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darnold1975

Self‑Harm Awareness Myths: When the Truth Shows Up With Receipts and No Patience Left

“Ignorance about self‑harm spreads fast. But education stomps out stupidity quicker than a truth bomb at a family reunion.”

 -This Puzzled Life

Light the candles. Hide the breakables. Tell the ancestors to brace themselves. We’re diving into self‑harm myths and the conservative Christian commentary, literally, no one requested. This is where we bust nonsense. Drop truth. And let the cats handle the theology since they’re the only ones qualified.

Self‑harm myths spread faster than gossip at a Mississippi baby shower. They are dramatic, wrong, and usually sourced from someone’s cousin’s friend’s Facebook post from 2012. The cats immediately held a revival in the hallway. Piper paced like a preacher warming up. Coco knocked over a Bible‑verse plaque. Tinkerbell just stared like, “Bless their hearts. But also, absolutely not.”

When some conservative Christians talk about self‑harm, they don’t offer compassion. They offer ignorance wrapped in scripture. And tied with a bow of hurtfulness. They confuse suffering with sin. And empathy with enabling. And the spiritual accuracy of a possum reading a teleprompter.

Meanwhile, the cats are like, “Have y’all tried kindness? Revolutionary concept.”

They held a full meeting:

  • Tinkerbell: “Ignorance is a choice.”
  • Coco: “And they’re choosing it like it’s on sale at Walmart.”
  • Piper: “If you don’t understand self‑harm, educate yourself. If you can’t, be quiet. If you can’t be quiet, go sit with the breakables.”

 Then we hit the myths:

  1. “They want attention.” If people wanted attention, they’d post a vague Facebook status. Self‑harm is hidden, private, and absolutely not performance art.
  2. “It only affects crazy people.” It affects anyone with a nervous system. Trauma doesn’t check IDs.
  3. “Why don’t they just ask for help?” Asking for help requires vulnerability, safety, and courage. Not everyone has that on tap.
  4. “They want to die.” Self‑harm and suicidal intent aren’t twins. They’re distant cousins who accidentally wore matching shirts.
  5.  “Talking about it makes people do it.” If talking made things happen, I’d have abs by now. Silence harms. Conversation helps.
  6. “It’s weakness.” Please. Anyone who’s survived trauma or a Southern holiday dinner is basically an emotional Navy SEAL.

And here’s the truth they never want to hear. Self‑harm is a difficult, deeply human coping behavior that can become addictive. Not a sin. Not a scandal. Not a character flaw. If I didn’t have scars, most folks wouldn’t know I’ve been navigating this for thirty‑seven years. But conservative Christians and ego‑inflated professionals always have the same three‑step treatment plan, “Open your Bible.” “We’ll add you to the prayer list.” “Just stop.” Groundbreaking. Truly. Why didn’t the entire field of psychology think of that?

Instead of compassion, they hammer nails into your coffin like it’s a church‑sponsored carpentry contest. They weaponize scripture. Sanctify stigma. And call it love. Even though judgment has never healed a single wound. But I’m still here. Still healing. Still telling the truth they’d rather bury. Still refusing to shrink so someone else can stay comfortable in their ignorance. If that makes me the family heretic, the rainbow‑colored black sheep, or the one who “asks too many questions,” then bless their hearts. I’d rather be honest and alive than silent and suffering. Thanks for reading! Stay educated.

Affirmation: I choose clarity, compassion, and growth. Ignorance has never healed a single soul.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

Affirmations Of A Badass #1

“My affirmations are so powerful that even my self‑doubt takes notes.”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, we’re stepping into a sacred space of Affirmations of a Badass. This is where the vibes are strong, the confidence is loud, and the only thing fragile is your last excuse.

This isn’t your grandma’s affirmation circle. No one here is whispering “I am enough” while sipping chamomile tea and staring at a beige wall. This is the kind of affirmation practice where you look in the mirror. Hype yourself up like you’re about to perform at the Super Bowl halftime show. And remind your soul that you are the main character.

This is you hyping yourself up just enough to function like a semi‑responsible adult. It’s self‑talk that says:

  • “I can do hard things.”
  • “I deserve good things.”
  • “I am powerful, even if I’m also a hot mess.”
  • “I’m allowed to take up space without apologizing.”

Badass affirmations are about self‑belief, resilience, and getting out of your own way. They don’t put anyone else down. They don’t require an audience. They don’t demand worship. They’re basically emotional caffeine. And let’s be honest, in 2026, we Americans need our emotional bank accounts overflowing, not overdrawn.

And for those of us who’ve lived through trauma, our confidence wasn’t just shaken. It was bulldozed, set on fire, and then politely kicked into a ditch. So, It’s our responsibility to rebuild what was lost. Sometimes daily. Sometimes hourly. Sometimes between sips of coffee. That’s why we walk into every day like we own the place. Because honestly, at this point, the universe should probably be paying us rent.

My power is loud. My confidence spreads faster than gossip in a small town. And my energy refuses to shrink just because someone else forgot their sparkle. I am a badass in progress. A masterpiece in motion. And anyone who can’t handle that, can step to the side while I strut.

And no, before anyone gets confused, this is not narcissism. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is dangerous, not a vibe. It’s not confidence. It’s a fragile ego wrapped in glitter.

Narcissism says:

  • “I’m better than everyone.”
  • “Rules don’t apply to me.”
  • “If you don’t praise me, you’re wrong.”
  • “Your feelings are optional. Mine are mandatory.”

Narcissism needs constant validation, lacks empathy, and treats people like props in a one‑person show. It’s not empowerment. It’s entitlement.

Badass affirmations, on the other hand, kick the door open, hand you a metaphorical crown, and say, “Get up! We’ve got a world to set on fire.” Being a badass isn’t about perfection. It’s about showing up even when your hair looks like it’s been negotiating with humidity for three days straight. It’s about believing in yourself even when your brain is like, “Girl… really?” And it’s about knowing that beneath the chaos, the caffeine, the weed, and the questionable life choices, you are powerful, capable, and slightly unhinged in the best possible way. Now, take a deep breath. Center your spirit. And prepare your soul. We’re about to affirm the absolute hell out of ourselves.

The first affirmation for we badasses is this:

“I walk into every day like I own the place, because honestly… I do. My power is loud, my confidence is contagious, and my energy is too big to shrink for anyone. I am a badass in progress and a masterpiece at the same time.”

Translation: “I don’t just enter a room. I arrive like a dramatic wind gust that knocks over a plant and makes everyone wonder if they should applaud.” It’s the energy of someone who wakes up, looks in the mirror, and says, “Yes, I am the creator of my universe,” then immediately trips over their own shoe but recovers like it was part of the dance.

It’s the vibe of a person who walks into a retail giant like they’re the CEO and buys absolutely nothing they came for because their confidence whispered, “Do You Boo Boo!”

It’s the spiritual equivalent of wearing sunglasses indoors. Not because you need them. But because your aura is too bright for the general public. It’s the declaration of someone who is simultaneously building themselves, hyping themselves, and confusing everyone around them with their chaotic, unstoppable energy. Basically, you’re a masterpiece who occasionally forgets where you put your keys, but you do it with swagger.

And there you have it. Your first dose of “I’m unstoppable and mildly dangerous in a charming way.” If anyone doubts your power after this, simply slow‑blink at them like a cat who knows it owns the house. Because you do. You absolutely do.

Remember that being a badass isn’t about having it all together. It’s about walking into the day with confidence, resilience, and the kind of energy that makes people wonder what you know that they don’t. It’s about hyping yourself up even when life feels like a group project and you’re the only one doing the work. It’s about choosing yourself unapologetically.

Don’t worry. Rebuilding confidence is the state that I’ve been in for many years. It’s not instantaneous. It’s something that will require diligence, patience and perseverance even on days when you don’t want to. So go forth, you magnificent Tasmanian devil of chaos. Speak kindly to yourself. Strut like the universe belongs to you. And if all else fails, repeat after me: “I am a badass, and the world will adjust accordingly.” Thanks for reading! Now Manifest It.

Affirmation: I affirm my affirmations with such confidence that even my doubts are like, ‘Okay fine, she clearly means business.’

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

Things I Trust More Than This Administration

“I trust bad vibes, random coincidences, and my toaster more than this administration.”

-Unknown

 Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today’s blog is not just a list. It’s a public service announcement. A spiritual awakening. And a petty masterpiece crafted by a woman who has seen too much, heard too much, and tripped in public too many times to stay silent.

I woke up this morning. Turned on the news. And immediately felt my soul pack a suitcase and whisper, “I’ll be at the Motel 6 if you need me.” Piper gasped like she was watching a telenovela. Coco clutched her imaginary pearls. Tinkerbell just sighed the sigh of a woman who has lived through 14 administrations and is spiritually moisturized enough to handle anything.

And that’s when I knew it was time. Time to document Things I Trust More Than the Current Administration. It’s a list so chaotic, so accurate, and so spiritually petty that even my ancestors leaned in like, “Go on, baby. Tell it.” So, grab your snacks, your beads, your emotional support beverage, and your sense of humor. This is about to get disrespectful in a healing way.

1. My flip‑flops.

Yes. It’s the same flip‑flops that tried to assassinate me in slow motion. The ones with the structural integrity of a soggy communion wafer. The ones that folded like a cheap lawn chair at a family reunion. Still more dependable.

Tinkerbell: “At least the flip‑flops don’t lie on television.”

2. Piper’s decision‑making skills.

This is the same creature who ate a sparkly Pride bandana. Who tried to flash her nonexistent cat boobs for beads. And who attempted to unionize against bedtime. And yet? I trust her more.

Piper: “I make bold choices. Not good ones. But bold.”

3. A gas station egg salad sandwich.

Expiration date: unknown. Smell: concerning. Texture: illegal. But at least it’s honest about the danger.

Coco: “It may kill you, but it won’t gaslight you.”

4. A toddler holding a permanent marker.

Will they draw on the wall or the dog or their own face? Yes. But at least you know chaos is coming.

5. A goose with a clipboard.

He’s honking. He’s chasing people. He’s eating paperwork. But he believes in his mission.

Piper: “That’s passion. I respect it.”

6. My own ability to walk in flip‑flops.

History says no. Physics says no. Gravity says “Absolutely No.” But I still trust myself more.

Coco: “Bold of you.”

7. The cats’ ability to behave in public.

They have caused a Mardi Gras incident. Stolen a praline. Gotten into a legal dispute with NOPD. And started a jazz band. And yet? More trustworthy.

8. A Walmart shopping cart with one broken wheel.

It squeaks. It veers left. It shakes like it’s possessed. But it’s trying its best.

9. A fortune cookie written by someone who was clearly drunk.

“Your future is… something.” Same, babe. Same.

10. Ebola

At least Ebola is upfront like, “I’m dangerous. Stay away.” No mixed messages. No confusion. Just pure, uncut honesty.

Tinkerbell: “Clarity is a love language.”

11. Jeffrey Dahmer’s dinner invitations

Not attending. Not RSVPing. Not even opening the envelope. But at least you KNOW what you’re getting into. There’s no mystery. No surprises. Just a firm, “No thank you, sir,” and a quick jog in the opposite direction.

Coco: “Predictability matters.”

12. Jim Jones’ Kool‑Aid recipe

Not drinking it. Not smelling it. Not being in the same ZIP code as it. But I trust that it will do exactly what it promises. No false advertising. No fine print. Just consequences.

Piper: “At least it’s consistent.”

13. COVID 1‑19

The actual virus. Because COVID shows up like, “Hey girl, I’m back.” And honestly? I respect the commitment to the bit. It’s the ex who keeps returning but at least texts first.

Tinkerbell: “Reliability is reliability, even when it’s terrible.”

14. A stomach virus

It doesn’t lie. It doesn’t pretend. It doesn’t gaslight you. It just shows up at 3 AM like, “Hope you didn’t have plans today.”

Coco: “At least it’s punctual.”

15. A fart when I have amoebic dysentery

This is the MOST untrustworthy thing on Earth. A gamble. A spiritual test. A moment where your soul leaves your body and watches from the ceiling. And yet, still more trustworthy.

Piper: “High‑risk, high‑reward.”

Tinkerbell: “Baby, that’s not a fart. That’s a prophecy.”

16. A gas station hotdog that’s been spinning since 2014

At least it hasn’t claimed to have a plan for the country.

17. My cats’ understanding of personal space

They don’t respects boundaries, much the administration. But they’re consistent about something.

18. A psychic named Debra who accepts Venmo

Makes promises you can verify immediately.

19. My phone’s autocorrect

Provides helpful suggestions, not false promises.

20. The voice in my head that says, “this is a bad idea.”

Offers accountability before the disaster.

And do you know what? None of them have access to nuclear codes.

And so, after reviewing flip‑flops with abandonment issues, geese with clipboards, and Piper’s ongoing feud with law enforcement, one truth remains. There are many things in this world more trustworthy than the current administration. And most of them should not be legally trusted at all. But here we are. Surviving. Thriving. Spiritually hydrated. Held together by snacks, sarcasm, and the emotional support of three cats who have never paid taxes but have very strong opinions.

Piper is already drafting her own State of the Union. Coco is fact‑checking it with a glass of imaginary wine. Tinkerbell is praying for all of us. As for me? I’m lighting the sage again. Because after this list, the energy in here needs a full exorcism. And remember, “If chaos is inevitable, at least make it funny.” Thanks for reading! Keep resisting.

Affirmation: “I move through this chaotic timeline with the resilience of a goose with a clipboard, and the unhinged optimism of someone who still trusts a fart during amoebic dysentery more than the people allegedly running the country.”

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

The Day My Cats Politely Invited Chuckles Schumer & Hakeem Jeffries to Go Sit Down Somewhere

“My cats said they’re not being dramatic. They’re simply providing live‑action accountability theatre, and honestly I believe them.”

-This Puzzled Life

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Let the ancestors pull up a folding chair and witness this foolishness with us. Because today? Oh, today my cats have decided democracy needs a tune‑up, a talking‑to, and possibly a timeout. 

 I woke up this morning thinking I was going to drink my coffee in peace, maybe stare out the window like a Victorian widow waiting on a ship that ain’t coming. But no. My cats had other plans. These furry little Mississippi revolutionaries marched into my kitchen like they were about to brief the United Nations. Tails high, whiskers twitching, and a level of determination usually reserved for toddlers with markers.

I was minding my business when my cats, Piper, Coco, and Tinkerbell, held what they called an “emergency household caucus.” Before I could even say “who knocked over the sweet tea,” they announced they had business with the corporate Democrats. That’s when I knew my day was already off the rails.

Piper strutted in first, tail high, wearing the expression of a cat who has read too many think pieces and is now dangerous. Coco followed, dragging a legal pad like she was preparing to depose somebody. Tinkerbell brought snacks because she believes all political action should include refreshments.

They hopped on the kitchen table like they were about to brief the press.

Piper began by saying, “Mother,” “we have concerns about the corporate Democrats.” Now, I don’t know who taught my cats the phrase corporate Democrats, but I suspect it was the ancestors. They stay whispering through these animals.

Coco cleared her throat. “We, the Feline Coalition for Chaos and Accountability, would like to formally request that Chuckles Schumer and Hakeem Jeffries step down from leadership.”

I blinked. “Step down? Why?”

Tinkerbell raised a paw like she was in Sunday school. “Because, Mother, they keep giving speeches that sound like they were written by a committee of tired interns and a malfunctioning printer. We deserve leadership with claws.”

Piper nodded vigorously. “Also, Chuckles keeps doing that thing where he smiles like he’s about to announce a sale on orthopedic shoes. It’s unsettling.”

Coco flipped her legal pad open. “And Hakeem Jeffries keeps delivering those alphabetized speeches like he’s auditioning for a Sesame Street reboot. We respect the craft, but the vibes are off.” I tried to reason with them. “Y’all can’t just tell national leaders to step down.”

Piper: “Why not? They tell everybody else what to do.”

Coco: “We’re simply offering them the opportunity to rest. They look tired. They look like they need a sabbatical and a weighted blanket.”

Tinkerbell: “And a casserole. They need a casserole.”

Then Piper hopped onto the counter, puffed her chest out, and declared, “We propose a new era of leadership, The Cat Majority.” Coco added, “We will govern with transparency, accountability, and snacks.” Tinkerbell chimed in, “And naps. Mandatory naps.”

At this point, the ancestors were laughing so hard I could feel the floorboards vibrating. The cats drafted a letter paw‑printed, of course, inviting Chuckles and Hakeem to “step aside gracefully and go enjoy a nice porch swing somewhere.” They even offered to send them home with a starter pack that consists of  a quilt, a jar of pickles, and a coupon for a free cat cuddle.

“Mother,” Piper said, “we’re not trying to be rude. We’re trying to be helpful.” Coco nodded. “Sometimes leadership means knowing when to pass the laser pointer.”

These cats stay teaching boundary wisdom. So, if you hear rumors that three Mississippi cats have launched a political action committee dedicated to refreshing Democratic leadership, just know that I tried to stop them. I really did. And they personally asked me to leave you with this, “May your leaders be bold, your snacks be plentiful, and your naps be protected by law.”

And that’s how I found myself standing in my own kitchen, barefoot, holding a biscuit, watching my cats draft a politely chaotic memo encouraging national leaders to go sit down somewhere and rest their spirits. I didn’t approve it, but I also didn’t stop it. Because honestly? Once the Feline Caucus for Accountability gets rolling, even the ancestors step back and say, “Baby, let them handle it.”  

If you hear rustling in the political bushes, don’t worry. It’s just my cats, armed with clipboards, snacks, and the audacity of creatures who sleep 18 hours a day but still think everyone else needs to do better.

In the end, after all the paw‑pointing, clipboard slapping, and snack‑based deliberations, my cats looked me dead in my human face and said, “Mother, sometimes leadership just needs to rotate like a cast‑iron skillet.” Then they sashayed off with tails high, and whiskers smug. And leaving me standing in my own kitchen like a confused extra in a political reboot of The Aristocats. And that’s when it hit me. If three house cats with no jobs, no taxes, and no respect for closed doors can demand accountability with this much confidence, then surely the rest of us can too. And with that, the Feline Caucus adjourned. Mic dropped. Claws retracted. And democracy slightly improved. Thanks for reading! Keep resisting. And ask for a change in leadership.

Affirmation: “Today I move with the confidence of a cat knocking something off the counter. Unbothered, intentional, and fully prepared to blame gravity.”

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

Piper’s First Valentine’s Day

“This is definitely an ‘I’ll let you take up the whole bed’ kind of love.”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Before we dive into this Valentine’s Day conversation between Piper, Coco, and Tinkerbell, you need to prepare yourself spiritually, emotionally, and possibly legally. This is not a drill. This is a three‑cat romantic holiday special, and none of them have the emotional maturity for it.

Piper is experiencing her very first Valentine’s Day and is convinced the heart‑shaped decorations are either edible, haunted, or both. Coco has already declared herself “too evolved” for holiday nonsense but will absolutely participate if snacks are involved. And Tinkerbell? She’s been practicing dramatic poses since sunrise and is one tail‑flick away from demanding a wind machine.

Take a deep breath, center your soul, and maybe grab a helmet. Because nothing says “Valentine’s Day” quite like three cats trying to understand love, treats, and why humans keep squealing at them. Welcome to the chaos.

The situation starts in the hallway. A pink paper heart lies on the floor. Piper is sniffing it like it might be a trap. Coco is perched on a shelf, judging everything. Tinkerbell is dramatically sprawled across a blanket like she’s posing for a romance novel cover.

Tinkerbell: “Ah yes… Valentine’s Day. A day of love, devotion, and dramatic poses. You’re welcome, everyone.”

Coco: “You’re not even posing. You’re just lying there like a furry croissant.”

Tinkerbell: “A romantic furry croissant.”

Piper: “Um… what exactly is Valentine’s Day? Mom keeps saying it’s my first one. Should I be nervous?”

Coco: “Only if you hate affection. Or treats. Or being told you’re adorable every five minutes.”

Piper: “Oh. So, a normal day?”

Tinkerbell: “Exactly, little one. Except today the humans get extra sentimental. They say things like “my sweet baby” and “my heart is full” while we’re just trying to nap.”

Piper: “So why is it special for me?”

Coco: “Because it’s your first Valentine’s Day in this family. Your first one where you’re safe, loved, and part of the chaos.”

Tinkerbell: “And because you’ve officially been promoted from “new cat” to “beloved gremlin.”

Piper: “Beloved gremlin?”

Coco: “It’s a compliment. Trust me.”

Piper: “So, Valentine’s Day means I’m really part of the pride now?”

Tinkerbell: “You’ve been part of us since the moment you tried to steal my blanket. Bold move. I respected it.”

Coco: “And when you knocked over Mom’s drink. Twice. That sealed the deal.”

Piper: “I didn’t mean to.”

Coco: “Exactly. That’s what made it adorable.”

Piper: “So, what do we do to celebrate?”

Tinkerbell: “We nap dramatically. We accept treats. We allow forehead kisses. We tolerate photos. We act like we invented love.”

Coco: “And we remind you that you are home. For good.”

Piper: “I like Valentine’s Day.”

Tinkerbell: “Then welcome to your first one, sweetheart. You’re loved. Deeply. Even when you chew things you shouldn’t.”

Tinkerbell: “Now then. Who wants to help me dramatically lounge on the Valentine’s blanket for photos?”

Coco: “Hard pass. Last year she made me wear a bow tie. I’m still recovering emotionally.”

Piper: “What’s a bow tie? Is it dangerous? Does it bite?”

Coco: “Only your dignity.”

Tinkerbell: “Relax, children. This year, I’m going for a “natural beauty” aesthetic. No costumes. Just vibes.”

Piper: “Oh! I can do vibes!”

Immediately knocks over a decorative heart

Coco: “And there it is. The Valentine’s chaos has begun.”

Tinkerbell: “Honestly? Iconic. Destructive. Poetic. Piper, you’re officially ready for your first Valentine’s Day.”

Piper: “Does that mean I get more treats?”

Coco: “Kid, it’s Valentine’s Day. You could sneeze and Mom would give you a treat.”

Tinkerbell: “Watch this.”

Slow blinks dramatically at and me and all three cats simultaneously receive treats.

Piper: “So this is love?”

Coco: “This is manipulation. But yes, also love.”

Tinkerbell: “Welcome to the family, sweetheart. Now let’s go knock over something else. For romance.”

By the end of the day, the house looked like Cupid had broken in, gotten confused, and left in a hurry. Piper was proudly carrying around a crumpled paper heart like she’d won a major award. Coco had retreated to her high shelf to judge everyone from above, as is tradition. And Tinkerbell? She was sprawled across the Valentine’s blanket like a dramatic Victorian hero who had fainted from too much affection. Truly, the vibes were immaculate.

And as the treats settled, the chaos calmed, and the humans finally stopped squealing about “cute little faces,” the cats came to a single, universal conclusion. Valentine’s Day is weird. But also kind of amazing. After all, any holiday that rewards them for simply existing is a holiday worth celebrating. So, here’s to Piper’s first Valentine’s Day. A day full of love, snacks, dramatic posing, and just enough mischief to keep the universe balanced. Thanks for reading!

Affirmation: You are loved like a warm lap on a rainy day.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

The Girls And Their New Year’s “Revolutions”

“Every day is Caturday.”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to tell you about what the girls have decided that their new year’s resolutions will be. 

Copeland asked me one day, “Momma what are Coco, Tink and Piper’s new year’s revolutions?” Not really paying attention I asked, “What did you say?” He repeated, “What are Tink, Coco, and Piper’s New Year’s “Revolutions?” I start giggling. He said, “Why are you laughing?” I told him, “Baby boy, that’s New Year’s Resolutions not Revolutions.” To which he replied, “Can you please find out?” So, this story is my quest for answers.

Me: “Girls! Come here, please!”

Piper: “Coming momma!”

Coco: “Me too!”

Tink: “Me three!”

The sound of the jingling of the bell on their collars is always anticipated

  Me: “Thank you, girls. So, brother Copeland wants me to ask you a question. He wants to know what your New Year’s “Revolutions” are?

Piper: “What’s that?”

Coco: “Momma, my revolutions are around the snack cart only?”

Tink:  “You’re a dork. Momma, could you explain to me what that is?”

Me: “Well, it’s what you want to challenge yourself to do for the New Year.”

Coco: “That’s easy. I want to seize control over the world’s supply of catnip.”

Tink: “I want to learn how to fly and be a bird.”

Coco: “Omg! Was that a serious answer?”

Tink: “Hush it grumpy.”

Me: “Ok, Piper it’s your turn. Piper get still and be serious!”

Piper: “But momma, I’m just playing with the leftover bows and wrapping paper.”

Me: “You can do that in a minute. Your little brother wanted me to ask you about what you want to change for the new year. It’s called a New Year’s Resolution.”

Piper: “I want to enter an American Ninja Warrior competition.”

Me: “Piper, you’re too young.”

Piper: “Ummmm, ok. Well, how about taking more selfies?”

Me: “Let’s just say that maybe working on manners. And why do you want to take more selfies?”

Piper: “Because people think I’m cute!”

Me: “Fair enough little girl. Coco, do you have another resolution?”

Coco: “More catnip.”

Me: “Really? Like you couldn’t come up with another one?”

Coco: “I just do not want to be bothered and have my own personal supply of cookies, catnip, and lizards. You know I’m pretty much a professional at catching lizards.”

Me: “Yes. But only if you’re the only one in the room.”

Piper: “Yea, Coco. You need to share your lizards.”

Tink: “Momma, what are your New Year’s Resolutions?”

Me: “Probably, just authoring more stories about you all. I would also like to spend more time with your brothers. And I have a big surprise for this year.”

Coco, Tink and Piper: “Oh we like surprises. What is it?”

Me: “Well, it’s a surprise.”

Coco: “Momma, you can’t tell us that you have a surprise and then not tell us. It’s against the rules.”

Me: “Rules of what?”

Coco: “Well, I do live in the United States of Coco. And in the cat bible of instructions it’s specifically states, “You are not allowed to speak of surprises and not instantly tell us what it is. And that is found in 1 Coco 24:7.”

Me: “Big problem. I’m not a cat.”

Coco: “That’s right. I feel sorry for you. Because cats are the highest beings on earth.”

Me: “Have you ever seen me on 420? Because I would put that statement to the test. Ok. Does anyone have something else they need to say in this family meeting?”

Tink: “Well, momma, I would like to bite the big orange turd in the White House directly in his swollen cankles.”

Me: “I think most people in our country could agree on that. For right now though, let’s just work on becoming an even happier family.”

Piper: “But what about my brothers?”

Me:  “Baby, your brothers will always be a part of our family.”

Affirmation: There is no one else in the world I would rather be.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs

“That is what I call open, honest and direct communication.”
“Where in the world do random cows fall off cliffs?”

“Really?! They needed a sign to remind E.T. to buckle up?”

“Seriously? Why are you advertising this? Are there that many people who want to join?”

“Apparently, the Mississippi state bird has been busy.”

“What is it with alligators?! They don’t need mushrooms. They need weed to help with that aggression.

“Thanks for the warning!”

“So does this mean what if you go down the ramp in a scooter you would be safe? Gators be like, “Can’t eat them, it’s not a wheelchair.”

“Umm why can’t I breathe under the water?”

“Ha! I’ll be on the lookout for invisible cows.”

I can’t decide if the octopus wants to continue playing or needs my help. It’s looking at me. But i have no idea what it’s trying to say.”

“Aw man! There goes my fun time at the festival. Who does this?!”

“I need to put this on my front door for when the boys come to visit.”

“Ok right before I die, I’ll do that.”

“Ok well that’s the most visible, non-working sign I’ve ever seen.”

“I’m not sure why that animal attacks vehicles at random. But I do know that it needs to go out on some pants. Mr Animal I see your too-lo-li.”

“Some of the best comedy available.”

“Best caption ever!”

“Most Accurate Sign Of The Year!”

I hope you’ve enjoyed some laughs like I have. Sometimes you have to take timeout to laugh. Thanks for reading! And please share with a friend.

Affirmation: I allow myself to laugh often and without guilt.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Piper’s Spay Day

“A happy arrangement: many people prefer cats to other people and many cats prefer people to other cats.”

 -Mason Cooley

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to tell you about a situation that occurred. And, well, it was concerning the specific moment when I had to tell Piper that she was going to get spayed.

Me: “Piper!”

Piper: “Coming momma!”

Me: “What were you three doing?”

Piper: “I had just jumped on Tink’s back and was biting her head. And she was getting mad at me.”

Me: “Well, I need to talk to you about something?”

Coco: “Me and Tink are on the way, momma.”

Me: “Well, it might be good to have you here for support.”

Tink: “Uh-oh. Is everything ok?”

Piper: “What’s the matter momma?”

Me: “Well, when you get to be a certain age you need to have a surgery.”

Tink: “Oh yes! Snip, snip little girl.”

Coco: “Snip! Snip! And it’s going to hurt really bad.”

Me: “Tink! Coco! Ya’ll stop. You’re going to scare her.”

(Piper begins sobbing)

Piper: “Momma, why do you want to make me hurt?”

Me: “Coco and Tink, why did you say that?”

Piper: “Momma, I’m scared!”

Me: “Look, calm down a second. When you get to be a certain age, you must have a surgery to remove your kitten maker.”

Coco: “Snip! Snip!”

Me: “Coco, stop it! Piper, they give you some medicine to make you go to sleep so that you don’t even know that it’s going on.”

Piper: “But momma. What if I wanted to be a momma one day?”

Me: “Piper let me explain something to you. Momma cats don’t just have one kitten. If they had just one, you could have a kitten, and it could live with us. Momma cats have anywhere from 8-12 babies at a time. And we wouldn’t able to keep them. It would be harder on you if I took your babies away from you after you had already bonded with them.”

Piper: “So you’re not doing this to be mean to me?”

Me: “No baby. Tink and Coco did the same thing. And it helps keep you healthier the older you get. If you had a lot of babies and we couldn’t find homes for them all, we would have to take them to the shelter. And there are already too many puppies and kittens who have to do that. I’m just trying to make it easier on you and all of us by doing this. Think about it. If you had 8 kittens. Coco had 8 kittens. And Tink had 8 kittens. What would we have?”

Piper: “A crowd?”

Me: “Yes. And I wouldn’t be able to care for that many.”

Piper: “Ok. Well, I don’t want to be a momma cat to that many babies. But I’m still scared.”

Me: “I know you are. But I will go with you.”

Piper: “You promise?”

Me: “Unless, of course, you know how to drive a vehicle.”

Piper: “No way.”

Me: “I promise you might be a little scared. But you will be fine. And I will go get you whenever they say that you’re safe to come back home. And then we can cuddle, ok?”

Piper: “Ok. Please don’t forget about me.”

Me: “Don’t worry. Me and your sisters would never forget about you.”

Tink: “Piper, we were just messing with you. You will be fine. If you get scared, just ask “tha Jesus” to make you not scared.”

Coco: “Yea, kid. We were just playing with you. I was a little sleepy and sore afterwards. But the doctors will give you some medicine to make you not hurt but just a little bit.”

Piper: “Will you and Tink go with me?”

Coco: “Heck no!”

Piper: “Why not?”

Tink: “Because they take your temperature.”

Piper: “What does that mean?”

Me: “They just want to make sure that you don’t have a fever which would mean that you were sick.”

Piper: “Ok. Well, that doesn’t seem bad.”

(Coco now mumbling)

Coco: “That’s what you think.”

Piper: “What?”

 Me: “Coco hush up. Piper, you will be fine.”

Piper: “Ok. Thank ya’ll for explaining things. I feel better. I love you big sissies.”

Coco and Tink: “We love you too, Piper.”

I’m writing this the day after Piper’s surgery. She did fine. And when I picked her up from the vet, except for the fact that she was still a little bit woozy and moving around like she had eaten an entire container of cannabis edibles, she did extremely well. Piper and Tink hissed at her for the next four hours because she and her carrier smelled like Noah’s ark from being around so many other animals, I am currently writing with two of them in my lap. Remember to always spay and neuter your animals. Thanks for reading!

Affirmation: I know when to curl up for a good nap

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Piper Attempts Playing Hide-And-Seek

“Time spent with cats is never squandered, it’s ‘purr’fect!”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. I’ve told you how bad my girls are at playing hide-and-seek. And Piper is no different. Apparently, she and her sisters have  been discussing how to play the game. Piper was so excited to show me what she had learned. I held my breath and prepared for the negative impact. And well….she might also have deficits in this area of her life. Read our conversation and draw your own conclusion on the future of my cats and their abilities to play a commonly played childhood game known as Hide-And-Seek. I am busy writing, and I overhear the girls talking about playing the game. So, I listen closer. Check out this interaction.

Coco: “Here let me show you what I’m talking about. Always remember, if you can’t see them, they can’t see you.”

Tink: “Yea. It’s pretty easy when you get the hang of it. I don’t know why momma got us a tutor.”

(The girls show Piper their version of the game.)

Piper: “Oh yes! I’ve got it now. But momma always tells me that I’m wrong.”

Coco: “Piper, one thing you have to understand is that we allow momma to think she’s right. But we do our own thing anyway. Except when she says, “TREAT OR COOKIE.” Then, we just act insanely happy and meow as much and as loud as you can. Those are the rules.”

Tink: “You have to train momma. She brings me my treats, or she throws them to me. And it’s really fun when she puts them all over the house for us to find. Then we show her who are the real stars of the game. It’s not about what’s true. It’s all about what is perceived.”

Piper: “Wow! Did momma teach you that?”

Tink: “No, the president did.”

Me: “Hold up girls! What are you talking about?”

Coco: “We were just teaching Piper how to play hide-and-seek.”

Me: “But ya’ll don’t even know how to hide appropriately.”

Coco: “Well, we are working with a tutor.”

Me: “True you are. But I think we need someone who will push you harder.”

Piper: “But I’m learning how to play.”

Me: “Ok. Show me what you’ve got.”

(They form a huddle and talk in private.)

Coco: “Ok. Ready. Break! Momma start counting.”

They all take off looking for the perfect hiding spot.

Me: “7…8…9…10! Ready or not, here I come!”

Everything is eerily quiet.

Coco:

 Tink:

 Piper:

Me: “I found all of you!”

Coco: “Piper, run like you stole something!”

Tink: “I concede to defeat.”

Me: “Really Tink?! Why?”

Tink: “Because I want to take a nap now.”

Piper: “I made it back to the base. Do we get a cookie now?

Coco: “Cookies? Who said, “Cookies? Meow! Meow!”

Piper: “Meow! Meow! Meow!”

Me: “Girls, that doesn’t mean that you get treats!”

Coco and Piper: “Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow!”

Me: “Girls, hush!”

Coco and Piper: “Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow!”

Me: “Ok! Ok! Just hush!”

Coco: “See, you play the game just like that, Piper. Everyone is a winner!”

Tink: “Momma, please bring me my treats!”

Me: “Fine just be quiet.”

Coco: “Winner. Winner. Chicken cookie dinner!”

As you can see, the girls have their own agenda. And please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we try to survive as a family. Thanks for reading!

Affirmation: I am the queen of the snack jar.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

A Moment With Piper

“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”

-Terry Pratchett

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about what it’s like living with Piper. She is finally coming into her own and getting bigger every day. Check this out!

Piper: “Momma help me!”

Me: “What is the problem, Piper?”

Piper: “Tink bit my butt for no reason!”

Me: “Did you do anything to her?”

Piper: “No! She just bit me for no reason!”

Tink: “Piper you cowabungaed my head!”

Piper: “No I didn’t! Fluff off!” 

Tink: “What did you say? You little feline fluff ball?”

Piper: “I promise! I did nothing wrong!”

Me: “Piper, the collected evidence shows that you, in fact, jumped on Tink’s head without provocation.”

Piper: “Momma, I’m just a little kitty!”

Me: “And you are responsible for your own kitty actions.”

Tink: “Ha! Ha! I told you, you little snack stealer!”

Piper: “Momma said that I was growing and needed more than anyone else.”

Me: “Piper, I did not! Coco, do you care to chime in?”

Coco: “Hear no evil. See no evil. Speak no evil.”

Piper: “Well, that’s what I heard you say.”

Me: “When, ma’am?”

Piper: “The other night when I was asleep.”

Me: “Piper, that must’ve been while you were dreaming.”

Piper: “Well, you still said it no matter if I was awake or asleep.”

Me: “Piper, you must share your snacks just like you want me to share everything that I eat.”

Piper: “Well, I’m just curious and want to know what you’re eating?”

Me: “By jumping on me and into my plate?”

Piper: “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

Thanks for reading! Life with my girls is full of laughs and love. They are my family. Keep moving forward and always spay and neuter you pets.

Affirmation: I deserve every snack and piece of food that I find.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife