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darnold1975

Self‑Harm Awareness Month: Where Growth Happens and My Nervous System Tries Its Best

“I didn’t choose the healing journey. The healing journey chose, dragged me and asked for gas money.”

-Unknown

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. It’s Self‑Harm Awareness Month, and if there’s one thing this month teaches us, it’s that healing is messy, sacred, and occasionally accompanied by a cat sitting on your chest like a furry emotional support paperweight.

Self‑harm is one of those topics people whisper about like it’s Voldemort, taxes, or the time they accidentally liked their ex’s Instagram post from 2014. But here? We talk about it with honesty, compassion, and the kind of humor that keeps us from spontaneously combusting. Self‑harm isn’t about attention. It’s about pain. And the people who say otherwise are usually the same ones who think essential oils can cure a broken femur.

Self‑harm doesn’t happen because someone is weak. It happens because someone is overwhelmed, hurting, or trying to survive emotions that feel too big for one body. It’s a coping mechanism. Not a character flaw. But the world loves to misunderstand what it doesn’t want to deal with. People will say things like, “Just think positive!,” “Have you tried yoga?,” “My cousin’s neighbor’s dog used to feel sad too.” Ma’am. Self‑harm is not cured by downward dog or inspirational throw pillows.

Let’s look at how the addiction occurs. The brain notices that shift and files it under: “This worked.” Not because it’s healthy. However, because it changed the emotional state quickly. The body reinforces it by sending a rush of endorphins, adrenaline, and dopamine. These chemicals temporarily reduce emotional pain or numbness. That relief, even if brief, can make the brain want to repeat the behavior. This is the same reinforcement loop seen in many addictions. Next, the cycle becomes automatic. And with overtime urgency , the brain starts linking stress → self‑harm, numbness → self‑harm, shame → self‑harm, and emotional overload → self‑harm. It becomes a reflex. A pattern, not a personality trait. A survival strategy, not a moral failing. And then shame strengthens the cycle. People who self‑harm often feel guilt, embarrassment, fear of being judged, or the pressure to hide. Those feelings can increase emotional distress. Which can then trigger the urge again. It becomes a loop that’s incredibly hard to break alone. And finally, it’s not about wanting to die. For many people, self‑harm is about wanting to feel something, wanting to feel less, wanting control, wanting relief, and wanting the emotional noise to stop. It’s a coping mechanism that becomes addictive because the pain underneath it is overwhelming. People don’t heal because they’re scolded. They heal because they’re understood.

What does help? Why don’t you try some compassion, support, safe conversations, professional care, people who don’t minimize your pain, and a community that refuses to let shame win. Some days you glide. Some days you wobble. Some days you crash into a display of discounted cereal and pretend it was part of your spiritual journey. Healing is allowed to be imperfect. You are allowed to be imperfect. You are allowed to take up space while you figure things out. “Keep going. Rest when you need to. And stop carrying pain alone.” You deserve support. You deserve compassion. You deserve to be here. And you deserve to heal without shame breathing down your neck like a judgmental church lady.

Self‑Harm Awareness Month isn’t about fear. It’s about understanding. It’s about breaking silence. It’s about reminding people they’re not alone. Not now, not ever. So, here’s to choosing growth even when it feels like a group project we didn’t sign up for, choosing compassion even when our patience is on backorder, choosing to stay when our brains are acting like and the whole system is like, “Ma’am, I was not built for this.”

Then light your sage, drink your water, moisturize your spirit, and strut into the rest of the month like a woman who has survived every plot twist life has thrown at her. Including the ones that arrived unannounced, barefoot, and holding a casserole of chaos. Because you’re still here. You’re still growing. And honestly? You’re doing better than half the people who think essential oils are a personality. 

And as we wrap up this emotional rollercoaster of a topic, complete with sage smoke, hydration, and my nervous system acting like it’s auditioning for a disaster movie. It is like trying to assemble IKEA furniture with no instructions, three missing screws, and a mysterious extra piece that definitely wasn’t in the box. I’ve also realized something important. And it is that healing is basically like trying to reboot a Wi‑Fi router from 2007. You unplug it, you wait, you pray, you bargain, you threaten it, you light a candle, and somehow it still blinks at you like, “Girl, I’m doing my best.” Same, router. 

Here’s to all of us out here choosing growth even when our brains are running on 3% battery. Choosing compassion even when our patience is on backorder. And choosing to keep going even when life feels like a Walmart parking lot at 2 a.m. You’re doing your best, you’re sweating, you’re questioning your life choices, and at some point you whisper, “If this thing collapses, I’m blaming Sweden.” Thanks for reading and remember, Healing is holy, humor is medicine, and you are too stubborn to give up now. But you keep going. Because that’s what we do. And if anyone tries to judge your healing journey, just smile sweetly and say, “Sweetheart, I’m busy becoming emotionally stable. I don’t have the bandwidth for your nonsense.” Thanks for reading! Get educated.

Affirmation: I honor my healing by choosing compassion over shame, boundaries over chaos, and growth over the nonsense that used to break me.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

The Cats Have Beads And I Have Regrets

“Cats at Mardi Gras don’t follow the parade. They become the parade, by collecting beads, chaos, and admirers with every classy decision.”                                                                       

-Unknown                              

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. I should probably sage my area twice after the way my cats acted at Mardi Gras. So, that means we are unleashing the FULL‑POWER, CATEGORY 5, LOUISIANA‑CERTIFIED, CAT‑LED MARDI GRAS CHAOS. Buckle up. The beads are flying.

Piper woke up at 4:12 AM, standing on my chest like a possessed raccoon.

Piper: “Get up. We have a city to embarrass.”

She had already packed, in her bag, a chicken nugget she found under the couch, a Mardi Gras mask she stole from your closet, and a crumpled receipt she insists is “legal documentation.” Coco walked in wearing a robe like a Real Housewife of the Deep South. Tinkerbell entered last, dragging a rosary and a Ziploc of Goldfish crackers.

Coco: “I expect VIP treatment. And a float. And a man named Boudreaux.”

Tinkerbell: “I’m not saying I’m worried. I’m saying I’ve updated my will.”

Piper pressed every button in the car like she was trying to hack the Pentagon.

Piper: “WHAT DOES THIS DO? OH LOOK! THE CAR IS SCREAMING. WE’RE FAMOUS!”

Coco rolled down the window and let the wind hit her like she was filming a shampoo commercial.

Coco: “If anyone asks, I’m a celebrity. You’re my assistant.”

Tinkerbell buckled herself in and whispered,” Jesus take the wheel. Literally.”
And the moment the door opened, Piper shot out like a bottle rocket dipped in espresso. Coco strutted behind her, tail high, sunglasses on, giving the city her best “you’re welcome.”

Piper: “THE AIR SMELLS LIKE SPICE AND POOR DECISIONS. I BELONG HERE.”
Coco: “Someone bring me a hurricane. And a man with a boat.”

Tinkerbell approached a street musician and sat politely.

Tinkerbell: “Play something soothing, baby. My nerves are fried.”

Within minutes, the cats were ON a float. Not allowed. Not invited. Just… on it. Piper was leading chants like she was running for governor. And she also tried to flash her nonexistent cat boobs for beads, and now she’s beefing with the New Orleans Police Department.

Piper: “THROW ME BEADS OR I’LL STEAL YOUR SNACKS!”

It started innocently enough. Piper saw a woman flash her chest and receive 14 strands of beads and a standing ovation. Piper, never one to be outdone, climbed onto a balcony, puffed out her fur, and screamed:

Piper: “PREPARE YOUR BEADS, MORTALS. I’M ABOUT TO MAKE HISTORY.”

She then attempted to “flash” by dramatically lifting her front paws and turning in a circle like a confused rotisserie chicken. Unfortunately, a nearby cop did not find this performance amusing.

Officer (into walkie): “We’ve got a situation. It’s… a cat. Attempting nudity.”

Piper was issued a verbal warning and told to “keep it classy.” She was so salty about the whole thing that she spent the rest of the parade refusing to wave, refusing to smile, and refusing to acknowledge the crowd.

Piper (arms crossed, tail twitching): “I COULD’VE BEEN LEGENDARY. BUT NOOOO. APPARENTLY ‘FUR CLEAVAGE’ ISN’T A THING.”

She sat on the float like a disgraced pageant queen, wearing 3 pity beads and a look that could curdle milk. Coco tried to cheer her up by tossing beads and blowing kisses.

Coco: “Smile, darling. You’re still famous. Just… not in a legal way.”

Tinkerbell handed her a beignet and whispered

Tinkerbell: “Eat this and let it go. You’re not the first woman to get rejected by Bourbon Street.”

Coco was posing dramatically, letting the wind hit her like she was starring in a perfume ad called “Regret.”

Coco: “Take my picture. No, not that angle. I said my GOOD side.”

Tinkerbell was giving life advice to drunk tourists.

Tinkerbell: “Hydrate, sweetheart. And don’t date a man who says he ‘used to be a promoter.’”

At Café du Monde, Piper inhaled a beignet so fast she briefly left her physical body. And she was covered in powdered sugar.

Piper: “I HAVE SEEN THE DIVINE. IT TASTES LIKE FRIED HEAVEN.”

Coco refused hers because “powdered sugar is not couture.” Tinkerbell ate hers slowly, like a woman who has lived through 14 Mardi Gras and knows the consequences.

By the end of the night, the cats returned to the car wearing 112 strands of beads, a feathered mask, a tiny crown, a sticker that said “I danced with Big Tony”, and the faint aroma of bourbon and regret.

Piper: “I want to move here permanently.”

Coco: “I’m starting a jazz band called The Purrcussionists.”

Tinkerbell: “I stole a praline. Drive.”

And so, as the sun dipped behind the wrought iron balconies and the last bead hit the pavement with a dramatic plonk, the cats returned home from Mardi Gras bedazzled, beigneted, and emotionally unstable.

Piper, still fuming from her failed flashing attempt, refused to make eye contact with anyone and spent the ride home muttering, “I could’ve been iconic.” Coco, who had somehow acquired a saxophone and three phone numbers, declared herself “spiritually Cajun now.” And Tinkerbell, wise and weary, curled up in a pile of stolen doubloons and whispered, “Never trust a man in a feathered vest.”

I drove in silence, covered in powdered sugar and regret, wondering how you became the designated adult in a Mardi Gras saga starring three cats and one frog costume. May your beads be untangled, your beignets be warm, and your cats never again attempt public nudity for plastic jewelry. Thanks for reading! Keep smilin.’

Affirmation: I am a majestic Mardi Gras creature. I attract beads, snacks, and admiration effortlessly. My fur is flawless, my paws are powerful, and my ability to cause chaos is a spiritual gift.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

What Is Love?

“Love is not only something you feel, but it is something you do.”

-David Wilkerson

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, instead of politics, chaos, or the latest absurdity in the world, I want to talk about something that actually keeps us human: love.

Love is one of those words we throw around so casually that we forget how heavy it really is. It’s not just a feeling. It’s not just butterflies, or chemistry, or the way someone’s name lights up your phone. Love is a living thing and something that grows, shifts, bruises, heals, and transforms us whether we’re ready or not.

Real love isn’t possession. It isn’t control. It isn’t “you complete me,” because you should already be whole. Love is choosing someone again and again, not because you need them to fill a void, but because life feels richer with them in it. And let’s be clear: domestic violence is not love. It’s a cruel form of control, and it has no place in any relationship.

Love is honesty, even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s saying, “I’m hurt,” “I’m scared,” “I need you,” or “I’m sorry.” It’s vulnerability without the guarantee of being understood. It’s trusting someone with the parts of you that you usually keep locked away. What love is not is weaponizing someone’s insecurities against them.

If you have to shrink yourself to be loved, that’s not love. If you’re walking on eggshells, that’s not love. If you’re constantly trying to earn affection, approval, or basic respect, that’s not love. Love is the exhale after holding your breath too long. It’s the feeling of being seen without performing.

Love isn’t effortless. It’s effort that doesn’t feel like a burden. It’s the small things like remembering how they take their coffee, sending a text to check in, listening even when you’re tired, showing up when it matters. Love is maintenance, not magic.

The right love doesn’t keep you stagnant. It doesn’t clip your wings. It doesn’t fear your evolution. Love says, “Grow. Become. Expand. I’ll grow with you.” And sometimes love also says, “We’ve grown in different directions, and that’s okay.”

Some of the deepest love comes from friendships, family, pets, or even the relationship you build with yourself. Romantic love gets all the attention, but it’s not the only kind that saves us. Sometimes the most healing love is the one that teaches you how to treat yourself better.

Love is imperfect, and that’s what makes it real. It’s messy. It’s flawed. It’s human. It’s two people trying their best with the tools they have. It’s learning, unlearning, apologizing, forgiving, and trying again. It’s imperfect that people choosing to care anyway.

Love shows you who you are. It reflects your wounds, your strengths, your fears, your capacity for joy. The right love doesn’t fix you, but it inspires you to fix yourself. It challenges you to become the version of you that you’ve always been capable of being.

Love is many things, but above all, it’s this: Love is the courage to stay open in a world that constantly tries to harden you.

Affirmation: I am worthy of a love that feels like peace, not survival.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Black History Month: Where the Ancestors Whisper ‘Keep Going’

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”

— Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Because today, we’re stepping into a month that carries the weight of history, the fire of resilience, and the joy that refuses to be dimmed. This is Black History Month, and we’re honoring it with truth, emotion, and a little humor. I, for one,  know that sometimes laughter is the only thing keeping any of us from flipping a table.

Black History Month is not just a commemorative event. It’s a living, breathing reminder of the brilliance, struggle, creativity, and endurance of Black Americans. It began as Negro History Week in 1926, founded by historian Carter G. Woodson and the Association for the Study of Negro Life and History. The week was intentionally placed in February to align with the birthdays of Frederick Douglass and Abraham Lincoln, two figures central to Black liberation.

Over time, the celebration grew, and in 1976, it officially expanded into Black History Month, recognized by every U.S. president since. Today, it is celebrated across the United States, Canada, and the United Kingdom. And every February 1st, corporations suddenly “discover” Black people exist. But we’re going to focus on the real story (https://www.blackhistoryandheritage.com/article/black-history-month/origins-black-history-month?utm_source=copilot.com.)

Black history is a story of survival and excellence that deserves its own cinematic universe. It’s the spirituals sung in fields where hope was outlawed. It’s the Harlem Renaissance that has exploded with art, music, and literature that still shapes culture today. It’s the Civil Rights Movement marching with blistered feet and unbreakable courage. It’s Black scientists, inventors, activists, teachers, and everyday heroes shaping the world. And often while the world pretended not to notice.

Black History Month holds space for:

  • Grief for what was stolen.
  • Rage for what was endured.
  • Awe for what was created.
  • Joy that refuses to be dimmed.
  • Humor that has carried generations through the impossible.

Black humor is a survival skill. It’s the auntie who tells the truth with a side of shade. It’s the uncle who swears he marched with Dr. King even though he was born in 1972. It’s the family reunion where the food is seasoned, the stories are exaggerated, and the love is louder. Humor doesn’t erase the pain. It makes the journey bearable. The work isn’t done. Because the wounds aren’t healed. Because the systems aren’t equal. Because the stories still need telling. Because the future still needs building.

This is a reminder that the story is still being written in classrooms, in living rooms, in protests, in art, in laughter, in love. And if you listen closely, you can hear the ancestors whispering: “Keep going. And baby, don’t forget to moisturize.”

As we light the charcoal and sprinkle the sage, may we remember that it’s not just to clear the air. But to honor the ancestors who cleared paths with their bare hands. We breathe deeply for the generations who weren’t allowed to. We laugh loudly for the ones who needed joy but didn’t get enough of it. We celebrate fiercely for the dreams that were deferred but never destroyed.

“As a white person, I honor Black History Month by listening more than I speak, learning what I was never taught, and showing up with humility instead of ego. I affirm my commitment to unlearning harmful narratives, amplifying Black voices, and standing on the right side of history. I choose growth over comfort, accountability over silence, and action over performative allyship. I honor the legacy of Black brilliance by being someone who refuses to look away.” Thanks for reading! And keep on keeping on.

Affirmation: I honor Black History Month by choosing growth, listening with intention, and respect.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

A Life, A Name, A Nation’s Failure: Renee Nicole Good

“Some stories break you. Some stories change you. And some stories demand you stand up, speak up, and refuse to look away. Renee Nicole Good deserved to grow old.”

— Dana, This Puzzled Life

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today’s story is heavy, holy, and heartbreaking. And it deserves to be told without flinching.

There are moments when the world tilts. Moments when a headline hits you in the chest because you know this isn’t just news. This is someone’s daughter. Someone’s mother. Someone who laughed, cried, loved, lived, and deserved to grow old.

And this time, her name was Renee Nicole Good. She was a 37‑year‑old mother of three who was shot and killed by an ICE agent in Minneapolis on January 7, 2026, as reported by CBS News and NBC News. She was unarmed. She was shot three times including once in the head. And it was the wound that killed her according to the Hennepin County Medical Examiner’s report, cited by MPR News.

I didn’t know Renee personally. But I know the shape of injustice. I know the sound of a system cracking under its own weight. I know what it feels like to be trapped in a place where the people with power insist they’re “keeping you safe” while your body tells you otherwise.

When I read about Renee and about how the fatal shot was to her head. And about how the agent claimed “self‑defense,” about how the body‑camera footage released by ICE shows her backing away when the shots were fired. I felt that familiar ache. The one that says, This should not have happened. The one that says, This keeps happening. The one that says, How many more?

The world saw the moment she died. Millions watched the video, replayed it, argued about it. But Renee was more than the last seconds of her life. She was a whole human being. She was a mother. A woman trying to survive. Someone who deserved to be seen in her fullness. And not just her final frame. Another woman gone. Another family shattered. Another official statement claiming “self‑defense,” as reported by The Associated Press. Another community calling bullshit.

I’ve spent enough time in psychiatric, legal, and medical systems to know how quickly institutions protect themselves. How fast the narrative shifts. How easily a person becomes a problem instead of a person. But Renee wasn’t a problem. She was a life.

When I say her name, Renee Nicole Good, I feel the heaviness of it. The way a name becomes a headline. The way a headline becomes a debate. And the way a debate becomes noise. But behind that noise is a family who will never be the same. Children who will grow up with a before and after. A community that will remember the day everything changed.

And I think about how often marginalized people are told to “comply,” “calm down,” “cooperate,” “not escalate,” “not resist,” “not move,” “not breathe wrong.” And still they die. Grief like this doesn’t fade when the headlines do. It lingers. It haunts. It becomes part of the landscape of a community. And it should. Forgetting is how injustice survives.

Renee deserves better than to be forgotten. She deserves better than to be reduced to a political talking point. She deserves better than to be a momentary outrage. She deserves to be remembered as a woman whose life mattered.

When I read that her death was ruled a homicide, even if the system refuses to call it a crime, I felt that familiar sting. The one that says, We see what happened. We just refuse to name it. And when I read that she was unarmed. And that she posed no threat, and that the fatal shot was to her head, I felt the anger rise. Not the wild, chaotic anger. The quiet kind. The kind that sits in your chest like a stone. The kind that says, This is not justice. This is not safety. This is not okay.

I don’t have a neat ending for this. There isn’t one. But I can say this, Renee, your life mattered. Your story matters. Your name will not be swallowed by the noise. To her family, I am holding you in the softest part of my heart. To her children, I hope the world becomes gentler for you than it was for your mother. To her community, keep speaking, keep fighting, keep remembering. And to anyone reading this who feels the weight of it, you’re not imagining it. You’re not overreacting. You’re not alone.

Some stories demand to be told. Some losses demand to be honored. Some names demand to be spoken. Renee Nicole Good. We see you. We remember you. We will not look away. Thanks for reading! And from the bottom of my heart I say, “Fuck ICE!”

Affirmation: I honor Renee by telling the truth, holding the grief, and refusing to let her name fade.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#ThisPuzzledLife

darnold1975

Piper’s Spay Day

“A happy arrangement: many people prefer cats to other people and many cats prefer people to other cats.”

 -Mason Cooley

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to tell you about a situation that occurred. And, well, it was concerning the specific moment when I had to tell Piper that she was going to get spayed.

Me: “Piper!”

Piper: “Coming momma!”

Me: “What were you three doing?”

Piper: “I had just jumped on Tink’s back and was biting her head. And she was getting mad at me.”

Me: “Well, I need to talk to you about something?”

Coco: “Me and Tink are on the way, momma.”

Me: “Well, it might be good to have you here for support.”

Tink: “Uh-oh. Is everything ok?”

Piper: “What’s the matter momma?”

Me: “Well, when you get to be a certain age you need to have a surgery.”

Tink: “Oh yes! Snip, snip little girl.”

Coco: “Snip! Snip! And it’s going to hurt really bad.”

Me: “Tink! Coco! Ya’ll stop. You’re going to scare her.”

(Piper begins sobbing)

Piper: “Momma, why do you want to make me hurt?”

Me: “Coco and Tink, why did you say that?”

Piper: “Momma, I’m scared!”

Me: “Look, calm down a second. When you get to be a certain age, you must have a surgery to remove your kitten maker.”

Coco: “Snip! Snip!”

Me: “Coco, stop it! Piper, they give you some medicine to make you go to sleep so that you don’t even know that it’s going on.”

Piper: “But momma. What if I wanted to be a momma one day?”

Me: “Piper let me explain something to you. Momma cats don’t just have one kitten. If they had just one, you could have a kitten, and it could live with us. Momma cats have anywhere from 8-12 babies at a time. And we wouldn’t able to keep them. It would be harder on you if I took your babies away from you after you had already bonded with them.”

Piper: “So you’re not doing this to be mean to me?”

Me: “No baby. Tink and Coco did the same thing. And it helps keep you healthier the older you get. If you had a lot of babies and we couldn’t find homes for them all, we would have to take them to the shelter. And there are already too many puppies and kittens who have to do that. I’m just trying to make it easier on you and all of us by doing this. Think about it. If you had 8 kittens. Coco had 8 kittens. And Tink had 8 kittens. What would we have?”

Piper: “A crowd?”

Me: “Yes. And I wouldn’t be able to care for that many.”

Piper: “Ok. Well, I don’t want to be a momma cat to that many babies. But I’m still scared.”

Me: “I know you are. But I will go with you.”

Piper: “You promise?”

Me: “Unless, of course, you know how to drive a vehicle.”

Piper: “No way.”

Me: “I promise you might be a little scared. But you will be fine. And I will go get you whenever they say that you’re safe to come back home. And then we can cuddle, ok?”

Piper: “Ok. Please don’t forget about me.”

Me: “Don’t worry. Me and your sisters would never forget about you.”

Tink: “Piper, we were just messing with you. You will be fine. If you get scared, just ask “tha Jesus” to make you not scared.”

Coco: “Yea, kid. We were just playing with you. I was a little sleepy and sore afterwards. But the doctors will give you some medicine to make you not hurt but just a little bit.”

Piper: “Will you and Tink go with me?”

Coco: “Heck no!”

Piper: “Why not?”

Tink: “Because they take your temperature.”

Piper: “What does that mean?”

Me: “They just want to make sure that you don’t have a fever which would mean that you were sick.”

Piper: “Ok. Well, that doesn’t seem bad.”

(Coco now mumbling)

Coco: “That’s what you think.”

Piper: “What?”

 Me: “Coco hush up. Piper, you will be fine.”

Piper: “Ok. Thank ya’ll for explaining things. I feel better. I love you big sissies.”

Coco and Tink: “We love you too, Piper.”

I’m writing this the day after Piper’s surgery. She did fine. And when I picked her up from the vet, except for the fact that she was still a little bit woozy and moving around like she had eaten an entire container of cannabis edibles, she did extremely well. Piper and Tink hissed at her for the next four hours because she and her carrier smelled like Noah’s ark from being around so many other animals, I am currently writing with two of them in my lap. Remember to always spay and neuter your animals. Thanks for reading!

Affirmation: I know when to curl up for a good nap

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

A Moment With Piper

“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”

-Terry Pratchett

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about what it’s like living with Piper. She is finally coming into her own and getting bigger every day. Check this out!

Piper: “Momma help me!”

Me: “What is the problem, Piper?”

Piper: “Tink bit my butt for no reason!”

Me: “Did you do anything to her?”

Piper: “No! She just bit me for no reason!”

Tink: “Piper you cowabungaed my head!”

Piper: “No I didn’t! Fluff off!” 

Tink: “What did you say? You little feline fluff ball?”

Piper: “I promise! I did nothing wrong!”

Me: “Piper, the collected evidence shows that you, in fact, jumped on Tink’s head without provocation.”

Piper: “Momma, I’m just a little kitty!”

Me: “And you are responsible for your own kitty actions.”

Tink: “Ha! Ha! I told you, you little snack stealer!”

Piper: “Momma said that I was growing and needed more than anyone else.”

Me: “Piper, I did not! Coco, do you care to chime in?”

Coco: “Hear no evil. See no evil. Speak no evil.”

Piper: “Well, that’s what I heard you say.”

Me: “When, ma’am?”

Piper: “The other night when I was asleep.”

Me: “Piper, that must’ve been while you were dreaming.”

Piper: “Well, you still said it no matter if I was awake or asleep.”

Me: “Piper, you must share your snacks just like you want me to share everything that I eat.”

Piper: “Well, I’m just curious and want to know what you’re eating?”

Me: “By jumping on me and into my plate?”

Piper: “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

Thanks for reading! Life with my girls is full of laughs and love. They are my family. Keep moving forward and always spay and neuter you pets.

Affirmation: I deserve every snack and piece of food that I find.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife

darnold1975

Domestic Violence And Animal Cruelty

“The connection between domestic violence and animal cruelty is so significant that it is commonly referred to simply as “the Link.” Perpetrators of domestic violence often threaten harm or bring actual harm to their victims’ pets in order to control them, keep victims from leaving, or to punish them for actually leaving or attempting to leave.”

-ASPCA.org

Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to discuss domestic violence and pets. I won’t pretend that this topic is going to be easy to digest. However, it’s one that needs to be brought into the light.

Many of us sometimes love our animals more than people. I know, speaking only for myself, that my animals have always been a source of comfort, unconditional love, and understanding that many people can’t fully embody. They have never spoken a word as their compassion is in their eyes. And all they ask for is to be fed and also loved in return. That is, it. Nothing more. Nothing less.

My personal experience with domestic violence is knowing that absolutely nothing is off limits. And it is their cruelty that can always get worse. Do some abusers change? Yes. But if they are not willing to do self-reflection and to look at their own traumas and behaviors, then they will not change. And most blame their actions on the victim.

Please Read The Following:

     Up to 75% of women entering DV shelters report that their abuser threatened, harmed, or killed their pets in the presence of children (safehouse.org, 2024).

     Up to 65% of domestic violence victims and 48% of battered women remain in abusive homes out of fear for their pets.

     Only around 5% of U.S. shelters have any kind of housing for pets of domestic violence victims (https://www.drmartybecker.com, 2017).

Why Do Abuser Use Pets To Terrorize Their Human Partners?

·        Creating fear: Abusers may torture or kill a pet to demonstrate what they are capable of doing to their human victim or their children.

v  There were many times when I saw and heard my ex-husband’s violence against my animals. He would muzzle my outside dogs all night long most of the time. And he would beat my cats with a belt if they meowed at night. He also scared my cats so much with a broom that they began to have a very strong fear reaction for many years following me leaving him.

·        Leverage to prevent escape: Many women fear for their pet’s safety is the primary reason they delay leaving an abusive relationship.

v  One of his favorite things to say was, “One day you’re going to look up and all of your animals will be gone. You just might come home one day, and they will have vanished.”

·        Punishment and retaliation: Abusers may harm a pet as punishment for a perceived transgression or in retaliation for a partner trying to leave.

v  After 13 years of being in a domestic violence situation, and over a year of planning my departure, I left him hoping things would cool down enough to go back and get my animals as a way of saying, “I’m done.” Two weeks later, I went back to retrieve my animals, and most had been starved. There was no water. A few of the ones remaining had been eaten by other animals or were mysteriously cut in half. On that day, I was able to get out two cats and my African Grey parrot. Only three of the many that I owned. My cats were starving and had old, moldy food. My bird had moldy food and dirty water. My outside cats were nowhere to be found. And my dogs had been shot which was witnessed by a neighbor. And the sights and smells can never be undone.

·        Forcing participation: Some women survivors tell about how they were forced to participate in illegal acts under threat of harm to their pets.

v  Luckily, I was never forced to do this. Because they would’ve had to do something for me. Because I don’t have the capability to hurt my pets.

“Seeing her hurt was more than I could bear. 

I couldn’t and wouldn’t leave my pets.”

-Sarah, DV Victim

Women have reported:

“He kicked the dog repeatedly until it was howling in pain.”

“He put his hand into the goldfish bowl in front of my five-year-old daughter and squashed the goldfish, for no apparent reason.”

“I can remember an instance when he picked the cat up and with full force drop-kicked it from the back door. He did it because he saw the cat on the workshop. I thought the cat might die.”

“He would refuse to allow us to feed the dog-saying he was ugly.” (https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov, 2008).

Resources for victims who want to leave with their pets:

·        National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

·        The Purple Leash Project

o   Our goal: To see 25% of domestic violence shelters become pet-friendly by 2025.

·        Safe Havens for Pets

o   For pets are sheltering services that help individuals who are experiencing domestic violence or homelessness with a companion animal (https://www.safehavensforpets.org, 2023).

·        RedRover Relief

o   Mission is to “bring animals out of crisis and strengthen the bond between people and animals through emergency sheltering, disaster-relief services, financial assistance, and education.

·        URINYC PALS (New York City)

·        Paws for Safety (Rockland County, New York)

·        Praline’s Backyard (Snellville, Georgia)

·        Ahimsa House (Georgia)

·        Shelter our Pets (New Jersey)

·        Network for Pets of Domestic Violence Victims (www.npdvv.org).

·        This is a list of pet-friendly domestic violence shelters (https://saftprogram.org, 2025).

I completely and unapologetically understand the fear that abusers instill in victims about their victims and their pets. I encourage you to seek help by way of organizations that are listed here and the many others that I don’t have the space to acknowledge. Animal abuse is a crime in all 50 states. And  each state has anti-cruelty statutes that include felony-level provisions for acts of violence against animals. 

And they will “love bomb”  and abuse you until you concede. That is part of their “reign of terror.” They are master manipulators and will suck the soul from your mind and body. And then tell people that you enjoyed it. It is imperative for you and those you love, including your pets, to find a way out of that situation. I beg you to please continue searching for help in every way possible. Because they will do it again. And candy and flowers won’t make it better.

Thanks for reading even though difficult it may be. Please seek help for those you love even if that is for yourself. You and your pets are worth the love and compassion that is waiting for you all. Keep reading. Keep hope alive.

Affirmation: I forgive myself for believing all relationships are abusive and violent.

***Don’t forget to watch the video!***

#Thispuzzledlife











	




			
				


	
			
					
	

	

		

			 darnold1975 		


		
Types Of Domestic Violence: The Final Chapter
	


	

		

“Don’t play his game. Play yours.”





-Rachel Caine, Fall of Night (The Morgancille Campires, #41)





TECHNOLOGY-FACILITATED ABUSE





    

  • Monitoring text messages, phone records, social media activity, and internet search history.
    • 




  • Preventing or forbidding a person from owning or having access to a phone or computer.
    • 




  • Sending abusive messages through text, email, social media, or other online platforms.
    • 




  • Using technology to track a person’s movements without their permission.
    • 




  • Using technology to gather personal information about someone without their permission.
    • 




  • Accessing or ‘hacking’ a person’s online accounts without their permission.
    • 




  • Impersonating a person online.
    • 




  • Using technology to share personal and private images or videos without consent.
    • 






v  Luckily, social media and the internet were fairly new things at that time. However, once we separated, he was very threatened through email.














STALKING AND HARASSMENT





    

  • Following and watching someone, for example watching them from a parked car.
    • 






v  I was stalked constantly. And he even went as far as to sit outside my job for the entire shift to make sure I didn’t eat any food that he didn’t approve.





    

  • Using technology to monitor their movements; this is also called tech abuse.
    • 




  • Sending unwanted gifts to a person’s home or workplace.
    • 






v  This was done whenever the cycle rolled back around to “love bombing.” He always gave me gifts and the same speech. However, it would only take a couple of days until he was right back to the same thing starting with verbal and emotional abuse.





    

  • Repeatedly making unwanted contact through phone calls, text messages, emails, social media and other messaging or chat apps.
    • 




  • Turning up, uninvited, at the person’s home or workplace, or at social activities.
    • 






v  He would always justify his actions with some type of excuse for why he showed up. And he was always lying. He always had a more sinister reason.





    

  • Installing spyware on a person’s digital devices to get private information, or to secretly record or video them.
    • 






v  He and his brother went so far as to tap the phone lines at our house to monitor who I was having conversations with.





    

  • Using webcams and other forms of video surveillance without the person’s knowledge or consent.
    • 















REPRODUCTIVE ABUSE





    

  • Preventing a person from using birth control or forcing them to have unprotected sex.
    • 






v  This happened from the very beginning. I was lucky that I never got pregnant.


















Abusers will justify and create new ways of cruelty covered with beautiful paper and a beautiful bow. And to unsuspecting victims, they have no idea what kind of damage is done until many years down the road, if and when they get out and into therapy emphasising on  “deprogramming.” For years, I’ve questioned if what I experienced was true. And that’s the precipous of their game. They teach you how to doubt your own reality,





I left that horrible 14-year relationship, in 2006, battered and broken. Many of the wounds are still evident, and others are in various stages of healing. What I don’t need a degree to diagnose is how deep some of the wounds run. Being conditioned to be someone who you aren’t. And the constant walking on eggshells still wreaks havoc on my nervous system. And I still get overwhelmed  to the point of not being able to make everyday decisions that most take for granted.





What is unseen benefit? For a long time, I never knew the answer to that question. What I did learn was different aspects of human behavior and their “red flags.” Not just physical. But also verbal. I watch how they talk about their other friends and family. I watch non-verbal cues. I watch how they are on both good and bad days. I watch how they communicate. I watch how superficial they are and their intentions. I watch to see, in what ways, they poke fun at another person. Are they being silly or cruel? I watch to see if my needs are considered or is it just “lip service?” But above all, I watch for congruency. I watch behavior with a fine-toothed comb. And for the most part, if I sense that something is off, I’m out. Most of the time, I have to watch them for a little while before deciding about whether or not to end a relationship.





I now listen to my gut. Something that I rarely ever did because he made every decision. And I do mean every decision. My master’s degree never taught me to listen to my gut. Surviving cruelty did. I know what I see. I know what I experience. And your validation is not needed. Thanks for reading! And reach out for HOPE.





Affirmation: I deserve peace.





***Don’t forget to watch the video!***





#Thispuzzledlife



















	




			
				


	
			
					
	

	

		

			 darnold1975 		


		
Types Of Domestic Violence Part 3
	


	

		

“No amount of me trying to explain myself was doing any good. I didn’t even know what was going on inside of me, so how could I have explained it to them?





-Sierra D. Waters, Debbie





Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today I want to continue talking to you about different types of domestic violence. Now let’s continue.





ELDER ABUSE





·        Physically or sexually assaulting the older person.





·        Physically restraining the older person, and limiting their ability to move around.





·        Preventing the older person from leaving the house or having contact with others.





·        Neglecting to provide basic necessities including food and medical care.





·        Using the older person’s money or property without their permission.





·        Forcing or pressuring the older person to alter documents such as a will.














LATERAL VIOLENCE





also known as ‘horizontal violence’ or ‘intra-racial conflict’. It is a mixture of historical, cultural and social dynamics that results in a range of behaviours. It is not just an individual’s behaviour. It can involve a group of people working together to attack or undermine individuals, families. Lateral violence doesn’t just refer to physical violence. It is also a form of coercive control and is related to social, emotional, psychological, economic and spiritual violence.





    

  • Malicious gossip
    • 




  • Group bullying
    • 




  • Social exclusion and isolation
    • 




  • Claims that the individual does not ‘belong’ in the group
    • 




  • Physical violence
    • 




  • Sexual violence.
    • 






*Each of these were done to be when both he and his brother worked as a team. They ruined my name to their friends and family. They told horrible lies about things that I had not done. They both knocked me down. Ripped my clothes. And started kicking me in both my stomach and my back. And if I was being too resistant to what my husband wanted, he would call his brother to threaten me in other ways by saying, “He would pay people to rape me until I couldn’t walk.” And when I went back to my husband and told him what was said he simply told me, “Well, I guess you shouldn’t have made him mad.” In essence, he called his brother and set the whole thing up.














LEGAL ABUSE





    

  • Preventing a person from getting legal help, including making false claims about their rights to legal protection.
    • 






·        Hiding or destroying legal documents and other evidence.





    

  • Making false reports.
    • 




  • Not complying with court orders.
    • 




  • Deliberately delaying legal procedures.
    • 




  • Deliberately running up large legal bills.
    • 






*He continually threatened me with legal action. I was told that no one would believe my claims about him because he hadn’t left one identifiable mark on me. And because I had been diagnosed with depression and prescribed medication that I was the one with the mental history. The fact still remains that he never had the balls to go to therapy about his own issues. Because all of his behavior was because of someone else. Had they gone, he would have a diagnosis of Narcissitic Personality Disorder and also labeled as a sociopath for his behavior that both he and his brother exhibited without a conscience. I think that’s why neither one of them ever got any help. Because they didn’t want a label that accurately described them.





FINANCIAL ABUSE





    

  • Forcing or pressuring a person to get a credit card or take out a loan against their wishes.
    • 




  • Using a person’s name to get a credit card or take out a loan, without their knowledge.
    • 






·        Controlling what a person can spend their money on.





v  He was so tight with money that you couldn’t slide a piece of notebook paper between the cheeks of his ass. I wasn’t allowed to spend money without permission. But he was able to buy whatever he wanted.





    

  • Controlling a person’s access to their own money, such as their wages or salary.
    • 






v  I was never allowed to keep or use my own money. He would come up to my jobs and I was expected to hand over my checks. I was given $20 per week and was told, “Don’t let me find out that you’re eating food that I would allow.”


















Affirmation: I am not alone in this experience.





***Don’t forget to watch the video!***





#Thispuzzledlife