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darnold1975

How This Administration Resembles a Codependent Domestic Violence Dynamic 

“Chaos is not leadership. And fear is not love.”

-This Puzzled Life

 Light the charcoal. Invoke the ancestors. Tell Big Mama to hold my earrings. And pass me the sweet tea. Because I am about to testify.

You wake up one morning. Look around at the state of the country and think, “Lord, this feels less like a government. And more like that one cousin who keeps choosing the same toxic partner even though the whole family has staged three interventions and a prayer circle.”

I’m not saying we’re in a co-dependent relationship with national leadership. I’m just saying the vibes are giving that “Baby, I promise I’ll change”, “You made me do this”, “Don’t you dare leave me. I’ll fall apart”, and “Ignore the chaos. Look at this shiny distraction.” And the ancestors are whispering, “Child, we survived Reconstruction, Jim Crow, and your Aunt Linda’s potato salad. We can survive this too.” Meanwhile my cats, Piper, Coco, and Tinkerbell, have been pacing the living room like furry social workers trying to diagnose the entire administration with a DSM‑5 entry that doesn’t exist yet. Here’s what they said.

Piper: “Momma, this administration is giving classic co-dependent chaos. The gaslighting alone could power a mid‑sized city.”

Coco: “I’ve seen healthier dynamics in a feral cat colony behind a Waffle House.”

Tinkerbell: “Honestly, I’m not saying the country needs therapy. But the country needs therapy. And snacks. Preferably tuna.”

They sat me down like I was the one making the decisions. Their tails flicking with judgment and said, “Write it down. People need to know.” So here we are with a few examples that we as a cat-led household made together. 

1. The Constant Emotional Whiplash

What it feels like: One day the national conversation is about infrastructure. The next day it’s about a celebrity feud. Then suddenly it’s a press conference about something unrelated. Followed by a late‑night social media post that sends the whole country into a spiral.

It’s the emotional equivalent of being told, “We’re breaking up,” “We’re getting married,” and “I bought a boat,” all in the same hour.

Piper: “Mother, I get less dizzy watching you spin in circles trying to find your keys.”

2. The Gaslighting Olympics

What it feels like: A statement is made publicly. It’s recorded. It’s replayed. Then the next day, the message becomes, “That never happened,” “You misunderstood,” or “You’re being dramatic.” It mirrors the emotional dynamic where someone denies your reality even while you’re holding the receipts in your hand like a CVS-length scroll.

Coco: “I once knocked a plant off the counter. And stared you dead in the face like I didn’t do it. Even I have more integrity than that.”

3. The Love‑Bombing Phase

What it feels like: Every time public frustration grows, there’s a sudden dramatic announcement. A big promise. A bold statement. And a “historic” something. It’s the political version of “I know I messed up. But look I bought you a gift! Don’t be mad.”

Tinkerbell: “Classic distraction technique. I’ve done this with yarn. Works every time.”

4. The Secret Lives

What it feels like: Meetings behind closed doors. Sudden policy shifts. Surprise announcements. Conflicting explanations. It creates the emotional sense of living with someone who has a whole second life you only find out about when the neighbors mention something suspicious.

Piper: “I’ve seen raccoons with more transparency. And raccoons literally wash their food in sewer water.”

5. The Blame‑Shifting Ballet

What it feels like: No matter what happens with economic issues, public confusion, international tension, the message becomes, “It wasn’t me.” “It was them.” “It was you.” “It was the weather.” “It was the deep state, the shallow state, the medium‑rare state.” It’s the emotional pattern of someone who breaks your favorite mug and then says, “Well, you shouldn’t have put it on a shelf.”

Coco: “I once blamed Piper for a fart. This is the same energy.”

6. The ‘Don’t Leave Me’ Panic

What it feels like: Every election cycle becomes a high‑stakes emotional hostage situation that sounds like, “If you leave, everything will fall apart.” “If you stay, everything will be fine.” “If you question me, you’re the problem.” It’s the classic codependent dynamic where the partner insists the relationship will collapse without them. Even though the relationship is already collapsing with them.

Tinkerbell: “Girl, I’ve seen cardboard boxes with more stability.”

Here’s the truth that is spoken with sage smoke swirling. And my cats nodding like furry elders. We deserve a better relationship with our government that feels less like we need a safety plan, a therapist, and a casserole from the church ladies. We deserve leadership that doesn’t trigger our fight‑or‑flight response every time we check the news. We deserve stability, accountability, and the emotional maturity of at least one well-adjusted adult. And until we get it, the ancestors say, “Stand tall. Speak truth. And don’t let anybody, especially your government,  treat you like you don’t know your worth.” Thanks for reading! And don’t forget to go vote.

Affirmation: I deserve clarity, truth, and safety in my relationships, my home, and my country.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!!!***

#ThisPuzzled Life

darnold1975

The New Orleans Saints Game That Turned My Cats Into Local Celebrities

“If your cats can survive New Orleans, they can survive anything. Including you.”

-This Puzzled Life

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. And ancestors? When you live in the South long enough, you don’t choose to be a Saints fan. You get spiritually drafted. One minute you’re minding your business. Frying chicken. And the next you’re hollering “Who Dat!!” at a stranger in the Dollar General parking lot like it’s a secret handshake. New Orleans culture doesn’t gently introduce itself. It busts through the door wearing sequins. Holding a hurricane daiquiri, and yelling, “Let’s Go!!”

So, when my ancestors whispered, “Take Piper, Coco, and Tinkerbell to a Saints game.” I didn’t question it. I didn’t argue. I didn’t even blink. I simply said, “Let me run this by my therapist before I end up on the news.”

I called her and said, “So, the ancestors told me to take the cats to a football game.” She blinked slowly. The kind of blink therapists do when they’re mentally updating your file to ‘Level 7 Chaos’. Then she said, “Dana, I say this with compassion. Your ancestors need boundaries.” I explained that boundaries were impossible because Piper had already packed a whistle. Coco was warming up her vocal cords. And Tinkerbell was meditating with her emotional-support rock. My therapist sighed. Wrote something in her notebook (probably “Lord, give me strength”), and said, “Fine. Just promise me one thing. Don’t let Piper call me again. Last time she tried, I thought my phone was possessed.” And with that professional blessing, or resignation, the adventure began.

We loaded up the car like we were fleeing a natural disaster. Piper immediately tried to drive. Coco brought a karaoke microphone “just in case.” Tinkerbell packed one item. Her emotional-support rock, which she named “Gerald.”

The drive down Interstate 59 was a fever dream. Piper kept pressing the hazard lights “for dramatic effect.” Coco was practicing vocal warm-ups like she was auditioning for Cat Idol. And Tinkerbell stared out the window whispering, “I sense mischief.” By the time we hit New Orleans, the humidity slapped us in the face like a Creole auntie saying, “You look thirsty, baby.”

We walked through the French Quarter. And the cats were immediately overstimulated. Piper tried to join a second line parade. Coco attempted to buy beads with counterfeit tuna packets. Tinkerbell stared at a street performer for 17 minutes without blinking. I was already sweating through my shirt and questioning my life choices.

Inside the Superdome, Piper transformed into a feral sports dad. She screamed at the refs. She tried to steal a foam finger. She attempted to run onto the field yelling, “Put Me In Coach, I’m Fast!” And she got into a hissing and spitting match with the big St. Bernard Mascot named Gumbo. The dog was not real. During halftime, she climbed onto my shoulders and announced she was “emotionally quarterbacking the team.” After the game, she tried to fight a vending machine because it “looked smug.”

While I was wrangling Piper, Coco disappeared. I found her at the Cat’s Meow Bar on Bourbon Street. She was standing on stage. Singing karaoke with the confidence of Beyoncé. And the pitch accuracy of a malfunctioning smoke alarm. Her song choice? “When the Saints Go Marching In” But remixed with meows. The crowd went feral. People threw dollar bills. A man cried. Coco bowed like she had just won a Grammy.

Tinkerbell wandered into Jackson Square and somehow ended up in a tarot reading circle. The psychic looked at her and whispered, “Oh, you’re one of those spirits.” Tink sat perfectly still while the psychic pulled a card. The Tower. Of course. Tinkerbell nodded like she already knew. Then she stole the crystal ball and walked away.

At one point, Piper, overwhelmed by her own impulsiveness, borrowed my phone and called our therapist before I could stop her.

Piper: “Hello. It’s me. I need coping skills.” 

Therapist: “Piper? I can’t hear you. Are you inside a tuba?” 

Piper: “No. But I could be.” 

Therapist: “Please step away from the brass section.” 

Piper: “I can’t. They’re playing my song.”

Then a sousaphone blasted directly into the phone speaker and the therapist hung up.

By the time we finally staggered back to the car, we looked like the unofficial mascots of Mardi Gras, Jazz Fest, and a mild natural disaster. Mardi Gras didn’t just chew us up and spit us out. It rolled us in powdered sugar. Dipped us in glitter. Seasoned us with sweat, beads, questionable stains, emotional damage, and attached at least one crawfish who refused to let go of Piper’s tail like it had signed a legally binding lease.

Piper strutted like she had just won the Heisman Trophy. Even though she had been escorted out of the stadium by a security guard who whispered, “Ma’am, your cat cannot coach the team.” Piper told him, “I can and I will!!” Then she tried to steal his walkie‑talkie like she was planning a coup.

Coco was still wearing her Cat’s Meow karaoke crown which she did not win. She simply took it. And she kept breaking into spontaneous song every time someone breathed too loudly. She sang the entire walk back. Including a dramatic, emotionally unstable rendition of “When the Saints Go Marching In.” That made a tourist drop his gumbo and reevaluate his life choices.

Tinkerbell was holding the stolen crystal ball like a newborn child and whispering, “I have seen things.” She refused to elaborate. She refused to blink. She refused to walk faster than one mile per hour. She moved with the solemn dignity of a Victorian ghost haunting a riverboat casino.

And me? I was just trying to survive. I was sweating. Limping. Emotionally dehydrated. Spiritually exhausted. And physically sticky. I smelled like a combination of beignets, brass instruments, and regret. Which is the official fragrance of New Orleans.

We reached the car, and I swear the ancestors themselves sighed in relief. I could feel them hovering like, “We didn’t mean for it to go this far.” I opened the door. The cats piled in. The  crawfish finally released Piper’s tail and saluted us like a tiny crustacean veteran. Coco harmonized with the car alarm. Tinkerbell placed her crystal ball gently in the cup holder like it was a sacred relic that needed to be protected from the government.

I sat down. Stared straight ahead and whispered, “Never again.” Piper leaned forward from the back seat and said, “Next week. Pelicans game?” I didn’t respond. I didn’t blink. I didn’t breathe. I simply turned the ignition. Rolled down the window. And let out the most exhausted. Spiritually defeated. Emotionally cracked whisper of my life when I said, “Who Dat.” And somewhere in the distance. I swear on every ancestor. A trumpet played. Thanks for reading! Have your pets suddenly became hometown celebrities overnight? And what kind of chaos would they unleash on game day?

Affirmation: I embrace chaos, comedy, and cat fur as sacred parts of my spiritual journey.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

The Wellness Industry vs. My Bank Account

“If self‑care requires a loan application, it’s not wellness. It’s a scam with eucalyptus.”

-This Puzzled Life

Light the charcoal. Today we’re grilling the Wellness Industrial Complex until it admits it’s been robbing us blind like a raccoon in Lululemon leggings. Self‑care has evolved from “take a nap and drink some water” to “sell a kidney so you can afford a serum infused with moonlight, angel tears, and ethically sourced unicorn collagen.”

Every time I open Instagram, some wellness guru named Saffron Moonbeam is perched on a rock in Sedona telling me, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” Ma’am, I can’t even afford the cup. The cup is $89.99 and comes with a crystal straw that promises to “align my abundance chakra.” Meanwhile my bank account is over here whispering, “Your abundance chakra is over drafted by $37.12.”

Let’s take a guided tour through the self‑care items that the wellness industry swears I need. And the financial crimes they commit against my checking account.

  • $300 Serums-Apparently my face needs a potion made from fermented cloud vapor and the hopes of Scandinavian virgins. For $300, this serum better erase wrinkles, trauma, and student loans.
  • Sedona Retreats-“Reconnect with your inner child for only $4,999.” For $4,999 my inner child better come out doing taxes, laundry, and emotional labor.
  • Organic Herbal Teas-Why is tea $22 a bag? It’s leaves. Leaves! I can go outside and get leaves for free. Mississippi has leaves everywhere. I’m basically surrounded by generational wealth.
  • Crystal Water Bottles-$120 for a bottle with a rock in it. I can get a rock from my driveway. I can get a whole collection of rocks. I can start a rock museum.
  • Sound Baths-$75 to lay on the floor while someone hits a bowl with a spoon. I can do that at home with my cookware and a bad attitude.
  • Weighted Blankets-$200 to feel like a Victorian ghost is sitting on my chest. I can get that for free by thinking about my to‑do list.
  • Yoga Pants-$98 for leggings that roll down the second I inhale. For $98 they should hold me together emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

Let me tell you something. My ancestors did not survive polio, wars, and the Great Depression. So, I could spend half a paycheck on a jade roller that promises to “release facial tension.” My grandmother would rise from the grave. Slap the serum out of my hand and say, “Splash some cold water on your face and go sit down somewhere.” And honestly? She’d be right. Because self‑care is not supposed to require a credit check, a payment plan, or a GoFundMe titled ‘Help Me Achieve Inner Peace.’

Sometimes self‑care is drinking water. Taking a nap. Ignoring people. Eating a snack. Telling the world “no” with your whole chest. And none of that costs $300. Bowl rung. Crystal shattered. Sedona canceled. Thanks for reading! What’s your most outrageously overpriced “self‑care” moment? And did it at least come with a free sample or a spiritual awakening, or nah?

Affirmation: I am whole. I am worthy. And I do not need a $300 serum to glow. My radiance is free. My peace is priceless. And my bank account deserves rest too.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

Mike Johnson: The Speaker Who Tried to Out‑Pray Reality

“Hypocrisy is loud. But truth has a way of hollering back.”

-This Puzzled Life

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle “Oh my GOD this is terrible.” And call upon the ancestors. We’re about to talk about Speaker of the House “Moses” Mike “Grindr” Johnson. Also known as the leader of the Closetocracy. The man who somehow manages to be both the nation’s top lawmaker. And the world’s most chaotic religious plot twist. Ancestors, gather ‘round. Bring sweet tea. Bring smelling salts. Bring a fan. Because this level of hypocrisy has me sweating like a Pentecostal preacher caught in a drag brunch.

The political and religious hypocrisy in this country has gotten so loud it’s rattling the picture frames in my hallway. Somebody grab the emergency sweet tea. We’re going to talk about the kind of political behavior that makes the ancestors collectively sigh.

This is about The Speaker of the House and the Biblical‑themed, reality‑TV‑level chaos that has unfolded since he picked up that gavel. And yes, we’re using real facts. And yes we’re adding Southern sarcasm so thick you could spread it on a biscuit.

10 FACTUAL THINGS MIKE JOHNSON HAS DONE, WITH SOURCES, AND A WHOLE LOT OF SOUTHERN SARCASM

1. Said God put him in the Speaker’s chair.

He told reporters his rise to power was part of “God’s plan.” Source: NBC News https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/mike-johnson-says-god-put-speaker-s-chair-rcna122001 (nbcnews.com in Bing)

Southern translation: The man said God promoted him like it was a divine LinkedIn notification.

2. Compared his leadership role to Moses.

He invoked biblical figures to explain his political mission. Source: Washington Post https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2023/11/01/mike-johnson-religion/ (washingtonpost.com in Bing)

Southern translation: Sir, Moses parted the Red Sea. You can’t even part your caucus.

3. Co‑authored a legal brief defending Louisiana’s same‑sex marriage ban.

He argued same‑sex marriage would harm society. Source: AP News https://apnews.com/article/mike-johnson-louisiana-same-sex-marriage-brief-8e3f6a6e7c7f4c0b9a8f2e8e3e4a2b6b(apnews.com in Bing)

Southern translation: He said marriage equality was dangerous. While ignoring the actual dangers like Congress itself.

4. Supported criminalizing same‑sex relationships earlier in his career.

He wrote op‑eds defending laws against “homosexual conduct.” Source: CNN https://www.cnn.com/2023/10/26/politics/mike-johnson-anti-lgbtq-writings/index.html (cnn.com in Bing)

Southern translation: He tried to legislate love like it was a zoning violation.

5. Promoted “covenant marriage” to make divorce harder.

He pushed stricter marriage laws requiring counseling. Source: Politico https://www.politico.com/news/2023/10/27/mike-johnson-covenant-marriage-00124239(politico.com in Bing)

Southern translation: He said marriage should be harder to leave. Meanwhile half the country is trying to leave the group chat.

6. Opposes abortion in all cases, including rape and incest.

His stance is among the most restrictive in Congress. Source: NPR https://www.npr.org/2023/10/26/1210099674/mike-johnson-abortion-views(npr.org in Bing)

Southern translation: He wants fewer choices than a Waffle House menu at 3 a.m.

7. Played a key role in efforts to overturn the 2020 election.

He led House Republicans in supporting a lawsuit to invalidate votes. Source: New York Times https://www.nytimes.com/2023/10/25/us/politics/mike-johnson-election.html (nytimes.com in Bing)

Southern translation: He tried to return democracy like it was an Amazon package.

8. Voted against disaster relief funding for his own state.

He opposed bipartisan hurricane aid. Source: The Advocate https://www.theadvocate.com/baton_rouge/news/politics/mike-johnson-hurricane-relief-vote/article_3b6f8a7e-5c9a-11ee-8a7a-6f2e0f4c2a0b.html(theadvocate.com in Bing)

Southern translation: Louisiana said “help,” and he said “thoughts and prayers only.”

9. Advocated for monitoring pornography as a “moral threat.”

He pushed anti‑porn activism and surveillance. Source: Rolling Stone https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/mike-johnson-anti-porn-activism-1234854567/ (rollingstone.com in Bing)

Southern translation: He wants to track your browser history like it’s a Fitbit.

10. Called climate change a hoax.

He dismissed climate science and opposed environmental regulations. Source: The Guardianhttps://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/oct/26/mike-johnson-climate-change-hoax (theguardian.com in Bing)

Southern translation: Sir, the Gulf of Mexico is boiling like crawfish water. This is not the time.

Light the charcoal again. Because this whole situation needs a spiritual cleansing, a sage bundle, and maybe a priest. The Speaker’s record is a masterclass in political contradiction:

  • Biblical metaphors for leadership.
  • Restrictive policies for families.
  • Attempts to overturn elections.
  • Climate denial while the South melts like a candle.
  • LGBTQIA+ scapegoating while preaching “love thy neighbor.”

It’s the kind of hypocrisy that makes Southern liberals clutch their pearls and say, “Lord, take the wheel, the whole car, and the insurance policy.” The ancestors are tired. The sweet tea is gone. And I’m officially closed for renovations due to excessive foolishness. Thanks for reading! And get out and vote.“So what do you think? Is reality being dramatic? Or is Mike “Grindr” Johnson just trying to pray the plot twist away?”

Affirmation: I stand firm in my truth, my identity, and my joy. No matter who tries to rewrite the narrative.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

The Kennedy Who Should’ve Been Left at the Gas Station

“When the fools get loud, the wise get louder.”

-This Puzzled Life

Light the charcoal. Invoke the ancestors. Today, we are not just telling a story. We are opening a spiritual case file. Flipping through the receipts. And calling on every grandmother who ever whispered, “Lord, give me strength,” while stirring a pot of beans on low heat.

Pull up a chair. Settle your spirit. And let the smoke rise like a prayer. The absolute mess we’re about to discuss requires divine intervention. Celestial supervision. And at least three ancestors who died with their arms crossed and their eyebrows raised.

The charcoal is crackling. The veil is thin. And the ancestors are already leaning in like, “Child, what did he do now?”

In this satirical universe where chaos reigns. And common sense is on sabbatical. Government officials behave like they were raised by feral raccoons. We must call upon the old ones. Because only the ancestors can help us process the level of unhinged, backwoods, science‑dodging, roadkill‑collecting foolishness we’re about to unpack. So, gather ‘round. Let the smoke carry our disbelief to the heavens. The ancestors are already clutching their pearls. Let’s begin.

A Fully Unhinged Exposé Of Robert Kennedy, Jr.

  1. He collects roadkill like a buzzard with a coupon book. And raccoon peeners? Top of the list. He calls them “nature’s USB drives.” No one knows why.
  2. He claims a brain worm once ate part of his brain. The worm died of starvation. Scientists are still apologizing to the worm’s family.
  3. He once found a dead bear cub. Tossed it in his SUV. And staged it in Central Park as a bicycle accident. What in the Caucasian hell was the artistic vision here? “Bear on Wheels: A Tragedy?”
  4. He chainsawed the head off a whale and strapped it to the family minivan. With his family inside. Nothing says “summer vacation” like whale decapitation.
  5. He spreads anti‑vaccine propaganda like it’s essential oils for the soul. Meanwhile, measles is back like a 90s boy band reunion tour.
  6. He claims Tylenol and vaccines cause autism.Genetics: “Hi, yes, hello, it’s literally me.”
  7. He blames chemicals and antidepressants for school shootings instead of guns or germs.This is the kind of logic you get when your brain worm files for unemployment.
  8. He gutted the CDC and FDA like a catfish at a Baptist fish fry. mRNA development? Gone. Science? On lunch break.
  9. “Zombie Programs” remain funded but inactive. Alzheimer’s tracking, epilepsy data, smoking research all ghosted like a bad Tinder date.
  10. Milk testing programs paused. Because who needs safe milk? Just roll the dice, America.
  11. Foodborne disease surveillance cut from eight pathogens to two. Cyclospora, the explosive diarrhea parasite, now running free like it’s on spring break.
  12. Salmonella linked to eggs, jalapeños, salsa, guacamole. Basically, anything that makes life worth living.
  13. E. coli linked to frozen blueberries. Even your smoothie is trying to kill you.
  14. Listeria linked to soft cheeses. Brie has become a weapon of mass destruction.
  15. Emerging diseases everywhere. Measles, SARS, MERS, HIV, Lyme, Hantavirus, Dengue, West Nile, Malaria, TB, Ebola, Cholera, Pertussis, Influenza, Pneumococcal, Gonorrhea, and Zika. It’s like Pokémon but the “gotta catch ’em all” is involuntary.
  16. WI-FI causes brain cancer. Oh Lord, not this one. If that were true, half the South would’ve ascended to glory the minute we plugged in the first Walmart router. My ancestors did not survive plagues, droughts, and cousins marrying cousins just for me to be taken out by the same signal that lets me watch cat videos at 2 a.m. And every teenager with an iPhone glued to their skull would be glowing like a microwave burrito. The ancestors are looking down like, “Child that’s not how any of this works.”
  17. He’s a former heroin addict. Nothing says “health leadership” like a résumé that reads like a cautionary tale.

And so, as we stand here in the Deep South. With humidity thick enough to baptize a biscuit. Mosquitoes big enough to file W‑2s. And diseases spreading faster than gossip at a Pentecostal baby shower. We must confront the catastrophic reality of this administration.

Robert Kennedy, Jr. has turned the Department of Health into a haunted Cracker Barrel gift shop. The CDC is now operating out of a storage unit behind a Dollar Tree. The FDA is holding meetings in a Waffle House booth between fights. And the nation’s food safety program is being run by a man who thinks Wi‑Fi is a brain‑melting death ray. And raccoon peeners are collectible scientific artifacts.

This man has staged bear cub bicycle accidents. Decapitated whales for “research.” And gutted disease surveillance so badly that even the pathogens are confused. Cyclospora is out here hosting explosive‑diarrhea raves in salad bowls. Salmonella is moonlighting in guacamole. Listeria is hiding in brie like it’s playing peek‑a‑boo with your intestines. E. coli is chilling in frozen blueberries like it’s on a wellness retreat.

Meanwhile, Robert Kennedy, Jr. is wandering the halls of government wrapped in tin foil. Muttering about brain worms, Wi‑Fi demons, and antidepressants causing school shootings. My ancestors have stopped pacing and started drinking. My cats have filed for emancipation. And somewhere in the distance, a raccoon is whispering, “I didn’t consent to any of this.”

America is being run by a cabinet of swamp goblins who think science is a rumor. And public health is a suggestion. We are one bad decision away from the CDC issuing guidelines like, “If your milk glows, don’t drink it.” “If your salad screams, throw it out.” “If your Wi‑Fi router starts chanting, unplug it and pray.”

This administration is not just incompetent. It’s aggressively committed to the art of being wrong. They are running the country like a cursed potluck where every dish gives you diarrhea. And every beverage is room‑temperature milk.

So here it is the final truth. The last nerve snapping. The mic dropping so hard it cracks the floor. Vote these clowns out before they kill us all. Not in a poetic sense. Not in a metaphorical sense. But in the very real sense that I would like to eat cheese, blueberries, and guacamole again without fearing explosive gastrointestinal fireworks. Charcoal still smoking. Ancestors packing their bags. Cats already gone. America deserves better than a man who thinks Wi‑Fi is a death beam. And raccoon anatomy is a hobby. Thank for reading! Get out and vote! “Which is more concerning? The raccoon situation? Or the fact that none of us are even surprised anymore?”

Affirmation: I release chaos that isn’t mine. Protect my peace. And refuse to fear Wi‑Fi because of swamp goblins.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

The Mental Health Bingo Card

“Even on my messiest days, I am still becoming someone I’m proud of.”

-This Puzzled Life

 Light the charcoal. Today we’re grilling up another episode of Southern‑chaotic mental health excellence. And this time we’re serving it on a Mental Health Bingo Card hotter than a Mississippi parking lot in July. And all because my brain apparently woke up this morning and said, “Let’s play a game.” Not a fun game like spades or Uno where you can cuss your family out and still get invited to Thanksgiving. But a full‑blown, unhinged round of “Let’s play Mental Health Bingo.” And I, being the responsible adult I pretend to be, just sighed and said, “Sure. Why not. I’ve survived worse. Like Mississippi humidity and group texts.” I printed my little bingo card. Took one look at it and immediately whispered, “Oh Lord. I’ve already got three in a row and it’s not even noon.”

Here are the 10 spaces on my Mental Health Bingo card this week. Each one earned with the grace of a raccoon in a Dollar General parking lot.

  • Cried in the car-Bonus points because it was in the Chick-fil-A drive-thru.
  • Forgot to eat-But remembered coffee, cannabis, chaos, and anxiety.
  • Overshared with a stranger-The cashier now knows my childhood wounds.
  • Started a new hobby at 3 a.m.-Crochet? Witchcraft? Who knows.
  • Reorganized the entire house-Instead of dealing with my emotions.
  • Googled symptoms-Diagnosed myself with 14 conditions and a personality I don’t have.
  • Had a fake argument in the shower-And won.
  • Stared at the wall for 27 minutes-Thinking about absolutely nothing and everything.
  • Said “I’m fine” while crying-A classic. A staple. A cultural artifact.
  • Therapy homework not done-But I did alphabetize my spices.

By 4 p.m., I had a full, glorious, diagonal BINGO like the emotionally unstable champion I am. So naturally, I strutted into therapy like I had just won the Olympics. I sat down. Crossed my legs like a Southern auntie about to spill tea, and said, “Ma’am I got BINGO.” And I slid that card across the table like it was a winning lottery ticket.

My therapist’s response? She looked at it. She looked at me. She looked back at it. Then she said, “Well I’m proud of you for tracking your patterns. I’m slightly concerned that you blacked out an entire row before breakfast. But I admire the commitment. This is the most enthusiastic self-reporting I’ve ever seen. Should I congratulate you? Or schedule an extra session?” Then she added, “Also, please stop oversharing with strangers. That woman at Walgreens did not need to know about your existential crisis over toothpaste.”

And as I left therapy, I swear I heard my ancestors whisper, “We survived plagues, wars, and the Great Depression. But this? This bingo card? This is new.” But listen. If healing is a journey, then I’m out here collecting stamps like a chaotic little passport official. And if Mental Health Bingo is wrong, I don’t want to be right. BINGO, baby.

And as I walked out of therapy clutching my laminated Mental Health Bingo card like it was the Declaration of Independence, something in me shifted. I felt accomplished. Victorious. Slightly unhinged. But in a cute way. Like a raccoon wearing lip gloss. Some people collect stamps. Some people collect crystals. Some people collect red flags like they’re Pokémon. But me? I collect emotional plot twists.

Every square on that bingo card was a tiny little badge of honor. Proof that I am out here doing the absolute most with the absolute least. I’m surviving on vibes, caffeine, cannabis, and the sheer audacity to keep showing up. And I’m proud of me. Not the Pinterest version of me. Not the “I have my life together” LinkedIn version of me. Not the “I only cry on weekends” version of me. No. I’m proud of the version of me who wakes up every day and chooses to keep going. Even when my brain is acting like a Walmart intercom system glitching during a thunderstorm.

I’m proud of the me who laughs through the chaos. Who heals crooked but heals anyway. Who turns breakdowns into blog posts. And therapy homework into performance art. So yeah, I got BINGO. And next week? I might get blackout. But that’s growth. Card stamped. Healing in progress. Thanks for reading! What square on your own mental health bingo card did you hit this week? And did you earn it with the chaotic flair of a true Southern champion?

Affirmation: I celebrate my progress. Honor my humanity. And allow joy to exist even in the chaos.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

If the South Got Hold of the DSM, This Is Exactly What It Would Look Like

“If you can’t fix it, fry it. If you can’t fry it, bless it.”

-This Puzzled Life

Light the charcoal. If we’re going to rewrite the DSM the way Southerners would actually diagnose each other, we need the grill hot. The humidity is thick enough to baptize you involuntarily. And at least one casserole is cooling on the counter like a therapy emotional support animal.

Picture this. A mental health clinic run entirely by Southern aunties. Not licensed. Not certified. But spiritually ordained by the power vested in them through gossip, Jesus, and generational spite. The waiting room smells like White Diamonds perfume and Velveeta. The intake forms ask questions like this.

  • “Do you cry in the Dollar General parking lot? Or the Walmart one?”
  • “Do you prefer your emotional breakdowns fried or baked?”
  • “Has an ancestor recently appeared to tell you to stop dating trash?”

Your ancestors gather in the corner like a spectral support group, whispering, “Baby, that ain’t depression. That’s just your spirit trying to clock out early because you keep ignoring the signs.” One ancestor fans herself dramatically. Another pulls out a folding chair like she’s about to watch a fight. A third one mutters, “Lord, give that child some boundaries.”

Welcome to the Bless‑Your‑Heart Mental Health Clinic. Where the diagnoses are seasoned. The advice is unsolicited. And the emotional support snacks are mandatory.

THE 10 SOUTHERN DSM DIAGNOSES THAT WILL NEVER PASS COMMITTEE (BUT SHOULD)

1. Bless‑Your‑Heart Burnout

A uniquely Southern exhaustion that occurs when you’ve been polite for too long. And your soul starts filing HR complaints.

Symptoms include: 

·     Smiling while dying inside.

  • Saying “it’s fine” in a tone that means “I’m about to set something on fire.”
  • Being the family’s emotional support possum since age seven.
  • Crying silently while making deviled eggs.

Treatment: A nap, a boundary, and a casserole you don’t have to share.

2. Sunday Scaries but Biblical

A spiritual condition where you fear Monday, the Rapture, and running into Sister Linda at Walmart all at once.

Symptoms include:

  • Feeling judged by Jesus and your mee-maw simultaneously.
  • Sudden urge to repent for things you didn’t even do.
  • Heart palpitations triggered by church group texts.

Treatment: A long bath, a longer nap, and ignoring your pastor’s Facebook posts.

3. Anxiety With a Side of Casserole

You’re spiraling. But you still show up with a Pyrex dish because manners.

Symptoms include:

  • Overthinking while preheating the oven.
  • Crying into shredded cheese.
  • Apologizing to inanimate objects.

Treatment: Therapy + carbs.

4. Generational Guilt Gumbo

A thick emotional stew seasoned with:

  • “Your great‑granddaddy didn’t fight in the war for you to nap.”
  • “We don’t talk about that side of the family.”
  • “Fix your face before it freezes like that.”

Treatment: Breaking cycles. Sage smoke. And ignoring Aunt Brenda.

5. Passive‑Aggressive Hospitality Disorder

You will offer sweet tea to your worst enemy and then talk about them for three hours after they leave.

Symptoms:

  • Weaponized politeness.
  • Compliments that feel like threats.
  • Hosting events you resent.

Treatment: Learning to say “no” without adding “but if you really need me.”

6. Sweet Tea–Induced Overconfidence

Symptoms include believing you can:

  • Fix a man.
  • Fix a carburetor.
  • Fix your life All incorrect.

Treatment: Hydration. Real hydration. With water.

7. Blessed & Stressed Syndrome

You’re grateful. You’re overwhelmed. You’re crying in the Dollar General parking lot.

Symptoms:

  • Saying “I’m blessed” while twitching.
  • Buying seasonal décor as a coping mechanism.
  • Emotional support Dr Pepper.

Treatment: A day off, a hug, and someone else handling dinner.

8. Porch Swing Existentialism

Staring into the distance like a Civil War widow while contemplating your purpose, your past, and whether you left the stove on.

Symptoms:

  • Sudden philosophical monologues.
  • Rocking chair-induced revelations.
  • Questioning everything except your love for biscuits.

Treatment: A breeze, a journal, and a break from people named Tammy.

9. Y’all Fatigue

A social exhaustion disorder caused by:

  • Too many group texts.
  • Too many church committees.
  • Too many people named Tammy.

 Symptoms include:

  • Avoiding calls.
  • Hiding in your car.
  • Whispering “I can’t do this today” into your steering wheel.

Treatment: Silence. Blessed, holy silence.

10. Ancestor Interference Episode

When your great‑great‑grandma’s ghost pops in to say, “Baby, that man is not your ministry.”

Symptoms:

  • Sudden chills.
  • Hearing “mmhmm” from the beyond.
  • Feeling judged by people who died before indoor plumbing.

Treatment: Listening. They’re never wrong.

Let me tell you something. If Southerners wrote the DSM, they wouldn’t just diagnose you. They’d claim you. Feed you. Pray over you. Roast you. And then send you home with leftovers and a warning. They’d hand you a casserole and a coping mechanism in the same breath. They’d tell you to hydrate. Set boundaries. And stop dating people who look like they smell like disappointment. Your therapist would be confused. Your pastor would be concerned. Your mee-maw would say, “Well, I always knew that child was touched.”

And your ancestors? Your ancestors would be standing in the corner like a spiritual hype squad. While fanning themselves with funeral‑home fans and whispering, “Tell it, baby. Tell it. They need this word.” Because they’ve watched you try to hold everything together with duct tape, sweet tea, and emotional suppression so thick it could be used as grout. They’ve watched you say, “I’m fine” in the same tone someone uses to lie on a witness stand. They’ve watched you carry generational trauma like it’s a monogrammed tote bag.

And they are tired. They want better for you. They want softer for you. They want you to stop letting people with the emotional intelligence of a wet paper plate have access to your spirit. So, here’s the real, Southern‑fried, spiritually seasoned truth. You deserve rest that doesn’t feel like guilt. You deserve joy that doesn’t feel like a chore. You deserve boundaries that don’t require a PowerPoint presentation. You deserve a life that doesn’t feel like a group project where you’re doing all the work. And if anyone tries to tell you otherwise? Your ancestors will rise up like a holy wind through the magnolia trees and whisper directly into your ear, “Baby, that ain’t your ministry. Put it down.”

So go on. Take your sweet tea. Take your casserole. Take your emotional support porch swing. Take your entire lineage of loud, opinionated, spiritually nosy ancestors and walk boldly into your peace like you’re entering a potluck with the best damn mac and cheese in the room. Because you are. And you do. And you will. Because if Southerners wrote the DSM, therapy would come with a potluck sign‑up sheet. Diagnoses would be delivered with a hug and a warning. And every session would end with, “Now go on, sugar. Hydrate and mind your business.” Your ancestors approve. Your therapist is concerned. And that’s balance. Thanks for reading! Which casserole‑powered coping strategy gets you through the week?

Affirmation: I am divinely guided. Ancestrally protected. And emotionally supported by casseroles.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

Apparently Everything Is Communism Now

“When misinformation rises, let your ancestors steady your spirit and your sass sharpen your truth.”

-This Puzzled Life

Light the charcoal. Let it crackle like your last nerve at Thanksgiving when Uncle Red-Hat started yelling about “Socialism Turning Us Into Communists!” Sprinkle the sage. Invoke the ancestors especially Big Mama, who survived segregation, three husbands, and that one church lady who kept stealing her potato salad recipe. Today, we are gather in the sacred, smoky glow of your living room m. To address the aggravation, frustration, and the spiritual constipation caused by folks who insist that socialism → democratic socialism → communism → gulags → the end of biscuits and freedom. The ancestors are already pacing. PawPaw whispered, “Lord give me strength.” And reached for his flask. And your great-aunt is clutching her pearls so hard they might turn into diamonds.

Let’s talk about the red-hat choir who believes any government program that doesn’t involve tax breaks for billionaires is “communism.” These are the same folks who cash Social Security checks. Use Medicare. Drive on publicly funded roads. Send their kids to public schools. And call the fire department when Earl deep-fries a turkey indoors. But the moment someone says, “Hey, maybe people shouldn’t die because they can’t afford insulin,” suddenly it’s, “Communism, Martha! Grab The Bible And The Bug-Out Bag!”

Pumpkin spice patriot, communism is not hiding behind your Kroger pharmacy waiting to jump out and seize your property. The ancestors are tired. Our spirit guides are tired. And even our pets are tired. It is emotionally exhausting watching people scream “Communism” at things that are literally not communism. It’s like watching someone confidently shout the wrong answers on Jeopardy. Or watching a toddler insist the moon is a cookie. Or watching your cat try to fight its own reflection. You want to help. You want to explain. But you also want to lay face-down on the floor and let the ancestors take you home.

Here’s the truth. Democratic socialism is not communism. Not historically. Not economically. Not ideologically. Not spiritually. Not even in the same group chat. Democratic socialism says, “Let’s keep democracy, elections, private businesses, and capitalism. But also make sure people don’t die because they can’t afford healthcare.” Communism says, “Let’s abolish private property. Centralize production. And run everything through the state.” These ideologies would not sit together at Thanksgiving. They wouldn’t even sit together at the DMV. Try telling that to someone who thinks “Karl Marx” is the name of a NASCAR driver.

11 Ways Socialism, Democratic Socialism, and Communism Are Not the Same Thing

1. Private property exists in socialism & democratic socialism. Not in communism. Your house? Yours. Your business? Yours. Your lawnmower? Still yours. Communism says, “The lawnmower belongs to the people.”

2. Democratic socialism requires elections. Communism does not. If you can vote for someone other than the ruling party, congratulations. That is not communism.

3. Socialism & democratic socialism use mixed economies. Communism uses central planning. One is capitalism with guardrails. The other is “the government decides how many shoes get made this year.”

4. Democratic socialism protects civil liberties. Communism historically restricts them. If you can complain about the government on Facebook without disappearing, that’s not communism.

5. Socialism & democratic socialism allow private businesses. Communism does not. Under socialism/democratic socialism, you can open a bakery. Under communism, the state owns the bakery, the flour, the ovens, and possibly the cats.

6. Democratic socialism focuses on social welfare. Communism focuses on class abolition. One says, “Let’s help people.” The other says, “Let’s restructure society from scratch.”

7. Socialism & democratic socialism keep markets. Communism eliminates them. If you can choose between Target and Walmart, you’re not in communism.

8. Democratic socialism works with capitalism. Communism replaces it. One is “Let’s fix the leaky roof.” The other is “Let’s burn the house down and rebuild it.”

9. Socialism & democratic socialism allow wealth differences. Communism seeks to eliminate them. Jeff Bezos still exists under socialism. Under communism, Jeff becomes “Citizen Jeff, warehouse worker.”

10. Democratic socialism preserves individual rights. Communism prioritizes collective control. One says, “You have rights.” The other says, “We’ll let you know what your rights are after the meeting.”

11. Socialism & democratic socialism operate within democratic frameworks. Communism does not. One keeps elections, courts, and civil liberties. The other historically centralizes power in the state.

So, the next time someone looks you dead in the eye usually while wearing a shirt with an eagle, a flag, and a Bible all photoshopped together and says, “Socialism leads to communism!” I want you to pause. Take a breath. Let the sage smoke swirl around your head like you’re summoning every ancestor who ever had to explain something obvious to someone determined to misunderstand it. Then smile. Not a regular smile. A Southern smile. The kind that says, “Bless your heart,” without ever using the words. And respond, gently but firmly by saying, “If socialism leads to communism, then your Social Security check is a gateway drug.”Watch their face do that little twitch. You know the one. The twitch that means their brain is trying to reboot like an old Dell computer from 1998.

Then continue. Because this is your moment. “If democratic socialism leads to communism, then your Medicare card is a communist passport. Your public school is a Marxist training camp. And the fire department that saved Earl’s house when he deep-fried that turkey indoors? That’s a taxpayer-funded socialist miracle.”

Let it sink in. Let the silence marinate like chicken in buttermilk. Because you are not arguing with facts. You are arguing with feelings dressed up as fear. Sprinkled with misinformation. Wrapped in Facebook memes. And deep-fried in cable news. 

And you have survived far worse. You have survived humidity so thick it feels like soup. You have survived hurricanes, power outages, and men who say, “I’ll fix it later.” You have survived PTA meetings, school fundraisers, and children who wait until 10 PM to tell you they need poster board for a project due tomorrow. You can survive this conversation.

So, walk away. Let the charcoal crackle behind you like applause. Let the ancestors cackle like they’re watching a soap opera. Let your spirit guides fan you with palm leaves and whisper, “You did good, baby.” Because trying to have a conversation with people who are willfully ignorant, are usually the very ones who ate boogers and glue during their childhood. And never outgrew those behaviors.

Because we, at This Puzzled Life, are armed with humor, truth, and the kind of ancestral backup that could move mountains. And when misinformation rises, you rise higher. Mic dropped. Mic shattered. Mic reincarnated as a wiser mic. Thanks for reading! What other political nonsense would you like for me to address?

Affirmation: I speak truth with humor, courage, and ancestral backup. I am unshaken. Unbothered. And fully hydrated.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

The Hairpiece Heard ’Round The World

“Some hair changes are a glow‑up. Others are a cry for help. This one is a cosmic event.”

-This Puzzled Life

Light the charcoal. Prepare your spirit for foolishness. Because today’s foolishness ain’t mild. It ain’t the “someone brought unsweet tea to the potluck” kind. It ain’t even the “Coco knocked over the laundry basket and blamed gravity” kind. No. Today’s foolishness arrived like a tornado wearing a wig from the clearance bin at Party City. While holding a Bible upside‑down, and shouting, “Y’all Ain’t Ready For My New Look!” Bingo sir. We were not ready for your follicular disaster.

I woke up. Stretched. Opened my phone. And was immediately spiritually assaulted by breaking news that read Donald Trump, “Mr. Patriot Puff” has unveiled a new hair situation. Not a hairstyle. Not a haircut. A situation. A situation with layers that are emotional, structural, architectural, and possibly supernatural.

The ancestors materialized behind me like they were reviewing a crime scene. One squinted like she was trying to read the fine print on a bottle of expired Tylenol that doesn’t cause Autism. One ancestor grabbed her apron and whispered, ‘Lord, give me strength,’ like she was about to fight the hair personally. One whispered, “That hair is fighting demons and losing.”

I tried to scroll away. The hair followed me like a ghost with unresolved business. I closed the app. The hair spiritually lingered like humidity in August. It was giving “I tried something new and the universe said absolutely not.” It was giving “I watched one YouTube tutorial and got overconfident.” It was giving “I asked for volume and the stylist gave me a personality crisis.” And that’s when I knew that this was bigger than me. This was bigger than Mississippi. This was a cosmic follicular event. And I was merely a witness.

Let me paint the picture. The old hairpiece, bless its heart, was barely hanging on. It had the energy of a Dollar General Halloween wig that had survived three Halloweens, one bonfire, and a custody battle. It was loyal. It was determined. It was held together by hope, hairspray, and possibly a small prayer circle.

This new hair arrived like a reboot nobody asked for. This new hair said, “I’m different now.” But in the way people say it after one therapy session and a green juice. This new hair had angles. This new hair had ambition. This new hair had the confidence of a man who thinks he can fix the economy with a YouTube motivational speech. It swooped. It curled. It defied gravity in ways that made me question the laws of physics.

I stared at it so long my coffee went cold. I stared at it so long my ancestors started filing paperwork. I stared at it so long Piper began pacing like she was preparing a closing argument. And then the red‑hat crowd chimed in. Lord help us.

They gathered online like it was a tent revival for questionable grooming choices. One shouted, “This isn’t just hair. This is patriotism.” Another declared, “The new hair is a symbol of freedom.” A third insisted, “The old hair was a deep state lie.” Someone posted a meme that said, “If the hair changes, the nation changes.” Another wrote, “This is the haircut of a man chosen by destiny and possibly a malfunctioning blow dryer.” And one woman livestreamed herself crying, saying, “I haven’t felt this emotional since Hobby Lobby put out the Easter décor early.”

They treated the hair like it was a national monument. They treated the hair like it was a prophecy. They treated the hair like it was the second coming of Aqua Net. And I sat there whispering, “Y’all it’s just hair. And it’s not even good hair.” And now the cats weigh in. God help us all.

Piper strutted into the room like she had been summoned by the spirit of bad decisions. She hopped onto the couch. Stared at the screen and whispered, “Momma is that hair trying to escape?” She tilted her head. She squinted. She sniffed the air like she could smell the trauma. “That hair has seen war,” she declared. “That hair has filed taxes late. That hair has fought with customer service.” Then she added, “It’s giving Velcro couture.”

Coco adjusted her imaginary glasses. And examined the photo like it was a Renaissance painting. “The old hairpiece had grit,” she said. “It had the spirit of a wig that refused to die. It had character. It had a backstory.” She tapped the screen. “This new hair? This is a reboot that went straight to streaming. This is the haircut equivalent of a midlife crisis motorcycle.” Then she whispered, “The color tone is fighting for its life.”

Tinkerbell peeked over the coffee table. Eyes wide like she’d just witnessed a crime. “Is he okay?” she asked softly. “Does he need help? Should we send a casserole?” She stared again. “Momma, I think the hair is haunted.”

Light the charcoal again. Because the ancestors have officially logged off. The cats are emotionally compromised. I’m emotionally compromised. The hair is emotionally compromised. And somewhere in the universe, a single bobby pin is screaming.

Donald Trump’s new hair has entered the cultural chat like a raccoon crashing a baby shower. It’s loud, confusing, and impossible to ignore. Piper knocked over a plant and declared, “Some things cannot be unseen. And this is one of them.” Coco is writing a dissertation titled “The Socio‑Political Implications of Unhinged Hair Decisions.” Tinkerbell is praying for the hair’s soul. And me? I’m sitting here. Staring at the screen and whispering to the ancestors, “Why would he do that?” Hair flopped. We move forward because we must. Thanks for reading!

Affirmation: I release what no longer serves me. Including questionable hair decisions.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

I’ve Had It Podcast: The Southern Sass Survival Guide for Blue Dots in Red States

“Sometimes the only thing keeping me from losing my already lost religion is two Oklahoma women yelling about petty grievances.”

-This Puzzled Life

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Invoke the ancestors. Preferably the messy ones. The ones who show up wearing house shoes. Clutching a gas‑station fountain drink. And whispering, “You’re gonna wanna sit down for this one.”

Because today, we gather in the sacred, humid, mosquito‑infested, spiritually charged arena to praise. Roast. And spiritually hydrate the chaotic holiness that is the I’ve Had It Podcast. The only place where two white liberal women from the red MAGA plains of Oklahoma have somehow built a sanctuary for every exhausted blue‑dot soul trying to survive in a country where people still proudly drink out of Stanley cups like it’s a personality trait. Let me set the table like MeeMaw used to that is loud. And with sweet tea strong enough to dissolve enamel.

Jennifer Welch and Angie “Pumps” Sullivan aren’t just podcasters. They are the patron saints of Petty Grievances. The matriarchs of Messy Liberation. And the spiritual mothers of every liberal woman trapped in a red state. While trying not to throat‑punch someone at the grocery store.

Jennifer, the sarcastically blunt atheist queen, speaks with the kind of clarity that only comes from years of saying, “No, actually, that is stupid” out loud. She’s the type of woman who could walk into a revival tent. Sneeze. And accidentally deconstruct someone’s entire theology. On a side note I’ll also say that she is an Olympic level Pickle Ball Champion like we’ve never seen before in the history of the world.

Then there’s Pumps. Lord help us all. Pumps is a recovering evangelical, the HBIC (Head Beaver In Charge), the teeny weenieologist, the MeeMaw Meat Curtains because she is much older than Jennifer. And apparently the patron saint of Asexuality in the Bible Belt. Her last sexual encounter was somewhere around 1,000 days ago. And Jennifer multiplies that number tenfold with each episode until the math starts giving Old Testament genealogy. We’re approaching, “And on the 40,000th day, Pumps rested.”

And presiding over this circus of holy chaos is Kiley. The beautiful lesbian gaytriot producer who keeps the entire operation from combusting. She’s the glue, the duct tape, the Queer Logistics Coordinator who ensures Jennifer and Pumps don’t accidentally start a small fire while recording. She produces the hilarious fuckery with the precision of a woman who knows exactly how chaotic these two can be.

As a white liberal sarcastic woman myself from the red MAGA state of Mississippi, these ladies have become my emotional support podcast. They take the isolation of wanting equal rights for everyone. While surrounded by neighbors who think democracy is optional. And turn it into a family. A loud, hilarious politically petty family that supports all marginalized groups and stands up for democracy. Despite the red hatred swirling around them.

And let me tell you. And their nicknames for politicians? Baby, they speak fluent Southern shade. People like Donald “Cankles McTaco Tits” Trump, Moses Mike Grindr Johnson, the late Lindsey “Lady” Graham, “Big Titty” Bryon Knoem, “Smokey-eyed sociopath” JD Vance, “Lyin’” Ted Cruz, Flamboyant Jesse “Lady” Waters with Fox News, Natalie “The Bunny Boiler” Harp, Markwayne “Booster Box” Mullin, and others. I heard that recently they both spoke with Mitch “Dead Not Dead” McConnell for twenty minutes from his life support rehabilitation unit. They roast public figures with the same energy my Aunt Linda uses when she says, “I’m not saying she’s trashy. But she does own a leopard‑print Bible cover.”

They expose the closetocracy, the folks who legislate against the very community they enjoy on weekends, with surgical precision and the comedic timing only two women who have truly had it can deliver. Are they crass? Yes. Do they speak my language? Absolutely. Do they have a low tolerance for stupidity? Honey, they have a negative tolerance.

And Pumps, sweet Pumps, if she would stop vaping like she’s trying to summon a Civil War ghost, Jennifer might finally unclench. And if she would please stop pooping in Styrofoam cups like she’s conducting a science fair project, the online audience would stop peeing on ourselves from laughing. Get it together, Pumps. At least the saggin’ dragons are secured.

These women have been my morning oxygen for over a year. They are my people that are  hilarious. And, at times, inappropriate. Unfiltered. Compassionate. And petty in all the right places. If you’re a prude. Easily offended. Or still clinging to conservative Christianity where some Christians use scripture as a mascot for cruelty, this is not your ministry.

But if you’re like me a blue dot in a red state. A queer person whose family can’t quite figure out acceptance. Or someone who needs laughter more than judgment. These ladies feel like home. They are the family I needed. The humor I craved. And the reminder that democracy is worth fighting for even when surrounded by folks who think Jesus rode a dinosaur. And if island living as a blue dot in a red state is what it takes, then baby, I’ll take my new family without question.

So let me say this with the full force of my ancestors, my sass, my trauma, my cats, and my last functioning nerve. The I’ve Had It Podcast isn’t just entertainment. It’s survival. It’s community. It’s the comedic resistance movement for every marginalized person living in a state where Hobby Lobby aisles are filled with people who think equality is a threat to their throw pillows.

Jennifer, Pumps, and Kiley have built a refuge for the tired, the queer, the liberal, the fed‑up, the chronically sarcastic, and the spiritually dehydrated. They’ve given us permission to laugh at the absurdity of our political landscape. To call out hypocrisy with humor. And to find joy in the middle of a country that feels like it’s being run by people who failed eighth‑grade civics. And who ate boogers and glue but never outgrew those behaviors.

I will be a loyal gaytriot as long as these ladies are around. I will follow them into the trenches of democracy, petty grievances, and Pumps’ colon‑control journey. I will take this island living. This blue dot existence. And choose my new family without hesitation.

Thank you, ladies, for your humor, your compassion, and your unapologetic refusal to tolerate bullshit in this tumultuous time. You are the laughter that keeps us fighting. CACAW!!!! Mic dropped. Floor cracked. Humidity rising. Ancestors hollering, “That’s Right, Baby!” Thanks for reading! Please tune in every day to the I’ve Had It podcast for political news with lots of humor.

Affirmation: I honor my truth, humor, identity, and my chosen family. I choose joy. I choose community. And I choose to laugh loudly. Even in the places that try to silence me.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife