survivor

darnold1975

Child Abuse Awareness: When the Safe Places Aren’t Safe

“When the places built to protect children become the places that break them, the wound isn’t just personal. It’s a failure of every adult who chose silence over responsibility.”

-This Puzzled Life

Light the candles. Move the breakables. Tell the ancestors to take their seats and pass the sweet tea. We’re not easing into this one. And before the denial committee calls an emergency meeting to rehearse their “But that’s not what we meant” speeches, let’s go ahead and say the quiet part out loud.

Child abuse doesn’t just happen in the home. It happens in classrooms where teachers misuse authority. In churches where “discipline” is weaponized. In sports programs where adults confuse control with coaching. In friend groups where older kids exploit younger ones. And in any space where a child’s safety depends on an adult’s integrity, and that integrity fails.

Let me say this in the clearest way I know how. And  coming from someone who personally knows a little something on this topic, what happened to you was abuse. And it was a betrayal of power. Schools and other places are supposed to be safe. Adults in those buildings are supposed to protect children. You were not protected. And when abuse happens in a place that claims to be safe, the damage hits on multiple layers at once. It’s not just the act itself. It’s the collapse of every structure that was supposed to shield you.

You were a child. They were adults. The responsibilities were never equal. The conflict you still feel between “their job” and “your role” is a direct result of their failure, not yours. The tactics you endured weren’t just harmful. They were calculated. “Diabolical” would be the right word. The cruelty, the gaslighting, the public humiliation? These are methods designed to break a person’s sense of reality and self‑worth. Many adults would crumble under that kind of psychological warfare. Expecting a child to withstand it is unthinkable. And, yet, if you’re reading this, you did. Not because you should have had to. Not because you were equipped for it. But because you had no choice. That’s not resilience by choice. That’s survival by necessity.

Here are a few sources you might want to dive into.

1. Most child abuse is never reported (all types)

U.S. Department of Justice – Bureau of Justice Statistics“86% of child abuse cases are never reported to authorities.” 🔗 https://bjs.ojp.gov/content/pub/pdf/cv22.pdf (bjs.ojp.gov in Bing) (See section on underreporting of violent crime against children.)

2. Children often disclose abuse but are ignored or silenced

Health & Social Care in the Community (2025) Study on child maltreatment disclosures found that children frequently disclose abuse (physical, emotional, sexual, neglect) but are ignored, dismissed, or punished by adults. 🔗 https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/hsc.14336(onlinelibrary.wiley.com in Bing)

3. Delayed disclosure is common across ALL abuse types

CHILD USA – National Think Tank for Child ProtectionOver 70% of victims delay disclosure for at least five years, regardless of abuse type. 🔗 https://childusa.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Delayed-Disclosure-Report.pdf(childusa.org in Bing)

4. Institutional betrayal: schools, churches, programs often ignore reports

Journal of Child Sexual Abuse (applies to institutional responses across all abuse types) Shows that institutions frequently dismiss, minimize, or cover up reports of abuse.🔗 https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/10538712.2019.1570402 (tandfonline.com in Bing)

Note: While this journal focuses on sexual abuse, the institutional‑betrayal patterns. It’s documents are identical across physical, emotional, and psychological abuse.

5. Teachers and school staff rarely report abuse, even when required by law

U.S. Department of Education Report Only 11% of school personnel who witness or suspect abuse report it. 🔗 https://www2.ed.gov/rschstat/research/pubs/misconductreview/report.pdf (www2.ed.gov in Bing)

6. Children who report abuse are often disbelieved or blamed

National Institute of Justice – Child Abuse Disclosure Research Children frequently disclose abuse but face denial, minimization, or retaliation from adults. 🔗 https://nij.ojp.gov/topics/articles/child-abuse-disclosure-what-research-tells-us (nij.ojp.gov in Bing)

The wound you carry makes sense. Trauma doesn’t fade just because time passes. It imprints itself. It becomes a landmark in the psyche. And  something you walk around, navigate, and learn to live beside. Therapy can help you understand it. But it can’t erase the fact that it happened. And that it shouldn’t have happened. The gaslighting you endured stole something fundamental. Your ability to trust your own perception.

When adults deny a child’s reality, the child learns to doubt themselves. When they shame a child publicly, the child learns their existence is a problem. When adults ignore a child’s cries for help, the child learns that safety is conditional or imaginary. That’s not a child “being dramatic.” That’s a child being abandoned. And then abandonment by the very people who were supposed to protect you happened. The people you trusted were identified as educators, authority figures,  and other adults in power. And that leaves a wound that is both emotional and existential. You were trapped. And that was not your fault.

A child cannot escape a system built around them. A child cannot “just tell someone” when the people they’re supposed to tell are the ones causing the harm or ignoring it. A child cannot “make better choices” when every direction is blocked. You survived in the only ways available to you. Your mind did what it had to do. Your body did what it had to do. Your spirit did what it had to do. Survival is not shameful. Survival is not weak. Survival is not something you owe anyone an explanation for.

 And the fact of the matter is that THE FAILURE WAS THEIRS. NOT YOURS. You were a child. They were adults. They had power. You had none. The responsibility was theirs. The consequences were yours. And that imbalance is the injustice you’re naming. What you lived through would have broken many adults. The fact that you’re here speaking and naming it is refusing to let it stay buried. And that is strength. Even if it doesn’t feel like it. Thanks for reading! And do your part to help protect our children.

Affirmation: “I honor the child who survived what no child should face. I am not defined by what was done to me. I am defined by the courage it takes to speak it.”

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

The Boob Boy, The Bondi, and the Big Ol’ Bus They Got Thrown Under

“When you build your house on hypocrisy, don’t be shocked when the storm hits first.” 

-Southern Gay Wisdom

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Brace your spirit. Today’s sermon is brought to you by the Holy Ghost of “I Told Y’all.” The Book of Southern Gay Prophets. And the ancestral spirits who only show up when the drama is premium‑grade. The air is thick. The wind is petty. And the hypocrisy is rising like steam off a Mississippi driveway in July. Kristi Noem and Pam Bondi are out here doing the MAGA Walk of Shame. And the universe itself said, “Roll camera.”

Kristi “I Love Traditional Marriage Unless It’s Mine and Puppy Killer” Noem is over here smiling like she’s hosting a Mar‑a‑Lago bake sale. While her entire political career collapses like a Dollar Tree folding chair. Pam “I Have the Files-Wait, No I Don’t-What Files?” Bondi is shuffling papers like she’s auditioning for a Florida reboot of Law & Order: Girl, Please. And the hypocrisy? So thick you could spread it on a biscuit.

These two strutted into the week like they were the headliners of the Family Values Revival Tour. And strutted out like they’d been personally escorted offstage by the Holy Spirit and a security guard named Earl. The way they both got tossed under the Trump Bus with no seatbelt, no warning, no emotional support casserole, and not even a lukewarm dish from the church ladies is nothing but whew.

The ancestors aren’t just giggling. They’re hollering. They’re wheezing. They’re slapping their knees and saying, “See? Didn’t we tell y’all?” And now the smoke rising today? It’s not from the grill. It’s from the fall of two of America’s most dramatic ‘family values’ performers finally catching up to the truth they tried to outrun. Light the charcoal cause history is happening.

Let’s begin with Kristi “Traditional Marriage” Noem, who woke up this morning as the Director of Homeland Security. And then went to bed as the Director of “Girl, What Happened?” She strutted into that press conference like she was about to announce a new casserole recipe. Her bless your heart chin high. Hair sprayed into a helmet. Confidence radiating like she’d just won Miss Cornbread 2024. 

Kristi Noem is the same woman who smiled her Mar‑a‑Lago smile while cheering on the cruelty of ICE like it was a halftime show. And she really thought she was untouchable. She encouraged the worst of it. The raids, fear, brutality, and the “show them no mercy” energy that echoed the darkest chapters of history. She did it with a grin. With a camera‑ready face. And with the confidence of someone who believed she’d never be held accountable.

She wanted to take anything into custody that breathed wrong in Trump’s direction. Which included blow‑up animals, parade balloons, inflatable flamingos, and anything that dared to stand against the man she treated like a holy relic. She acted like Donald Trump wasn’t the con artist the entire country warned her about. She acted like loyalty to him was a retirement plan. But the check bounced.

And then Trump hit her with a “You’re fired!” Which had that same energy as a Dollar Tree cashier clocking out early. Because the register froze and they simply don’t get paid enough for this. But the real plot twist? Her husband, Mr. “Family Values” himself, is now living his best life as a cross‑dressing boob boy. And honestly? Good for him. Somebody in that marriage deserved joy, sequins, and breathable fabric.

Meanwhile, Pam “I Have the Files on My Desk” Bondi is out here giving us the greatest trilogy since Lord of the Rings like:

  1. “I have the files on my desk.”
  2. “I don’t have the files on my desk.”
  3. “What are the files?”

Ma’am. This is not a Nancy Drew novel. This is not a Hardy Boys mystery. This is a Florida woman with a ring light and a dream. Here’s the part that hits the deepest nerve. Pam Bondi who spent years doing the “I don’t have the files” shuffle, while survivors of Epstein’s abuse begged for acknowledgment she never gave. She never even acknowledged the Epstein survivors. Not when she was Florida Attorney General. Not when they begged for accountability. Not when they asked for meetings. Not when they asked for justice. 

Survivors and advocates have said for years that she ignored them. Dismissed them. And prioritized political loyalty over human suffering. And now she’s out here crying on camera about being “betrayed?” The only betrayal that mattered was the one she committed against the people who needed her most. Public criticism has followed her for years. Because she didn’t meet with them. She didn’t prioritize them. And she didn’t use her power to pursue accountability when she had the chance.

And so here we stand. We’re watching Kristi Noem and Pam Bondi wobbling down the political driveway tumbling down the marble steps of their own hypocrisy. Like two contestants eliminated in the first round of a reality show nobody asked for. Their mascara is running. With their heels in their hands whispering, “Donald, please don’t do this.” Donald Trump, patron saint of Save Myself First Ministries, simply adjusted his tie and said, “Ladies, I love you, but I love me more.” And he tossed them off the political porch like yesterday’s potato salad. The silence that followed could’ve been bottled and sold as a conservative Christian essential oil.

They’ve been politically guillotined by the very man they worshipped like their Orange Mussolini Messiah Daddy. The same man who told them he’d protect them. The same man who said he’d always be there. The same man who turned around and cut them loose the second it benefited him. Pam and Kristi, the country wasn’t lying to you. He was. So, put that in your Epstein pipe and smoke it.

And this is only the beginning. The fall of Trump and the collapse of MAGA isn’t a single moment. It’s a season. A reckoning. A slow‑motion implosion of every grifter, every sycophant, every “family values” fraud who thought proximity to power would save them. Two down. Many more to go.

And as the dust settles. As the excuses crumble. And the crocodile tears dry on the marble floors of Mar‑a‑Lago, let the record show That the South remembers. The gays remember. The survivors remember. And history remembers.

And now I’ll say this with my full chest, “Kristi, Pam, Bye Felicias! May the truth follow you louder than your lies ever did. May accountability find you faster than your loyalty found Trump. And may the fall of this corrupt movement be as dramatic as the chaos it unleashed.” Thanks for reading! What are your thoughts on these two useless human beings with no souls?

Affirmation: I release the chaos of hypocrites. The noise of liars. And the weight of other people’s fake values. I walk in truth, glitter, and ancestral clarity. 

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

When Purity Culture Protects Predators: The Duggar Edition

“If your righteousness collapses the moment accountability arrives, it was never righteousness. It was camouflage.”

-This Puzzled Life

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Today we’re grilling up a fresh batch of religious hypocrisy “Duggar‑style.” That special brand of “family values” where the skirts are long. The hair is crunchy. And the list of sex crimes is longer than the Old Testament. You’d think a family with 19 kids and a camera crew would’ve spent at least five minutes teaching their sons that maybe the real sin isn’t masturbation. It’s molesting children. But no. No, no, no. The Duggar doctrine has always been, “Touching yourself is evil. But touching your sisters? Well, let’s pray about it.”

And now here we are again. Another Duggar son, this time Joseph. Has been making headlines for the same nightmare behavior that already sent Josh Duggar, his brother, to prison. After Josh was found guilty of possessing child sexual abuse material and sentenced in 2022. A family tree so rotten it’s practically compost. And the wildest part? These aren’t drag queens. These aren’t queer folks. These aren’t immigrants. These aren’t the people conservative Christians love to foam at the mouth about. Nope. It’s straight, white, right‑wing, Bible‑thumping men. Yet again, harming children while preaching purity like they invented it.

Meanwhile the kids they violated? They’re left with trauma that doesn’t get a sentence reduction. A parole hearing. Or early release for “good behavior.” They carry it forever. In their bodies. In their nervous systems. In the quiet moments nobody else sees. But sure. Tell me again how queer people are the threat? Tell me again how trans folks using the bathroom is the downfall of civilization? Tell me again how cannabis is the devil’s lettuce while your sons are out here committing crimes that shatter childhoods?

At this point, the Duggar brand of Christianity is so tainted it needs a hazmat label. Everything they’ve preached about morality, purity, and righteousness has evaporated like holy water on a hot skillet. Their “faith” isn’t faith. It’s a costume. A prop. A shield for predators who hide behind scripture while desecrating everything it claims to stand for.

And the saddest part? There are still people who will defend them. Still people who will twist themselves into theological pretzels to excuse the inexcusable. Still people who will say, “Well, nobody’s perfect.” As if imperfection and predation are the same category. They aren’t. They never will be. Some things are unforgivable. Some things stain a soul so deeply that no amount of prayer, repentance, or PR spin can scrub it clean.

And if the most powerful seat in the nation can be held by someone repeatedly accused of harming women and children, it’s no wonder his supporters think this behavior is normal. It’s no wonder they defend it. It’s no wonder they minimize it. When your leader models entitlement, cruelty, and moral decay, the flock follows.

And here’s the part nobody in their starched‑collar, Bible‑thumping echo chamber wants to hear. The one they can’t sermonize away. Children deserve safety. Children deserve protection. Children deserve a world where their bodies are not battlegrounds for someone else’s power, lust, or theology. And anyone who violates that? Anyone who destroys a child’s sense of safety? Anyone who weaponizes religion to excuse it? They’ve forfeited the right to be seen as righteous. They’ve forfeited the right to be believed. They’ve forfeited the right to preach about morality ever again.

If your faith can’t protect children from your own men, it’s not faith. It’s a cover‑up with a choir. You don’t get to preach purity while you and your sons are out here shattering childhoods. You don’t get to weaponize scripture against queer folks. While ignoring the predators in your own pews. You don’t get to call yourselves “God’s chosen family.” When the only thing you’ve consistently produced is trauma, denial, and a PR team working overtime.

Because the truth is simple. If your faith collapses the moment accountability walks into the room, it was a costume stitched together with shame, silence, and selective morality. And the children you failed? They will grow up carrying scars your sermons can’t erase. They will spend years rebuilding safety you stole. They will learn to trust themselves again in a world you taught them was dangerous. When the danger was sitting at your own dinner table.

Meanwhile, the men who harmed them will keep hiding behind the same religion they desecrated. Counting on the same community that protected them. And quoting the same verses they never lived by. Truth doesn’t care about your reputation. It doesn’t care about your brand. It doesn’t care about your “family values” photo ops. It shows up loud, uninvited, and holding receipts.

And once it arrives, there’s no going back. No amount of prayer circles, modesty lectures, or “thoughts and prayers” statements can un‑rot a tree that’s been diseased from the roots. So let the world take note. It wasn’t drag queens. It wasn’t trans folks. It wasn’t immigrants. It wasn’t the communities you demonize. It was your own men. Again. And again. And again.

And if that truth makes your theology crumble? Good. Let it fall. Let it burn. Let it clear the ground for something that actually protects children instead of protecting predators. Because at the end of the day, the only thing more dangerous than a man who harms children, is a community that refuses to hold him accountable. And if your religion can’t tell the difference between righteousness and abuse, then it’s not holy. It’s a hiding place. Thanks for reading! And do your part to protect our children.

Affirmation: I honor truth. Protect the vulnerable. And refuse to let anyone hide abuse behind faith, power, or fear.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

I Don’t Belong (Poetry)

I Don’t Belong
In a place where I have friends, I don’t belong.
In a place where I have family, I don’t belong
In a place where there’s love,
I don’t belong.
In a place where I have freedom,
I don’t belong.
In a place where I have beautiful children,
I don’t belong.
There is life where I hold tightly to living
There is always someone giving
There are always differences
I’m not like others
Differences that some might see
Frustrations that have me clinging to life
I try to hold out for 2 boys and a wife
So hard I fight what others can’t see
The many parts of me
The hope that I held for so long
In a world where I don’t belong.
#thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Wounded Healers

“Other people are going to find healing in your wounds. Your greatest life messages and your most effective ministry will come out of your deepest hurts.”
—Rick Warren

Psychologist Carl Jung created the term Wounded Healer. The idea says that a person is compelled to treat patients because he himself is wounded. The essence of the idea is said that going through our wound that we can allow ourselves to be recreated by the wound. Our wound is one that is continually unfolding through a process that reveals itself to us and thereby teaching us about ourselves. Going through our wound and realizing that we will never be the same again once we reach the other side, we then come out the other side where empowerment is born. This process is completely different than going around our wound. And this process requires actively engaging ourselves. This process also is potentially creating a new transformation. This transformation essentially has us changing from the “old” self into the “new” self (awakeninthedream.com)

The wounded healer only becomes able to help others, while continuing to do work on ourselves again and again, when instead of feeling victimized we can see that wound as an event and as a part of a more spiritual moment. And then we can see how our own suffering within ourselves, is reflected to the outer world in a way that helps alleviate suffering in both worlds (awakeninthedream.com).

wounded healers

by Melanie Koulouris. 

What an incredible way to explain the healing process with reciprocal healing. I tried to make this a little bit easier to understand. I think that anyone who chooses to work in a helping profession, is on some level, looking to heal their own self maybe even subconsciously. The helping professions that I worked in were the medical and counseling professions. Maybe I, too, was subconsciously looking to help heal my own self. My dear Sarah used to tell me, “Dana, you can’t give what you don’t have.” What she was saying was that until I have my own trauma dealt with that, I couldn’t help others with theirs. And this has proven to be true. I want to help others so bad because I went through those professions. But my own trauma, after ignoring it for so many years, came along and broke my back. Maybe writing is how I’ll be able to help others. Maybe through speaking I’ll be able to help others. I don’t really know what path my life will take. But which ever way it happens is also one that I’ll embrace to the fullest.

I have worked with the homeless and addiction communities enough to know that that is where I belong. I have been blessed with the ability to see people for who they are and allow them to be individuals no matter what that may look like. I have seen and worked in some areas of lives and the country that would make some people shiver in fear. I never look down my nose at anyone because I understand where I’ve also been and the struggles within my own life. I have been, at times, unable to care for myself and smelling like last week’s garbage because I wasn’t able to muster the energy to get out of bed and take a shower. I have also been so caught up in addiction that my arm, legs and ankles were at the other end of a needle.

Most people see me as a fun-loving comedian that’s easy to be around. What they don’t see are the constant struggles of holding onto life just to make it another day. I’m so incredibly grateful to have had Sarah in my life for 15 years. The wisdom she shared with me and lessons she taught me are sometimes the only thing that seem to get me through the day.

Coach stepped in at a time when the term “struggle” was putting it mildly. She has also seen me fighting and struggling for the next minute. I now learn from her. The universe has made it possible and directed me, almost 4 years ago, in her direction. I am now her student and one day I hope to be seen as a “Wounded Healer.”
#thispuzzledlife