“Seriously? Why are you advertising this? Are there that many people who want to join?”
“What is it with alligators?! They don’t need mushrooms. They need weed to help with that aggression.
I hope you’ve enjoyed some laughs like I have. Sometimes you have to take timeout to laugh. Thanks for reading! And please share with a friend.
Affirmation: I allow myself to laugh often and without guilt.
***Don’t forget to watch the video!***
#Thispuzzledlife
“A happy arrangement: many people prefer cats to other people and many cats prefer people to other cats.”
-Mason Cooley
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to tell you about a situation that occurred. And, well, it was concerning the specific moment when I had to tell Piper that she was going to get spayed.
Me: “Piper!”
Piper: “Coming momma!”
Me: “What were you three doing?”
Piper: “I had just jumped on Tink’s back and was biting her head. And she was getting mad at me.”
Me: “Well, I need to talk to you about something?”
Coco: “Me and Tink are on the way, momma.”
Me: “Well, it might be good to have you here for support.”
Tink: “Uh-oh. Is everything ok?”
Piper: “What’s the matter momma?”
Me: “Well, when you get to be a certain age you need to have a surgery.”
Tink: “Oh yes! Snip, snip little girl.”
Coco: “Snip! Snip! And it’s going to hurt really bad.”
Me: “Tink! Coco! Ya’ll stop. You’re going to scare her.”
(Piper begins sobbing)
Piper: “Momma, why do you want to make me hurt?”
Me: “Coco and Tink, why did you say that?”
Piper: “Momma, I’m scared!”
Me: “Look, calm down a second. When you get to be a certain age, you must have a surgery to remove your kitten maker.”
Coco: “Snip! Snip!”
Me: “Coco, stop it! Piper, they give you some medicine to make you go to sleep so that you don’t even know that it’s going on.”
Piper: “But momma. What if I wanted to be a momma one day?”
Me: “Piper let me explain something to you. Momma cats don’t just have one kitten. If they had just one, you could have a kitten, and it could live with us. Momma cats have anywhere from 8-12 babies at a time. And we wouldn’t able to keep them. It would be harder on you if I took your babies away from you after you had already bonded with them.”
Piper: “So you’re not doing this to be mean to me?”
Me: “No baby. Tink and Coco did the same thing. And it helps keep you healthier the older you get. If you had a lot of babies and we couldn’t find homes for them all, we would have to take them to the shelter. And there are already too many puppies and kittens who have to do that. I’m just trying to make it easier on you and all of us by doing this. Think about it. If you had 8 kittens. Coco had 8 kittens. And Tink had 8 kittens. What would we have?”
Piper: “A crowd?”
Me: “Yes. And I wouldn’t be able to care for that many.”
Piper: “Ok. Well, I don’t want to be a momma cat to that many babies. But I’m still scared.”
Me: “I know you are. But I will go with you.”
Piper: “You promise?”
Me: “Unless, of course, you know how to drive a vehicle.”
Piper: “No way.”
Me: “I promise you might be a little scared. But you will be fine. And I will go get you whenever they say that you’re safe to come back home. And then we can cuddle, ok?”
Piper: “Ok. Please don’t forget about me.”
Me: “Don’t worry. Me and your sisters would never forget about you.”
Tink: “Piper, we were just messing with you. You will be fine. If you get scared, just ask “tha Jesus” to make you not scared.”
Coco: “Yea, kid. We were just playing with you. I was a little sleepy and sore afterwards. But the doctors will give you some medicine to make you not hurt but just a little bit.”
Piper: “Will you and Tink go with me?”
Coco: “Heck no!”
Piper: “Why not?”
Tink: “Because they take your temperature.”
Piper: “What does that mean?”
Me: “They just want to make sure that you don’t have a fever which would mean that you were sick.”
Piper: “Ok. Well, that doesn’t seem bad.”
(Coco now mumbling)
Coco: “That’s what you think.”
Piper: “What?”
Me: “Coco hush up. Piper, you will be fine.”
Piper: “Ok. Thank ya’ll for explaining things. I feel better. I love you big sissies.”
Coco and Tink: “We love you too, Piper.”
I’m writing this the day after Piper’s surgery. She did fine. And when I picked her up from the vet, except for the fact that she was still a little bit woozy and moving around like she had eaten an entire container of cannabis edibles, she did extremely well. Piper and Tink hissed at her for the next four hours because she and her carrier smelled like Noah’s ark from being around so many other animals, I am currently writing with two of them in my lap. Remember to always spay and neuter your animals. Thanks for reading!
Affirmation: I know when to curl up for a good nap
***Don’t forget to watch the video!***
#Thispuzzledlife
“Time spent with cats is never squandered, it’s ‘purr’fect!”
-Unknown
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. I’ve told you how bad my girls are at playing hide-and-seek. And Piper is no different. Apparently, she and her sisters have been discussing how to play the game. Piper was so excited to show me what she had learned. I held my breath and prepared for the negative impact. And well….she might also have deficits in this area of her life. Read our conversation and draw your own conclusion on the future of my cats and their abilities to play a commonly played childhood game known as Hide-And-Seek. I am busy writing, and I overhear the girls talking about playing the game. So, I listen closer. Check out this interaction.
Coco: “Here let me show you what I’m talking about. Always remember, if you can’t see them, they can’t see you.”
Tink: “Yea. It’s pretty easy when you get the hang of it. I don’t know why momma got us a tutor.”
(The girls show Piper their version of the game.)
Piper: “Oh yes! I’ve got it now. But momma always tells me that I’m wrong.”
Coco: “Piper, one thing you have to understand is that we allow momma to think she’s right. But we do our own thing anyway. Except when she says, “TREAT OR COOKIE.” Then, we just act insanely happy and meow as much and as loud as you can. Those are the rules.”
Tink: “You have to train momma. She brings me my treats, or she throws them to me. And it’s really fun when she puts them all over the house for us to find. Then we show her who are the real stars of the game. It’s not about what’s true. It’s all about what is perceived.”
Piper: “Wow! Did momma teach you that?”
Tink: “No, the president did.”
Me: “Hold up girls! What are you talking about?”
Coco: “We were just teaching Piper how to play hide-and-seek.”
Me: “But ya’ll don’t even know how to hide appropriately.”
Coco: “Well, we are working with a tutor.”
Me: “True you are. But I think we need someone who will push you harder.”
Piper: “But I’m learning how to play.”
Me: “Ok. Show me what you’ve got.”
(They form a huddle and talk in private.)
Coco: “Ok. Ready. Break! Momma start counting.”
They all take off looking for the perfect hiding spot.
Me: “7…8…9…10! Ready or not, here I come!”
Everything is eerily quiet.
Coco:
Tink:
Piper:
Me: “I found all of you!”
Coco: “Piper, run like you stole something!”
Tink: “I concede to defeat.”
Me: “Really Tink?! Why?”
Tink: “Because I want to take a nap now.”
Piper: “I made it back to the base. Do we get a cookie now?
Coco: “Cookies? Who said, “Cookies? Meow! Meow!”
Piper: “Meow! Meow! Meow!”
Me: “Girls, that doesn’t mean that you get treats!”
Coco and Piper: “Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow!”
Me: “Girls, hush!”
Coco and Piper: “Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow!”
Me: “Ok! Ok! Just hush!”
Coco: “See, you play the game just like that, Piper. Everyone is a winner!”
Tink: “Momma, please bring me my treats!”
Me: “Fine just be quiet.”
Coco: “Winner. Winner. Chicken cookie dinner!”
As you can see, the girls have their own agenda. And please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we try to survive as a family. Thanks for reading!
Affirmation: I am the queen of the snack jar.
***Don’t forget to watch the video!***
#Thispuzzledlife
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
-Terry Pratchett
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about what it’s like living with Piper. She is finally coming into her own and getting bigger every day. Check this out!
Piper: “Momma help me!”
Me: “What is the problem, Piper?”
Piper: “Tink bit my butt for no reason!”
Me: “Did you do anything to her?”
Piper: “No! She just bit me for no reason!”
Tink: “Piper you cowabungaed my head!”
Piper: “No I didn’t! Fluff off!”
Tink: “What did you say? You little feline fluff ball?”
Piper: “I promise! I did nothing wrong!”
Me: “Piper, the collected evidence shows that you, in fact, jumped on Tink’s head without provocation.”
Piper: “Momma, I’m just a little kitty!”
Me: “And you are responsible for your own kitty actions.”
Tink: “Ha! Ha! I told you, you little snack stealer!”
Piper: “Momma said that I was growing and needed more than anyone else.”
Me: “Piper, I did not! Coco, do you care to chime in?”
Coco: “Hear no evil. See no evil. Speak no evil.”
Piper: “Well, that’s what I heard you say.”
Me: “When, ma’am?”
Piper: “The other night when I was asleep.”
Me: “Piper, that must’ve been while you were dreaming.”
Piper: “Well, you still said it no matter if I was awake or asleep.”
Me: “Piper, you must share your snacks just like you want me to share everything that I eat.”
Piper: “Well, I’m just curious and want to know what you’re eating?”
Me: “By jumping on me and into my plate?”
Piper: “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”
Thanks for reading! Life with my girls is full of laughs and love. They are my family. Keep moving forward and always spay and neuter you pets.
Affirmation: I deserve every snack and piece of food that I find.
***Don’t forget to watch the video!***
#Thispuzzledlife
The following is a situation that led to Coco growling for the first time ever. She wanted to let her inner mountain lion loose. But all she was able to do was squeak like a mouse. Tink also tried and was only able to connect with a very light meow. “We just don’t feel safe with them as protectors.”
They didn’t even try to save me from one tiny moth. The best that either of them could do was look at it. No warning, no gang signs, no saying “You need Jesus!!! Nothing!!!!!”
Ok that was harsh but not really. It was my fault for zooming in on the picture and making it look like a dinosaur from Jurassic Park.
(We don’t know that cat.)
When it was actually the size of a quarter. Or maybe a dime depending on the angle. And we are assuming that the lizard was female because none of us saw lizard balls. And we don’t actually know if lizards have balls. But if they do we don’t know where they are kept. Maybe at an alternate address. We took a vote and named her “Lizzie the Lezzie.” Not to be confused with the real “Lizzy the Lezzie.”
I looked up after about an hour of scurrying to find Coco and Tink with bewildered looks on their faces and pawing at the lifeless reptile. Coco said, “Momma!!!!! We need to change the batteries out.” I had to explain to her that this was not a situation that batteries could fix.” Coco was very upset that Lizzie was dead. She was crying and saying, “Momma, I didn’t want to unalive her. I was just playing with her.” I told her, “Baby I know. You just played with her to death.”
We later found out that males are the ones that flash that piece of pink skin. That was like puffing out their chest. And we thought the whole time that the lizard was blowing bubbles because she was chewing watermelon bubble gum.
We are all in therapy and trying to work things out. Coco and Tink got some tutoring sessions in aggression and have progressed to a light hiss and a paw in the air and learning how to call a bluff. One night they alerted me to a possible intruder. It was a 2” moth holding a shank. And a pregnant gnat with an attitude. I told Coco, “get to it sister, this one is yours.”
The last time I saw them Tink had moved onto other things. And Coco was still grieving and processing the trauma. She is working with a therapist that really knows her stuff. And her therapist doesn’t allow Coco to deflect the painful issues. She will, however, guide her through it with a crappy little nudge from a therapeutic assignment.
#Thispuzzledlife
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
-Sigmund Freud
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today I want to tell you about a situation that involved Tink and Coco. They both have dreams of being big cats one day. I don’t have the heart to challenge their realities. So, I just let them dream away. On this particular day I let them express just that. Check this out!
I woke up one morning with the familiar feeling of a fat cat running back and forth across me. This usually Coco’s meaning of “Momma get up!” I sit up and take a few minutes to gather myself for yet another day. Tinkerbell is gently licking my toes. I then feel pain and start sweating. I ask her. “Tink! What are you doing?!” “Momma, I licked your toes so clean and then I wanted to chew on them.” “Listen here! Don’t you ever use your back teeth to lick my feet!” I stand up limping towards their food bowls.
Tink: “Yippee she’s going to feed us! Momma, I want a gazelle to eat like the big cats on Netflix.
Me: “Have you and coco been watching National Geographic shows?”
Tink: “Yes ma’am. We could eat it just like they do.”
Me: “Tink there is nothing about you or coco that could take down a gazelle. Except maybe the fumes coming from your litter box. How would you get one to here at our house?”
Tink: “Momma DoorDash….duh.”
Me: “I’m quite sure they don’t deliver life size gazelles. What would you do if you got one? Lick its toes, run across it and throw paws with its hair? Ya’ll don’t even stalk anything but brown leaves, bugs and each other. “
Wanting to prove that she is like a big cat, I soon see Tinkerbell crouch down and ready to pounce at any moment. I couldn’t see what the target was, but I just watched curiously.
Tink: “Watch me catch my prey!”
She shakes her butt a little and then off she goes trying to be the big cat of her dreams. She lands on her target and quickly jumps back off it. When I finally see what she found She asks me
Tink: “Momma, what do you think? I killed my prey!”
Me: “Yes, Tinkerbell did kill it. The ice cube is dead.”
I know that this one was lighthearted. And to be honest, I need to remind myself every now and then about the comical simplicity of life. They help me so much, in fact, that I want to share them with as many who want to enjoy some of their funny comforts. My animals have always been the compassion in life that I couldn’t seem to find at one time. And the relationship that I have with them is so much fun. I hope that you can enjoy some of what I love about my girls, Tink and Coco. Thanks for reading!
Affirmation of cats: There is no one in the world that I would rather be.
***Don’t forget to watch the video!***
#Thispuzzledlife
“If mugs made fart noises coffee shops wouldn’t be relaxing, they’d sound like a yoga class in a retirement home.”
-Desi Lydic
Me and my cats have a nightly routine that consists of me taking my meds while Tink is at my feet watching my every move. And stares at me hoping to make me hurry along. I then Get comfortable in my recliner and cover up with my favorite blanket. Then Tink hops in my lap where we both cuddle until we’re both asleep. Except on nights when I’m scrapbooking. And then both of the girls fall asleep wherever they are. Usually, Coco is in her bed and Tink is in my recliner on my blankets. Anyway, here’s how one of our nights unfolded.
Me: “Tink wake up.”
Tink: “Mi no Habla ingles.”
Me: “Well, Rosetta Stone you better find a way to talk to me.”
Tink: “I’m sleeping.”
Me: “No you’re not you just spoke to me.”
Tink: “I talk in my sleep.”
Me: “Wake up or I will get the thermometer and check to see if you have a fever.”
Tink: “I’m up. What do you need?”
Me: “Tink, hold on omg was that you?! You are nasty!! You farted!!!! Tink, that one is really bad. You know I can’t take bad smells. Dear God, what did you eat?! Oh, Holy Hell it’s burning my eyes too. What are your farts made of? Napalm?”
Tink: “Your big baby stop your whining it’s just your allergies. And you woke me up from my sleep and I didn’t have the energy to hold it in.”
Me: “I know. I’m allergic to cat farts. I can’t take crop dusting any better than this. Omg now I taste it! I started gagging. I had a sudden flashback to diaper days. You and your brother Copeland are the worst smelling animals on this planet! Wait until I tell him how nasty you are.”
Tink: “Fine tell him. He’s the one who taught me how to fart!”
Me: “You need to be bathed in a tub of Holy water because you have a demon in your butt. Dear God get out of my lap and off my blanket!! You probably cinged the fibers. Oh, I just threw up a little in my mouth. Find my airplane vomit bag NOW!!!!”
Tink: “Fine me and Copeland will go live with coach.”
Me: “Ummmm….I wouldn’t dare do that to her!!”
Tink: “She would, at least let me process my feelings about it.”
Sarcastically
Me: “So what are your feelings?”
Tink: “I feel that I’m a flatulent genius.”
Me: “No! Nope, nope, nope! Not even funny, Tink. Why would you want to subject coach to your farts? I thought you liked her.”
Tink: “Well you share everything with her so I thought that I would share everything too.”
Me: “Tink, I do not talk to her about farting!”
Tink: “You talk to her about being constituted.”
Me: “That’s constipated. And I told her that I almost died. It was a traumatic event.”
Tink: “Really?! There was no need to let her in on that part of your life. She likes me more than she likes you, anyway. I don’t understand why you’re being so dramatic.”
Me: “Tink I almost lost my life! I was in the middle of hostage negotiations with my poop chute, and I saw the grim reaper! The whole event scared me to death. And I will not compete for our coach with a cat! You know that she’ll call the police to come and do welfare check on me. And then I’d have to go to the ER and deal with idiots.”
Tink: “It was just a little poop ghost. The poop fan is on.”
Me: “There is nothing about that fart that is little. And no that’s our living room fan and all it does is swirl that weapon of ass destruction all over the house. And it sticks to everything. The whole house smells like I’ve been cooking with dookie tonight!”
Tink is now overcome with laughter.
Me: “A poop fan takes it out of the house. And you can tell your “ghost” that it needs a tic tac or an altoid because it has some crappy dragon breath. Plus, the police officers would arrest you for endangering the life of a vulnerable adult.”
Tink: “Well, I’ve been watching Cops, and I know when I’m supposed to start running. I refuse to be put in handcuffs!!”
Me: “They wouldn’t use handcuffs. They would bring Animal Control and use a rabies pole.”
Tink: “Outta my way momma that’s my cue to start running!”
Ever since then I have been thinking of a way to conduct a “Shock and Awe” moment. I’ve been waiting for a good fart to get her back. So, one day I waited until she was in a deep sleep. I snuck up on her like I was in some type of special forces unit. Operation: “Methane Freebie” was almost over. I got into position close to my target and I Let Her Rip!!! She got vertical at that very moment. I couldn’t help but laugh. With her eyes wide open and her tail all fluffed out she said
Tink: “What in the “Holy Crap on a Cracker” what was that?”
Hysterical Laughter
Me: “I just spoke your “love language.”
Tink: “That was not love, Momma! Had you been a man I would’ve clawed you right in the pickle.”
Me: “Yes it was your “love language.” That was me blowing you a kiss.”
Tink: “I want a divorce!”
I hope you’ve enjoyed this lighthearted post. This was not fiction. My cats and I actually have conversations like this. Thanks for reading! And keep smiling!
Affirmation: If my cat’s flatulence is excessive, I will consult with a veterinarian to rule out any underlying medical conditions.
***Don’t forget to watch the video!***
#Thispuzzledlife
Me: “Coco?”
Coco: “What?!”
Me: “Why are you ignoring me?”
Coco: “Because you tell us if we can’t say anything nice. Don’t say anything at all. So, I’m not saying anything.”
Me: “Coco what are you doing?”
Coco: “Scrapbooking.”
Me: “No you’re not.”
Coco: “Yes I am.”
Me: “Coco, you are laying in a box taking a nap. On top of the scrapbook cart. And you are talking to me.”
Coco: “Ok well the box is what I call scrapbooking. And…..”
Me: “And what?”
Coco: “And sometimes I talk in my sleep.”
Bob The Sled
Coco: “Bob, fire this fiesty little bobsled up and let’s take her for a spin.”
Bob: “First of all my name isn’t Bob. Secondly, this is a scrapbook supplies cart. And thirdly, if you jump on me again I’m going to collapse.”
Coco: “Ummm… Bob-the-scrapbook cart-sled-And the home of the brave. Cock-a-doodle-doo!!!! ”
Me: “My cats are cray, cray. And now my scrapbook cart is talking to me.”
Thank you for reading. Subscribe to this blog and never miss a post.
#Thispuzzledlife
“Pawsitively bewitched by my furry friend’s cuteness.”
-Unknown
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about not forgetting our pets on Halloween. They secretly despise you for the costumes that you pick out. All they wanted was to be a part of the family. And they had no idea that they would be subject to such cruelty. Poor them. I don’t find any of that cruelty. I love seeing our pets dressed up as almost anything. Here are a few of these pets and their personal opinions concerning Halloween costumes. See if you agree. In
Snoop Dogg
“Fo shizzle my nizzle.”
“Dr Patio Furniture ER Stat!”
“A cow?! With utters?! I’m eating the couch pillows when we get home.”
“Seriously? I have my head in a hamburger right now?!”
“May God forgive you for your sin of dressing me up as a nun.”
“How do you live with yourself?”
“Let me tell you all the reasons why I hate you.”
“What in the absolute Hell have you done?!”
“You should go to prison!”
“You should go to prison twice!”
“A Beanie Baby?! Please tell me it isn’t so.”
“I AM CHUCKY!”
“This is your fetish! Not mine!”
“We are calling the ASPCA!”
Thanks for reading! Happy Halloween to you and your pets. Happy Haunting!
Affirmation: I am worthy despite my owner/owners ideas about costumes.
***Don’t forget to watch the video!***
#Thispuzzledlife
This Puzzled Life 