This Puzzled Life is a mental health and recovery blog exploring addiction, trauma healing, LGBTQ experiences, humor, and the strange moments that shape us.
“Life deals you a lot of lessons. Some people learn from it. Some people don’t.”
-Brett Farve
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away! Now that the 420 festivities are over with, I can really take the time to look at everything that Snoop the Weedster Bunny put in my stash basket. And all the wonderful goodies have clearly aimed to please. One of the new local strains that Snoop brought to me was called Brett Farve!
This is a local novelty strain named after the hall of fame quarterback Brett Farve. And yes, he is considered a hometown legend. This little beauty is made by a company called Gruv. Genetics are unknown to the public at this time. However, I can promise you that this strain will remain in my top five strains for eternity. It is estimated that the actual strain name is Scandalous OG. And a sub-strain of the OG Kush lineage.
With the guesstimated strain name, there’s are a few things that I knew about the strain without knowing the definite genetics. This strain has a very instant and dank fuel, diesel aroma. Also, the OG strains are typically indica dominant whether it’s a hybrid or straight indica. The taste, however, isn’t as heavy with the fuel as the smell. Your first taste is heavy, green, terpy taste. And then it hits the back of your throat with a scratchy, pepper taste. When it hits your body, fall into the cloud. Huge bong rips will leave you paralyzed with “couch lock.”
This strain hits at a whopping 30%. And let me tell you, this strain will not disappoint. I began getting pain relief almost instantly. This is definitely not a fruity strain. It has some true dank appeal to my tastebuds. I also don’t detect any type of skunkiness. With Brett Farve being diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease, this is a strain that reminds me a lot of him. It’s “tough as nails” in potency and terpenes at 4%. Top terpenes are Limonene, trans-Caryophyllene and a-Humulene. The heavy pain and stress relieving qualities combo is one that Brett could receive much benefit. Health benefits from medical cannabis with Parkinson’s patients by improving both motor symptoms and non-motor symptoms such as: bradykinesia, rigidity, tremor, sleep and pain.
I realized that this new company took a lot of risks just getting into the cannabis industry with this “hail mary” of a strain. It was a total touchdown in my book! The novelty stain name will be enticing for Hattiesburg, MS area medical patients who remember watching Brett Farve when he played at the University of Southern Mississippi. But the strain creation was a completed pass! And I look forward to more that this company has to offer. Thanks for reading! Keep it Green!
Affirmation: I have the right to choose healthcare that is best for me.
“Happy 420 Eve to those who celebrate. Don’t forget to leave your grinders out before bed so that Snoop Dogg can come down your chimney and roll you a joint.”
-Morganwizard
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Happy 420 Eve! Today is all about wrapping up preparations for 420. I hope you’ve got all your products bought and ready. I know that I’m ready and waiting for my own visit from Snoop Dogg. And I’ll definitely have some of his songs on my playlist waiting in tow.
If you haven’t already bought your cannabis for 420, you have a few more hours for some last minute shopping adventures. Most dispensaries have already been in full swing with sales for the last couple of weeks. And by now their products have been picked over. But someone will always have cannabis products readily available.
I have my concentrates ready for my hourly hard hitting dabs. I’m loving my song selections. Food and friends are lined up. Movies have been selected. Pipes are cleaned. Strains have been selected. Grinders are cleaned and ready for action. And so are my silicone dabbing set resembling a nectar collector. And there is always a copy of High Times Magazine to enjoy some much needed reading on product and strain reviews. Even if they are from several years back. I am beyond excited! If you cannot attend a cannabis smoke out event, creating your own 420 at home can be just as enjoyable. And I am lit already!
Some of my personal favorite strains are Mike Tyson’s Knockout, Apple Tart and Comatose. They are fire! Don’t let these names fool you. These strains are very strong. And are topping out in the 25-30% THC. For my concentration, Ole Bliss budder is a favorite as well as some unhinged shatter. There is only one more celebration that takes precedence over this day for me. Gay Pride! I’ll also be celebrating Pride with some pride worthy strain names. That will be revealed later. A close third place is 710 which is the day that we as concentrate users (“oil heads”) dab all day long.
As I prepare for Santa Snoop, I lay out a blunt wrap, rolling papers or a cone. Some concentrate to be mixed in with flowers or to smear on a blunt wrap. And it will all be rolled into one luxurious and very strong blunt that will have you forgetting where to find the cheetos and how to get there. This year 420 falls on Easter. I will eat one boiled egg. And then hide my painted red potatoes for the easter potato hunt. The reason I’m using potatoes is because I can’t afford an entire dozen eggs anymore. And I will thank Jesus once again for this beautiful plant and the bounty before me.
Whatever you choose to do for 420, make it a special event where everyone who’s invited is able to chill and be happy along with you. If you are alone, “Do you boo-boo!” Because I will certainly be doing me. I will be posting pictures on both my This Puzzled Life Facebook, Instagram, Bluesky, and Tumblr accounts. If you want, subscribe to this blog and follow me on those accounts so that you never miss a blog that I post. Now I am going to spend a little time with Snoop Dogg and Willie Nelson. Happy 420 Eve Everyone!
“If you ever miss 4:20, just wait until 4:22. Because 4:22 is 4:20, too.”
“A friend with weed is a friend indeed. A friend who shares is a friend who cares.”
-Unknown
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Okie dokie! I’ve provided some information on basic things that need to be considered before using cannabis products. As time keeps creeping closer to 420, I thought that I would explain one more thing, smoking etiquette.
Some people have no idea that there is a certain way to conduct your smoking sesh with friends. If you are by yourself, then do what you want. The last thing you want, though, is to be smoking at someone else’s house because of an invite and be the only one in the sesh who doesn’t know what they’re doing. The invite is ruined and you probably won’t get another one. You don’t have to be perfect. Just know the basics and you’ll pick up on the rest.
The main thing to remember is that the sesh is about respect, consideration, and ensuring that everyone has a good time.
Be warm and welcoming. Respect people’s boundaries. Do NOT pressure anyone who does not want to participate. Do NOT blow smoke in someone’s face or on pets. That is being an asshole. And I would kick you out of my circle.
Make sure your equipment is clean and so are your surroundings. No one wants to smoke out of a crusty bong with stale water. If using glass mix some 90% alcohol with salt. The salt will act as a scrubber to get the crusties and resin off. If you are using a pipe or silicone, leave it in the alcohol for about 10 minutes. Then use a toothbrush to get off the remaining residue. You might have to do this again during the sesh depending on how thick the resin gets while smoking.
Always contribute to the mix. Take cannabis with you and give it to the person who’s running the circle. You don’t have to bring a bunch. Just bring something. Or ask to help provide drinks and snacks. Those munchies are angry little beasts that demand to be fed.
Inform other participants the name of the strain you brought. It’s just a common courtesy to let someone know what they’re consuming.
Respect the roller or packer. Do NOT criticize what the results of their rolling looks like. You were invited and can be uninvited really quickly.
Do Not smoke or allow someone to smoke when they are sick. No one wants germs.
Do Not stick the joint or blunt far in your mouth. You are there to smoke it, not make out with it.
The term “Puff, Puff, Pass” actually has meaning. Take two puffs and pass in the direction of the circle. No one in the circle likes a smoker who bogarts. Plus, the circle moves harmoniously.
“Being misunderstood doesn’t mean you’re the issue…sometimes it’s the societal lens that needs cleaning.”
-Bob Marley
If you are passing a bowl, DO NOT light the entire bowl like when you are at home. Everyone enjoys tasting the fresh green. Light only small corners or areas.
Regardless of what friend’s house you might go to, respect their property and other family members. You are the guest, not the warden or at a frat party. If they ask you not to smoke in certain areas, respect their wishes. If they have small children or a spouse that is sleeping, be mindful of noise levels.
If you are a new smoker, know your limit. If you tell them that you want to take a break. Anyone who knows etiquette, will respect your decisions without badgering you. Plus, no one wants a slobbering idiot who overindulges.
And last but not least, always pass to the left. It’s just a stoner’s tradition.
I hope that you now feel a little more prepared for the glorious day of 4/20. Cannabis is about being chill. It’s not about creating unnecessary, alcohol induced “redneck drama”. Laugh and have fun. But don’t get ridiculous. Some of these very simple reminders can make the smoke sesh so much more enjoyable. And they’ll want to invite you back. The countdown to 4/20 is on! Thanks for reading!
“Society has unfairly labeled stoners without understanding the depth behind the smoke.”
“Edibles kick in when they hear you talking crap about them.”
-Unknown
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about another type of cannabis product known as edibles. The quote I picked describes exactly what my first experience with edibles was like. I’ll explain what edibles are and then tell you the story.
Edibles themselves are just food or other consumable products infused with cannabis. The way that this happens is that cannabis has to be heated to a temperature that releases the THC and other cannabinoids. And they also must have a binding agent that is typically done with butane, alcohol, oil or butter. And then the resulting product can be incorporated into just about any type of products like brownies, gummies, beverages or favorite dessert. The information to remember is that edibles take much longer to begin working, somewhere between 2-3 hours. Unless eaten on an empty stomach which will cause them to take effect at around 45 minutes. The effects last much longer than smoking. This is where people tend to ingest too much. Because they think that the product is not working. It takes longer to go through the digestive system and then into the bloodstream.
The only frame of reference I had about weed was the kind that I smoked occasionally in high school. And it wasn’t good and clean. It was junk. But, it was all I had. Where some of my classmate’s mom would make “party” brownies, I was never around them to experience that.
While I was living in Albuquerque I got my first medical marijuana card. I got comfortable smoking the flower and headed in the direction of edibles. I saw on the dispensary menu that trail mix was available. I didn’t ask questions. I just bought it and took it home. We were taking Marshall to a pumpkin patch that would be an all day event. And I knew with my PTSD that the process would be very stressful for me. We begin getting ready and I start eating the food. I thought that you were supposed to eat the entire thing. So I did.
We needed to stop by Dollar Tree for a couple of things. I dropped Mel off while I waited in the car with Marshall. I didn’t have a whole lot of faith that the edible would work. It had been about an hours since I had eaten it on an empty stomach. By the time Mel finished shopping and came back to our vehicle, I told her, “Oh shit! Mel something is wrong!” Surprised that I was upset, she said, “What’s the matter?” I said, “I can’t feel my butt.” She asked, “Can you drive?” I told her, “Ummm..HELL NO!” I kept getting higher and higher. And then I got scared. The level of anxiety was “out of this world.” I knew one thing for sure, that experimental day would be one where a hard lesson would be learned. All I could do was think. But, I couldn’t seem to form many sentences. And walking didn’t even feel normal.
I began praying to the cannabis gods for mercy. And they didn’t seem to listen. I spent the entire day and evening lit as hell. For sixteen hours, I was higher than I have ever been. I didn’t get sick in any way. But I had to endure that horrible mistake. I went back to the dispensary the following Monday and told them what had happened. They chuckled and said, “You’re not supposed to eat the entire thing in one sitting.” I said, “Well it was only about ½ cup of the mixture.” They told me, “That was made with a concentrated cannabis oil that was infused in the trail mix.” I told them, “Ok. Well lesson learned.” and I left. Needless to say, I have never done that since.
If you over smoke or over dab you can recline your chair, and within about 45 minutes to a couple of hours, you come back down to earth. However, if you overdo it with an edible, you are just at its mercy. You cannot interrupt the process in any way. I say this so that you don’t make the same mistake. I have seen people eat two or three edibles at a time and I just look at them like they have lost their minds. I would tell them, “You’re going to regret doing that.” And sure enough, right after they talk crap about not feeling anything, they get so high that the experience becomes a miserable existence.
I had Irritable Bowel Syndrome, at the time, which is miserable in any respect. Every morning I would eat about a fourth of an edible, as a part of my regimen, and the symptoms were almost non-existent. I continued doing this for the next two years. And I haven’t had any symptoms of IBS since. I no longer take any kind of medication for that issue. My IBS is gone.
The drawback to using edibles is that they can spoil. So if it’s not a product that you can freeze and will end up going bad before you’re able to eat them, then you can potentially lose a lot of money. Products like gummies have a much longer shelf life. Some people don’t like smoking or have lung issues that prevent them from being able to smoke. And for those that have digestive problems, I have found that smoking really isn’t a good way to manage symptoms. Edibles are powerful and coat the digestive tract and they work! Just do them in moderation.
There are all types of different products including colas, gums, chocolates, hard candies and ice cream. The cannabis taste is the terpenes in the product. Since I am very sensitive to tastes, I tend to go with edibles with a much milder taste. One of the best items to use is cannabis butter which can be added to just about any meal. Mel would make red bean and rice and then add about a teaspoon of cannabis butter to my portion. And trust me that is all you need. Not a tablespoon.
If you want a nice peaceful rest for nighttime,get you some cannabis butter that is heavily infused with indica strains. You will rest and be almost pain free. If you still don’t like that option because of the high feeling, then opt for cannabis butter that is infused with high CBD, low THC strains.
Gummies are usually sold as 10 mg pieces. There are typically about 10 pieces to a pack. And to begin with you can get pretty lit on the dosage. You don’t have to get the 500mg candies that you see people eating on social media. They are idiots. But to each his own, right? There are so many flavors and foods that are available. Try as many different ones as you can and enjoy the ride!
I hope this blog has provided you with some information that can help you make informed decisions regarding these types of products. Thanks for reading! Keep up the blazing!
“It really puzzles me to see marijuana connected with narcotics, dope, and all of that stuff. It is a thousand times better than whiskey. It is an assistant and a friend.”
-Louis Armstrong, Musician
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Okie dokie! Today, staying in line with cannabis culture, I want to discuss another form of cannabis that has developed its own subculture in the last decade. It’s the use of concentrates commonly known as “dabbing.” It has become one of the favored ways of using marijuana. And one of my favorites as well.
Concentrates are just concentrated forms of marijuana that can get you very high, very quickly. And if not done correctly, can be a horribly unpleasant experience. When I began using concentrates, it didn’t take long for me to grasp the concept of moderation. I have overdabbed accidently a few times. And oh how I couldn’t wait for my high to come down to a more pleasant level. Concentrates are made in many ways such as: wax, oil, shatter, or budder. They can be consumed by dabbing, vaping, or adding to joints, blunts or bowls.
The extraction methods that gather all of the cannabinoids and terpenes of the plant can be done by:
Solvent based– butane, propane, ethanol or CO2.
Solventless: Pressure, heat, or ice water.
Forms include:
Wax: A waxy, pliable consistency.
Oil: A liquid form commonly used for vape cartridges or edibles.
Shatter: A glass like consistency.
Budder: A whipped or creamy consistency.
Other: hash oil and resin.
Consumption methods:
Dabbing: used with a device called a “dab rig” which vaporizes the concentrate for inhalation.
Vaping: Using a concentrate pen or cartridge sometimes with pre-filled concentrated substances.
Adding to bowls/joints/blunts: Adding a small amount to a bowl of flower or rolling into a joint or a blunt. I personally wouldn’t use these forms on a bowl. It will clog your pipe or bong and you will lose product.
Concentrates have THC percentages that range from 60%-90%. Do you see what I mean? Concentrates are like smoking three joints at one time. And the effects are almost immediate. You can become intoxicated very quickly. And if you do too much, it can leave you very sick. The results are nothing worse than getting too drunk. Complete with nausea, vomiting, sweating and/or bad paranoia. However, if you need a quick delivery versus waiting on the flower to work, this is a highly effective route.
Dabbing is typically used with equipment known as a “dab rig” that requires that you heat a metal or a glass nail and then drop a small amount of the concentrate on the heated surface. It is then vaportized and flows into the maze of the glass until it reaches your mouth for inhalation. I have a silicone dab kit because I have children and cats who do not care about beautiful pieces. And if it gets knocked off there’s no breakage. Dab rigs are typically around $60 to thousands of dollars. They now have dab rigs that have electric nails, called e-rigs, which are in the range from about $100 to several hundreds of dollars. They are safer than using a blow torch to heat up a nail. I’m perfectly happy with my silicone with metal nail and using a blow torch.
Concentrate Vape Pens are also something that I really enjoy using as it’s a more portable way of using in public. It consists of a coil that’s heated by pressing a button after depositing some of your concentrate into the reservoir. This is what I call my “adult binky.” Since I suffer from PTSD, panic attacks and social anxiety, I can take this with me while I run errands. And I put it to good use. It’s also very convenient when going out of town. Before you do that, consider checking into state laws since it’s still not legal nationally. If you are found in possession of concentrates, you can be charged with a felony. To me, personally, it’s worth the risk. Because my quality of life depends on it. I also have a medical cannabis card for the state of Mississippi but is not considered legal in other states without reciprocity. As long as I have my medical card, in this state, and I am not considered impaired, then it is completely legal. For people who live in states where you can buy cannabis recreationally, you cannot be charged with a possession or paraphernalia related to cannabis.
With fentanyl being a major issue, do not take the risk of buying any product from someone on the street, even if they tell you that it was bought at a dispensary. They do not always tell the truth. Even if your friend tells you that they have a friend who bought it at a dispensary. Again, that is probably what was told to them. It doesn’t mean that they verified that information.
When I lived in Texas, I would buy my weed from a guy that I got to know at a doctor’s office. But even then, I didn’t know for sure. I was just so desperate for some type of relief that I didn’t care. And I was willing to gamble with my life despite knowing the dangers.
Do not allow someone to dab you without knowing that they have the respect for you as a beginner. I have been overdabbed and it is not fun. Some people find it quite funny. I do not. Everyone has the right to enjoy the plant, as much as, anyone else. Start slowly and move at your own pace. That one bad experience can take the beauty out of an experience that is supposed to be heavenly. Thanks for reading! And keep dabbing!
“A little dab will do ya!”
-Dana Landrum-Arnold
***Don’t forget to watch the video!***
I was not allowed to upload the video for this post. So, I’ve provided a link instead.
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Okie dokie! As we begin to prepare for the holiday 420 among we marijuana smokers, I thought I would tell you about some of the many, many products that you can use to enjoy the holiday in “HIGH” fashion. This, again, is not a comprehensive list. There are just way too many items to try out. However, this list will definitely get you started on your “to-do list.”
Okay! Let’s begin with the product that most people associate with smoking marijuana, it’s the flower. The term “weed” comes from the plant itself. Because it is “literally” a weed. The difference is known as a strain. And within these strains are the genetics which is the framework that determines the levels of Cannabidiol (CBD) the non-psychoactive substance and Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) the psychoactive substance that gets you high. And are the “sticky icky” substances that look like fine white hairs. I think it’s imperative to tell you that the plant actually produces THCa. But went heated the THCa is converted to THC. The amount of THC in the marijuana of the 1970’s was around 1%-3%. In comparison to today the THC levels, in the flower, range between about 14%-30% on average. That has been my experience. And I have bought and smoked a lot of cannabis in the last 10 years. These levels were probably inconceivable back then. The weed these days needs those levels to help with medical conditions. The higher levels of THC provide relief in particular to chronic pain and insomnia. Not that CBD doesn’t work on its own at some level. The e THC does, in fact, provide so much more relief. There are strains that are genetically developed and cultivated for a higher level of CBD 1;1 ratio. And a lot of the high CBD strains typically have much lower levels of THC. For those who don’t enjoy the feeling of the high, these strains are for you. I will even mix one of these strains in my pipe before I smoke a bowl giving me some additional relief.
Terpenes are the substances in the plant that do not get you high. These are in every plant. However, they do provide a relaxing effect and relieve pain. While also comprising over 30,000 compounds. Terpenes are NOT cannabinoids. But they have the same effect on your endocannabinoid system. They are also partially responsible for the individual tastes of each plant. They also determine, in conjunction, with the plant’s genetics what types of effects that you can likely experience. If you think you can benefit, learn the terpenes and genetics of the strains that you use. I personally have created a spreadsheet of the strains I try. And include a rating system along with the genetics so that I can narrow down which ones work best for me. This will help you navigate the medical part of your cannabis use.
There are 3 different types of cannabis. They are indica, sativa, and hybrids. The indicas will give you a very intense “body high” known as “couch lock.” And this is when you get so high that you might stare in place for several minutes to hours at a time. Usually, meaning that you can’t get off the couch. You want the cheetos but, at the moment, you can’t figure out how to get to them. No worries. It will only last for about 30-45 minutes, depending on how high you are, to drop from the clouds. Then you just re-up and go again. I use strains that are very indica dominant in nature. I am still able to get up and do the things I need to do. But some people cannot. This will also help you determine what you like and don’t like. The medicine of the plant will begin to work continuously. The “high” of the THC will slowly diminish.
Sativas are most closely associated with a very “cerebral” type of high. These are very good if you need an antidepressant. It’s the type of strain where you can still get up and do housework or go back to work. Caution with these as they can increase anxiety. And from personal experience, I have panic attacks just fine without them. I am very sensitive to sativas.
Hybrids are just that: They are a combination of the two types of strains varying in percentages of each. I have found that hybrids are much more readily available than pure indicas. While you can find them, you don’t see them as much. So, in that case, I use an indica-dominant hybrid strain. Each strain has its own goofy name. Don’t let that fool you. It’s still good medicine.
Some people who smoke recreationally are more concerned with the level of THC in a particular strain. And if all you want to do is get “high”, go for it. Medically and psychiatrically, I just need my medicine to work. I have used some 30% THC levels only to be disappointed that my needs were not met. And I have used some at around 15% that have worked just fine. There isn’t a set standard for medical patients. You just have to continue through trial and error to find what you like. I typically have around 10-15 different strains at any given time. So, when I wake up in the morning, I can determine at that time what I will use during the day. And the region of the country that you’re in will differ in strains everywhere you go. I encourage you to try, as many as you can, even on vacation.
Take your time with this process. Don’t’ go too big, too quickly, or you will have a bad experience and put a sour taste in your memory. You won’t die from an overdose. Because that’s not even possible but you’ll wish you did. You would then be cheating yourself out of this beautiful plant experience. Also, if you reach levels of intoxication, be responsible and don’t drive. You will still get a DUI.
If you have a recreational marijuana program in your state go to the dispensaries and talk with a local budtender now. The closer you get to 420 the more the products will disappear or be picked over. Always have a copy of High Times Magazine nearby to keep up with the latest trends in cannabis culture. Smoke a bowl for me! Thanks for reading!
“The illegality of cannabis is outrageous, an impediment of full utilization of a drug which helps produce the serenity and insight, sensitivity, and fellowship so desperately needed in this increasingly mad and dangerous world.”
“I find it quite ironic that the most dangerous thing about weed is getting caught with it.”
-Bill Murray
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go aways. Okie dokie! Today marks my second favorite time of the year. Yep it’s the month of 420! Not everyone agrees with it. For me though, it has saved my life. To the naysayers, there is absolutely nothing you can tell me negatively that I’ll believe about the plant called cannabis.
Cannabis has been around for forever and ever amen with a lot of negative connotations. My own family still takes issue with the fact that federally it’s still considered illegal. And you can’t really have a conversation about it because some of them are not willing to discuss the science. In a lot of ways vilifying this plant because of the Nancy Reagan 80’s seems to have stuck. I have family members that are earthy, crunchy thinkers in regard to health. And their lives all about healing with fruits, vegetables and herbs. But so am I. I like fruits, vegetables and herbs too. I just smoke my herbs. The side effects are very simple: sleepy, happy and hungry. “Big Pharma” on the other hand are constantly being sued for all of the harmful side effects. No thank you to medications that cause more harm than good. And drinking and driving home is the much safer option?
Over the years cannabis has gotten a horrible name. It’s not because it’s a dangerous drug. In fact, cannabis is one of the healthiest plants available. Our country has now made it a priority to invest money into science and discovering the healing properties. And there are scientific studies proving that cannabis isn’t as bad as once thought.
Unlike alcohol and other harmful drugs, cannabis continues to provide people with life saving medicine as it has for me. It’s healing cannabinoids help with chronic pain, epilepsy, anxiety, multiple sclerosis, PTSD, alzheimer’s disease, chemotherapy induced nausea and vomiting, insomnia, cancer, fighting cancer, inflammatory bowel disease, tourette syndrome, crohn’s disease, depression, HIV/AIDS, muscle spasms, anorexia, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, addiction, inflammation,parkinson’s disease, PTSD, reducing blood pressure, anxiety disorders, stabilizing blood sugar, decreasing overdose rates, opioid dependence, spinal cord injuries, dystonia, dementia, glaucoma, schizophrenia and other medical and psychological problems (ncbi.nlm.nih.gov, 2017).
The days of believing that cannabis is a drug that causes great bodily harm are over. Hallelujah! Now let me point out one thing. Cannabis isn’t for everyone just like certain pharmaceuticals aren’t. And I agree that some people might have some type of addiction issues. However, there is no physical withdrawal that occurs. It is impossible to overdose on cannabis. You might take or use too much, causing intoxication. But that’s not the plant’s fault. If you have a problem with addiction to this, it is a “you” problem not the substance.
I can only speak for myself as one who has a lengthy history of addiction, I have never had a problem with marijuana. The problems have always come back to myself and the maladaptive ways of coping. Buying marijuana off the streets where most of it has come from cartels, it can be sprayed with poisons which increase the effects and dependency. And this is also where a lot of the paranoia stems from. Yes, there are people who complain about paranoia induced by cannabis that is bought from very safe dispensaries. These cases are very minimal on a broad scale. So, marijuana might not fit you as an individual. However,for people like me who continue to reap the benefits of this plant minus the addiction, I can say that it has truly saved my life. And as a result has lowered the amount of suicidal ideations that used to plague me on a daily basis.
The effects of PTSD continue to complicate my life. The overwhelming symptoms are not near what they once were. Cannabis does NOT cure PTSD. It simply helps with the unfriendly symptoms and side effects. I have gone from being on close to fifteen psychiatric “big pharma” medications down to zero. I didn’t see the point of taking Parkinson’s medication for a side effect of the anti-depressant. Not to mention that I wasn’t able to experience emotions in a way to gauge how I was healing. And everything from the waist down was literally dead. If that’s the price you pay for happiness, then I would rather be sad. I still struggle hard sometimes. And that is where working with coach is other beneficial piece to my treatment. If it is not a substance that doesn’t work for you then move on. But don’t demonize this medication for those of us that it helps to ensure survivability. Thanks for reading! Keep moving forward.
“It is irresponsible not to provide the best care we can as a medical community, care that could involve marijuana. We have been terribly and systematically misled for nearly 70 years in the United States, and I apologize for my own role in that.”
“They want to make you suffer. And for you to take your own life. They really are very sadistic people.”
-Anna A., Victim Of 764
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Okie dokie! Today, I want to talk about online predator groups. I know that the videos that I’ve chosen have some length to them. However, I strongly encourage you to watch these videos. They are graphic in nature. So, please view them at your own discretion.
Some of these predators use platforms where they begin grooming children in areas that is plentiful with kids, online gaming platforms. One thing to remember is that predatory grooming takes on an infinite number of forms and ideas. And these groups that are preying on our kids are on a continuum. These groups seek to control, hurt, manipulate and kill our children. And the predatory group called 764 is one of the most sinister groups.
764 is an online decentralized and transnational sextortion network that is adjacent to the Order of Nine Angels (O9A), a right-wing Satanist terror network. And after gathering information on this group, they are definitely doing the devil’s work. 764’s online networks coerce children into recording themselves engaging in self-harm, sexually explicit acts and violence. This group consists of violent extremists who seek to normalize the production, sharing and possession of child pornography and gore material to desensitize and corrupt youth toward future acts of violence. The group members gain notoriety by systematically targeting, grooming, and extorting victims. They demand that victims engage in and share media of self-mutilation, sexual acts, harm to animals, acts of random violence, suicide and murder. It’s a way of causing chaos by disrupting society.
764 began with Bradley Cadenhead, a teenager from Stephenville, TX. His behavior began at age 8 while watching online porn. His fascination progressed to a fascination with violent torture pictures, videos and gore. He posted a lot on social media about violence. At age 13, he was put on juvenile probation for discussing shooting up a middle school. He briefly returned to a juvenile facility for violating his probation and he continued routinely watching ultra-violent gore content online. Court records have shown that he refused to participate in counseling sessions, repeatedly left home without permission, assaulted his mother, and ingested dangerous amounts of Tylenol and cough syrup which required hospitalization.
His online activities were also unrestricted. While playing Minecraft online he also met another user who deepened his interest in gore. And this is where he learned to groom children on a sextortion server called “CLT.” He then started a Discord server called 764 after the first three digits of his zip code. He along with dozens of others used the 764 Discord server and Telegram to seek out vulnerable children to victimize. Cadenhead moderated the server, which received countless videos and photographs of extreme violence, animal torture. He also posted “How-to” guides on sexually exploiting and extorting minors online to circulate in their channels. Discord reports that when they first identified hundreds of users, they reported it to law enforcement that year. And in 2021, Discord flagged Cadenhead’s online conduct fifty-eight times for sharing “images of prepubescent females and males engaging in sexual act, or in various nude poses.”
Captain Jeremy Lanier, of the Stephenville Police Department, helped to conduct the forensic analysis on Cadenhead’s devices. He is quoted saying, “This wasn’t run-of-the-mill child porn, this was darker. There was one video of a woman being held down and stabbed. This case was awful. It was the worst stuff I’ve ever looked at in six years of working CSAM.” Once a degree of trust was developed Cadenhead and other extorters threatened to harm families and to release the explicit photographs that had been exchanged. They have also convinced children to strangle their pets and bite the heads off pet hamsters on camera. This particular child was found in a bath one night saying that she was to “turn the water red” as requested. The group members also called her school principal and reported that she tried to murder animals which led to a police investigation by local police.
Richard Densmore also known as “Rabid” became popular in 764 by creating “Sewer” communities on Discord where children were recruited by infiltrating online gaming sites. A quote from Densmore would tell victims to cut themselves by saying, “I have all your information. I own you…You do what I say now kitten.” And he would even convince victims to carve “Rabid,” Sewer,“ and “764” onto their bodies with razors and box cutters. He also would sexually exploit the children (justice.gov, 2025).
“These online groups are some of the most egregious online enticement reports that we’re seeing in terms of what they’re seeing that children are being coerced to do.”
-Fallon McNulty, CyberTipline Director
Since 2021 criminal cases were brought again more than a dozen people linked to these types of groups in the United States, Great Britian, Germany, Romania and Brazil. And the US Department of Justice is pursuing federal grand jury proceedings. The group is connected to Eastern European skinhead group who members were also accused of random acts and killings in Ukraine and Russia. Prosecutors have cited Telegram and Discord as the primary means where 764 members operate. They use the platforms “to desensitize vulnerable populations through sharing extreme gore and child sexual abuse material.” However, dozens of Telegram channels remained active. Discord says that they have been shutting down these types of activities on their platform. Discord also said that they now work closely with the FBI and law enforcement agencies. In 2023 Discord blocked 130 groups and 34, 000 accounts linked to 764.
Instagram accounts linked to the extortion networks were still active at the time of this particular article. Despite the parent group Meta implementing bans on 764 related accounts. SoundCloud hosted self-harm and Satanism related playlists which were also allowed to remain online at the time of this information. Even though they release a statement saying, “We strictly prohibit any content that includes or suggests child sexual abuse or grooming on our platform and uses a combination of human moderation and technological tools to identify and remove infringing content.” Roblox, user-created skins for 764 themed characters with the groups sign with open references were also still available. Minecraft, where 764 members are known to be active, reports that there are several systems for removing harmful content including chat filtering, in-game reporting and parental controls. And has teams that participate in review and moderation. A spokesperson for Microsoft, which owns Minecraft’s development studio, states, “Pon private servers that are unmanaged by Minecraft, we will take action to investigate reported violations. However, 764 members have also managed to evade measures the platforms use to try and ban them.
“There’s a far larger pool of recruits and people interested in child abuse and pedophilia that an obscure Satanist sect,”
-Unknown law enforcement official
The FBI and other agencies are investigating 764 and terrorism because of their close ties with Order of Nine Angles, who long with their Satanist rhetoric are also aligned within militant neo-Nazi circles. They use Swastikas, Nazi memes and other propaganda glorifying homicidal members of white supremacist groups like the Atomwaffen Division which frequently appear in Telegram channels. And the urging of children to cut things into their bodies also resemble O9A rituals.
Bradly Cadenhead did admit to the group’s use of the server to do sextortion of individuals. They reported that sometimes they would do it for money. And sometimes they would do it just to have power over another person. And he also admitted that he had urged users in the server to carve his initial on their bodies as a form of homage. Therefore, many of the participants see him as a type of cult leader. Cadenhead pleaded guilty to all he was charged with and was sentenced to 80 years in prison. He is now 18 years old and currently incarcerated at Estelle State Prison in Huntsville, TX (wired.com, 2024).
I know you might be asking why I sometimes share horribly graphic information? And what I can tell you is this, “If you are grossed out and offended by this topic, good. You need to be. My life has been severely impacted by child predators on more than one occasion. And something that started out innocent progressed into a world full of horrors. We as parents seem to think that predatory people are easy to spot. They are the ones who act, dress and speak in a way that deviates from the societal norms. What I experienced was from people who I had already met. Some baby sat me as a child and were very seemingly genuine people. They were nice and built me up. They told me all the things I wanted to hear. And they gave me gifts so they could get close enough as a “friend” setting me up for their next moves. And then in a very carefully planned fashion, they got me to take the first step towards them and set their predatory trap. Then they very gently reeled me in hook, line and sinker. They were not strangers. They were in my church, schools, sports and anywhere else they can find their prey. Your kids might’ve found a new online friend who seems to be a very genuine person. They might pretend to have benign interests and just want to have a new online gaming friend. Remember that predators blend in not stand out. Standing out brings them unwanted attention and threaten to expose their evils. People, please understand that perpetrators operate in the shadows not the light. The light outshines darkness which makes it very uncomfortable for them to be unnoticed. So, they get their satisfaction from the thrill of the manipulative hunt seeking to kill and destroy your loved one.” And when one goes to prison, there are hundreds upon thousands of perpetrators looking to fill that spot.
I love my children and want them to enjoy their childhoods. However, I’m not ok with sacrificing their safety in order to appease someone’s sick curiosity. I’m not saying to not let your children play games online. What I am telling you is to form an even closer bond by challenging something in their behavior that is burning in your gut. And even if you don’t feel that, talk with them regularly about groups like this. Ask them if any of their “online” friends have reported such people. But above all, if something doesn’t seem right, check it out. Our children don’t even gasp the concept of evil predators like this. And I can tell you, that had this been an avenue that I could’ve gone down as a teen, I would’ve walked right into the woods with a clown for a handful of candy. My parents tried to shield us from most harmful things. But I still wasn’t safe from predators. I was taught to trust people until I couldn’t. And, unfortunately, when I understood that point it was too late. I was already in the grasp of a perpetrator. Thanks for reading!
“I’ve been praying for someone to get me out of there since day one. Where were you all this time? Where were you four months ago?!”
“Never underestimate a cycle breaker. Not only did they experience years of generational trauma, but they stood in the face of the trauma and fought to say, “This ends with me.” This comes at a significant cost. Never underestimate a cycle breaker.”
-Nate Postlewait
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Okie dokie! Today, I want to talk about being a “cycle breaker.” This has been one of the most difficult areas of my life. There have been and still are areas of my life where I’m determined to break the cycle of unhealthy thoughts, behaviors and relationships. Even if you think that your family should be the “example family” for the community, there are probably still issues within your particular family system that has left a legacy of a behavioral way of life. Sometimes this is healthy, dysfunctional or toxic. Even if it appears to primarily affect one person, it’s still an unhealthy family cohesiveness.
I think we first must understand what a “cycle breaker” is. This individual is intentionally trying to change multi-generational family patterns. They have to get down in the gutters into family origins of the behaviors to seek out unhealthy patterns. This person must achieve deep introspection and intentional behavior changes. And “Oh how very frustrating this can be.”
I have already written many times about how familial patterns can affect us all. What frustrated me as a minor was that I felt completely powerless to change anything including myself. What I did was take on the role of a survivor in any way possible. I fought back in ways that scared people. I have fought back in ways that isolated myself. Sometimes I get so triggered by a tone, word or a statement that it throws me back into that fighting stance. And I developed armor that worked so incredibly well for self-preservation. By the time I reached adulthood, the armor that my mind created for itself was one that knew no bounds. Every day of my life involved a fight for survival. But even when I removed myself from the abuse, my brain still thought that it was “fight time.” So, the chaos followed me everywhere I went. I so desperately wanted away from the chaos. But the fact of the matter was that I didn’t know how to operate in healthy relationships.
When I met Mel, I had just left my ex-husband. I had my goal of completing my education and there was nothing that would prevent me from finishing. Somehow, I just knew that education would make a significant difference in my life. What we soon realized was how very deeply rooted my lifetime of trauma was in my ability to function as a professional, spouse, mother, friend and family member. I honestly thought that once I left “him” things would go back to a healthier version of normal. But it absolutely did not! I would have uncontrollable rages that scared everyone that I came in contact with. Many times, I have no recollection of this happening. Then Mel started videoing me when I was like that to show professionals what was happening. She would also show me the video and I was horrified. I clearly remember telling her, “I would never do something like that!” But frame by frame I watched it happen repeatedly. Perplexed by the whole situation, I began trying to really understand my behavior. I didn’t have a therapist, at the time, who could tell me what was happening. I did eventually receive the diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder which answered many questions.
The more I studied myself, the more that I realized that I was carrying on the cycle of past traumas. While my armor worked for many years, it had suddenly become very detrimental. I looked at Mel one day and said, “Oh My God! I’m treating you like he treated me.” To come to that realization was the defining moment of when I decided that I would be a “cycle breaker.” And what a terribly slow and arduous process it has been. I didn’t know how to think. I didn’t understand the intense emotions that I was feeling. And I couldn’t stop the rage no matter what I did. I saw the destruction that I was causing and the effects that it was having on both me and Mel. And it was honestly one of the most devastating points in my life.
I initially had a very compassionate therapist in Albuquerque. Though the depth of my trauma needed more specialization. So, I went to another therapist, who was extremely narcissistic, and began emotionally abusing me. She knew all of my trauma history, but she still dominated me emotionally. And I “cow towed” to her like I was still being controlled by the ex. I stayed much longer than I should’ve. And the damage that was done was colossal.
Mel contacted a professional at a facility and told her about how dire our situation was. It was over a year before I finally decided to go to treatment. I have had some horrible experiences with mental health facilities. And the trauma of that also made me strike out in fear and anger. It’s almost like having a baby with a colic. No matter where I turned, I was scared, and it showed. But through my trauma, I learned that nicely asking someone to stop or leave me alone didn’t work. What did seem to work was aggression. However, now there were no actual threats. They were perceived threats. I felt like I could trust no one. I was drowning in shame and regret. And I was literally dying.
The therapist that I would work with at that facility was absolute fire. She sat with me and truly made a place that was emotionally very safe for me. She provided boundaries that were firm but compassionate. She didn’t show fear about the anger that I was exhibiting. And unbelievably, I was furious that she cared. Because in my mind, everyone has a dark side even those who say their “safe.” And this spicy lady knew her stuff. After my experiences, I saw where the power difference was threatening. I was scared to be vulnerable, yet again, knowing that I could get hurt.
That woman is someone I still call my “coach.” We have been working together for almost 9 years, and because I eventually stepped out into vulnerability and realized that she was truly a “safe” person that she claimed, I started wanting to change the person that I had become. I needed to know the love and compassion in a way that only a stranger can exhibit. And I needed to know that the difficult road ahead would not be one that I would walk alone. I needed to know that when things got bad, she wouldn’t leave me standing with the pieces of my shattered soul in disbelief that it could and would happen again. And she’s been my “ride or die” ever since.
The process has been going on for almost a decade of trying to break the cycle of abuse. It has been more difficult than I care to admit. Along the way, many times the only thing I was able to do in a day was breathe. She stepped up when others said, “Hell No,” to helping me. And despite so many times that I have tried to push her away, she has stayed right there witnessing the miracle happening.
Our families of origin often have problems with healthy functionality. Instead of addressing issues within the system, they say, “Oh we’ll just let it all die down and eventually the issue will go away.” But it doesn’t. In my experience of helping addicts who usually also have mental health issues, the families are often times sicker than the “problem child.” There have been generations of a one-way type of thinking that families think and assert their beliefs that it should continue simply because it’s familial. However, when you look closer the “cycle breaker” , they are sometimes seen as a troublemaker because they step out from the familial shadows and say, “Enough is enough. I will no longer buy into that way of thinking. I will no longer allow unhealthy behaviors to be swept under the rug and conform like I’m expected to do.”
I have had members in my family that have looked at me crazy and run me in the ground for speaking my truth the minute I walk away. And there are some who won’t even acknowledge my existence. These issues never get resolved and are the perfect breeding ground for anger and resentment. And it has continued to fester in my family. Whenever you become vulnerable and stand in your truth, there will be those who inevitably do not like it. Because challenging unhealthy behaviors isn’t easy. It requires a level of vulnerability and self-awareness that most individuals and families want but aren’t willing to do the work to achieve it.
For me, breaking the cycle of dysfunctional thinking and living has been paramount to my survival. I realized that I had to be willing to look at some difficult areas of my life. And to understand many of their origins. I have cried more tears than I can count in doing this work. My relationship with Mel was severely damaged because I wasn’t able to undo the destruction that I had caused. No matter how much I didn’t understand it. No matter how much I didn’t want it to happen. It still did.
I came back from that treatment facility, and I told her, “She’s the one.” And about a year later, I told Mel, “If I don’t move to Texas and do this work, I won’t be alive much longer.” So, as difficult as it was to leave her, I left for Texas. I’ve never regretted my decision. I am living because I got “sick and tired of being sick and tired.” And now when I see red flags about chaos, I do my best to avoid it. However, I will not be pushed around emotionally. I will not have my reality questioned because others are not self-aware enough to realize their own dysfunctional behaviors. That, my friends, is all the confirmation that I need to know that, YES, I am a “cycle breaker.” I might not can change everything. But I can change me. I have the power to break the cycle, and I am doing it. It is becoming my greatest legacy for myself, my children and a little corner of humanity.
“It’s up to us to break generational curses when they say, “it runs in the family” you tell them, “this is where it runs out!”
“The percentage of deaths with evidence of counterfeit pill use involving only illicitly manufactured fentanyl was more than double the percentage among deaths without evidence of counterfeit pill use.”
(CDC.gov, 2023)
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Okie dokie! Back to the streets. Today, I want to talk about one of the main reasons people are dying in record numbers due to the “fentanyl crisis.” The topic is “pressed pills.”
First, we must understand what is a “pressed pill?” The DEA states, “Drug traffickers use pill presses to press fentanyl into pills, punches and dies to imprint markings and logos onto those pills, producing pills that look like legitimate prescription medication-like Oxycodone, Xanax and Adderall-when those pills actually contain Fentanyl, methamphetamine, and other deadly drugs (DEA.gov, 2024). Likewise the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) indicate that approximately over 100,000 drug overdose deaths in the US during the 12 months ending in April 2021. That was a 30% increase compared to the year before (Harm Reduction Journal, 2002).
“In 2023, the Drug Enforcement Administration seized over 79 million fake pills containing fentanyl-a more than 33% increase from the year before. DEA laboratory testing currently indicates that 7 out of 10 pills contain a potentially deadly dose of fentanyl.”
(Dea.gov, 2025)
The majority of the production of fentanyl comes from China. It is then, in turn, sent to Mexico or Afghanistan where cartels mix fentanyl into the drugs that they are manufacturing. Pills and other drugs are now often purchased through SnapChat, Gaming Platform “chat” functions and other dark web sites. And today, there are about 9,300 websites selling drugs illegally on the darkweb. They advise to check your kid’s phones for unusual words like Blues, Blueberries, Apache, China Girl, China Town, Dance Fever, Friend, Goodfellas, Great Bear, He-Man, Jackpot, King Ivory, Murder 8, Tango & Cash, f3nt, TNT, fluff, tabs, vikes, hydros, vitamins, ercs, or 30s. These code names change very frequently (adamsbroomfieldda.org, 2024.
Drug dealers also contact a China manufacturer directly and can purchase fentanyl and have it shipped straight to their door. Another synthetic opiate that can escalate overdose deaths is Carfentanil which is another fentanyl derivative that is 100 times more potent than fentanyl. Carfentanil is used as an elephant tranquilizer (Dea.gov, 2024).
“Carfentanyl is 10,000 times more stronger than morphine”
(DEA.gov, 2005).
Illicit fentanyl comes in powdered, pll and liquid forms. The new trend is “Rainbow Fentanyl.” It gets its name from brightly-colored fentanyl found in pills, powder and blocks that can resemble candy or sidewalk chalk. This presents a significant danger primarily to children who may mistake this as candy. The color variations indicate the potency. Fentanyl’s potency and cheap costs are reasons why drug dealers are mixing it into other drugs. And this is also the reason that most fentanyl deaths occur at home (maricopacountyattorney.org, 2025).
As is the culture of illicit drugs, when addicts find out that there has been a deadly batch of fentanyl, they scurry to find the dealer because they know that their product is strong. Call it crazy, but when you are in the grasps of addiction nothing is off limits. Since opiate withdrawal is so painful and unpleasant, a lot of addicts get caught in the cycle of wanting to stop but not wanting to be sick. So most continue using just to stay well.
Fentanyl is no doubt an extremely dangerous drug. And it’s only a matter of time before users will die from an overdose or poisoning. Stay abreast on the latest news and trends regarding fentanyl and other illicit drugs to help protect yourself, friends and family. If at all possible do everything you can to prevent another statistic.
This Puzzled Life 