humor blog

darnold1975

Coping Skills I Learned on Social Media

“Healing is messy, hilarious, and inconvenient. And sometimes smells like essential oils.”

-This Puzzled Life

 Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Because today we are diving into the chaotic swamp of Coping Skills I Learned on Social Media. And according to the internet, all my trauma can be cured with a mason jar, a deep breath, and a girl named Moonbeam who lives in a van and sells chakra stickers on Etsy. Now with a special guest appearance from my therapist. She has thoughts, feelings, and possibly a migraine because of me.

I used to think coping skills were things you learned in therapy from trained professionals with degrees and clipboards. But no. Social media said, “Move over, licensed clinicians. We’ve got influencers with ring lights.” Suddenly my For You Page became a spiritual Walgreens. One swipe: grounding techniques. Next swipe: breathwork tutorials. Next swipe: “Put lavender oil on your forehead and tell your inner child she’s a baddie.” And listen. I tried them all. Because I’m nothing if not committed to healing. And also easily influenced by people who speak in soft voices and have plants.

1. Grounding Techniques (aka: Sensory Hide & Seek)

Social media told me to ground myself by naming five things I can see. So, there I was. Mid-anxiety spiral whispering, “A lamp. A cat. Another cat. A third cat A pile of laundry judging me. Did it help? Honestly yes. Because halfway through, Piper knocked over a cup. Coco screamed like a banshee. And Tinkerbell tried to eat the sage. Suddenly my anxiety had competition.

2. Breathwork (aka: Hyperventilating, but make it mindful)

Every influencer says the same thing, “Just breathe.” Ma’am I’ve been breathing. That’s the one thing I’ve consistently done since birth. But I tried the 4-6 method. Inhale for 4. Exhale for 6. Repeat until calm or until you pass out. And wake up spiritually refreshed.

At one point I inhaled so dramatically I sounded like a Victorian woman about to faint on a chaise lounge. Piper walked in and asked, “Are you okay or are you summoning something?” Honestly, both.

3. Lavender Oil Girl

There’s always one girl. She’s on every platform. She has perfect skin. A soft voice. And a house that looks like a Pinterest board. She says things like, “Lavender oil cured my generational trauma.” Ma’am my generational trauma is from the south. It has roots. It has acreage. It has a porch. Lavender oil is not strong enough. But I dabbed it on my wrists anyway because I’m weak and easily influenced. Did it cure my trauma? No. Did it make me smell like a Whole Foods aisle? Absolutely.

 4. The Cold-Water Trick

“Put your face in ice water to reset your nervous system.” I tried it. I dunked my whole face in a bowl like a Labrador retrieving a tennis ball. Did it help? Yes. Because for 30 seconds, I forgot every problem I’ve ever had.

5. My Therapist’s Opinion (aka: The Professional Sigh Heard ‘Round the World)

Now let’s talk about my therapist. She’s a woman with the patience of Job. The stamina of a kindergarten teacher. And the facial expressions of someone silently asking God for strength. When I told her I’d been practicing coping skills I learned on social media, she blinked three times. Which is the clinical equivalent of buffering and said, “Okay, let’s unpack that.” Which is therapist code for, “Lord, give me the strength not to laugh. Cry. Or quit my job.”

I explained the grounding, the breathwork, the lavender oil, the ice-water face dunking, and the inner-child pep talks. She nodded slowly like someone watching a toddler proudly show them a macaroni necklace. Then she said, “I’m glad you’re trying things. But maybe let’s add some skills that don’t involve drowning yourself in a mixing bowl.” Honestly? Fair.

So, what have I learned from social media coping skills? That healing is a buffet. Take what works. Leave what doesn’t. Laugh at the rest. Grounding helps. Breathwork helps. Lavender oil smells nice. And that girl on TikTok who cured her generational trauma? Good for her. My ancestors said I need something stronger. Like therapy, boundaries, hydration, and maybe a nap that lasts from now until next Tuesday.

But the truth is. If it brings you peace, even for a moment, it counts. Healing doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be yours. Mic drop. Lavender-scented, but still a mic drop. Thanks for reading! I hope you had a good laugh. Have you noticed any other random social media coping skills?

Affirmation: I am grounding. Breathing. Healing. And laughing my way 
through the chaos one lavender-scented coping skill at a time.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

My Inner Child Isn’t Healed. She is Fermented.

“My inner child isn’t healed. She’s fermented. Armed. And ready to defend the peace I never had.”

-This Puzzled Life

 Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Warn the neighbors. Tell the ancestors to buckle up and grab the holy water. My inner teenage child is not healed. She is fermented. Rebellious. Allergic to unbalanced rules in a way that should probably be studied by scientists. Or at least documented for future generations.

 She’s not pickled. Not preserved. Not gently marinated in therapeutic insight. Fermented. Like Appalachian moonshine brewed in a bathtub behind a Dollar General. She’s the kind of inner child who, if you say, “Don’t touch that,” will absolutely touch it while maintaining unbroken eye contact just to prove a point. She is the spiritual embodiment of a teenager who got grounded and said “Bet.” And then climbed out the window with eyeliner too dark and a plan too bold.

 And from that bubbling vat of defiance, spite, and ancestral side‑eye rose her. My main protector. Equal parts guardian angel. Petty deity. Rabid raccoon. And one who keeps a sword in her purse “just in case the Lord sends a sign.” A back‑alley swordfighter with a vendetta. And a loyalty so fierce it could bend metal.

 Today we’re talking about the one who meets a perceived threat with a blade in one hand and a laugh full of venom. Sometimes she has the personality of a pit viper. Sometimes she has the comedy that makes you dribble pee. And always, she has the full support of three generations of ancestors already rolling up their sleeves.

