funny

darnold1975

Democracy, Sage, and Whatever This Year Thinks It’s Doing

“At this point, I’m not sure if I’m fighting for democracy or just trying to survive a year that keeps acting like it’s on bath salts.”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. If this year had a Yelp page, I’d give it one star and a strongly worded paragraph. We are thirty‑something days into the mess of 2026, and I already feel like I’ve aged a decade. I’ve developed three new stress wrinkles. And spiritually relocated to a hammock in the void. Every morning, I wake up, stretch, hydrate, and whisper, “Lord, please don’t let the news be stupid today.” And every morning the universe replies, “Lol, girl… buckle up.”

This year is already acting like it’s on a Red Bull and trauma cocktail, and I’m just trying to keep my chakras aligned and my blood pressure below “boiling crawfish water.” Because friends, we have made it through one month of this year, and I already feel like I’ve lived through three seasons of a political horror series that nobody asked for. One month down, eleven to go in this year, and I’m already spiritually dehydrated, emotionally crunchy, and mentally on airplane mode.

But before we collapse into a heap of snacks and despair, we need to remember something. We are living through one of the most crucial moments in our country’s history. Not the fun kind. Not the “look at us making progress” kind. The “why does it feel like the universe put us on the wrong timeline” kind.

I’ve lived through some terrifying chapter moments where the country felt shaken to its bones. And now, in these recent years, we’ve watched scenes unfold in our own streets that feel like they belong in a dystopian movie Not in the United States of America. It’s heartbreaking. It’s exhausting. It’s infuriating. But here we are. Still standing. Still fighting. Still lighting sage like it’s a full‑time job.

This year isn’t just another year. It’s a battle for the soul of our democracy. And for the freedoms that generations before us fought, marched, bled, and prayed for. And yes, it feels like those freedoms are hanging on by a thread. A frayed, overworked, overstressed thread that needs a nap and a snack.

We cannot sit back and hope the courts fix it. We’ve seen enough to know that institutions don’t always protect us the way they should. So, we do what people in this country have always done when the system fails. We raise our voices. We show up. We refuse to be silent.

And if that means losing friends, family members, coworkers, or that one Facebook cousin who thinks memes are research? So be it. Democracy is not a group project where everyone gets an A for showing up. You pick a side. You stand for freedom and equality, or you stand with the people trying to dismantle them. There is no middle ground left.

And let me be clear. If someone chooses to align themselves with cruelty, corruption, or movements that excuse harm, they will not be around me or the people I love. Period. Boundaries are healthy. Boundaries are holy. Boundaries are the reason some of us are still sane. Because the same folks who scream “family values” the loudest are often the ones forgetting what values actually are. They’ll clutch their pearls over drag queens reading storybooks. But stay silent when real harm happens in their own communities. The hypocrisy is so strong it could power the entire state of Mississippi if we could bottle it.

And don’t even get me started on “purity culture.” The idea of signing my virginity over to my father? Absolutely not. I would rather have a hysterectomy with a ballpoint pen. Here’s the real truth beneath all the rage, humor and exhaustion. We will not have a future if we don’t fight for the present. Democracy doesn’t disappear all at once. It erodes, inch by inch, while people look away. And once it’s gone, it’s gone.

So, we stay loud. We stay vigilant. We stay connected. We stay hopeful even when hope feels like a thrift‑store candle burning on its last wick. Because the future is watching us. And we are not going down quietly. As we drag ourselves through the rest of this year like a Walmart buggy with one busted wheel, let us remember that we are tired, yes. We are stressed, absolutely. We are one headline away from screaming into a pillow, correct.

We are also loud, alive, unbothered in spirit, and too damn stubborn to let democracy slip away on our watch. So, light your sage. Charge your crystals. Hydrate your soul. And prepare your voice because silence is a luxury we cannot afford. We will fight. We will vote. We will show up like the ancestors are watching because they are. And when this year tries to test us again, we will simply look it dead in the eye and say, “Not today, demon.” Thanks for reading! And keep hope alive. 

Affirmation: I stay grounded, loud, and unbothered, because my spirit refuses to let chaos, clowns, or corrupt leaders dim the light the ancestors handed me.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

The Girls And Their New Year’s “Revolutions”

“Every day is Caturday.”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to tell you about what the girls have decided that their new year’s resolutions will be. 

Copeland asked me one day, “Momma what are Coco, Tink and Piper’s new year’s revolutions?” Not really paying attention I asked, “What did you say?” He repeated, “What are Tink, Coco, and Piper’s New Year’s “Revolutions?” I start giggling. He said, “Why are you laughing?” I told him, “Baby boy, that’s New Year’s Resolutions not Revolutions.” To which he replied, “Can you please find out?” So, this story is my quest for answers.

Me: “Girls! Come here, please!”

Piper: “Coming momma!”

Coco: “Me too!”

Tink: “Me three!”

The sound of the jingling of the bell on their collars is always anticipated

  Me: “Thank you, girls. So, brother Copeland wants me to ask you a question. He wants to know what your New Year’s “Revolutions” are?

Piper: “What’s that?”

Coco: “Momma, my revolutions are around the snack cart only?”

Tink:  “You’re a dork. Momma, could you explain to me what that is?”

Me: “Well, it’s what you want to challenge yourself to do for the New Year.”

Coco: “That’s easy. I want to seize control over the world’s supply of catnip.”

Tink: “I want to learn how to fly and be a bird.”

Coco: “Omg! Was that a serious answer?”

Tink: “Hush it grumpy.”

Me: “Ok, Piper it’s your turn. Piper get still and be serious!”

Piper: “But momma, I’m just playing with the leftover bows and wrapping paper.”

Me: “You can do that in a minute. Your little brother wanted me to ask you about what you want to change for the new year. It’s called a New Year’s Resolution.”

Piper: “I want to enter an American Ninja Warrior competition.”

Me: “Piper, you’re too young.”

Piper: “Ummmm, ok. Well, how about taking more selfies?”

Me: “Let’s just say that maybe working on manners. And why do you want to take more selfies?”

Piper: “Because people think I’m cute!”

Me: “Fair enough little girl. Coco, do you have another resolution?”

Coco: “More catnip.”

Me: “Really? Like you couldn’t come up with another one?”

Coco: “I just do not want to be bothered and have my own personal supply of cookies, catnip, and lizards. You know I’m pretty much a professional at catching lizards.”

Me: “Yes. But only if you’re the only one in the room.”

Piper: “Yea, Coco. You need to share your lizards.”

Tink: “Momma, what are your New Year’s Resolutions?”

Me: “Probably, just authoring more stories about you all. I would also like to spend more time with your brothers. And I have a big surprise for this year.”

Coco, Tink and Piper: “Oh we like surprises. What is it?”

Me: “Well, it’s a surprise.”

Coco: “Momma, you can’t tell us that you have a surprise and then not tell us. It’s against the rules.”

Me: “Rules of what?”

Coco: “Well, I do live in the United States of Coco. And in the cat bible of instructions it’s specifically states, “You are not allowed to speak of surprises and not instantly tell us what it is. And that is found in 1 Coco 24:7.”

Me: “Big problem. I’m not a cat.”

Coco: “That’s right. I feel sorry for you. Because cats are the highest beings on earth.”

Me: “Have you ever seen me on 420? Because I would put that statement to the test. Ok. Does anyone have something else they need to say in this family meeting?”

Tink: “Well, momma, I would like to bite the big orange turd in the White House directly in his swollen cankles.”

Me: “I think most people in our country could agree on that. For right now though, let’s just work on becoming an even happier family.”

Piper: “But what about my brothers?”

Me:  “Baby, your brothers will always be a part of our family.”

Affirmation: There is no one else in the world I would rather be.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Merry Christmas From Piper, Coco, And Tink

“You had me at meow.”

-Unknown

Piper: “When’s our next holiday?”

Me: “Funny you should ask. It is called Christmas.”

Piper: “And what happens then?”

Me: “Well, it’s another holiday where we spend time together as a family. Except this time, we leave catnip and treats out for Kitty Claus.”

Piper: “What does Kitty Claus do?”

Me: “He brings toys and snacks to all the cats all over the world.”

Piper: “Whoa! How does he do all of that?”

Me: “Well, Kitty Claus has a sleigh that’s magically powered by catnip. And then while all the cats are sleeping, he comes to where they are and leaves out gifts. And then he goes to the next area. And we leave out snacks with some tuna juice out to make sure he doesn’t get too hungry.”

Piper: “Oh, momma. What a great idea! I just love Kitty Claus.”

Me: “But have you been good this year?”

Piper: “Momma, I have been the best. Coco hasn’t because she’s grouchy and has been smacking me ever since I had my surgery.”

Me:  “Weren’t you around a lot of other animals?”

Piper: “Yes ma’am.”

Me: “When you come home and you smell funny, sometimes it scares other cats. Plus, you were definitely “bobbing and weaving.” And the smell of other animals stays in your fur for a while. And when you come home and start swatting  things in the air that aren’t there it is kind of understandable. Don’t you think? 

Piper: “You mean to tell me that I smell like a dog too?”

Me: “Ummmm….Yes you do!”

Coco: “Hello. I do have my own voice. Let me explain something little feline. I smelled the residue of a thermometer and those horrible dogs on you. Do you want to smell like those things?”

Piper: “Oh. I never want to smell like them. They are definitely the lesser of the animal species. And by the way, I was smelling colors and playing with butterflies.”

Tink: “Yea the ones that were not visible to the rest of us. But it’s ok. We did the same thing after our surgeries. It’s ok, kiddo. Coco is the oldest and, by far, the grouchiest.”

Piper: “I love you two. Ya’ll are the best! You teach me so many things. How are my manners?”

Coco: “There is always room for improvement.”

Tink: “Coming from the one who walks across momma in the mornings always putting her internal organs are risk? And the one who breaks into the tub where the cookies stay, and helps herself to a buffet?”

Me: “Ok girls. That’s enough. Everyone makes mistakes and Piper is still learning. But Coco, that does hurt when you walk across me in the mornings.”

Coco: “When I’m starving, my vision starts to become blurry. So, I need to be able to wake you up to feed me so that it doesn’t become permanent.”

Me: “Coco, you are not losing vision from being hungry. And I do not do things based on your inability to be patient.”

Tink: “Piper, you are doing better.”

Piper: “Thank you, Big Sissy. Momma, can we put out the yummies?”

Me: “Yes we can. And then ya’ll need to go to sleep so that Kitty Claus will bring your gifts.”

Coco: “Fine. But I need more cookies.”

Me: “Ok everyone needs to use the litter box and decide where they want to sleep.”

Tink: “I’m sleeping in front of the heater.”

Coco: “Oh me too.”

Piper: “Oh, I want to sleep in front of the heater too. Momma, come help me. I want to hurry and get into bed so that Kitty Clause brings my toys and snacks. Will you hold me while I go to sleep?”

Me: “The problem with that is that you will never get still. And then you just start chewing on my fingers.”

Piper: “That’s because they’re my binky.”

Me: “Well, don’t use my fingers as your binky. Go use the litter box.”

A few moments later

Piper: “Ok, momma. Wow! It looks great!”

Me: “Ok baby. Let’s go get in the recliner and I’ll hold you for a few minutes.”

Piper: “Yippee! Night big sissies!”

Coco and Tink: “Good night Piper.”

Piper took several minutes to gently lick and then chew my fingers while also being squirmy. I put her on her bed. All of the girls began taking their final baths for the day. And I watched videos on my phone. After several minutes, I looked up to find them all sound asleep. My family finally felt complete. Things get loud and crazy with the boys and the cats. But I smiled and realized, at that very moment, what Christmas was all about. It’s not about how much catnip and treats that you own. It’s about the type of unconditional love that can only come from some humans and all animals. And despite what the world might think, Coco, Tink, and Piper, love me no matter what.

Affirmation: I am worth treats and adoration.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs

“That is what I call open, honest and direct communication.”
“Where in the world do random cows fall off cliffs?”

“Really?! They needed a sign to remind E.T. to buckle up?”

“Seriously? Why are you advertising this? Are there that many people who want to join?”

“Apparently, the Mississippi state bird has been busy.”

“What is it with alligators?! They don’t need mushrooms. They need weed to help with that aggression.

“Thanks for the warning!”

“So does this mean what if you go down the ramp in a scooter you would be safe? Gators be like, “Can’t eat them, it’s not a wheelchair.”

“Umm why can’t I breathe under the water?”

“Ha! I’ll be on the lookout for invisible cows.”

I can’t decide if the octopus wants to continue playing or needs my help. It’s looking at me. But i have no idea what it’s trying to say.”

“Aw man! There goes my fun time at the festival. Who does this?!”

“I need to put this on my front door for when the boys come to visit.”

“Ok right before I die, I’ll do that.”

“Ok well that’s the most visible, non-working sign I’ve ever seen.”

“I’m not sure why that animal attacks vehicles at random. But I do know that it needs to go out on some pants. Mr Animal I see your too-lo-li.”

“Some of the best comedy available.”

“Best caption ever!”

“Most Accurate Sign Of The Year!”

I hope you’ve enjoyed some laughs like I have. Sometimes you have to take timeout to laugh. Thanks for reading! And please share with a friend.

Affirmation: I allow myself to laugh often and without guilt.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Piper Attempts Playing Hide-And-Seek

“Time spent with cats is never squandered, it’s ‘purr’fect!”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. I’ve told you how bad my girls are at playing hide-and-seek. And Piper is no different. Apparently, she and her sisters have  been discussing how to play the game. Piper was so excited to show me what she had learned. I held my breath and prepared for the negative impact. And well….she might also have deficits in this area of her life. Read our conversation and draw your own conclusion on the future of my cats and their abilities to play a commonly played childhood game known as Hide-And-Seek. I am busy writing, and I overhear the girls talking about playing the game. So, I listen closer. Check out this interaction.

Coco: “Here let me show you what I’m talking about. Always remember, if you can’t see them, they can’t see you.”

Tink: “Yea. It’s pretty easy when you get the hang of it. I don’t know why momma got us a tutor.”

(The girls show Piper their version of the game.)

Piper: “Oh yes! I’ve got it now. But momma always tells me that I’m wrong.”

Coco: “Piper, one thing you have to understand is that we allow momma to think she’s right. But we do our own thing anyway. Except when she says, “TREAT OR COOKIE.” Then, we just act insanely happy and meow as much and as loud as you can. Those are the rules.”

Tink: “You have to train momma. She brings me my treats, or she throws them to me. And it’s really fun when she puts them all over the house for us to find. Then we show her who are the real stars of the game. It’s not about what’s true. It’s all about what is perceived.”

Piper: “Wow! Did momma teach you that?”

Tink: “No, the president did.”

Me: “Hold up girls! What are you talking about?”

Coco: “We were just teaching Piper how to play hide-and-seek.”

Me: “But ya’ll don’t even know how to hide appropriately.”

Coco: “Well, we are working with a tutor.”

Me: “True you are. But I think we need someone who will push you harder.”

Piper: “But I’m learning how to play.”

Me: “Ok. Show me what you’ve got.”

(They form a huddle and talk in private.)

Coco: “Ok. Ready. Break! Momma start counting.”

They all take off looking for the perfect hiding spot.

Me: “7…8…9…10! Ready or not, here I come!”

Everything is eerily quiet.

Coco:

 Tink:

 Piper:

Me: “I found all of you!”

Coco: “Piper, run like you stole something!”

Tink: “I concede to defeat.”

Me: “Really Tink?! Why?”

Tink: “Because I want to take a nap now.”

Piper: “I made it back to the base. Do we get a cookie now?

Coco: “Cookies? Who said, “Cookies? Meow! Meow!”

Piper: “Meow! Meow! Meow!”

Me: “Girls, that doesn’t mean that you get treats!”

Coco and Piper: “Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow!”

Me: “Girls, hush!”

Coco and Piper: “Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow!”

Me: “Ok! Ok! Just hush!”

Coco: “See, you play the game just like that, Piper. Everyone is a winner!”

Tink: “Momma, please bring me my treats!”

Me: “Fine just be quiet.”

Coco: “Winner. Winner. Chicken cookie dinner!”

As you can see, the girls have their own agenda. And please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we try to survive as a family. Thanks for reading!

Affirmation: I am the queen of the snack jar.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

A Moment With Piper

“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”

-Terry Pratchett

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about what it’s like living with Piper. She is finally coming into her own and getting bigger every day. Check this out!

Piper: “Momma help me!”

Me: “What is the problem, Piper?”

Piper: “Tink bit my butt for no reason!”

Me: “Did you do anything to her?”

Piper: “No! She just bit me for no reason!”

Tink: “Piper you cowabungaed my head!”

Piper: “No I didn’t! Fluff off!” 

Tink: “What did you say? You little feline fluff ball?”

Piper: “I promise! I did nothing wrong!”

Me: “Piper, the collected evidence shows that you, in fact, jumped on Tink’s head without provocation.”

Piper: “Momma, I’m just a little kitty!”

Me: “And you are responsible for your own kitty actions.”

Tink: “Ha! Ha! I told you, you little snack stealer!”

Piper: “Momma said that I was growing and needed more than anyone else.”

Me: “Piper, I did not! Coco, do you care to chime in?”

Coco: “Hear no evil. See no evil. Speak no evil.”

Piper: “Well, that’s what I heard you say.”

Me: “When, ma’am?”

Piper: “The other night when I was asleep.”

Me: “Piper, that must’ve been while you were dreaming.”

Piper: “Well, you still said it no matter if I was awake or asleep.”

Me: “Piper, you must share your snacks just like you want me to share everything that I eat.”

Piper: “Well, I’m just curious and want to know what you’re eating?”

Me: “By jumping on me and into my plate?”

Piper: “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

Thanks for reading! Life with my girls is full of laughs and love. They are my family. Keep moving forward and always spay and neuter you pets.

Affirmation: I deserve every snack and piece of food that I find.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

The Girls And The Lizard

The following is a situation that led to Coco growling for the first time ever. She wanted to let her inner mountain lion loose. But all she was able to do was squeak like a mouse.  Tink also tried and was only able to connect with a very light meow.  “We just don’t feel safe with them as protectors.”

They didn’t even try to save me from one tiny moth.  The best that either of them could do was look at it. No warning, no gang signs, no saying “You need Jesus!!! Nothing!!!!!”

Ok that was harsh but not really. It was my fault for zooming in on the picture and making it look like a dinosaur from Jurassic Park. 

(We don’t know that cat.)

When it was actually the size of a quarter. Or maybe a dime depending on the angle.  And we are assuming that the lizard was female because none of us saw lizard balls.  And we don’t actually know if lizards have balls. But if they do we don’t know where they are kept. Maybe at an alternate address. We took a vote and named her “Lizzie the Lezzie.” Not to be confused with the real “Lizzy the Lezzie.”

I looked up after about an hour of scurrying to find Coco and Tink with bewildered looks on their faces and pawing at the lifeless reptile.  Coco said, “Momma!!!!! We need to change the batteries out.” I had to explain to her that this was not a situation that batteries could fix.” Coco was very upset that Lizzie was dead. She was crying and saying, “Momma, I didn’t want to unalive her. I was just playing with her.”  I told her, “Baby I know. You just played with her to death.”

We later found out that males are the ones that flash that piece of pink skin. That was like puffing out their chest.  And we thought the whole time that the lizard was blowing bubbles because she was chewing watermelon bubble gum.

We are all  in therapy and trying to work things out. Coco and Tink got some tutoring sessions in aggression and have progressed to a light hiss and a paw in the air and learning how to call a bluff.  One night they alerted me to a possible intruder.  It was a 2” moth holding a shank. And a pregnant gnat with an attitude.  I told Coco, “get to it sister, this one is yours.” 

The last time I saw them Tink had moved onto other things. And Coco was still grieving and processing the trauma. She is working with a therapist that really knows her stuff. And her therapist doesn’t allow Coco to deflect the painful issues. She will, however, guide her through it with a crappy little nudge from a therapeutic assignment.

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Hide-And-Seek Troubles Again!

“Cats have nine lives-three for playing, three for straying, and three for staying.”

-English Proverb

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about the continued struggles with my cats and playing “hide-and-seek” troubles.

I had hope when Piper joined our family that the remedial work would be successful. However, my girls will probably always be deficient in this area of their lives. I will now show you some of their efforts trying to change their ways. Sadly, they are still coming up short.

Thanks for reading. And keep me and the girls in your thoughts and prayers as we are always looking for solutions to this cat-tastrophy.

Affirmation: You are beautiful. It’s a good day to be a cat.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Tink’s Love Language

“If mugs made fart noises coffee shops wouldn’t be relaxing, they’d sound like a yoga class in a retirement home.”

-Desi Lydic

Me and my cats have a nightly routine that consists of me taking my meds while Tink is at my feet watching my every move. And stares at me hoping to make me hurry along. I then Get comfortable in my recliner and cover up with my favorite blanket. Then Tink hops in my lap where we both cuddle until we’re both asleep. Except on nights when I’m scrapbooking. And then both of the girls fall asleep wherever they are. Usually, Coco is in her bed and Tink is in my recliner on my blankets. Anyway, here’s how one of our nights unfolded.

Me: “Tink wake up.”

Tink: “Mi no Habla ingles.”

Me: “Well, Rosetta Stone you better find a way to talk to me.”

Tink: “I’m sleeping.”

Me: “No you’re not you just spoke to me.”

Tink: “I talk in my sleep.”

Me: “Wake up or I will get the thermometer and check to see if you have a fever.”

Tink: “I’m up. What do you need?”

Me: “Tink, hold on omg was that you?! You are nasty!! You farted!!!! Tink,  that one is really bad. You know I can’t take bad smells. Dear God, what did you eat?! Oh, Holy Hell it’s burning my eyes too. What are your farts made of? Napalm?”

Tink: “Your big baby stop your whining it’s just your allergies. And you woke me up from my sleep and I didn’t have the energy to hold it in.”

Me: “I know. I’m allergic to cat farts. I can’t take crop dusting any better than this. Omg now I taste it! I started gagging. I had a sudden flashback to diaper days. You and your brother Copeland are the worst smelling animals on this planet! Wait until I tell him how nasty you are.”

Tink: “Fine tell him. He’s the one who taught me how to fart!”

Me: “You need to be bathed in a tub of Holy water because you have a demon in your butt. Dear God get out of my lap and off my blanket!! You probably cinged the fibers. Oh, I just threw up a little in my mouth. Find my airplane vomit bag NOW!!!!”

Tink: “Fine me and Copeland will go live with coach.”

Me: “Ummmm….I wouldn’t dare do that to her!!”

Tink: “She would, at least let me process my feelings about it.”

Sarcastically

Me: “So what are your feelings?”

Tink: “I feel that I’m a flatulent genius.”

Me: “No! Nope, nope, nope! Not even funny, Tink. Why would you want to subject coach to your farts? I thought you liked her.”

Tink: “Well you share everything with her so I thought that I would share everything too.”

Me: “Tink, I do not talk to her about farting!”

Tink: “You talk to her about being constituted.”

Me: “That’s constipated. And I told her that I almost died. It was a traumatic event.”

Tink: “Really?! There was no need to let her in on that part of your life. She likes me more than she likes you, anyway. I don’t understand why you’re being so dramatic.”

Me: “Tink I almost lost my life! I was in the middle of hostage negotiations with my poop chute, and I saw the grim reaper! The whole event scared me to death. And I will not compete for our coach with a cat! You know that she’ll call the police to come and do welfare check on me. And then I’d have to go to the ER and deal with idiots.”

Tink: “It was just a little poop ghost. The poop fan is on.”

Me: “There is nothing about that fart that is little. And no that’s our living room fan and all it does is swirl that weapon of ass destruction all over the house. And it sticks to everything. The whole house smells like I’ve been cooking with dookie tonight!”

Tink is now overcome with laughter.

Me: “A poop fan takes it out of the house. And you can tell your “ghost” that it needs a tic tac or an altoid because it has some crappy dragon breath. Plus, the police officers would arrest you for endangering the life of a vulnerable adult.”

Tink: “Well, I’ve been watching Cops, and I know when I’m supposed to start running. I refuse to be put in handcuffs!!”

Me: “They wouldn’t use handcuffs. They would bring Animal Control and use a rabies pole.”

Tink: “Outta my way momma that’s my cue to start running!”

Ever since then I have been thinking of a way to conduct a “Shock and Awe” moment. I’ve been waiting for a good fart to get her back. So, one day I waited until she was in a deep sleep. I snuck up on her like I was in some type of special forces unit. Operation: “Methane Freebie” was almost over. I got into position close to my target and I Let Her Rip!!! She got vertical at that very moment. I couldn’t help but laugh. With her eyes wide open and her tail all fluffed out she said

Tink: “What in the “Holy Crap on a Cracker” what was that?”

Hysterical Laughter

Me: “I just spoke your “love language.”

Tink: “That was not love, Momma! Had you been a man I would’ve clawed you right in the pickle.”

Me: “Yes it was your “love language.” That was me blowing you a kiss.”

Tink: “I want a divorce!”

I hope you’ve enjoyed this lighthearted post. This was not fiction. My cats and I actually have conversations like this. Thanks for reading! And keep smiling!

Affirmation: If my cat’s flatulence is excessive, I will consult with a veterinarian to rule out any underlying medical conditions.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Coco And Ms Beans

This is a story I wrote about Coco and her mean school teacher, Ms. Beans.

Ewww that mean old teacher named Ms Beans. That wasn’t her real name. That was just a nickname we called her because she would “crop dust” the whole class. We all started gagging the longer it was alive. Why?! Because she would close the door taking away what little ventilation we were getting.  But I would always tell her that I had a hairball condition when she would ask me why I was gagging. We couldn’t exactly raise our paws and say, ”Ms Fart I’ve got a question.” So me and my classmates just called her ms beans.

Actual name is Truffles the Cat

You know I heard that they found her dead in her litter box due to an explosion. May her mean ass be comforted and corrected by tha Jesus.  If not, may tha Jesus kick her out of heaven and send with her a bottle of water and suntan lotion to the red light in the ground.

#Thispuzzledlife