Drug abuse

darnold1975

What Is My Purpose?

“Nothing is more creative…nor destructive…than a brilliant mind with a purpose.”

-Dan Brown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Okie dokie! Wow. I had no idea that I would write about this topic today. And it’s a concept that has haunted me for many years. What is my purpose in life? 

Is my purpose to see how many punches I can take and still walk out of the fire alive? Ok. I’ve done that and continued to do that on a daily basis. Is it to conform to societal standards of what “normal” is? That will never be me. Is it to tackle difficult subjects that make people cringe? You’re getting warmer. Well, let me see if I can discern the information that I know without a doubt. 

1. I love helping people. Helping people is a burden on your soul. You don’t decide to help people because of a dollar sign. Helping people whether on an ambulance or in an addiction facility has always been my niche. My actions are done because of a calling that I was born to do. If anyone needs help and I can provide it, I will. That is one of the things that my family dynamics impressed upon me.

2.  Helping and caring for animals. You also don’t just decide to have compassion for animals. Some people say these things and yet I watch them beat their animals without constraint. My ex-husband has always said that he was an animal lover. That is the farthest thing from the truth. I’ll never forget the screams of my animals when he would take a belt, in the middle of the night, and go beat them. And I was completely powerless to defend them. When I left that horribly abusive situation, my animals were killed. My animals and the other animals that I interact with are my kids. I learned a long time ago, that I could trust animals when I couldn’t humans.

3.  Speaking up about difficult topics. I have no problem talking about really difficult topics in society. Sometimes it doesn’t make me the most popular person. And I don’t care. The topics of racism, mental illness, addiction, abuse, medical cannabis, suicide, self-harm, sexual abuse, puberty, predators, LGBTQ+ equality, rape, parenting or any other topic that makes us cringe. What you don’t see is how sometimes I struggle discussing them. Part of that is because of how I was raised. In the deep south, we are taught to not create any waves as it might reflect poorly on the family. And to know our places as children which was to always respect your elders without question. But what if you are a bystander to something that is abusive, and you don’t speak up? That’s what keeps me up at night. The personal information that I blog about that has happened or is currently happening in my life isn’t always pretty. And I realize that I’m not the savior who can swoop in and rescue people. I can, however, do my part as a human being. And, yes, I still worry about things that I cannot control and still become obsessions.

4. Writing is a passion. I began writing out of necessity. When I left my abusive therapist, I felt completely broken. The person I went to for help betrayed me in a way that continues to affect me. And unless you have been abused, you have no idea the hurdles that would have to be overcome to continue moving forward. And the complete disconnect between your emotions and your brain So, I began writing about topics that were affecting me in that moment. And suddenly, I began to get relief even if I hadn’t found the answers that I needed. I finally felt like I had a voice that deserved to be heard. I was tired of remaining quite as I had been expected to do my whole life. That’s when I realized that I wasn’t all those names that I had been called. I was someone who had information and experiences to share in order to help others. I have always felt alone no matter how many people I was around or despite the number of smiles that I put on my face. Blogging itself is a platform to help others in similar situations understand that they are not alone. Had someone just explained to me that my situations were not ok and that millions of people, worldwide, suffer in silence as I have, maybe that sense of loneliness would’ve diminished. However, when it’s happening to you especially all of the manipulation and brainwashing that occurs, you cannot see past the moment. Abuse leaves you questioning everything about the next person and even those in my family. I knew one thing for sure, I could not remain quiet. 

5. Humor brings me enjoyment. Humor has always been one of my greatest coping skills. I go through life as a literal thinker. So, if someone has a “Freudian slip” I will laugh myself silly even if that slip up was from myself. Humor a lot of times was used against me to make me a public spectacle. And it was done in a very demeaning way. As a way of life, I learned how to beat someone to the punch on a smartass comment. I always try to see the humor in most situations. And when there is no humor, I will find a way to interject some of my own. This gets me in trouble sometimes because that’s not conforming to those around me. And I’m expected to just let crazy happenings go without acknowledgment. That’s like putting a plastic bag over my head and being expected to breathe when the air is gone. I will always point out the sometimes-ridiculous way a situation looks. And I’ll probably write a note about it in my phone to use at a later date. I’m not right or wrong. It’s just how I operate.

My passion and purpose is to help others understand that just because you have taken the broken road in life doesn’t mean that you still can’t achieve happiness and also help others. I write about a lot of maladaptive behaviors that I continue to struggle with. But I also share my experience, strength and hope with those need that need the validation that they are not inherently bad or unworthy of happiness, love and inclusion. I still struggle with that concept. If you are a human being, you will fail. You will fall. You will be forced to confront your demons head-on. And it will scare the literal shit out of you. You will be forced to look at your part in situations. If you do not, you will remain stuck. You except your responsibility and move on whether or not the others do the same. You are responsible for only your feelings and emotions that are constantly changing. If they don’t except their responsibility, then they will shift the blame back to you. Push that shit out of the way. Hold your head high. And leave those people like a boss. You are worthy. You are loved. And you are enough!

“Be a lamp, or a lifeboat, or a ladder. Help someone’s soul heal. Walk out of your house like a shepherd.”

-Rumi

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Did He Say Puberty?

“Other than dying, I think puberty is about as rough as it gets.”

-Rick Springfield

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Okie dokie! Today, I want to talk about that horrible stage in life called PUBERTY! I know, I know. I feel like I just got acid dumped on me for saying that name. These days I have found the evil older sister called menopause. 

I personally don’t know how I got through puberty. I started understanding the confusion of being gay. The hormonal changes made me psycho. I began learning about relationships and how they change. I remember thinking that I took everything so personally. Horrible trauma was a constant. I became an addict in so many different ways. I was also incredibly impulsive. I don’t ever remember considering the consequences about anything. It was all about if “they” said no, DO IT! Little did I know, I would get permanently stuck in that developmental age. My body might’ve gotten older but I have not really aged emotionally. Trauma manages to stunt your emotional growth. And I was going through more than my fair share while my brain was still developing.

I was never taught boundaries growing up. I didn’t have any personal boundaries and perpetrators are boundaryless by nature. It was the perfect set up for things to go horribly wrong and they did. Our class went through so much trauma within about five years that we had to grow up incredibly fast. By the time I was a senior, I was emotionally searching for something that could provide me with some kind of hope. And that’s when my ex-husband made his predatory move. Many of us have become addicts in different ways. And sadly, many of my classmates have attempted suicide, completed suicide, died from drug overdoses or have gone to prison. It was so tumultuous, in fact, that I totally retract at the mention of the word.

As I have watched my oldest son, Marshall, go head first into that time period, I would be lying if I didn’t say how scared I am for him. The world is so much more violent. Bullying is much worse. Suicides and murders are out of control. School shootings are happening all over the country. Predators show even less restraint. Depending on where you live in the United States being free to express your sexuality can also be very traumatic. Pressure about having perfect grades and being accepted into top college programs has stolen the happiness of a child’s developmental process. And then there’s fentanyl that tops it all. I hate to sound like an old fart by saying that the world was just different then but it was. 

I think now there’s more emphasis on developmental mental health which is always a positive. Cell Phones have been able to record evidence of some of these covert things especially with abusive teachers. And finally these kids have the proof that administrators can’t blow off. But the shame and rejection by families and society doesn’t make life any easier. Perpetrators whether they be peers or adults still operate in the same way. Threats and intimidation is what keeps kids silent and in constant fear. And you put all of that onto a teen and they just can’t handle it. I have overheard people talking about suicide and the person said, “Sometimes life is just too damn hard for these kids.” I know my kids well and I pay attention to everything that I can while co-parenting with their other mom and her partner. We all have a very open type of relationship. However, it scares the absolute shit out of me, because most people thought that I was perfectly fine. And I was the farthest thing from that.

You can follow all the latest research and suggested ways of raising a child but they can still carry with them their own darkness even in plain sight. I would hope that my boys would come to me for anything. But the truth is, that may or may not happen and the consequences can be devastating. And if that’s not resolved in a healthy way then they carry that emotional weight into adulthood. It will be interesting 20 years from now to see the problems that these kids have as adults. Because the struggles that kids are facing now will resurface in some way.

I have laughed many times at the funny sides of puberty by watching my kids. Especially when little brother,Copeland, and his frustrations with Marshall. Sometimes it’s just plain hilarious. At 10 years old, he asks his own questions about puberty. I try to be mature about some of it but it’s a futile effort. Sometimes I laugh so hard that I can hardly breathe. Copeland loves to call his brother out anytime he gets the chance. Not to mention the fact that bathing is an evil necessity and seems to be the main thing that gets in the way of their happiness at this moment. Here is an example of a conversation that I witnessed one day:

Me:  “What’s that smell?”

Copeland: “Probably my brother.”

Marshall:  “Why did you say that?” 

Copeland: “Because it’s true! Momma Mel said that you stink and it’s a sign of puberty. Even if you don’t have hair on your balls yet.”

I made a quick stop to the bathroom because my bladder can’t handle as much laughter as it once did. Whew…I met it half way.  I had to laugh into a towel. 

I asked them:

Copeland: “Puberty and why he stinks.” 

Me: “What are y’all talking about?”

(I start giggling) 

I cannot seem to be mature about certain topics. And this was a stunning example.

Copeland: “Momma Mel says that you get hair everywhere.”

Me: “Yep one day you’ll have hairy tits, pits and a ball-fro on your cherries.” 

(We all laughed.)

Me: Now who wants the shower first? Nuts and butts!!! Let’s go!!!

At this time in my life, I do my best to still laugh at their innocence. We take one day and one argument at a time. I correct them when I need to . But I also let them have the freedom to say what they feel that they need to say within reason.  And I help them the best I can to deal with feelings. I also let them know that feelings are just feelings and they don’t last forever. So that when they’re almost fifty years old they don’t have to suffer with not ever knowing that the concept ever existed. So, maybe, just maybe, they can begin to understand that emotions aren’t terminal. And that all the power that they need is found from within themselves instead of in all the temptations on the outside that lead to even bigger problems.. And they won’t be forever stuck in an insufferable and totally self-obsessed hell.

“Raising teens is like nailing jello to a tree.”

-Unknown

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

What Are The Streets Saying? Krokodil

“Krokodil is a flesh eating drug”

(opustreatment.com, 2024).

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Okie dokie! Today’s topic for What Are the Streets Saying? I want to talk to you about a drug called Krokodil. This drug is especially dangerous as compounds can make wounds on the skin resemble those of a flesh eating bacteria.

This drug was first reported in Siberia in the 2002. It then spread to countries such as Ukraine, Georgia, Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, Czech Republic, France, Belgium, Germany, Sweden, Norway and the USA. And it’s victims are usually young people between the ages of 18-25. Typical clinical presentations of the same type of skin, muscle and bone infections are treated with IV antibiotics and wound dressing changes. The damage caused by this drug is resistant to these types of therapies (calpoison.org, 2023). And this is why these types of infections are associated with use of this drug is oftentimes a very painful and fatal outcome.

Krokodil, is the street name for desomorphine, is an injectable opiate with severe dermatologic effects. The drug is a codeine derivative. And to increase the addiction and hallucinogenic effects, toxic agents are added to the already dangerous substance. This is an older drug but one that is able to be manufactured at home within minutes. (Journal of Drug and Alcohol Dependence, 2017.)  The chemicals typically used to manufacture are paint thinner, gasoline, hydrochloric acid, iodine, red phosphorus (scraped off match striking boxes)  and/or white phosphorus (The American Journal of Medicine, 2014). This drug is considered semi-synthetic and is known as “poor man’s heroin” because of how cheap it is. The drug is about five times cheaper than heroin. These pills are comprised of codeine and acetaminophen tablets, which were OTC in Russia, and could be bought with $3.71 USD for 10 tablets. The tablets which are now not available OTC have raised the price to $15.46 (Journal of Drug and Alcohol Dependence, 2017.) To me, this is still extremely inexpensive compared to a lot of illicit drugs.

Its  street names “Krokodil”, “Crocodile”, “Croc”, “Flesh eating heroin” , “Drug of the poor” “Russian Magic” “Flesh-rotting drug” or “Krok” from the discolored green, black and flaking skin on users that resemble that of a crocodile. Users typically die from gangrene or other infections within 3 years.(Journal of Drug and Alcohol Dependence, 2017). Also, the toxic chemicals show up as skin necrosis, advanced pyoderma and ulcers that expose bone, muscle and tendons (opustreatment.com, 2024).

This is another drug that is so incredibly dangerous and deadly. This might be the one drug out there that I never have an interest in trying. Again, take what you can use and leave the rest. But most of all, I hope that you have learned about another illicit drug that can and does take down individuals and families that doesn’t discriminate on age, race, sex, gender or socioeconomic status. Stay safe and thanks for reading!

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

What are the Streets Saying? “Pharm Parties”

“It’s not the use of drugs that causes the problem. It’s the abuse.”

-Patrick Betsch

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Okie Dokie! I thought today that I would start by putting some information out there about some of the street drugs and other destructive things going on regarding addiction. Most have at one point in their lives done something incredibly stupid or dangerous in our teens. And I am no exception. I never learned my lesson and have continued to do so into my adult years.

One of the more dangerous things I’ve heard of doing are parties known as “Pharm Parties” or “Skittles parties.” This refers to pharmaceuticals. These are baggies of pharmaceuticals that are gathered from parents’ medicine cabinets and dumped into a large bowl and taken at random. This activity has been going on since the 60’s which was known as “fruit salad parties,” which warned against the dangers in an Ann Landers column. At that time, the behavior was said to be out of rebellion directed towards parents. This was rumored by saying that the pills were being hidden inside fruit which were mixed into actual fruit salads. Individuals ended up in hospitals and comas as a result. However, now it’s commonly done due to addictive behaviors.  (Slate, 2008). “Pharm parties” are silent killers that are also known to combine alcohol with the random concoction. While mixing medication is still dangerous, it’s still not any safer than taking a handful of any other type of medication. I have never personally attended one of these types of parties. Because I was always getting high by my own stash of medications. Nevertheless, it’s all dangerous.

These “parties” also involve Robo-tripping, which refers to using the cough suppressant medications like Robotussin or the like with other alcohol or drinking large amounts of the product. There is not a lot of evidence that these parties are widespread. However the abuse of prescription drugs among adolescents and college-age students is widespread. In relation to street drugs like heroin, cocaine and ecstasy, prescription drugs such as Ritalin, Adderall, Oxycontin and Vicodin tend to be cheaper and seem to provide the user with a false sense of safety. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention indicate that 55 percent of prescription drug abusers obtain prescription painkillers free from a friend or a relative, making it cheaper than purchasing a keg (Health.usnews.com, 2016.).

College parties have evolved from “keggers. And have now progressed to prescription drugs. Society now seems to normalize “popping pills” as a risky part of adolescent behavior. But what happens when this becomes an addiction? The goal of this post is to educate parents by teaching us to keep an eye on medicine cabinets. 

I will be writing more blogs related to topics about current trends regarding drugs and their misuse and abuse. Take what information you can use and leave the rest. But as I have said previously, the information is out there and ignorance can no longer be used as an excuse for behaviors that are taking the lives of ourselves and the ones we love.

“The abuse of prescription pills is a real thing. I understand that there are people that really need them and I understand that there are people that abuse them, and it’s just a gray line that unfortunately has to exist.”

-Channing Tatum

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife