Families

darnold1975

What Is Narcissism? Part 2

“The Narcissist wants the authority of a king while having the accountability of a toddler.”

-Haryo Aswicahyono

My ex-husband and his brother are both very narcissistic in the way that they manage everything. They are not men. They are boys with very fragile egos that were destroyed by their father. Nothing they ever did was good enough for him. And his explosive anger was the way that he maintained control.

Their was also raised by narcissistic uncles that taught him the only way to raise kids is to beat them into submission. That is also how his grown children operate. If they don’t get what they want, they abuse their victim until submission is achieved. And my ex-husband was that way in every area of his life. Because physically they’re both just broken-down old men who use threats and intimidation. Because they would get beaten physically in a fight. 

Where was their mother? Well, she was an uneducated homemaker for many years. And where was she to go or to do? Her circumstances didn’t allow her to take three children and leave. The services were just not available then. But what it caused was continuous trauma to others. If someone doesn’t put a stop to it then the abuse continues to multiply like cancer until it becomes the norm. Then, they become accustomed to what is now their normal life and anyone who challenges that must pay in whatever way they see fit. 

I finally got enough and left. But his brother’s wife continues to take emotional abuse. I went into my next relationship and the mark of his abuse also crept in. I decided that I was where the effects of his abuse would cease to continue. And it’s been an arduous process the last twenty or so years in therapy. The way I got though life was so distorted once I was able to step back and realize all the damage that he caused. The most difficult part of living through it is that the PTSD that I sustained from his emotional, financial, sexual and religious abuse continues to affect me today. And sometimes the simplest of things are monumental. 

I’m one person who has been through this. And there are millions more people, both men, women and children who are subjected to a malignant narcissist like I was. Will everyone get help that can be so beneficial? Absolutely not. And then the cycle will continue for another generation that are busy building more narcissists. 

Oh, the kids can grow up to be successful in spite of the narcissism. Just look at our president. He oozes with narcissism, and he has a cult of followers who don’t see it either. It is all about his personal gain that is disguised as “Making America Great Again.” Those of us who have been abused by a narcissist can identify the “gas lighting” and “manipulation” a hundred miles away. Because some of the same statements and attitudes came out of my ex-husband’s mouth. 

Narcissists rarely get help because they never see fault in themselves. They are great at dishing it out. But they absolutely cannot handle it being done to them. He very much wanted to be seen as some kind of a “big boy.” However, he had the emotional maturity of a toaster. My sons are already better men at 10 and 13 years old than he is at 68 years old.

So, I ask you, “How do I support someone like that? I’ve already been through its multiple times in my life. And if you really want to find out the total damage that has been caused to me by way of the narcissists in my life, I’ll let you talk to my therapist who continues to see me struggle years later.”  Thanks for reading! Stay educated. Stay safe. And keep smiling!

Affirmation: I resolve to walk away from situations where someone lies, refusing to engage with truth benders or gas lighters.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

What Is Narcissism?

“Narcissism is a cover for a very weak self-image.”

-Dian Grier, LCSW

 Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk about narcissism. This doesn’t just occur in world leaders. This occurs within our family members and those we meet along the way. And narcissist abuse will leave a mark on all of its unsuspecting victims.

Before I go any further, I want to tell you about the specifics of Narcissistic Personality Disorder as a diagnosis. Let me see if I can describe these types of individuals, so that you will have a better understanding about what to look for. One thing to note about a narcissist is that they enjoy criticizing others for any little thing. However, if you begin to criticize anything about them, they will quickly lash out with discontent.

First, we must understand the difference between “personality” and “personality disorder.” Someone’s personality is influenced by experiences, environmental and hereditary. A healthy personality allows someone to cope with the normal stresses of life while developing and maintaining satisfying relationships. However, when long term patterns of thinking and behavioral responses are rigid, inflexible, and cause stress and impairment in functioning, the personality is considered “disordered.” To be classified as a disorder the person’s way of thinking, feeling and behaving deviates from the expectations of the culture while also causes distress or problems functioning and lasts over time. The behavior typically begins in late adolescence into early adulthood (psychiatry.org, 2024).

 The criteria for a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR) defines the disorder as “a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy.” Beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts. To meet criteria for a diagnosis there must be at least five of the nine criteria. Having a grandiose sense of self-importance, such as exaggerating achievements and talents, expecting to be recognized as superior even without commensurate achievements.

They believe that they are “entitled” to special privileges and have unrealistic expectations for  special treatment.

 Demanding excessive admiration

·         They crave excessive attention from others. And they seek validation and applause for their perceived achievements and abilities.

Sense of entitlement

Exploitation behaviors

  They take advantage of others to achieve their own goals. And they lack concern for the harm they cause doing it.

Lack of empathy

They struggle to understand the feelings and needs of others while also dismissing or minimizing their experiences.

Envy towards others or belief that others are envious of them.

They want to see others envious of them.

Inability to handle criticism.

Preoccupation with fantasies of success, power, beauty, and idealization.

Belief in being “special” and that they can only be understood by or associated with other  high-status people (or institutions).

 They struggle to accept criticism or feedback and become defensive and angry when confronted.

Fragile Self-Esteem

Despite their appearance of how they exude  confidence, they really have a very fragile sense of self-worth and are overly sensitive to criticisms.

Arrogant behaviors and attitudes(StatPearls Publishing, 2025 January).

Childhood trauma is one of the most common types of traumas that can contribute to the development of narcissism. And it can include things such as physical, emotional and sexual abuse, neglect and abandonment. When a child is subjected to things like this, the mind has to find a “work around” for dealing with the emotions. Some children deal with these seemingly “threatening” feelings and emotions by developing a sense of entitlement, a need for control, and a lack of empathy towards others.

This is exactly who my ex-husband is. Trying to form a close emotional bond with him was like trying to hug an iceberg. There was just nothing ever there. He got mad and pretended to empathize with others. The fact of the matter is that he considered him “the best” at everything. And he made a point to criticize everyone he had contact with once they left. He and his brother were at the mercy of his father’s physical and emotional abuse that was a direct result of his own narcissism. I’ve known and been around them all and I can tell you that it’s like being around the “Narcissism Entourage.”  

I will post part 2 in the next few days. Keep reading. Keep Smiling. And always remember, “Tomorrow is another day to begin again.”

Affirmation: I am embracing my journey towards healing and growth.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

From The Mouth Of Piper

“I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It’s not. Mine had me trained in two days.”

-Bill Dana

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy, go away. Today, I want to update you on the speaking of Piper. She might be little. But she is mighty. The following is a conversation that we had recently.

Piper: “Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow.”

Me: “Piper, what are you saying?”

Piper: “Mooooooomma?”

Me: “There you go. I knew you could do it.”

Piper: “Wait! What am I doing?”

Me: “You’re speaking English. What were you doing just now?”

Piper: “Oh, I was talking to tha Jesus.”

Me: “Really? About what?”

Piper: “Well, I was saying a prayer while speaking “Cat.” Do you think he understood me?”

Me: “Well, I would guess so since he created you.”

Piper: “He created me?”

Me: “Why yes. Jesus is behind all things good.”

Piper: “But momma those other people unalived my littermates.”

Me: “Ah yes. Baby, he’ll take care of those people. One day I’ll tell you about the red light in the ground. But he made sure you and your brother made it.

Piper: “Why? The red light in the ground? What is that?””

Me: “Well, I don’t know. Maybe it was because he knew that me and your sisters needed you in our family. And the red light in the ground is where bad people go. They always need water. It’s hot. And they will be sad forever.”

Piper: “Whoa. Do you mean Jesus can do that? Well, I don’t want them to die. I just want them to be covered in fleas without flea medicine.”

Me: “Oh yes. Jesus can do anything.”

Piper: “So, how do I thank the Jesus for doing that?”

Me: ”Well, you just pray and tell Jesus.”

Piper: “Do you mean like I was doing?”

Me: “Of course. Go ahead and speak English. He’ll understand.”

Piper: “So, does Jesus have Google translate or Rosetta Stone?”

Me: “Well, Jesus doesn’t need that. But if he did, he would use it. Go ahead and talk to him.”

Piper: “Dear Jesus, thank you for my momma that took us out of that hot sun and to the vet. Thank you for letting them help me. However, I didn’t like the thermometer. I could really do without that. And thank you for my new mommy. She does say words I don’t understand. But I think it’s because of my needles attached to my baby paws. So, please don’t be mad at her. She loves me so much! And dear Jesus, as your humble servant, I ask that you please take that evil hiss out of my sisters’ throats. Amen.”

Me: “Incredibly good, Piper. 

Piper: “How do I know if he heard me?

Me: “When you said, “amen” it was like you put a stamp on the letter. It was delivered straight to heaven. Just give your sisters time. Jesus will work on them.”

Piper: “Thank you, momma. Can I have another cookie?”

Me: “You’re welcome, baby. Ummmm. You’ve already had sixty-two treats.”

Piper: “Then can I have 63?”

Me: “Fine. But only one more.”

Thanks for reading. Make sure and subscribe to this blog. So, that you never miss another post and updates on the lives of me and Coco, Tinkerbell, and Piper. Keep reading. And keep smiling.

Affirmation: The world can be cruel. So, I won’t be.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

And Then There Was Piper

“Kittens are angels with whiskers.”

-Alexis Flora Hope

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy, go away. Today is a special day because I brought this beautiful little girl into our family. She is the epitome of being a survivor.

I had been wanting a new kitten for over a year. And I always thought that the name Onyx would be a great name for a black cat. I looked locally and the black kittens were either feral, no veterinary care or too expensive. But then I saw the story about this litter. And I just could not seem to put it out of my mind.

The story goes like this…Someone left a litter of kittens in a concrete parking lot in a metal cage. And there were two little ones that were hanging on for dear life. I know. I want to find those people and set them on fire too. People are just a special kind of evil for doing things like that. A lady saw them as she pulled up to the store and rescued them. And went to get veterinary care. She and her family also hand fed and spent countless hours and emotions making sure those two babies made it. A month later, I my heart told me, “That little girl is the one.”

Me and the owners talked, and I realized what this special little kitten would be for me. I met up with one of the owners at a neutral place. I got the kitten’s tiny little body out of her crate while she meowed. And I melted and then lost my breath all at once. That little girl melted my heart once I saw her. I lost my breath not from her beauty but from her tiny little “murder mittens” that reached out for safety and grabbed my boob. I felt like I had just been stabbed and was clinging to life. I’m pretty sure I dissociated too. I really hope the fear in my face and the gasp from my throat wasn’t noticed.

To keep from trying to make her a black cat when she is not, I have changed her name to Piper. And from what I can tell, the name suits her simply fine. We need each other. Her sisters Tink and Coco are not grateful for her arrival currently. I am guessing that it is because neither of them wanted to share lap space or cookies. I talked to them like toddlers saying, “We do not hiss and try to bite our friends. She is a kitten. Not a crocodile. And she is your sister.” They did not seem to care about the rationale. And they continue to hiss and sulk.

I am now at my “cat limit.” Me and my girls know how to do two things, “We know how to adapt to change and love.” We do not always do it with a smile on our faces and with love in our hearts. But little Piper is just what the three of us needed to complete our family unit. 

Big brothers, Marshall and Copeland, will give her “a run for her money.” But they will no doubt love her too. She already speaks English and is sassy and mouthy just like her sisters. Stay tuned for more interactions with my three amigos. Welcome Home, Piper! 

Thanks for reading! And Please Spay and Neuter Your Pets!

Affirmation: I am getting to know my new family.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

What Are The Streets Saying? “Benzo Dope”

“Drugs take you to hell disguised as heaven.”

-Donald Lyn Frost

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about a drug that is more dangerous than fentanyl. It’s called “Benzo Dope.” In my time working in the addiction field, one of the most dangerous combinations of drugs that I saw was benzodiazepines and opiates.

Benzodiazepines (Benzo) are a class of depressant drugs that are commonly used in anti-anxiety medications such as: Xanax, Valium, Ativan and Klonopin . There are many others but these mentioned are the most common. They are used in conjunction with many other drugs like heroin, cocaine and fentanyl to intensify the sedating effects. These drugs both decrease respirations and when combined can cause coma or death (dea.gov, 2025). Common street names associated with these drugs are: bars, footballs, french fries, ladders, tranks, planks, xannies, benzo blues, nerve pills, candy, k, k-pin, super valium (addictioncenter.com, 2025).

During my extensive time of being on psychiatry meds, I was prescribed “benzos” to help treat paralyzing anxiety. The trend that I’ve personally seen is that some doctors have significantly decreased prescribing these meds because of their high potential for abuse. The withdrawal symptoms, regardless if you abuse them or not, come with some pretty nasty symptoms. Even when being tapered down withdrawal effects are still present. Yep, I have abused those drugs a time or two with and without opiates.

“Benzo Dope” combines these two types of drugs raising the overdose rate in epic proportions. The “benzo” part of the concoction throws up some amnestic barriers where the user has no idea what has transpired. And oftentimes they don’t even know that benzos have been added to their dope. This leaves individuals susceptible to being robbed, raped and other traumas with no memory of the event. Now, however, “benzo dope” has become a staple in which addicts ask for it by name. The life saving drug, “Narcan,” helps to reverse the overdose effects of opiates but plays no part in the reversing the life cycle of benzodiazepines.

Several years ago, I worked at a methadone clinic in Albuquerque, NM. Methadone is another very dangerous drug that should be taken off the market. There were numerous overdoses because while using that strong opiate they combined benzos which resulted in death. As always, take what you need and leave the rest. No matter what drug is being used addiction is a death sentence.

“It is more difficult and dangerous to widraw people from benzodiazepines than from heroin.”

-Unknown

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

National PTSD Awareness Day

“Always remember, if you have been diagnosed with PTSD, it is not a sign of weakness; rather, if is proof of your strength, because you have survived!”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to take time out from celebrating Pride, to give light to National PTSD Awareness Day. This one hit hard as I’ve lived with PTSD longer than I’ve lived without it. And there are so many of us who don’t make it to the other end of the tunnel. It’s an incredibly dark place to wake up to and go to sleep with every night.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) dates back to ancient civilizations and military conflicts. Terms used early on included “combat-related stress,” “shellshock,” “combat fatigue,” and “railway spine.” In the 1800s and early 1900s, the “talking cure: was popularized by Sigmund Freud and introduced in medical literature. And the treatment went from psychoanalysis to electric shock treatment. By the 1950s, the treatments had become more humane. However, now people would not admit to any traumatic symptoms due to the stigma. So, group therapy and psychotropic medications were introduced (blackbearrehab.com, 2025).

In the 1970s Vietnam veterans began experiencing a lot of psychological problems that persisted even after returning home. And survivors of domestic abuse were also included. In the 1980s, PTSD was officially recognized as a mental health problem. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders adopted the diagnosis where it has remained (blackbearrehab.com, 2025).

PTSD is a developed from a traumatic event. C- PTSD when a traumatic event continues for months and years or multiple events occur. The intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, insomnia, avoidance, memory problems, detachment from friends and family, feeling emotionally numb, hyper startle, irritability, trouble concentrating, impulsive behavior, paranoia, severe anxiety, nightmares, suicidal ideations and actions and uncontrollable thoughts about the event. And over time, these symptoms completely devour who you once were (MayoClinic.org, 2025).

I know that PTSD is typically related to soldiers. I am here to tell you that I never went into the military. But the PTSD that I deal with, as a result of domestic violence, grabbed hold of me and has never let go. It has completely stripped me of everything that I used to enjoy. I don’t care about relationships. I question people about their intentions, even if they’re pure and good. I’m constantly waiting for the next shoe to drop. I don’t have typical reactions to being scared. I could see a moth out, of the corner of my peripheral vision, and then jump and scream like Jeffery Dahmer was staring at me and about to take the first bite. I face the stigmas of both friends and family mainly due to a lack of understanding. However, the reasearch information is everywhere. Sometimes others just need to their own leg work. I have come to realize that instead of trying to find out how PTSD affects someone that you love, it’s “the easy way out” to just to be dismissive, embarrassed and judgmental instead. The attitude is “just change X behavior.” Without having a solution, the resounding message of “just make it go away” further ostracizes the person that you say you care about. And so the anticipated glimmer of hope dissipates further isolating the individual. And sadly, can lead to suicide.

PTSD is not about you, it’s about them. It’s just a diagnosis until it’s “you” that experiences it every day. It has taken me down to the point of putting a gun in my mouth. And because living in the abuse was so severe, I actually pulled the trigger after pointing the gun at my torso. It missed my heart by only a few centimeters. Nothing was messed up to the point of needing surgery. But self-harm is something that I’ve dealt with since I was a 13-year-old child. And I had no idea how to deal with all the overwhelming emotions of abuse. In that cold, dark closet where I began to self-harm, and as maladaptive as the behavior is, it worked. It was the only thing that worked to bring me back to complete balance. But the problem is that it became a true addiction issue that I continue to struggle with. And before you ask, yes I’ve done a lot of therapy. It’s not that the therapy doesn’t. It’s that the addiction is that strong. 

PTSD is a true injury on the brain. The brain’s job is to help you survive in any way possible. So, we reach for anything to help calm the barrage of intrusive thoughts, memories, smells and sounds. And once it’s been damaged through a traumatic event, it creates a “work around” solution. What typically works? Self-harm and substance abuse creates almost instant comfort. You don’t have to wait for 6-8 weeks to reach your therapeutic dose efficacy to begin working. It’s an immediate fix that some of have to use just to stay alive.

Cannabis was recommended when all other “Big Pharma” medications failed. And it has saved my life on a daily basis ever since. Cannabis seems to put a cloud over my brain saying, “Settle just for a moment.” And for that moment, I can take a break from the constant paranoia and overstimulation of a brain that wanted to do nothing more than survive. And that, is my battlefield. It wasn’t in Iraq, Afghanistan or Vietnam. My battlefield is everywhere I go. I fear people and social situations in a way that most cannot understand. 

It literally takes me about a week in advance to start prepping to leave my house just to go to pick up medications,that I,unfortunately have to take. But I don’t take anymore psych meds. I was extremely sick, coming off all the meds that I had been begging for over two years to be tapered off. And I got tired of waiting, so I did it myself. I don’t advise this way because it was a really miserable process. However, I was at a point of desperation. And now about 6 months later, I feel like a new human being after the toxic feeling of all the medications. All of my true feelings and emotions have awakened, and I really like feeling somewhat comfortable at times.

My personal opinion is that anyone returning home from the active duty should be handed an ounce of weed the minute they step off the plane to do with as they wish. And it would be perfectly ok if they gave it away. That’s like paying it forward in “Weed-O-Nomics.” As it stands, soldiers come home from a war that never ends. And they are committing suicide at a rate of 22 soldiers a day. And that is less than unacceptable.

As the topic of cannabis continues to circulate among social circles and national politics, I hope that veterans from our military will step out against the shame that is felt from social stigmas. And reach for the plant that can “help take the gun out of your mouth.” Cannabis doesn’t cure PTSD because it wasn’t the one who caused it. But it does make things much more tolerable.

Thanks for reading! Happy Pride everyone!

Affirmation: I am resilient and capable of healing.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

We Love Our Allies

“An ally is someone who stands up even when they feel they can’t.”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. As Pride month begins to wrap up, I want to talk to you about a group of people that many of us LGBTQ+ people draw strength from. It’s our allies! This group of people are usually straight. But they stand up for different issues within the gay community that continually marginalize us. They are voices that stand up and say, “I’m straight. But your discrimination and hate is wrong.”

Our allies who are sometimes known as “fruit flies,” bring strength to our battles with equality. And they also love us for who we are versus many of our families who love us for “who they want us to be.” I will be the first to say that there are zero gay affirming people in my family. No matter who agrees or doesn’t agree, the gay person is here to stay. And I gladly wear the title of the “rainbow sheep” in the family.

There are those still who say, “We love you for who you are.” But they stand against equality and continue with their homophobic or transphobic comments. That, my friends, is not an ally. You just know someone who is gay. You cannot say that you’re ok with me being a lesbian and then speak out about how my transgender friends are wrong or abnormal. That’s hypocritical. You don’t have to be gay or trans to be active and say, “Equality should be for all and not just one gender or sexual orientation.”

Our transgender brothers and sisters need our support in the fight for their rights to be who and what they want to be. To be able to fight for our country on the frontlines for freedom. And to be able to use any damn toilet that matches the gender in which they identify. They do not want to harm you or your children. Individuals who have or are transitioning do not want to rip your genitalia off or steal whatever small amount of virginity you may have left. They simply want to empty their bladder and bowels.

 I had a friend that I had a close relationship with one time. But when I came out to her, our friendship ended. That is what I call a conditional friend. As long as I was who they wanted me to be everything was ok. But when I told them who I really was, that was not acceptable. It is truly their problem and not mine. That is not an ally. That is an asshole. I know they both start with the letter “A,” and it can be confusing to some.

People have a misconception that anyone under the LGBTQ+ umbrella has an insatiable sexual appetite. And that we are lurking around to force straight people into gay submission. If I know that someone is straight, I will not cross the line by trying to seduce them. It’s call mutual respect. I know that there are creepy people that do that and are ok with that. I would simply call “bullshit” and tell them that it’s very disrespectful. But I know even more straight people who want to pound the gay out of us. It would be like someone forcing me to be straight. And I barf in my mouth just a little at the thought of ever having to pretend that I’m straight again. If someone who is gay comes on to you, simply tell them that you’re straight. Most of the time that is respected. And sometimes is just a faulty “GAYDAR.”

As a lesbian, the misconception that we want to run in and turn straight women gay is an absolutely ridiculous argument. And this is where our allies come into play. They not only love us for our authenticity, but they are also on the front lines of the pride banner to speak up against hate even when we are not around. Allies are another source of strength that can only be found within them. And for this, I am eternally grateful. Beautiful friendships and family relationships can be mended by being an ally.

In my family there are those who when discussing someone who is gay, they spell it. Like “Yea, I collaborate with this guy, and he is G-A-Y!” Let me help put your minds at ease, “You cannot catch the gay from saying someone is gay.”  So, making the statement, “I love you because you’re my child or my family member.” Then to counter with, “Hate the sin, love the sinner” asserts that you hold yourself to a higher level because you know God better than he knows himself. When God actually spoke about loving everyone. And that no one deserves his love any more than the other. Jesus preached about equality and inclusion, not discrimination and hate. And from what I’ve seen in my life, there’s a lot of “cherry picking” of the Bible to satisfy an argument. God’s people are taught to spread his love. But some of them are the very ones who close the church doors when the gay people arrive. And if you are let in there is no shortage of stares and whispers.

If there was ever a group of people who I give the utmost respect, it would be our allies. I have always been one to stand up for the underdog in most situations. And I can promise you that it doesn’t always make me popular in a good way. So, for a “straight ally” to stand up for me and others, you will always be considered members of my Pride family.

A lot of us LGBTQ+ individuals create families among others, because our families are simply too rich in bigotry and self-righteousness to be considered a “safe place” that nurtures love and growth in a relationship. And I live in a “hotspot” of the country that has a lot of judgement and ignorance. They have simply become a wounding vessel and a very rigid group of people that do not deserve the time nor the energy to continue relationships with them. So, we form close ties and bonds with our allies instead.

I have used this phrase many times and it stems from my own family when I say, “If nothing changes, then nothing changes.”  I have to hold my head high, turn around and walk away like a boss. And I walk right over to my ally’s house where love and acceptance isn’t only spoken, it’s shown. You can love me and stand up for our rights as we do. But you cannot say that you love me and think that neither I nor my friends are entitled to the same rights you have. I absolutely will NOT be a part of that in any way.

Thank you so many allies for everything that you do that we never know about. And thank you for showing us what the love of Christ is all about. Homophobes, transphobes, and the self-righteous thank you for showing me who I never want to be. As always, take what you can use and leave the rest. Keep smiling. Happy Pride Everyone!

Affirmation: I will not shrink myself for the comfort of others.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

It’s Mental Health Awareness Month

“What mental health needs is more sunlight, more candor, and more unashamed conversation.”

-Glenn Close

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Okie dokie! Today is the first day of the month of May, which is also Mental Health Awareness Month. And unfortunately, the topic of mental health is often skirted or disregarded as something that isn’t acknowledged because of the “shame factor.” However, it is not a topic to be ashamed about. Mental health is such an integral part of being human and is something that must be discussed.

What are the issues surrounding the topic of mental health? Well, part of the problem involves societal stigmas, fear of judgment, and a lack of understanding. And the stigma usually surrounds negative stereotypes, incorrect information and cultural beliefs or a sign of personal failure. Give me a second to go a little more in depth about these issues.

1. Lack of Understanding-most people have little knowledge about mental health conditions which can lead to misconceptions and fear. And this includes immediate family, friends, co-workers, medical personnel and acquaintances. I have tried in my own ways to educate people about mental illness, as my daily living has revolved around the mental health system for the majority of my life. But no matter how much you try to explain things to people, they just can’t seem to let go of old ideas and opinions.

2. Negative stereotypes-Thanks to social media, mental illness is portrait in the media that mental illness is considered a sign of weakness, dangerous or violent. This further solidifies negative attitudes. While some of this is true regarding violent individuals, the majority of us are not dangerous people. And religious affiliation can also be another source of negative stereotypes. You wouldn’t believe some of the nasty and fearful looks that I get from simply wearing a baseball cap about PTSD. Sometimes I get asked, “What branch of the military were you in?” I simply tell them, “I didn’t serve our country. I developed PTSD because I’ve been abused for a large majority of my life. So, technically, I’ve been fighting a war my entire life.” They usually silently turn around and back away. Some have asked, “Why do you tell people?” And my answer is always, “Because I’m not ashamed of having a mental illness. It is what it is. And I’m not responsible for other’s ignorance. I simply state the true facts and give the shame back to where it belongs. 

3. Fear of judgment-many people fear judgment for their mental illness. One thing you have to understand is that people are usually their own worst critic. So, your judgment will never be as potent and the person with the mental illness. In my case, telling someone that I have Multiple Personality Disorder makes people retract, mainly because their only source of reference is through Hollywood. And we all know that Hollywood never really tells a story accurately. It induces the “fear factor” in most people. And when I speak this truth, most people are also taken aback because I’m so forth coming with my own  struggles. You might notice my quirkiness at times. However, you would never know when my other parts switch out unless you are around me and I explain who they are and their function. I don’t fear judgment from people. I embrace their ignorance and do my best to “stomp out stupidity.”

4. Fear of discrimination-people fear losing jobs, housing or other opportunities due to their condition. Look, I have lived under a cloud of discrimination since the day I was born. I’m gay. I have a mental illness. And I love to smoke weed. But I’m also very educated. And somehow when you are “out and proud” that automatically puts a label on you. And well, that’s their problem not mine. Even within my own family, I face discrimination. And when I speak about mental health topics, I’m revered as not being nearly as intelligent as others. Even though I have a master’s degree in counseling psychology which qualifies me to be able to diagnose. Make no mistake, I might’ve done a lot of stupid things in my life, but I am in no way dumb. And I face discrimination head on. 

I completely understand that everyone isn’t at the same level of progress with these issues. And it has taken years of therapy to bring me to the point where I am. Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of. And most people have mental illness in varying degrees. However, a lot of it has never been diagnosed. Individuals hide and suffer in silence because of the shame that they carry regarding this topic. And you absolutely shouldn’t be. Mental health is just as important and maybe more so than physical health. Because poor mental health can also cause physical discomfort.

Embrace what is and be responsible enough to get in therapy. You will be glad you did. Cannabis has increased my quality of life much better than pharmaceuticals. And this is another topic that is shame based. There are those still who are “closeted” cannabis users who also reap the benefits of the plant. And as someone who lived in a closet for many years, I can tell you that no one is meant to be smothered and silenced. Everyone deals with mental illness and fears the repercussion of others differently and at their own pace. I can’t speak for anyone else, but with me, you will always be accepted. 

Educate yourself about your own mental illness not based on movies, other people’s subjective opinions, but on the scientific research and real truth. Face your fears and get involved in therapy and do the challenging work that will benefit you overall. And let the opinions of others roll off your back like water on a duck. Their opinions are just that. They are not facts. It is purely unadulterated ignorance. But that can change if they are willing to do so.

If you are an ally on the topic of mental illness but still have questions, we won’t cook you or eat you. Respectfully ask for some clarification. It is a horrible feeling to suffer in silence over half truths and out right lies regarding mental illness. And sadly, I have had friends who refused to go to therapy for those reasons. And they are now dead from suicide. But everyone is entitled to love, care and compassion. And, yes, that also includes you. Thanks for reading! Stay healthy. Stay happy. Keep smiling. And keep reading this blog.

Affirmation: I trust myself  to make decisions that align with my values and goals.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife