Parenting

darnold1975

My Cat Tried to Call the Therapy Coach and Now We’re in a Full‑Blown Feline Intervention

“My system handles trauma like professionals. But the cats handle drama like they’re auditioning for a reality show called Real Housewives of the Litter Box.”

-This Puzzled Life

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Secure the breakables. Today’s episode of This Puzzled Life features a full‑blown feline committee meeting after Piper, chaos in fur form, announced that she “might have Dissociative Identity Disorder.”

I have Dissociative Identity Disorder. Piper, however, is simply dramatic. And Tinkerbell and Coco are done with her antics. Welcome back where the sage is burning. The humidity is disrespectful. And the cats are holding more meetings than a Mississippi school board.

This morning started like any other. I was minding my business. Drinking my coffee. And trying to keep my nervous system from filing a complaint with HR. When Piper strutted into the room and announced that she “might have Dissociative Identity Disorder.” Before I could even blink, she was paw‑dialing my therapy coach like she had Blue Cross Blue Shield and a co‑pay. And that’s when Tinkerbell and Coco called an emergency meeting. Because apparently, in this house, I’m not the only one with a system. I’m just the only one with a diagnosis.

Tinkerbell climbed onto the arm of the couch like she was chairing a Mississippi church committee.

Tinkerbell: “This meeting will now come to order. Piper has made a claim. A bold one.”

Piper: “Ok. Well, there is no easy way to say this. I have DID.”

Tinkerbell: “Piper, having nine lives is not the same thing as having nine personalities. Stop confusing reincarnation with psychology.”

Coco: “Yeah, girl. Nine lives just means you make nine bad decisions. Not that you need nine therapists.”

Piper gasps, fluffs up, dramatic tail twitch

Piper:  “Wow! So, nobody believes me? Nobody supports my journey? I’m being silenced. This is oppression. I’m calling coach right now!”

Coco: “You can’t even remember where you left your toy mouse. Sit down.”

Piper: “I am a complex being with layers!”

Tinkerbell: “You’re a lasagna with fur. Calm down.”

Coco flicked her tail like she was swatting away generational trauma.

Coco: “She doesn’t have DID. She has Too Much Drama Disorder.”

Piper, sprawled across a pillow like a Victorian widow, sighed dramatically.

Piper: “Sometimes I feel like different versions of me.”

Tinkerbell blinked slowly. The kind of blink that says, Lord, give me strength.

Piper sat up, whiskers trembling with self‑importance.

Piper: “Sometimes I’m sweet. Sometimes I’m spicy. Sometimes I’m feral. That’s at least three personalities.”

Coco rolled her eyes so hard she almost saw her past lives.

According to Piper, and only Piper, she “dissociates” at least three times a day. To everyone else in the house, she simply forgets what she’s doing because she’s Piper.

This morning, she was walking toward her food bowl with purpose, confidence, and the swagger of a cat who believes she pays rent. Halfway there, she froze. Stared into the void. And blinked like she’d just been unplugged and rebooted.

Tinkerbell watched her with the patience of a grandmother who’s seen too much.

Tinkerbell: “She’s not dissociating. She’s buffering.”

Coco flicked her tail

Coco: “That’s not a switch. That’s a brain fart.”

But Piper insisted.

Piper: “I think I dissociated. I forgot what I was doing.”

Tinkerbell sighed

Tinkerbell: “Sweetheart, you forget what you’re doing because you have the attention span of a dust bunny.”

Coco: “If staring at the wall counts as dissociating, then every cat on Earth needs a therapist.”

Piper, unbothered, continued staring into the middle distance like she was receiving messages from the universe.

Piper: “I just drifted away.”

Tinkerbell: “You drifted because you saw a dust particle and got confused.”

Coco: “You’re not dissociating. You’re daydreaming with commitment.”

Coco: “That’s called being a cat.”

Tinkerbell nodded

Tinkerbell: “You’re not special, darling. You’re just enthusiastic.”

Piper gasped like someone insulted her casserole at a church potluck.

Piper: “So you’re saying I’m dramatic?”

Coco: “I’m saying you’re Piper.”

This is where things went off the rails. Piper marched over to my phone. Tapped the screen with her paw, and said,

Piper: “I’m calling our therapy coach. I need a professional opinion.”

Tinkerbell nearly fell off the couch.

Tinkerbell: “Absolutely not. You are not dragging a licensed human into your nonsense.”

Coco leapt forward like she was blocking a football pass.

Coco: “Put the phone down. You don’t even know the passcode.”

Piper: “I know it’s numbers.”

Tinkerbell: “That is not enough.”

Piper: “I just want to ask if I have DID.”

Coco: “You don’t even have object permanence.”

Tinkerbell gestured toward me like she was presenting a case study.

Tinkerbell: “Our mom has DID. That’s a real thing. A trauma thing. A serious thing.”

Coco nodded, suddenly solemn

Coco: “She’s strong. She’s healing. She’s doing the work. You, on the other hand, tried to eat a rubber band yesterday.”

Piper: “It looked like a noodle.”

Tinkerbell: “It was not a noodle.”

Coco: “You’re not dissociating. You’re just unsupervised.”

Tinkerbell cleared her throat like a judge delivering a sentence

Tinkerbell: “Piper does not have DID. What she does have is excessive enthusiasm, poor impulse control, a flair for the dramatic, and a mother who spoils her.

Coco: “Case closed. Someone bring snacks.”

Piper: “I still think I should call the therapy coach.”

Tinkerbell: “If you touch that phone again, I’m calling Jesus.”

And as we wrap up this episode of Cats Who Need Supervision, I’ve realized something important. Living with DID is complex, sacred, and deeply human. But living with these cats is a full‑time job with no benefits and no union representation.

Some days my system is grounded and organized. Other days it’s buffering like a Dollar Tree Wi‑Fi router in a thunderstorm. And meanwhile, Piper is over here diagnosing herself with conditions she found on TikTok. Tinkerbell is exhausted. Coco is judging everyone. And Piper is still trying to call the therapy coach.

To all of us I wish healing, much laughter, surviving, and keeping the phone away from the cat who thinks she needs a treatment plan. And Piper? She’s grounded from the phone until further notice. Thanks for reading! Hug a cat if they let you.

Affirmation: Every part of you is powerful and worthy. And Piper, in all her chaotic glory, fully supports your healing while acting like she’s the self‑appointed spokesperson for your system.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

Self‑Harm Awareness Month: Where Growth Happens and My Nervous System Tries Its Best

“I didn’t choose the healing journey. The healing journey chose, dragged me and asked for gas money.”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. It’s Self‑Harm Awareness Month, and if there’s one thing this month teaches us, it’s that healing is messy, sacred, and occasionally accompanied by a cat sitting on your chest like a furry emotional support paperweight.

Self‑harm is one of those topics people whisper about like it’s Voldemort, taxes, or the time they accidentally liked their ex’s Instagram post from 2014. But here? We talk about it with honesty, compassion, and the kind of humor that keeps us from spontaneously combusting. Self‑harm isn’t about attention. It’s about pain. And the people who say otherwise are usually the same ones who think essential oils can cure a broken femur.

Self‑harm doesn’t happen because someone is weak. It happens because someone is overwhelmed, hurting, or trying to survive emotions that feel too big for one body. It’s a coping mechanism. Not a character flaw. But the world loves to misunderstand what it doesn’t want to deal with. People will say things like, “Just think positive!,” “Have you tried yoga?,” “My cousin’s neighbor’s dog used to feel sad too.” Ma’am. Self‑harm is not cured by downward dog or inspirational throw pillows.

Let’s look at how the addiction occurs. The brain notices that shift and files it under: “This worked.” Not because it’s healthy. However, because it changed the emotional state quickly. The body reinforces it by sending a rush of endorphins, adrenaline, and dopamine. These chemicals temporarily reduce emotional pain or numbness. That relief, even if brief, can make the brain want to repeat the behavior. This is the same reinforcement loop seen in many addictions. Next, the cycle becomes automatic. And with overtime urgency , the brain starts linking stress → self‑harm, numbness → self‑harm, shame → self‑harm, and emotional overload → self‑harm. It becomes a reflex. A pattern, not a personality trait. A survival strategy, not a moral failing. And then shame strengthens the cycle. People who self‑harm often feel guilt, embarrassment, fear of being judged, or the pressure to hide. Those feelings can increase emotional distress. Which can then trigger the urge again. It becomes a loop that’s incredibly hard to break alone. And finally, it’s not about wanting to die. For many people, self‑harm is about wanting to feel something, wanting to feel less, wanting control, wanting relief, and wanting the emotional noise to stop. It’s a coping mechanism that becomes addictive because the pain underneath it is overwhelming. People don’t heal because they’re scolded. They heal because they’re understood.

What does help? Why don’t you try some compassion, support, safe conversations, professional care, people who don’t minimize your pain, and a community that refuses to let shame win. Some days you glide. Some days you wobble. Some days you crash into a display of discounted cereal and pretend it was part of your spiritual journey. Healing is allowed to be imperfect. You are allowed to be imperfect. You are allowed to take up space while you figure things out. “Keep going. Rest when you need to. And stop carrying pain alone.” You deserve support. You deserve compassion. You deserve to be here. And you deserve to heal without shame breathing down your neck like a judgmental church lady.

Self‑Harm Awareness Month isn’t about fear. It’s about understanding. It’s about breaking silence. It’s about reminding people they’re not alone. Not now, not ever. So, here’s to choosing growth even when it feels like a group project we didn’t sign up for, choosing compassion even when our patience is on backorder, choosing to stay when our brains are acting like and the whole system is like, “Ma’am, I was not built for this.”

Then light your sage, drink your water, moisturize your spirit, and strut into the rest of the month like a woman who has survived every plot twist life has thrown at her. Including the ones that arrived unannounced, barefoot, and holding a casserole of chaos. Because you’re still here. You’re still growing. And honestly? You’re doing better than half the people who think essential oils are a personality. 

And as we wrap up this emotional rollercoaster of a topic, complete with sage smoke, hydration, and my nervous system acting like it’s auditioning for a disaster movie. It is like trying to assemble IKEA furniture with no instructions, three missing screws, and a mysterious extra piece that definitely wasn’t in the box. I’ve also realized something important. And it is that healing is basically like trying to reboot a Wi‑Fi router from 2007. You unplug it, you wait, you pray, you bargain, you threaten it, you light a candle, and somehow it still blinks at you like, “Girl, I’m doing my best.” Same, router. 

Here’s to all of us out here choosing growth even when our brains are running on 3% battery. Choosing compassion even when our patience is on backorder. And choosing to keep going even when life feels like a Walmart parking lot at 2 a.m. You’re doing your best, you’re sweating, you’re questioning your life choices, and at some point you whisper, “If this thing collapses, I’m blaming Sweden.” Thanks for reading and remember, Healing is holy, humor is medicine, and you are too stubborn to give up now. But you keep going. Because that’s what we do. And if anyone tries to judge your healing journey, just smile sweetly and say, “Sweetheart, I’m busy becoming emotionally stable. I don’t have the bandwidth for your nonsense.” Thanks for reading! Get educated.

Affirmation: I honor my healing by choosing compassion over shame, boundaries over chaos, and growth over the nonsense that used to break me.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

Children of Addiction: The Invisible Story

“What cannot be communicated to the mother cannot be communicated to the self.”

     -John Bowlby

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Some topics require us to slow down, breathe deeper, and open our hearts a little wider. Children of Addiction Awareness is one of those topics that are tender, urgent, and often hidden in plain sight. When we talk about addiction, the conversation usually centers on the person struggling. But in the quiet corners of those stories are children who carry the weight of what they cannot name.

They are not statistics. Not headlines. Not “someone else’s problem.” They are real kids. Real families. Real hearts trying to grow in soil that isn’t always steady. You don’t need a degree or special training to understand this. However, you just need to know this. When addiction lives in a home, children feel it in their bones. Even when they don’t have the words. Even when they pretend everything is fine.

Children growing up in homes affected by addiction often learn to read emotional weather patterns before they learn to read books. They become experts at sensing tension, anticipating conflict, and adjusting themselves to survive unpredictable environments.

They are the kids who:

  • Tiptoe around moods.
  • Become caretakers far too young.
  • Hide their fear behind perfection or silence.
  • Carry secrets that feel too heavy for their age.
  • Love their parents fiercely, even when life feels chaotic.

These children are not defined by the addiction around them. But they are shaped by it in ways that deserve understanding, compassion, and support.

Kids who grow up around addiction often learn to:

  • Stay quiet
  • Stay small
  • Stay out of the way
  • Stay “strong” even when they’re hurting

They become experts at reading moods, hiding feelings, and pretending everything is okay even when it’s not.

Growing up with addiction in the home can create emotional landscapes that are confusing and overwhelming. Many children experience:

  • Unpredictability: never knowing what version of a parent will appear.
  • Emotional neglect: not from lack of love, but from addiction’s consuming nature.
  • Role reversal: becoming the “adult” in the home.
  • Isolation: believing no one else lives this way.
  • Hypervigilance: always on alert for the next crisis.

And yet, these same children often develop extraordinary strengths: empathy, intuition, resilience, and emotional intelligence. They learn to survive in ways that would humble most adults.

But survival is different from thriving. Awareness is the bridge between the two. These children don’t need perfect parents. They don’t need someone to “fix” everything. They don’t need pity.

They need:

  • Consistency
  • Predictability
  • A safe adult who listens without judgment
  • Reassurance that none of this is their fault
  • Permission to feel their feelings — all of them

Sometimes the most healing words a child can hear are: “You didn’t cause this. You can’t control this. You are not alone.”

Whether you’re a teacher, neighbor, mentor, family member, or simply a caring human, you can make a meaningful difference.

  • Create safe spaces for conversation.
  • Model healthy coping skills.
  • Offer stability and routine.
  • Validate their emotions.
  • Connect them to supportive resources.

You don’t need a degree to change a child’s life. You just need to show up consistently, compassionately, and without judgment.

For the parents struggling with addiction, this conversation is not here to shame you. It’s here to remind you that healing is possible for you and for your child. Your effort matters. Your recovery matters. Your presence matters more than perfection ever could. Children don’t need flawless parents. They need honest ones. They need parents who try, who apologize, who grow, who keep coming back to love. Every step you take toward healing is a step toward breaking generational cycles.

Children of Addiction Awareness is not just a month, it’s a movement toward visibility, compassion, and collective responsibility. When we acknowledge these children, we give them language. When we give them language, we give them power. And when we give them power, we give them hope. So, take a breath and hold this truth close: Awareness opens the door. Connection keeps it open. Love walks a child through. Thanks for reading! Keep HOPE alive.

Affirmation: I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it, but I can take care of myself.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Merry Christmas From Piper, Coco, And Tink

“You had me at meow.”

-Unknown

Piper: “When’s our next holiday?”

Me: “Funny you should ask. It is called Christmas.”

Piper: “And what happens then?”

Me: “Well, it’s another holiday where we spend time together as a family. Except this time, we leave catnip and treats out for Kitty Claus.”

Piper: “What does Kitty Claus do?”

Me: “He brings toys and snacks to all the cats all over the world.”

Piper: “Whoa! How does he do all of that?”

Me: “Well, Kitty Claus has a sleigh that’s magically powered by catnip. And then while all the cats are sleeping, he comes to where they are and leaves out gifts. And then he goes to the next area. And we leave out snacks with some tuna juice out to make sure he doesn’t get too hungry.”

Piper: “Oh, momma. What a great idea! I just love Kitty Claus.”

Me: “But have you been good this year?”

Piper: “Momma, I have been the best. Coco hasn’t because she’s grouchy and has been smacking me ever since I had my surgery.”

Me:  “Weren’t you around a lot of other animals?”

Piper: “Yes ma’am.”

Me: “When you come home and you smell funny, sometimes it scares other cats. Plus, you were definitely “bobbing and weaving.” And the smell of other animals stays in your fur for a while. And when you come home and start swatting  things in the air that aren’t there it is kind of understandable. Don’t you think? 

Piper: “You mean to tell me that I smell like a dog too?”

Me: “Ummmm….Yes you do!”

Coco: “Hello. I do have my own voice. Let me explain something little feline. I smelled the residue of a thermometer and those horrible dogs on you. Do you want to smell like those things?”

Piper: “Oh. I never want to smell like them. They are definitely the lesser of the animal species. And by the way, I was smelling colors and playing with butterflies.”

Tink: “Yea the ones that were not visible to the rest of us. But it’s ok. We did the same thing after our surgeries. It’s ok, kiddo. Coco is the oldest and, by far, the grouchiest.”

Piper: “I love you two. Ya’ll are the best! You teach me so many things. How are my manners?”

Coco: “There is always room for improvement.”

Tink: “Coming from the one who walks across momma in the mornings always putting her internal organs are risk? And the one who breaks into the tub where the cookies stay, and helps herself to a buffet?”

Me: “Ok girls. That’s enough. Everyone makes mistakes and Piper is still learning. But Coco, that does hurt when you walk across me in the mornings.”

Coco: “When I’m starving, my vision starts to become blurry. So, I need to be able to wake you up to feed me so that it doesn’t become permanent.”

Me: “Coco, you are not losing vision from being hungry. And I do not do things based on your inability to be patient.”

Tink: “Piper, you are doing better.”

Piper: “Thank you, Big Sissy. Momma, can we put out the yummies?”

Me: “Yes we can. And then ya’ll need to go to sleep so that Kitty Claus will bring your gifts.”

Coco: “Fine. But I need more cookies.”

Me: “Ok everyone needs to use the litter box and decide where they want to sleep.”

Tink: “I’m sleeping in front of the heater.”

Coco: “Oh me too.”

Piper: “Oh, I want to sleep in front of the heater too. Momma, come help me. I want to hurry and get into bed so that Kitty Clause brings my toys and snacks. Will you hold me while I go to sleep?”

Me: “The problem with that is that you will never get still. And then you just start chewing on my fingers.”

Piper: “That’s because they’re my binky.”

Me: “Well, don’t use my fingers as your binky. Go use the litter box.”

A few moments later

Piper: “Ok, momma. Wow! It looks great!”

Me: “Ok baby. Let’s go get in the recliner and I’ll hold you for a few minutes.”

Piper: “Yippee! Night big sissies!”

Coco and Tink: “Good night Piper.”

Piper took several minutes to gently lick and then chew my fingers while also being squirmy. I put her on her bed. All of the girls began taking their final baths for the day. And I watched videos on my phone. After several minutes, I looked up to find them all sound asleep. My family finally felt complete. Things get loud and crazy with the boys and the cats. But I smiled and realized, at that very moment, what Christmas was all about. It’s not about how much catnip and treats that you own. It’s about the type of unconditional love that can only come from some humans and all animals. And despite what the world might think, Coco, Tink, and Piper, love me no matter what.

Affirmation: I am worth treats and adoration.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Piper’s First Holiday Season

“What greater gift than the love of a cat?”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. This holiday season is Piper’s first. And I have never seen her so happy. She has played so hard with big sisters Coco and Tinkerbell. And I actually saw Coco, the self-assigned mayor of my house, grooming Piper so much that  now Piper will randomly walk over to her and put her head down for a little touch up throughout the day. And she is very inquisitive about everything. Check out this conversation!

Piper: “Momma?”

Me: “Yes Piper.”

Piper: “I have so much fun when my brothers come to visit.”

Me: “I know. I do too.”

(I could see the wheels in her little feline brain turning.)

Piper: “Momma, do you know what my favorite time is?”

Me: “Tell me.”

Piper: “It’s when they go home. Those are the best naps ever.”

Me: “Well, little miss you better find some energy because it’s holiday season.”

Piper: “What was it called when we had food all day long?”

Me: “Ummmm…420?”

Piper: “What is that?”

Me: “That’s when we celebrate my “stinky” medicine.”

Piper: “No. It was not long ago.”

Me: “Thanksgiving?”

Piper: “What does that mean?”

Me: “Well, it’s supposed to be about giving thanks for blessings in your life. And spending time with family.”

Piper: “Well, I spent lots of time with my family.”

Me: “ We all love you too. And you were perfect for our family.”

Piper:  “I’m thankful that I survived. And I now have my very own family.”

Me: “Awe, we love you too, Piper.”

Piper: “Yummy! What is that?”

Me: “Piper you can’t jump into my plate!!!”

Piper: “Why not? I just want to see it. Smell it. And lick it.”

Me: “Ma’am, you must learn some manners.”

Piper: “But it smells so good. And it makes me hungry.”

Me: “Piper, people do not like cats who are overly nosy especially when their eating.”

Piper: “But I’m just a baby kitty.”

Me: “Stop being cute, right now!”

Piper: “But momma, I can’t help it.”

Me: “I will give you a bite. But you have to wait until I’m ready.”

(Approximately 30 seconds goes by and she starts swatting at my hand.)

Me: “Piper stop trying to grab my food! and stay out of my drink!

Piper: “I’m trying to do Thanksgiving.”

Me: “Coco, Tink, come get your sister!”

(I soon hear jingling bells alerting me to there whereabouts.)

Coco: “On my way momma!”

Tink: “Me too!”

(They come running and gasp when they see me.)

Tink: “Piper, No!!!!”

Coco: “Holy Catnip! What are you doing?!”

Piper: “I just want a bite.”

Coco: “Get down here, Piper!”

Piper: “What now?!”

Coco: “First come here. Your catlick is all messed up.”

(Coco begins grooming Piper.)

Tink: “Piper, you cannot do that! Never ever jump in momma’s  plate. She will give you a bite. But you can’t rush her because she’ll go crazy. Do you want to be sprayed with the water bottle?”

Piper: “Heck No!”

Tink: “Yea. We don’t like it either. We just stop doing what got us sprayed.”

Piper: “Oh ok. I’m just hungry.”

Tink: “If you stop, and sit there quiet like you’re supposed to that’s called manners.”

Piper: “Wow! How do you know all of that?”

Coco: “Because we were kittens once too.”

Piper: “I’m so glad you guys are my family. Who else would give me baths?”

Coco and Tink: “We love you too.”

Coco: “We just want you to grow up and be a successful grown cat like we are.”

Piper: “Happy Holidays, big sissies!”

Coco and Tink: “Happy Holidays and catnip dreams to you Piper!”

Affirmation: I will not hesitate to ask for what I need.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Happy Birthday, Marshall!

“Sons are the anchors of a mother’s life.”

-Sophocles

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today is a very special day. It’s my oldest son, Marshall, birthday. Fourteen years ago today, after thirty-six hours of labor, Marshall made his entrance into the world. I will say with confidence that I was NOT the one who gave birth. And from that moment, my life was, once again, forever changed.

Our dreams as parents became a reality when our little preemie boy entered the world. And, boy, did he make the sun shine brighter that day. Within moments, we went from sleeping late anytime we wanted to, to now being very protective of this little boy who would call us moms. And now there was a little being that we would literally sacrifice everything for.

Our beautiful little boy name, Marshall Lake Landrum-Arnold, would struggle at the beginning of his life just trying to maintain his own body temperature and learning how to eat and put healthy weight on his tiny, little body. That first year was not easy by any means. And I speak for myself when I say that I was so happy that he arrived. But I was terrified of now being responsible for raising him to adulthood. And I was scared that I would not be enough.

His health scares and concerns were extremely stressful for us as a new family. And for once, I knew what it felt like to be completely helpless and not be able to “quick fix” a situation. But I finally understood the mysterious love between a parent and a child. This little boy, I knew, would change the world even if it was for two lesbian moms.

It has been the most frustrating, difficult, and rewarding job that I never thought possible. Now, fourteen years later, our little preemie is in the throws of puberty. He has a deep voice, peach fuzz, and an almost never-ending attitude. And first thing every morning he hisses and has the most ruthless cause of “bedhead” that I’ve ever seen. But he’s still my little boy.

He was beautiful the moment he entered the world. And he’s still beautiful now. He is the smartest and most caring boy that still loves to hang out with momma and laugh. Now it’s not wanting a bottle and a nap. It’s video games, nerf guns, weird music, a voracious appetite, band practice, books, and a mood swing that is constantly going back and forth. But he’s still my little boy.

We don’t live together now, but he always lives within me. From the moment I wake up until the moment I go to sleep, my thoughts always hold in the recesses of my mind, the many fears of  being a parent. You can have many children, but there is only one first born. And as a first born myself, I try to impress upon him the importance about his role as a big brother. He has dreams and aspirations that I watch change sometimes daily.

Happy Birthday to you my beautiful boy! I look forward to many more years of watching you develop and become a man. While also knowing that three moms can raise a son without a man successfully. I love you more than life. And I thank you for making me a mom and changing my life. I will continue to love you unconditionally no matter what path in life you take. Because the sky is the limit for you. Hug your children because they won’t be babies for very long. Thanks for reading!

 Affirmation: My voice matters.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Piper Attempts Playing Hide-And-Seek

“Time spent with cats is never squandered, it’s ‘purr’fect!”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. I’ve told you how bad my girls are at playing hide-and-seek. And Piper is no different. Apparently, she and her sisters have  been discussing how to play the game. Piper was so excited to show me what she had learned. I held my breath and prepared for the negative impact. And well….she might also have deficits in this area of her life. Read our conversation and draw your own conclusion on the future of my cats and their abilities to play a commonly played childhood game known as Hide-And-Seek. I am busy writing, and I overhear the girls talking about playing the game. So, I listen closer. Check out this interaction.

Coco: “Here let me show you what I’m talking about. Always remember, if you can’t see them, they can’t see you.”

Tink: “Yea. It’s pretty easy when you get the hang of it. I don’t know why momma got us a tutor.”

(The girls show Piper their version of the game.)

Piper: “Oh yes! I’ve got it now. But momma always tells me that I’m wrong.”

Coco: “Piper, one thing you have to understand is that we allow momma to think she’s right. But we do our own thing anyway. Except when she says, “TREAT OR COOKIE.” Then, we just act insanely happy and meow as much and as loud as you can. Those are the rules.”

Tink: “You have to train momma. She brings me my treats, or she throws them to me. And it’s really fun when she puts them all over the house for us to find. Then we show her who are the real stars of the game. It’s not about what’s true. It’s all about what is perceived.”

Piper: “Wow! Did momma teach you that?”

Tink: “No, the president did.”

Me: “Hold up girls! What are you talking about?”

Coco: “We were just teaching Piper how to play hide-and-seek.”

Me: “But ya’ll don’t even know how to hide appropriately.”

Coco: “Well, we are working with a tutor.”

Me: “True you are. But I think we need someone who will push you harder.”

Piper: “But I’m learning how to play.”

Me: “Ok. Show me what you’ve got.”

(They form a huddle and talk in private.)

Coco: “Ok. Ready. Break! Momma start counting.”

They all take off looking for the perfect hiding spot.

Me: “7…8…9…10! Ready or not, here I come!”

Everything is eerily quiet.

Coco:

 Tink:

 Piper:

Me: “I found all of you!”

Coco: “Piper, run like you stole something!”

Tink: “I concede to defeat.”

Me: “Really Tink?! Why?”

Tink: “Because I want to take a nap now.”

Piper: “I made it back to the base. Do we get a cookie now?

Coco: “Cookies? Who said, “Cookies? Meow! Meow!”

Piper: “Meow! Meow! Meow!”

Me: “Girls, that doesn’t mean that you get treats!”

Coco and Piper: “Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow!”

Me: “Girls, hush!”

Coco and Piper: “Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow!”

Me: “Ok! Ok! Just hush!”

Coco: “See, you play the game just like that, Piper. Everyone is a winner!”

Tink: “Momma, please bring me my treats!”

Me: “Fine just be quiet.”

Coco: “Winner. Winner. Chicken cookie dinner!”

As you can see, the girls have their own agenda. And please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we try to survive as a family. Thanks for reading!

Affirmation: I am the queen of the snack jar.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Fall and Family

“Sometimes the goal is to just survive, and the memories are a bonus.”

-Unknown

 Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about the holidays and family. Don’t worry. It also gives me gas at the thought of the two, once again, colliding.

This should be a happy time for most of us. However, especially in our current political climate, I would venture to say that the thought of interacting with family members who stand on the opposite of the isle makes me want to step out into oncoming traffic. So, this year, I’ll be spending most of my holiday time with the only ones that seem trustworthy, my boys and my cats.

My cats could care less about what the current political environment is like. And they also don’t care whether I’m straight or gay. And unlike some of my family members, all they want to do is spend every waking hour with me. With all of my quirkiness, they just seem to keep scrolling as none of that matters to them.

My boys and I will spend time together during their school break. Activities include burning leaves and wood at the fire pit, roasting wieners and marshmallows, and cuddling in the cool night air while talking about the newest and most concerning issues of being a child. And I will, more than likely, be pummeled by nerf gun bullets sometime during their stay.

We never have enough money to do everything that we want to do. But what we do have is each other. They devour every bit of food available. And at the end of the day, they are my children, and I am their mom. The cats are their sisters. There is absolutely nothing that can compare to that.

By the end of their stay, the cats are tired of being nice and the boys are tired of being nice to each other. And I am, once again, interested in a little bit of quiet time. No matter how tired and irritated we can get, me and the boys experience the true meaning of family. And that’s what it’s all supposed to be about. Not judging someone for who they are versus who they are not. Thanks for reading! And enjoy your time with family in whatever way that takes shape.

Affirmation: I will approach this holiday with the same calm wisdom I use to navigate family debates over the thermostat.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

No Kings 2.0

“There are no kings in America. Only gilded me we can topple again and again.”

-Aileen Cassinetto

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about our country for a moment. I don’t usually write much about politics on my blog. Social media is quite different. However, we are currently experiencing unprecedented times. Which is causing so much collateral damage that it could take several presidents to undo what is being done if that is even possible.

When my boys come to visit we always talk about current things like school, everyday life, personal wants, “would you rather” and the current political environment. And to be honest, I never thought I would have to explain basic human rights and how those are egregiously being destroyed. And now the decisions of a lot of Americans have put in power a want to be dictator.

I wrote a blog this past month that recently posted about how good we have it in our country. And now I must retract that statement by tell you that the United States of America, the threat to democracy and the very essence of our lives are now being tailored for a fascist society. And the “American Spirit,” which is not a person, is being made a mockery of the founding fathers’ original intentions. Let me break it down.

Our Foundational Ideas

·        Liberty and Independence: The freedom to think, speak, and act as one chooses without infringing on the rights of others.

·        Self-government: The belief that citizens are the ultimate source of authority and have the right to participate in the political process.

·        Equality: The idea that all people are created equal and deserve fair treatment, respect, and dignity, with equal opportunities for success.

·        Individualism: The belief that individuals are in control of their own destinies and can achieve self-sufficiency and independence through their own initiative (https:study.com, 2025).

Aspirations of the American Dream

·        The promise of opportunity: Anyone can achieve success through sacrifice, risk-taking, and hard work.

·        Upward social mobility: The change for individuals to attain a better life than their parents.

·        A “democracy of goods”: The notion that everyone should have access to material comfort and goods, a vision popularized in the 20th century (https://www.wikipedia.org, 2025).

I now must again explain to my children how racism, at its core, is just wrong in every way. And how the example of the highest position, in our once revered democracy is being dismantled one freedom and one right at a time. And how if someone disagrees with someone’s way of life, you must not fear and/or hate them. I have instructed my children from day one that people and families are unique individually. And just because of their uniqueness, it doesn’t mean that they are wrong. I don’t care about your skin color, religious affiliation, political affiliation, sexual orientation, ethnic background, or gender identity. However, what I don’t like are bullies. And currently we have a bully in power.

I don’t hate no matter how far left or far right you are on the spectrum. But the idea of hating and inciting violence against someone because they are different is not ok. Do I like people like Charlie Kirk? Hell no. Do I think that he deserved to be murdered based on his views, regardless of whether I agreed with him or the fact that he was a racist and a homophobe, never. But when your whole premise of the stage that you voluntarily inject yourself onto is about treating those you disagree with by tearing them down, bad things are bound to happen. And when political views and votes are more important than lives of our citizens and our beautiful immigrants, our tears begin to fall.

When the president of the United States who has 34 felony convictions, and whose best friends were  the vilest child sex trafficker and rapists this country has ever seen, while also having the support of others, it must be discussed and stopped. Jeffery Epstein and Ghislane Maxwell were convicted of some of the most horrible crimes against children. And it has been confirmed that Donald Trump’s name, as well as many others, were also listed in the Epstein files.

As a parent and someone who was also preyed upon by those in power, the only logical decision of our government should be to release the unredacted files and have total transparency. This  shouldn’t be a tall order. I see a lot of people online who voted for Donald talking about how evil Jefferey Epstein was. And how pedophiles should be held accountable, unless you talk about the high probability that Donald Trump is also connected to said crimes.

I have never seen so many lies and an obvious cover up by the United States government in my life. I don’t care whose names, whether they be democrats, republicans, independents or royalty, are on the list. They should all be held accountable. And for some of us, whose perpetrators were never held accountable, this is a national symbol of that fight for justice. And just maybe the bad guys get caught in the end and have to pay for their actions that have ruined upwards of a thousand children’s lives.

When you are forced into something as horrific as sexual abuse, your life is forever changed. You will never view the world as “safe” again. You will never look at the average person the same again. And the most intimate part of a person’s life and body are forever damaged. The lies and manipulation that one has to possess to accomplish these acts are more than I can comprehend.

It is my hope and prayer that whoever has taken part in actions consistent with pedophilia, rape and/or the coverup of these crimes will see the day when they are forced to be accountable for everything that they have turned a “blind  eye” to. I shouldn’t have to explain why blatant actions have been and continue to be ignored. I shouldn’t have to explain how and why our, once thriving and beautifully diverse country has systematically been sent down the tubes. And is also being controlled by a Russian dictator who is training our orange, “want to be dictator” in the ways of murdering democracy.

My children shouldn’t have to witness and be explained the purpose of “Alligator Alcatraz.” And how funny it is to the hard core “Triple Trumpers” MAGA movement. The only thing consistent are lies, deceit and the many times of the crashing of Grindr by down low politicians. Who are angry because they are scared of authenticity. I shouldn’t have to explain why our country is ok with standing by someone like Benjamin Netanyahu and watching as the genocide in Gaza continues. I shouldn’t have to explain why Vladamir Putin is allowed to continue with the horrific attacks on the people of Ukraine. I shouldn’t have to explain why a dictator across the pond poisons those that don’t agree with them. But here we are.

What I do have to explain are the constant sacrifices of our military service members, who many have laid down their lives for generations, in an effort to make sure that we retain those inalienable rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. And how and why the Declaration of Independence and our Constitution was formed. Even though the president of our country clearly knows nothing about said rights which was caught on camera many times. Why “No Kings Day” protests are so important. And how our once love for the “freedom of speech” is being allowed to now be censored.

With tears in my eyes, again, I write this. And the grief of my soul as I watch the sometimes-comical players in this mockery of a democratic government, keeps me up at night. And a lot of times, I laugh to keep from crying. But the videos of children and adults being starved to death is not something that we are accustomed to witnessing. I don’t believe that those who take away the rights of others should have rights of their own.

The tensions in this country of the blatant abuse of power by turning the military on our citizens is uncalled for and scary. And the depths of these fears, I do my best to shield my children from seeing. But they are not dumb. They ask questions and I try to explain them on an age-appropriate level.

I enjoy watching and posting the satire of some of these views. But make no mistake, I will constantly keep at the forefront of our conversations about the importance of such figures in the civil rights movement,  Nazi Germany, the extermination of the Jews in concentration camps and the importance of the Stonewall riots. And now, I must explain to them modern day concentration camps disguised as being something “good” for the American public.

People, life as we knew it is disappearing at a rapid rate. It is time for us as Americans to grow a spine and make a peaceful stand against tyranny. And this means doing “your part” in whatever way that looks. No longer is it ok to remain “neutral” as “neutrality” is now a vote for tyranny. You can make a choice to be red, blue or any color of the rainbow. And remember that staying neutral is also a choice. Our country is a collection of diverse groups of people, races, ethnicities, and religions creating One America. The colors that matter the most are the ones who are red, white, and blue.

Thanks for reading! And I hope that you, not only as an American, will stand up for what’s right instead of staying silent to what’s wrong. To our allies across the pond and abroad, your voices also matter. And I personally thank each and every one of you for not allowing the Epstein scandal to  go unnoticed. Keep standing for freedom my fellow Americans as will I. And to our diligent immigrants, I will continue to do my part to fight for your right to live the American Dream that most of us took for granted. Thanks for your attention to this matter.

Affirmation: I embrace the opportunities and freedoms in the United States to build the life I deserve.

 ***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Types Of Domestic Violence Part 2

“An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless pit. But he’s not so much needy as entitled, so no matter how much you give him, it will never be enough. He will just keep producing more demands because he believes his needs are your responsibility, until you feel drained down to nothing.”

-Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today I want to go over more types of domestic violence. I know that this topic is not an easy one to face. However, domestic abuse occurs in more homes than you realize. Maybe in your own home.

VERBAL ABUSE

·        Ridiculing or humiliating someone.

v  If he were alive and breathing, this would happen from the time I woke up until the time I went to bed.

·        Criticizing their appearance, intelligence, sexuality, religious beliefs, or ethnicity.

v  This happened all the time. I was constantly told that I was dumb and retarded.

·        Criticizing their actions as a partner or parent.

v  All day and every day. The worst was at night and on the weekends. I got blamed for his bad golf game. He had this idea that he was Tiger Woods. And he very clearly wasn’t. But it was always because of something I did that made him play bad. In reality, he just sucks at the game.

·        Using cruel or abusive nicknames.

v  He and his brother always had cruel nicknames for me.

·        Swearing at someone.

v  Most people cuss when they get mad. However, he and his brother were relentless in their attacks.

·        Yelling or screaming at someone.

v  Again, I think that a certain amount would be considered normal. However, screaming and hollering at me for everything little thing was how they both operated.

SOCIAL ABUSE

·       Stopping someone from seeing or contacting their friends and family.

v  He didn’t physically stop me. However, it was very clear that I was not leaving the house without specific information about where I was going and what I was doing. And if that wasn’t what he wanted, I was told not to go at all.

·       Stopping someone from going to social or community activities.

v  Unless he went with me, I was told, “No. You don’t need to go do that.”

·       Preventing someone from having contact with people who speak their language or share their culture.

·       Making someone move away from friends, family, or work opportunities.

 

·       Controlling a person’s use of phone or computers.

v On more than one occasion, when I went to call for help from police, he would unplug the phone so that I couldn’t use it.

·       Checking or stopping their mail, phone calls, text messages, emails, social media and other messaging or chat apps.

v  Luckily, there was not much of this that was available at the time. There was barely internet, and I better not have an email address. I had a Nokia cellphone which he checked constantly.

·       Telling lies or spreading false information to damage a person’s reputation.

v  This happened all the time. Especially when he talked to his family. The smear campaign was always in action.

·       Using someone’s intersex status, sexuality, gender expression, transgender, or HIV status against them.

v  He never knew that I was a lesbian. Hell, why would I tell him when the violence was bad enough.

·       Forced marriage

v  The day of my wedding, I knew that I was making the biggest mistake of my life. I was frozen with fear. But it was what he continually pushed for marriage. And I eventually gave in. Biggest mistake of my life!

·       Stalking

v  This happened every single day. If it wasn’t him, it was his friends and family who did the stalking. At the end of the day, I was questioned about everything that I had done and was told, “Well, what about when you were walking around in that store.” He knew every move that I made. It even got so bad that he knew what I had eaten during the day.

SPIRITUAL, RELIGIOUS OR CULTURAL ABUSE

  • Preventing someone from practicing and being connected to their culture.
  • Stopping someone from going to their place of worship.
  • Stopping someone from having contact with other people who share their beliefs.
  • Stopping someone from celebrating days of cultural or spiritual significance.
  • Stopping someone from sharing their beliefs and traditions with their children.
  • Stopping someone who is Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander from returning to Country or having contact with kin.
  • Stopping someone who has family connections outside Australia from visiting or connecting with family or community overseas.
  • Ridiculing someone’s beliefs or traditions.
  • Forcing someone to do things that are against their beliefs, like eating certain foods or wearing certain clothes.
  • Forcing someone to marry.

The pressure was definitely applied when I was undecided.

  • Forcing someone to take part in spiritual practices in which they don’t believe.
  • Forcing someone to raise their children according to beliefs they don’t agree with.
  • Using or claiming to use spiritual or religious beliefs:

Let me just say this about him and his spiritual practices. He always went through the motions and played the part. He even pretended to get “saved” and was baptized. However, that was as far as it went. Because when we got home the abuse continued to happen. But now he had a Bible to justify his actions.

Thanks again for reading! I hope I was able to share a little lighter on the subject of domestic violence. There is help and hope after abuse. Reach out for the love and respect that you deserve. Keep moving forward!

Affirmation: I will not shrink.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife