Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Okie dokie! Today, I want to talk to you about the differences in head shops and smoke shops. There is a noticeably significant difference. Some people refer to these types of businesses as the same. They are not.
First of all, we need to discuss why they are called “Head Shops.” The term was actually used during the ‘sixties in the U.S. It was based off a statement people used at that time called “getting your head right.” And more specifically among pot heads. While most headshops today carry a variety of products. Initially head shops only carried a few pipes, bongs, rolling papers. And as you can discern the products and interior of the shops specified cannabis culture. They also eccentric records, psychedelic posters and books consistent with the hippie movement. These types of smoking products were considered illegal paraphernalia and had to be concealed.
When I was much younger there was a local headshop that I used to frequent that was run by two old hippies. And it was the coolest store that really catered to local hippies and the cannabis culture. I loved to go look around especially in the dark room that was draped with a beaded curtain. They had some really impressive psychedelic posters complete with the rich smell of pachouli incense burning. As the shop owners aged, the shop was eventually closed.
It wasn’t until I became a medical cannabis patient that I began to seriously look at the products in these types of stores. There was nothing better than going in a looking at the new glass pieces and other smoking accessories. I would eventually learn about dab rigs and cannabis concentrates. I had no idea that bongs were actually called “water pipes.” I went inside and asked the employees where the bongs were located. They said, “You can’t use that term because it refers to paraphernalia. We sale “water pipes” used to smoke tobacco.” I told them, “Well, I’ve never heard them called anything but a bong.” At that point, I was asked to leave. I had no idea what had just transpired. Apparently, using the term “water pipe” was the loophole in the law regarding legal paraphernalia. And you could not even mention terms like “bongs” and still be allowed to continue shopping.
What I would eventually learn is how many “designer drugs” were being sold out of those stores. I was thinking the whole time, I could’ve gotten myself in a lot more trouble with addiction had I realized what all types of products were sold at some. I also realized that I had to learn about everything that were being sold legally because of that loophole. I will cover some of those dangerous substances in future blog posts.
The modern head shops are now able to release a lot of those anxieties about selling cannabis culture items. The main reason is that the stigmas about smoking marijuana have largely dissipated with the legalization of both medical and recreational cannabis. However, there are still dangerous substances that continue to be sold to teens who have absolutely no idea what some of those substances contain nor the damage they can do. I am in no way demonizing head shops. I personally still love going shopping in them and looking at the newest products. And I have bought several items that compliment my personal cannabis use.
Smoke shops are businesses that sell tobacco and accessories for smoking tobacco. These include cigars, cigarettes, pipes, loose tobacco, hookah accessories, e-cigarettes and e-liquids. Smoke shops have to abide by state and federal regulations regarding tobacco sales. Which include not selling tobacco or related products to customers under the age of twenty-one.
When it comes to 420 celebrations, headshops are the way to go. But as a word of caution, do your own research about products that you hear are the newest fads. Most of the time the rigorous testing that is required to sell medical or recreational cannabis is not required on “designer drugs.” So, you never quite know what companies are actually using to enhance the psychoactive substances that are in the products. The smoking accessories that I’ve bought are not included in the dangers. It’s the substances that are not regulated that carrying the sometimes-devastating dangers unknown to the public. When all else fails, buy your cannabis from a reputable dispensary. And then go home and get faded in the safety of your home.
“The true face of smoking is disease, death and horror-not the glamour and sophistication the pushers in the tobacco industry try to portray.”
“Never underestimate a cycle breaker. Not only did they experience years of generational trauma, but they stood in the face of the trauma and fought to say, “This ends with me.” This comes at a significant cost. Never underestimate a cycle breaker.”
-Nate Postlewait
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Okie dokie! Today, I want to talk about being a “cycle breaker.” This has been one of the most difficult areas of my life. There have been and still are areas of my life where I’m determined to break the cycle of unhealthy thoughts, behaviors and relationships. Even if you think that your family should be the “example family” for the community, there are probably still issues within your particular family system that has left a legacy of a behavioral way of life. Sometimes this is healthy, dysfunctional or toxic. Even if it appears to primarily affect one person, it’s still an unhealthy family cohesiveness.
I think we first must understand what a “cycle breaker” is. This individual is intentionally trying to change multi-generational family patterns. They have to get down in the gutters into family origins of the behaviors to seek out unhealthy patterns. This person must achieve deep introspection and intentional behavior changes. And “Oh how very frustrating this can be.”
I have already written many times about how familial patterns can affect us all. What frustrated me as a minor was that I felt completely powerless to change anything including myself. What I did was take on the role of a survivor in any way possible. I fought back in ways that scared people. I have fought back in ways that isolated myself. Sometimes I get so triggered by a tone, word or a statement that it throws me back into that fighting stance. And I developed armor that worked so incredibly well for self-preservation. By the time I reached adulthood, the armor that my mind created for itself was one that knew no bounds. Every day of my life involved a fight for survival. But even when I removed myself from the abuse, my brain still thought that it was “fight time.” So, the chaos followed me everywhere I went. I so desperately wanted away from the chaos. But the fact of the matter was that I didn’t know how to operate in healthy relationships.
When I met Mel, I had just left my ex-husband. I had my goal of completing my education and there was nothing that would prevent me from finishing. Somehow, I just knew that education would make a significant difference in my life. What we soon realized was how very deeply rooted my lifetime of trauma was in my ability to function as a professional, spouse, mother, friend and family member. I honestly thought that once I left “him” things would go back to a healthier version of normal. But it absolutely did not! I would have uncontrollable rages that scared everyone that I came in contact with. Many times, I have no recollection of this happening. Then Mel started videoing me when I was like that to show professionals what was happening. She would also show me the video and I was horrified. I clearly remember telling her, “I would never do something like that!” But frame by frame I watched it happen repeatedly. Perplexed by the whole situation, I began trying to really understand my behavior. I didn’t have a therapist, at the time, who could tell me what was happening. I did eventually receive the diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder which answered many questions.
The more I studied myself, the more that I realized that I was carrying on the cycle of past traumas. While my armor worked for many years, it had suddenly become very detrimental. I looked at Mel one day and said, “Oh My God! I’m treating you like he treated me.” To come to that realization was the defining moment of when I decided that I would be a “cycle breaker.” And what a terribly slow and arduous process it has been. I didn’t know how to think. I didn’t understand the intense emotions that I was feeling. And I couldn’t stop the rage no matter what I did. I saw the destruction that I was causing and the effects that it was having on both me and Mel. And it was honestly one of the most devastating points in my life.
I initially had a very compassionate therapist in Albuquerque. Though the depth of my trauma needed more specialization. So, I went to another therapist, who was extremely narcissistic, and began emotionally abusing me. She knew all of my trauma history, but she still dominated me emotionally. And I “cow towed” to her like I was still being controlled by the ex. I stayed much longer than I should’ve. And the damage that was done was colossal.
Mel contacted a professional at a facility and told her about how dire our situation was. It was over a year before I finally decided to go to treatment. I have had some horrible experiences with mental health facilities. And the trauma of that also made me strike out in fear and anger. It’s almost like having a baby with a colic. No matter where I turned, I was scared, and it showed. But through my trauma, I learned that nicely asking someone to stop or leave me alone didn’t work. What did seem to work was aggression. However, now there were no actual threats. They were perceived threats. I felt like I could trust no one. I was drowning in shame and regret. And I was literally dying.
The therapist that I would work with at that facility was absolute fire. She sat with me and truly made a place that was emotionally very safe for me. She provided boundaries that were firm but compassionate. She didn’t show fear about the anger that I was exhibiting. And unbelievably, I was furious that she cared. Because in my mind, everyone has a dark side even those who say their “safe.” And this spicy lady knew her stuff. After my experiences, I saw where the power difference was threatening. I was scared to be vulnerable, yet again, knowing that I could get hurt.
That woman is someone I still call my “coach.” We have been working together for almost 9 years, and because I eventually stepped out into vulnerability and realized that she was truly a “safe” person that she claimed, I started wanting to change the person that I had become. I needed to know the love and compassion in a way that only a stranger can exhibit. And I needed to know that the difficult road ahead would not be one that I would walk alone. I needed to know that when things got bad, she wouldn’t leave me standing with the pieces of my shattered soul in disbelief that it could and would happen again. And she’s been my “ride or die” ever since.
The process has been going on for almost a decade of trying to break the cycle of abuse. It has been more difficult than I care to admit. Along the way, many times the only thing I was able to do in a day was breathe. She stepped up when others said, “Hell No,” to helping me. And despite so many times that I have tried to push her away, she has stayed right there witnessing the miracle happening.
Our families of origin often have problems with healthy functionality. Instead of addressing issues within the system, they say, “Oh we’ll just let it all die down and eventually the issue will go away.” But it doesn’t. In my experience of helping addicts who usually also have mental health issues, the families are often times sicker than the “problem child.” There have been generations of a one-way type of thinking that families think and assert their beliefs that it should continue simply because it’s familial. However, when you look closer the “cycle breaker” , they are sometimes seen as a troublemaker because they step out from the familial shadows and say, “Enough is enough. I will no longer buy into that way of thinking. I will no longer allow unhealthy behaviors to be swept under the rug and conform like I’m expected to do.”
I have had members in my family that have looked at me crazy and run me in the ground for speaking my truth the minute I walk away. And there are some who won’t even acknowledge my existence. These issues never get resolved and are the perfect breeding ground for anger and resentment. And it has continued to fester in my family. Whenever you become vulnerable and stand in your truth, there will be those who inevitably do not like it. Because challenging unhealthy behaviors isn’t easy. It requires a level of vulnerability and self-awareness that most individuals and families want but aren’t willing to do the work to achieve it.
For me, breaking the cycle of dysfunctional thinking and living has been paramount to my survival. I realized that I had to be willing to look at some difficult areas of my life. And to understand many of their origins. I have cried more tears than I can count in doing this work. My relationship with Mel was severely damaged because I wasn’t able to undo the destruction that I had caused. No matter how much I didn’t understand it. No matter how much I didn’t want it to happen. It still did.
I came back from that treatment facility, and I told her, “She’s the one.” And about a year later, I told Mel, “If I don’t move to Texas and do this work, I won’t be alive much longer.” So, as difficult as it was to leave her, I left for Texas. I’ve never regretted my decision. I am living because I got “sick and tired of being sick and tired.” And now when I see red flags about chaos, I do my best to avoid it. However, I will not be pushed around emotionally. I will not have my reality questioned because others are not self-aware enough to realize their own dysfunctional behaviors. That, my friends, is all the confirmation that I need to know that, YES, I am a “cycle breaker.” I might not can change everything. But I can change me. I have the power to break the cycle, and I am doing it. It is becoming my greatest legacy for myself, my children and a little corner of humanity.
“It’s up to us to break generational curses when they say, “it runs in the family” you tell them, “this is where it runs out!”
This Puzzled Life 