles the smell of diesel. If you like straight diesel strains without the combination of fruity strains used to tone down the taste, this is like you are smoking diesel fumes. You either love it or hate it. The terpene profile is dominated by caryophyllene, limonene, myrcene and humulene.
This “little stinker” wraps her cannabis arms around my shoulders, and we cuddle for the next 30 minutes. And I revel in the experience of a momentary state of total completeness. She has been great for my pain and insomnia. GMO is not a strain that you should use prior to going to work unless you are a regular indica user. This is a very heavy strain that prides itself on the art of “couch locking.”
I love dank strains like this. There is a significant difference in “diesel dank” and “skunk dank.” I can tolerate little skunk. So, for me it’s a good alternate that I’ve learned to love. And for my needs I give it a 5 out of 5! Thanks for reading! And Keep Smoking!
Affirmation: My positivity and enthusiasm for life are infectious, and people love me for it.
“Don’t judge someone until you have shared a joint with them.”
-Unknown
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy, go away. Today, I want to talk to you about a product that I like to call “the total package.” It is a concentrate known as Watermelon Woo! And it is truly ‘watermelon’ every step of the way.
This beautiful strain is considered an indica. Watermelon Woo is found to be closely associated with the strain Watermelon. And it has also been linked to OG Kush. But the exact genetics are currently unknown. The combination of the terpenes makes it taste exactly like a watermelon Jolly Rancher. The Watermelon auto resulted from crossing Tropicana Cookies X Lemon OG. Top terpenes are Linalool, Pinene and Myrcene. Those first two seem to have links to increase anxiety. And I am sensitive to those.
Medical benefits include relief from stress, anxiety, insomnia, pain relief and mood improvement. Even eaten as a concentrate, the benefits are there. And if you are sensitive to tastes, like I am, the taste is very tolerable.
Affirmation: My joints never run. My bong is always clean. My bowls are overflowing with fresh greens.
“The DEA is part of the army of good working people working against the evil of drugs. The cartels deal in death, but we fight for life. This is not about politics; it’s about survival. Together, as one nation, we will end this fentanyl crisis and protect our people.”
-Acting Administrator, Derek Maltz
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I’m going to discuss one of the leading killers in our nation, FENTANYL. The correct pronunciation is (Fen-ta-nil). Fentanyl is a very powerful synthetic opioid that is used in surgery as an anesthetic to control severe pain. However, over the past decade, the drug has made its way into the illicit drug supply by way of cartels who are supplied most of the time from China where fentanyl is manufactured. And the street value of a counterfeit pill of fentanyl ranges from $1 to $3 a pill. And this is why fentanyl is so affordable and appealing to anyone.
With the opioid crisis that began in the 1990s and the lack of alternative pain control, chronic pain sufferers were forced to go to the streets to handle it themselves. I also suffer from chronic pain. A few years ago when I was living in Texas, no matter how much I told my doctors about my increasing nerve pain that has spread all over my body, no one would help me. I began to think that maybe my medical issues weren’t legit. What I soon found out was that the fear of healthcare professionals of persecution because of doctors who went too far and had opened clinics called “pill mills.” These were clinics that resembled pain clinics that were prescribed without sufficient medical history. Patients in these types of facilities received only prescriptions as a cash only transaction.
“Overdose deaths involving primarilyfentanyl totaled 73,838 reported in 2022”
The result was an astronomical amount going to people for forming both a physical and mental addiction on these drugs. What it also caused was the people with legitimate pain issues who had no access to medications that made their pain tolerable. Chronic pain will lead you to a couple of different places for relief. The streets where pills are sold illicitly or suicide. It’s not always about wanting to be a criminal. And unfortunately, our nation didn’t have answers to help with those needs. I had used medical cannabis previously when I lived in Albuquerque, NM. Texas, however, was a big southern slow towards that goal.
I tried everything I could get my hands on to help manage my pain without success. So, I headed to the streets for relief. I went down into the area of south Dallas which was nothing but hoodrats and drug dealers. And I was only able to go into those areas because I was with someone else who was already well known in that area. I was a gay white female who people there thought was a cop. I might be a lot of things but a narc I am not. I’ll be honest, that area was scary as hell. But I felt that I had no other options. And so I started buying pills from a dealer.
“The latest DEA laboratory testing announced earlier this fall, indicates that 5 out of every 10 pills tested contain a potentially deadly dose of fentanyl. Two milligrams of fentanyl is considered a lethal dose. For perspective, one gram of fentanyl, equivalent in size to a sugar packet, has the potential to kill up to 500 people.” (DEA.gov, 2024).
At the time, pills were going for $1/mg. This means that a pharmaceutical pain pill that was 30mg went for $30. And because these pills were harder to come by means that the prices were constantly increasing. So, I might get pain relief for one night. The next day I was in horrible pain yet again. When you buy drugs off the street, you are forced to unfortunately buy what is available. And some of it is pretty difficult to come by. And each time you take the medication you are playing Russian roulette. And I didn’t care. I needed relief like I needed air.
I was only able to buy morphine 60mg tablets which equaled $60/day which was impossible to come by for me. Buying on the streets is always a crapshoot about being able to stay in contact with more than one dealer. It’s a game of who if anyone will come through for you. Desperation will lead you to doing irrational things. And it was worth it at the time. I consider myself incredible that I didn’t become a statistic to fentanyl. And I never became addicted to anything that I used there.
“Fentanyl is 100 times more potent than morphine.”
(DEA.gov, 2024)
Fentanyl is in everything now. If kids get some pills from a friend that bought them from a dealer and it has been cut with fentanyl, they’re dead. Narcan, which is a medication that helps to reverse the effects of an opiate, definitely helps to reverse overdose. But what if you took the pill right before you got into bed hoping for a nice, peaceful sleep pain free? No one is there and narcan then means nothing.
While growing up in the 80’s the drugs were still safe to experiment with. But now they’re not. Fentanyl is one of those drugs that has seemed to grab my attention about its hidden dangers. Some people are being intentionally poisoned due to fentanyl. And it scares the hell out of me for my kids.
I invite you to watch videos on YouTube about fentanyl awareness. One of my personal favorites is Texas Documentaries that has a new video every couple of days about how fentanyl has destroyed so many lives and their families. Have fun. Stay safe. And educate yourselves and those you love about the dangers of fentanyl.
“We’ve been at the forefront of this fight against synthetic opioids since the very beginning. We are committed to combating fentanyl, and the men and women of CBP are up to the task.”
-CBP Senior Official Performing the Duties of the Commissioner Troy Miller
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today is the last day for the Pride strain reviews. I enjoy doing strain reviews, especially those that relate in some way to our celebrations. Sit for a moment while I introduced you to our last little sassy beast.
The name of today’s strain highlight is Rancid Rainbow. The genetics include Rainbow Sherbert #11 x Rancid Skunk. And just the name of genetic strains we know that this one is probably, at the very least, a hybrid. It’s almost a truly equal hybrid. But a slight indica dominant strain sits at a 60%/40% ratio. On the inhale is the immediate “fruity pebble cereal” flavoring. On the back end is that stink that give it its name. And even though the genetics are skunky, it still carries that fuel stink and taste.
This is a strain that can be used during the day with moderation. Too much of this little girl and you might as well clock out. She’s a strong one at 29% THC. Her medical effects help to relief stress and pain at the top. And while the rest of us are almost finished with Pride, she is a “ride-or-die” that you want riding shotgun in your medicine cabinet. Rancid Rainbow ranks at 4.5 out of 5 as a total package. Well done, Southern Grown Therapeutics!
I hope everyone has enjoyed all of the Pride celebrations for 2025. Everyone in the Pride family, I encourage you to gather your strength and carry the Pride flag within you everywhere you go. We have some difficult days ahead while “The Furor” is in power. He can run his mouth. But he can’t take our RANCID RAINBOW!
“Always remember, if you have been diagnosed with PTSD, it is not a sign of weakness; rather, if is proof of your strength, because you have survived!”
-Unknown
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to take time out from celebrating Pride, to give light to National PTSD Awareness Day. This one hit hard as I’ve lived with PTSD longer than I’ve lived without it. And there are so many of us who don’t make it to the other end of the tunnel. It’s an incredibly dark place to wake up to and go to sleep with every night.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) dates back to ancient civilizations and military conflicts. Terms used early on included “combat-related stress,” “shellshock,” “combat fatigue,” and “railway spine.” In the 1800s and early 1900s, the “talking cure: was popularized by Sigmund Freud and introduced in medical literature. And the treatment went from psychoanalysis to electric shock treatment. By the 1950s, the treatments had become more humane. However, now people would not admit to any traumatic symptoms due to the stigma. So, group therapy and psychotropic medications were introduced (blackbearrehab.com, 2025).
In the 1970s Vietnam veterans began experiencing a lot of psychological problems that persisted even after returning home. And survivors of domestic abuse were also included. In the 1980s, PTSD was officially recognized as a mental health problem. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders adopted the diagnosis where it has remained (blackbearrehab.com, 2025).
PTSD is a developed from a traumatic event. C- PTSD when a traumatic event continues for months and years or multiple events occur. The intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, insomnia, avoidance, memory problems, detachment from friends and family, feeling emotionally numb, hyper startle, irritability, trouble concentrating, impulsive behavior, paranoia, severe anxiety, nightmares, suicidal ideations and actions and uncontrollable thoughts about the event. And over time, these symptoms completely devour who you once were (MayoClinic.org, 2025).
I know that PTSD is typically related to soldiers. I am here to tell you that I never went into the military. But the PTSD that I deal with, as a result of domestic violence, grabbed hold of me and has never let go. It has completely stripped me of everything that I used to enjoy. I don’t care about relationships. I question people about their intentions, even if they’re pure and good. I’m constantly waiting for the next shoe to drop. I don’t have typical reactions to being scared. I could see a moth out, of the corner of my peripheral vision, and then jump and scream like Jeffery Dahmer was staring at me and about to take the first bite. I face the stigmas of both friends and family mainly due to a lack of understanding. However, the reasearch information is everywhere. Sometimes others just need to their own leg work. I have come to realize that instead of trying to find out how PTSD affects someone that you love, it’s “the easy way out” to just to be dismissive, embarrassed and judgmental instead. The attitude is “just change X behavior.” Without having a solution, the resounding message of “just make it go away” further ostracizes the person that you say you care about. And so the anticipated glimmer of hope dissipates further isolating the individual. And sadly, can lead to suicide.
PTSD is not about you, it’s about them. It’s just a diagnosis until it’s “you” that experiences it every day. It has taken me down to the point of putting a gun in my mouth. And because living in the abuse was so severe, I actually pulled the trigger after pointing the gun at my torso. It missed my heart by only a few centimeters. Nothing was messed up to the point of needing surgery. But self-harm is something that I’ve dealt with since I was a 13-year-old child. And I had no idea how to deal with all the overwhelming emotions of abuse. In that cold, dark closet where I began to self-harm, and as maladaptive as the behavior is, it worked. It was the only thing that worked to bring me back to complete balance. But the problem is that it became a true addiction issue that I continue to struggle with. And before you ask, yes I’ve done a lot of therapy. It’s not that the therapy doesn’t. It’s that the addiction is that strong.
PTSD is a true injury on the brain. The brain’s job is to help you survive in any way possible. So, we reach for anything to help calm the barrage of intrusive thoughts, memories, smells and sounds. And once it’s been damaged through a traumatic event, it creates a “work around” solution. What typically works? Self-harm and substance abuse creates almost instant comfort. You don’t have to wait for 6-8 weeks to reach your therapeutic dose efficacy to begin working. It’s an immediate fix that some of have to use just to stay alive.
Cannabis was recommended when all other “Big Pharma” medications failed. And it has saved my life on a daily basis ever since. Cannabis seems to put a cloud over my brain saying, “Settle just for a moment.” And for that moment, I can take a break from the constant paranoia and overstimulation of a brain that wanted to do nothing more than survive. And that, is my battlefield. It wasn’t in Iraq, Afghanistan or Vietnam. My battlefield is everywhere I go. I fear people and social situations in a way that most cannot understand.
It literally takes me about a week in advance to start prepping to leave my house just to go to pick up medications,that I,unfortunately have to take. But I don’t take anymore psych meds. I was extremely sick, coming off all the meds that I had been begging for over two years to be tapered off. And I got tired of waiting, so I did it myself. I don’t advise this way because it was a really miserable process. However, I was at a point of desperation. And now about 6 months later, I feel like a new human being after the toxic feeling of all the medications. All of my true feelings and emotions have awakened, and I really like feeling somewhat comfortable at times.
My personal opinion is that anyone returning home from the active duty should be handed an ounce of weed the minute they step off the plane to do with as they wish. And it would be perfectly ok if they gave it away. That’s like paying it forward in “Weed-O-Nomics.” As it stands, soldiers come home from a war that never ends. And they are committing suicide at a rate of 22 soldiers a day. And that is less than unacceptable.
As the topic of cannabis continues to circulate among social circles and national politics, I hope that veterans from our military will step out against the shame that is felt from social stigmas. And reach for the plant that can “help take the gun out of your mouth.” Cannabis doesn’t cure PTSD because it wasn’t the one who caused it. But it does make things much more tolerable.
Thanks for reading! Happy Pride everyone!
Affirmation: I am resilient and capable of healing.
“Two wrongs don’t make a right, but two joints made my night.”
-Unknown
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Okie dokie! Today, I’m going to review strains that go along with Pride. Since I’m a lesbian, it wouldn’t be nice of me not to mention the part of the parade that I enjoy watching. It’s the “Dykes On Bikes” portion of the parade where some of the most masculine lesbians ride through on their motorcycles. And I assure you that your fragile masculinity could be smashed by some of these ladies. “Lady Lesbians Of The Bikes” I honor you with the cannabis strain with the Blues Brothers’s Label: Motorbreath.
This greasy, yet sexy, hybrid strain was actually named from a song called Motorbreath on Metallica’s 1983 album Kill’Em All. The diesel taste feels like it would be better suited on their Garage Days album. Anyway, what a pleasant surprise to find out those origins that lead back to my favorite heavy metal band of all time, Metallica. The nostalgia of this entire product just floods me with so many good memories. Because the taste will take you back, while the effects wrap you up.
Jim Belushi and Dan Aykroyd actually own Blues Brothers brand. John Belushi was a comedian and actor who traveled with Dan Aykroyd and performed as Jake and Elwood Blues. John Belush eventually died of a drug overdose. And his brother has been building a cannabis business in his honor. Jim Belushi stated in his reality program Belushi Farms, “Had my brother had access to medical cannabis, he would still be alive.”
This strain while definitely “stinky,” with some diesel fumes isn’t as heavy as the GMO strain. And it is ever since of the word “hybrid.” It feels like a sativa until the gassy, indica back end catches you. The strain has a lineage of Chemdog and SFV OG KUSH (San Fernando Valley). This would be a good strain for a lunch break if you can tolerate the indica effects. It’s used for chronic pain and stress. I think that it’s a strain for beginner or moderate users. And more of a “chill” strain for us experienced users. However, at 28.4% THC it won’t take long before it disables you for your entire lunch break. An Absolutely great hybrid in my book. The terpene profile is Caryophyllene, Myrcene and Limonene. This indica-dominant hybrid is definitely 4.25 out of 5 on the rating scale. A uniquely beautiful strain that will help many people no matter where on the continuum you reside. Way to go Blues Brothers!
“Dykes On Bikes” comeback you forgot your diesel! Happy Pride, everyone!
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Are you wondering what’s the big deal with Kratom? You may not even know what Kratom is. Today, I will tell you why there’s so many things in the news about upcoming legislation.
Kratom is pronounced (Cray-tom)Kratom is a tree native to Southeast Asia. The ground leaves, when consumed in low doses, acts as a stimulant. And in high doses function as a sedative and can lead to psychotic symptoms and both psychological and physical dependence. Kratom contains two major psychoactive ingredients mitragynine and 7-hydroxymytragynine. The leaves are powdered and can then be smoked, brewed with tea, gel capsules or mixed into a liquid. Or the leaves can be chewed. It can also lead to addiction.
There have been several cases of psychosis and symptoms including hallucinations, delusion and confusion upon use. The effects on the body include nausea, itching, sweating, dry mouth, constipation, increased urination, tachycardia, vomiting, drowsiness and loss of appetite. Users have also experienced anorexia, weight loss, insomnia, hepatoxicity, seizure and hallucinations (getsmartaboutdrugs.gov, 2024).
I used Kratom for a while to help with chronic pain. And I have to admit that it helped. When I used it, I would mix a spoonful into some orange juice and drink it. The taste is extremely bitter. And overall, I just didn’t like the way that it made me feel. I never became addicted to this substance. I can understand why people can become addicted to it. All you have to do is look at the list of side effects to realize that those same type of signs and symptoms are related to opiate use. And some people believe that Kratom is, in fact, an opiate needing some type of legislation.
Kratom supporters argue that it is helpful for chronic pain and opiate addicts. And I personally can’t deny those facts. And with it also being a plant, some people argue that it’s safe like cannabis. It is not. Kratom can actually lead to overdose death. Cannabis has yet to have a casualty. I don’t think that it’s completely horrible. I do think that it’s a substance that needs to be used with caution. And I also don’t believe that minors should be allowed to buy it legally. Kids just don’t use it in moderation and always look to just get high. And there have been deaths associated with its use.
There are several countries that have also banned the possession and use of kratom. These countries include:
As with most substances like this, the FDA does not approve of it. And unlike cannabis, there are no safety measures that have been set in place for regulation. There is no testing of the product to identify pesticides, molds or any cutting substances. Therefore, you have absolutely no idea what has been mixed in with this plant. And for this reason, I agree that that testing should be required prior to the sale.
The DEA currently has Kratom listed as a “drug of concern.” And it will be scheduled under the Substance Abuse Act. The DEA also stated that they will seek to list Kratom as a Schedule 1 drug which has a high potential for abuse and no currently accepted medical use. And a lack of accepted safety for use under medical supervision (dea.gov, 2016) Currently, individual states have launched their own legislation regarding this substance.
The Six states that have already banned kratom are: Alabama, Arkansas, Indiana, Rhode Island, Vermont and Wisconsin. Other states have enacted legislation about minimum age requirements like nicotine and alcohol. The safest thing to do is to read about the risks involved and make your own decision. And check current legislation in your state for its legal status. Be careful if you have a history of addiction.
If you have minor teens or children, do not let them take this substance. This should only be allowed for adults. Enjoy it while you can. Because this is another substance that will eventually be banned throughout the country. Where it might have been initially used legitimately for years, the substance has proven to be deadly on all fronts. Thanks for reading! Take what you can and leave the rest.
Affirmation: You are stronger than your temptation.
