Happy Birthday, Marshall!

“Sons are the anchors of a mother’s life.”

-Sophocles

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today is a very special day. It’s my oldest son, Marshall, birthday. Fourteen years ago today, after thirty-six hours of labor, Marshall made his entrance into the world. I will say with confidence that I was NOT the one who gave birth. And from that moment, my life was, once again, forever changed.

Our dreams as parents became a reality when our little preemie boy entered the world. And, boy, did he make the sun shine brighter that day. Within moments, we went from sleeping late anytime we wanted to, to now being very protective of this little boy who would call us moms. And now there was a little being that we would literally sacrifice everything for.

Our beautiful little boy name, Marshall Lake Landrum-Arnold, would struggle at the beginning of his life just trying to maintain his own body temperature and learning how to eat and put healthy weight on his tiny, little body. That first year was not easy by any means. And I speak for myself when I say that I was so happy that he arrived. But I was terrified of now being responsible for raising him to adulthood. And I was scared that I would not be enough.

His health scares and concerns were extremely stressful for us as a new family. And for once, I knew what it felt like to be completely helpless and not be able to “quick fix” a situation. But I finally understood the mysterious love between a parent and a child. This little boy, I knew, would change the world even if it was for two lesbian moms.

It has been the most frustrating, difficult, and rewarding job that I never thought possible. Now, fourteen years later, our little preemie is in the throws of puberty. He has a deep voice, peach fuzz, and an almost never-ending attitude. And first thing every morning he hisses and has the most ruthless cause of “bedhead” that I’ve ever seen. But he’s still my little boy.

He was beautiful the moment he entered the world. And he’s still beautiful now. He is the smartest and most caring boy that still loves to hang out with momma and laugh. Now it’s not wanting a bottle and a nap. It’s video games, nerf guns, weird music, a voracious appetite, band practice, books, and a mood swing that is constantly going back and forth. But he’s still my little boy.

We don’t live together now, but he always lives within me. From the moment I wake up until the moment I go to sleep, my thoughts always hold in the recesses of my mind, the many fears of  being a parent. You can have many children, but there is only one first born. And as a first born myself, I try to impress upon him the importance about his role as a big brother. He has dreams and aspirations that I watch change sometimes daily.

Happy Birthday to you my beautiful boy! I look forward to many more years of watching you develop and become a man. While also knowing that three moms can raise a son without a man successfully. I love you more than life. And I thank you for making me a mom and changing my life. I will continue to love you unconditionally no matter what path in life you take. Because the sky is the limit for you. Hug your children because they won’t be babies for very long. Thanks for reading!

 Affirmation: My voice matters.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

Call Of The Wild

“Wilderness without wildlife is just scenery.”

-Lois Crisler

 Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Ok, I’m better. Since my last blog was about the frat pad, I thought that I would enlighten you about some of the wildlife that pay us a visit. 

It all began when the boys were staying with me one weekend. At the end of the day, I put out pizza boxes usually only consisting of crusts that once held a piece of pizza. Within the hour, there was noise outside on my porch. I put my finger over my lips while telling the boys to be very quiet. I very gently opened the blinds on my door and motioned for them to quietly walk to where I was standing. I told them, “Look what came for the leftovers.” 

My youngest son Copeland said, “Momma, what is that thing?” I reply, “That’s a hungry possum. They come around looking for food. And they will eat anything. And when finished, they go back to the woods where they live.” Again, he says, “Momma, I didn’t know that you had anything this cool. Can we watch them tomorrow night?” “Absolutely!” I said.

The next day all Copeland could talk about was that possum. He asks, “Momma, what are we going to feed the possum tonight?” I replied, “I’m not sure baby.” Again, he asks, “Can I help pick out what to feed it?” I told him, “Yes. But for now, we must run some errands.” When I can I let big brother Marshall enjoy some alone time. And Copeland and I go to Dollar Tree for some weekend snacks.

We drove to Dollar Tree. Go inside. And there went Copeland straight to the toys. And I head in the opposite direction and let my OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) be happy by shopping in a pattern within the store. Right away I feel the panic building inside me. I soon feel the familiar fear that happens when I go out in public. I scan the store and generate a mental picture and ideas of how to flee from danger that’s, at this point, is unknown. 

I soon heard his sprint coming toward me. “Momma, can I get this toy?” he asks. “Today is not toy day at Dollar Tree. I thought you wanted to pick out snacks for you and Marshall?” I ask. He replies, “Oh yes! Sorry, I forgot.” He says. I give him a few minutes while also keeping an eye on him. He runs to me with all kinds of snacks. He said, “Hey, momma! Look I found snacks.” He says. “Ummm excuse me little boy. That doesn’t even look like anything that you and Marshall eat.” Excitedly he replies, “Oh this isn’t for me and Marshall. All of these snacks are for the possum!” I tell him, “Son I am not buying all of that for the possum! You can find one snack for the possum.” His excitement quickly disappears after I crush his hopes and dreams. I tell him, “Find a snack that If the possum doesn’t eat, you and Marshall will eat also.” Life returns to his little face while saying, “I’ve got it momma! I reply, “Ok what is it?” I got the possum some microwave popcorn!” he says with excitement. I tell him, “Yep, if I were a possum I’d like microwave popcorn also. Excellent job!” I said.

What I continued to feel was the dread, like something bad was about to happen. Without alarming him I tell him that it’s time to go. By the time we get to the register I’m sweating, and my heart rate is through the roof. Copeland notices too. He said, “Momma, are you ok?” And I reply, “yea, we just need to quickly get out of here unnoticed.” The employee ringing up our items says, “Did ya’ll find everything you need?” Copeland said, “Yes ma’am. Me and my mom need to get out of here because she’s about to have a panic attack.” I could’ve crawled under the flooring. I paid and we finally left. Once we get in the car he asks, “Momma, do you want me to call your coach?” What you need to do is realize that you’re not in danger.” Ummm when did little boy get a degree in counseling? Eventually, the chest pains left, and I returned to normal. He says, “How about we go to Sonic and get slush? They always make me feel better when I’m thirsty.”

Within several minutes after getting our drinks we arrived back home. He takes their snacks into the Frat Pad to Marshall. “Where all did ya’ll go?” he asks. Copeland replies, “We went to Dollar Tree. And then we had to leave because momma started having another panic attack. She was scared and sweating. But we went to Sonic and got some drinks and now she feels better.”

Later, when the sun went down, I told Copeland, “Ok Copey. Are you ready to feed the possum?” He instantly got so excited. He tells me, “Oh yay! Let me finish my edamame!”

A few moments go by, and he said, “Mom, do you think possums like edamame?” I reply, “Son, I’m not a possum so I don’t know.” He said, “Ok, you make the popcorn, and I’ll get everything ready outside.” I cooked the popcorn and then walked outside where he’s been busy getting everything for said possum. He said, “Momma, look. I gave the possum the empty pods and made a trail so that it would find it easier.” That was the funniest explanation and vision that I will never forget. 

The next morning Copeland wanted to see what was left of the gifts of popcorn and edamame pods feast. He said, “Look momma all the popcorn is gone! But it didn’t eat the edamame.” I tell him, “Son, it appears that he likes junk food more than vegetables.”  “Good point. “he said.

Since then, we have named all the animals that come for a scrumptious visit. On Friday nights we always have microwave popcorn. And so do the members of the wildlife here at the Frat Pad. We now have four possums that visit. Their names are Luna, Cheddar, Bulldog and our newest possum Chicken. We also have three raccoons named Mr. Pickles, Pumpkin and Puddles. And a rat named Scratch. I continue to stress the point that they should never go outside and try to pet them because of how dangerous they can be and the diseases that they carry. I feed them some whenever I have leftovers. But when the boys come to stay with me, the Frat Pad comes alive. And we always take a minute to marvel at the beautiful wildlife that are also members of Camp Frat Pad.

“If we bring together the right people, communities can flourish, and wildlife can survive alongside them.”

-Jochen Zeitz

 ***Don’t forget the videos!!***

#Thispuzzledlife

Happy Birthday, Copeland

Happy Birthday, Copeland!!!

“You’re going to miss this one day, I whisper to myself as I’m
shot in the butt with a nerf gun while unclogging the toilet”
—Unknown

I remember when Mel was pregnant with our second and sweet little boy Copeland. It was one of the saddest times of my life because we had found out that Sarah’s condition had gone from being in remission to terminal and she wouldn’t have many days left. And we had lost Copeland’s twin at 12 weeks only a couple of months earlier. I was completely distraught at what was happening in our life. I felt guilty for being so sad at the loss of our unborn child and the latest news about Sarah. I was in a whirlwind of emotions and mad at God when I should have been grateful and looking forward to being a mom again. My mental health issues became more erratic at this time. My rock and my yoda and the one that was teaching me about life was about to be gone. I just couldn’t handle that. My heart was shattered at both losses. The world would go on and my world would never be the same.

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Mel and I would have to drive back because she had to go back to work. My parents would Facetime Sarah’s service as I sat in my truck waiting on an appointment. After the service was over, I cried secretly that I can explain. I cried because my heart hurt, and It felt like part of it was becoming necrotic. I also cried because my soul hurt. I needed someone to just hold me and let me cry over this loss. And as I cry now, I am sobbing like I did that day secretly in my house. I was mad at God for taking them both away. I just didn’t understand, and I still don’t. Everything hurt and it does again for a woman who loved me just because. What an emptiness I can still feel from those losses 5 years ago.

Sarah died in February and Copeland was born in May. And I think his birth was what I needed to keep going. Our boys will never know fully how stressed and distraught both of their moms were at that time. And how incredibly special and powerful to us for being our children. Copeland came along at a time at a time that we needed.

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I now understand what my parents have told me for most of my life. One of my grandfathers died in September 1975 and I was born in December of that same year. My mom tells me that my birth is what helped them get through Christmas. And for Mel and me, Copland’s birth did the same thing for us. That little baby boy put a smile on my face where only minutes before there was a frown from a hurting heart.Ever since he was born, and Marshall has had the duty of being a big brother we have had some of the greatest entertainment and love that mothers can have with their children. Here’s a conversation that Mel and Copeland had several months ago….

Copeland: What are you made of mommy?
Mel:_Sugar and spice and everything nice.
What are you made of Copey?
Cope: Plastic
Mel: No sticks and snails and puppy dog tails that’s what little boys
Are made of…
Cope: nooooooo I don’t have puppy dogs!!!
Mel: so what are you made of?
Cope: Rubber
Continuing the conversation later she asks
Mel: So what are you made of Cope?
Cope: plastic and rubber and Boogers!!! Lots of Boogers!!!!

Copeland Samuel Landrum-Arnold is the finest little superhero man cub that God has created other than his brother Marshall. I am blessed to be in his life and to be called Mom when I never saw that as a possibility several years earlier. I love you, son! And I’m so incredibly proud to be your mom even with challenges. Happy Birthday, Copeland!!!

#thispuzzledlife