chronic pain

darnold1975

Budtender Moment: Apple Banana Bread Strain Review

“If weed puns are a sin, then I’ll see you inhale.”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about the strain known as Apple Banana Bread. And this time of the year a freshly baked bread sounds pretty good.

Apple Banana Bread is an indica-dominant strain. The genetics include Platinum Cookies x Grandaddy Purple x Blue Power x Gelatti. And this might be one of my new favorite strains. Let’s look at the diverse genetic line a little closer. Platinum Cookies is a cross between OG Kush x Durban Poison. Grandaddy Purple is a cross between Mendo Purps x Skunk x Afghanistan. Blue Power is a 4-way cross between Sour Double x Master Kush x The White x Blue Moonshine. Gelatti is a cross between Gelato x OG Biscotti. What a truly beautiful genetic line. No wonder I love this strain.

On inhale the first taste is something very sweet and somewhat floral. The dominant terpenes in this strain are Pinene, Caryophyllene and Myrcene. The medical benefits include relief from stress, anxiety, pain, mood, appetite, and sleep. This strain has some truly hard-core munchies that hit with gusto. It’s not so strong that it will give you “couch lock.” It feels a lot like blue dream with more indica. 

I highly suggest this strain as an everyday use. It can be used on a lunch break if used in moderation. And for nighttime use, it works good enough to send you gently into dreamland. The only thing that would be better would be a concentrate in this strain. And I am headed out to look for it. Thanks for reading! Keep blazin.’

Affirmation: I make health choices when it comes to weed.

***Don’t forget to watch the video***

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darnold1975

Top Cannabis Strains Of 2025

“When in doubt, smoke it out.”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to give you a list of the stop cannabis strains of 2025. I know. I have smoked acres of weed this year. And I always enjoy seeing the top weed strains of the year. 

It’s that time of year where we find out top strains from across the country. I manage my healthcare by researching strains that work best on my symptoms. And then, I look to see if any of the strains are found locally. See if you recognize any of these strains.

1.        Blue Dream: a hybrid that gives you that nice balanced high. This strain works very well for PTSD.

2.        Gelato 41: A balanced hybrid known for sweet flavoring.

3.        Cocolato: A daytime use with chocolate and coconut flavoring.

4.        Sour Diesel: This is a classic sativa-dominant hybrid strain used to help with anxiety and fatigue.

5.        Lemon Cherry Gelato: An uplifting hybrid popular for citrus and berry flavors.

6.        White Runtz: A good strain to help with both relaxation and mental clarity.

7.        Pink Certz: Uplifting hybrid that I tried recently that is very impressive with its balanced effects.

8.        Godfather OG: A potent indica-dominant strain that has the potential to grant you a “couch lock” session.

9.        Ice Cream Cake: I love this strain! It works well on pain, stress, anxiety, and insomnia. And it will make sure you drift off into a nice little cannabis coma.

10.   OG Kush: Another classic blend of indica-dominance. This is just a good all-around strain.

11.   Permanent Marker: I tried this indica-dominant strain this year. It definitely has the potency and stink that aims to please.

12.   South Diesel: Classic sativa-dominant hybrid that is sure to give you some “get-up-and-go” effects while putting a the sour and stink flavors in one luscious bud.

13.   Biscotti: This is an indica-dominant hybrid  that is known as a “dessert strain” flavoring.

14.   Super Boof: This is a stain that is sativa-dominant that didn’t push my anxiety into a panic attack. But use sparingly if you’re really sensitive to sativa strains. Just a “WOW” strain in my opinion.

15.   Cereal Milk: This strain is known for its sweet and creamy taste profile. It’s said to be sativa leaning. However, it feels like a balanced hybrid. A must try for anyone!

16.   Blueberry: A classic indica dominant strain that is known as a suppressor for many conditions and rich berry flavoring. This strain is often crossbred to many different strains. And a big genetic factor for strains that work is known to work well on PTSD.

I can say with certainty that these are not the only strains that have been spotlighted for 2025. But it is a list that maybe you have tried and can attest to the power of their medicine. Thanks for reading! Keep blazin.”

Affirmation: Love flows to me, through me, and around me.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

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Budtender Moment: Blueberry Muffins Strain Review

“I’m just a little “high” maintenance.”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to tell you about a strain that reminds me of cold mornings when I was a kid. The strain is called Blueberry Muffins.

Blueberry Muffins is an 80/20 indica-dominant hybrid that many stoners love. It is a cross between Purple Panty Dropper x Blueberry. Purple Panty Dropper is a cross between Purple Haze x Oregon Grape x Matanuskan Mist. Blueberry is a cross between Purple Thai x Afghan. This strain is just loaded with great genetics. And it’s one that I really enjoy.

The major terpenes in this strain are Myrcene, Caryophyllene, Limonene, Humulene, and Bisabolol. Patients report relief from conditions such as chronic pain, anxiety, stress, nausea, headaches, and migraines. This strain is just an all-around good strain. It’s good for both day and nighttime. It’s still a very indica strain that is what I need with overstimulation. If you are used to smoking heavy indicas, this one is not that potent. Beware of the dreaded “couch lock” if not used in moderation though. But it is still strong enough to use at night. This is a very popular strain in the area in which I live. And I would highly recommend this strain for potency and that wonderful berry flavoring. Thanks for reading! Keep blazin’.

Affirmation: I am a natural stoner

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

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darnold1975

Budtender Moment: Cereal Milk Strain Review

“Wanna smoke? Alpaca bowl.”

-Unknown

 Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negativity energy, go away. Today, I want to talk about a strain called “Cereal Milk.” I don’t know about you, but I love to turn up the milk in my bowl and drink the leftover cereal milk. Let’s talk for a minute.

Cereal Milk is a balanced hybrid for a well-rounded sesh. And the taste from  beginning to end is one of sweet creaminess. And it’s not a really dank smelling strain. And the genetics are Snowman x Y-Life. On closer look Snowman is another phenotype of Girl Scout Cookies. . Y-Life is a cross of Gelato x OG Kush. These genetics are off the hinge! GSC and OG Kush is all that needs to be said. The initial high is very cerebral with a nice balancing body high.

Medical patients report relief from symptoms like chronic stress, nausea or appetite loss, chronic fatigue, depression, migraines, and chronic pain. Major terpenes are trans-Caryophyllene, Linalool, a-Humulene. In my opinion this strain could be for anyone novice or seasoned. And it would be one good right before work or at lunch. This one has helped me stay more focused and adjust my attitude for the better. Thanks for reading. Keep blazin.’

Affirmation: Cannabis is a tool that enhances focus and awareness.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

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darnold1975

Budtender Moment: Zoo Dog Infused Preroll Strain Review

“I got 99 problems and 420 solutions.”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to tell you about the “hash hole” or “doughnut” that I will use to celebrate National Hash Hole Day. The strain that I’m going to tell you about is called Zoo Dog.

Zoo Dog is a 70/30 indica-dominant hybrid. It is a cross between Gorilla Glue #4 x Chemdawg. Gorilla Glue #4 is a three way cross between Chem’s Sister x Sour Dubb x Chocolate Diesel. Chemdawg is an indica-dominant hybrid whose exact lineage is unknown. The genetics in this strain are amazing. GG #4 x Chemdawg were some of the first specific strains that tried when I initially got on medical cannabis. These strains are fire on their own. But with the combination of these strains and then a nice strip of concentrate is absolutely a bonfire.

The top terpenes in this strain are Limonene, Humulene, Isopulegol, and B-Caryophyllene. Patients report relief from conditions such as chronic pain, depression, headaches, migraines, anxiety, sleep, and stress. What I can personally tell you about my experience is that you better take your Cheetos to the couch with you. This infused preroll that is sitting at 43.04% will have you growing into the fabric of the couch or recliner within a few tokes. Thanks for reading! Keep blazin.’

Affirmation: My body is filled with healing energy whenever I inhale cannabis.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

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Budtender Moment: Black Velvet Strain Review

“I don’t smoke weed to escape reality. I smoke it to make reality funnier.”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negativity energy, go away. This little genetically mysterious strain  that will help with the stress of the “Black Friday” hoopla.

Black Velvet is a 50/50 hybrid with rumors of the genetics being a cross between The Black X Burmese Kush. The Black is a 90% indica-dominant hybrid that is derived from Afghan, Vietnamese, and Mexican landraces. But the exact genetics I have yet to find. Burmese Kush is a cross between Burmese x SFV OG Kush (San Fernando Valley).

The major terpene found is Pinene. And this is usually the terpene that handles the added dose of anxiety. However, the dark strains are typically indica-dominant. This will help tremendously with that tiring day of shopping. Patients have reported relief from anxiety, some chronic pain, glaucoma, bipolar disorder with associated mood swings,  and eating disorders. Keep blazin.’ And stay safe.

Affirmation: I am choosing a strain and dosage that supports my intentions and enhances my experience.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

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darnold1975

Budtender Moment: Green Crack Strain Review

“The best way I could describe the effect of the marijuana and hashish is that it would make me relaxed and creative.”

-Steve Jobs

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. I’m going to tell you about a strain that will be the perfect “get up and go”  that you need to help make it through this Thanksgiving Holiday and beyond.

Green Crack was the name that Snoop Dogg gave to the strain Green Cush. It is a sativa hybrid that will give you a shot of energy and a calmness for dealing with all of the crowds surrounding Thanksgiving. I will warn you about this strain being known to cause an increase in anxiety. For those that enjoy sativas, I will not fight you for this one. But for people like us who have panic attacks, this is an arch nemesis.

This strain’s genetics are a cross between Skunk #1 x and an unknown indica. It’s a 65/35 sativa dominant. And trust me, it’s very sativa. The top terpenes in this strain are myrcene, caryophyllene, and pinene. Pinene is the big anxiety terpene. The other two are used with pain which is usually seen in indica-dominant strains. Don’t get too brave with this one if you have anxiety.

The taste is one that is a mixture of fruity, pine and sweet. And if I’m honest, I would tell you that the taste is actually pretty good compared to heavy indicas that taste hazy. Medical benefits include depression, ADHD, migraines, fatigue, bipolar, chronic pain, appetite, and stress.

The opinion about the effects of this strain are mine only. However, it might work differently for you. The beauty of cannabis is that there is no “one size fits all.” What works for me might not work for you and vice versa. Thanks for reading! Keep blazin’!

Affirmation: I love that I love weed as much as I love weed.

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Budtender Moment: Ghost Vapor OG Strain Review

“It’s hard to be mean when you’re stoned.”

-Bill Lee, Naked Lunch

 Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to share a strain that keeps with the image of Halloween. It’s a paranormal strain known as Ghost Vapor OG. This little beauty is one to help keep you beautifully high.

Ghost Vapor OG is an indica-dominant hybrid cross between Purple Punch x Ghost OG. And if we want to dive into the “grandparent” strains, Purple Punch is a cross of Grandaddy Purple x Larry OG. And Ghost OG is a cross of Afghani Indica x OG Kush. It’s said to be similar to the strain Brue Banner. Top terpenes are a-Bisabolol, B-Myrcene, and a-Pinene. There is supposed to be a heavy pine taste. However, I’m using a  concentrated vape cart. The taste has zero pine taste. It has a sweet taste instead. 

On a 5 scale this product is a solid 4. It’s one that needs to be used with caution with novice users. The medical effects include treating anxiety, stress and also helps with depression. I also used it for chronic pain. And it’s said to also be good for the pain of arthritis, headaches and back pain. And I totally agree. Thanks for reading! Keep smiling. And keep blazin’!

Affirmation: I am worthy of being hydrated, high, and happy.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

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darnold1975

Budtender Moment: Soul Assassin Strain Review

“I don’t smoke marijuana, but I eat it.”

-Bob Dylan

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to tell you about a strain called Soul Assassin. As domestic violence awareness month winds down and seeing the damage that abuse can do to someone, I thought that the cannabis strain for today was absolutely perfect. Because of being trapped mentally or physically from seeking freedom, often times for years, it feels like the perpetrator has literally assassinated your soul. 

Soul Assassin is a heavy indica-dominant hybrid. Domestic violence is something heavy that is like a wrecking ball in the victim’s life. But this strain is heavy in regard to healing. It’s just what the doctor order for the overstimulation of PTSD. The genetics of this strain is a cross between OG Kush x Sour Diesel. Most like myself, who have been in the cannabis community for many years, know that these are a couple strains that many would consider staples. OG Kush is a cross between Hindu Kush x Lemon Thai x Chemdawg. Sour Diesel is a cross between  Northern Lights x Chemdawg.

The medical benefits associated with this strain include relief from insomnia, anxiety, mood disorders, stress, chronic pain, depression, and inflammation. The top terpenes are B-myrcene, terpinolene, B-Pinene. I got a lot of relief with this strain. I would also encourage you to plan on not going anywhere. As “couchlock” can be a reality. Thanks for reading! Keep blazin.’

Affirmation: I smoke my weed and mind my business.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

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Budtender Moment: Purp Fiction Strain Review

“You’re ganja have an enjoyable time.”

-Unknown

 Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negativity energy, go away. Today, I want to review the strain known as “Purp Fiction.” This purple strain stays in-line with the purple awareness color.

Purp Fiction is an equal hybrid cross between Melonade X Kong’s Kush. Melonade is a cross between Watermelon Zkittlez x Lemon Tree. Kong’s Kush is a cross between Banana Punch x Wonder Pie. On inhale this strain tastes like wine with a berry and nutty combination.

The major terpenes are B-Caryophyllene, b-Myrcene, Limonene, Humulene and Linalool. And the medical benefits provide relief from stress, anxiety, headaches, insomnia, and pain. I would save this one for when you don’t need to worry about the next couple of hours. This is a strain that helps me out just enough to manage some of my chronic pain for a nice nighttime rest. Keep blazin’ and stay safe.

Affirmation: My cannabis use supports my well-being and helps me connect with my inner peace.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

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Budtender Moment: Pink Peanut Strain Review

“Whatever I do, I do it better stoned.”

-Unknown

 Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Okie dokie! Today, I’m going to review strains that go along with Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Locally a strain called Pink Peanut.

This strain has a long linage of Runtz. We know that it’s probably going to have a sweet candy taste initially. But then that little speck of gas trails behind come in and give it a sour ending. The genetics are Pink Runtz x Peanut Butter Runtz. Just those names says sweet sativa. Pink Runtz has origins of Gelato x Zkittlez or Pink Panties and Rainbow Sherbert. Peanut Butter Runtz aka Butter Runtz has origins as an indica-dominant hybrid by crossing Runtz x Peanut Butter Breath. 

I know that is a long of linage information for the strain. I wanted to give you some things to investigate further about this strain. It is a great hybrid with linage strains that were award winners. So, champions are not anything knew to this flower. It’s totally a strain that you can “Wake n’ Bake” and continue to be productive. The indica is nice and not too heavy. This strain would be good for anyone on the cannabis continuum. For a hybrid, the total package is how you explain this strain. Good taste. Good medicine. And Good Blazin’! 

Affirmation: Being a stoner has taught me that I can problem solve, build new things, and give old things new life. 

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Budtender Moment: Purple Canyon Strain Review

“You know you’re a stoner when your bong gets washed more than your dishes.”

-Unknown

 Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negativity energy, go away. Staying in-line with the purple awareness color, I’m going to tell you about a strain called Purple Canyon. 

Purple Canyon is an indica-dominant hybrid that is a cross between Topanga Canyon x Purple Punch. Topanga Canyon is an equal hybrid of Topanga x Sweatband. Purple Punch is a cross between Larry OG x Grandaddy Purple. And this strain has a “hazy” taste that is typical of purple strains. The “hazy” taste is one that reminds me of a “mold and mildew” smell of an older house.

The main terpenes in this strain are trans-Caryophyllene, Myrcene and Linalool. And the medical benefits include anxiety, body aches, appetite stimulation, chronic pain, and insomnia. This is a very average potency. It is mild enough for a lunchtime break and regrouping. And not strong enough to give you “couch lock.” Keep blazin.’ And stay safe.

Affirmation: I embrace the moments of calm and creativity that cannabis brings to my day.

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Budtender Moment: Purple Cookies Strain Review

“Weed is from the earth. God put this here for me and you. Take advantage, man, take advantage.”

-Smokey (Chris Tucker), Friday

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. With part of the awareness colors for suicide awareness being purple, you know I had to represent with a purple strain. Sit back for a few minutes and allow me to educate you on this little beauty.

Purple Cookies is a 50/50 hybrid. It’s a cross between Cookie F2 x Purple Caper. You initially get that “hazy” strain taste which is also very earthy. And I’ll be honest; I had to smoke almost an entire bowl before I felt anything. Part of that could be that I smoke very heavy indicas to manage my medical needs. 

Patients report relief from stress, anxiety and depression. It’s also used to help with chronic pain, insomnia and muscle  spasms. I can tell you that I have a lot of the same issues. This strain didn’t do much for me in regard to chronic pain or insomnia. And that’s probably due to the sativa half of the hybrid.

The main terpene is myrcene. And it’s a strain that would be perfect for inexperienced users. You won’t get “couch lock.” And it would be perfect to use it during a lunch break. Overall, it’s not strong, but I can’t say that it’s bad medicine. It could be perfect for your individual needs. Thanks for reading! And keep blazing!

Affirmation: I won’t share blunts with people who won’t share roaches with me.

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Budtender Moment: Black Cadillac Concentrate Strain Review 

“It makes me feel the way I need to feel.”

-Snoop Dogg

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. As I pay my respects to all of the victims and family members who were affected by September 11, 2001, the color of the awareness ribbon is black. And I could think of no other type of cannabis product that fit this unfortunate date than a concentrate called Black Cadillac Special Indica.

As we take a moment to recognize all the lives that were forever changed, I couldn’t think of a more respectful name. The black Cadillac has always been a vehicle associated with importance and status. And the innocent victims and heroes that gave their lives in order to save others, will always be seen not only as familial heroes but also as “American heroes.” 

Black Cadillac is a cross between Purple Punch x Ghost Vapor OG. Purple Punch genetics are a cross between Larry OG x Grandaddy Purple. Ghost Vapor OG is a cross between Ghost OG x Purple Punch. Right here you can tell that it’s almost a straight indica. I used this by way of a concentrate dablicator.

Patients report relief chronic pain, stress, anxiety and insomnia. And I also believe this to be true. This  combination is truly a special indica. I wouldn’t recommend this product for a beginner, as you might not be quite ready for the punch to the chest that will be felt. Nevertheless, this beauty will truly help relieve some of the stress and discomfort on the remembrance day that changed the face of our great nation. Thanks for reading! And continue blazin’ fellow stoners!

Affirmation: I love everyone at every sesh. Some I love when they enter; some I love when they leave.

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Budtender Moment: Purple Chiesel Strain Review

“Let us burn one from end to end, and pass it over to me, my friend.”

-Ben Harper

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy, go away. Today, I want to review the strain, Purple Chiesel. This strain is considered an equal hybrid depending on exact genetics. However, the strain I tried was a heavy indica. And it locked me down quick. Keeping with the purple awareness color, this one is on my top five strains of all time. Also keep in mind that flowers can be bred of either indica or sativa strains. That’s why it’s important to get the genetics from the dispensary where they are bought.

Exact genetics are only guestimates because I have seen this strain portrayed as a sativa dominant hybrid. Lineage is Chiesel x Mendo Purps. Chiesel is a cross of NYC Diesel x Cheese. And spicy is one all levels. I was preparing for much less. At over 25% it stretches its legs. I instantly reclined back in my chair for a little nap. It has the “purple/hazy” taste. 

Patients report relief from stress, bipolar disorder, epilepsy, arthritis, and chronic pain. Terpenes are Geraniol, Limonene, b-myrcene, Nerolidol and Linalool. As always, thanks for reading. And keep blazin’ fellow stoners!

Affirmation: I release any shame or stigma over using cannabis.

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Budtender Moment: Purple Rain Strain Review

“The biggest killer on the planet is stress, and I still think the best medicine is and always been cannabis.”

-Willie Nelson

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today’s strain review will be on the strain Purple Rain. This is another “purple” strain as we continue to bring awareness and prevention for those who are touched, in some way, by suicide. Purple strains are usually dark and indica, which is right up my alley. As with most strains, there is typically more than one terpene profile depending on the genetics. This was the one that I tried.

Purple Rain is an indica-dominant strain and a cross between Chemdawg x Purple Candy Kush x OG Kush. Just looking at the “plant family” genetics, I know that both OG Kush and  Chemdawg are strong and dank fuel taste between the two. And Purple Candy, I assume is a sativa because of the Candy.

This strain I wasn’t sure would be what I needed. On inhale it definitely tastes like a typical purple strain with that “hazy” taste. And for me it acted like a hybrid “creeper” strain. But then that Purple Rain began falling down on me and by the end I was so faded. 

Patients report relief from symptoms of anxiety, depression and stress. And I agree. Terpenes in this strain are Limonene, Caryophyllene and Linalool. Probably on of the reasons that the effects came on slower, even at 26% THC. Myrcene is the terpene that can give you that hard “couch lock.” But I have to admit that this is still a nice strain.

Affirmation: It’s called CANnabis not CANTabis.

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Budtender Moment: GMO Strain Review

“There was a point I was embarrassed at how much thought I put into weed. But I’ve embraced it.”

-Seth Rogan

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to highlight one of my favor cannabis strains, GMO. This girl has “diesel dyke” written all over her. Or maybe the “Diet Coke Man” from the commercials where he is sweating without his shirt working on tires. He might even be hanging from scaffolding, again without a shirt, drinking Diet Coke not working. Either way, this strain name must be “STINKY!”

GMO strain is also known as “Garlic Cookies.” It’s an indica dominant strain of Chemdawg x Girl Scout Cookies. And the very first thing you will notice is that stinky, dank aroma. And the lineage is also very stinky. But once it hits, have the Cheetos nearby. It has a very distinct aroma of garlic and cookies. Combined the smell resembles the smell of diesel. If you like straight diesel strains without the combination of fruity strains used to tone down the taste, this is like you are smoking diesel fumes. You either love it or hate it. The terpene profile is dominated by caryophyllene, limonene, myrcene and humulene. 

This “little stinker” wraps her cannabis arms around my shoulders, and we cuddle for the next 30 minutes. And I revel in the experience of a momentary state of total completeness. She has been great for my pain and insomnia. GMO is not a strain that you should use prior to going to work unless you are a regular indica user. This is a very heavy strain that prides itself on the art of “couch locking.” 

I love dank strains like this. There is a significant difference in “diesel dank” and “skunk dank.” I can tolerate little skunk. So, for me it’s a good alternate that I’ve learned to love. And for my needs I give it a 5 out of 5! Thanks for reading! And Keep Smoking!

Affirmation: My positivity and enthusiasm for life are infectious, and people love me for it.

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Budtender Moment: Watermelon Woooo Strain Review

“Don’t judge someone until you have shared a joint with them.”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy, go away. Today, I want to talk to you about a product that I like to call “the total package.” It is a concentrate known as Watermelon Woo! And it is truly ‘watermelon’ every step of the way.

This beautiful strain is considered an indica. Watermelon Woo is found to be closely associated with the strain Watermelon. And it has also been linked to OG Kush. But the exact genetics are currently unknown. The combination of the terpenes makes it taste exactly like a watermelon Jolly Rancher. The Watermelon auto resulted from crossing Tropicana Cookies X Lemon OG. Top terpenes are Linalool, Pinene and Myrcene. Those first two seem to have links to increase anxiety. And I am sensitive to those.

Medical benefits include relief from stress, anxiety, insomnia, pain relief and mood improvement. Even eaten as a concentrate, the benefits are there. And if you are sensitive to tastes, like I am, the taste is very tolerable.

Affirmation: My joints never run. My bong is always clean. My bowls are overflowing with fresh greens.

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What Are The Streets Saying? Fentanyl

“The DEA is part of the army of good working people  working against the evil of drugs. The cartels deal in death, but we fight for life. This is not about politics; it’s about survival. Together, as one nation, we will end this  fentanyl crisis and protect our people.”

-Acting Administrator, Derek Maltz

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I’m going to discuss one of the leading killers in our nation, FENTANYL. The correct pronunciation is (Fen-ta-nil). Fentanyl is a very powerful synthetic opioid that is used in surgery as an anesthetic to control severe pain. However, over the past decade, the drug has made its way into the illicit drug supply by way of cartels who are supplied most of the time from China where fentanyl is manufactured. And the street value of a counterfeit pill of fentanyl ranges from $1 to $3 a pill. And this is why fentanyl is so affordable and appealing to anyone.

With the opioid crisis that began in the 1990s and the lack of alternative pain control, chronic pain sufferers were forced to go to the streets to handle it themselves. I also suffer from chronic pain. A few years ago when I was living in Texas, no matter how much I told my doctors about my increasing nerve pain that has spread all over my body, no one would help me. I began to think that maybe my medical issues weren’t legit. What I soon found out was that the fear of healthcare professionals of persecution because of doctors who went too far and had opened clinics called “pill mills.” These were clinics that resembled pain clinics that were prescribed  without sufficient medical history. Patients in  these types of facilities received only prescriptions as a cash only transaction.

“Overdose deaths involving primarilyfentanyl totaled 73,838 reported in 2022”

(nida.nih.gov, 2024). 

The result was an astronomical amount going to people for forming both a physical and mental addiction on these drugs. What it also caused was the people with legitimate pain issues who had no access to medications that made their pain tolerable. Chronic pain will lead you to a couple of different places for relief. The streets where pills are sold illicitly or suicide. It’s not always about wanting to be a criminal. And unfortunately, our nation didn’t have answers to help with those needs. I had used medical cannabis previously when I lived in Albuquerque, NM. Texas, however, was a big southern slow towards that goal.

I tried everything I could get my hands on to help manage my pain without success. So, I headed to the streets for relief. I went down into the area of south Dallas which was nothing but hoodrats and drug dealers. And I was only able to go into those areas because I was with someone else who was already well known in that area. I was a gay white female who people there thought was a cop. I might be a lot of things but a narc I am not. I’ll be honest, that area was scary as hell. But I felt that I had no other options. And so I started buying pills from a dealer.

“The latest DEA laboratory testing announced earlier this fall, indicates that 5 out of every 10 pills tested contain a potentially deadly dose of fentanyl. Two milligrams of fentanyl is considered a lethal dose. For perspective, one gram of fentanyl, equivalent in size to a sugar packet, has the potential to kill up to 500 people.” (DEA.gov, 2024).

At the time, pills were going for $1/mg. This means that a pharmaceutical pain pill that was 30mg went for $30. And because these pills were harder to come by means that the prices were constantly increasing. So, I might get pain relief for one night. The next day I was in horrible pain yet again. When you buy drugs off the street, you are forced to unfortunately buy what is available. And some of it is pretty difficult to come by. And each time you take the medication you are playing Russian roulette. And I didn’t care. I needed relief like I needed air. 

I was only able to buy morphine 60mg tablets which equaled $60/day which was impossible to come by for me. Buying on the streets is always a crapshoot about being able to stay in contact with more than one dealer. It’s a game of who if anyone will come through for you. Desperation will lead you to doing irrational things. And it was worth it at the time. I consider myself incredible that I didn’t become a statistic to fentanyl. And I never became addicted to anything that I used there. 

“Fentanyl is 100 times more potent than morphine.”

(DEA.gov, 2024)

Fentanyl is in everything now. If kids get some pills from a friend that bought them from a dealer and it has been cut with fentanyl, they’re dead. Narcan, which is a medication that helps to reverse the effects of an opiate, definitely helps to reverse overdose. But what if you took the pill right before you got into bed hoping for a nice, peaceful sleep pain free? No one is there and narcan then means nothing.

While growing up in the 80’s the drugs were still safe to experiment with. But now they’re not. Fentanyl is one of those drugs that has seemed to grab my attention about its hidden dangers.  Some people are being intentionally poisoned due to fentanyl. And it scares the hell out of me for my kids.

I invite you to watch videos on YouTube about fentanyl awareness. One of my personal favorites is Texas Documentaries that has a new video every couple of days about how fentanyl  has destroyed so many lives and their families. Have fun. Stay safe. And educate yourselves and those you love about the dangers of fentanyl.

“We’ve been at the forefront of this fight against synthetic opioids since the very beginning. We are committed to combating  fentanyl, and the men and women of CBP are up to the task.”

-CBP Senior Official Performing the Duties of the Commissioner Troy Miller

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Budtender Moment: Rancid Rainbow

“Can’t complain when you’ve got Mary Jane.”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today is the last day for the Pride strain reviews. I enjoy doing strain reviews, especially those that relate in some way to our celebrations. Sit for a moment while I introduced you to our last little sassy beast.

The name of today’s strain highlight is Rancid Rainbow. The genetics include Rainbow Sherbert #11 x Rancid Skunk. And just the name of genetic strains we know that this one is probably, at the very least, a hybrid. It’s almost a truly equal hybrid. But a slight indica dominant strain sits at a 60%/40% ratio. On the inhale is the immediate “fruity pebble cereal” flavoring. On the back end is that stink that give it its name. And even though the genetics are skunky, it still carries that fuel stink and taste.

This is a strain that can be used during the day with moderation. Too much of this little girl and you might as well clock out. She’s a strong one at 29% THC. Her medical effects help to relief stress and pain at the top. And while the rest of us are almost finished with Pride, she is a “ride-or-die” that you want riding shotgun in your medicine cabinet. Rancid Rainbow ranks at 4.5 out of 5 as a total package. Well done, Southern Grown Therapeutics!

 I hope everyone has enjoyed all of the Pride celebrations for 2025. Everyone in the Pride family, I encourage you to gather your strength and carry the Pride flag within you everywhere you go. We have some difficult days ahead while “The Furor” is in power. He can run his mouth. But he can’t take our RANCID RAINBOW!

Affirmation: I am an optimistic, positive stoner.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

National PTSD Awareness Day

“Always remember, if you have been diagnosed with PTSD, it is not a sign of weakness; rather, if is proof of your strength, because you have survived!”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to take time out from celebrating Pride, to give light to National PTSD Awareness Day. This one hit hard as I’ve lived with PTSD longer than I’ve lived without it. And there are so many of us who don’t make it to the other end of the tunnel. It’s an incredibly dark place to wake up to and go to sleep with every night.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) dates back to ancient civilizations and military conflicts. Terms used early on included “combat-related stress,” “shellshock,” “combat fatigue,” and “railway spine.” In the 1800s and early 1900s, the “talking cure: was popularized by Sigmund Freud and introduced in medical literature. And the treatment went from psychoanalysis to electric shock treatment. By the 1950s, the treatments had become more humane. However, now people would not admit to any traumatic symptoms due to the stigma. So, group therapy and psychotropic medications were introduced (blackbearrehab.com, 2025).

In the 1970s Vietnam veterans began experiencing a lot of psychological problems that persisted even after returning home. And survivors of domestic abuse were also included. In the 1980s, PTSD was officially recognized as a mental health problem. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders adopted the diagnosis where it has remained (blackbearrehab.com, 2025).

PTSD is a developed from a traumatic event. C- PTSD when a traumatic event continues for months and years or multiple events occur. The intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, insomnia, avoidance, memory problems, detachment from friends and family, feeling emotionally numb, hyper startle, irritability, trouble concentrating, impulsive behavior, paranoia, severe anxiety, nightmares, suicidal ideations and actions and uncontrollable thoughts about the event. And over time, these symptoms completely devour who you once were (MayoClinic.org, 2025).

I know that PTSD is typically related to soldiers. I am here to tell you that I never went into the military. But the PTSD that I deal with, as a result of domestic violence, grabbed hold of me and has never let go. It has completely stripped me of everything that I used to enjoy. I don’t care about relationships. I question people about their intentions, even if they’re pure and good. I’m constantly waiting for the next shoe to drop. I don’t have typical reactions to being scared. I could see a moth out, of the corner of my peripheral vision, and then jump and scream like Jeffery Dahmer was staring at me and about to take the first bite. I face the stigmas of both friends and family mainly due to a lack of understanding. However, the reasearch information is everywhere. Sometimes others just need to their own leg work. I have come to realize that instead of trying to find out how PTSD affects someone that you love, it’s “the easy way out” to just to be dismissive, embarrassed and judgmental instead. The attitude is “just change X behavior.” Without having a solution, the resounding message of “just make it go away” further ostracizes the person that you say you care about. And so the anticipated glimmer of hope dissipates further isolating the individual. And sadly, can lead to suicide.

PTSD is not about you, it’s about them. It’s just a diagnosis until it’s “you” that experiences it every day. It has taken me down to the point of putting a gun in my mouth. And because living in the abuse was so severe, I actually pulled the trigger after pointing the gun at my torso. It missed my heart by only a few centimeters. Nothing was messed up to the point of needing surgery. But self-harm is something that I’ve dealt with since I was a 13-year-old child. And I had no idea how to deal with all the overwhelming emotions of abuse. In that cold, dark closet where I began to self-harm, and as maladaptive as the behavior is, it worked. It was the only thing that worked to bring me back to complete balance. But the problem is that it became a true addiction issue that I continue to struggle with. And before you ask, yes I’ve done a lot of therapy. It’s not that the therapy doesn’t. It’s that the addiction is that strong. 

PTSD is a true injury on the brain. The brain’s job is to help you survive in any way possible. So, we reach for anything to help calm the barrage of intrusive thoughts, memories, smells and sounds. And once it’s been damaged through a traumatic event, it creates a “work around” solution. What typically works? Self-harm and substance abuse creates almost instant comfort. You don’t have to wait for 6-8 weeks to reach your therapeutic dose efficacy to begin working. It’s an immediate fix that some of have to use just to stay alive.

Cannabis was recommended when all other “Big Pharma” medications failed. And it has saved my life on a daily basis ever since. Cannabis seems to put a cloud over my brain saying, “Settle just for a moment.” And for that moment, I can take a break from the constant paranoia and overstimulation of a brain that wanted to do nothing more than survive. And that, is my battlefield. It wasn’t in Iraq, Afghanistan or Vietnam. My battlefield is everywhere I go. I fear people and social situations in a way that most cannot understand. 

It literally takes me about a week in advance to start prepping to leave my house just to go to pick up medications,that I,unfortunately have to take. But I don’t take anymore psych meds. I was extremely sick, coming off all the meds that I had been begging for over two years to be tapered off. And I got tired of waiting, so I did it myself. I don’t advise this way because it was a really miserable process. However, I was at a point of desperation. And now about 6 months later, I feel like a new human being after the toxic feeling of all the medications. All of my true feelings and emotions have awakened, and I really like feeling somewhat comfortable at times.

My personal opinion is that anyone returning home from the active duty should be handed an ounce of weed the minute they step off the plane to do with as they wish. And it would be perfectly ok if they gave it away. That’s like paying it forward in “Weed-O-Nomics.” As it stands, soldiers come home from a war that never ends. And they are committing suicide at a rate of 22 soldiers a day. And that is less than unacceptable.

As the topic of cannabis continues to circulate among social circles and national politics, I hope that veterans from our military will step out against the shame that is felt from social stigmas. And reach for the plant that can “help take the gun out of your mouth.” Cannabis doesn’t cure PTSD because it wasn’t the one who caused it. But it does make things much more tolerable.

Thanks for reading! Happy Pride everyone!

Affirmation: I am resilient and capable of healing.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Budtender Moment: Blues Brothers Motorbreath

“Two wrongs don’t make a right, but two joints made my night.”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Okie dokie! Today, I’m going to review strains that go along with Pride. Since I’m a lesbian, it wouldn’t be nice of me not to mention the part of the parade that I enjoy watching. It’s the “Dykes On Bikes” portion of the parade where some of the most masculine lesbians ride through on their motorcycles. And I assure you that your fragile masculinity could be smashed by some of these ladies. “Lady Lesbians Of The Bikes” I honor you with the cannabis strain with the Blues Brothers’s Label: Motorbreath.

This greasy, yet sexy, hybrid strain was actually named from a song called Motorbreath on Metallica’s 1983 album Kill’Em All. The diesel taste feels like it would be better suited on their Garage Days album. Anyway, what a pleasant surprise to find out those origins that lead back to my favorite heavy metal band of all time, Metallica. The nostalgia of this entire product just floods me with so many good memories. Because the taste will take you back, while the effects wrap you up.

Jim Belushi and Dan Aykroyd actually own Blues Brothers brand. John Belushi was a comedian and actor who traveled with Dan Aykroyd and performed as Jake and Elwood Blues. John Belush eventually died of a drug overdose. And his brother has been building a cannabis business in his honor. Jim Belushi stated in his reality program Belushi Farms, “Had my brother had access to medical cannabis, he would still be alive.”

This strain while definitely “stinky,” with some diesel fumes isn’t as heavy as the GMO strain. And it is ever since of the word “hybrid.” It feels like a sativa until the gassy, indica back end catches you. The strain has a lineage of Chemdog and SFV OG KUSH (San Fernando Valley). This would be a good strain for a lunch break if you can tolerate the indica effects. It’s used for chronic pain and stress. I think that it’s a strain for beginner or moderate users. And more of a “chill” strain for us experienced users. However, at 28.4% THC it won’t take long before it disables you for your entire lunch break. An Absolutely great hybrid in my book. The terpene profile is Caryophyllene, Myrcene and Limonene. This indica-dominant hybrid is definitely 4.25 out of 5 on the rating scale. A uniquely beautiful strain that will help many people no matter where on the continuum you reside. Way to go Blues Brothers!

“Dykes On Bikes” comeback you forgot your diesel! Happy Pride, everyone!

Affirmation: I attract the best weed.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

What Are The Streets Saying?Kratom

“Recovery is hard. Regret is harder.”

-Brittany Burgunder

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Are you wondering what’s the big deal with Kratom? You may not even know what Kratom is. Today, I will tell you why there’s so many things in the news about upcoming legislation.

Kratom is pronounced (Cray-tom)Kratom is a tree native to Southeast Asia. The ground leaves, when consumed in low doses, acts as a stimulant. And in high doses function as a sedative and can lead to psychotic symptoms and both psychological and physical dependence. Kratom contains two major psychoactive ingredients mitragynine and 7-hydroxymytragynine. The leaves are powdered and can then be smoked, brewed with tea, gel capsules or mixed into a liquid. Or the leaves can be chewed. It can also lead to addiction. 

There have been several cases of psychosis and symptoms including hallucinations, delusion and confusion upon use. The effects on the body include nausea, itching, sweating, dry mouth, constipation, increased urination, tachycardia, vomiting, drowsiness and loss of appetite. Users have also experienced anorexia, weight loss, insomnia, hepatoxicity, seizure and hallucinations (getsmartaboutdrugs.gov, 2024).

I used Kratom for a while to help with chronic pain. And I have to admit that it helped. When I used it, I would mix a spoonful into some orange juice and drink it. The taste is extremely bitter. And overall, I just didn’t like the way that it made me feel. I never became addicted to this substance. I can understand why people can become addicted to it. All you have to do is look at the list of side effects to realize that those same type of signs and symptoms are related to opiate use. And some people believe that Kratom is, in fact, an opiate needing some type of legislation.

Kratom supporters argue that it is helpful for chronic pain and  opiate addicts. And I personally can’t deny those facts. And with it also being a plant, some people argue that it’s safe like cannabis. It is not. Kratom can actually lead to overdose death. Cannabis has yet to have a casualty. I don’t think that it’s completely horrible. I do think that it’s a substance that needs to be used with caution. And I also don’t believe that minors should be allowed to buy it legally. Kids just don’t use it in moderation and always look to just get high. And there have been deaths associated with its use.

There are several countries that have also banned the  possession and use of kratom. These countries include: 

§  Australia

§  Finland

§  Denmark

§  Japan

§  Isreal

§  Malaysia

§  Lithuania

§  Latvia

§  Myanmar

§  Russia

§  Poland 

§  Romania

§  South Korea

§  Singapore

§  Thailand

§  Vietnam

§  New Zealand (bicyclehealth.com, 2024).

As with most substances like this, the FDA does not approve of it. And unlike cannabis, there are no safety measures that have been set in place for regulation. There is no testing of the product to identify pesticides, molds or any cutting substances. Therefore, you have absolutely no idea what has been mixed in with this plant. And for this reason, I agree that that testing should be required prior to the sale. 

The DEA currently has Kratom listed as a “drug of concern.” And it will be scheduled under the Substance Abuse Act. The DEA also stated that they will seek to list Kratom as a Schedule 1 drug which has a high potential for abuse and no currently accepted medical use. And a lack of accepted safety for use under medical supervision (dea.gov, 2016) Currently, individual states have launched their own legislation regarding this substance.

The Six states that have already banned kratom are: Alabama, Arkansas, Indiana, Rhode Island, Vermont and Wisconsin. Other states have enacted legislation about minimum age requirements like nicotine and alcohol. The safest thing to do is to read about the risks involved and make your own decision. And check current legislation in your state for its legal status. Be careful if you have a history of addiction.

If you have minor teens or children, do not let them take this substance. This should only be allowed for adults. Enjoy it while you can. Because this is another substance that will eventually be banned throughout the country. Where it might have been initially used legitimately for years, the substance has proven to be deadly on all  fronts. Thanks for reading! Take what you can and leave the rest.

Affirmation: You are stronger than your temptation.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

The Legend Of 420

“As a part of a balanced breakfast on 4/20, don’t forget to eat your Weedies!”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Okie dokie! Hello, everyone and Happy 420! It’s National Smokeout Day! I’m blazing this fine morning. What about you? This is the second best day of the year for me. Today, I want to tell you about the legend of 4/20.

In 1971, five students in San Rafael, California who went to San Rafael High School coined the term as part of the search for an abandoned cannabis crop. It was based on a treasure map made by the grower. And They called themselves the Waldos because their designated hang-out spot was a wall outside of the school. And 4:20 pm was the meeting time. There were several failed attempts to find the crop. But the phrase evolved into a code word that the teens referred to for smoking cannabis.

In 1991 High Times Magazine reported that the term “420” referred to a police code which supposedly identified that they had spotted an individual or individuals smoking marijuana. However, this was an incorrect version of where the legend originated. In 1998, there was another story that stated that “Waldo” Reddis became a roadie for the Grateful Dead, in which, 4:20 pm was yet also designated time for smoking marijuana.

4/20 has become an international cannabis culture holiday. It is actually considered half celebration and half call to action. And global movements like this cannot be stopped. Users protest in civil disobedience by gathering in public to smoke at 4:20 pm. As cannabis continues to be decriminalized and legalized worldwide, a cannabis activist Steve DeAngelo states “even if our activists work were complete, 420 morphs from a statement of conscience to a celebration of victory, a celebration of our amazing connection with this plant” which “will always be worthy of celebration.”

In North America major observances have been held at locations that include:

  • New York City: Washington Square Park (Manhattan)
  • Boston: Boston Common
  • San Francisco: “Hippie Hill” in Golden Gate Park
  • Santa Cruz: Porter College at University of California, Santa Cruz
  • Washington, D.C.: National Mall, United States Capitol
  • Vancouver: The Vancouver Art Gallery and Sunset Beach
  • Montréal: Le Mont Royal George-Étienne Cartier Monument
  • Denver: Civic Center Park
  • Ottawa: Parliament Hill and Major’s Hill Park
  • Edmonton: The Alberta Legislature Building
  • Boulder: Campus of the University of Colorado Boulder
  • Toronto: Nathan Phillips Square and Yonge-Dundas Square
  • Berkeley: Campus of University of California, Berkeley on the Memorial Glade
  • Mexico City: Mexican Senate under the slogan Platon 420.
  • Ann Arbor: Hash Bash
  • St. Louis, Missouri: Loop 420 Fest at Delmar Loop
  • And many other locations.

I was lucky to be able to attend the Cannabis Cup in Denver one year. They gave out free dabs in several places. Cannabis culture businesses had booths about their products. The ongoing Cannabis Cup competition for best grown strains. Lectures about current legislation and oh so many other things. There were lines a mile long just to get into the event. But unlike events that consist of drunk rednecks who want to fight about everything, there were no fights among the very large gathering of 60,000 people. We were all high and had the munchies and dry mouth by the time we walked through the gates. The atmosphere was like heaven for me. It was amazing! Afterwards, Mel and I went to local dispensaries to gather more goodies. Who did I run into? Snoop Dogg. He was going to be performing at the Cannabis Cup later that day. I was completely starstruck. Such an easy going, chill guy. I love him and his music!

No matter where you may be located, 420 is a day where the liberation of enjoying such a beautiful plant can occur. If you are like me, I will start planning my own celebration for this wonderful event in my own casa. I have my music picked out. My different strains of weed and grinder are readily available. Movies about marijuana and cannabis culture are listed to watch. Pipes freshly cleaned. Concentrates close at hand. Blunts and cones (not boobies) prepared. And plenty of junk food and grills warming up for the munchies. God Bless the plant and the United States of 420!

“Happy 420, enjoy prison when they do a Happy 4/21 National Drug Test Day!”

-Unknown

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife 

darnold1975

Medical Cannabis Strain Review: Brett Farve by Gruv

“Life deals you a lot of lessons. Some people learn from it. Some people don’t.”

-Brett Farve

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away! Now that the 420 festivities are over with, I can really take the time to look at everything that Snoop the Weedster Bunny put in my stash basket. And all the wonderful goodies have clearly aimed to please. One of the new local strains that Snoop brought to me was called Brett Farve!

This is a local novelty strain named after the hall of fame quarterback Brett Farve. And yes, he is considered a hometown legend. This little beauty is made by a company called Gruv. Genetics are unknown to the public at this time. However, I can promise you that this strain will remain in my top five strains for eternity. It is estimated that the actual strain name is Scandalous OG. And a sub-strain of the OG Kush lineage.

With the guesstimated strain name, there’s are a few things that I knew about the strain without knowing the definite genetics. This strain has a very instant and dank fuel, diesel aroma. Also, the OG strains are typically indica dominant whether it’s a hybrid or straight indica. The taste, however, isn’t as heavy with the fuel as the smell. Your first taste is heavy, green, terpy taste. And then it hits the back of your throat with a scratchy, pepper taste. When it hits your body, fall into the cloud. Huge bong rips will leave you paralyzed with “couch lock.” 

This strain hits at a whopping 30%. And let me tell you, this strain will not disappoint. I began getting pain relief almost instantly. This is definitely not a fruity strain. It has some true dank appeal to my tastebuds. I also don’t detect any type of skunkiness. With Brett Farve being diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease, this is a strain that reminds me a lot of him. It’s “tough as nails” in potency and terpenes at 4%. Top terpenes are Limonene, trans-Caryophyllene and a-Humulene. The heavy pain and stress relieving qualities combo is one that Brett could receive much benefit. Health benefits from medical cannabis with Parkinson’s patients by improving both motor symptoms and  non-motor symptoms such as: bradykinesia, rigidity, tremor, sleep and pain.

I realized that this new company took a lot of risks just getting into the cannabis industry with this “hail mary” of a strain. It was a total touchdown in my book! The novelty stain name will be enticing for Hattiesburg, MS area medical patients who remember watching Brett Farve when he played at the University of Southern Mississippi. But the strain creation was a completed pass! And I look forward to more that this company has to offer. Thanks for reading! Keep it Green!

Affirmation: I have the right to choose healthcare that is best for me.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Cannabis Products (Edibles)

“Edibles kick in when they hear you talking crap about them.”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about another type of cannabis product known as edibles. The quote I picked describes exactly what my first experience with edibles was like. I’ll explain what edibles are and then tell you the story.

Edibles themselves are just food or other consumable products infused with cannabis. The way that this happens is that cannabis has to be heated to a temperature that releases the THC and other cannabinoids. And they also must have a binding agent that is typically done with butane, alcohol, oil or butter. And then the resulting product can be incorporated into just about any type of products like brownies, gummies, beverages or favorite dessert. The information to remember is that edibles take much longer to begin working, somewhere between 2-3 hours. Unless eaten on an empty stomach which will cause them to take effect at around 45 minutes. The effects last much longer than smoking. This is where people tend to ingest too much. Because they think that the product is not working. It takes longer to go through the digestive system and then into the bloodstream.

 The only frame of reference I had about weed was the kind that I smoked occasionally in high school. And it wasn’t good and clean. It was junk. But, it was all I had. Where some of my classmate’s mom would make “party” brownies, I was never around them to experience that. 

While I was living in Albuquerque I got my first medical marijuana card. I got comfortable smoking the flower and headed in the direction of edibles. I saw on the dispensary menu that trail mix was available. I didn’t ask questions. I just bought it and took it home. We were taking Marshall to a pumpkin patch that would be an all day event. And I knew with my PTSD that the process would be very stressful for me. We begin getting ready and I start eating the food. I thought that you were supposed to eat the entire thing. So I did.

We needed to stop by Dollar Tree for a couple of things. I dropped Mel off while I waited in the car with Marshall. I didn’t have a whole lot of faith that the edible would work. It had been about an hours since I had eaten it on an empty stomach. By the time Mel finished shopping and came back to our vehicle, I told her, “Oh shit! Mel something is wrong!” Surprised that I was upset, she said, “What’s the matter?” I said, “I can’t feel my butt.” She asked, “Can you drive?” I told her, “Ummm..HELL NO!” I kept getting higher and higher. And then I got scared. The level of anxiety was “out of this world.” I knew one thing for sure, that experimental day would be one where a hard lesson would be learned. All I could do was think. But, I couldn’t seem to form many sentences. And walking didn’t even feel normal.

I began praying to the cannabis gods for mercy. And they didn’t seem to listen. I spent the entire day and evening lit as hell. For sixteen hours, I was higher than I have ever been. I didn’t get sick in any way. But I had to endure that horrible mistake. I went back to the dispensary the following Monday and told them what had happened. They chuckled and said, “You’re not supposed to eat the entire thing in one sitting.” I said, “Well it was only about ½ cup of the mixture.” They told me, “That was made with a concentrated cannabis oil that was infused in the trail mix.” I told them, “Ok. Well lesson learned.” and I left. Needless to say, I have never done that since. 

If you over smoke or over dab you can recline your chair, and within about 45 minutes to a couple of hours, you come back down to earth. However, if you overdo it with an edible, you are just at its mercy. You cannot interrupt the process in any way. I say this so that you don’t make the same mistake. I have seen people eat two or three edibles at a time and I just look at them like they have lost their minds. I would tell them, “You’re going to regret doing that.” And sure enough, right after they talk crap about not feeling anything, they get so high that the experience becomes a miserable existence.

I had Irritable Bowel Syndrome, at the time, which is miserable in any respect. Every morning I would eat about a fourth of an edible, as a part of my regimen, and the symptoms were almost non-existent. I continued doing this for the next two years. And I haven’t had any symptoms of IBS since. I no longer take any kind of medication for that issue. My IBS is gone.  

The drawback to using edibles is that they can spoil. So if it’s not a product that you can freeze and will end up going bad before you’re able to eat them, then you can potentially lose a lot of money. Products like gummies have a much longer shelf life. Some people don’t like smoking or have lung issues that prevent them from being able to smoke. And for those that have digestive problems, I have found that smoking really isn’t a good way to manage symptoms. Edibles are powerful and coat the digestive tract and they work! Just do them in moderation.

There are all types of different products including colas, gums, chocolates, hard candies and ice cream. The cannabis taste is the terpenes in the product. Since I am very sensitive to tastes, I tend to go with edibles with a much milder taste. One of the best items to use is cannabis butter which can be added to just about any meal. Mel would make red bean and rice and then add about a teaspoon of cannabis butter to my portion. And trust me that is all you need. Not a tablespoon.

If you want a nice peaceful rest for nighttime,get you some cannabis butter that is heavily infused with indica strains. You will rest and be almost pain free. If you still don’t like that option because of the high feeling, then opt for cannabis butter that is infused with high CBD, low THC strains. 

Gummies are usually sold as 10 mg pieces. There are typically about 10 pieces to a pack. And to begin with you can get pretty lit on the dosage. You don’t have to get the 500mg candies that you see people eating on social media. They are idiots. But to each his own, right? There are so many flavors and foods that are available. Try as many different ones as you can and enjoy the ride!

I hope this blog has provided you with some information that can help you make informed decisions regarding these types of products. Thanks for reading! Keep up the blazing!

“The edibles have kicked in.”

-Unknown

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Cannabis Products (Concentrates)

“It really puzzles me to see marijuana connected with narcotics, dope, and all of that stuff. It is a thousand times better than whiskey. It is an assistant and a friend.”

-Louis Armstrong, Musician

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Okie dokie! Today, staying in line with cannabis culture, I want to discuss another form of cannabis that has developed its own subculture in the last decade. It’s the use of concentrates commonly known as “dabbing.” It has become one of the favored ways of using marijuana. And one of my favorites as well.

Concentrates are just concentrated forms of marijuana that can get you very high, very quickly. And if not done correctly, can be a horribly unpleasant experience. When I began using concentrates, it didn’t take long for me to grasp the concept of moderation. I have overdabbed accidently a few times. And oh how I couldn’t wait for my high to come down to a more pleasant level. Concentrates are made in many ways such as:  wax, oil, shatter, or budder. They can be consumed by dabbing, vaping, or adding to joints, blunts or bowls.

The extraction methods that gather all of the cannabinoids and terpenes of the plant can be done  by:

  • Solvent based– butane, propane, ethanol or CO2.
  • Solventless: Pressure, heat, or ice water.

Forms include:

  • Wax: A waxy, pliable consistency.
  • Oil: A liquid form commonly used for vape cartridges or edibles.
  • Shatter: A glass like consistency.
  • Budder: A whipped or creamy consistency.
  • Other: hash oil and resin.

Consumption methods:

  • Dabbing: used with a device called a “dab rig” which vaporizes the concentrate for inhalation.
  • Vaping: Using a concentrate pen or cartridge sometimes with pre-filled concentrated substances.
  • Adding to bowls/joints/blunts: Adding a small amount to a bowl of flower or rolling into a joint or a blunt. I personally wouldn’t use these forms on a bowl. It will clog your pipe or bong and you will lose product.

Concentrates  have THC percentages that range from 60%-90%. Do you see what I mean?  Concentrates are like smoking three joints at one time. And the effects are almost immediate. You can become intoxicated very quickly. And if you do too much, it can leave you very sick. The results are nothing worse than getting too drunk. Complete with nausea, vomiting, sweating and/or bad paranoia. However, if you need a quick delivery versus waiting on the flower to work, this is a highly effective route. 

Dabbing is typically used with equipment known as a “dab rig” that requires that you heat a metal or a glass nail and then drop a small amount of the concentrate on the heated surface. It is then vaportized and flows into the maze of the glass until it reaches your mouth for inhalation. I have a silicone dab kit because I have children and cats who do not care about beautiful pieces. And if it gets knocked off there’s no breakage. Dab rigs are typically around $60 to thousands of dollars. They now have dab rigs that have electric nails, called e-rigs, which are in the range from about $100 to several hundreds of dollars. They are safer than using a blow torch to heat up a nail. I’m perfectly happy with my silicone with metal nail and using a blow torch. 

Concentrate Vape Pens are also something that I really enjoy using as it’s a more portable way of using in public. It consists of a coil that’s heated by pressing a button after depositing some of your concentrate into the reservoir. This is what I call my “adult binky.” Since I suffer from PTSD, panic attacks and social anxiety, I can take this with me while I run errands.  And I put it to good use. It’s also very convenient when going out of town. Before you do that, consider checking into state laws since it’s still not legal nationally. If you are found in possession of concentrates, you can be charged with a felony. To me, personally, it’s worth the risk. Because my quality of life depends on it. I also have a medical cannabis card for the state of Mississippi but is not considered legal in other states without reciprocity. As long as I have my medical card, in this state, and I am not considered impaired, then it is completely legal. For people who live in states where you can buy cannabis recreationally, you cannot be charged with a possession or paraphernalia related to cannabis.

With fentanyl being a major issue, do not take the risk of buying any product from someone on the street, even if they tell you that it was bought at a dispensary. They do not always tell the truth. Even if your friend tells you that they have a friend who bought it at a dispensary. Again, that is probably what was told to them. It doesn’t mean that they verified that information.

When I lived in Texas, I would buy my weed from a guy that I got to know at a doctor’s office. But even then, I didn’t know for sure. I was just so desperate for some type of relief that I didn’t care. And I was willing to gamble with my life despite knowing the dangers.

Do not allow someone to dab you without knowing that they have the respect for you as a beginner. I have been overdabbed and it is not fun. Some people find it quite funny. I do not. Everyone has the right to enjoy the plant, as much as, anyone else. Start slowly and move at your own pace. That one bad experience can take the beauty out of an experience that is supposed to be heavenly. Thanks for reading! And keep dabbing!

“A little dab will do ya!”

-Dana Landrum-Arnold

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

I was not allowed to upload the video for this post. So, I’ve provided a link instead.

https://youtu.be/5MdC24TKVDI?si=wvXkZPwg62B1EyxJ

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Types Of Cannabis Products (Flower)

“Stuggle is the enemy, but weed is the remedy.”

-Kid Cudi

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Okie dokie! As we begin to prepare for the holiday 420 among we marijuana smokers, I thought I would tell you about some of the many, many products that you can use to enjoy the holiday in “HIGH” fashion. This, again, is not a comprehensive list. There are just way too many items to try out. However, this list will definitely get you started on your “to-do list.”

Okay! Let’s begin with the product that most people associate with smoking marijuana, it’s the flower. The term “weed” comes from the plant itself. Because it is “literally” a weed. The difference is known as a strain. And within these strains are the genetics which is the framework that determines the levels of Cannabidiol (CBD) the non-psychoactive substance and Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) the psychoactive substance that gets you high. And are the “sticky icky” substances that look like fine white hairs. I think it’s imperative to tell you that the plant actually produces THCa. But went heated the THCa is converted to THC. The amount of THC in the marijuana of the 1970’s was around 1%-3%. In comparison to today the THC levels, in the flower, range between about 14%-30% on average. That has been my experience. And I have bought and smoked a lot of cannabis in the last 10 years. These levels were probably inconceivable back then. The weed these days needs those levels to help with medical conditions. The higher levels of THC provide relief in particular to chronic pain and insomnia. Not that CBD doesn’t work on its own at some level. The e THC does, in fact, provide so much more relief. There are strains that are genetically developed and cultivated for a higher level of CBD 1;1 ratio. And a lot of the high CBD strains typically have much lower levels of THC. For those who don’t enjoy the feeling of the high, these strains are for you. I will even mix one of these strains in my pipe before I smoke a bowl giving me some additional relief. 

Terpenes are the substances in the plant that do not get you high. These are in every plant. However, they do provide a relaxing effect and relieve pain. While also comprising over 30,000 compounds. Terpenes are NOT cannabinoids. But they have the same effect on your endocannabinoid system. They are also partially responsible for the individual tastes of each plant. They also determine, in conjunction, with the plant’s genetics what types of effects that you can likely experience.  If you think you can benefit, learn the terpenes and genetics of the strains that you use. I personally have created a spreadsheet of the strains I try. And include a rating system along with the genetics so that I can narrow down which ones work best for me. This will help you navigate the medical part of your cannabis use.

There are 3 different types of cannabis. They are indica, sativa, and hybrids. The indicas will give you a very intense “body high” known as “couch lock.” And this is when you get so high that you might stare in place for several minutes to hours at a time. Usually, meaning that you can’t get off the couch. You want the cheetos but, at the moment, you can’t figure out how to get to them. No worries. It will only last for about 30-45 minutes, depending on how high you are, to drop from the clouds. Then you just re-up and go again. I use strains that are very indica dominant in nature. I am still able to get up and do the things I need to do. But some people cannot. This will also help you determine what you like and don’t like. The medicine of the plant will begin to work continuously. The “high” of the THC will slowly diminish. 

Sativas are most closely associated with a very “cerebral” type of high. These are very good if you need an antidepressant. It’s the type of strain where you can still get up and do housework or go back to work. Caution with these as they can increase anxiety. And from personal experience, I have panic attacks just fine without them. I am very sensitive to sativas.

Hybrids are just that: They are a combination of the two types of strains varying in percentages of each. I have found that hybrids are much more readily available than pure indicas. While you can find them, you don’t see them as much. So, in that case, I use an indica-dominant hybrid strain. Each strain has its own goofy name. Don’t let that fool you. It’s still good medicine.

Some people who smoke recreationally are more concerned with the level of THC in a particular strain. And if all you want to do is get “high”, go for it. Medically and psychiatrically, I just need my medicine to work. I have used some 30% THC levels only to be disappointed that my needs were not met.  And I have used some at around 15% that have worked just fine. There isn’t a set standard for medical patients. You just have to continue through trial and error to find what you like. I typically have around 10-15 different strains at any given time. So, when I wake up in the morning, I can determine at that time what I will use during the day. And the region of the country that you’re in will differ in strains everywhere you go. I encourage you to try, as many as you can, even on vacation.

Take your time with this process. Don’t’ go too big, too quickly, or you will have a bad experience and put a sour taste in your memory. You won’t die from an overdose. Because that’s not even possible but you’ll wish you did. You would then be cheating yourself out of this beautiful plant experience. Also, if you reach levels of intoxication, be responsible and don’t drive. You will still get a DUI.

If you have a recreational marijuana program in your state go to the dispensaries and talk with a local budtender now. The closer you get to 420 the more the products will disappear or be picked over. Always have a copy of High Times Magazine nearby to keep up with the latest trends in cannabis culture. Smoke a bowl for me! Thanks for reading!

“The illegality of cannabis is outrageous, an impediment of full utilization of a drug which helps produce the serenity and insight, sensitivity, and fellowship so desperately needed in this increasingly mad and dangerous world.”

-Carl Sagan

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife 

darnold1975

I Love This Plant!

“I find it quite ironic that the most dangerous thing about weed is getting caught with it.”

-Bill Murray

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go aways. Okie dokie! Today marks my second favorite time of the year. Yep it’s the month of 420! Not everyone agrees with it. For me though, it has saved my life. To the naysayers, there is absolutely nothing you can tell me negatively that I’ll believe about the plant called cannabis.

Cannabis has been around for forever and ever amen with a lot of negative connotations. My own family still takes issue with the fact that federally it’s still considered illegal. And you can’t really have a conversation about it because some of them are not willing to discuss the science. In a lot of ways vilifying this plant because of the Nancy Reagan 80’s seems to have stuck. I have family members that are earthy, crunchy thinkers in regard to health. And their lives all about healing with fruits, vegetables and herbs. But so am I. I like fruits, vegetables and herbs too. I just smoke my herbs. The side effects are very simple: sleepy, happy and hungry. “Big Pharma” on the other hand are constantly being sued for all of the harmful side effects. No thank you to medications that cause more harm than good. And drinking and driving home is the much safer option?

Over the years cannabis has gotten a horrible name. It’s not because it’s a dangerous drug. In fact, cannabis is one of the healthiest plants available. Our country has now made it a priority to invest money into science and discovering the healing properties. And there are scientific studies proving that cannabis isn’t as bad as once thought.

Unlike alcohol and other harmful drugs, cannabis continues to provide people with life saving medicine as it has for me. It’s healing cannabinoids help with chronic pain, epilepsy, anxiety, multiple sclerosis, PTSD, alzheimer’s disease, chemotherapy induced nausea and vomiting, insomnia, cancer, fighting cancer, inflammatory bowel disease, tourette syndrome, crohn’s disease, depression, HIV/AIDS, muscle spasms, anorexia, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, addiction, inflammation,parkinson’s disease, PTSD, reducing blood pressure, anxiety disorders, stabilizing blood sugar, decreasing overdose rates, opioid dependence, spinal cord injuries, dystonia, dementia, glaucoma, schizophrenia and other medical and psychological problems (ncbi.nlm.nih.gov, 2017).

The days of believing that cannabis is a drug that causes great bodily harm are over. Hallelujah! Now let me point out one thing. Cannabis isn’t for everyone just like certain pharmaceuticals aren’t. And I agree that some people might have some type of addiction issues. However, there is no physical withdrawal that occurs. It is impossible to overdose on cannabis. You might take or use too much, causing intoxication. But that’s not the plant’s fault. If you have a problem with addiction to this, it is a “you” problem not the substance. 

I can only speak for myself as one who has a lengthy history of addiction, I have never had a problem with marijuana. The problems have always come back to myself and the maladaptive ways of coping. Buying marijuana off the streets where most of it has come from cartels, it can be sprayed with poisons which increase the effects and dependency. And this is also where a lot of the paranoia stems from. Yes, there are people who complain about paranoia induced by cannabis that is bought from very safe dispensaries. These cases are very minimal on a broad scale. So, marijuana might not fit you as an individual. However,for people like me who continue to reap the benefits of this plant minus the addiction, I can say that it has truly saved my life. And as a result has lowered the amount of suicidal ideations that used to plague me on a daily basis. 

The effects of PTSD continue to complicate my life. The overwhelming symptoms are not near what they once were. Cannabis does NOT cure PTSD. It simply helps with the unfriendly symptoms and side effects. I have gone from being on close to fifteen psychiatric “big pharma” medications down to zero. I didn’t see the point of taking Parkinson’s medication for a side effect of the anti-depressant. Not to mention that I wasn’t able to experience emotions in a way to gauge how I was healing. And everything from the waist down was literally dead. If that’s the price you pay for happiness, then I would rather be sad. I still struggle hard sometimes. And that is where working with coach is other beneficial piece to my treatment. If it is not a substance that doesn’t work for you then move on. But don’t demonize this medication for those of us that it helps to ensure survivability. Thanks for reading! Keep moving forward.

“It is irresponsible not to provide the best care we can as a medical community, care that could involve marijuana. We have been terribly and systematically misled for nearly 70 years in the United States, and I apologize for my own role in that.”

-Dr Sanjay Gupta, Neurosurgeon

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Nobody But Me Part 2

“To become authentic we require a thirst for freedom.”

-Don Mateo Sol

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. I love the smell of burning sage. Mentally it somehow provides a bubble that no one’s negativity can penetrate. Even if only for a moment.

I have been shamed by many entities, friends and family for being a lesbian. I have two superhero children that came out of that relationship with their other mom. And my children have also had that held against them as well. Was that selfish of us to bring children into the world knowing that? No. I believe that God saw that we had two children that were absolutely perfect for the situation. We brought those children into the world loving them and wanting to be parents. We have always told them that families look differently with race and gender differences. And is in no way right or wrong. It just is. I’ve also been asked, “Well, what if they come out as bisexual, gay or heaven forbid in a relationship with another race?” My response has always been, “Then what a great and very diverse family they will have to be a part of.” I have told my boys from the beginning, “I will never hold against you who you love. If you can find someone who truly loves you for who you are and respects you, go for it! I will have a problem if they are abusive buttholes.”


I lost my sanity trying to be what others told me that I should be. And being a part of the LGBTQ+ community oftentimes we are “forced” to make a family outside of our families of origin. Not as a choice but as a necessity. Me and my children have always been seen as less than. We have not been included or have been treated as “sloppy seconds” because of who I loved. And how they were conceived because personal beliefs on the topic.


I have watched people through the presidential election and the horrible crimes of P. Diddy destroy relationships. One thing I’ve learned is that I’m not going to agree with you and you will not agree with me. So, what’s the point of arguing just for the sake of arguing? However, what I have made abundantly clear is that if you see something done that’s illegal or wrong and don’t speak out, then you’re just as guilty. I have learned some very difficult lessons about being scared into silence. My life has been largely influenced by narcissists. And the only title that fits perfectly is “emotional vampires” and “masters of deception.” The narcissist that I was enslaved by always called himself “a local celebrity.” To put it very bluntly, these kind of people are very scary. And cause colossal damage to their victims.

It doesn’t matter if you’re from a small town, politician or celebrity. Wrong is wrong. I can spot a narcissist a mile away. And there is no place in a society that harbors these type of criminals that often operate in the shadows. Just because you don’t see them in this role, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t happen. They are more concerned with their image than your well-being. If you’re operating openly then I have even less respect for those individuals. That just tells me that you’re even more dangerous. The commonality between narcissists is the fact that their egos are much bigger and stands out from others. They feel that they are untouchable. And they also believe that money, popularity, fame and scare tactics keep them safe from others that oppose their stance. They are the “god” of their own universe. I have also had family members that are narcissists. Most don’t change because they don’t see themselves as doing anything wrong. The ones that do change only do so because of “scared straight” tactics. And the only thing you can do is keep your emotional distance.

The abuse, for me, only got worse when the doors were closed. If this doesn’t fit your opinions, then take what you can use and leave the rest. It’s the beauty of living in a “free society.” I speak only MY truth. And pain changes people. I’m not here to coddle anyone’s delicate feelings.


When I was a child, a teacher was allowed to unmercifully abuse me. Yes “ALLOWED!” I spoke with school administrators 20+ years later only to be told that they knew the abuse was going on but they couldn’t do anything about it. Let that sink in for a minute. They knew that a child was being abused and did nothing about it. I fought adults on my own. Not one adult stepped forward and said, “This is wrong! She’s a child and you’re committing crimes!” GUITY! GUILTY! GUILTY!


Granted the science about childhood trauma and its effects on adulthood functionality was in its infancy at the time. Unfortunately, I am only one of millions of adult children who now know the harsh realities of just how deeply abuse can effect someone. In this day and age, ignorance can no longer be used as an excuse. Science is everywhere. And so is the research and studied outcomes of how negatively shaming affects a person’s entire being.

I don’t try and paint life and this world as a beautiful oasis where nothing goes wrong. I don’t tell my kids many specifics about my trauma history. But make no mistake they know who “the mean man” is. And they know about that mean teacher that locked me in a closet. They also know, see and experience what it’s like to watch their mom struggle from the consequences of abuse. And also what can happen to another person when we don’t find a way to heal our own wounds. And if that makes me a bad parent because they are prepared for the difficulties of life, then so be it. I used to have a real complex about having a mental illness that is trauma induced. But then I realized that what I saw when I looked the eyes of my children was that I was raising advocates.


As a parent, my job is to protect my children as much as I possibly can. That does not mean smothering them with my own personal beliefs. We are to teach them how to think. Not what to think. Teach them how to make educated decisions. And sometimes allowing them that freedom is very difficult knowing that there is a great potential for growing pains. We learn through our mistakes or we don’t.


I allow my children to make their own decisions within reason. I tell them, “Here are your choices. Whatever your decision is comes with either positive or negative consequences. Make your decision.” When they come to Camp Frat Pad I tell them both, “If you want to stay up all night that’s fine. But, if you’re a butthole tomorrow you will get in trouble.” Both boys go to bed at a decent hour most of the time. I also allow them to have the freedom to dress and cut or not cut their hair anyway they want. All in an effort to assert their individuality.


That’s a dream that I wished I had been allowed to live. My individuality always seemed to have some type of constraints. I’m not the kind of person that conforms to social “norms.” I am very ok with who I am. And the more you try to force your hand and make me conform, the more I rebel. I will also not be a part of sitting idly by and watching my children be treated differently because they come from a minority family. How can I expect them to stand up for other individuals’s differences if I don’t stand up for them? I have watched many people claim that they’re one way. Then tuck tail and run when it comes to the statement that is not popular among others in their peer group. I’ve watched that many times. And those people will not admit to any wrong doing. They just want only you to change. I don’t need to change that part of me. I have no problem being gay.

I will not ever silence MY truth because of someone else’s uncomfortability ever again. My children are watching me to see if I am who I say I am. And that I am. Nothing more, nothing less. And I make absolutely no apologies for being authentic. Because I can’t be nobody but me!


“If you want to know where to find your contribution to the world, look at your wounds. When you learn how to heal them, teach others.”

-Emily Maroutian

***”Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

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darnold1975

Nobody But Me Part 1


“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make everybody else-means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting; and never stop fighting. Stay true to yourself, yet always be open to learning.”
-E.E. Cummings, A Poet’s Advice to Students


Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away! Ok that feels much better. This is a blog that I’ve been wanting to write for some time. For the last couple of months, I have been in a depression that has been absolutely debilitating. Maybe it’s been due to the stress of recent surgeries. Or maybe it’s been a combination of that and coming off all of my psych meds. Yes, you heard that correctly. I am now off of my meds and the mood swing has snapped! Run! Right or wrong. I took myself off in a rather drastic way. When I get an idea in my head that I’m going to do something, write it down. It will get done. Now I don’t advise coming off psych meds all at once. However, I wanted it done immediately. So, I put myself through absolute hell. I was so sick physically that coming off heroin would’ve been easier. Nevertheless, It’s finally over. And things mentally and physically have come alive again. And I do mean everything.


I remember looking at myself in a mirror saying, “Well hey you! Where have you been?” I don’t have any problems with the idea of antidepressants or any other type of psychiatric meds. For me, though, I was tired of taking them and constantly having to worry about copays to community mental health providers that I truly didn’t have the extra money to afford. I have also been on the state’s cannabis program for a couple of years with the goal of one day coming off those other meds. I’m just too impatient to go through the slow process of convincing professionals to continue tapering. And being that I’m a “street pharmacist”, I just decided to do it myself. I still struggle with severe insomnia that has somewhat plateaued at the moment. My cannabis spreadsheet is finally complete! Which means that I now tailor my “green meds” to what I need. Instead of also having to factor in traditional meds and their side effects. This might not work for everyone. So, do you boo-boo.


What this has also done is find the backbone that I knew I once had. Antidepressants make you much more tolerant of criticisms and everyday frustrations. Now I just smoke a bowl or do a few dabs and it does the same thing instantly. One thing that I’m constantly having to adjust is medication for pain management. That, in itself, has been quite the adjustment.

Doctors, no matter the issues, are just not willing to help with pain management enough to help keep people comfortable. I didn’t say keep them high or addicted. With “Big Pharma”, though, that’s how they line their pockets.

While living in New Mexico and Texas, my lack of pain management led me straight back to the streets. And that always leads to either jails, rehabs or the grave. There’s just too much Fentanyl out there for my comfort level. I can honestly say that being on the cannabis program previously and now that my addiction issues have not reared their ugly heads in this area of my life. Trust me, when addiction wants to take me, I go seemingly very willingly. In other areas of my life I am still in the grasp of addiction. Regardless, life continues to be brutal. And parenting doesn’t get easier either. It just has new challenges.


In therapy, everything ebbs and flows. Sometimes it’s easier than others. And sometimes you seem to plateau. Recently, I have had my most painful trauma hit me at my weakest point. I was literally awake for five days and crazy as hell. I know what a fabulous time to abandon medication and its requirements. I have always taken the difficult road in life that this time was no different. Dangerous? Probably. To me, doing things safely just takes way too long. And I’m not willing to wait.


I have always been a people pleaser. I have done what others wanted regardless of what I wanted to do. I felt that I have always needed to somehow strive for perfection that could never be attained. I’ve always tried to be for others, losing the vision for who and what I’ve wanted and needed to be. I’ve attempted to be straight knowing full well that I’m not. I have dressed in ways others wanted me to. Acted in ways expected of me. I kept my hair cut in ways to only pacify others. And I lost myself in the process.


I won’t ever say that “coming out” has been an easy process. It’s very different for every person. It’s probably the most difficult process I’ve ever had to go through. And more painful than you can imagine. Think about this for a second. If you wake up in the morning as someone who is sexually “heterosexual”, imagine what you would do if someone told you, “No, you must be gay.” You can try and do your best to be gay. You might even speak the lingo. But in your heart, you have always been straight. You just can’t be gay no matter what you are told or what you are shamed for. So, one day you just stand up and say, “I don’t care what gender you think that I should be with. I’m not nor have I ever been gay!” Imagine how freeing that would feel, for once in your life, to be who you know that you are. If you can’t comprehend a scenario like this then be glad you can’t.

It’s kind of like individuals who don’t understand why the LGBTQ+ community has gay pride celebrations. How many times have I heard the comments like, “Well we(straight) don’t have “straight pride” celebrations.” The Stonewall Riots were not about having “Straight Pride.” They were about the freedom of being a member of the LGBT community without the fear of being arrested. The idea of “straight pride” is ignorant. And you will look stupid trying to argue that point. So don’t get jealous every year when June rolls around and all of the rainbows, glitter, unicorns and individual pride colors come out and the LGBTQ+ communities are beautiful and flamboyant. Be glad that you don’t have a reason to celebrate “Straight Pride.”

I “came out” in my 30’s as gay. This has presented many problems including lost relationships, shunning by family members and loss of jobs. The list goes on and on. And so do the whispers and backbiting. As scared as I was to make that step forward, I did it! And I have NEVER regretted my decision a day since. I finally stood up and proclaimed who I am! People will call you all kinds of names. It’s the ones you answer to that counts!


“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”
-Brene Brown

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

The Pain That Never Ends: The Final Chapter

 “Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”

—Mary Anne Radmacher

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away! I never thought that I would ever see the end to this set of blog posts. With it being such an incredibly difficult topic, I chose to take my time and release anything I needed no matter the pain.

Fast forward to 2012. I eventually underwent a total knee replacement in my thirties. It was the most excruciating pain imaginable. The care I received from my orthopedic surgeon’s nurse practitioner mentally transported me back to the days and specific events associated with my ex-husband. The flashbacks were unsettling.  I would be ridiculed for crying again, this time by a medical professional. I vowed to avoid doctors for the rest of my life whenever possible. I wish I could say that I would not be treated that way in the medical community again. However, this has occurred repeatedly.

I was so upset at an urgent care facility that I accidentally wet myself. The practitioner made fun of me yet again.  I believe that in various areas of education, when the topic of “transference” is discussed, the idea is often conveyed in a manner that causes students to negate the humanity of themselves and others. They often lose sight of the Hippocratic Oath, which states, “First, do no harm.”  

In the United States, from 2003 to 2014, 8.8% of approximately 120,000 suicide victims have chronic pain. And has appeared to increase over time (Petrosky et al.,2018)

Within the last ten to fifteen years, I’ve also had neck surgery, two back surgeries, gall bladder surgery, trigeminal neuralgia known as the “Suicide Disease”, elbow surgery, a hysterectomy, spinal cord stimulator, left knee bone graft where I also had blood clots in both my leg and lungs. Additionally, I experienced COVID-19 several times while simultaneously being dealt another blood clot in my lungs. I now also have asthma as a result of contracting the virus.

Within the past year, the local orthopedic facility has seen me many times. Each time I consulted various practitioners, they consistently informed me that there was nothing wrong with me. But I was determined to be the squeaky wheel until I found help. I was compelled to seek practitioners in a different state.  Through my tears, I have persistently sought answers for my pain with the guidance of my dear “coach.” The suicidal ideations have been continual while going through this long, arduous process. A portion of the PTSD I experience is related to these and other situations. And to think, it was entirely preventable. This is one of my favorite quotes that pertains to this very topic is..

“If you don’t heal what hurts, you’ll bleed on those that didn’t cut you.”

-Anonymous

I am also about to undergo my thirteenth knee surgery. It is a revision surgery for knee replacement in which the prosthetic is loosening from the bone. This means that It has to be removed and another one installed. I have received only thirteen of the thirty years that would provide me relief. .  I am now absolutely terrified of going through this surgery again. The physical therapy will be challenging, and I will likely cry during every session as well. 

Needless to say, pain is a significant trigger for me. It elicits a variety of reactions, both visible and invisible.  I have also come to realize that Dissociative Identity Disorder may not respond well to anesthesia either. I have been trapped in a mental prison, and chained to each of my perpetrators. But I must honestly say that it was all an illusion.  What I have come to realize through many years of abuse is, “YOU CANNOT, IN ANY WAY, OWN OR POSSESS A CHILD OF GOD!” That was his disillusionment.

“Anyone can hide. Facing up to things, working through them, that’s what makes you strong.” —Sarah Dessen

**And as always, don’t forget to watch the video below!**

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darnold1975

The Pain That Never Ends Pt. 3

“The more you trust your intuition, the more empowered you become, the stronger you become, and the happier you will become.”

-Gisele Bundchen

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy, go away! Ready. Set. Blog! I hope this blog has brought insight and the knowledge that you are not alone. And that just because someone can’t see your emotional wounds doesn’t mean that it’s not there.

While he psychologically manipulated me, I hung on his every word as if it were scripture.  I accept full responsibility for all my actions. But the situation seemed to be escalating exponentially. We married four years later. I do not distinctly remember feeling genuinely happy about it. I just thought that marrying was the next logical step. I remember thinking “no wonder people are miserable when they’re married.” Secretly, though, I was terrified that I was making the biggest mistake of my life. And that is exactly what I did. Nevertheless, we were soon legal. I saw flashing signs warning of potential danger ahead. But I was steadfast in my determination to make it all work. 

My belief, at that time, was to just to try and love him. I eventually realized that I would never be able to get that close to him. Soon, though, everything was beginning to make sense. His ever-increasing controlling traits were only getting more aggressive. He would call me names. He would humiliate me away from others until it became overtly obvious. I thought, “Why was seeing it all so foreign? I wouldn’t understand for several years later. The reason that it was so foreign was because I had never seen my daddy treat my mom that way. My daddy is one of respectable men in the community. And I never once saw him disrespect my mom even one time. I was looking for a good man just as he had always been. Not one angry word or action had I ever seen.

He made me do things without my consent. Turn on for him, maybe? I was secretly so miserable. He would rape my mind just like he would my body. He belittled me, stalked me, had total control over what I ate. I felt like it was a prison.I was told that I was stupid so many times I no longer feel as sting when I’m degraded. I bought into all this “perfect” life he was selling. Hook, line and sinker. I soon realized that the safest thing to do was to just do whatever he asked to get through the moment. I had become his emotional punching bag. I was also systematically being pulled away from family and friends. He was going to slowly transform me into his image of “perfection.” And no matter what I did, I would never I couldn’t achieve that unattainable goal. When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, they see theirselves as “The” God of universe. They never see any need for improvement in any way. Because the only one who needs improvement is you. There was absolutely “zero” concern for both my physical and mental wellbeing.

The initial injury compromised the blood supply to the lower portion of my femur. When I begin to regenerate new bone, it would flake off fragments that needed to be surgically removed to ensure proper functionality. Due to my delay in seeking medical attention, the bony structures continued to shred the cartilage, resulting in further damage to the entire joint. That made him very angry. 

There were no words of encouragement or empathy. Just incessant berating for something that I couldn’t control. He wasn’t much of a cuddler either. And after 14 years of abuse, neither was I.  If he did there were always ulterior motives. I can vividly recall crying when I was out of his sight, as the pain was so intense. The intensity of crying heightened every situation. Until I learned how not to cry. I was never allowed to take mood stabilizers or antidepressants because “what would people think if they found out that his wife was a head case?” To make matters worse, he would get so angry that he took my pains meds and threw them out into the rain. And I was not allowed to retrieve them.  My mom was standing right there and witness it all.

I also experienced severe kidney and bladder infections. I had fevers, hematuria, nausea, and vomiting. It was extremely painful. When he finally took me to an urgent care facility, we were informed that I was at a high risk of developing sepsis. He stated in front of the nurse and doctors, “I told her that she needed to be seen sooner, but she did not want to get checked out.” He then said, “I suppose you won’t do that again next time will you?” I accepted responsibility once more while knowing that the real reason for the delay was because I wasn’t being allowed to get the help. 

Things were getting scarier by the day. I was stalked, raped, verbally and mentally abused. I knew how to do one thing that had helped me in the past. Mentally just go to some other place. And let someone else fill in to help with this monumental task. I was made fun of anytime I hurt. I was called a hypochondriac. And eventually I was told that my medical needs were too costly, and that I would just have to learn to deal with the pain. Specifically, I still needed more knee surgeries and procedures for simple wellness. And once again I endured pain in every kind of way you can imagine.

In the end, I lacked self-confidence in myself and was completely shattered mentally. It was fortunate that I left on my own. And I did it and came out alive. The abuse and manipulation I endured over the course of 14 years left me with nothing positive. I realized that I had lost “me” in the process. And I still struggle with my daily life. Let’s just say that relationships are not things that I excel in. 

I developed an incredibly high tolerance for pain. However, when I reach my limit, I take a sharp left at a “normal” reaction. My traumatic response is instantaneous. I am very apprehensive about visiting doctors. And it terrifies me to think that I could be berated again.

Maybe life isn’t about avoiding the bruises. Maybe it’s about collecting the scars to prove that we showed up for it.”

-Hannah Brencher

**And as always, don’t forget to watch the video below!**

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darnold1975

The Pain That Never Ends 2

“Triggers are like little psychic explosions that crash through avoidance and bring the dissociated, avoided trauma suddenly, unexpectedly, back into consciousness.”

-Carolyn Spring

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy, go away! Ready. Set. Blog! Get comfortable because you need to finish reading this one. This took a few days to complete this blog. There is still a considerable amount of raw emotion associated with this topic. Okay, I will continue from where I left off.

When I encountered my next predator, I was 17 years old. He was 36 years old. He was nineteen years my senior. I acknowledge that the entire situation was chaotic at that time. Unfortunately, that chaos became the norm. I realized that I became terrified in the idea that when there was not chaos, I was terrified.  I was suddenly thrust headfirst into a harsh adult world for which I was unprepared. It was received like a “turd in the punch bowl.” 

Living in a small southern city in the “Bible Belt” region of Mississippi entails a unique set of rules. To put it bluntly, “Being gay should never be regarded as an accepted option.” You are expected to graduate from high school. Attend college. Consider marrying someone of the opposite sex. And to pursue careers while raising children.

I had no idea that my life would drastic 360 degree turn. I would endure a 14-year reign of severe and traumatic terror. What I did not realize as a teenager was that predators can take on various forms, each uniquely individualized. I believed he was my “Prince Charming.” However, every day I looked into the eyes the devil. I entered that relationship with a deep sense of commitment. I was also trying to engage in the “heterosexual game.” And I realized that I was different.

 In the beginning, he had been a man with a silver tongue. He said all the right things, leading me to believe that he was a good man who genuinely wanted to love me and build a life together. That was undoubtedly the most misleading revelation of the truth. As he stated, “I was roaming the high schools looking for a wife.”  Why did I not find that creepy? Since then, I have asked myself that same question every day thereafter. But what was done, was in fact done. 

When I was an athlete, you recognize that pain is an essential component of your training regimen. It is an undeniable reality that managing pain is an inherent aspect of life. You consistently challenge your body in ways you never thought possible. Being in an abusive situation is fundamentally different.

 In the four years that we dated, I remember thinking, “Something doesn’t seem right.” I couldn’t identify exactly what “it” was at the time. But I soon realized the harsh reality. I began to realize elements of his likewise traumatic past. Living with a very controlling and abusive father I heard his horror stories. And until his father died, I can tell you that there was some part of him that still feared his father. An interesting fact was that prior to going to visit his father I was directed about how to act. I was so uncomfortable each time. I would watch and listen to how they would interact. And the stories that they both told had a lot of similarities. This was just paranoia, right? No. There were reasons to be paranoid and scared. And I was.

“Your gut knows what’s up, even if your brain doesn’t want to admit it.”-

-Anonymous

**And also don’t forget to watch the video below!”

 

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darnold1975

The Pain That Never Ends

“Living with chronic pain is like trying to get comfortable on a cactus sofa.”

-Sean Mackey, Professor of Pain Medicine at Stanford

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away! Ready. Set. Blog! This is a blog that I’ve needed to write for a really long time. The topic of chronic pain affects every area of my life.

I feel that having both mental and physical pain is too much to ask of a person. I’m not talking about the aches and pains of aging. If that were the type of pain that I experience, I would have no reason to complain. My pain started as a young child with horrific leg pain that would have me in tears. I vividly remember my parents rubbing my legs complimented with a heating pad in order for the tears to stop falling just long enough to fall asleep. And there were no guarantee that I wouldn’t wake up during the night in the same miserable condition. The pediatrician said that the pain was simply “growing pains.”  Could this physical pain have been a result of the trauma that I was experiencing? Maybe. Eventually, I would seem to outgrow the leg pains. In the late 1970’s and early 1980’s maybe there were no other answers. And I can accept that. Subconsciously, no one believed me because the depth of my pain couldn’t be seen. However, the mark that was left on the psyche of a small child is one that has left a permanent mental disfigurement.

The next time I remember pain being an issue was as a 13-year-old. The traumatic situations that were occurring left me with horrible headaches. It was at the time that I began having suicidal ideations. The one consistent message coming from my “loud thoughts” was that I wasn’t worthy was unworthy of life. The trauma of that year continues to pound the same messages in my daily life. I just couldn’t see a way out in any direction. It was one agonizing day after another for an entire year. And again, no one believed me. I would also suffer a kneeinjury that I’ve never been about to truly recover from. I’m still dealing with it now in my late forties. When you abuse a child mentally, it’s so easy for them to believe it. To deal with it all, I began “grasping at straws” trying to find 5 minutes of relief. And I did! I found drugs, alcohol, eating disorders and self-harm.

Then I moved into high school. But the previous year continued to torment me. Not only was I caught up in the cycle of addiction, but I was also starting to die from them all. Anyone who says that addiction isn’t painful are lying. It doesn’t matter what type of addiction. It might not seem to hurt in the moment. However, if you are a human being with a conscience, it will hurt at some point. And when it did, I kept using “it” out of guilt and shame. My hopes and dreams were going down the drain. And I had no idea how to make it all stop. I wasn’t my own boss anymore. It was my boss. I would also have another knee surgery, maybe two. And then, I met him…

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.”

-Anne Lamott, author and writing teacher

***Don’t forget to watch the video below! ***

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darnold1975

My Name Is Chronic Pain

 

I wake you every morning,

And kiss your nighty night.

Never bringing hope for tomorrow,

And you ask god to take your life.

 

If only they could see me and have evidence that I’m here

Maybe you could plan for the future.

But right now, you don’t care.

 

You have it all on the outside plus,

two precious little boys.

But you can’t have fun and enjoy them,

Only watch and hear their noise.

 

I’m buried in your bones,

nerves and muscles too.

No one can hear your cries.

What are you supposed to do?

 

Was it my own doing?

Or someone’s evil deeds?

I take every ounce of energy you have.

Until you’re on your knees.

 

“God where are you?” you scream feeling trapped and all alone.

 You can’t enjoy your simple life,

Inside four walls you call your home.

 

We don’t see anything wrong,

Your X-rays they look alright.

But just in case you start to hurt,

Take Advil and use a pack of ice.

 

Again, I have hidden from them,

and there’s nothing they can see.

You feel you have no other way,

trapped and inside you grit your teeth.

 

“Get up! And Move around,” they say,

And this treadmill will be the key.

 But the only activity that you can do,

 are rolling down your cheeks.

For to Drain the life is the final choice

the only path for relief.

You’ve done the best you could do,

As a group referred to as “we.”

 

It is hell inside your body though no one else can see.

Doctors couldn’t help you and silenced are the pleads.

The boys always wonder why momma doesn’t play.

You smiled and made them laugh, as long as you could stay.

 

They say you’re selfish while your color is turning increasingly blue. 

But I’m too strong and you did the best that you could do.

Theres no way for you to understand the battle of every

 day.

You have become trapped within a cell that hurts more even if you pray.

 

I pose this question to you all, “What if it was you?”

How long would you live in a mental and physical hell? And what would you do?

 

But I’m still here forever,

just like an ugly stain.

Let me introduce myself.

My name is CHRONIC PAIN.

**Don’t forget the video below!**

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