 My inner child didn’t heal into a soft, glowing cherub. She fermented with headphones too loud. And a moral compass that points directly toward, “I said what I said.” She is allergic to hypocrisy. She breaks unbalanced rules on sight. She will defy you simply because you thought you had authority. And she’ll do it with a smirk.

 That fermented teen spirit is the raw material my protector was forged from. The one who shows up like, “If you try to control us, I will absolutely climb out the window and join a biker gang.” She is loyal. She is vicious in the name of safety. She is the first to meet a threat with a sword in her hand. And a laugh that sounds like a demon gargling sweet tea. And she is me. 

 She bubbled. She brewed. She aged like ancestral sauerkraut left too close to the summer sun. And from that fermentation rose her again. She who steps forward like, “Oh, you thought you were gonna hurt us? I’ve been waiting for enrichment.” Loyal. Hilarious. Headstrong in a way that makes therapists sigh. And ancestors clutch stress balls. She is the spiritual equivalent of a possum with a PhD in boundary enforcement.

She is absolutely the one you want on your side. Because if you’re on the other side, she will meet you at dawn with a laugh that sounds like a snake hissing through a megaphone. She is just the version of me who survived childhood by turning into a mythological creature with emotional brass knuckles.

 Let me introduce her properly. She will replicate whatever energy you lead with. You want respect? Lead with respect and accountability. You want chaos? You’re cooked. That’s her specialty. And she won’t hesitate to use it in whatever situation presents itself. She’s the part who wakes up before the sun. Stretches her shoulders and says, “If anybody tries us today, I’m ready to ruin their lineage.” She could be violent. But that’s not her first choice. She’s efficient. She can escalate. But she also finishes. And she declares war with a smile. 

 Examples of Her Energy

  • Example One — Someone raises their voice at me. She appears like a Pokémon evolution and says, “We can use our words. Or we can use our ancestors. Choose wisely.”
  • Example Two — Someone tries emotional manipulation. She pulls out a sword she absolutely did not have a moment ago and whispers, “I’ve been waiting for this side quest.”
  • Example Three — Someone disrespects my boundaries. She summons the ghost of Big Mama. Who materializes holding a wooden spoon and a tax bill from 1974.

 Her Loyalty Is Biblical to those where the connection is solid and not wavering. She defends me and the underdogs of society with the intensity of a Southern grandmother guarding her potato salad recipe. She stands in front of me like, “If you want her, you gotta go through me, the ancestors, and three generations of unresolved trauma.” And honestly? That’s love. That means sometimes I’m just trying to buy cat litter at Walmart and she’s like, “Why is that man looking at us? Should I brandish the sword?” And I respond with, “No. He’s comparing prices. Put the sword back.”

 My ancestors watch all this from the spiritual balcony like they’re at a family reunion talent show. Some cheer. Some pray. Some sip sweet tea and say, “Well at least she’s not boring.” And one ancestor, my sassy nannie, always yells, “Let her cook!” That’s the one my protector listens to.

 Healing is beautiful. Growth is powerful. But sometimes the inner child doesn’t heal into a soft, glowing fairy of emotional regulation. Sometimes she ferments into a battle‑ready guardian with a weapon in one hand and generational trauma in the other. Sometimes she becomes the protector who says, “We are not repeating cycles. We are breaking them with flair.” Sometimes she becomes the part who will square up with a shadow, a memory, a stranger, or a poorly worded email. And sometimes she becomes the reason my therapist has to pause. Take off her glasses and says, “I’m gonna need a minute.”

So, here’s to her. To the protector. To the fermented inner child. To the sword‑wielding. Ancestor‑backed. Chaos‑certified guardian who keeps me alive. Safe. And laughing.

And if anyone ever tries to hurt me again? She will rise from the depths like a spiritual tax audit and saying, “You picked the wrong system today.” Thanks for reading! And Praise Be To Teenage Protectors!

Affirmation: I honor the parts of me that survived. I honor the protector who rose from the chaos. I am safe. I am whole. And my fermented inner child is a force of nature.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

Budtender Moment: The Supp Cannabis Suppositories Review

“Sometimes wellness asks you to step outside your comfort zone. Sometimes it asks you to bend.”

-This Puzzled Life

Light the charcoal. Because if I’m going to write a consumer review of cannabis suppositories, I need ambiance, courage, and at least one distraction so my brain doesn’t fully process what I willingly signed up for. And this is where your humble, curious, occasionally too-brave-for-my-own-good reviewer try products, so you don’t have to. Or so you can, but with emotional support.

Let me begin by saying that I did this for science. For wellness. For the blog. For the ancestors who whisper, “Baby, why?” every time I try something new. I purchased cannabis suppositories because I’d heard they were great for pain relief, menstrual discomfort, pelvic tension, and deep-body relaxation. And listen, Mississippi humidity already has me fighting for my life. So, I figured why not add one more adventure to the list.

The experience from this product goes like this:

  • Onset: Shockingly fast. Faster than edibles. Faster than me running when someone says, “We need volunteers.”
  • Effect: A warm, full-body calm. Like sinking into a heated massage chair that also whispers affirmations.
  • Discomfort: Minimal. The concept is the part that makes you stare at the wall for a moment and reconsider your choices.
  • Medical Usefulness: Legit. If you deal with cramps, pelvic pain, inflammation, or post-op discomfort, this is a serious option.
  • Recreational Usefulness: Only if you’re adventurous or trying to win a dare at a very strange cookout.

Unexpected side effects include a sudden desire to reorganize your life. A new respect for gravity. The realization that cannabis has officially entered every possible category of wellness. And the urge to text someone, “You will not believe what I just did.”

