Piper’s Spay Day

“A happy arrangement: many people prefer cats to other people and many cats prefer people to other cats.”

 -Mason Cooley

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to tell you about a situation that occurred. And, well, it was concerning the specific moment when I had to tell Piper that she was going to get spayed.

Me: “Piper!”

Piper: “Coming momma!”

Me: “What were you three doing?”

Piper: “I had just jumped on Tink’s back and was biting her head. And she was getting mad at me.”

Me: “Well, I need to talk to you about something?”

Coco: “Me and Tink are on the way, momma.”

Me: “Well, it might be good to have you here for support.”

Tink: “Uh-oh. Is everything ok?”

Piper: “What’s the matter momma?”

Me: “Well, when you get to be a certain age you need to have a surgery.”

Tink: “Oh yes! Snip, snip little girl.”

Coco: “Snip! Snip! And it’s going to hurt really bad.”

Me: “Tink! Coco! Ya’ll stop. You’re going to scare her.”

(Piper begins sobbing)

Piper: “Momma, why do you want to make me hurt?”

Me: “Coco and Tink, why did you say that?”

Piper: “Momma, I’m scared!”

Me: “Look, calm down a second. When you get to be a certain age, you must have a surgery to remove your kitten maker.”

Coco: “Snip! Snip!”

Me: “Coco, stop it! Piper, they give you some medicine to make you go to sleep so that you don’t even know that it’s going on.”

Piper: “But momma. What if I wanted to be a momma one day?”

Me: “Piper let me explain something to you. Momma cats don’t just have one kitten. If they had just one, you could have a kitten, and it could live with us. Momma cats have anywhere from 8-12 babies at a time. And we wouldn’t able to keep them. It would be harder on you if I took your babies away from you after you had already bonded with them.”

Piper: “So you’re not doing this to be mean to me?”

Me: “No baby. Tink and Coco did the same thing. And it helps keep you healthier the older you get. If you had a lot of babies and we couldn’t find homes for them all, we would have to take them to the shelter. And there are already too many puppies and kittens who have to do that. I’m just trying to make it easier on you and all of us by doing this. Think about it. If you had 8 kittens. Coco had 8 kittens. And Tink had 8 kittens. What would we have?”

Piper: “A crowd?”

Me: “Yes. And I wouldn’t be able to care for that many.”

Piper: “Ok. Well, I don’t want to be a momma cat to that many babies. But I’m still scared.”

Me: “I know you are. But I will go with you.”

Piper: “You promise?”

Me: “Unless, of course, you know how to drive a vehicle.”

Piper: “No way.”

Me: “I promise you might be a little scared. But you will be fine. And I will go get you whenever they say that you’re safe to come back home. And then we can cuddle, ok?”

Piper: “Ok. Please don’t forget about me.”

Me: “Don’t worry. Me and your sisters would never forget about you.”

Tink: “Piper, we were just messing with you. You will be fine. If you get scared, just ask “tha Jesus” to make you not scared.”

Coco: “Yea, kid. We were just playing with you. I was a little sleepy and sore afterwards. But the doctors will give you some medicine to make you not hurt but just a little bit.”

Piper: “Will you and Tink go with me?”

Coco: “Heck no!”

Piper: “Why not?”

Tink: “Because they take your temperature.”

Piper: “What does that mean?”

Me: “They just want to make sure that you don’t have a fever which would mean that you were sick.”

Piper: “Ok. Well, that doesn’t seem bad.”

(Coco now mumbling)

Coco: “That’s what you think.”

Piper: “What?”

 Me: “Coco hush up. Piper, you will be fine.”

Piper: “Ok. Thank ya’ll for explaining things. I feel better. I love you big sissies.”

Coco and Tink: “We love you too, Piper.”

I’m writing this the day after Piper’s surgery. She did fine. And when I picked her up from the vet, except for the fact that she was still a little bit woozy and moving around like she had eaten an entire container of cannabis edibles, she did extremely well. Piper and Tink hissed at her for the next four hours because she and her carrier smelled like Noah’s ark from being around so many other animals, I am currently writing with two of them in my lap. Remember to always spay and neuter your animals. Thanks for reading!

Affirmation: I know when to curl up for a good nap

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

Piper’s First Holiday Season

“What greater gift than the love of a cat?”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. This holiday season is Piper’s first. And I have never seen her so happy. She has played so hard with big sisters Coco and Tinkerbell. And I actually saw Coco, the self-assigned mayor of my house, grooming Piper so much that  now Piper will randomly walk over to her and put her head down for a little touch up throughout the day. And she is very inquisitive about everything. Check out this conversation!

Piper: “Momma?”

Me: “Yes Piper.”

Piper: “I have so much fun when my brothers come to visit.”

Me: “I know. I do too.”

(I could see the wheels in her little feline brain turning.)

Piper: “Momma, do you know what my favorite time is?”

Me: “Tell me.”

Piper: “It’s when they go home. Those are the best naps ever.”

Me: “Well, little miss you better find some energy because it’s holiday season.”

Piper: “What was it called when we had food all day long?”

Me: “Ummmm…420?”

Piper: “What is that?”

Me: “That’s when we celebrate my “stinky” medicine.”

Piper: “No. It was not long ago.”

Me: “Thanksgiving?”

Piper: “What does that mean?”

Me: “Well, it’s supposed to be about giving thanks for blessings in your life. And spending time with family.”

Piper: “Well, I spent lots of time with my family.”

Me: “ We all love you too. And you were perfect for our family.”

Piper:  “I’m thankful that I survived. And I now have my very own family.”

Me: “Awe, we love you too, Piper.”

Piper: “Yummy! What is that?”

Me: “Piper you can’t jump into my plate!!!”

Piper: “Why not? I just want to see it. Smell it. And lick it.”

Me: “Ma’am, you must learn some manners.”

Piper: “But it smells so good. And it makes me hungry.”

Me: “Piper, people do not like cats who are overly nosy especially when their eating.”

Piper: “But I’m just a baby kitty.”

Me: “Stop being cute, right now!”

Piper: “But momma, I can’t help it.”

Me: “I will give you a bite. But you have to wait until I’m ready.”

(Approximately 30 seconds goes by and she starts swatting at my hand.)

Me: “Piper stop trying to grab my food! and stay out of my drink!

Piper: “I’m trying to do Thanksgiving.”

Me: “Coco, Tink, come get your sister!”

(I soon hear jingling bells alerting me to there whereabouts.)

Coco: “On my way momma!”

Tink: “Me too!”

(They come running and gasp when they see me.)

Tink: “Piper, No!!!!”

Coco: “Holy Catnip! What are you doing?!”

Piper: “I just want a bite.”

Coco: “Get down here, Piper!”

Piper: “What now?!”

Coco: “First come here. Your catlick is all messed up.”

(Coco begins grooming Piper.)

Tink: “Piper, you cannot do that! Never ever jump in momma’s  plate. She will give you a bite. But you can’t rush her because she’ll go crazy. Do you want to be sprayed with the water bottle?”

Piper: “Heck No!”

Tink: “Yea. We don’t like it either. We just stop doing what got us sprayed.”

Piper: “Oh ok. I’m just hungry.”

Tink: “If you stop, and sit there quiet like you’re supposed to that’s called manners.”

Piper: “Wow! How do you know all of that?”

Coco: “Because we were kittens once too.”

Piper: “I’m so glad you guys are my family. Who else would give me baths?”

Coco and Tink: “We love you too.”

Coco: “We just want you to grow up and be a successful grown cat like we are.”

Piper: “Happy Holidays, big sissies!”

Coco and Tink: “Happy Holidays and catnip dreams to you Piper!”

Affirmation: I will not hesitate to ask for what I need.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

Piper Attempts Playing Hide-And-Seek

“Time spent with cats is never squandered, it’s ‘purr’fect!”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. I’ve told you how bad my girls are at playing hide-and-seek. And Piper is no different. Apparently, she and her sisters have  been discussing how to play the game. Piper was so excited to show me what she had learned. I held my breath and prepared for the negative impact. And well….she might also have deficits in this area of her life. Read our conversation and draw your own conclusion on the future of my cats and their abilities to play a commonly played childhood game known as Hide-And-Seek. I am busy writing, and I overhear the girls talking about playing the game. So, I listen closer. Check out this interaction.

Coco: “Here let me show you what I’m talking about. Always remember, if you can’t see them, they can’t see you.”

Tink: “Yea. It’s pretty easy when you get the hang of it. I don’t know why momma got us a tutor.”

(The girls show Piper their version of the game.)

Piper: “Oh yes! I’ve got it now. But momma always tells me that I’m wrong.”

Coco: “Piper, one thing you have to understand is that we allow momma to think she’s right. But we do our own thing anyway. Except when she says, “TREAT OR COOKIE.” Then, we just act insanely happy and meow as much and as loud as you can. Those are the rules.”

Tink: “You have to train momma. She brings me my treats, or she throws them to me. And it’s really fun when she puts them all over the house for us to find. Then we show her who are the real stars of the game. It’s not about what’s true. It’s all about what is perceived.”

Piper: “Wow! Did momma teach you that?”

Tink: “No, the president did.”

Me: “Hold up girls! What are you talking about?”

Coco: “We were just teaching Piper how to play hide-and-seek.”

Me: “But ya’ll don’t even know how to hide appropriately.”

Coco: “Well, we are working with a tutor.”

Me: “True you are. But I think we need someone who will push you harder.”

Piper: “But I’m learning how to play.”

Me: “Ok. Show me what you’ve got.”

(They form a huddle and talk in private.)

Coco: “Ok. Ready. Break! Momma start counting.”

They all take off looking for the perfect hiding spot.

Me: “7…8…9…10! Ready or not, here I come!”

Everything is eerily quiet.

Coco:

 Tink:

 Piper:

Me: “I found all of you!”

Coco: “Piper, run like you stole something!”

Tink: “I concede to defeat.”

Me: “Really Tink?! Why?”

Tink: “Because I want to take a nap now.”

Piper: “I made it back to the base. Do we get a cookie now?

Coco: “Cookies? Who said, “Cookies? Meow! Meow!”

Piper: “Meow! Meow! Meow!”

Me: “Girls, that doesn’t mean that you get treats!”

Coco and Piper: “Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow!”

Me: “Girls, hush!”

Coco and Piper: “Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow!”

Me: “Ok! Ok! Just hush!”

Coco: “See, you play the game just like that, Piper. Everyone is a winner!”

Tink: “Momma, please bring me my treats!”

Me: “Fine just be quiet.”

Coco: “Winner. Winner. Chicken cookie dinner!”

As you can see, the girls have their own agenda. And please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we try to survive as a family. Thanks for reading!

Affirmation: I am the queen of the snack jar.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

A Moment With Piper

“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”

-Terry Pratchett

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about what it’s like living with Piper. She is finally coming into her own and getting bigger every day. Check this out!

Piper: “Momma help me!”

Me: “What is the problem, Piper?”

Piper: “Tink bit my butt for no reason!”

Me: “Did you do anything to her?”

Piper: “No! She just bit me for no reason!”

Tink: “Piper you cowabungaed my head!”

Piper: “No I didn’t! Fluff off!” 

Tink: “What did you say? You little feline fluff ball?”

Piper: “I promise! I did nothing wrong!”

Me: “Piper, the collected evidence shows that you, in fact, jumped on Tink’s head without provocation.”

Piper: “Momma, I’m just a little kitty!”

Me: “And you are responsible for your own kitty actions.”

Tink: “Ha! Ha! I told you, you little snack stealer!”

Piper: “Momma said that I was growing and needed more than anyone else.”

Me: “Piper, I did not! Coco, do you care to chime in?”

Coco: “Hear no evil. See no evil. Speak no evil.”

Piper: “Well, that’s what I heard you say.”

Me: “When, ma’am?”

Piper: “The other night when I was asleep.”

Me: “Piper, that must’ve been while you were dreaming.”

Piper: “Well, you still said it no matter if I was awake or asleep.”

Me: “Piper, you must share your snacks just like you want me to share everything that I eat.”

Piper: “Well, I’m just curious and want to know what you’re eating?”

Me: “By jumping on me and into my plate?”

Piper: “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

Thanks for reading! Life with my girls is full of laughs and love. They are my family. Keep moving forward and always spay and neuter you pets.

Affirmation: I deserve every snack and piece of food that I find.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

The Girls And The Lizard

The following is a situation that led to Coco growling for the first time ever. She wanted to let her inner mountain lion loose. But all she was able to do was squeak like a mouse.  Tink also tried and was only able to connect with a very light meow.  “We just don’t feel safe with them as protectors.”

They didn’t even try to save me from one tiny moth.  The best that either of them could do was look at it. No warning, no gang signs, no saying “You need Jesus!!! Nothing!!!!!”

Ok that was harsh but not really. It was my fault for zooming in on the picture and making it look like a dinosaur from Jurassic Park. 

(We don’t know that cat.)

When it was actually the size of a quarter. Or maybe a dime depending on the angle.  And we are assuming that the lizard was female because none of us saw lizard balls.  And we don’t actually know if lizards have balls. But if they do we don’t know where they are kept. Maybe at an alternate address. We took a vote and named her “Lizzie the Lezzie.” Not to be confused with the real “Lizzy the Lezzie.”

I looked up after about an hour of scurrying to find Coco and Tink with bewildered looks on their faces and pawing at the lifeless reptile.  Coco said, “Momma!!!!! We need to change the batteries out.” I had to explain to her that this was not a situation that batteries could fix.” Coco was very upset that Lizzie was dead. She was crying and saying, “Momma, I didn’t want to unalive her. I was just playing with her.”  I told her, “Baby I know. You just played with her to death.”

We later found out that males are the ones that flash that piece of pink skin. That was like puffing out their chest.  And we thought the whole time that the lizard was blowing bubbles because she was chewing watermelon bubble gum.

We are all  in therapy and trying to work things out. Coco and Tink got some tutoring sessions in aggression and have progressed to a light hiss and a paw in the air and learning how to call a bluff.  One night they alerted me to a possible intruder.  It was a 2” moth holding a shank. And a pregnant gnat with an attitude.  I told Coco, “get to it sister, this one is yours.” 

The last time I saw them Tink had moved onto other things. And Coco was still grieving and processing the trauma. She is working with a therapist that really knows her stuff. And her therapist doesn’t allow Coco to deflect the painful issues. She will, however, guide her through it with a crappy little nudge from a therapeutic assignment.

#Thispuzzledlife

Tink’s Dream Of Becoming A Big Cat

“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”

-Sigmund Freud

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today I want to tell you about a situation that involved Tink and Coco. They both have dreams of being big cats one day. I don’t have the heart to challenge their realities. So, I just let them dream away. On this particular day I let them express just that. Check this out!

I woke up one morning with the familiar feeling of a fat cat running back and forth across me. This usually Coco’s meaning of “Momma get up!”  I sit up and take a few minutes to gather myself for yet another day. Tinkerbell is gently licking my toes. I then feel pain and start sweating. I ask her. “Tink! What are you doing?!” “Momma, I licked your toes so clean and then I wanted to chew on them.” “Listen here! Don’t you ever use your back teeth to lick my feet!”  I stand up limping towards their food bowls.

Tink: “Yippee she’s going to feed us! Momma, I want a gazelle to eat like the big cats on Netflix. 

Me: “Have you and coco been watching National Geographic shows?” 

Tink: “Yes ma’am. We could eat it just like they do.”

Me: “Tink there is nothing about you or coco that could take down a gazelle. Except maybe the fumes coming from your litter box. How would you get one to here at our house?” 

Tink: “Momma DoorDash….duh.” 

Me: “I’m quite sure they don’t deliver life size gazelles. What would you do if you got one? Lick its toes, run across it and throw paws with its hair? Ya’ll don’t even stalk anything but brown leaves, bugs and each other. “

Wanting to prove that she is like a big cat, I soon see Tinkerbell crouch down and ready to pounce at any moment. I couldn’t see what the target was, but I just watched curiously.

 Tink: “Watch me catch my prey!” 

She shakes her butt a little and then off she goes trying to be the big cat of her dreams. She lands on her target and quickly jumps back off it. When I finally see what she found She asks me

Tink: “Momma, what do you think? I killed my prey!”

Me: “Yes, Tinkerbell did kill it. The ice cube is dead.”

I know that this one was lighthearted. And to be honest, I need to remind myself every now and then about the comical simplicity of life. They help me so much, in fact, that I want to share them with as many who want to enjoy some of their funny comforts. My animals have always been the compassion in life that I couldn’t seem to find at one time. And the relationship that I have with them is so much fun. I hope that you can enjoy some of what I love about my girls, Tink and Coco. Thanks for reading!

Affirmation of cats: There is no one in the world that I would rather be.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

Hide-And-Seek Troubles Again!

“Cats have nine lives-three for playing, three for straying, and three for staying.”

-English Proverb

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about the continued struggles with my cats and playing “hide-and-seek” troubles.

I had hope when Piper joined our family that the remedial work would be successful. However, my girls will probably always be deficient in this area of their lives. I will now show you some of their efforts trying to change their ways. Sadly, they are still coming up short.

Thanks for reading. And keep me and the girls in your thoughts and prayers as we are always looking for solutions to this cat-tastrophy.

Affirmation: You are beautiful. It’s a good day to be a cat.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

Tink’s Love Language

If mugs made fart noises coffee shops wouldn’t be relaxing, they’d sound like a yoga class in a retirement home.”

-Desi Lydic

Me and my cats have a nightly routine that consists of me taking my meds while Tink is at my feet watching my every move. And stares at me hoping to make me hurry along. I then Get comfortable in my recliner and cover up with my favorite blanket. Then Tink hops in my lap where we both cuddle until we’re both asleep. Except on nights when I’m scrapbooking. And then both of the girls fall asleep wherever they are. Usually, Coco is in her bed and Tink is in my recliner on my blankets. Anyway, here’s how one of our nights unfolded.

Me: “Tink wake up.”

Tink: “Mi no Habla ingles.”

Me: “Well, Rosetta Stone you better find a way to talk to me.”

Tink: “I’m sleeping.”

Me: “No you’re not you just spoke to me.”

Tink: “I talk in my sleep.”

Me: “Wake up or I will get the thermometer and check to see if you have a fever.”

Tink: “I’m up. What do you need?”

Me: “Tink, hold on omg was that you?! You are nasty!! You farted!!!! Tink,  that one is really bad. You know I can’t take bad smells. Dear God, what did you eat?! Oh, Holy Hell it’s burning my eyes too. What are your farts made of? Napalm?”

Tink: “Your big baby stop your whining it’s just your allergies. And you woke me up from my sleep and I didn’t have the energy to hold it in.”

Me: “I know. I’m allergic to cat farts. I can’t take crop dusting any better than this. Omg now I taste it! I started gagging. I had a sudden flashback to diaper days. You and your brother Copeland are the worst smelling animals on this planet! Wait until I tell him how nasty you are.”

Tink: “Fine tell him. He’s the one who taught me how to fart!”

Me: “You need to be bathed in a tub of Holy water because you have a demon in your butt. Dear God get out of my lap and off my blanket!! You probably cinged the fibers. Oh, I just threw up a little in my mouth. Find my airplane vomit bag NOW!!!!”

Tink: “Fine me and Copeland will go live with coach.”

Me: “Ummmm….I wouldn’t dare do that to her!!”

Tink: “She would, at least let me process my feelings about it.”

Sarcastically

Me: “So what are your feelings?”

Tink: “I feel that I’m a flatulent genius.”

Me: “No! Nope, nope, nope! Not even funny, Tink. Why would you want to subject coach to your farts? I thought you liked her.”

Tink: “Well you share everything with her so I thought that I would share everything too.”

Me: “Tink, I do not talk to her about farting!”

Tink: “You talk to her about being constituted.”

Me: “That’s constipated. And I told her that I almost died. It was a traumatic event.”

Tink: “Really?! There was no need to let her in on that part of your life. She likes me more than she likes you, anyway. I don’t understand why you’re being so dramatic.”

Me: “Tink I almost lost my life! I was in the middle of hostage negotiations with my poop chute, and I saw the grim reaper! The whole event scared me to death. And I will not compete for our coach with a cat! You know that she’ll call the police to come and do welfare check on me. And then I’d have to go to the ER and deal with idiots.”

Tink: “It was just a little poop ghost. The poop fan is on.”

Me: “There is nothing about that fart that is little. And no that’s our living room fan and all it does is swirl that weapon of ass destruction all over the house. And it sticks to everything. The whole house smells like I’ve been cooking with dookie tonight!”

Tink is now overcome with laughter.

Me: “A poop fan takes it out of the house. And you can tell your “ghost” that it needs a tic tac or an altoid because it has some crappy dragon breath. Plus, the police officers would arrest you for endangering the life of a vulnerable adult.”

Tink: “Well, I’ve been watching Cops, and I know when I’m supposed to start running. I refuse to be put in handcuffs!!”

Me: “They wouldn’t use handcuffs. They would bring Animal Control and use a rabies pole.”

Tink: “Outta my way momma that’s my cue to start running!”

Ever since then I have been thinking of a way to conduct a “Shock and Awe” moment. I’ve been waiting for a good fart to get her back. So, one day I waited until she was in a deep sleep. I snuck up on her like I was in some type of special forces unit. Operation: “Methane Freebie” was almost over. I got into position close to my target and I Let Her Rip!!! She got vertical at that very moment. I couldn’t help but laugh. With her eyes wide open and her tail all fluffed out she said

Tink: “What in the “Holy Crap on a Cracker” what was that?”

Hysterical Laughter

Me: “I just spoke your “love language.”

Tink: “That was not love, Momma! Had you been a man I would’ve clawed you right in the pickle.”

Me: “Yes it was your “love language.” That was me blowing you a kiss.”

Tink: “I want a divorce!”

I hope you’ve enjoyed this lighthearted post. This was not fiction. My cats and I actually have conversations like this. Thanks for reading! And keep smiling!

Affirmation: If my cat’s flatulence is excessive, I will consult with a veterinarian to rule out any underlying medical conditions.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

Our Pets And Halloween Costumes

“Pawsitively bewitched by my furry friend’s cuteness.”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about not forgetting our pets on Halloween. They secretly despise you for the costumes that you pick out. All they wanted was to be a part of the family. And they had no idea that they would be subject to such cruelty. Poor them. I don’t find any of that cruelty. I love seeing our pets dressed up as almost anything. Here are a few of these pets and their personal opinions concerning Halloween costumes. See if you agree. In

 Snoop Dogg

“Fo shizzle my nizzle.”

Colin Oscopy

“Dr Patio Furniture ER Stat!”

Charlie

“A cow?! With utters?! I’m eating the couch pillows when we get home.”

Pudding

“Seriously? I have my head in a hamburger right now?!”

Sister Mary Clarence

“May God forgive you for your sin of dressing me up as a nun.”

Wendy

“How do you live with yourself?”

Jess Kidding

“Let me tell you all the reasons why I hate you.”

Nico Time

“What in the absolute Hell have you done?!”

Cheetolini

“You should go to prison!”

“The Angry Yam”

“You should go to prison twice!”

Power Serge

“A Beanie Baby?! Please tell me it isn’t so.”

Capital Splatter

“I AM CHUCKY!”

Perv Griffins

“This is your fetish! Not mine!”

Rocky and Apollo

“We are calling the ASPCA!”

Thanks for reading! Happy Halloween to you and your pets. Happy Haunting!

Affirmation: I am worthy despite my owner/owners ideas about costumes.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

Tink and Coco’s Hide-And-Seek Troubles

“Cats choose us; we don’t own them.”

-PC Cast and Kristin Cast

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. I know lately I’ve been storming the door with some hot topics. So, I thought that I would take time out to talk to you about some of my cat parenting woes. Tink and Coco are my girls, and I love them dearly. But one thing I have come to notice is how they suck at playing the game “Hide-and-Seek.”  I had finally reached the end of my rope while suffering in silence over this. And I had to just breakdown and get a “Hide-and-Seek” tutor. Do you know how difficult they are to find?! 

When I’m finally brave enough to ask a tween to help explain the concept to my children in a way that they can understand, I have to face my fears and tell them that my children that have the issues are not “technically” human children. They are my cats. They begin laughing hysterically. Not the cats. Coco and Tink are horribly embarrassed and are not grateful for my efforts. The child that has empathy for our situation prefers to remain anonymous.

Ok, I’m going out on a limb, while swallowing my pride, to show you the reasons why I had to get a tutor for my cats. Below are a few examples.

Tink: Psst! guess who?

Coco: Tink you have to put your ears down dummy.

Tink: you big idiot! You just gave away my hiding place!!!! Ugh!!! She wouldn’t have noticed!! I hope you get a dingleberry the size of a tennis ball!!!!

I understand that their recovery is “a marathon, not a sprint.” And I ask for your prayers for the three of us as we continue to work as a family, to continually face our fears to help Tink and Coco with their deficits in playing a simple game that is shared and played throughout all cultures and regions of the world. And how one day we can bring awareness to other cat families about how we can learn to live unaggressive and how to enjoy “family time” comfortably again in the near future. Thanks for your support as we struggle!

Affirmation: I am perfect enough.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife 

And Then There Was Piper

“Kittens are angels with whiskers.”

-Alexis Flora Hope

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy, go away. Today is a special day because I brought this beautiful little girl into our family. She is the epitome of being a survivor.

I had been wanting a new kitten for over a year. And I always thought that the name Onyx would be a great name for a black cat. I looked locally and the black kittens were either feral, no veterinary care or too expensive. But then I saw the story about this litter. And I just could not seem to put it out of my mind.

The story goes like this…Someone left a litter of kittens in a concrete parking lot in a metal cage. And there were two little ones that were hanging on for dear life. I know. I want to find those people and set them on fire too. People are just a special kind of evil for doing things like that. A lady saw them as she pulled up to the store and rescued them. And went to get veterinary care. She and her family also hand fed and spent countless hours and emotions making sure those two babies made it. A month later, I my heart told me, “That little girl is the one.”

Me and the owners talked, and I realized what this special little kitten would be for me. I met up with one of the owners at a neutral place. I got the kitten’s tiny little body out of her crate while she meowed. And I melted and then lost my breath all at once. That little girl melted my heart once I saw her. I lost my breath not from her beauty but from her tiny little “murder mittens” that reached out for safety and grabbed my boob. I felt like I had just been stabbed and was clinging to life. I’m pretty sure I dissociated too. I really hope the fear in my face and the gasp from my throat wasn’t noticed.

To keep from trying to make her a black cat when she is not, I have changed her name to Piper. And from what I can tell, the name suits her simply fine. We need each other. Her sisters Tink and Coco are not grateful for her arrival currently. I am guessing that it is because neither of them wanted to share lap space or cookies. I talked to them like toddlers saying, “We do not hiss and try to bite our friends. She is a kitten. Not a crocodile. And she is your sister.” They did not seem to care about the rationale. And they continue to hiss and sulk.

I am now at my “cat limit.” Me and my girls know how to do two things, “We know how to adapt to change and love.” We do not always do it with a smile on our faces and with love in our hearts. But little Piper is just what the three of us needed to complete our family unit. 

Big brothers, Marshall and Copeland, will give her “a run for her money.” But they will no doubt love her too. She already speaks English and is sassy and mouthy just like her sisters. Stay tuned for more interactions with my three amigos. Welcome Home, Piper! 

Thanks for reading! And Please Spay and Neuter Your Pets!

Affirmation: I am getting to know my new family.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

The Burglar That Wasn’t

“To make mistakes is human; to stumble is commonplace. To be able to laugh at yourself is maturity.”

-William Arthur Ward

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy goes away. Okie dokie! Today I want to tell you about one of my follies. I began many years ago working for a local veterinarian. Ok, it was a long time ago. I wasn’t surprised because my love and very strong connection with animals just led me in that direction. Then the opportunity presented itself so that I could house sit people’s pets while they were away. I have taken care of dogs, cats, frogs, pigs and others that at one time or another had their own follies. This was one of those times.

I was housesitting a little, old poodle named Abby. This old girl is spicy in her own way. She is so sassy, in fact, that when her owners are gone she DEMANDS that I give her multiple treats every time I go see her. While I enjoy spending time with her, we have our own schedule for how we do things. I go to her house and open the door and start looking for her. Being an aged girl, sometimes she doesn’t hear me walk in. I frantically begin looking for her when I don’t see her because in my mind I’m looking for a body. She is in great health to be so old. But the thought that nature will act when I least expect it is one of my greatest fears. I couldn’t find her initially. But I soon find her lying in her cozy bed sound asleep. So, I gently start petting her and startled when she awakens with the look of, “How did you get in here without me knowing?” I always act excited to see her so that she knows that everything is ok on my end of the relationship. However, this particular night had much more in store for me than I bargained for.

I take her outside as usual for her night time potty session. Before I lock up for the night I always make sure that she has food and water available in both areas of the house that have been designated in advance. I walk to the back of the house and enter a back bedroom. What I saw horrified me. There is a purse that has been knocked to the ground and everything strewn from within including lipstick. Naturally, I think, “Oh no! Someone has gotten into the house and robbed Jojo and Poppy!” I look around the room and notice that a family picture has been knocked off the wall and I think, “I have watched many hours of true crime shows and know that these signs are because of something personal.” Then I get really scared. I make a mental note and then begin constructing a plan for how I would reach safety. I can’t scream or make any loud noises because if the criminal was still in the house I could get murdered. I know. My past trauma has led to this moment.

I quickly walk back through the house with my eye on the front door. I also pay very close attention when moving past other doorways while keeping an eye out for intruders. I have a feeling that this night could be my last. I finally make it to the front door and out I go. I don’t know why I didn’t think of Abby at this moment. Apparently, though, I must’ve thought everyone for himself. I make it to the middle of the driveway and call my daddy who lives directly across the street. With a shaking voice and body I tell him, “Jojo and Poppy’s house has been robbed.”  I explained what I had seen and he said he would come over and check things himself. When he makes it to where I’m standing I begin telling the story all over again. As you can imagine, I was very animated.

We walked back into the house together. I am thinking, “Now both me and my daddy are going to die!” I followed him while telling him, “Daddy be careful they could still be in here.” We finally made it to the back bedroom and I showed him exactly what I had seen. He began to look things over and we saw a pack of saltine crackers in one of the recliners that had been absolutely demolished. I said, “Crap! The intruder needed a snack!” So, now I’m positive that the criminal is well nourished and ready to kill. He walks over to where a picture in a frame laid face down on the floor. I said to him, “See that’s what I was telling you.” He bent down to pick it up and he said, “Dana, this is a scale for someone to weigh on.” My eyesight has failed me on numerous occasions. And apparently this was another time. He looked through Jojo’s purse and the scene before us and said, “I bet that dog got those crackers out of her purse and then dragged them over to the recliner where she had her little snack.” I called Jojo reluctantly and explained the situation to which she had a good laugh. She said, “Yea, Abby is probably mad that we’ve been gone too long.” It turns out that that was, in fact, what had happened. There was no boogerman that needed a snack that night. Only a sassy little poodle who thought, “My momma and daddy have been gone too long so, I will eat her leftover crackers in her purse while I drag everything else out. And I’ll set up the whole situation so that Dana will think that she is about to get murdered.”

I tell you this comical story to let you know that it’s ok to laugh at yourself. Life happens sometimes in the most comical of ways. Abby is doing fine and is still demanding multiple treats each time I go to check on her. And that little spicy old lady continues to bless my life each and every time our eyes meet.

“If you can laugh at yourself, you are going to be fine. If you allow others to laugh with you, you will be great.”

-Martin Niemoller

#Thispuzzledlife

The Teachings of a Pandemic

 

A person in public without a mask during a

 pandemic is a walking septic tank.”

 ― Abhijit Naskar.

***This is just a little nugget of gold during the pandemic that I never posted.***

Until very recently I’ve thought that my days of writing were days of long ago. I was writing one day and the next day I fell into a big dark hole of nothingness. My last blog entry on September 25, 2020, entitled Beyond the Mask is about how my life was beyond typical Halloween themes and rewritten into a language that I still wouldn’t understand. Today I sit, one year later, with the latest ideas and revelations about my ongoing therapy. And realizing how sometimes the simple reasons for a smile would once been seen as insignificant.

A pandemic has a way of wiping the smiles off the faces in society. And sometimes society tries to force the pandemic out only for the pandemic to re-emerge with the upper hand. I fell victim to Covid-19 twice with the most recent adventure only a couple of weeks ago. This time, however, I had to cuddle with a blood clot in one of my lungs. How I contracted Covid-19 was sort of perplexing since I hate being in public to a point of phobias at times. And the seclusion for safety by the virus had me fearing everything that much more. So, these days I’m having to force myself to go in public even if it’s just riding in my vehicle or walking down the street. 

What I have enjoyed are the relationships with my cat Coco, my new cat Tinkerbell and my children. Copeland and Marshall have a healthy fear of the virus with comical threats “that they might not breathe again if they take their masks off.”   The boys tell me things like, “Momma I love you so much that I’m going to fart on you next time I see you.”  What boy mom doesn’t melt when her babies say things like that? “And when I see Coco, I’m going to fart on her too!”  Yep, we keep it real like that. I will take that any day over losing one of my children to the virus.

Coco has gone from my sweet kitten to a very voluptuous and very entitled cat. Oh, how I love my Coco! Me and the boys have renamed her as “Coco Momma Lita.”  These days we just refer to her as “big and beautiful.”  Nothing could’ve prepared me for the next little beauty in our lives……Tinkerbell. Or “Tink” for short. Early on I thought the scene might play out like it did for Marley the little kitten that I will never forget. Again, I adopted her from a vet clinic and again this kitten was sick with a big, bad dose of intestinal worms.

Me and this little calico beauty were just meant to be together. I had never seen so much diarrhea in all my life. The stress was unimaginably high for us both. I was headed straight towards psychosis and all she knew was play, play, play and poop. I was lucky in that she was able to hold her own until the medicine began working. But this little girl was determined to make it, and I was determined to somehow make it through a bout of psychosis. All you must know is that it’s scary and you can’t hear what I hear. 

While I took a break from writing my therapy didn’t end. I’ve continued to meet with coach, and I’ve found a new love for scrapbooking. And my “head mates” like that activity too. So, during this pandemic I’ve still found a way to give “my guys” a voice even on telemedicine. So, what has this pandemic taught me? Persistence.

“With COVID-19, we’ve made it to the life raft. Dry land is far away.” 

Marc Lipsitch, epidemiologist

**Don’t forget to watch the video!**

#thispuzzledlife

Splish! Splash! I Was Taking A Bath

“If you can’t laugh at yourself, life is going to seem a whole lot longer than you’d like.” 

~ Natalie Portman

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away! Instantly, I feel better. I need to make a confession. A few weeks ago, I had elbow surgery. No big deal. I’ve had many surgeries throughout my life. Most have been knee surgeries. This time, though, it was going to be “baptism by fire” on how to bathe with one arm. I do my best by keeping the cast dry. This should’ve not been an issue because I’ve done the same thing after knee surgeries. But this time, would prove itself different. 

I get my game plan to hold my arm up while attempting to sit down in my bath water. Uh oh! Ok this little snafu I had not factored into my plan. How would I get down in the water? Just in case I had misjudged my actions, I tried it again. Oh my gosh! My older body was letting me down. I begin thinking about the situation that I’m now faced deal with. I couldn’t call my close friends because if they saw me now, they would be in therapy the rest of their lives. Plus, one of them already has issues with gravity.  She would laugh hysterically while shouting, “KARMA!”  “I couldn’t call coach. Because who would? And I’m also one of those kids that always said, “I do it!”

I develop a new game plan while thinking, “If survivors from the Titanic disaster made it then a measly bathtub situation should be no problem, right?” I began squatting but still I could do nothing but hover over the water. Finally, I realize that the only solution is to just let go and fall in the water the rest of the way. I begin counting “One, two, three. Wait! Wait! Do I let go on three or two?” When you have parts, the agreeing on things internally is seldom accomplished. Some were already laughing. Mainly the teenagers. The kids were saying over and over, “One, two, three Go! One, two, three go!” Others say, “OMG this is going to be a disaster! Call coach! Yes, ask for what you need!” I shout, “Shut up! I’m to keep us alive!” To which the rebuttal comment is “Oh wow! That was not said in a loving kind of way.” My only other statement at this point was, “Well, I don’t feel “Loving” right now!”

Seeing no other way around this situation, I let go and fell back into the bathtub. I remember thinking, “Am I still alive? I accused the bathtub and karma for attempting to drown me.”  One little insider was screaming, “I’m drowning! I’m drowning!” I say, “No you’re not! You just have water in your eyes!” Neither me, the tub nor the bathroom would ever be the same. I felt like I had just done a cannon ball off the diving board. And what had come of it was a tidal wave of water in every inch of that room.

If you allow others to laugh with you, you will be great.”

“Ha! Ha! Ha! I told you I could do it!” I said. So, I took my bath with one arm out with no further incident. I was just going to keep the situation secret and in my back pocket for some time later down the road. I start attempting to get out of the tub like I do with my knee. And I soon realized that I had not thought about how to get back out of the bathtub. So, now I’m trapped in a bathtub and have no idea how I’m going to get out.” Hellfire and damnation! What do I do now?” I shouted. A few minutes go by, and I eventually make it back onto my feet and out of the bathtub. Karma got me good!

~ Martin Niemoller

***Don’t forget to watch the video***

#Thispuzzledlife