This Puzzled Life is a mental health and recovery blog exploring addiction, trauma healing, LGBTQ experiences, humor, and the strange moments that shape us.
“Authenticity is fabulous. Chaos is optional. Microphones are not for kissing.”
-The Gay Ancestors
Light the charcoal. Light the rainbows. Light the disgrace. Light the incense because the gay ancestors are about to perform a spiritual intervention. Today, we gather to discuss President Donald J. Trump. The first bisexual president in American history. And unfortunately, the first president to confuse a press conference with a Pride afterparty. A microphone with a consenting adult. And the Lincoln Memorial with a man he met on Grindr in 2009.
Harvey Milk is pacing like a disappointed dad at a PTA meeting. Marsha P. Johnson is shaking her head so hard her flower crown is slipping. Sylvia Rivera is already halfway out the door to “handle it.” Stormé DeLarverie is cracking her knuckles. Miss Major is sipping her tea muttering, “This ain’t the representation we fought for.” Even the rainbow flag has filed for FMLA.
Let’s be honest. The queer community wanted a bisexual president. We deserved a bisexual president. We manifested a bisexual president. But what we got was Donald Trump. A man in his death‑bed‑confession era who’s wandering around the White House like a bisexual Forrest Gump with dementia. And saying things that make even the microphones ask for hazard pay.
The Bisexual Behaviors That Have Us Mortified
1. The Microphone Incident During a press briefing Donald leaned in. Puckered up. And gave the microphone the kind of attention usually reserved for a Pride weekend hookup. Piper walked out of the room whispering, “I can’t watch this man commit felonies against audio equipment.”
2. The “Sir, Your Ass Is a National Treasure” Moment Coco still hasn’t recovered. She said, “I was licking my paw. Minding my business. And suddenly he’s complimenting a reporter’s butt like he’s judging a drag pageant.”
3. The Secret Service Seduction Tinkerbell reports, “He winked at Agent Rodriguez so hard he sprained his eyelid. They had to call medical.” Stormé DeLarverie is somewhere whispering, “I should’ve been president.”
4. The ‘Daddy’ Debacle Donald called the Speaker of the House “Daddy” on live television. Harvey Milk fainted. Marsha P. Johnson threw her purse.
5. The Lincoln Memorial Comment He said, “Lincoln has big top energy.” Sylvia Rivera screamed into a throw pillow.
6. The Bicurious Budget Meeting He told the Joint Chiefs, “We need to cut spending. But not on men’s underwear ads.” Miss Major simply stood up and left the room.
The community’s reaction included drag queens have issued a formal statement titled: “We Do Not Claim This Man.” Bisexuals everywhere are filing emotional damage claims. Grindr has banned the entire ZIP code of Washington, D.C. The rainbow flag has taken a personal day and refuses to return until further notice. The gay ancestors have formed a committee called The Council of Queer Disappointment. Even the cats have opinions.
Piper: “He’s giving chaotic Gemini energy and I don’t like it.”
Coco: “I’ve seen hairballs with more dignity.”
Tinkerbell: “He needs to be put in a time‑out with no glitter.”
So here we stand, America. Under the leadership of a man who treats microphones like romantic partners. Flirts with monuments. And confesses bisexual thoughts like he’s reading slam poetry at a nursing home talent show. We wanted a bisexual president who embodied authenticity, courage, and queer brilliance. We wanted a leader who honored the legacy of Harvey, Marsha, Sylvia, Stormé, Miss Major, and every ancestor who fought for liberation.
Instead, we got Donald Trump. A bisexual fever dream wrapped in dementia‑era confessionals. Wandering the halls of the White House asking men if they “work out their glutes.” The gay ancestors have spoken. “This is not our king. This is a chaotic bisexual raccoon in a suit.” And honestly they’re right.
So let this be a lesson to America. If you’re going to elect a bisexual president, make sure he’s not in his confused‑grandpa‑thirst‑trap era. Giving microphones a blow job. And calling political leaders “Daddy.” As well as being a power bottom for a Russian dictator and an Israeli prime minister. Because representation matters. And this representation has us hiding behind throw pillows. Clutching pearls and whispering, “Not like this, Lord. Not like this.” Glitter explosion. Cats judging silently. To our fellow family members in the LGBTQIA+ community, I am so sorry this is the example of our first gay president. Go VOTE!!!
Affirmation: I am glittery. Grounded. Guided by ancestors who know better. And protected from chaotic bisexual presidents by the power of rainbow boundaries.
“Gender is who you are. Sexuality is what you want.”
-C.N. Lester,”Trans Like Me: A Journey for All of Us”
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Okie dokie! What I have learned about the LGBTQIA+ community is that there is almost a separate language that has been devised over time. Most of the terms I already know. However, the evolution continues. The common theme, though, is that no matter how you identify or what you prefer, our communities are all about inclusion. You are free to be who and what you are. And that’s what has kept everything so powerful. So many of us have been shunned or seen as “less than” by our families of origin. Therefore, we find comfort and solace in our “chosen” families where we can all take refuge under that beautiful rainbow flag with our straight allies. As I continue to attempt to “stomp out stupidity,” I have made a list of common terms and their explanations. This is by no means a comprehensive list. There could be volumes written on this topic. I did, however, try to make a list of the most common. Happy Pride! And happy reading!
Pride community-Alphabet mafia, Friend of Dorothy, Skittle mafia, Rainbow mafia,Fruit flies(also known as someone who is heterosexual but hangs out with gay males or lesbians).
Symbols for the gay community– Unicorns, lavender rhinos, rainbow, butterflies (gender transitioning), lavender plants, pink triangle.
Running-shoe lesbian– over 35 who wear jogging shoes with everything.
Celesbian-a famous lesbian
High Femme– a lesbian woman who presents extremely feminine.
Baby Dyke– someone who recently came out as a lesbian.
Dykon– a famous woman (not necessarily gay), who is popular among lesbian women and seen as a gay icon.(Joan Jett, Melissa Etheridge, Ellen Degeneres. Portia de Rossi, Oprah, Laurel Holloman, Lady Gaga, Kate McKinnon, Lily Tomlin, Wanda Sykes.
Transitioning Individuals call the hormones of the opposite sex.
Titty skittles (estrogen pills)
Gender juice (HRT)
anti-HIS-tamines
Anti-boyotics
beach ball deflation
water balloon poppers
mammarinopes
Dic-tacs
Jack and Jill Party: A circle jerk that welcomed both gay men and lesbians who sometimes had sex with each other.
Fruit bat– People who associate with lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people may be called fruit flies regardless of their sex.
Dopplebanger– someone who is attracted to others who look like themself.
Motorboating– the activity of putting one’s face between a woman’s breasts, and rocking, turning one’s head rapidly from side to side while making a noise like a motorboat.
Uhauling– a relationship that moves very quickly and the couple moves in together.
Gay Water– instead of mineral or sparkling water
Pillow princess– someone who prefers to receive sex rather than giving sex. This is not just in the gay community.
Cottaging – having or seeking anonymous gay sex in a public toilet, or ‘cottage’ (UK)
Down-low– homosexual or bisexual activity, kept secret, by men who have sex with men.
Femme– a feminine homosexual
Gaydar– the supposed ability to detect someone’s sexual orientation.
Gaussian – a gay Asian person
Gold star– a homosexual who has never had heterosexual sexual intercourse with the opposite sex.
Platinum Star(male)-gay male is someone who was delivered as a baby by C-section
Platinum Star(female)– gay female is an individual who has never slept with a man and was born via vaginal birth, meaning the first thing they ever touched was a vagina.
Prison Brides-Are individuals who engage in homosexual relationships while in prison.
Guydyke or lesboy – a man attracted to lesbian/bisexual women,
Scissoring – used to refer to lesbian intercourse.
Cock blocking– (male) someone who interferes with flirting, making out or having sex you’re interested in.
Cliterference– (female) someone who interferes with flirting, making out or having sex with someone you’re interested in.
Beach bitch – a gay man who frequents beaches and resorts for sexual encounters.
Top– usually the more dominant partner.
Bottom – a receptive partner in intercourse; also used as a verb for the state of receiving sexual stimulation.
Power bottom – someone who dominantly plays the receptive role in intercourse.
Otter-refers to a gay man who is slender and hairy, a middle ground between a “twink” and a “bear.”
Baby butch – a young and boyish lesbian
Bambi lesbian – a lesbian who prefers cuddles, hugs, kisses, and other affectionate and sensual non-sexual acts over sexual acts
Hasbian – a woman who previously identified as lesbian but now identifies as heterosexual.
Lesbian until graduation (LUG) – a young woman who is assumed to be temporarily experimenting with same-sex behavior, but will ultimately have heterosexual identity.
Lipstick lesbian – a lesbian/bisexual woman who displays historically feminine attributes such as wearing make-up, dresses, and high heels
Soft butch – an in between femme and butch
Stone butch – a very masculine lesbian, or a butch lesbian who does not receive touch during intercourse, only giving.
Stud – a black butch
Chicken – a youthful gay man
Chubby chaser – a man seeking overweight males
Daddy – a typically older gay male.
Twink − a youthful, slim,flamboyant gay man.
Bear – a larger and often hairier man. The bear subgroup is among the oldest and largest of the LGBTQ community. Pride.com states “Bears are on the heavier side, either muscular, beefy, or chunky. They wouldn’t dream of shaving their body hair (which comes in abundance) and they usually have a full beard to match.”
Cub– a younger bear. Pride.com describes cubs as “baby bears” or “large, hairy guys in their teens and 20s who are on their way to becoming a bear.
Bear chaser – a man who seeks out and pursues bears
Wolf – Pride.com says, “Similar to an otter, a wolf has some hair and is in between a twink and a bear. Wolves typically have a lean, muscular build and are sexually aggressive. Wolves are “typically older and masculine” with a muscular/athletic build.
Bull– Pride.com says a bull is a “hunky, muscular” bodybuilder who weighs 200 pounds or more. Attitudesays bulls have a “super-muscular build” with any hair style, and can be any age.
Chicken – a young twink. Chickens are hairless and young with a slim or skinny build.
Chicken hawk – an older man who seeks younger men. From chickenhawk, a designation for several birds which are thought to hunt chickens.
Pig – someone who is focused on sex than anything else, often into kinkier and sexual practices.
Silver fox – an older man with gray hair.
Bi-sexual– sexually attracted to both genders
Pansexuality does not mean bi-sexuality. It is an attraction to personalities, not a specific gender.
Questioning– people who are unsure of sexual identity, orientation, gender or all three.
Cisgender-gender identity who corresponds to their birth, not transgender.
Asexual– someone who experiences little or no sexual attraction to others.
Intersexed– a person who is born with both genitalia, chromosomes and/or hormones.
Leather subculture denotes practices and styles of dress organized around sexual activities that involve leather garments, such as leather jackets, vests, boots, chaps, harnesses, or other items. The New York Stonewall Riots in 1969, members of the leather community stood next to drag queens to fight for equality; it was an act that kicked off the modern-day LGBT rights movement. And it brought the leather culture out into the light. The Leather Community supports both within and from the LGBT community.
The Puppy movement involves both men and women wearing canine-shaped hoods and walking on all fours, just like a real puppy—or bio-puppy, as they are referred to.
“A leather boy is trained and it is a militant situation where the boy is there to serve a master. But a boy has a voice in the family. The puppy aspect is totally different. When you are in pup space, you are just going with whatever happens.”
Golden Showers– part of the philias where an individual gets off to someone peeing on them.
Kink subculture happens in both heterosexual and homosexual communities.
Two-Spirit: A term used by some Indigenous peoples in North America to describe people who embody both male and female spirits.
Furries • Xenophilia is the term for the sexual attraction to furry characters.Furries are people who identify with animals who have human characteristics, like cartoon characters. “Furry” is not considered a gender identity; it is a term referring to someone who has an interest in anthropomorphic animals, meaning animals with human characteristics, and is considered a fandom or hobby, not a personal identity related to gender. People who identify as “furries” are interested in creating or engaging with animal characters with human traits, not necessarily claiming to be an animal themselves.
I hope that some of these terms have helped to educate you on some of the language in the pride community. Some of these terms and classifications differ depending on where you are located. Take what you can use and leave the rest. Be who you are. And love who you are. Thanks for reading! Happy Pride!
“Shine with pride, because your light helps to brighten the world.”
