emotional abuse

darnold1975

Child Abuse Awareness: When the Safe Places Aren’t Safe

“When the places built to protect children become the places that break them, the wound isn’t just personal. It’s a failure of every adult who chose silence over responsibility.”

-This Puzzled Life

Light the candles. Move the breakables. Tell the ancestors to take their seats and pass the sweet tea. We’re not easing into this one. And before the denial committee calls an emergency meeting to rehearse their “But that’s not what we meant” speeches, let’s go ahead and say the quiet part out loud.

Child abuse doesn’t just happen in the home. It happens in classrooms where teachers misuse authority. In churches where “discipline” is weaponized. In sports programs where adults confuse control with coaching. In friend groups where older kids exploit younger ones. And in any space where a child’s safety depends on an adult’s integrity, and that integrity fails.

Let me say this in the clearest way I know how. And  coming from someone who personally knows a little something on this topic, what happened to you was abuse. And it was a betrayal of power. Schools and other places are supposed to be safe. Adults in those buildings are supposed to protect children. You were not protected. And when abuse happens in a place that claims to be safe, the damage hits on multiple layers at once. It’s not just the act itself. It’s the collapse of every structure that was supposed to shield you.

You were a child. They were adults. The responsibilities were never equal. The conflict you still feel between “their job” and “your role” is a direct result of their failure, not yours. The tactics you endured weren’t just harmful. They were calculated. “Diabolical” would be the right word. The cruelty, the gaslighting, the public humiliation? These are methods designed to break a person’s sense of reality and self‑worth. Many adults would crumble under that kind of psychological warfare. Expecting a child to withstand it is unthinkable. And, yet, if you’re reading this, you did. Not because you should have had to. Not because you were equipped for it. But because you had no choice. That’s not resilience by choice. That’s survival by necessity.

Here are a few sources you might want to dive into.

1. Most child abuse is never reported (all types)

U.S. Department of Justice – Bureau of Justice Statistics“86% of child abuse cases are never reported to authorities.” 🔗 https://bjs.ojp.gov/content/pub/pdf/cv22.pdf (bjs.ojp.gov in Bing) (See section on underreporting of violent crime against children.)

2. Children often disclose abuse but are ignored or silenced

Health & Social Care in the Community (2025) Study on child maltreatment disclosures found that children frequently disclose abuse (physical, emotional, sexual, neglect) but are ignored, dismissed, or punished by adults. 🔗 https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/hsc.14336(onlinelibrary.wiley.com in Bing)

3. Delayed disclosure is common across ALL abuse types

CHILD USA – National Think Tank for Child ProtectionOver 70% of victims delay disclosure for at least five years, regardless of abuse type. 🔗 https://childusa.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Delayed-Disclosure-Report.pdf(childusa.org in Bing)

4. Institutional betrayal: schools, churches, programs often ignore reports

Journal of Child Sexual Abuse (applies to institutional responses across all abuse types) Shows that institutions frequently dismiss, minimize, or cover up reports of abuse.🔗 https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/10538712.2019.1570402 (tandfonline.com in Bing)

Note: While this journal focuses on sexual abuse, the institutional‑betrayal patterns. It’s documents are identical across physical, emotional, and psychological abuse.

5. Teachers and school staff rarely report abuse, even when required by law

U.S. Department of Education Report Only 11% of school personnel who witness or suspect abuse report it. 🔗 https://www2.ed.gov/rschstat/research/pubs/misconductreview/report.pdf (www2.ed.gov in Bing)

6. Children who report abuse are often disbelieved or blamed

National Institute of Justice – Child Abuse Disclosure Research Children frequently disclose abuse but face denial, minimization, or retaliation from adults. 🔗 https://nij.ojp.gov/topics/articles/child-abuse-disclosure-what-research-tells-us (nij.ojp.gov in Bing)

The wound you carry makes sense. Trauma doesn’t fade just because time passes. It imprints itself. It becomes a landmark in the psyche. And  something you walk around, navigate, and learn to live beside. Therapy can help you understand it. But it can’t erase the fact that it happened. And that it shouldn’t have happened. The gaslighting you endured stole something fundamental. Your ability to trust your own perception.

When adults deny a child’s reality, the child learns to doubt themselves. When they shame a child publicly, the child learns their existence is a problem. When adults ignore a child’s cries for help, the child learns that safety is conditional or imaginary. That’s not a child “being dramatic.” That’s a child being abandoned. And then abandonment by the very people who were supposed to protect you happened. The people you trusted were identified as educators, authority figures,  and other adults in power. And that leaves a wound that is both emotional and existential. You were trapped. And that was not your fault.

A child cannot escape a system built around them. A child cannot “just tell someone” when the people they’re supposed to tell are the ones causing the harm or ignoring it. A child cannot “make better choices” when every direction is blocked. You survived in the only ways available to you. Your mind did what it had to do. Your body did what it had to do. Your spirit did what it had to do. Survival is not shameful. Survival is not weak. Survival is not something you owe anyone an explanation for.

 And the fact of the matter is that THE FAILURE WAS THEIRS. NOT YOURS. You were a child. They were adults. They had power. You had none. The responsibility was theirs. The consequences were yours. And that imbalance is the injustice you’re naming. What you lived through would have broken many adults. The fact that you’re here speaking and naming it is refusing to let it stay buried. And that is strength. Even if it doesn’t feel like it. Thanks for reading! And do your part to help protect our children.

Affirmation: “I honor the child who survived what no child should face. I am not defined by what was done to me. I am defined by the courage it takes to speak it.”

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

Dear Abuser: 

I am the revolution you never expected.

Who am I?

I’ll tell you who I am.

I am the light you tried to strangle, the light you tried to stifle in your chokehold.

But my light bled all over the pages of your book, your preconceived narratives, your filthy words and your attempts to bring terror back into the blank space of my eyes.

Who am I?

I’ll tell you who I am.

I birthed revolution in my bones like the many women that came before me.

I ignited flames beneath my skin, using the fiery spirits of women who walked beside me

as matches; we breathed fire into each other’s hearts until the world could see us and from the ashes we were reborn.

Who am I?

I’ll tell you who I am.

I am the fear in your hatred, the pain that you tried to use to violate my sacred spaces, rip me apart until I was nothing,

but I knew I would always be something, somebody, and now I am.

I am layers and layers of the love and power that act as your kryptonite,

and with the words and actions of all those who rose with me, I’ll build an impenetrable wall.

Who am I?

I am the thing that nightmarish people have nightmares about,

wake up sweating about, thinking about —

their furrowed brows tense with self-doubt —

wondering if I and the other warriors I march with could ever come back to life.

Who am I?

I am the restless rebel you tried to bury,

the one you tried to pull out by the root and eradicate when she began to grow from the seed.

Who am I?

I’ll tell you who I am.

I am the girl you left for dead thinking she’d always fall and never rise again.

I am the girl you cut with your razor blade wrath, the girl you thought would never fight back.

I am the girl you underestimated, the woman you tormented, the child whose shackles you tightened.

Who am I?

I think you already know –

I think you understand.

I am the prisoner you tried to cage, the little girl you made afraid –

I am the woman who never gave up, the one who exposed your charade —

Who am I?

I am everything and anything that you will stand againstto try to regain control.

For every source of darkness, there is a bleeding soul,

one that shines so brightly that the entire war zone becomes illuminated.

I am the truth, your karma, the revolt —

I am the resistance, the pieces you tried to keep shattered, coming back together again.

I emerge quietly, but I resound loudly —reverberate through your skin.

My power was never yours, and it was never yours to take.

Who am I?

I am the second coming,

of everything and everyone 

you tried to break.

–Shahida Arabi

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Types Of Domestic Violence: The Final Chapter

“Don’t play his game. Play yours.”

-Rachel Caine, Fall of Night (The Morgancille Campires, #41)

TECHNOLOGY-FACILITATED ABUSE

  • Monitoring text messages, phone records, social media activity, and internet search history.
  • Preventing or forbidding a person from owning or having access to a phone or computer.
  • Sending abusive messages through text, email, social media, or other online platforms.
  • Using technology to track a person’s movements without their permission.
  • Using technology to gather personal information about someone without their permission.
  • Accessing or ‘hacking’ a person’s online accounts without their permission.
  • Impersonating a person online.
  • Using technology to share personal and private images or videos without consent.

v  Luckily, social media and the internet were fairly new things at that time. However, once we separated, he was very threatened through email.

STALKING AND HARASSMENT

  • Following and watching someone, for example watching them from a parked car.

v  I was stalked constantly. And he even went as far as to sit outside my job for the entire shift to make sure I didn’t eat any food that he didn’t approve.

  • Using technology to monitor their movements; this is also called tech abuse.
  • Sending unwanted gifts to a person’s home or workplace.

v  This was done whenever the cycle rolled back around to “love bombing.” He always gave me gifts and the same speech. However, it would only take a couple of days until he was right back to the same thing starting with verbal and emotional abuse.

  • Repeatedly making unwanted contact through phone calls, text messages, emails, social media and other messaging or chat apps.
  • Turning up, uninvited, at the person’s home or workplace, or at social activities.

v  He would always justify his actions with some type of excuse for why he showed up. And he was always lying. He always had a more sinister reason.

  • Installing spyware on a person’s digital devices to get private information, or to secretly record or video them.

v  He and his brother went so far as to tap the phone lines at our house to monitor who I was having conversations with.

  • Using webcams and other forms of video surveillance without the person’s knowledge or consent.

REPRODUCTIVE ABUSE

  • Preventing a person from using birth control or forcing them to have unprotected sex.

v  This happened from the very beginning. I was lucky that I never got pregnant.

Abusers will justify and create new ways of cruelty covered with beautiful paper and a beautiful bow. And to unsuspecting victims, they have no idea what kind of damage is done until many years down the road, if and when they get out and into therapy emphasising on  “deprogramming.” For years, I’ve questioned if what I experienced was true. And that’s the precipous of their game. They teach you how to doubt your own reality,

I left that horrible 14-year relationship, in 2006, battered and broken. Many of the wounds are still evident, and others are in various stages of healing. What I don’t need a degree to diagnose is how deep some of the wounds run. Being conditioned to be someone who you aren’t. And the constant walking on eggshells still wreaks havoc on my nervous system. And I still get overwhelmed  to the point of not being able to make everyday decisions that most take for granted.

What is unseen benefit? For a long time, I never knew the answer to that question. What I did learn was different aspects of human behavior and their “red flags.” Not just physical. But also verbal. I watch how they talk about their other friends and family. I watch non-verbal cues. I watch how they are on both good and bad days. I watch how they communicate. I watch how superficial they are and their intentions. I watch to see, in what ways, they poke fun at another person. Are they being silly or cruel? I watch to see if my needs are considered or is it just “lip service?” But above all, I watch for congruency. I watch behavior with a fine-toothed comb. And for the most part, if I sense that something is off, I’m out. Most of the time, I have to watch them for a little while before deciding about whether or not to end a relationship.

I now listen to my gut. Something that I rarely ever did because he made every decision. And I do mean every decision. My master’s degree never taught me to listen to my gut. Surviving cruelty did. I know what I see. I know what I experience. And your validation is not needed. Thanks for reading! And reach out for HOPE.

Affirmation: I deserve peace.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Types Of Domestic Violence Part 2

“An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless pit. But he’s not so much needy as entitled, so no matter how much you give him, it will never be enough. He will just keep producing more demands because he believes his needs are your responsibility, until you feel drained down to nothing.”

-Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today I want to go over more types of domestic violence. I know that this topic is not an easy one to face. However, domestic abuse occurs in more homes than you realize. Maybe in your own home.

VERBAL ABUSE

·        Ridiculing or humiliating someone.

v  If he were alive and breathing, this would happen from the time I woke up until the time I went to bed.

·        Criticizing their appearance, intelligence, sexuality, religious beliefs, or ethnicity.

v  This happened all the time. I was constantly told that I was dumb and retarded.

·        Criticizing their actions as a partner or parent.

v  All day and every day. The worst was at night and on the weekends. I got blamed for his bad golf game. He had this idea that he was Tiger Woods. And he very clearly wasn’t. But it was always because of something I did that made him play bad. In reality, he just sucks at the game.

·        Using cruel or abusive nicknames.

v  He and his brother always had cruel nicknames for me.

·        Swearing at someone.

v  Most people cuss when they get mad. However, he and his brother were relentless in their attacks.

·        Yelling or screaming at someone.

v  Again, I think that a certain amount would be considered normal. However, screaming and hollering at me for everything little thing was how they both operated.

SOCIAL ABUSE

·       Stopping someone from seeing or contacting their friends and family.

v  He didn’t physically stop me. However, it was very clear that I was not leaving the house without specific information about where I was going and what I was doing. And if that wasn’t what he wanted, I was told not to go at all.

·       Stopping someone from going to social or community activities.

v  Unless he went with me, I was told, “No. You don’t need to go do that.”

·       Preventing someone from having contact with people who speak their language or share their culture.

·       Making someone move away from friends, family, or work opportunities.

 

·       Controlling a person’s use of phone or computers.

v On more than one occasion, when I went to call for help from police, he would unplug the phone so that I couldn’t use it.

·       Checking or stopping their mail, phone calls, text messages, emails, social media and other messaging or chat apps.

v  Luckily, there was not much of this that was available at the time. There was barely internet, and I better not have an email address. I had a Nokia cellphone which he checked constantly.

·       Telling lies or spreading false information to damage a person’s reputation.

v  This happened all the time. Especially when he talked to his family. The smear campaign was always in action.

·       Using someone’s intersex status, sexuality, gender expression, transgender, or HIV status against them.

v  He never knew that I was a lesbian. Hell, why would I tell him when the violence was bad enough.

·       Forced marriage

v  The day of my wedding, I knew that I was making the biggest mistake of my life. I was frozen with fear. But it was what he continually pushed for marriage. And I eventually gave in. Biggest mistake of my life!

·       Stalking

v  This happened every single day. If it wasn’t him, it was his friends and family who did the stalking. At the end of the day, I was questioned about everything that I had done and was told, “Well, what about when you were walking around in that store.” He knew every move that I made. It even got so bad that he knew what I had eaten during the day.

SPIRITUAL, RELIGIOUS OR CULTURAL ABUSE

  • Preventing someone from practicing and being connected to their culture.
  • Stopping someone from going to their place of worship.
  • Stopping someone from having contact with other people who share their beliefs.
  • Stopping someone from celebrating days of cultural or spiritual significance.
  • Stopping someone from sharing their beliefs and traditions with their children.
  • Stopping someone who is Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander from returning to Country or having contact with kin.
  • Stopping someone who has family connections outside Australia from visiting or connecting with family or community overseas.
  • Ridiculing someone’s beliefs or traditions.
  • Forcing someone to do things that are against their beliefs, like eating certain foods or wearing certain clothes.
  • Forcing someone to marry.

The pressure was definitely applied when I was undecided.

  • Forcing someone to take part in spiritual practices in which they don’t believe.
  • Forcing someone to raise their children according to beliefs they don’t agree with.
  • Using or claiming to use spiritual or religious beliefs:

Let me just say this about him and his spiritual practices. He always went through the motions and played the part. He even pretended to get “saved” and was baptized. However, that was as far as it went. Because when we got home the abuse continued to happen. But now he had a Bible to justify his actions.

Thanks again for reading! I hope I was able to share a little lighter on the subject of domestic violence. There is help and hope after abuse. Reach out for the love and respect that you deserve. Keep moving forward!

Affirmation: I will not shrink.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Types of Domestic Violence

“If you aren’t silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.”

-Zora Neale Hurston

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about some of the behaviors that fit under the umbrella of domestic violence. It wasn’t until I  was out of the relationship for a while before I began to see  information validating  what I always knew. This is not comprehensive list by any means. 

COERCIVE CONTROL OR CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR

·        Control who a person sees, wears and where they go. 

v  This was considered normal in my relationship. He dictated everything that I wore. If I chose what I wanted to wear, he would tell me to,  “go change. You look ridiculous.” And I was afraid to go somewhere without asking his permission.

·        Monitor or track what a person does. 

v  This was also something that was done on a daily  basis. He would call me wherever I was supposed to be and verify it by employees.

·        Control a person’s finances, medicine, food, or exercise.

v  He always told me that I was not allowed food that he didn’t approve. And I was required to be at the gym at 5:30 am every morning. And he would call and speak with those employees about what type of exercise I was doing. I was also not allowed to spend any money without permission.

·        Force someone to have sex or do sexual things.

v  I was never given the option to make that choice. I was threatened if I even spoke about that.

PHYSICAL VIOLENCE

·        Hitting, punching, kicking, bashing, shoving, or pushing.

This happened more times than I can count. He did kick me in the face. But when he and his brother teamed up together, it was worse. The main reason is because my husband didn’t want to say that he participated. And because they always threatened and intimidated me into silence, I never said anything. His brother was his “yes man.” And my husband pulled the strings.

·        Spitting on someone or pulling hair.

·        Choking or suffocating.

v  This typically happened during forced sex. Or whenever his brother would get mad at me, he would choke me as a form of intimidation.

·        Throwing things at or near someone.

·        Using a weapon.

v  This was always pointed at me or laid out somewhere as a form of threats and intimidation.

·        Locking someone in or out of space.

v  This was often done to show control.

·        Stopping someone from eating, sleeping, or having medication they need.

v  Every piece of food had to be given an account. One of his favorite things he would allow me to have for a snack was ten olives and ten pistachios. He would come home from work and completely berate me if I weren’t already up. And it didn’t matter that I had just worked a 24-48 shift. He always told me that medication was a crutch. He got mad because I had been given muscle relaxers for a hurt back and proceeded to kick me in the face and throw my medication out into the rain. I was also not allowed to take any psychiatric meds for depression or mood stabilization because, “why do you need anti-depressants when I’m so good to you? And what if someone finds out that you’re taking this? I don’t want anyone knowing that my wife is crazy. Then it makes me look bad. Why don’t you care about that?”

·        Forcing someone to drink or take drugs.

v  I did this on my own to help deal with being under his crazy world of control.

SEXUAL VIOLENCE

·       Touching or kissing someone without their consent.

v I was made to accept his advances. 

·       Pressuring or forcing someone to have sex or do something sexual without their consent.

v  I was told, “Either you give it to me, or I’ll take it. Either way, I’m getting what I want. Make your decision.” Many times, I was bruised or bleeding by the time he was done with me. I had no voice in any matter. He was the “warden,” and I was his “prisoner.” My whole sexual relationship with him was simply RAPE.

·       Pressuring or forcing someone to have sex without protection such as a condom.

v I was told early on, “I’m not using protection because it burns my dick. If you really loved me, you wouldn’t  put stipulations on how I fuck you.”

*I know this is explicit. However, I want you to get an accurate description of the situation.*

IMAGE-BASED ABUSE

·        Sharing private images of a person without their consent, for example images of them undressing or showering.

·        Sharing culturally inappropriate images of a person, for example images in which they do not wear items of clothing that they would normally wear in public.

·        Sharing intimate or sexualized images of a person without their consent.

·        Producing and sharing images that have been digitally altered to suggest a person is nude or engaged in sexual activity.

·        Threatening to do any of these things.

        *I found out later on that his brother would secretly be filming or watching us having sex.*

EMOTIONAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE

·        Criticizing a person and their choices or actions.

v  In his mind, he thought that I was too stupid to make decisions that were considered “correct.” All he ever told me what how stupid and retarded I was.

·        Isolating a person form their friends or their family.

v  Some friendships I lost forever because they just thought that I abandoned them. What they failed to see was that I would get accused of all kinds of stuff if I disobeyed him. Those who have never been in an abusive situation can’t comprehend losing your power to stand up for yourself. It was just easier to do what he said. Some former friends haven’t even talked to me since that time. And that is about them not me.

·        Threatening to harm a person, their family, their friends, their pets, or their belongings.

v  He always made threats about things he would and could do with keepsakes or my innocent animals. And if he and his brother didn’t feel that I was getting the picture, they would show up at my parents’ house and start harassing them.

·        Threating them to share personal or private information, such as sexuality, gender identity, personal health, or visa status (https://www.act.gov.au/community/domestic-family-and-sexual-violence/types-of-domestic-and-family-violence, 2025).

This topic will be spread over a few blogs. As you can see, when I add personal experience, the blog gets much longer. Stay patient and learn from this. It’s a hell that most people can’t understand. And I’m telling you that it’s all true. I was living in a prison without visible bars. Thanks for reading! And watch for the second part in the coming days.

Affirmation: I remember that it is ok to ask for help and receive support.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

National Domestic Violence Awareness Month

“Never stop fighting for your freedom, you are worth it.”

-DA Survivor-Anon

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negativity energy, go away. Today is the beginning of Domestic Violence Awareness Month. This month is when our voices from all over the globe will be heard. We as victims, survivors and warriors bring to light the horrors of domestic violence and the impact that it leaves on our lives and those around us. Let’s take time out for a little education on a few of the topics surrounding domestic violence.

Domestic Violence is a topic that I know a lot about. Well, I know how to function in it. And I know how to get away from it. But living with the aftereffects reveal a whole other set of problems. Where domestic violence used to be seen as something that only happens to women and their partners. There is more awareness on the abuse of men by their partners. No matter how you identify. It also happens to the most innocent, children and pets. This happens in all forms of relationships. And the statistics are staggering.

Domestic violence is violence committed by someone in the victim’s domestic circle. Which include partners and ex-partners, immediate family members, and other relatives and family friends (https://www.UN.org, 2025). The behaviors can include such things as:

·        Physical

·        Sexual

·        Emotional

·        Financial

·        Psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person.

This includes any behavior that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone. The repetitive exposure to violence teaches children that violence is a normal way of life (https://dvcc.delaware.gov, 2025). And for those of us who leave, constant confusion and every minute of no knowing when something else will happen again, is our normal. And the many years of programming by our abusers takes years of therapy to de-program ourselves. But you will never be who you used to be.

Recovery is not for the faint of heart. It is hard and uncomfortable. And it takes years to undo the damage that was caused on so many levels. I was one of the lucky ones. Long story short, I survived. But the mental damage that was caused has left me crippled in some ways. And through the sleepless nights filled with tears, therapy, psychiatric medications, body memories, flashbacks, phobias, and panic attacks, I have learned that I have a voice that deserves to be heard. And no matter what people say or believe, I can validate my own story regardless of the opinions of others. Because I lived it. 

The main thing I want to say to other women and men across the globe who are still in their own processes, “YOU ARE NOT ALONE!” Because it happened to me too. Thanks for reading! Keep smiling and pushing forward.

Affirmation: My light shines even in the dark.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

SUICDE AWARENESS AND PREVENTION GROUPS PART 2

“I had gotten to the point where I was suicidal every day for six straight years…On that day, I made a choice. The choice to live, the choice to get better for me.”

-Justin

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy, go away. Today, I want to tell you about a couple more suicide awareness and prevention groups. I wish I could cover them all. Unfortunately, there are just way too many. Please familiarize yourself and those you love and are affected.

Stop Soldier Suicide 

This is the only national nonprofit focused on solving the issue of suicide among U.S. veterans and service members. They have an aggressive goal of reducing the suicide rate by 40% by 2030. Veterans are at a 58% higher risk of suicide than those who haven’t served.

Other statistics about veteran suicide:

·       6,407 veteran suicides in 2022.

·       22 consecutive years with 6000+ veteran suicides.

·       140K+ veterans have died by suicide since 2001.

·       Second leading cause of death in veterans under age 45.

·       The rate of veteran firearm suicide has increased by 65%.

·       The suicide rate among veterans ages 18-34 has more than doubled.

·       Western states have experienced the greatest increase in veteran suicide rate, increasing by 55%.

·       31% Depending on branch, up to 31% of service members develop PTSD after returning from combat.

·       7x the rated of suicide for veterans in the LGBTQ+ community is up 7x higher that for non-LGBTQ+ veterans.

The organization’s impact on veteran suicide.

·       90%+ of our most at-risk clients completed a crisis response plan in 2023, giving them tools and resources to cope in moments of crisis.

·       73% of clients experienced a decrease in thoughts of suicide over the course of treatment.

·       92% of clients who were meaningfully engaged in our care showed some improvement in mental wellbeing by the end of treatment (www.stopsoldiersuicide.org, 2025).

The Trevor Project

The Trevor Project was founded in August 1998 by the creators, James Lecesne, Peggy Rajski, and Randy Stone, of the Academy Award-winning short film “Trevor.” The film was about a gay teen who attempted suicide. The filmmakers then established a crisis hotline for LGBTQ+ youth after realizing that there was not a resource available. They have since expanded services to include text and chat support and resources for parents, schools and others seeking support for LGBTQ+ support (https://obamawhitehouse.archives.gov, 2025).

Crisis Services: Providing counseling support services for LGBTQ+ young people 24/7 all year around.

Peer Support: Providing  an affirming international community for LGBTQ+ youth.

Advocacy: Working to change hearts, minds, and laws in support of LGBTQ+ lives.

Research: We conduct research studies to equip policymakers and other LGBTQ+ youth providing professionals.

The Mission

To end suicide among LGBTQ+ youth by providing crisis support, suicide prevention resources, and educational programs (www.thetrevorproject.org, 2025).

Thanks again for reading. The more education and resources we can provide each other with, the better the outcomes for us all. Please pass this information along to anyone who could benefit. I am one of those who suicide has affected my life in epic proportions. I am also one who continues to fight for understanding and compassion in a world that is lacking.

Affirmation: I am not alone, and others care about me.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

LGBTQ+ And Suicide

“Our country is grappling with a youth mental health crisis, and it is particularly pronounced for LGBTQ+ youth.”

-Ronita Nath

 Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy, go away. Today, keeping in line with the topic of suicide, I want to discuss suicide in the LGBTQ+ community. 

The prevalence of suicide in the LGBTQ+ community is nothing new. The risk for suicide attempts and suicidal ideation can be 3 to 6 times greater for lesbian, gay and bisexual adults according to the National Institutes of Health. But there are also other statistics to keep in mind.

In 2024, 39% of LGBTQ+ youth considered attempting suicide according to The Trevor Project’s national survey. 1 in 10 of LGBTQ+ youth attempted suicide in the past year. And LGBTQ+ youth are more than four times likely to attempt compared to heterosexual youth. I can tell you that personally, I’ve been suicidal many times because of rejection from my family as a lesbian woman.

Transgender and Nonbinary identified individuals are at an even higher rate of suicide. And almost half seriously considered suicide in the past year. In 2022, 80% of transgender people had considered suicide and 40% had attempted. These statistics while staggering are not surprising. These demographic struggles are way more than they should be with little compassion from society.

Bisexual identified individuals are 1.5 times more likely to report thoughts and attempts compared to gay and lesbian individuals. And 2.98 times more likely to have  a suicide-related event compared to heterosexuals according to a 2022 study. And  the LGBTQ+ youth of color report higher rates of suicidal ideation and attempts compared to white peers (www.therevorproject.org, 2025). And there are several contributing factors such as:

·        Discrimination and Prejudice:discrimination, harassment and violence due to sexual orientation or gender identity increases the risk of suicide.

·        Lack of Support Systems: Limited social support from family, peers and community exacerbates the mental health challenges. 

·        Mental Health Disparities: LGBTQ+ individuals are more likely to experience depression and may face barriers to accessing mental health services (https://mhanational.org, 2025).

For someone who is a member of the LGBTQ+ community, I can tell you that I’ve considered suicide many times. The rejection from family and friends are sometimes more than I can bare. And having worked with someone in therapy many years ago, who was not sensitive to the needs of someone in these communities, there was little progress made. Mainly, because I couldn’t trust her. And she was extremely judgmental.

Since collaborating with coach for almost a decade, I can tell you that I have been able to fully accept the fact that I’m gay, despite my family’s disapproval. And then the religious communities also seem to greet us with bible verses telling how many ways we are going to hell. We all know that “choosing” to be gay is such an easier way of life. There the secret is out. 

With the current political administration taking away the rights and freedoms that the Stonewall riots stood against, and the lack of funding for suicide hotlines for LGBTQ+ youth, these rates will only climb. Our families, friends, churches, and government should be ashamed of standing by people who are ok with the policies set in place. We are the same as we ever were. We just wear rainbows now. 

There are those beautiful allies out there who remain the strength and backbone of our continual fight for equality. We are youth, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, husband, and wives who just want to be recognized as equals in the eyes of the law. But where reputations and political agendas are from the far right, we must be even more solidified as a community. If someone is for rights with some and not others, I have no room for them in my life. But it’s taken me years to come to this conclusion. 

Is it lonely? At times, yes. However, I want people in my life who not only support me but also my friends. The suicide hotline is something that our community not only wants but needs. Many of us have non-supporting families and mine is no different. But I do have a place to live currently. But that does not constitute me putting up with homophobia or fragile masculinity and femininity.

The very few “true” friends I have, understand that being gay is not a “choice.” It’s who I am. And if that’s too much for someone to manage, that’s just too damn bad. To my fellow allies and community members, keep up the good fight. We must take up the original Pride flag are carry on. I love our colors. And I’m proud to call myself a member of the LGBTQ+ community.

Keep smiling. Keep shining. Knowing you can always count on me, for sure. That’s what friends are for. We are seen. And we are heard. And….WE ARE FABULOUS! Thanks for reading. Take what you can use and leave the rest.

Affirmation: I am proud of myself and will continue to strive to do well.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Attack On Freedom

“The attacks of September 11th  were intended to break our spirit. Instead, we have emerged stronger and more unified. We feel renewed devotion to the principles of political, economic and religious freedom, the rule of law and respect for human life. We are more determined more than ever to live our lives in freedom.”

-Then-New York City Mayor Rudulph Giuliani

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. There’s no way if you have lived since September 11, 2001, that you don’t remember when our great nation was sneak attacked by Middle Eastern “thugs” under the direction of an evil man on a dialysis machine. It was an attack on freedom similar to the attack on Pearl Harbor.

I will never forget the day that 9/11 happened. I was working for a local veterinarian during a truly horrible time in my life. I was in a horribly, abusive marriage where I never got to experience true freedom. I was also in the depths of addiction that was slowly killing me. And he made sure that I was also controlled by an extremely painful eating disorder. I was essentially a mess in every area of my life. 

The vet’s office that I worked at had a small television that was usually put on a news channel for waiting clients. That particular day I was busy being miserable, high and working at top speed. The area that I worked in was the puppy and kitten adoption center that was always busy. I was busy cleaning cages and feeding those cute babies when I took time out to go look for something in the main waiting area. I walked in and one of the receptionists said, “Dana, look at what’s just happened.” I turned to look at the television screen at a picture that you only saw in movies. I saw an area of a building where an apparent plane had crashed into it. I said, “Do you really have time to watch a movie?” They quickly said, “No. A plane was hijacked and flew into one of the twin towers.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and seeing. I said, “Wait! What?! That doesn’t even make sense.” And for many months following the thought was the same.

Even now I still don’t completely understand how someone could hate Americans to that extent. I took a moment to reflect on everything that I had experienced in life. I looked around to realize that Americans have turned on her own people as evidenced by racism, sexism, homophobia, gender phobia, transphobia, abuse, domestic violence, drug addiction, gang violence, child abuse, mass shootings, school shootings, dangerous elected officials and many other things. But this was so different. It’s almost the attitude of “You can’t come up in our house and kick our ass! We kick our own ass!”

For a moment though, our stature as a “free nation” had been “sucker punched.” Suddenly, whether someone was poisoning our families with their “gayness” wasn’t a big issue. The disruption of cohesiveness within society based on whether someone was wearing a blue or red bandana came to a screeching halt. Hurricane Katrina wasn’t even a meteorological thought. We, as a nation, sat in stunned silence at the harshness of our new realities. Members of our beloved families were now gone. Now we didn’t care if the people in power were red, blue or orange. We just wanted those responsible to pay and pay dearly. We no longer had such different beliefs about life as a whole. And then, the second plane hit.

At this point, it was absolute pandemonium trying to find the source of the betrayal and eliminate it quickly. And then in exactly 1 hour and 24 minutes, heroes from our families did their part to save others from their certain demise by overtaking the cockpit of yet another hijacked plane with a mission of killing as many Americans as possible. That brave group of people who decided that enough was enough said this, “Are you out of your mind?! Who in the hell do you think you are? Let’s roll.”

The skyline of New York City would lose the twin towers as they collapsed from total annihilation. The damage had just been too great. The North Tower of the World Trade Center stood for another 102 minutes. The South Tower stood  approximately 56 minutes after the second impact. Almost immediately, rescue efforts to find survivors and/or bodies began and would continue for the next nine months.

By May 2002, the World Trade Center site had been cleared. The rescue and recovery efforts consisted of more than 108,000 truckloads of debris and 1.8 million tons of wreckage that were removed along with many other people who were never found (redcross.org). On September 11, 2001, the terrorist attacks on the United States of America killed 2,977 people including hijackers. And of these, 3,000 children lost a parent (nymag.com, 2014).

 Lady Liberty at the direction of then President George Bush, was pointed in the direction of the Middle East where members of the terroristic organization, Al-Qaeda, and would soon make those “desert thugs” pay for many years to come. We were, again, becoming a group of people who stood with a united front and said, “Your attack on freedom will come at a heavy cost.” And it seemed like the term “functioning” would now have new boundaries.

President Bush addressed the workers and families at 9/11 ground zero by saying…”I can hear you! I can hear you! The rest of the world hears you! And the people-and the people who knocked these buildings down will hear all of us soon!”

And he launched Operation Enduring Freedom in Afghanistan on October 7, 2001. And expanded the “War on Terror” beyond Afghanistan which would lead to the invasion of Iraq. The attacks also led to the establishment of the Department of Homeland Security in 2002 and the Patriot Act (www.cfr.org, 2025). This led to a 20-year conflict that led to the loss of over  7,000 American lives (https://usafacts.org, 2024). 

Major players in the terrorists’ attacks and the aiding and protection of additional terrorists were Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin-Laden. They were both hunted down and eventually executed. Saddam was convicted by the Iraqi High Tribunal of crimes against humanity. And was sentenced to death by hanging. He was executed on December 30, 2006.

On May 2, 2011, the United States conducted Operation Neptune Spear, where SEAL Team Six shot and killed Osama bin Laden at his “Waziristan Haveli” in Abbottabad, Pakistan. He was buried at sea to prevent his grave from becoming a shrine for his followers (History.com, 2025).

When an organization or a group of people decide that American “infidels” are a waste of air and skin, the destruction was immense. And there had been no sneak attack on our nation since Pear Harbor in 1941.We, as a nation, have proven time and time again that when you attack the freedoms of the United States of America, your lives will be diminished like the innocent lives that were ended in the September 11thattacks. Thanks for reading! And God bless the United States of America.

Affirmation: I believe in the resilience and freedom of America. I live with patriotism which I hold true.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Cyberbullying And Suicide

 “Be careful because cyberspace is a two way street those that hunt and stalk and troll can also become the hunted by those that they harass and attack. Cyberspace has a definite dark side.”

Don Holbrook

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy, go away. Today, I want to talk about another reason that people are committing suicide. It’s the inevitable factor of cyberbullying.

Cyberbullying is bullying with the use of digital technologies. Research consistently indicates that there is a strong correlation between being a victim of cyberbullying and increased suicidal ideations. In fact, once study showed that students who are subjected to cyberbullying are 4 times as likely to commit suicide. And a major increase occurred during the COVID-19 pandemic). Another study found that cyber bullying increases suicidal thoughts by 14.5% and suicide attempts by 8.7%. The limitations are since there is usually not just one factor that contribute to suicide (www.nih.gov, 2025).

I can tell you that as an 8th grader adult bullied me where I was supposed to be safe, at school. And though there was no cyberbullying at the time, due to lack of access to the internet, I quickly began having suicidal ideations that have plagued me ever since. When you’re a child, bullying is such a violation and betrayal. And for me there was no way out. So, I had to fight the best way I knew how. Sometimes it was quiet while escaping within my mind. And sometimes, it was through pure aggression. Sadly, aggression was the only thing to make it all stop even for a moment. But the colossal damage had already been done. 

That year of bullying set the precedence for how my life would turn out. I lost all confidence in myself and my abilities. My self-worth was destroyed. And I turned to the only thing that seemed to accept me no matter what my condition. It was addiction. By the time I started high school, I was a full-blown addict of drugs, alcohol, self-harm and eating disorders. And at almost 50 years old, I continue to struggle with them.

I learned that no one was a “safe” person. I learned that if anyone were going to protect me, it would have to be me. I learned that taking the first shot at someone was the safest way to live. I also concluded that no one that I saw as an “underdog” would ever have to fight their own battle again if I were there. I asked for help but was denied. And when I did, the abuse only got worse.

Cyberbullying takes on a whole new level of abuse. And the damage can be irreparable. It’s said and done by people who don’t have to look at you in the face. And typically, most people wouldn’t have the balls to say those same things if done in person. Since our national politics are so unstable, I would venture to say that the amount of cyberbullying would increase significantly. Below are a couple of the cases that I wanted to show you about. There is no way to list them all.

Megan Meier’s Case (2006): a 13-year-old American girl who committed suicide after being bullied on MySpace. The bullying was orchestrated by an adult neighbor, Lori Drew, posing as a teenage boy. The adult was the mother of a classmate. The mother was found guilty of cyberbullying in 2009. However, the conviction was later overturned.

Texas Child Suicide (2023): A child in Texas died by suicide during an online game due to alleged cyberbullying. The suspect lived in Michigan who eventually plead guilty to crimes related to aiding suicide and harassment causing death (www.nbcnews.com, 2023).

In the world that we live in, it is imperative for us parents to pay close attention as possible to what our kids are doing and with whom they are interacting. I do not live under the delusion that it is possible to know everything. I am not God. The only thing I know to do is to regularly talk to my children about the dangers of cyberbullying. And that just because someone is on your “friends list,” doesn’t mean that they are really friends. And that predators disguised as heaven will often put you through hell. And even with that knowledge, I know that I can’t protect every facet of their lives. The very essence of a predator is to go undetected. And to operate in the shadows, often in plain sight.

I hope that you have gained useful information on this topic. I continue to learn each time I blog. And maybe, it’s bringing some type of comfort as I look at these difficult topics. I write thinking, “What can I do to help other parents?” And then, BOOM! Another blog appears. Thanks for reading! As always, take what you can use and leave the rest. Keep smiling. And stay informed.

Affirmation: I forgive myself for believing when I’m bullied it’s my fault because I let it happen, or I was in the wrong place, or I should have known better.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife