Operation: Irish Extraction  The Great Leprechaun Capture Mission

“If you hear screaming, it’s either a leprechaun or me realizing my cats have a plan.”

-This Puzzled Life

Light the candles. Hide the valuables. Say a prayer for the drywall. Today’s blog begins with a level of chaos I did NOT sign up for. My three cats launching a full‑scale military operation to capture a leprechaun, and I am simply a bystander in my own home. And they are treating it like a joint military operation, a church potluck, and a felony all at once. And that’s when I knew this day was going to require caffeine, prayer, and possibly legal representation. Welcome to St. Cat‑rick’s Day: Chaos Edition.

I walked into the living room this morning and found all three cats sitting in a circle like they were planning a coup. Piper had a shoelace. Coco had a clipboard she definitely stole. Tinkerbell had reading glasses on, which is concerning because she does not need reading glasses.

Tinkerbell: “Ladies, today we hunt for gold.” 

Coco: “And possibly a small magical man.” 

Piper: “Can I bite him?”

Tinkerbell: “This meeting is now in session. Our objective? Capture a leprechaun.”

Coco: “Alive. Preferably. But we’ll see how the day goes.”

Piper: “Can I eat him?”

Tinkerbell: “No. We do not eat magical creatures.”

Piper: “Then what’s the point?”

Piper jumped onto the coffee table, knocking over a candle and three of my remaining brain cells. She unrolled a crumpled piece of paper with her teeth. It was a drawing. A terrible one.

Piper’s Plan was to dig hole. Put leaf on hole. Wait. Bite ankles.

Coco: “That’s not a plan. That’s a felony.”

Piper: “It’s called strategy.”

Tinkerbell: “It’s called jail time.”

Coco strutted forward like she was presenting at a Fortune 500 shareholders meeting. She clicked a laser pointer at a diagram labeled: 

“OPERATION: IRISH EXTRACTION”

Coco’s Plan was to Lure leprechaun with Lucky Charms. Replace marshmallows with catnip. When he gets high enough to see God, we take the gold.

Tinkerbell: “Coco, that’s entrapment.”

Coco: “Correct.”

Tinkerbell cleared her throat like a professor about to ruin everyone’s day.

Tinkerbell’s Plan was to negotiate. Offer him a fair trade. If he refuses, unleash Piper.

Piper: “I bite ankles.”

Tinkerbell: “Exactly.”

After 45 minutes of scheming, Coco suddenly froze.

Coco: “Wait. How big is a leprechaun?”

Tinkerbell: “Small. Human‑shaped. Magical.”

Piper: “So, snack‑sized?”

Coco: “No, Piper. Focus. If he’s human shaped, that means he has thumbs.”

All three cats gasped.

Tinkerbell: “Thumbs… the forbidden fruit.”

Coco: “We can’t defeat a creature with thumbs. He can open doors.”

Piper: “He can open the treat bag.”

The room fell silent. This was now a national emergency.

Tinkerbell: “We don’t capture the leprechaun. We hire him.”

Coco: “As our butler.”

Piper: “Treat butler.”

Tinkerbell: “Exactly. We offer him a job in exchange for his gold and his thumbs.”

Coco: “And if he refuses…”

Piper: “I bite ankles.”

My cats are not catching a leprechaun. They are unionizing to recruit one. And honestly I’m afraid they might succeed. That, dear readers, is how I discovered my cats were running an unsanctioned military operation in my living room. I’m just over here trying to drink my coffee while Piper drafts war strategies in crayon. Coco files paperwork with an authority she absolutely does not have. And Tinkerbell sighs like she’s the only adult in a daycare full of feral toddlers.

If you think this story ends here, bless your heart. Because the leprechaun hasn’t even shown up yet. And when he does oh, honey. Part Two is coming, and it’s about to get louder, greener, and significantly more illegal. Stay tuned because the chaos is just stretching.

Affirmation: I am calm, even when my cats declare war on magical creatures.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

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The Day My Cats Politely Invited Chuckles Schumer & Hakeem Jeffries to Go Sit Down Somewhere

“My cats said they’re not being dramatic. They’re simply providing live‑action accountability theatre, and honestly I believe them.”

-This Puzzled Life

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Let the ancestors pull up a folding chair and witness this foolishness with us. Because today? Oh, today my cats have decided democracy needs a tune‑up, a talking‑to, and possibly a timeout. 

 I woke up this morning thinking I was going to drink my coffee in peace, maybe stare out the window like a Victorian widow waiting on a ship that ain’t coming. But no. My cats had other plans. These furry little Mississippi revolutionaries marched into my kitchen like they were about to brief the United Nations. Tails high, whiskers twitching, and a level of determination usually reserved for toddlers with markers.

I was minding my business when my cats, Piper, Coco, and Tinkerbell, held what they called an emergency household caucus.” Before I could even say “who knocked over the sweet tea,” they announced they had business with the corporate Democrats. That’s when I knew my day was already off the rails.

Piper strutted in first, tail high, wearing the expression of a cat who has read too many think pieces and is now dangerous. Coco followed, dragging a legal pad like she was preparing to depose somebody. Tinkerbell brought snacks because she believes all political action should include refreshments.

They hopped on the kitchen table like they were about to brief the press.

Piper began by saying, “Mother,” “we have concerns about the corporate Democrats.” Now, I don’t know who taught my cats the phrase corporate Democrats, but I suspect it was the ancestors. They stay whispering through these animals.

Coco cleared her throat. “We, the Feline Coalition for Chaos and Accountability, would like to formally request that Chuckles Schumer and Hakeem Jeffries step down from leadership.”

I blinked. “Step down? Why?”

Tinkerbell raised a paw like she was in Sunday school. “Because, Mother, they keep giving speeches that sound like they were written by a committee of tired interns and a malfunctioning printer. We deserve leadership with claws.”

Piper nodded vigorously. “Also, Chuckles keeps doing that thing where he smiles like he’s about to announce a sale on orthopedic shoes. It’s unsettling.”

Coco flipped her legal pad open. “And Hakeem Jeffries keeps delivering those alphabetized speeches like he’s auditioning for a Sesame Street reboot. We respect the craft, but the vibes are off.” I tried to reason with them. “Y’all can’t just tell national leaders to step down.”

Piper: “Why not? They tell everybody else what to do.”

Coco: “We’re simply offering them the opportunity to rest. They look tired. They look like they need a sabbatical and a weighted blanket.”

Tinkerbell: “And a casserole. They need a casserole.”

Then Piper hopped onto the counter, puffed her chest out, and declared, “We propose a new era of leadership, The Cat Majority.” Coco added, “We will govern with transparency, accountability, and snacks.” Tinkerbell chimed in, “And naps. Mandatory naps.”

At this point, the ancestors were laughing so hard I could feel the floorboards vibrating. The cats drafted a letter paw‑printed, of course, inviting Chuckles and Hakeem to “step aside gracefully and go enjoy a nice porch swing somewhere.” They even offered to send them home with a starter pack that consists of  a quilt, a jar of pickles, and a coupon for a free cat cuddle.

“Mother,” Piper said, “we’re not trying to be rude. We’re trying to be helpful.” Coco nodded. “Sometimes leadership means knowing when to pass the laser pointer.”

These cats stay teaching boundary wisdom. So, if you hear rumors that three Mississippi cats have launched a political action committee dedicated to refreshing Democratic leadership, just know that I tried to stop them. I really did. And they personally asked me to leave you with this, “May your leaders be bold, your snacks be plentiful, and your naps be protected by law.”

And that’s how I found myself standing in my own kitchen, barefoot, holding a biscuit, watching my cats draft a politely chaotic memo encouraging national leaders to go sit down somewhere and rest their spirits. I didn’t approve it, but I also didn’t stop it. Because honestly? Once the Feline Caucus for Accountability gets rolling, even the ancestors step back and say, “Baby, let them handle it.”  

If you hear rustling in the political bushes, don’t worry. It’s just my cats, armed with clipboards, snacks, and the audacity of creatures who sleep 18 hours a day but still think everyone else needs to do better.

In the end, after all the paw‑pointing, clipboard slapping, and snack‑based deliberations, my cats looked me dead in my human face and said, “Mother, sometimes leadership just needs to rotate like a cast‑iron skillet.” Then they sashayed off with tails high, and whiskers smug. And leaving me standing in my own kitchen like a confused extra in a political reboot of The Aristocats. And that’s when it hit me. If three house cats with no jobs, no taxes, and no respect for closed doors can demand accountability with this much confidence, then surely the rest of us can too. And with that, the Feline Caucus adjourned. Mic dropped. Claws retracted. And democracy slightly improved. Thanks for reading! Keep resisting. And ask for a change in leadership.

Affirmation: “Today I move with the confidence of a cat knocking something off the counter. Unbothered, intentional, and fully prepared to blame gravity.”

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

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Merry Christmas From Piper, Coco, And Tink

“You had me at meow.”

-Unknown

Piper: “When’s our next holiday?”

Me: “Funny you should ask. It is called Christmas.”

Piper: “And what happens then?”

Me: “Well, it’s another holiday where we spend time together as a family. Except this time, we leave catnip and treats out for Kitty Claus.”

Piper: “What does Kitty Claus do?”

Me: “He brings toys and snacks to all the cats all over the world.”

Piper: “Whoa! How does he do all of that?”

Me: “Well, Kitty Claus has a sleigh that’s magically powered by catnip. And then while all the cats are sleeping, he comes to where they are and leaves out gifts. And then he goes to the next area. And we leave out snacks with some tuna juice out to make sure he doesn’t get too hungry.”

Piper: “Oh, momma. What a great idea! I just love Kitty Claus.”

Me: “But have you been good this year?”

Piper: “Momma, I have been the best. Coco hasn’t because she’s grouchy and has been smacking me ever since I had my surgery.”

Me:  “Weren’t you around a lot of other animals?”

Piper: “Yes ma’am.”

Me: “When you come home and you smell funny, sometimes it scares other cats. Plus, you were definitely “bobbing and weaving.” And the smell of other animals stays in your fur for a while. And when you come home and start swatting  things in the air that aren’t there it is kind of understandable. Don’t you think? 

Piper: “You mean to tell me that I smell like a dog too?”

Me: “Ummmm….Yes you do!”

Coco: “Hello. I do have my own voice. Let me explain something little feline. I smelled the residue of a thermometer and those horrible dogs on you. Do you want to smell like those things?”

Piper: “Oh. I never want to smell like them. They are definitely the lesser of the animal species. And by the way, I was smelling colors and playing with butterflies.”

Tink: “Yea the ones that were not visible to the rest of us. But it’s ok. We did the same thing after our surgeries. It’s ok, kiddo. Coco is the oldest and, by far, the grouchiest.”

Piper: “I love you two. Ya’ll are the best! You teach me so many things. How are my manners?”

Coco: “There is always room for improvement.”

Tink: “Coming from the one who walks across momma in the mornings always putting her internal organs are risk? And the one who breaks into the tub where the cookies stay, and helps herself to a buffet?”

Me: “Ok girls. That’s enough. Everyone makes mistakes and Piper is still learning. But Coco, that does hurt when you walk across me in the mornings.”

Coco: “When I’m starving, my vision starts to become blurry. So, I need to be able to wake you up to feed me so that it doesn’t become permanent.”

Me: “Coco, you are not losing vision from being hungry. And I do not do things based on your inability to be patient.”

Tink: “Piper, you are doing better.”

Piper: “Thank you, Big Sissy. Momma, can we put out the yummies?”

Me: “Yes we can. And then ya’ll need to go to sleep so that Kitty Claus will bring your gifts.”

Coco: “Fine. But I need more cookies.”

Me: “Ok everyone needs to use the litter box and decide where they want to sleep.”

Tink: “I’m sleeping in front of the heater.”

Coco: “Oh me too.”

Piper: “Oh, I want to sleep in front of the heater too. Momma, come help me. I want to hurry and get into bed so that Kitty Clause brings my toys and snacks. Will you hold me while I go to sleep?”

Me: “The problem with that is that you will never get still. And then you just start chewing on my fingers.”

Piper: “That’s because they’re my binky.”

Me: “Well, don’t use my fingers as your binky. Go use the litter box.”

A few moments later

Piper: “Ok, momma. Wow! It looks great!”

Me: “Ok baby. Let’s go get in the recliner and I’ll hold you for a few minutes.”

Piper: “Yippee! Night big sissies!”

Coco and Tink: “Good night Piper.”

Piper took several minutes to gently lick and then chew my fingers while also being squirmy. I put her on her bed. All of the girls began taking their final baths for the day. And I watched videos on my phone. After several minutes, I looked up to find them all sound asleep. My family finally felt complete. Things get loud and crazy with the boys and the cats. But I smiled and realized, at that very moment, what Christmas was all about. It’s not about how much catnip and treats that you own. It’s about the type of unconditional love that can only come from some humans and all animals. And despite what the world might think, Coco, Tink, and Piper, love me no matter what.

Affirmation: I am worth treats and adoration.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

A Moment With Piper

“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”

-Terry Pratchett

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about what it’s like living with Piper. She is finally coming into her own and getting bigger every day. Check this out!

Piper: “Momma help me!”

Me: “What is the problem, Piper?”

Piper: “Tink bit my butt for no reason!”

Me: “Did you do anything to her?”

Piper: “No! She just bit me for no reason!”

Tink: “Piper you cowabungaed my head!”

Piper: “No I didn’t! Fluff off!” 

Tink: “What did you say? You little feline fluff ball?”

Piper: “I promise! I did nothing wrong!”

Me: “Piper, the collected evidence shows that you, in fact, jumped on Tink’s head without provocation.”

Piper: “Momma, I’m just a little kitty!”

Me: “And you are responsible for your own kitty actions.”

Tink: “Ha! Ha! I told you, you little snack stealer!”

Piper: “Momma said that I was growing and needed more than anyone else.”

Me: “Piper, I did not! Coco, do you care to chime in?”

Coco: “Hear no evil. See no evil. Speak no evil.”

Piper: “Well, that’s what I heard you say.”

Me: “When, ma’am?”

Piper: “The other night when I was asleep.”

Me: “Piper, that must’ve been while you were dreaming.”

Piper: “Well, you still said it no matter if I was awake or asleep.”

Me: “Piper, you must share your snacks just like you want me to share everything that I eat.”

Piper: “Well, I’m just curious and want to know what you’re eating?”

Me: “By jumping on me and into my plate?”

Piper: “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

Thanks for reading! Life with my girls is full of laughs and love. They are my family. Keep moving forward and always spay and neuter you pets.

Affirmation: I deserve every snack and piece of food that I find.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

Hide-And-Seek Troubles Again!

“Cats have nine lives-three for playing, three for straying, and three for staying.”

-English Proverb

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about the continued struggles with my cats and playing “hide-and-seek” troubles.

I had hope when Piper joined our family that the remedial work would be successful. However, my girls will probably always be deficient in this area of their lives. I will now show you some of their efforts trying to change their ways. Sadly, they are still coming up short.

Thanks for reading. And keep me and the girls in your thoughts and prayers as we are always looking for solutions to this cat-tastrophy.

Affirmation: You are beautiful. It’s a good day to be a cat.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

Coco and Scrapbooking/Bob The Sled

Me: “Coco?”

Coco: “What?!”

Me: “Why are you ignoring me?”

Coco: “Because you tell us if we can’t say anything nice. Don’t say anything at all.  So, I’m not saying anything.”

Me: “Coco what are you doing?”

Coco: “Scrapbooking.”

Me: “No you’re not.”

Coco: “Yes I am.”

Me: “Coco, you are laying in a box taking a nap. On top of the scrapbook cart. And you are talking to me.”

Coco: “Ok well the box is what I call scrapbooking. And…..”

Me: “And what?”

Coco: “And sometimes I talk in my sleep.”

Bob The Sled

Coco: “Bob, fire this fiesty little bobsled up and let’s take her for a spin.”

Bob: “First of all my name isn’t Bob. Secondly, this is a scrapbook supplies cart. And thirdly, if you jump on me again I’m going to collapse.”

Coco: “Ummm… Bob-the-scrapbook cart-sled-And the home of the brave. Cock-a-doodle-doo!!!! ”

Me:  “My cats are cray, cray. And now my scrapbook cart is talking to me.”

Thank you for reading. Subscribe to this blog and never miss a post.

#Thispuzzledlife

Coco And Ms Beans

This is a story I wrote about Coco and her mean school teacher, Ms. Beans.

Ewww that mean old teacher named Ms Beans. That wasn’t her real name. That was just a nickname we called her because she would “crop dust” the whole class. We all started gagging the longer it was alive. Why?! Because she would close the door taking away what little ventilation we were getting.  But I would always tell her that I had a hairball condition when she would ask me why I was gagging. We couldn’t exactly raise our paws and say, ”Ms Fart I’ve got a question.” So me and my classmates just called her ms beans.

Actual name is Truffles the Cat

You know I heard that they found her dead in her litter box due to an explosion. May her mean ass be comforted and corrected by tha Jesus.  If not, may tha Jesus kick her out of heaven and send with her a bottle of water and suntan lotion to the red light in the ground.

#Thispuzzledlife

Our Pets And Halloween Costumes

“Pawsitively bewitched by my furry friend’s cuteness.”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about not forgetting our pets on Halloween. They secretly despise you for the costumes that you pick out. All they wanted was to be a part of the family. And they had no idea that they would be subject to such cruelty. Poor them. I don’t find any of that cruelty. I love seeing our pets dressed up as almost anything. Here are a few of these pets and their personal opinions concerning Halloween costumes. See if you agree. In

 Snoop Dogg

“Fo shizzle my nizzle.”

Colin Oscopy

“Dr Patio Furniture ER Stat!”

Charlie

“A cow?! With utters?! I’m eating the couch pillows when we get home.”

Pudding

“Seriously? I have my head in a hamburger right now?!”

Sister Mary Clarence

“May God forgive you for your sin of dressing me up as a nun.”

Wendy

“How do you live with yourself?”

Jess Kidding

“Let me tell you all the reasons why I hate you.”

Nico Time

“What in the absolute Hell have you done?!”

Cheetolini

“You should go to prison!”

“The Angry Yam”

“You should go to prison twice!”

Power Serge

“A Beanie Baby?! Please tell me it isn’t so.”

Capital Splatter

“I AM CHUCKY!”

Perv Griffins

“This is your fetish! Not mine!”

Rocky and Apollo

“We are calling the ASPCA!”

Thanks for reading! Happy Halloween to you and your pets. Happy Haunting!

Affirmation: I am worthy despite my owner/owners ideas about costumes.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

What Does That Say?

“If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that’s a full day. That’s a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you’re going to have something special.”

-Jim Valvano

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to provide a little bit of laughter. I have always enjoyed laughing even in the worst of times. And honestly, most people never have a clue what I face every day.

I first saw this type of humor several years ago on the Ellen Degeneres Show. And I absolutely loved it! So, I set out looking on the internet for some of the funniest signs that people post. Enjoy these!

“No worries. I will have mine tucked and secured.”

“Apparently, I was unaware of this trend.”

“At least Sherrill warns you. Thanks for the heads up.”

“Truly, I have never seen a free roaming tree.”

“Why wasn’t I aware that chickens had become so angry?”

“Ummm..I think they misspelled things you grow in a garden.”

“Where was Fox News when the world was told that elephants are now driving?!”

“Ok. Why do we need this sign? Really?! Who’s going around molesting alligators? Next on Dateline’s To Catch A Predator, we will talk to Roger who spends his days and night grooming alligators for lustful purposes.”

“Kevin you told me you didn’t have warrants!”

“Hmmmmm.”

“Thanks but I’ve never had that compulsion.”

“Nope. Not in my pooper.”

“That Must be how Willie Nelson made it to 90.”

“No comment.”

“I can’t either.”

I hope you’ve enjoyed some laughs as I have. If you are capable of being a literal thinker, life becomes so much fun. Stay safe!

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

Laughing Rainbows

“It takes more than a sign, a fabulous outfit or a month of parades. Pride has to resonate from within; shine out to everyone around you. It has to mean something to you  before you announce it to the world.”

-Solange Nicole

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. As we continue to celebrate Pride, I want to highlight some of my favorite gay celebrity comedians. There is nothing like good humor. It has been one of the top factors for how I survived a life of abuse. Comedy can be raunchy. However, I respect humor in any way that I can find it. And I really love being able to laugh at myself.

I have several personal favorite “out and proud” lesbian comedians. These include Wanda Sykes, Ellen, DeGeneres, Kate McKinnon, Fortune Feimster, Margaret Cho, Jessica Kirson, Tig Notaro and Mae Martin. There are many more lesbian comedians. These are just a few of my favorites. And the lesbian comedic icons Wanda Sykes and Ellen DeGeneres, in my eyes, are considered legends in the game.

Kate McKinnon has grown her gift of comedy, becoming a big presence on Saturday Night Live. And she is truly gifted. It doesn’t take long once you begin watching her to realize that she’s truly gifted. Jessica Kirson is a comedian that I saw for the first time on YouTube. Her style is doing crowd work. It is a style of comedy that engages with and interacts directly with the audience. It isn’t a set routine.

Two of my favorite southern lesbian comedians are Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. These two ladies are truly hilarious. They both incorporate some of the funny things from the southern way of life. Tig Notaro is from my home state of Mississippi. And Fortune Feimster is from South Carolina. You can tell through their comedy that they understand what it’s like being gay in the south. So, when I struggle with my southern reality, I find these guys somewhere on the internet and let the stress melt away. And first thing in the morning, I fix my cup of coffee and turn on the podcast with Tig, Fortune and Mae. The podcast is called “Handsome.” And I promise these guys, for the most part, keep it clean and hilarious. And it helps to wash away my morning grumpiness.

My favorite gay male comedian is Matt Mathews. Another individual from the south that owns his craft. He is hysterically funny! His material is typically offensive to most conservative thinkers. But to make no mistake his material is some of the best in my book. The audience is always roaring with laughter. He’s just beginning to get the recognition that he deserves.

Check out some of these comedians if you’re in the mood for some good laughs. Or when you’re not in the mood for laughs. Maybe it will be the pickup that you need for your day to continue. I used a few clips of Fortune Feimster in my blog this month about my personal “coming out “story. Thanks for reading! Subscribe to my blog and you’ll never miss another post. Keep smiling!

Affirmation: My laughter heals me even if I’m laughing at myself

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife