The Girls And Their New Year’s “Revolutions”

“Every day is Caturday.”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to tell you about what the girls have decided that their new year’s resolutions will be. 

Copeland asked me one day, “Momma what are Coco, Tink and Piper’s new year’s revolutions?” Not really paying attention I asked, “What did you say?” He repeated, “What are Tink, Coco, and Piper’s New Year’s “Revolutions?” I start giggling. He said, “Why are you laughing?” I told him, “Baby boy, that’s New Year’s Resolutions not Revolutions.” To which he replied, “Can you please find out?” So, this story is my quest for answers.

Me: “Girls! Come here, please!”

Piper: “Coming momma!”

Coco: “Me too!”

Tink: “Me three!”

The sound of the jingling of the bell on their collars is always anticipated

  Me: “Thank you, girls. So, brother Copeland wants me to ask you a question. He wants to know what your New Year’s “Revolutions” are?

Piper: “What’s that?”

Coco: “Momma, my revolutions are around the snack cart only?”

Tink:  “You’re a dork. Momma, could you explain to me what that is?”

Me: “Well, it’s what you want to challenge yourself to do for the New Year.”

Coco: “That’s easy. I want to seize control over the world’s supply of catnip.”

Tink: “I want to learn how to fly and be a bird.”

Coco: “Omg! Was that a serious answer?”

Tink: “Hush it grumpy.”

Me: “Ok, Piper it’s your turn. Piper get still and be serious!”

Piper: “But momma, I’m just playing with the leftover bows and wrapping paper.”

Me: “You can do that in a minute. Your little brother wanted me to ask you about what you want to change for the new year. It’s called a New Year’s Resolution.”

Piper: “I want to enter an American Ninja Warrior competition.”

Me: “Piper, you’re too young.”

Piper: “Ummmm, ok. Well, how about taking more selfies?”

Me: “Let’s just say that maybe working on manners. And why do you want to take more selfies?”

Piper: “Because people think I’m cute!”

Me: “Fair enough little girl. Coco, do you have another resolution?”

Coco: “More catnip.”

Me: “Really? Like you couldn’t come up with another one?”

Coco: “I just do not want to be bothered and have my own personal supply of cookies, catnip, and lizards. You know I’m pretty much a professional at catching lizards.”

Me: “Yes. But only if you’re the only one in the room.”

Piper: “Yea, Coco. You need to share your lizards.”

Tink: “Momma, what are your New Year’s Resolutions?”

Me: “Probably, just authoring more stories about you all. I would also like to spend more time with your brothers. And I have a big surprise for this year.”

Coco, Tink and Piper: “Oh we like surprises. What is it?”

Me: “Well, it’s a surprise.”

Coco: “Momma, you can’t tell us that you have a surprise and then not tell us. It’s against the rules.”

Me: “Rules of what?”

Coco: “Well, I do live in the United States of Coco. And in the cat bible of instructions it’s specifically states, “You are not allowed to speak of surprises and not instantly tell us what it is. And that is found in 1 Coco 24:7.”

Me: “Big problem. I’m not a cat.”

Coco: “That’s right. I feel sorry for you. Because cats are the highest beings on earth.”

Me: “Have you ever seen me on 420? Because I would put that statement to the test. Ok. Does anyone have something else they need to say in this family meeting?”

Tink: “Well, momma, I would like to bite the big orange turd in the White House directly in his swollen cankles.”

Me: “I think most people in our country could agree on that. For right now though, let’s just work on becoming an even happier family.”

Piper: “But what about my brothers?”

Me:  “Baby, your brothers will always be a part of our family.”

Affirmation: There is no one else in the world I would rather be.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

Merry Christmas From Piper, Coco, And Tink

“You had me at meow.”

-Unknown

Piper: “When’s our next holiday?”

Me: “Funny you should ask. It is called Christmas.”

Piper: “And what happens then?”

Me: “Well, it’s another holiday where we spend time together as a family. Except this time, we leave catnip and treats out for Kitty Claus.”

Piper: “What does Kitty Claus do?”

Me: “He brings toys and snacks to all the cats all over the world.”

Piper: “Whoa! How does he do all of that?”

Me: “Well, Kitty Claus has a sleigh that’s magically powered by catnip. And then while all the cats are sleeping, he comes to where they are and leaves out gifts. And then he goes to the next area. And we leave out snacks with some tuna juice out to make sure he doesn’t get too hungry.”

Piper: “Oh, momma. What a great idea! I just love Kitty Claus.”

Me: “But have you been good this year?”

Piper: “Momma, I have been the best. Coco hasn’t because she’s grouchy and has been smacking me ever since I had my surgery.”

Me:  “Weren’t you around a lot of other animals?”

Piper: “Yes ma’am.”

Me: “When you come home and you smell funny, sometimes it scares other cats. Plus, you were definitely “bobbing and weaving.” And the smell of other animals stays in your fur for a while. And when you come home and start swatting  things in the air that aren’t there it is kind of understandable. Don’t you think? 

Piper: “You mean to tell me that I smell like a dog too?”

Me: “Ummmm….Yes you do!”

Coco: “Hello. I do have my own voice. Let me explain something little feline. I smelled the residue of a thermometer and those horrible dogs on you. Do you want to smell like those things?”

Piper: “Oh. I never want to smell like them. They are definitely the lesser of the animal species. And by the way, I was smelling colors and playing with butterflies.”

Tink: “Yea the ones that were not visible to the rest of us. But it’s ok. We did the same thing after our surgeries. It’s ok, kiddo. Coco is the oldest and, by far, the grouchiest.”

Piper: “I love you two. Ya’ll are the best! You teach me so many things. How are my manners?”

Coco: “There is always room for improvement.”

Tink: “Coming from the one who walks across momma in the mornings always putting her internal organs are risk? And the one who breaks into the tub where the cookies stay, and helps herself to a buffet?”

Me: “Ok girls. That’s enough. Everyone makes mistakes and Piper is still learning. But Coco, that does hurt when you walk across me in the mornings.”

Coco: “When I’m starving, my vision starts to become blurry. So, I need to be able to wake you up to feed me so that it doesn’t become permanent.”

Me: “Coco, you are not losing vision from being hungry. And I do not do things based on your inability to be patient.”

Tink: “Piper, you are doing better.”

Piper: “Thank you, Big Sissy. Momma, can we put out the yummies?”

Me: “Yes we can. And then ya’ll need to go to sleep so that Kitty Claus will bring your gifts.”

Coco: “Fine. But I need more cookies.”

Me: “Ok everyone needs to use the litter box and decide where they want to sleep.”

Tink: “I’m sleeping in front of the heater.”

Coco: “Oh me too.”

Piper: “Oh, I want to sleep in front of the heater too. Momma, come help me. I want to hurry and get into bed so that Kitty Clause brings my toys and snacks. Will you hold me while I go to sleep?”

Me: “The problem with that is that you will never get still. And then you just start chewing on my fingers.”

Piper: “That’s because they’re my binky.”

Me: “Well, don’t use my fingers as your binky. Go use the litter box.”

A few moments later

Piper: “Ok, momma. Wow! It looks great!”

Me: “Ok baby. Let’s go get in the recliner and I’ll hold you for a few minutes.”

Piper: “Yippee! Night big sissies!”

Coco and Tink: “Good night Piper.”

Piper took several minutes to gently lick and then chew my fingers while also being squirmy. I put her on her bed. All of the girls began taking their final baths for the day. And I watched videos on my phone. After several minutes, I looked up to find them all sound asleep. My family finally felt complete. Things get loud and crazy with the boys and the cats. But I smiled and realized, at that very moment, what Christmas was all about. It’s not about how much catnip and treats that you own. It’s about the type of unconditional love that can only come from some humans and all animals. And despite what the world might think, Coco, Tink, and Piper, love me no matter what.

Affirmation: I am worth treats and adoration.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs

“That is what I call open, honest and direct communication.”
“Where in the world do random cows fall off cliffs?”

“Really?! They needed a sign to remind E.T. to buckle up?”

“Seriously? Why are you advertising this? Are there that many people who want to join?”

“Apparently, the Mississippi state bird has been busy.”

“What is it with alligators?! They don’t need mushrooms. They need weed to help with that aggression.

“Thanks for the warning!”

“So does this mean what if you go down the ramp in a scooter you would be safe? Gators be like, “Can’t eat them, it’s not a wheelchair.”

“Umm why can’t I breathe under the water?”

“Ha! I’ll be on the lookout for invisible cows.”

I can’t decide if the octopus wants to continue playing or needs my help. It’s looking at me. But i have no idea what it’s trying to say.”

“Aw man! There goes my fun time at the festival. Who does this?!”

“I need to put this on my front door for when the boys come to visit.”

“Ok right before I die, I’ll do that.”

“Ok well that’s the most visible, non-working sign I’ve ever seen.”

“I’m not sure why that animal attacks vehicles at random. But I do know that it needs to go out on some pants. Mr Animal I see your too-lo-li.”

“Some of the best comedy available.”

“Best caption ever!”

“Most Accurate Sign Of The Year!”

I hope you’ve enjoyed some laughs like I have. Sometimes you have to take timeout to laugh. Thanks for reading! And please share with a friend.

Affirmation: I allow myself to laugh often and without guilt.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

Piper’s Spay Day

“A happy arrangement: many people prefer cats to other people and many cats prefer people to other cats.”

 -Mason Cooley

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to tell you about a situation that occurred. And, well, it was concerning the specific moment when I had to tell Piper that she was going to get spayed.

Me: “Piper!”

Piper: “Coming momma!”

Me: “What were you three doing?”

Piper: “I had just jumped on Tink’s back and was biting her head. And she was getting mad at me.”

Me: “Well, I need to talk to you about something?”

Coco: “Me and Tink are on the way, momma.”

Me: “Well, it might be good to have you here for support.”

Tink: “Uh-oh. Is everything ok?”

Piper: “What’s the matter momma?”

Me: “Well, when you get to be a certain age you need to have a surgery.”

Tink: “Oh yes! Snip, snip little girl.”

Coco: “Snip! Snip! And it’s going to hurt really bad.”

Me: “Tink! Coco! Ya’ll stop. You’re going to scare her.”

(Piper begins sobbing)

Piper: “Momma, why do you want to make me hurt?”

Me: “Coco and Tink, why did you say that?”

Piper: “Momma, I’m scared!”

Me: “Look, calm down a second. When you get to be a certain age, you must have a surgery to remove your kitten maker.”

Coco: “Snip! Snip!”

Me: “Coco, stop it! Piper, they give you some medicine to make you go to sleep so that you don’t even know that it’s going on.”

Piper: “But momma. What if I wanted to be a momma one day?”

Me: “Piper let me explain something to you. Momma cats don’t just have one kitten. If they had just one, you could have a kitten, and it could live with us. Momma cats have anywhere from 8-12 babies at a time. And we wouldn’t able to keep them. It would be harder on you if I took your babies away from you after you had already bonded with them.”

Piper: “So you’re not doing this to be mean to me?”

Me: “No baby. Tink and Coco did the same thing. And it helps keep you healthier the older you get. If you had a lot of babies and we couldn’t find homes for them all, we would have to take them to the shelter. And there are already too many puppies and kittens who have to do that. I’m just trying to make it easier on you and all of us by doing this. Think about it. If you had 8 kittens. Coco had 8 kittens. And Tink had 8 kittens. What would we have?”

Piper: “A crowd?”

Me: “Yes. And I wouldn’t be able to care for that many.”

Piper: “Ok. Well, I don’t want to be a momma cat to that many babies. But I’m still scared.”

Me: “I know you are. But I will go with you.”

Piper: “You promise?”

Me: “Unless, of course, you know how to drive a vehicle.”

Piper: “No way.”

Me: “I promise you might be a little scared. But you will be fine. And I will go get you whenever they say that you’re safe to come back home. And then we can cuddle, ok?”

Piper: “Ok. Please don’t forget about me.”

Me: “Don’t worry. Me and your sisters would never forget about you.”

Tink: “Piper, we were just messing with you. You will be fine. If you get scared, just ask “tha Jesus” to make you not scared.”

Coco: “Yea, kid. We were just playing with you. I was a little sleepy and sore afterwards. But the doctors will give you some medicine to make you not hurt but just a little bit.”

Piper: “Will you and Tink go with me?”

Coco: “Heck no!”

Piper: “Why not?”

Tink: “Because they take your temperature.”

Piper: “What does that mean?”

Me: “They just want to make sure that you don’t have a fever which would mean that you were sick.”

Piper: “Ok. Well, that doesn’t seem bad.”

(Coco now mumbling)

Coco: “That’s what you think.”

Piper: “What?”

 Me: “Coco hush up. Piper, you will be fine.”

Piper: “Ok. Thank ya’ll for explaining things. I feel better. I love you big sissies.”

Coco and Tink: “We love you too, Piper.”

I’m writing this the day after Piper’s surgery. She did fine. And when I picked her up from the vet, except for the fact that she was still a little bit woozy and moving around like she had eaten an entire container of cannabis edibles, she did extremely well. Piper and Tink hissed at her for the next four hours because she and her carrier smelled like Noah’s ark from being around so many other animals, I am currently writing with two of them in my lap. Remember to always spay and neuter your animals. Thanks for reading!

Affirmation: I know when to curl up for a good nap

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

Piper’s First Holiday Season

“What greater gift than the love of a cat?”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. This holiday season is Piper’s first. And I have never seen her so happy. She has played so hard with big sisters Coco and Tinkerbell. And I actually saw Coco, the self-assigned mayor of my house, grooming Piper so much that  now Piper will randomly walk over to her and put her head down for a little touch up throughout the day. And she is very inquisitive about everything. Check out this conversation!

Piper: “Momma?”

Me: “Yes Piper.”

Piper: “I have so much fun when my brothers come to visit.”

Me: “I know. I do too.”

(I could see the wheels in her little feline brain turning.)

Piper: “Momma, do you know what my favorite time is?”

Me: “Tell me.”

Piper: “It’s when they go home. Those are the best naps ever.”

Me: “Well, little miss you better find some energy because it’s holiday season.”

Piper: “What was it called when we had food all day long?”

Me: “Ummmm…420?”

Piper: “What is that?”

Me: “That’s when we celebrate my “stinky” medicine.”

Piper: “No. It was not long ago.”

Me: “Thanksgiving?”

Piper: “What does that mean?”

Me: “Well, it’s supposed to be about giving thanks for blessings in your life. And spending time with family.”

Piper: “Well, I spent lots of time with my family.”

Me: “ We all love you too. And you were perfect for our family.”

Piper:  “I’m thankful that I survived. And I now have my very own family.”

Me: “Awe, we love you too, Piper.”

Piper: “Yummy! What is that?”

Me: “Piper you can’t jump into my plate!!!”

Piper: “Why not? I just want to see it. Smell it. And lick it.”

Me: “Ma’am, you must learn some manners.”

Piper: “But it smells so good. And it makes me hungry.”

Me: “Piper, people do not like cats who are overly nosy especially when their eating.”

Piper: “But I’m just a baby kitty.”

Me: “Stop being cute, right now!”

Piper: “But momma, I can’t help it.”

Me: “I will give you a bite. But you have to wait until I’m ready.”

(Approximately 30 seconds goes by and she starts swatting at my hand.)

Me: “Piper stop trying to grab my food! and stay out of my drink!

Piper: “I’m trying to do Thanksgiving.”

Me: “Coco, Tink, come get your sister!”

(I soon hear jingling bells alerting me to there whereabouts.)

Coco: “On my way momma!”

Tink: “Me too!”

(They come running and gasp when they see me.)

Tink: “Piper, No!!!!”

Coco: “Holy Catnip! What are you doing?!”

Piper: “I just want a bite.”

Coco: “Get down here, Piper!”

Piper: “What now?!”

Coco: “First come here. Your catlick is all messed up.”

(Coco begins grooming Piper.)

Tink: “Piper, you cannot do that! Never ever jump in momma’s  plate. She will give you a bite. But you can’t rush her because she’ll go crazy. Do you want to be sprayed with the water bottle?”

Piper: “Heck No!”

Tink: “Yea. We don’t like it either. We just stop doing what got us sprayed.”

Piper: “Oh ok. I’m just hungry.”

Tink: “If you stop, and sit there quiet like you’re supposed to that’s called manners.”

Piper: “Wow! How do you know all of that?”

Coco: “Because we were kittens once too.”

Piper: “I’m so glad you guys are my family. Who else would give me baths?”

Coco and Tink: “We love you too.”

Coco: “We just want you to grow up and be a successful grown cat like we are.”

Piper: “Happy Holidays, big sissies!”

Coco and Tink: “Happy Holidays and catnip dreams to you Piper!”

Affirmation: I will not hesitate to ask for what I need.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

Piper Attempts Playing Hide-And-Seek

“Time spent with cats is never squandered, it’s ‘purr’fect!”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. I’ve told you how bad my girls are at playing hide-and-seek. And Piper is no different. Apparently, she and her sisters have  been discussing how to play the game. Piper was so excited to show me what she had learned. I held my breath and prepared for the negative impact. And well….she might also have deficits in this area of her life. Read our conversation and draw your own conclusion on the future of my cats and their abilities to play a commonly played childhood game known as Hide-And-Seek. I am busy writing, and I overhear the girls talking about playing the game. So, I listen closer. Check out this interaction.

Coco: “Here let me show you what I’m talking about. Always remember, if you can’t see them, they can’t see you.”

Tink: “Yea. It’s pretty easy when you get the hang of it. I don’t know why momma got us a tutor.”

(The girls show Piper their version of the game.)

Piper: “Oh yes! I’ve got it now. But momma always tells me that I’m wrong.”

Coco: “Piper, one thing you have to understand is that we allow momma to think she’s right. But we do our own thing anyway. Except when she says, “TREAT OR COOKIE.” Then, we just act insanely happy and meow as much and as loud as you can. Those are the rules.”

Tink: “You have to train momma. She brings me my treats, or she throws them to me. And it’s really fun when she puts them all over the house for us to find. Then we show her who are the real stars of the game. It’s not about what’s true. It’s all about what is perceived.”

Piper: “Wow! Did momma teach you that?”

Tink: “No, the president did.”

Me: “Hold up girls! What are you talking about?”

Coco: “We were just teaching Piper how to play hide-and-seek.”

Me: “But ya’ll don’t even know how to hide appropriately.”

Coco: “Well, we are working with a tutor.”

Me: “True you are. But I think we need someone who will push you harder.”

Piper: “But I’m learning how to play.”

Me: “Ok. Show me what you’ve got.”

(They form a huddle and talk in private.)

Coco: “Ok. Ready. Break! Momma start counting.”

They all take off looking for the perfect hiding spot.

Me: “7…8…9…10! Ready or not, here I come!”

Everything is eerily quiet.

Coco:

 Tink:

 Piper:

Me: “I found all of you!”

Coco: “Piper, run like you stole something!”

Tink: “I concede to defeat.”

Me: “Really Tink?! Why?”

Tink: “Because I want to take a nap now.”

Piper: “I made it back to the base. Do we get a cookie now?

Coco: “Cookies? Who said, “Cookies? Meow! Meow!”

Piper: “Meow! Meow! Meow!”

Me: “Girls, that doesn’t mean that you get treats!”

Coco and Piper: “Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow!”

Me: “Girls, hush!”

Coco and Piper: “Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow!”

Me: “Ok! Ok! Just hush!”

Coco: “See, you play the game just like that, Piper. Everyone is a winner!”

Tink: “Momma, please bring me my treats!”

Me: “Fine just be quiet.”

Coco: “Winner. Winner. Chicken cookie dinner!”

As you can see, the girls have their own agenda. And please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we try to survive as a family. Thanks for reading!

Affirmation: I am the queen of the snack jar.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

A Moment With Piper

“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”

-Terry Pratchett

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about what it’s like living with Piper. She is finally coming into her own and getting bigger every day. Check this out!

Piper: “Momma help me!”

Me: “What is the problem, Piper?”

Piper: “Tink bit my butt for no reason!”

Me: “Did you do anything to her?”

Piper: “No! She just bit me for no reason!”

Tink: “Piper you cowabungaed my head!”

Piper: “No I didn’t! Fluff off!” 

Tink: “What did you say? You little feline fluff ball?”

Piper: “I promise! I did nothing wrong!”

Me: “Piper, the collected evidence shows that you, in fact, jumped on Tink’s head without provocation.”

Piper: “Momma, I’m just a little kitty!”

Me: “And you are responsible for your own kitty actions.”

Tink: “Ha! Ha! I told you, you little snack stealer!”

Piper: “Momma said that I was growing and needed more than anyone else.”

Me: “Piper, I did not! Coco, do you care to chime in?”

Coco: “Hear no evil. See no evil. Speak no evil.”

Piper: “Well, that’s what I heard you say.”

Me: “When, ma’am?”

Piper: “The other night when I was asleep.”

Me: “Piper, that must’ve been while you were dreaming.”

Piper: “Well, you still said it no matter if I was awake or asleep.”

Me: “Piper, you must share your snacks just like you want me to share everything that I eat.”

Piper: “Well, I’m just curious and want to know what you’re eating?”

Me: “By jumping on me and into my plate?”

Piper: “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

Thanks for reading! Life with my girls is full of laughs and love. They are my family. Keep moving forward and always spay and neuter you pets.

Affirmation: I deserve every snack and piece of food that I find.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

The Girls And The Lizard

The following is a situation that led to Coco growling for the first time ever. She wanted to let her inner mountain lion loose. But all she was able to do was squeak like a mouse.  Tink also tried and was only able to connect with a very light meow.  “We just don’t feel safe with them as protectors.”

They didn’t even try to save me from one tiny moth.  The best that either of them could do was look at it. No warning, no gang signs, no saying “You need Jesus!!! Nothing!!!!!”

Ok that was harsh but not really. It was my fault for zooming in on the picture and making it look like a dinosaur from Jurassic Park. 

(We don’t know that cat.)

When it was actually the size of a quarter. Or maybe a dime depending on the angle.  And we are assuming that the lizard was female because none of us saw lizard balls.  And we don’t actually know if lizards have balls. But if they do we don’t know where they are kept. Maybe at an alternate address. We took a vote and named her “Lizzie the Lezzie.” Not to be confused with the real “Lizzy the Lezzie.”

I looked up after about an hour of scurrying to find Coco and Tink with bewildered looks on their faces and pawing at the lifeless reptile.  Coco said, “Momma!!!!! We need to change the batteries out.” I had to explain to her that this was not a situation that batteries could fix.” Coco was very upset that Lizzie was dead. She was crying and saying, “Momma, I didn’t want to unalive her. I was just playing with her.”  I told her, “Baby I know. You just played with her to death.”

We later found out that males are the ones that flash that piece of pink skin. That was like puffing out their chest.  And we thought the whole time that the lizard was blowing bubbles because she was chewing watermelon bubble gum.

We are all  in therapy and trying to work things out. Coco and Tink got some tutoring sessions in aggression and have progressed to a light hiss and a paw in the air and learning how to call a bluff.  One night they alerted me to a possible intruder.  It was a 2” moth holding a shank. And a pregnant gnat with an attitude.  I told Coco, “get to it sister, this one is yours.” 

The last time I saw them Tink had moved onto other things. And Coco was still grieving and processing the trauma. She is working with a therapist that really knows her stuff. And her therapist doesn’t allow Coco to deflect the painful issues. She will, however, guide her through it with a crappy little nudge from a therapeutic assignment.

#Thispuzzledlife

Tink’s Dream Of Becoming A Big Cat

“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”

-Sigmund Freud

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today I want to tell you about a situation that involved Tink and Coco. They both have dreams of being big cats one day. I don’t have the heart to challenge their realities. So, I just let them dream away. On this particular day I let them express just that. Check this out!

I woke up one morning with the familiar feeling of a fat cat running back and forth across me. This usually Coco’s meaning of “Momma get up!”  I sit up and take a few minutes to gather myself for yet another day. Tinkerbell is gently licking my toes. I then feel pain and start sweating. I ask her. “Tink! What are you doing?!” “Momma, I licked your toes so clean and then I wanted to chew on them.” “Listen here! Don’t you ever use your back teeth to lick my feet!”  I stand up limping towards their food bowls.

Tink: “Yippee she’s going to feed us! Momma, I want a gazelle to eat like the big cats on Netflix. 

Me: “Have you and coco been watching National Geographic shows?” 

Tink: “Yes ma’am. We could eat it just like they do.”

Me: “Tink there is nothing about you or coco that could take down a gazelle. Except maybe the fumes coming from your litter box. How would you get one to here at our house?” 

Tink: “Momma DoorDash….duh.” 

Me: “I’m quite sure they don’t deliver life size gazelles. What would you do if you got one? Lick its toes, run across it and throw paws with its hair? Ya’ll don’t even stalk anything but brown leaves, bugs and each other. “

Wanting to prove that she is like a big cat, I soon see Tinkerbell crouch down and ready to pounce at any moment. I couldn’t see what the target was, but I just watched curiously.

 Tink: “Watch me catch my prey!” 

She shakes her butt a little and then off she goes trying to be the big cat of her dreams. She lands on her target and quickly jumps back off it. When I finally see what she found She asks me

Tink: “Momma, what do you think? I killed my prey!”

Me: “Yes, Tinkerbell did kill it. The ice cube is dead.”

I know that this one was lighthearted. And to be honest, I need to remind myself every now and then about the comical simplicity of life. They help me so much, in fact, that I want to share them with as many who want to enjoy some of their funny comforts. My animals have always been the compassion in life that I couldn’t seem to find at one time. And the relationship that I have with them is so much fun. I hope that you can enjoy some of what I love about my girls, Tink and Coco. Thanks for reading!

Affirmation of cats: There is no one in the world that I would rather be.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

Hide-And-Seek Troubles Again!

“Cats have nine lives-three for playing, three for straying, and three for staying.”

-English Proverb

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about the continued struggles with my cats and playing “hide-and-seek” troubles.

I had hope when Piper joined our family that the remedial work would be successful. However, my girls will probably always be deficient in this area of their lives. I will now show you some of their efforts trying to change their ways. Sadly, they are still coming up short.

Thanks for reading. And keep me and the girls in your thoughts and prayers as we are always looking for solutions to this cat-tastrophy.

Affirmation: You are beautiful. It’s a good day to be a cat.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

Tink’s Love Language

If mugs made fart noises coffee shops wouldn’t be relaxing, they’d sound like a yoga class in a retirement home.”

-Desi Lydic

Me and my cats have a nightly routine that consists of me taking my meds while Tink is at my feet watching my every move. And stares at me hoping to make me hurry along. I then Get comfortable in my recliner and cover up with my favorite blanket. Then Tink hops in my lap where we both cuddle until we’re both asleep. Except on nights when I’m scrapbooking. And then both of the girls fall asleep wherever they are. Usually, Coco is in her bed and Tink is in my recliner on my blankets. Anyway, here’s how one of our nights unfolded.

Me: “Tink wake up.”

Tink: “Mi no Habla ingles.”

Me: “Well, Rosetta Stone you better find a way to talk to me.”

Tink: “I’m sleeping.”

Me: “No you’re not you just spoke to me.”

Tink: “I talk in my sleep.”

Me: “Wake up or I will get the thermometer and check to see if you have a fever.”

Tink: “I’m up. What do you need?”

Me: “Tink, hold on omg was that you?! You are nasty!! You farted!!!! Tink,  that one is really bad. You know I can’t take bad smells. Dear God, what did you eat?! Oh, Holy Hell it’s burning my eyes too. What are your farts made of? Napalm?”

Tink: “Your big baby stop your whining it’s just your allergies. And you woke me up from my sleep and I didn’t have the energy to hold it in.”

Me: “I know. I’m allergic to cat farts. I can’t take crop dusting any better than this. Omg now I taste it! I started gagging. I had a sudden flashback to diaper days. You and your brother Copeland are the worst smelling animals on this planet! Wait until I tell him how nasty you are.”

Tink: “Fine tell him. He’s the one who taught me how to fart!”

Me: “You need to be bathed in a tub of Holy water because you have a demon in your butt. Dear God get out of my lap and off my blanket!! You probably cinged the fibers. Oh, I just threw up a little in my mouth. Find my airplane vomit bag NOW!!!!”

Tink: “Fine me and Copeland will go live with coach.”

Me: “Ummmm….I wouldn’t dare do that to her!!”

Tink: “She would, at least let me process my feelings about it.”

Sarcastically

Me: “So what are your feelings?”

Tink: “I feel that I’m a flatulent genius.”

Me: “No! Nope, nope, nope! Not even funny, Tink. Why would you want to subject coach to your farts? I thought you liked her.”

Tink: “Well you share everything with her so I thought that I would share everything too.”

Me: “Tink, I do not talk to her about farting!”

Tink: “You talk to her about being constituted.”

Me: “That’s constipated. And I told her that I almost died. It was a traumatic event.”

Tink: “Really?! There was no need to let her in on that part of your life. She likes me more than she likes you, anyway. I don’t understand why you’re being so dramatic.”

Me: “Tink I almost lost my life! I was in the middle of hostage negotiations with my poop chute, and I saw the grim reaper! The whole event scared me to death. And I will not compete for our coach with a cat! You know that she’ll call the police to come and do welfare check on me. And then I’d have to go to the ER and deal with idiots.”

Tink: “It was just a little poop ghost. The poop fan is on.”

Me: “There is nothing about that fart that is little. And no that’s our living room fan and all it does is swirl that weapon of ass destruction all over the house. And it sticks to everything. The whole house smells like I’ve been cooking with dookie tonight!”

Tink is now overcome with laughter.

Me: “A poop fan takes it out of the house. And you can tell your “ghost” that it needs a tic tac or an altoid because it has some crappy dragon breath. Plus, the police officers would arrest you for endangering the life of a vulnerable adult.”

Tink: “Well, I’ve been watching Cops, and I know when I’m supposed to start running. I refuse to be put in handcuffs!!”

Me: “They wouldn’t use handcuffs. They would bring Animal Control and use a rabies pole.”

Tink: “Outta my way momma that’s my cue to start running!”

Ever since then I have been thinking of a way to conduct a “Shock and Awe” moment. I’ve been waiting for a good fart to get her back. So, one day I waited until she was in a deep sleep. I snuck up on her like I was in some type of special forces unit. Operation: “Methane Freebie” was almost over. I got into position close to my target and I Let Her Rip!!! She got vertical at that very moment. I couldn’t help but laugh. With her eyes wide open and her tail all fluffed out she said

Tink: “What in the “Holy Crap on a Cracker” what was that?”

Hysterical Laughter

Me: “I just spoke your “love language.”

Tink: “That was not love, Momma! Had you been a man I would’ve clawed you right in the pickle.”

Me: “Yes it was your “love language.” That was me blowing you a kiss.”

Tink: “I want a divorce!”

I hope you’ve enjoyed this lighthearted post. This was not fiction. My cats and I actually have conversations like this. Thanks for reading! And keep smiling!

Affirmation: If my cat’s flatulence is excessive, I will consult with a veterinarian to rule out any underlying medical conditions.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

Our Pets And Halloween Costumes

“Pawsitively bewitched by my furry friend’s cuteness.”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about not forgetting our pets on Halloween. They secretly despise you for the costumes that you pick out. All they wanted was to be a part of the family. And they had no idea that they would be subject to such cruelty. Poor them. I don’t find any of that cruelty. I love seeing our pets dressed up as almost anything. Here are a few of these pets and their personal opinions concerning Halloween costumes. See if you agree. In

 Snoop Dogg

“Fo shizzle my nizzle.”

Colin Oscopy

“Dr Patio Furniture ER Stat!”

Charlie

“A cow?! With utters?! I’m eating the couch pillows when we get home.”

Pudding

“Seriously? I have my head in a hamburger right now?!”

Sister Mary Clarence

“May God forgive you for your sin of dressing me up as a nun.”

Wendy

“How do you live with yourself?”

Jess Kidding

“Let me tell you all the reasons why I hate you.”

Nico Time

“What in the absolute Hell have you done?!”

Cheetolini

“You should go to prison!”

“The Angry Yam”

“You should go to prison twice!”

Power Serge

“A Beanie Baby?! Please tell me it isn’t so.”

Capital Splatter

“I AM CHUCKY!”

Perv Griffins

“This is your fetish! Not mine!”

Rocky and Apollo

“We are calling the ASPCA!”

Thanks for reading! Happy Halloween to you and your pets. Happy Haunting!

Affirmation: I am worthy despite my owner/owners ideas about costumes.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

Tink and Coco’s Hide-And-Seek Troubles

“Cats choose us; we don’t own them.”

-PC Cast and Kristin Cast

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. I know lately I’ve been storming the door with some hot topics. So, I thought that I would take time out to talk to you about some of my cat parenting woes. Tink and Coco are my girls, and I love them dearly. But one thing I have come to notice is how they suck at playing the game “Hide-and-Seek.”  I had finally reached the end of my rope while suffering in silence over this. And I had to just breakdown and get a “Hide-and-Seek” tutor. Do you know how difficult they are to find?! 

When I’m finally brave enough to ask a tween to help explain the concept to my children in a way that they can understand, I have to face my fears and tell them that my children that have the issues are not “technically” human children. They are my cats. They begin laughing hysterically. Not the cats. Coco and Tink are horribly embarrassed and are not grateful for my efforts. The child that has empathy for our situation prefers to remain anonymous.

Ok, I’m going out on a limb, while swallowing my pride, to show you the reasons why I had to get a tutor for my cats. Below are a few examples.

Tink: Psst! guess who?

Coco: Tink you have to put your ears down dummy.

Tink: you big idiot! You just gave away my hiding place!!!! Ugh!!! She wouldn’t have noticed!! I hope you get a dingleberry the size of a tennis ball!!!!

I understand that their recovery is “a marathon, not a sprint.” And I ask for your prayers for the three of us as we continue to work as a family, to continually face our fears to help Tink and Coco with their deficits in playing a simple game that is shared and played throughout all cultures and regions of the world. And how one day we can bring awareness to other cat families about how we can learn to live unaggressive and how to enjoy “family time” comfortably again in the near future. Thanks for your support as we struggle!

Affirmation: I am perfect enough.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife 

From The Mouth Of Piper

“I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It’s not. Mine had me trained in two days.”

-Bill Dana

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy, go away. Today, I want to update you on the speaking of Piper. She might be little. But she is mighty. The following is a conversation that we had recently.

Piper: “Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow.”

Me: “Piper, what are you saying?”

Piper: “Mooooooomma?”

Me: “There you go. I knew you could do it.”

Piper: “Wait! What am I doing?”

Me: “You’re speaking English. What were you doing just now?”

Piper: “Oh, I was talking to tha Jesus.”

Me: “Really? About what?”

Piper: “Well, I was saying a prayer while speaking “Cat.” Do you think he understood me?”

Me: “Well, I would guess so since he created you.”

Piper: “He created me?”

Me: “Why yes. Jesus is behind all things good.”

Piper: “But momma those other people unalived my littermates.”

Me: “Ah yes. Baby, he’ll take care of those people. One day I’ll tell you about the red light in the ground. But he made sure you and your brother made it.

Piper: “Why? The red light in the ground? What is that?””

Me: “Well, I don’t know. Maybe it was because he knew that me and your sisters needed you in our family. And the red light in the ground is where bad people go. They always need water. It’s hot. And they will be sad forever.”

Piper: “Whoa. Do you mean Jesus can do that? Well, I don’t want them to die. I just want them to be covered in fleas without flea medicine.”

Me: “Oh yes. Jesus can do anything.”

Piper: “So, how do I thank the Jesus for doing that?”

Me: ”Well, you just pray and tell Jesus.”

Piper: “Do you mean like I was doing?”

Me: “Of course. Go ahead and speak English. He’ll understand.”

Piper: “So, does Jesus have Google translate or Rosetta Stone?”

Me: “Well, Jesus doesn’t need that. But if he did, he would use it. Go ahead and talk to him.”

Piper: “Dear Jesus, thank you for my momma that took us out of that hot sun and to the vet. Thank you for letting them help me. However, I didn’t like the thermometer. I could really do without that. And thank you for my new mommy. She does say words I don’t understand. But I think it’s because of my needles attached to my baby paws. So, please don’t be mad at her. She loves me so much! And dear Jesus, as your humble servant, I ask that you please take that evil hiss out of my sisters’ throats. Amen.”

Me: “Incredibly good, Piper. 

Piper: “How do I know if he heard me?

Me: “When you said, “amen” it was like you put a stamp on the letter. It was delivered straight to heaven. Just give your sisters time. Jesus will work on them.”

Piper: “Thank you, momma. Can I have another cookie?”

Me: “You’re welcome, baby. Ummmm. You’ve already had sixty-two treats.”

Piper: “Then can I have 63?”

Me: “Fine. But only one more.”

Thanks for reading. Make sure and subscribe to this blog. So, that you never miss another post and updates on the lives of me and Coco, Tinkerbell, and Piper. Keep reading. And keep smiling.

Affirmation: The world can be cruel. So, I won’t be.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

Tink And The Fart

“There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: Music and cats.”

-Albert Schweitzer

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. One of my favorite things to do is writing captions and dialogs about my cats Tink and Coco. They both have a very extensive vocabulary. And even more developed is their imagination and view on life. Coco is a very dominant shorthair grey tabby who takes her seniority very seriously. And Tink is a very submissive calico who thinks that the closer she is with her momma, the happier she is. She does, however, have one major problem. She likes to “crop dust” her farts all over my house and on me. She has absolutely no conscience about doing so. Now, sit for a few minutes and enjoy reading, “Tink and the Fart.”

Tink: “Oh that’s a good one!!”

Coco: “Tink did you fart?!”

Tink:”Yes. I was playing with our shiny toy balls and my stomach slammed on breaks and said, “Fart Now! Fart Now!” So I did and I feel better.”

Coco: “Well I’m on the brink of death! Who or what did you eat?!”

Tink: “I don’t have to tell you anything!”

Coco: “I know your butt told me what you did!”

Tink: “Momma!!!!!”

Me: “What is that screaming?!  OMG, Tink did you fart?”

Coco: “Yes Ma’am. And I think she summoned a demon when she did it. She did it under the sign you had posted.”

Tink: “Yes sorry. It slipped.”

Me: “Coco, what are you doing?!”

Coco: “I’m looking for good air anywhere I can find it.”

Me: “In the sock drawer, really?”

Coco: “I was desperate.  Momma hurry grab the zofran!!”

Me: “Coco y’all are such drama queens.”

Coco: “But I can’t breathe and I see Nannie!”

Tink: “That’s right. You big baby!”

Me: “Hold up. If you farted and are now seeing Nannie that means you are close to death.”

Coco: “You have no idea how close.  you’re going to pay big for that one, Tink!”

Coco: “Mama, now I’m seeing Nannie and Jesus! I see the bright light, too!!!!”

Me: “Where, Coco, where?”

Coco: “They’re on the ceiling.”

Me: “Coco stop looking at the ceiling!!!”

Coco: “Where did the bright light, Nannie and Jesus go?”

Me: “Coco, you were not about to die. You were looking at the lights on the ceiling fan.”

Coco: “But what about Nannie and Jesus?”

Me: “Nope. Seeing Jesus after cat fart poisoning is highly unlikely.”

Coco: “But mama? I could’ve died. Tink, you better not ever close your eyes!!!”

Me: “Coco you better not hurt her. Remember SHELTER!!  2 female cats = Drama”

“Love is like a fart, it comes unexpectedly.”

-Unknown

Affirmation: “I embrace my farts and all their glory.”

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

2024 Highlights From Camp Frat Pad

“Many years ago, I made a New Year’s resolution  to never make New Year’s resolutions. Hell, it’s been the only resolution I’ve ever kept.”

–D.S Mixell

As the world wraps up another year of living, I thought that I would try to recap some of our most memorable moments here at Camp Frat Pad. There has been much laughter, tears with our friends that double as family.  We have all grown individually and as a group in our relationships with each other. But it’s how we walk through our daily lives attempting to “live life on life’s terms” that continues to make Camp Frat Pad such a special place. Camp Frat Pad is not a place. It’s a total experience. You want unconditional love that you might be lacking elsewhere? We are all here to support you. Hate has no room here.  We are a small group of people where we practice inclusion, love and a place to call home when others can’t handle our differences. Camp Frat Pad is a place where both kids and adults are free to be whoever and whatever they want to be judgment free. No matter what color flag you wave or what limitations you may have, there is always a place for anyone who needs or wants acceptance, support and laughter that will propel you into the next 24 hours of life.  Enjoy some of our moments from 2024 as we send a lighthearted middle finger goodbye to whatever type of year that we’ve all had.

  • Marshall puked when we played the Jelly Belly Beanboozled game
  • Copeland decided to try and learn how to make primitive weapons so that he could be a survivalist. His survival pack consisted of a pack of crackers, a piece of gum and a juice box which he devoured 30 ft into the woods.
  • I slipped and fell in some mud down by the creek. All I could do was look at Shelby like, “Did that just really happen? And am I still alive?” Shelby was absolutely no help. She and the kids just laughed hysterically. Each time I tried  to stand up I fell back down again making the whole situation that much funnier. Definitely, one of the funniest moments of the year!
  • The boys accidentally on purpose got their shoes soaked when they needed to walk in the creek water.
  • Robyn tripped going upstairs AGAIN! Shocker!
  • Robyn and the family were gone on a cruise. I took care of her pet pigs “pork chop” and “bacon.” I am completely dumb when it comes to pig behavior. They let out a big snort and I screamed because I thought that they had just tried to kill me. I could’ve died and she laughed at the story.
  • Mikey set the woods on fire by trying to be proactive.
  • Out of the corner of my eye I saw a water hose under Robyn’s carport that I apparently thought was a cobra in the striking position. I could’ve died and she just laughed!
  • Mikey got a new keychain flashlight that helps determine meteorological outcomes.
  • Shelby was sick the entire year! Literally.
  • I was nearly killed in a barrage of nerf gun fire. Injuries included swollen eyebrows, a bruised nipple and multiple red dot tattoos.
  • Copeland’s frustration with his brother’s “mean puberty” behaviors are either violent or hysterical. 
  • Mason contracted “Movid.”
  • Copeland and Marshall farted so much that Tink and Coco started losing vision in their eyes.
  • Mason is the fart and burp monitor that demands an immediate “EXCUSE ME!”
  • Copeland decided that when he grows up that he wants to commit arson because he loves shooting fireworks. We had an immediate discussion about the difference between arson and a pyro. Basically, one is a felony.
  • Mikey can listen to a podcast, load the dishwasher and cook brownies best when it’s midnight and everyone else is trying to sleep.
  • We all concluded that the boys would starve if they ever wanted to be male strippers for a living.
  • I almost got rabies from Robyn’s dog Bella. I gave her the name “Devil Dog” which she wears with pride. Now, at the end of the year, she loves to get in my lap from time-to-time for cuddles. And so does the rest of the “canine assassin crew.”
  • Mason is very mean when he gets hungry. It goes way beyond hangry.
  • Coco and Tink are two of my best friends.
  • Cannabis is still the best medicine on the planet.
  • I am now free from psych meds. Thank you, cannabis!
  • Baby “Prince” is the most beautiful and high maintenance little schnauzer. He is the newest member of Camp Frat Pad.
  • Experiencing the kids’ puberty makes me want to go into the woods and let the animals eat me.
  • Mason has gone from a little kid to 7’2” in less than a year. He outgrows clothes every month.
  • I broke the wooden adirondack chair flamboyantly!
  • Ellie is now legal. Happy Birthday!
  • When the boys come to my house for a visit they have appetites like starving feral dogs. Even when they’ve just eaten.
  • The boys set off the smoke alarm with the fart blaster gun.
  • “Momma, do Tink and Coco have New Year’s “revolutions?” “Only around the food bowl and snack drawer, son.”

As we go into the new year, I wish everyone to be healthy and happy. Laugh as much as possible. It will get you through many difficult moments. Keep those you love close because life can change permanently in a moment. And tell them that you love them often. Allow your kids to enjoy their childhood without unrealistic constraints and expectations. Allow them to play and enjoy life before it gets difficult. It will disappear before you realize. Be the reason other people smile.  DO NOT allow other people’s opinions to determine your self-worth. Just because they don’t see it doesn’t mean that it’s not there. Boundaries foster growth. Stand in your truth even when it’s difficult or unpopular. Because one day you will look up and you will have that backbone that you’ve always needed. And finally, DO NOT remain silent just because it makes others uncomfortable. Embrace diversity!

Happy New Year From All Of Us At Camp Frat Pad!

#Thispuzzledlife

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Splish! Splash! I Was Taking A Bath

“If you can’t laugh at yourself, life is going to seem a whole lot longer than you’d like.” 

~ Natalie Portman

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away! Instantly, I feel better. I need to make a confession. A few weeks ago, I had elbow surgery. No big deal. I’ve had many surgeries throughout my life. Most have been knee surgeries. This time, though, it was going to be “baptism by fire” on how to bathe with one arm. I do my best by keeping the cast dry. This should’ve not been an issue because I’ve done the same thing after knee surgeries. But this time, would prove itself different. 

I get my game plan to hold my arm up while attempting to sit down in my bath water. Uh oh! Ok this little snafu I had not factored into my plan. How would I get down in the water? Just in case I had misjudged my actions, I tried it again. Oh my gosh! My older body was letting me down. I begin thinking about the situation that I’m now faced deal with. I couldn’t call my close friends because if they saw me now, they would be in therapy the rest of their lives. Plus, one of them already has issues with gravity.  She would laugh hysterically while shouting, “KARMA!”  “I couldn’t call coach. Because who would? And I’m also one of those kids that always said, “I do it!”

I develop a new game plan while thinking, “If survivors from the Titanic disaster made it then a measly bathtub situation should be no problem, right?” I began squatting but still I could do nothing but hover over the water. Finally, I realize that the only solution is to just let go and fall in the water the rest of the way. I begin counting “One, two, three. Wait! Wait! Do I let go on three or two?” When you have parts, the agreeing on things internally is seldom accomplished. Some were already laughing. Mainly the teenagers. The kids were saying over and over, “One, two, three Go! One, two, three go!” Others say, “OMG this is going to be a disaster! Call coach! Yes, ask for what you need!” I shout, “Shut up! I’m to keep us alive!” To which the rebuttal comment is “Oh wow! That was not said in a loving kind of way.” My only other statement at this point was, “Well, I don’t feel “Loving” right now!”

Seeing no other way around this situation, I let go and fell back into the bathtub. I remember thinking, “Am I still alive? I accused the bathtub and karma for attempting to drown me.”  One little insider was screaming, “I’m drowning! I’m drowning!” I say, “No you’re not! You just have water in your eyes!” Neither me, the tub nor the bathroom would ever be the same. I felt like I had just done a cannon ball off the diving board. And what had come of it was a tidal wave of water in every inch of that room.

If you allow others to laugh with you, you will be great.”

“Ha! Ha! Ha! I told you I could do it!” I said. So, I took my bath with one arm out with no further incident. I was just going to keep the situation secret and in my back pocket for some time later down the road. I start attempting to get out of the tub like I do with my knee. And I soon realized that I had not thought about how to get back out of the bathtub. So, now I’m trapped in a bathtub and have no idea how I’m going to get out.” Hellfire and damnation! What do I do now?” I shouted. A few minutes go by, and I eventually make it back onto my feet and out of the bathtub. Karma got me good!

~ Martin Niemoller

***Don’t forget to watch the video***

#Thispuzzledlife