Let’s talk about anything else for a moment. Like how the Deep South humidity is currently thick enough to qualify as a personality trait. Or how the packaging for suppositories always looks suspiciously calm. Like it knows something you don’t. Or how the instructions are written in the gentlest tone possible. As if the manufacturer is patting your shoulder saying, “You’re doing amazing, sweetie.” Or how I lit charcoal at the beginning of this review like I was preparing for a ritual, because honestly? It felt appropriate.

This product includes:

  • THC 10 mg
  • Intended medical uses (cramps, pelvic pain, inflammation, post-op relief): This will work with any condition. And they are great for people who have a difficult time swallowing. You can still get the relief and not have to eat an edible. I use this for severe chronic spine pain due to pinched nerves and degenerative disc disease.
  • Effects seem to last for a few hours. I never got high. However, some have said that they do get a buzz. I just go relief which was the goal
  • Dosage is one suppository
  • Melt speed (important!) is incredibly fast.
  • Storage instructions (usually refrigeration): I keep mine in the freezer.
  • Any warnings or medical considerations: if there is anything you are concerned about or need clarification, ask your budtender or doctor.

Thanks for reading! And just to let you know, this adventure was worth the relief. Have you tried this product? And how well did it work for you?

Affirmation: I honor my healing, curiosity, and my ability to laugh through the awkward parts.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

A Prayer So Wild Even the Angels Clocked Out Early

“Some prayers lift the spirit. Others just lift the eyebrows.”

-This Puzzled Life

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Hide your children, your casseroles, and your common sense. Because what I witnessed at that unfortunate local Mississippi event wasn’t a prayer. It was a theological Nascar crash. And every angel in heaven refused to file the insurance claim.

Picture it. A field full of red hats bobbing like a colony of patriotic mushrooms. The air thick with humidity, Axe body spray, and generational resentment. A folding table sagging under the weight of mayonnaise‑based salads. And a speaker system held together with duct tape and denial.

Then he stepped forward. The Chosen One of the Red‑Hat Prayer Circle. A man built like a refrigerator with opinions. A man whose shirt had more eagles than the actual sky. A man who looked like he’d been baptized in Monster Energy. He grabbed the microphone like he was about to drop a mixtape called “Gospel of the Grievance.” 

He clears his throat like he’s about to summon the Holy Ghost, the founding fathers, and the HOA board all at once. And then. Lord help us. He opened his mouth.

What came out was not a prayer. It was not a blessing. It was not even a coherent sentence structure. It was a spiritual Yelp review written by a man who thinks the Holy Trinity is God, Country, and Bathroom Legislation. Then he begins The Prayer. The one that made the angels file HR complaints.

“Heavenly Father. We come before you today under this blessed Mississippi sun. Which you made hotter every year to punish the radical left for their wickedness.

Lord, we know that every single problem in this world can be traced back to them. The hurricanes? The liberals. The price of eggs? The liberals. My gout flaring up last Tuesday? Father God, that was the liberals too.

And Lord, we thank you that our sins don’t count. Because we carry the “Jesus Warranty.” We swipe it like a rewards card. We sin. We repent. We sin again. And you just keep stamping that little heavenly punch card. But the liberals, Lord? Unforgivable. They are the real ones on the predatory registry. Not all the republicans. But that’s none of my business, Father.

Lord, we thank You that here in Mississippi, we stay focused on the things that matter most like genitals, bathrooms, and our loyal governor who kneels so faithfully before the Orange Messiah. He bends the knee so hard, Lord, he’s got calluses shaped like patriotism.

Father, we lift up the windmills to you. Those demonic pinwheels of destruction. They’re out there slaughtering birds. Driving whales insane. And screaming so loud they give people cancer. Lord, we know the whales are acting up because they can’t handle the noise. They’re liberals at heart, Father. Sensitive. Emotional. Always protesting something.

And Lord, we rebuke the immigrants who are coming here to eat our dogs and cats. We know this because someone’s cousin’s neighbor’s Facebook post said so. And that’s good enough for us.

Father, protect us from the left trying to make everyone gay and transgender. They’re out here handing out pronouns like coupons. Even though they say that pronouns are in the English language. And that’s also a hoax. Next thing you know, my truck’s gonna identify as a Prius.

Lord, we thank you for the brave idea of firing nuclear weapons into hurricanes. We know it would’ve worked if the deep state hadn’t interfered. We thank you for the tariffs on penguins, Father. The money is pouring in. We don’t know where from. But it’s pouring in.

We thank you for answering our prayer about gasoline. It’s the lowest it’s ever been. Even though the sign says otherwise. But we don’t read numbers. Lord numbers are liberal. We thank you for the funds for the Pedophile Patio at the White House. We don’t know what it is. But the liberals said it’s bad. So, it must really be good. And that’s enough for us.

Lord, we ask You to bless our crosses. Which absolve us of all wrongdoing. We wear them proudly, Father, even when we’re screaming at cashiers or crashing Grindr. Not that we’ve ever crashed Grindr. That was the liberals.

And Father, we rebuke the rumors about ladybugs we may or may not have contracted from Lindsey “Lady” Graham. We don’t have them. We’ve never had them. We don’t think. That’s the liberals’ fault too. Lord, we pray for this nation. We pray for our bathrooms. We pray for our genitals. We pray for our Orange Messiah. And we pray that you continue to forgive us instantly while holding everyone else accountable forever. In your holy, conservative, red‑hat‑approved name we pray. Amen.”

As the final “Amen” echoed across the field. Bounced off the port‑a‑potties. Ricocheting through the humidity. And startling at least three confused squirrels. I realized something profound. This wasn’t a prayer. This was a confession disguised as patriotism. A spiritual tantrum. A theological meltdown. A holy‑ghost‑free revival sponsored by conspiracy theories and lukewarm potato salad.

The red‑hat faithful walked away feeling forgiven. Justified. And spiritually moisturized. Not because they’d repented. But because they’d shouted loudly enough to drown out their own guilt. Meanwhile, the rest of us stood there blinking like we’d just witnessed a raccoon steal a wedding cake.

If delusion had a megachurch, this prayer would’ve been the keynote speaker. If hypocrisy had a hymn book, this prayer would’ve been track one. If nonsense had a national anthem, this prayer would’ve been sung at every football game.

And here’s my final word. May we all be delivered from prayers that sound like Facebook comments. May our humor stay sharp. Our queerness stay loud. And our spirits stay unbothered. And may the next local event have better food, better theology, and fewer polyester hats. Thanks for reading! And thank you for your attention to this matter. Praise Be To Allah!

  Affirmation: I stand rooted in truth, humor, and queer resilience. No amount of red‑hat chaos can shake my spirit or dim my brilliance.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

International Overdose Awareness Day: The Day We Stop Pretending Willpower Is Medicine

“Shame has never saved a life. Compassion has. And still can.”

-This Puzzled Life

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Today, we’re not just cleansing the house. We’re cleansing the collective delusion that addiction is a moral failing. The sage is smoking like it’s trying to file a worker’s comp claim. The charcoal is popping like it’s gossiping about the neighbors. And I’m standing in the kitchen with the kind of determination usually reserved for Southern women who’ve had enough.

Piper struts in first.Tail high. Eyes narrowed. And a clipboard already out like she’s conducting a federal audit.

Piper: “Before we begin. I need to know if this is a cleansing ritual, a public dragging, or a memorial service. My paperwork differs.”

Me: “All three. It’s International Overdose Awareness Day. And I’m about to educate the masses.”

Coco barrels in next. She’s breathing heavily like she just ran a marathon but actually just walked from the living room.

Coco: “Is this about the humans who say addiction is willpower? And overdose is a moral collapse? I once ate an entire rotisserie chicken while sleepwalking. Explain that with willpower.”

Tinkerbell descends from the top of the fridge like a Victorian ghost who died of judgment.

Tinkerbell: “If willpower cured anything, half this household would stop doomscrolling at 2 AM. And the other half would stop emotionally eating Cheez-Its.”

Me: “Exactly. We’re dragging ignorance today.”

Piper adjusts her glasses. The glasses she does not need and sighs.

Piper: “I’ll prepare the minutes. This meeting is already chaotic.”

International Overdose Awareness Day started in 2001 as a remembrance event at a Salvation Army needle exchange in Melbourne, Australia. It was created to honor those lost. Reduce stigma around overdose. And to push the world to stop treating overdose like a shameful secret instead of a public health crisis. And let me say this plainly, with all the Southern sweetness of a peach cobbler baked in righteous fury, “Addiction and overdose are not moral issues.” And it’s not about willpower.

The next time you have diarrhea, keep in mind that it’s just willpower. Sit there with a Bible verse and see if the situation resolves itself. Let me know how that works out. That’s how ludicrous that argument is.

People don’t become addicts because they’re weak, sinful, lazy, or lacking character. Many addicts die wanting anything in life other than to be an addict. They die fighting. They die trying. They die hoping. But some folks, including people in my own family, love to say, “Addiction is about willpower.” It never has been. It never will be.

I’ve been an addict. I’ve been a professional treating addicts. I’ve buried friends. I’ve buried family. Not once have I judged them for their struggle. But the hypocrites in my life? The ones who claim moral superiority while ingesting alcohol at a rate that Pete Hegseth and Kash Patel struggle to keep up with? Hypocrite, please.

Overdose is an unfortunate part of addiction. Whether it’s chemicals, behaviors, or the slow-motion self-destruction people pretend “doesn’t count.” Because it’s socially acceptable. So how about we stop demonizing people who overdose while absolving ourselves of our own harmful, numbing, escapist overdoses?

If we’re being honest, some folks overdose on alcohol, self-righteousness, denial, Amazon Prime, gossip, rage, food, religion, and control. But somehow that doesn’t get labeled as a moral failure. Funny how selective morality works.

And here’s the truth that makes some folks squirm like they sat on a church pew with a splinter. Overdose doesn’t happen because someone is weak. It happens because someone is human. Humans who loved. Humans who tried. Humans who fought battles most people couldn’t survive for five minutes. Humans who deserved compassion instead of commentary.

But every year, we lose more people. Not because they were broken. But because the world still treats addiction and overdose like a character flaw instead of a medical condition. We lose them because shame is louder than science. Because judgment is easier than empathy. Because some folks would rather cling to their superiority complex than admit they don’t know a damn thing about what they’re talking about.

So on International Overdose Awareness Day, I’m lighting this charcoal. Sprinkling this sage. And saying this with my whole chest, “Stop demonizing the people who are drowning while you’re out here drinking from your own poison well. Stop pretending your socially acceptable overdoses are any less destructive just because they come with a cute, monogrammed tumbler or a Bible verse slapped on top. Stop acting like overdose is a choice when half the people judging can’t even choose to drink water or go to bed on time. And most importantly, start honoring the people we’ve lost by refusing to let stigma bury the living.

The dead deserve dignity. The living deserve compassion. And the ignorant deserve education. Loud, unapologetic, Southern‑fried education. Today, I’m choosing truth over tradition. Compassion over comfort. And humanity over hypocrisy. If that makes some folks uncomfortable? Good. Growth never happens in comfort. And comfort has never saved a single life. But truth might. Compassion might. You might. Thanks for reading! Share this with others.

 Affirmation: I honor the lives lost. Uplift the living. And refuse to let stigma speak louder than truth.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

Badass Affirmations For Today’s Gen X Legends

“I am one minor inconvenience away from becoming a cryptid who lives in the woods and only appears to steal Wi-Fi.”

-This Puzzled Life

Light the charcoal. If we Gen Xers are gonna summon our inner Badass Affirmations, we need fire, smoke, and at least one neighbor peeking over the fence wondering if we’re starting a cookout or an exorcism. (Honestly, could be both. Depends on the day and the humidity.)

Listen, Gen Xers. We are the generation that survived lead paint, lawn darts, and riding in the back of pickup trucks at 70 mph. And parents who thought “therapy” was a sign of demonic possession. We are the middle children of America. The duct tape holding this country together. While Boomers argue on Facebook. Ok, I do argue on Facebook too. And Millennials cry into their oat milk. And now? Now we’re supposed to “affirm” ourselves like we’re soft, gentle beings who believe the universe is listening. Well, the universe is listening. But she’s got AirPods in. And she’s halfway through a true crime podcast.

So, today’s affirmations are not soft. They’re not gentle. They’re not written in pastel fonts with butterflies. No ma’am. These are Badass Affirmations for Today’s Gen Xers. They are forged in sarcasm. Raised on MTV. And baptized in the holy waters of “I don’t have time for this mess.” And yes, we’re doing it with Southern sass. Queer sparkle. And a healthy side-eye toward the conservative Christians. Who, ironically, swear Jesus hates everything except casseroles and Hobby Lobby.

Let us begin with the First Commandment of Gen X Badassery.

1. Thou shalt not let anyone born after 1995 tell you how to live.

If a 22-year-old tries to explain “self-care” to you, simply nod. Smile. And remember you once moisturized with St. Ives Apricot Scrub and survived.

2. Thou shalt embrace the chaos.

We are the generation that watched our parents scream about Satanic Panic while we listened to Madonna and played Dungeons & Dragons. Chaos is our birthright. We don’t run from it. We season it. Fry it. And serve it with sweet tea.

3. Thou shalt not be guilt-tripped by hypocrites.

If someone clutching a Bible tries to shame you for existing, remind them Jesus hung out with prostitutes, tax collectors, and fishermen. Not HOA presidents. And if they still don’t get it, bless their heart and move on. (Bless their heart = Southern for “I hope your casserole burns.”)

4. Thou shalt affirm thyself with the confidence of a drag queen at a Baptist potluck.

You are not too old. You are not too tired. You are not too anything. You are a Gen Xer. We were forged in sarcasm. Fueled by caffeine. And held together by ibuprofen and spite.

5. Thou shalt remember that Gen X invented minding your business.

We walked home alone after school. We raised ourselves on microwaved pizza rolls. We learned to fix emotional trauma with sarcasm and a mixtape. We do not need Karen from church telling us how to parent, pray, or process our trauma.

6. Thou shalt embrace your gay sass, even if your mee-maw still calls it “your little personality.”

Honey, shine. Shimmer. Sparkle like a disco ball at a revival tent. If they don’t like it, they can go read Leviticus and leave you alone.

7. Thou shalt affirm your worth even when your back pops like bubble wrap every time you stand up.

You are still hot. You are still powerful. You are still the generation that survived dial-up internet. You can survive anything.

So, light the charcoal. Gen X is not just for ambiance. But as a spiritual act of rebellion. Let that smoke rise like our collective patience leaving our bodies every time someone under 30 says, “OK boomer.” And we have to remind them we are the generation that invented eye‑rolling, sarcasm, and emotional detachment as a coping mechanism.

Stand tall in your Crocs. Your orthopedic inserts. Your “I swear I used to be fun” hoodie. Lift your chin with the confidence of someone who survived dial‑up, Reaganomics, and parents who thought seatbelts were “optional suggestions.” Declare your affirmations with the boldness of a queer Southerner walking into a conservative church potluck carrying a rainbow Jell‑O mold and a smile that says, “Yes, Brenda, I am the agenda.”

Let your voice boom like a Baptist preacher who just found out the choir director is gay (again). Let your spirit shine like Aqua Net on prom night. Let your boundaries be firmer than your lower back when it locks up at 6 a.m. for no reason.

Because you, my darling Gen X legend, are a walking contradiction of grit, glitter, trauma, triumph, sarcasm, and survival. You are the generation that raised yourself. Therapized yourself. Caffeinated yourself. And resurrected yourself more times than Jesus’ PR team could keep up with.

You are the duct tape holding this country together. You are the middle child of America who learned to thrive in chaos. You are the badass who can say “bless your heart” with 47 different meanings. And all of them legally binding.

And if anyone tries to dim your shine or question your worth or tell you you’re “too old” for something, smile sweetly. Take a deep breath. Channel your ancestors. Your inner drag queen. Your inner grunge‑era rage. And your inner Southern auntie who keeps a flask in her purse. Then say, with holy conviction, “I survived the 80s, the 90s, and three decades of other people’s nonsense. I am not the one.”

Now go forth, Gen X. Be bold. Be loud. Be unbothered. Be the badass affirmation the world needs. And may your charcoal always light on the first try. Thanks for reading! Does this blog feel “right on the money” for our generation?

Affirmation: I am a Gen X masterpiece. I’m sarcastically blessed. Spiritually moisturized. And too seasoned to be shaken by amateurs.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

Why Every 80s Kid Was One Bad Decision Away From A Lifetime Movie Plot

“If the 80s didn’t kill me. Your opinion definitely won’t.”

-This Puzzled life

Light the charcoal. If we’re gonna talk about the 80s, we need smoke, drama, and at least one angelic visitation from a Southern Baptist church lady clutching a casserole. And whisper‑praying for our souls.

I had barely struck the match when Piper strutted in like she was auditioning for RuPaul’s Drag Race: Feline Edition. Coco followed. She was rolling her eyes so hard she saw her own brain. Tinkerbell arrived last. She was carrying the emotional weight of someone who lived through dial‑up internet. And refuses to talk about it.

Piper: “Mama, tell us again how y’all used to chase the mosquito‑spraying truck like it was the ice cream man.” 

Me: “Baby, that was our version of aromatherapy.” 

Coco: “So you willingly ran toward poison?” 

Me: “Yes, and we called it summer.”

Tinkerbell: “Lord have mercy. Y’all were one bad decision away from a Lifetime movie called ‘Bless Her Heart: The Dana Story.’” 

Piper: “Was this before or after you realized you were gay?” 

Me: “Before. But the signs were there. I had a favorite Golden Girl.” 

Coco: “Which one?” 

Me: “Dorothy.” 

Tinkerbell: “Yeah, that tracks.”

The charcoal popped. The cats stared. And I knew it was time to confess the truth. 80s childhood wasn’t a vibe. It was a survival sport.

Look, kids today have helmets, GPS trackers, and parents who Google things like “Is this safe?” We had none of that. We had vibes and the Lord’s protection. Which was honestly stretched thin. He was also busy dealing with televangelists, Reaganomics, and every Southern mama praying for her gay child without knowing why.

UNSUPERVISED BIKE RIDES

We rode bikes miles away from home with no water, no sunscreen, and no adult supervision. If you got lost, you didn’t call anyone. You just accepted your new life in the woods like a feral pioneer child.

THE MOSQUITO TRUCK

Modern kids run from danger. We ran toward it. That fog rolled down the street like a Stephen King villain and we said, “Oh goodie, free mist!”

THE SNACKS

We ate plastic‑wrapped cheese. Kool‑Aid with enough sugar to stop a grown man’s heart. Bologna that had a rainbow sheen. And popsicles that tasted like lead paint and joy.

THE PARENTING STYLE

Southern parents in the 80s didn’t “supervise.” They announced. “Be home by dark.” That was it. No follow‑up questions. No safety plan. Just vibes and Jesus.

THE GAY PART

Growing up gay in the conservative South was like being a unicorn in a deer stand. You knew you were magical. But you also knew you needed to stay quiet, or someone’s mee-maw would try to pray the glitter out of you.

Meanwhile, my cats listened to all this like they were taking notes for a documentary.

Piper: “So basically, y’all were raised by chaos and pesticides.” 

Coco: “And shame. Don’t forget the shame.”

Tinkerbell: “Honestly, it explains everything.”

So yes. Every 80s kid was one bad decision away from a Lifetime movie plot. We survived poison fog. Unsupervised adventures. Snacks that violated FDA guidelines. And Southern Christianity’s “We love you but also don’t ask questions” energy.

Let me tell you something right now. Standing here in my Mississippi kitchen with three judgmental cats and the ghost of every Southern church lady who ever side‑eyed my existence hovering over my left shoulder like a passive‑aggressive guardian angel.

We, the 80s kids, should not be alive. Not metaphorically. Not spiritually. I mean biologically, medically, scientifically, and according to every modern parenting blog written by someone named Brittany who packs organic snacks in BPA‑free containers.

We were raised in an era where seatbelts were “optional suggestions.” Bike helmets were “for the weak.” And the mosquito truck was “community enrichment.” We were one bad decision away from starring in a Lifetime movie titled “Bless Her Heart: The Dana Chronicles” or “Raised By Pesticides” or “Southern Gay Survival Story.” Take your pick.

And while we were out there inhaling poison fog like it was Chanel No. 5, our Southern Christian parents were inside praying hedge‑of‑protection prayers so thick they could’ve been used as insulation. Not that they knew what we were doing. They thought we were “playing outside.” Ma’am, we were reenacting Lord of the Flies with bicycles and no adult supervision.

Meanwhile, I was also quietly navigating the spiritual obstacle course of being a gay kid in the conservative South. Which meant I was simultaneously dodging mosquito fog, emotional repression, and Sister Linda’s unsolicited prophecy that “the Lord has a special plan for you.” And he did. It involved glitter and sarcasm.

And now? Now we’re grown. We pay bills. We raise kids. We have opinions about grout. We have survived everything from Reagan to dial‑up to purity culture. To the fact that our childhood snacks were made of 40% petroleum byproduct.

My cats watched me deliver this sermon like I was testifying in the Church of Chaotic Upbringing.

Piper: “Mama, you’re not just a miracle. You’re a franchise.” 

Coco: “Honestly, you should’ve come with a warning label.” 

Tinkerbell: “Or a Lifetime contract.”

And here’s the mic‑drop truth. The gospel according to every 80s kid who lived through the fog, the freedom, the foolishness, and the fundamentalist fearmongering. We just didn’t survive the 80s. We outlived the 80s. We walked through the valley of mosquito spray and came out moisturized. We endured the shame, the chaos, the bologna with the rainbow sheen, and the Southern Christian guilt that could crush a lesser mortal. We are the chosen ones. The anointed. The pesticide‑kissed prophets of resilience.

So, if anyone tries to tell you you’re “too much,” just smile sweetly. Bless their heart and remember, “You survived an entire decade that tried to kill you with fog machines, sugar, and Jesus.” They can’t handle you. They’re not qualified to handle you. You are a walking Lifetime movie with better hair and boundaries. Charcoal still burning. Cats applauding silently in judgmental solidarity. Thanks for reading! How do you remember the 80s?

Affirmation: I am resilient. I am fabulous. And I survived the 80s. Nothing can stop me except maybe gluten.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

The 80s Mall: Our Natural Habitat and Emotional Support Ecosystem

“The 80s mall didn’t just raise us. It emotionally stabilized us better than half the adults in our lives.”

-This Puzzled Life

Light the charcoal. Today we are not merely remembering the 80s mall. We are summoning it. Resurrecting it. And calling it forth like a neon‑soaked ancestral spirit guide wearing leg warmers. And chewing Bubble Yum with the confidence of someone who has never once read a nutrition label.

The 80s mall wasn’t just a building. It was a biosphere, a social laboratory, a feral ecosystem where children roamed free like denim‑clad gazelles. It was the one place where your mama could drop you off with five dollars, a scrunchie, and a warning about “not acting a fool.” And somehow that was considered responsible parenting. The mall raised us. The mall fed us. The mall taught us that independence meant walking around unsupervised for eight hours. And only calling home if someone sprained an ankle or got lost in Sears.

It was our emotional support ecosystem before emotional support ecosystems were a thing. It was therapy before therapy. It was cardio before cardio. It was church before church. It was TikTok before TikTok. Except instead of filters, we had Glamour Shots. Instead of algorithms, we had the food court. So let us honor the fluorescent kingdom that shaped our souls, our fashion sense, and our questionable decision‑making skills.

10 Things That Made the 80s Mall Our Emotional Support Ecosystem

  • The Food Court-A culinary fever dream where you could eat Sbarro pizza, teriyaki chicken, and a pretzel the size of a Buick hubcap. It was the original “choose your fighter” screen.
  • Spencer’s Gifts-The forbidden forest of the mall. You went in for a lava lamp and came out spiritually changed. Slightly confused. And carrying a rubber chicken.
  • The Arcade-A dimly lit cave where boys communicated through grunts. Button‑mashing. And the sacred ritual of slapping quarters on the machine to claim next game.
  • Glamour Shots-The place where every Southern girl became a feather‑haired deity. You walked in looking like a child. And walked out looking like you were about to release a country album.
  • Orange Julius-A beverage so mysterious it defied science. Was it juice? Was it foam? Was it industrial insulation? We didn’t ask questions.
  • The Mall Fountain-A shimmering lagoon of wishes, pennies, and the occasional toddler shoe. It was our emotional support water feature.
  • The Perfume Counter-A chemical assault zone where you were spritzed against your will by a woman named Linda who smelled like Chanel No. 5 and authority.
  • The Record Store-A sanctuary where we pretended to understand music genres. And, also, judged strangers based on their cassette choices.
  • The Mall Walkers-The elders who power‑walked at dawn like they were training for mall‑based combat. They were the backbone of mall society.
  • The Payphone Bank-Our hotline to Mama. Our emergency broadcast system. Our “Jessica is being dramatic again, please retrieve me” communication hub.

The 80s mall wasn’t just a place. It was a multisensory emotional support habitat engineered to keep us alive. Entertained. And slightly overstimulated. The moment those sliding glass doors whooshed open, you were hit with a wall of smells like popcorn, perfume, pretzels, and the faint scent of a RadioShack employee losing the will to live.

The mall was where we learned economics (“If I buy this sticker pack, I will not have enough money for a slice of pizza”), sociology (“If I walk past the cute boys three times, they will eventually notice me”), and survival (“If I get lost in JCPenney, I must follow the sound of the escalator until I reach civilization”).

It was also where we learned fashion. Which is why so many of our childhood photos look like we were raised by a pack of neon‑obsessed raccoons. We wore shoulder pads big enough to pick up satellite signals. We wore jelly shoes that blistered our feet into oblivion. We wore outfits that could blind a man at twenty paces.

And the mall didn’t just shape us. It healed us. Had a bad day at school? Go to the mall. Got dumped by your 7th‑grade boyfriend? Go to the mall. Needed to feel the warm embrace of consumerism? Go to the mall. Needed to walk around aimlessly for six hours because your mama said, “go play”? Go to the mall. The mall was our coping mechanism. Our sanctuary. Our ecosystem of emotional regulation and questionable snacks. And honestly? We turned out fine. Mostly.

And now, here we stand. Grown. Exhausted. Over‑scheduled adults. Who can barely get through a Target run without needing a nap and a hydration break. Meanwhile, our children act like going to a store is a war crime. They clutch their tablets like emotional support rodents. And look at us like we’re asking them to churn butter.

But us? We were forged in the fluorescent crucible of the 80s mall. We survived unsupervised freedom. Orange Julius sugar crashes. And the psychological warfare of the perfume counter. We navigated the labyrinth of Sears without GPS. We endured Glamour Shots bangs that could slice through drywall. We walked uphill both ways in jelly shoes that were basically medieval torture devices.

We are the generation that learned resilience from a food court. And emotional regulation from a mall fountain. We are the children of neon, tile floors, and Cinnabon steam. We are unbreakable. We are unstoppable. We are mall‑raised. Mall‑blessed. Mall‑forged warriors. And may the spirit of the mall walkers guide our steps forever.

Affirmation: I am grounded. I am centered. I am guided by the neon glow of my ancestors and protected by the mall walkers at dawn.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

Aqua Net Warriors: The 80s Hair That Fought Back

“In the 80s, our hair wasn’t a style. It was a structural commitment, baby.”

-This Puzzled Life

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the Aqua Net. Fan the smoke alarm with a church bulletin. And may the Lord forgive every Southern woman who single‑handedly punched a hole in the ozone layer before she even made it to homeroom. Today we are not just talking about 80s hair. We are bearing witness. We are testifying. We are gathering at the altar of teased bangs, crispy curls, and hair so big it needed its own seatbelt. Let me paint you a picture.

It’s 1988. Your mama is in the bathroom at 5:45 AM. And already three Diet Cokes deep. Wearing a robe that has seen things no robe should ever see. She’s got a teasing comb in one hand. A can of Aqua Net in the other. And a look in her eye that says, “I will NOT let humidity win today. Not in this house. Not on my watch.”

The bathroom is fogged up like a Baptist sauna. The cat is hiding under the bed because it knows what’s coming. Your bangs are standing straight up like they’re trying to catch the Rapture early. And your mama? She’s whispering to herself like a woman possessed, “Just a little more height. Just a little more lift. Just a little more structural integrity.” This wasn’t hair styling. This was emotional warfare. This was Southern carpentry. This was aerodynamic rebellion. And we lived for it.

THE 10 HAIRSTYLES OF THE 80s THAT DESERVED THEIR OWN EMERGENCY RESPONSE TEAM

  • The Mall Bangs-Achieved by teasing your bangs until they resembled a tidal wave frozen mid‑crash. These bangs could block UV rays. Deflect insults. And possibly intercept Soviet radio transmissions.
  • The Perm That Never Quit-Tight curls so aggressive they could file a noise complaint. You didn’t get a perm. You entered a long‑term relationship with one.
  • The Feathered Farrah-Hair so swoopy it created its own wind patterns. If you turned your head too fast, you could knock over a toddler.
  • The Mullet-Business in the front. Felony in the back. The official haircut of men who owned at least one illegal firework.
  • The Crimped Catastrophe-Looked like your hair lost a fight with a waffle iron. Perfect for when you wanted to look electrocuted on purpose.
  • The Teased‑to‑Jesus Crown-The higher the hair, the closer to God. And we were practically sitting in His lap.
  • The Side Ponytail of Chaos-Because nothing says “I’m barely holding it together” like putting all your hair on one side of your head.
  • The Rat‑Tail-A hairstyle that proved not everyone should have access to scissors.
  • The Aqua‑Net Helmet-Hair so stiff you could’ve used it as a car jack. If you hugged someone, they risked a concussion.
  • The Glam‑Metal Mane-Hair so big it needed its own zip code and emotional support animal. If you walked behind someone with this hair, you needed a spotter.

And that is the gospel truth of 80s hair. A decade where every woman walked around with a hairstyle that could survive a tornado, a breakup, and a surprise visit from the pastor. A decade where we used enough hairspray to embalm a small horse. A decade when our bangs were so high they could’ve been used as a landmark.

We didn’t just style our hair. We engineered it. We architected it. We fought humidity with the fury of a thousand Southern grandmothers. And if that ain’t a legacy, I don’t know what is. Mic dropped like a can of Aqua Net rolling off the bathroom counter and denting the tile. Thanks for reading! Please post some 80s hair pictures.

Affirmation: I am bold. I am lifted. I am teased to perfection. No humidity formed against me shall prosper.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

Rotary Phones: The Original Escape Room Challenge

“Gen X: Because someone had to survive the 80s so the rest of y’all could have feelings.”

-This Puzzled Life

Light the charcoal. We’re about to summon the spirits of Gen X. We were the only generation that survived metal playground equipment, unfiltered hose water, and parents who thought “supervision” was something only rich people did.

Let’s talk about the 80s. The decade where every child was basically a free‑range chicken with a bike. And nothing captures the chaos of our upbringing better than the rotary phone. That thing wasn’t just a communication device. It was the first escape room. A psychological puzzle. A patience test. A spiritual trial. A full‑body workout. A rite of passage.

Listen. If you didn’t grow up in the 80s, you will never understand the emotional damage of mis‑dialing the last number on a rotary phone. You’d get all the way to the ninth digit. Your finger trembling. Your soul leaving your body. And then slip. Back to the beginning. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Do not call your friend to see if they can come outside.

Rotary phones were the original “Are you smart enough to escape this room?” challenge. Except the room was your grandmother’s kitchen. The puzzle was a plastic wheel from 1952. And the prize was getting to talk to someone whose mom might pick up and yell, “Hello? Who is this?” And Gen X? We were forged in that fire.

We survived:

  • Phone cords long enough to lasso a sibling, a dog, and a passing station wagon.
  • Busy signals, which were basically the universe saying, “try again later, loser.”
  • Parents screaming “Get off the phone, I’m expecting a call!” even though they weren’t.
  • The fear of calling a friend and having their dad answer with a voice that sounded like he ate gravel for breakfast.

Kids today will never know the terror of dialing a crush’s house and praying their mother didn’t answer with the tone of a woman who had already raised three children and was done.

And while we’re at it, Gen X childhood wasn’t just rotary phones. It was metal slides hot enough to brand livestock. Monkey bars designed by someone who hated children. Halloween costumes made of plastic so flammable they violated the Geneva Convention. Riding in the back of pickup trucks like we were in a Marlboro commercial. Snacks made of 98% Red Dye No. 5. Being left alone for 12 hours with nothing but a bike, a stick, and a vague sense of danger.

We didn’t have helicopter parents. We had “figure it out” parents. We didn’t have screen time limits. We had “go outside and don’t come back until the streetlights come on.” We didn’t have anxiety. We had character development. And now? We’re raising kids who need a snack, a water bottle, a fidget toy, a weighted blanket, and three emotional support apps just to go to Target.

So yes. We are Gen X. We survived rotary phones, lawn darts, metal slides, Satanic Panic, latchkey childhood, and parents who thought seatbelts were “optional suggestions.” We escaped the escape room. We solved the puzzle. We lived to tell the tale. And now we’re out here trying to raise children who cry if the Wi‑Fi blinks for three seconds.

Meanwhile, we’re still laughing. Still standing. Still unbothered. Because we were raised by chaos, danger, and a phone that required upper‑body strength. Cord tangled. Streetlights on. Gen X forever. Thanks for reading! What do you remember about growing up in the 80’s?

Affirmation: “I am a resilient, sarcastic, rotary‑phone‑forged masterpiece. And nothing in this modern world can intimidate me.”

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife