This Puzzled Life is a mental health and recovery blog exploring addiction, trauma healing, LGBTQ experiences, humor, and the strange moments that shape us.
“When I was a kid, I inhaled frequently. That was the point.”
-Barack Obama
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to tell you about a strain called Obama Runtz by River Remedy/The Sipp. I don’t know about you, but after a year of the current administration, I needed to see some hope. And this strain makes me miss the days of former president Obama.
Obama Runtz is a 70/30 indica-dominant hybrid. It is a 3-way cross between Afghani x OG Kush x Runtz. Afghani is another landrace indica strain found in the mountains of Afghanistan. OG Kush is a very popular indica-dominant hybrid strain that is a cross between Chemdawg x Hindu Kush. Runtz is a very popular hybrid that is a cross between Zkittlez x Gelato. These three strains are some of the first ones that I tried when I first began using medical cannabis. So, a combination of all three has made for an enjoyable experience.
The top terpenes for this are B-Caryophyllene, a-Humulene, Caryophyllene Oxide. The medical benefits include relief from depression, chronic stress, anxiety, nausea, appetite loss, insomnia, and other sleep conditions. And when the political environment gets too heavy, this strain is perfect for taking you down a few notches and help you chill. Thanks for reading! Keep blazin.’
Affirmation: I am manifesting more cannabis into my life.
“It’s CBD. It helps with the healing process and inflammation, stuff like that…it’s make your life a better place.”
-Nate & Nick Diaz, MMA fighters
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy, go away. Today is National CBD Month, a time dedicated to raising awareness and educating the public about cannabidiol (CBD).
By now, millions of Americans have learned about the benefits of CBD. However, there are still individuals who choose pharmaceuticals over this natural aid. That is why it’s imperative to clearly state the advantages of using CBD, so others around the world can gain access to it.
CBD has helped many people with both physical and mental health needs, yet it continues to carry a stigma. The main reason for this is the long-standing legal ban on cannabis, since cannabis and CBD are derived from the same plant. When the 2018 Farm Bill federally legalized all hemp products, it clarified that hemp is a part of the cannabis plant containing less than 0.3% THC. With CBD, individuals can experience the benefits of the plant without getting high.
In 2019, the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) reported that CBD ranked fourth in the U.S. for wellness-related Google searches. This demonstrates CBD’s growing popularity and the public’s desire to learn more. Despite this, 35% of Americans were still unfamiliar with it at the time. In 2020, CBDMD founded National CBD Month to celebrate the availability of CBD products and to expand access to them. Their mission has helped highlight why CBD is sometimes prescribed to cancer patients when traditional medications fall short (https://nationaltoday.com/national-cbd-month/?utm_source=chatgpt.com).
Unfortunately, as if recent legislation hadn’t caused enough harm, a clause has been introduced that would ban these products starting in November 2026. While it’s true that some companies produced dangerously unregulated hemp products that were sold to minors and some consumers became sick, the response should have been regulation, not an outright ban. Instead of protecting consumers through oversight and safety standards, lawmakers chose to eliminate access altogether, which is one of many questionable decisions they’ve made.
My hope is that lawmakers will reconvene and recognize that banning this substance entirely will do more harm than good. Proper regulation would protect consumers while allowing people to make healthier choices for their medical and mental health needs.
Thanks for reading, and stay tuned for updates on this issue.
Affirmation: I choose informed, mindful wellness that supports my body and nervous system.
“If weed puns are a sin, then I’ll see you inhale.”
-Unknown
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about the strain known as Apple Banana Bread. And this time of the year a freshly baked bread sounds pretty good.
Apple Banana Bread is an indica-dominant strain. The genetics include Platinum Cookies x Grandaddy Purple x Blue Power x Gelatti. And this might be one of my new favorite strains. Let’s look at the diverse genetic line a little closer. Platinum Cookies is a cross between OG Kush x Durban Poison. Grandaddy Purple is a cross between Mendo Purps x Skunk x Afghanistan. Blue Power is a 4-way cross between Sour Double x Master Kush x The White x Blue Moonshine. Gelatti is a cross between Gelato x OG Biscotti. What a truly beautiful genetic line. No wonder I love this strain.
On inhale the first taste is something very sweet and somewhat floral. The dominant terpenes in this strain are Pinene, Caryophyllene and Myrcene. The medical benefits include relief from stress, anxiety, pain, mood, appetite, and sleep. This strain has some truly hard-core munchies that hit with gusto. It’s not so strong that it will give you “couch lock.” It feels a lot like blue dream with more indica.
I highly suggest this strain as an everyday use. It can be used on a lunch break if used in moderation. And for nighttime use, it works good enough to send you gently into dreamland. The only thing that would be better would be a concentrate in this strain. And I am headed out to look for it. Thanks for reading! Keep blazin.’
Affirmation: I make health choices when it comes to weed.
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to tell you about a strain that reminds me of cold mornings when I was a kid. The strain is called Blueberry Muffins.
Blueberry Muffins is an 80/20 indica-dominant hybrid that many stoners love. It is a cross between Purple Panty Dropper x Blueberry. Purple Panty Dropper is a cross between Purple Haze x Oregon Grape x Matanuskan Mist. Blueberry is a cross between Purple Thai x Afghan. This strain is just loaded with great genetics. And it’s one that I really enjoy.
The major terpenes in this strain are Myrcene, Caryophyllene, Limonene, Humulene, and Bisabolol. Patients report relief from conditions such as chronic pain, anxiety, stress, nausea, headaches, and migraines. This strain is just an all-around good strain. It’s good for both day and nighttime. It’s still a very indica strain that is what I need with overstimulation. If you are used to smoking heavy indicas, this one is not that potent. Beware of the dreaded “couch lock” if not used in moderation though. But it is still strong enough to use at night. This is a very popular strain in the area in which I live. And I would highly recommend this strain for potency and that wonderful berry flavoring. Thanks for reading! Keep blazin’.
“A marijuana high can enhance core human mental abilities.”
-Sebastian Marincolo
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negativity energy, go away. Today, I want to talk to you about a strain called Jelly Breath. And thinking about warm toast with butter and jelly goes perfectly with this one.
The strain Jelly Breath is an indica-dominant hybrid. The genetics are a cross between Mendo Breath x Do-si-do. Now let’s break this down and talk about this strains heritage. Mendo Breath is an indica strain made by crossing OGKB x Mendo Montage. Sounds like dankness to me. And Do-si-do is a cross between OGKB (OG Kush Breath is a Girl Scout Cookies phenotype) x Face Off OG. I don’t know about you, but if a strain has GSC in the lineage, it’s bound to be good.
There is a lot of indica in this strain. Medical benefits provide relief from insomnia, depression, and muscle spasms. And I will agree 100%! The taste is earthy, fruity, and sweet. The major terpenes in this strain are trans-Caryophyllene, Limonene and Linalool. This is considered a top in hybrids for me. Because it gives you just enough “get-up-and-go” to satisfy any smoker without the worry about an anxiety provoking sativa overload. Thanks for reading! And keep blazin.’
Affirmation: Being a stoner has taught me that I can problem solve, build new things and give old things new life.
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negativity energy, go away. Today, I want to discuss a strain known as Red Runtz. This sassy little strain gives you that get up and go” th50at is sure to make your day productive.
Red Runtz is a 50/50 hybrid cross between Runtz X Red Pop. Runtz is a very popular hybrid strain that is a cross between Zkittlez x Gelato. Red Pop is a 60/40 indica-dominant hybrid strain from Strawberry x Cookies & Cream. This strain has a very sweet and fruity taste.
Top terpenes are Caryophyllene, Limonene and Humulene. And patients report relief from anxiety, stress, depression, nausea, and insomnia. This is another good strain for that mid-day needing a “pick-me-up” at lunch time. Not bad for a strain where you can experience a nice “chill” moment to get ready for the rest of the day. Keep blazin.’ Stay safe.
Affirmation: I am grateful for the plant that helps me relax and find joy in life’s simple blessings.
“Weed taught me patience. Mostly because I forget what I was doing.”
-Unknown
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negativity energy, go away. Today, I want to tell you about the strain known as Candied Apples. This one fits the time of year perfectly.
Candied Apples is a sativa-dominant hybrid that is a cross between Blueberry x Pineapple x Afghan. Blueberry is an indica-dominant hybrid cross between Purple Thai x Thai. Pineapple also known as “Pineapple OG” hybrid of possible genetics between OG Kush x Golden Goat x Pineapple Kush. Afghan is a naturally occurring stain in the Hindu Kush area of Afghanistan with minimal human influence. Thank you to the indica-dominant strains for taming the sativa influence.
Top terpenes include Pinene, Myrcene and Limonene. And it has been known to provide relief from depression, stress, and anxiety. Even though this strain shows a slight dominance of sativa in the terpenes, I didn’t have to worry about the additional anxiety. Another great lunchtime strain. Keep blazin.’ And stay safe.
Affirmation: I am using cannabis mindfully to achieve my goals, whether it’s focus, relaxation, or creativity.
“Some of my finest hours have been spent on my back veranda, hemp and observing as far as my eye can see.”
-Thomas Jefferson
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negativity energy, go away. Today, I want to review the strain Banana Cream Pie. Yep, doesn’t it sound like a strain that would go well during the Thanksgiving holiday? Sit tight, while I describe this nice add to the holidays.
Banana Cream Cake a.k.a Banana Cake is a sativa-dominant hybrid. This strain is made by crossing Wedding Cake x Monkey Banana. This has become one to add to my list of likes. With it being a sativa-dominant strain, I was a little skeptical about whether I would like it. But this little girl is a nice strain.
This strain hit me directly in the eyes like a prized fighter. But it’s not too anxiety provoking. I would be cautious with novice users. Because it will sneak up on you with it’s powerful kick. Patients choose this strain to help with symptoms of chronic depression, anxiety, and pain. I know. There is enough indica in it to tame that anxiety associated with sativas.
This strain was on Leafly’s top 12 strains of 2022 harvest. And what a sweet beauty she is. The sweetness of vanilla combined with chestnuts give this strain a sweet and hardy flavoring. Dominant terpenes are Limonene, trans-Caryophyllene and Linalool. Those with anxiety issues can enjoy but need to be careful and not overdo it.
Thanks for reading! Keep smilin’ and blazin.’
Affirmation: I am grateful for how cannabis expands my creative ability.
I am the light you tried to strangle, the light you tried to stifle in your chokehold.
But my light bled all over the pages of your book, your preconceived narratives, your filthy words and your attempts to bring terror back into the blank space of my eyes.
Who am I?
I’ll tell you who I am.
I birthed revolution in my bones like the many women that came before me.
I ignited flames beneath my skin, using the fiery spirits of women who walked beside me
as matches; we breathed fire into each other’s hearts until the world could see us and from the ashes we were reborn.
Who am I?
I’ll tell you who I am.
I am the fear in your hatred, the pain that you tried to use to violate my sacred spaces, rip me apart until I was nothing,
but I knew I would always be something, somebody, and now I am.
I am layers and layers of the love and power that act as your kryptonite,
and with the words and actions of all those who rose with me, I’ll build an impenetrable wall.
Who am I?
I am the thing that nightmarish people have nightmares about,
wake up sweating about, thinking about —
their furrowed brows tense with self-doubt —
wondering if I and the other warriors I march with could ever come back to life.
Who am I?
I am the restless rebel you tried to bury,
the one you tried to pull out by the root and eradicate when she began to grow from the seed.
Who am I?
I’ll tell you who I am.
I am the girl you left for dead thinking she’d always fall and never rise again.
I am the girl you cut with your razor blade wrath, the girl you thought would never fight back.
I am the girl you underestimated, the woman you tormented, the child whose shackles you tightened.
Who am I?
I think you already know –
I think you understand.
I am the prisoner you tried to cage, the little girl you made afraid –
I am the woman who never gave up, the one who exposed your charade —
Who am I?
I am everything and anything that you will stand againstto try to regain control.
For every source of darkness, there is a bleeding soul,
one that shines so brightly that the entire war zone becomes illuminated.
I am the truth, your karma, the revolt —
I am the resistance, the pieces you tried to keep shattered, coming back together again.
I emerge quietly, but I resound loudly —reverberate through your skin.
My power was never yours, and it was never yours to take.
“Trauma Bonding is like being a hostage who has developed an irrational affection for your captor. They can abuse you, torture you, even threaten to kill you, and you’ll remain inexplicably and disturbingly loyal.”
– Ann Clendening.
I posted this today to help give you a voice to your own abuser/abusers. I have been in therapy for many years, and sometimes, I even doubt these words. The problem is that we were so indoctrinated with their beliefs, comments, gas lighting, manipulation, and co-dependency that we formed a something called “trauma bonding.”
Trauma Bonding is an unhealthy emotional attachment that develops between a victim and their abuser. It is a complex issue that occurs in different abusive situations that include physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. But it’s also important to note that not everyone who goes through abuse forms a trauma bond. However, some people may be more prone to forming a trauma bond due to the early experiences as a form of repetition compulsion https://www.attachementproject.com, 2025). This can happen in domestic abuse, child abuse, elder abuse, exploitative employment, kidnapping or hostage-taking, human trafficking, and religious extremism or cults (https://medicalnewstoday.com, 2023).
Characteristics of Trauma Bonding:
· Intermittent Reinforcement: The abuser cycles between periods of abuse and kindness creating a sense of hope and dependence in the victim. Victims of abuse may be waiting for that next “feel-good moment” in the relationship that also keeps them trapped in a cycle of abuse and relief (https://www.domesticshelters.org, 2021).
v This is also how many addictions keep you stuck. If everything were bad all of the time, you would grow tired and leave. But the intermittent reinforcement is how they maintain control.
· Isolation: The abuser often isolates the victim from their support system, making them more vulnerable and reliant on the abuser ((https://medicalnewstoday.com, 2023).
v I was not completely isolated physically from my support systems. But emotionally I was very isolated. He constantly told me that my friends and family didn’t have my best interest at hand. He would make up lies about things they said and assassinate their character behind their backs.
· Fear and Insecurity: The victim experiences constant fear and insecurity, leading them to believe that they cannot escape the abusive situation (https://www.savantcare.com,2023).
v The constant fear and insecurity that I experienced was, in fact, my prison cell. And I was afraid to leave even when the door was wide open.
· Justification: The victim may rationalize the abuser’s actions or blame themselves for the abuse (https://thriveworks.com, 2024).
v I was conditioned to believe that everything I did that made him angry was my fault. And it wasn’t. Now, I can see that his actions were because of his behavior, not mine.
· Emotional Manipulation: The abuser uses emotional manipulation to control the victim’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors (https://wondermind.com, 2023).
v This right here was the #1 key factor for why I wouldn’t leave. He even told me, “No other man would ever put up with the things that I have to deal with in you. All of the good things about you, which aren’t many, are because of me. You are useless without me. I have given you everything you wanted. And disobeying me is the thanks that I get? Why do you need anti-depressants when there is no reason that you should be depressed.
Trauma bonding kept me trapped in an abusive situation. People have said, “Why didn’t you just leave?” The problem lies in the way they you manipulate you into believing that everything bad that happens, no matter how minor, is the victim’s fault. And day after day, their hold strengths without you even realizing it. And in my case, I felt as though I was responsible for their thoughts and feelings. I constantly strived to be “good enough” or “well deserving enough” to see the person that he told and showed me he could be when we met. And quite frankly, it was always just a game. Their abusive self is “the real them.” Believe your instincts and the colors in which they present themselves. For that is who they truly are.
If you have read through this and have never been in a situation where everything you do is being controlled, consider yourself lucky. But don’t you dare sit there and say, “It was their own fault that they didn’t leave.” That is one of the most callous things that you can say to someone who is currently trying to survive and those that have survived finally leaving that situation no matter how long it took.
You have absolutely no right to tell me or anyone else how we should feel simply because you have not experienced it. I stayed much longer than I should’ve. And there are times when I still beat myself up for it. Now though, I give myself some grace for not knowing how to leave or recognizing what was going on in plain sight. It’s not just one event that causes this. It’s something that happens every single day methodically planned and executed by the warden in the relationship.
Once you leave, I highly recommend getting into therapy. Just because you think that no damage has occurred, doesn’t mean that it hasn’t happened. Even now, 19 years later since I left him, I have phobias, anxiety, depression, difficulty concentrating, and difficulty making decisions. He has left a mark that will last a lifetime. And some of the things that he did I’ll never recover from. He once told me, “You’ll never be without me no matter what you do!” And the truth is that, while he still doesn’t have total control over me, I still allow parts of him to live rent free in my head.
The next post will be something that represents those of us who have managed to leave and have an understanding through therapy how and where to put the responsibility where it truly belongs, on them.
To those who are still in these types of relationships, I see you even when you don’t openly identify yourself. To those who have left and still live in fear, I see you and you’re not alone. To those of us who continue to strive to change those hard-core beliefs that were instilled by way of threats, intimidation, and violence, I see you as well. None of you are alone. And not all relationships are like this.
Find a therapist that you trust and open your soul to them. Coach has been a lifeline of compassion and understanding for me that I’ve rarely experienced. And she has never made fun of or questioned why I didn’t leave. Unconditional support and her teachings have made life possible for me many lonely nights. I will probably always struggle with some things and that’s ok. This process is certainly a marathon instead of a sprint. And there is no time limit for healing. The whole point is to continue showing up and moving forward in whatever way that might take shape. You are not on an island like you think. There are millions of us both male and female who struggle with the effects and consequences of domestic violence and abuse.
You are loved. You are wanted. And you deserve the good things that life has to offer. Thanks for reading! And I hope you look for the next blog in a couple of days that I post that will help you begin to find your voice. The power to heal is now and ours.
Affirmation: My story has power and inspiration through it.
This Puzzled Life 