drug addiction

darnold1975

Beware Of Deadly 7-0H Products

“It is dangerous, misleading, and illegal” and a “massive fraud on consumers that puts their safety directly at risk.”

–American Kratom Association

 Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about the deadly synthetic opioid products known as 7-OH (gas station heroin). You might think that these products are safe. But there is only one descriptive term for them…..DANGEROUS.

Let me break down the problems associated with these products. The product is so dangerous that the FDA  is specifically targeting the 7-OH products a concentrated byproduct of the kratom plant. They are not focused on the natural kratom leaf products. These products have a high potential for abuse because they bind to opioid receptors. They are not FDA-approved 7-OH opioid products. FDA Commissioner Marty Makary, M.D., M.P.H. is quoted saying, “7-OH is an opioid that can be more potent than morphine” (https://www.fda.gov, 2025).

What is 7-OH? –hydroymitragynine is a powerful opioid-like compound found in the leaves of the kratom plant. While this compound is naturally in trace amounts because manufacturers have begun to concentrate or synthesize it into highly potent and addictive products. They are sold at gas stations, vape shops and smoke shops. At this time, anyone of any age can purchase these products. And they are appealing to kids and teens because they are also made into edibles.

“It’s a recipe for a public health disaster.”

-Jim O’Neill, U.S. Department of

 Health and Human Services

·        Significantly stronger than morphine:Some synthetic products are reportedly 13 to 40 times more potent than morphine.

·        Intense opioid effects: these include pain relief, euphoria, and sedation.

·        High risk of dependence and addiction:Regular use can quickly lead to physical and psychological dependence with severe withdrawal symptoms when use is stopped.

·        Serious adverse effects: There have been a notable rise in emergency room visits with symptoms that include nausea, agitation, rapid heart rate, high blood pressure, seizures  and respiratory depression that can be fatal.

Difference between natural and concentrated 7-OH

·       Natural kratom: in the natural form as a plant leaf, kratom contains only a small amount of 7-OH (less than 2%). It is often used for its mild stimulant or opioid-like effects, but the risk profile is significantly different from highly concentrated products.

·       Concentrated/Synthetic 7-OH: lab created product where the 7-OH has been concentrated to a higher potency reaching 98%. These unregulated products are sold in forms like gummies, drinks, and tablets ((https://www.dshs.texas.gov, 2025).

I cannot express enough the dangerousness of these products. I, for one, fell in love with heroin and pills many years ago. And what a difficult process it has been to break free from those substances. Because “One is too many. And a thousand is never enough.” That’s how addiction works. Parents if you think that this is all a bunch of hoopla for nothing, you are dead wrong. This product scares me like most can’t. We have enough of an “opiate crisis” without introducing more into the family line. Educate yourself and your children. It just might save lives. Thanks for reading!

Affirmation: I have the ability to make a different choice.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

Featured darnold1975

What Are The Streets Saying? Fentanyl

“The DEA is part of the army of good working people  working against the evil of drugs. The cartels deal in death, but we fight for life. This is not about politics; it’s about survival. Together, as one nation, we will end this  fentanyl crisis and protect our people.”

-Acting Administrator, Derek Maltz

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I’m going to discuss one of the leading killers in our nation, FENTANYL. The correct pronunciation is (Fen-ta-nil). Fentanyl is a very powerful synthetic opioid that is used in surgery as an anesthetic to control severe pain. However, over the past decade, the drug has made its way into the illicit drug supply by way of cartels who are supplied most of the time from China where fentanyl is manufactured. And the street value of a counterfeit pill of fentanyl ranges from $1 to $3 a pill. And this is why fentanyl is so affordable and appealing to anyone.

With the opioid crisis that began in the 1990s and the lack of alternative pain control, chronic pain sufferers were forced to go to the streets to handle it themselves. I also suffer from chronic pain. A few years ago when I was living in Texas, no matter how much I told my doctors about my increasing nerve pain that has spread all over my body, no one would help me. I began to think that maybe my medical issues weren’t legit. What I soon found out was that the fear of healthcare professionals of persecution because of doctors who went too far and had opened clinics called “pill mills.” These were clinics that resembled pain clinics that were prescribed  without sufficient medical history. Patients in  these types of facilities received only prescriptions as a cash only transaction.

“Overdose deaths involving primarilyfentanyl totaled 73,838 reported in 2022”

(nida.nih.gov, 2024). 

The result was an astronomical amount going to people for forming both a physical and mental addiction on these drugs. What it also caused was the people with legitimate pain issues who had no access to medications that made their pain tolerable. Chronic pain will lead you to a couple of different places for relief. The streets where pills are sold illicitly or suicide. It’s not always about wanting to be a criminal. And unfortunately, our nation didn’t have answers to help with those needs. I had used medical cannabis previously when I lived in Albuquerque, NM. Texas, however, was a big southern slow towards that goal.

I tried everything I could get my hands on to help manage my pain without success. So, I headed to the streets for relief. I went down into the area of south Dallas which was nothing but hoodrats and drug dealers. And I was only able to go into those areas because I was with someone else who was already well known in that area. I was a gay white female who people there thought was a cop. I might be a lot of things but a narc I am not. I’ll be honest, that area was scary as hell. But I felt that I had no other options. And so I started buying pills from a dealer.

“The latest DEA laboratory testing announced earlier this fall, indicates that 5 out of every 10 pills tested contain a potentially deadly dose of fentanyl. Two milligrams of fentanyl is considered a lethal dose. For perspective, one gram of fentanyl, equivalent in size to a sugar packet, has the potential to kill up to 500 people.” (DEA.gov, 2024).

At the time, pills were going for $1/mg. This means that a pharmaceutical pain pill that was 30mg went for $30. And because these pills were harder to come by means that the prices were constantly increasing. So, I might get pain relief for one night. The next day I was in horrible pain yet again. When you buy drugs off the street, you are forced to unfortunately buy what is available. And some of it is pretty difficult to come by. And each time you take the medication you are playing Russian roulette. And I didn’t care. I needed relief like I needed air. 

I was only able to buy morphine 60mg tablets which equaled $60/day which was impossible to come by for me. Buying on the streets is always a crapshoot about being able to stay in contact with more than one dealer. It’s a game of who if anyone will come through for you. Desperation will lead you to doing irrational things. And it was worth it at the time. I consider myself incredible that I didn’t become a statistic to fentanyl. And I never became addicted to anything that I used there. 

“Fentanyl is 100 times more potent than morphine.”

(DEA.gov, 2024)

Fentanyl is in everything now. If kids get some pills from a friend that bought them from a dealer and it has been cut with fentanyl, they’re dead. Narcan, which is a medication that helps to reverse the effects of an opiate, definitely helps to reverse overdose. But what if you took the pill right before you got into bed hoping for a nice, peaceful sleep pain free? No one is there and narcan then means nothing.

While growing up in the 80’s the drugs were still safe to experiment with. But now they’re not. Fentanyl is one of those drugs that has seemed to grab my attention about its hidden dangers.  Some people are being intentionally poisoned due to fentanyl. And it scares the hell out of me for my kids.

I invite you to watch videos on YouTube about fentanyl awareness. One of my personal favorites is Texas Documentaries that has a new video every couple of days about how fentanyl  has destroyed so many lives and their families. Have fun. Stay safe. And educate yourselves and those you love about the dangers of fentanyl.

“We’ve been at the forefront of this fight against synthetic opioids since the very beginning. We are committed to combating  fentanyl, and the men and women of CBP are up to the task.”

-CBP Senior Official Performing the Duties of the Commissioner Troy Miller

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

What Are The Streets Saying? Pressed Pills

“The percentage of deaths with evidence of counterfeit pill use involving only illicitly manufactured fentanyl was more than double the  percentage among deaths without evidence of counterfeit pill use.”

(CDC.gov, 2023)

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Okie dokie! Back to the streets. Today, I want to talk about one of the main reasons people are dying in record numbers due to the “fentanyl crisis.” The topic is “pressed pills.” 

First, we must understand what is a “pressed pill?” The DEA states, “Drug traffickers use pill presses to press fentanyl into pills, punches and dies to imprint markings and logos onto those pills, producing pills that look like legitimate prescription medication-like Oxycodone, Xanax and Adderall-when those pills actually contain Fentanyl, methamphetamine, and other deadly drugs (DEA.gov, 2024). Likewise the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) indicate that approximately over 100,000 drug overdose deaths in the US during the 12 months ending in April 2021. That was a 30% increase compared to the year before (Harm Reduction Journal, 2002).

“In 2023, the Drug Enforcement Administration seized over 79 million fake pills containing fentanyl-a more than 33% increase from the year before. DEA laboratory testing currently indicates that 7 out of 10 pills contain a potentially deadly dose of fentanyl.”

(Dea.gov, 2025)

The majority of the production of fentanyl comes from China. It is then, in turn, sent to Mexico or Afghanistan where cartels mix fentanyl into the drugs that they are manufacturing. Pills and other drugs are now often purchased through SnapChat, Gaming Platform “chat” functions and other dark web sites. And today, there are about 9,300 websites selling drugs illegally on the darkweb. They advise to check your kid’s phones for unusual words like Blues, Blueberries, Apache, China Girl, China Town, Dance Fever, Friend, Goodfellas, Great Bear, He-Man, Jackpot, King Ivory, Murder 8, Tango & Cash, f3nt, TNT, fluff, tabs, vikes, hydros, vitamins, ercs, or 30s. These code names change very frequently (adamsbroomfieldda.org, 2024.

Drug dealers also contact a China manufacturer directly and can purchase fentanyl and have it shipped straight to their door. Another synthetic opiate that can escalate overdose deaths is Carfentanil which is another fentanyl derivative that is 100 times more potent than fentanyl. Carfentanil is used as an elephant tranquilizer (Dea.gov, 2024). 

“Carfentanyl is 10,000 times more stronger than morphine”

(DEA.gov, 2005).

Illicit fentanyl comes in powdered, pll and liquid forms. The new trend is “Rainbow Fentanyl.”  It gets its name from brightly-colored fentanyl found in pills, powder and blocks that can resemble candy or sidewalk chalk. This presents a significant danger primarily to children who may mistake this as candy. The color variations indicate the potency. Fentanyl’s potency and cheap costs are reasons why drug dealers are mixing it into other drugs. And this is also the reason that most fentanyl deaths occur at home (maricopacountyattorney.org, 2025).

As is the culture of illicit drugs, when addicts find out that there has been a deadly batch of fentanyl, they scurry to find the dealer because they know that their product is strong. Call it crazy, but when you are in the grasps of addiction nothing is off limits. Since opiate withdrawal is so painful and unpleasant, a lot of addicts get caught in the cycle of wanting to stop but not wanting to be sick. So most continue using just to stay well.

Fentanyl is no doubt an extremely dangerous drug. And it’s only a matter of time before users will die from an overdose or poisoning. Stay abreast on the latest news and trends regarding fentanyl and other illicit drugs to help protect yourself, friends and family. If at all possible do everything you can to prevent another statistic.

***Don’t forget to watch the video below!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

The Girl In The Closet (Poetry)

The Girl In The Closet

Enjoying school and playing sports
Dripping with sweat on shirts and shorts.
A dollar bill would be burning a hole in my pocket
She was only a number, but she was also the girl in the closet.

Most knew her name but not her number
She made them laugh even before Tumblr
The teacher never smiled, and we never knew why
Was someone mean to her? Did they make her cry?
The evilness she shot through her eyes made them want to vomit
She was only a number the girl in the closet.

The clown she was in those days
That happiness quickly became dark, ugly hate.
That closet was to teach me lessons.
And lessons it did…I learned how to drink, take pills, cut on my arms and put on gauze dressings
Because I was only a number and the girl in the closet.

Please!!!!I cried for someone to get me out of there
But they were being told different stories and I started pulling out my hair.
How could you not see that which was in front of you?
You questioned my parents and they questioned you.
What’s happened to my child and why is her heart so hurt
But I was just a number and the little girl in the closet.

They all knew and could see my spirit breaking day after day.
The hate would develop with words she would hear between September and May.
She was being changed from the inside out
She always had a practice where her aggression could be let out.

Her pills were quite the comfort and the razors were too
Because she had certainly learned some less and she hates herself and wants to turn blue.
She can’t breathe without thinking that finally someone must listen to what I say
The mental torture that continues day after day.
Now it’s my turn to tell you how we will play.
You didn’t even remember my number only that “I was the girl in the closet.”

#thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

What Is The Primal Wound?

What is the Primal Wound?

“…Being separated from their birth mothers and handed over to strangers in the adoption process is the only trauma where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful…”

Nancy Verrier, The Primal Wound

Even as a young child my parents can tell you that I was a very inquisitive.  I was also the child that questioned EVERYTHING.  There was no accepting because someone said to.  I had to know the “whys.”  This has often led to difficult roads and battle wounds as a result.  As an adult with a very difficult diagnosis to comprehend much less to ask someone else to understand, I still question everything.  Maybe it’s normal to question these things.  Keep in mind that I function most of the time as a “teenager with an attitude” and you know how much ego, time and energy that requires. Sometimes it’s just like having annoying bags of hell that can suck the life out of everything it touches including my body attached to me like appendages.  But sometimes the internal conversations are better than any comedy routine I’ve ever witnessed including the questions.

I question every person’s motives, practitioners, governments, my adoption, abusive behaviors and, yes, I still question my diagnosis A LOT!  Being on disability, currently, allows me time to search for answers about my puzzled life.  As you’ve read throughout my blog, my connection to adoption and why it’s so painful for me has led me to some obsessive days and nights searching online for something to explain the pain in my soul that I’ve never been able to accurately paint a picture of with words.

On an Attachment and Parenting blog, one adoptive parent is quoted as saying….

 “Scientific research now reveals that as early as the second trimester, the human fetus is capable of auditory processing and in fact, is capable of processing rejection in utero. In addition to the rejection and abandonment felt by the newborn adoptee or any age adoptee for that matter, it must be recognized that the far greater trauma often times occurs in the way in which the mind and body system of the newborn is incapable of processing the loss of the biological figure. Far beyond any cognitive awareness, this experience is stored deep within the cells of the body, routinely leading to states of anxiety and depression for the adopted child later in life.”

adopted-trauma

I now have a simple explanation for the type of feelings that can destroy me to deal with.  The rejection and separation process can still be felt deeper than any other sensation I’ve personally felt.  These words gave me an instant reaction and all internal members on guard and children/teens to safety.   I realize that the intensity felt by other adoptees is on a continuum of variance.  The intensity I feel today is the same intensity I felt as a infant, child and teen.  And as an adult, it can still be very crippling as the loss is for both me and my birth mom is extremely powerful.

In Nancy Verrier’s book The Primal Wound:  Understanding the Adopted Child, 1993, she describes the Primal Wound Theory by saying, ” that develops when a mother and child are separated by adoption shortly after childbirth. It describes the mother and child as having a vital connected relationship which is physical, psychological and physiological, and examines the effects of disrupting such bonds.”  I still haven’t been able to read that book because of how much the topic really disturbs me.  The Nature vs. Nurture debate is another avenue in continuous research.  I see myself both sides of the debate which as people we are a constantly evolving through that very mixture.

primal wound.jpg

 As an adopted child, I needed and wanted to find parts of my identity.  I was always the kid that looked nothing like my parents but I did have some behavioral traits.  I was raised around some comedy goodness with both my daddy and Nannie.  Their individual humor is enough to sit and tell stories for several hours.  My environmental and social interactions helped to shape beliefs both about myself and other people.  There’s a much longer discussion for that debate.  Genetically, my skin color, facial characteristics, bone structure, eye color, etc. is the Nature side of the debate. The debate often centers around the effect genetics have on human personalities as opposed to the influences that environment and development might have.  So you can see that this will probably on for infiniti + infiniti.

As a developing child, not being able to look in the stands at my ballgames or in a crowd at the mall and not see anyone that I looked like was torture.  I love my adoptive parents no less.  Unless you’re an adopted child with this strong need to just know “why” you can’t understand the obsession.  At major life events birthdays, weddings, graduations, birth of a child, etc. while I tried to enjoy everything in the moment, I couldn’t help but to feel the loss for people who I originally belonged to.  This has also been a big source of guilt and shame from just wanting to know.

My parents were always very supportive in my efforts to find my answers and truth about this situation.  My birth mom, father, full brother, aunts, uncles, paternal grandmother, half brothers, half sisters, step-mom and some cousins eventually met but not on the same turf.  As an adopted child, I had to accept prior to going to meet them all that I would be rejected again.  This time the rejection would be felt as an adult.  I needed that one-on-one time with my mom to ask her the “whys” that continue to haunt me after my answers were received.  But, first, the willingness to feel that incredible lifelong wound gaped open even further if the universe saw fit and it did.  Not the Lifetime ending I was looking for.

What I have done to deal with this wound in the past was to shove anything I could into that big, dark hole in my soul.  I poured alcohol, pills, razors, purging, restricting, perfectionism in certain areas, people pleasing, etc. into this insatiable appetite for something only she could fill.  I guess we can just call this particular therapy topic a work in progress.  And maybe, in time, with COACH by my side, I’ll attain some resolve and peace.  The whole purpose for moving to Texas was to get some healing.  And that’s exactly what I’m doing.

#thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

My Life With Ed

My Life With ED

“We turn skeletons into goddesses and look to them as if they might teach us how not to need.”
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

The topic of eating disorders is one that can cripple me to my knees.  The thought of having to discuss the topic with someone is like knocking the wind out of me.  If just the thought of this bothers me this bad then I would caution anyone with an active eating disorder or early recovery from one about very triggering information about my disordered past and present.  This post will probably be done over a couple of days due to how much it will stir internally.

If you’ve been reading my blog from the beginning, you know that the age of 13 was a very difficult year and was emotionally abusive by a teacher.  This was the year that several behaviors started for me such as:  cutting, eating disorder, drug addiction and very early alcohol abuse.  At the time, I didn’t understand that the behavior was called an eating disorder.  I just knew that I was about to start playing high school sports the following fall and I had to be faster and stronger.

The time I remember the first “dieting” type behavior was soon after the eighth grade ended.  I went on a crash diet and within about two weeks lost 20 lbs.  I had, in that short time, taught myself to dislike certain foods.  I had been using the drug Mini-Thins which was marketed as a bronchodilator at many truck stops that had both ephedrine and caffeine in its makeup.  This was well before ephedrine was taken off the market because of so many sports related deaths.  I clearly remember there being 100 tabs for $7.99.  Any allowance money went straight to those little pills.  Now you’re wondering exactly what purpose they served for me, eh?  This drug while containing a precursor for methamphetamine, completely knocked out my appetite while decreasing all water weight and supplying me the energy to play two sports without eating.

apple with tape measure

I was completely wrapped up in a big ole ball of addiction already and had no idea.  I’ve always said that addiction was the best friend that cut my throat.  It served its alleged purpose while wrapping me up in a killing machine of codependency of both behaviors and substances.  All it took for my eating disorder to continue was one compliment or another pound lost.  I soon found myself becoming a quicker ballplayer with greater stamina and explosive power.  Unfortunately, this never worked well with the aggressiveness that also developed this year.

When I went to high school, and thank goodness they weren’t drug testing athletes at that time, I was a full blown addict already out of control within only about 3 months.  My eating disorder had now progressed to weighing 12-15 times a day.  I slept in teachers rooms during lunch so I wouldn’t have to be around food.  I was now both anorexic and bulimic.  My bulimia purging was through laxative use.  I was getting drunk to the point of passing out and/or vomiting anytime I went to a “party.”  The mind bending part was that I was really climbing in my athletic play. I was a starting freshman on both the softball and basketball teams. I thought and felt like I was on top of the world.  I seemingly ‘had my cake and got to eat it too.’

The next couple of years I continued to lose weight but my playing slowly started on a downward spiral.  By my senior year, I was a sickly 83 lbs on a 5’7″ frame.  I had resorted to stealing diet pills and would frequently have mini seizures or some type of severe jerking movements and saw spots in the mornings.  I was constantly weighing myself.  I was constantly tired and cold. I would eat one small salad a week and would cry if I had to eat in public.  The questions had started long before about “why aren’t you eating?” “Are you losing weight?”  Most of the time I would just tell people that I wasn’t hungry. I had already eaten or my stomach hurt.  I would explain the weight loss off as just training harder and having a higher metabolism as a teenager.  My dreams of playing college basketball and/or softball were disappearing and I didn’t even care.  I was also now taking 25 pills a day just to maintain my habit.

fork with tape measure

People began to tell me how sickly I looked.  My eyes were dark and sunken. My face was sunken and my ribs and backbone were unhealthily showing.  My digestive system was completely messed up. Mentally I didn’t know whether to ‘scratch my watch or wind my butt.’  And my body had begun to feed on itself.  As a result, I was unable to be in top notch shape as an athlete because I always had pulled muscles in my back.  I had just watched myself as a beloved player of the game of basketball go from being able to play hard and fast the entire game to having to come out of the game shortly after tip off because of lack of energy or injuries.

When I moved from my teen years into my years of domestic abuse, I was required to weigh for my husband and to stay in a certain weight range.  I had finally started to recover minimally, I thought, pull out of my life of an eating disorder.  However, it seemed that I was being forced back into those behaviors again.  I was soon being told what I could and could not eat.  How and what I ate were criticized constantly.  I was made to take pictures of myself in bathing suits or naked and put them on the refrigerator as a reminder what I looked like when I got hungry.  And when I went to work and food establishments were nearby, I was dared to eat when it wasn’t the food I was allotted.  Sometimes I would look up from where I worked and my husband would be out in the parking lot watching me from his vehicle.  I became terrified to eat again and I was starving.  Most of the time, I would wait for him to go to bed and I would sneak food hoping to God he didn’t hear me.  Still, he would inevitably start pinching at my body and making comments about how I looked and dressed.  He would tell me, “You want to see something disgusting?  Just look in the mirror.”

Skip ahead to today and I still have a lot of hang ups around food, eating and body image.  This is probably one of the topics that haunt me the most.  I still cannot eat in public without wearing sunshades, headphones and trying to hide behind menus.  We have fears of being recognized and being talk about concerning whatever we might order or how we eat.  I’m scared to death about trying new foods.  I’m scared to make food selections.  I’m very uncomfortable with eating around people especially those that I know.  I prefer to eat privately.  These days it’s not about getting the high from the endorphins.  Now it’s strictly about fear of judgment.   Yes, I still have an eating disorder.  No, I’m not an anorexic weight.  Let me get stressed out and the first thing I do is start restricting.  There I said it.  I have a really long way to go on this recovery.   And with DID, as you may or may not can imagine, things can be extremely stressful for extended periods of time.

As my dear Sarah would tell me if I asked her advice on this one, she would say, “Dana, start at step #1.  This is a marathon not a sprint.”  Again, I can smile.

#Thispuzzledlife