“A marijuana high can enhance core human mental abilities.”
-Sebastian Marincolo
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negativity energy, go away. Today, I want to talk to you about a strain called Jelly Breath. And thinking about warm toast with butter and jelly goes perfectly with this one.
The strain Jelly Breath is an indica-dominant hybrid. The genetics are a cross between Mendo Breath x Do-si-do. Now let’s break this down and talk about this strains heritage. Mendo Breath is an indica strain made by crossing OGKB x Mendo Montage. Sounds like dankness to me. And Do-si-do is a cross between OGKB (OG Kush Breath is a Girl Scout Cookies phenotype) x Face Off OG. I don’t know about you, but if a strain has GSC in the lineage, it’s bound to be good.
There is a lot of indica in this strain. Medical benefits provide relief from insomnia, depression, and muscle spasms. And I will agree 100%! The taste is earthy, fruity, and sweet. The major terpenes in this strain are trans-Caryophyllene, Limonene and Linalool. This is considered a top in hybrids for me. Because it gives you just enough “get-up-and-go” to satisfy any smoker without the worry about an anxiety provoking sativa overload. Thanks for reading! And keep blazin.’
Affirmation: Being a stoner has taught me that I can problem solve, build new things and give old things new life.
“A happy arrangement: many people prefer cats to other people and many cats prefer people to other cats.”
-Mason Cooley
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to tell you about a situation that occurred. And, well, it was concerning the specific moment when I had to tell Piper that she was going to get spayed.
Me: “Piper!”
Piper: “Coming momma!”
Me: “What were you three doing?”
Piper: “I had just jumped on Tink’s back and was biting her head. And she was getting mad at me.”
Me: “Well, I need to talk to you about something?”
Coco: “Me and Tink are on the way, momma.”
Me: “Well, it might be good to have you here for support.”
Tink: “Uh-oh. Is everything ok?”
Piper: “What’s the matter momma?”
Me: “Well, when you get to be a certain age you need to have a surgery.”
Tink: “Oh yes! Snip, snip little girl.”
Coco: “Snip! Snip! And it’s going to hurt really bad.”
Me: “Tink! Coco! Ya’ll stop. You’re going to scare her.”
(Piper begins sobbing)
Piper: “Momma, why do you want to make me hurt?”
Me: “Coco and Tink, why did you say that?”
Piper: “Momma, I’m scared!”
Me: “Look, calm down a second. When you get to be a certain age, you must have a surgery to remove your kitten maker.”
Coco: “Snip! Snip!”
Me: “Coco, stop it! Piper, they give you some medicine to make you go to sleep so that you don’t even know that it’s going on.”
Piper: “But momma. What if I wanted to be a momma one day?”
Me: “Piper let me explain something to you. Momma cats don’t just have one kitten. If they had just one, you could have a kitten, and it could live with us. Momma cats have anywhere from 8-12 babies at a time. And we wouldn’t able to keep them. It would be harder on you if I took your babies away from you after you had already bonded with them.”
Piper: “So you’re not doing this to be mean to me?”
Me: “No baby. Tink and Coco did the same thing. And it helps keep you healthier the older you get. If you had a lot of babies and we couldn’t find homes for them all, we would have to take them to the shelter. And there are already too many puppies and kittens who have to do that.I’m just trying to make it easier on you and all of us by doing this. Think about it. If you had 8 kittens. Coco had 8 kittens. And Tink had 8 kittens. What would we have?”
Piper: “A crowd?”
Me: “Yes. And I wouldn’t be able to care for that many.”
Piper: “Ok. Well, I don’t want to be a momma cat to that many babies. But I’m still scared.”
Me: “I know you are. But I will go with you.”
Piper: “You promise?”
Me: “Unless, of course, you know how to drive a vehicle.”
Piper: “No way.”
Me: “I promise you might be a little scared. But you will be fine. And I will go get you whenever they say that you’re safe to come back home. And then we can cuddle, ok?”
Piper: “Ok. Please don’t forget about me.”
Me: “Don’t worry. Me and your sisters would never forget about you.”
Tink: “Piper, we were just messing with you. You will be fine. If you get scared, just ask “tha Jesus” to make you not scared.”
Coco: “Yea, kid. We were just playing with you. I was a little sleepy and sore afterwards. But the doctors will give you some medicine to make you not hurt but just a little bit.”
Piper: “Will you and Tink go with me?”
Coco: “Heck no!”
Piper: “Why not?”
Tink: “Because they take your temperature.”
Piper: “What does that mean?”
Me: “They just want to make sure that you don’t have a fever which would mean that you were sick.”
Piper: “Ok. Well, that doesn’t seem bad.”
(Coco now mumbling)
Coco: “That’s what you think.”
Piper: “What?”
Me: “Coco hush up. Piper, you will be fine.”
Piper: “Ok. Thank ya’ll for explaining things. I feel better. I love you big sissies.”
Coco and Tink: “We love you too, Piper.”
I’m writing this the day after Piper’s surgery. She did fine. And when I picked her up from the vet, except for the fact that she was still a little bit woozy and moving around like she had eaten an entire container of cannabis edibles, she did extremely well. Piper and Tink hissed at her for the next four hours because she and her carrier smelled like Noah’s ark from being around so many other animals, I am currently writing with two of them in my lap. Remember to always spay and neuter your animals. Thanks for reading!
Affirmation: I know when to curl up for a good nap
“Real happiness is cheap enough, yet how dearly we pay for its counterfeit.”
-Hosea Ballou
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about the dangers of fake cannabis vape carts. Most people do not know how to spot the differences. Many parents give their kids money or go personally and buy these vapes. This can be a very costly and even deadly mistake. Even though it is widely accepted for vaping, not all vapes are regulated for safety.
What are fake vapes? They are unregulated, counterfeit products that pose very serious health risks due to unknown and harmful ingredients. They lack safety testing and can contain dangerous chemicals, heavy metals, or inaccurately labeled substances. There is very little, if any, quality control, and safety taken when creating these products (https://southbeachsmoke.com, 2025).
Here are just some of the chemicals and other cutting agents that are used to produce versus legitimate and controlled vapes.
· Vitamin E acetate: A thickening agent found in illicit THC cartridges strongly linked to 2019 EVALI outbreak which caused lung injuries associated with vaping. Thousands were hospitalized and dozens died.
· Pesticides: Lab tests on black market vapes have revealed pesticide levels of a thousand times higher than legal limits.
· Synthetic cannabinoids: Fake THC vapes contain unpredictable synthetic cannabinoids (like K2 or Spice) which have been linked to anxiety, paranoia, seizures, and psychosis.
· Fentanyl and other drugs: Vapes purchased from illicit sources have sometimes been found laced with lethal opioids like fentanyl which can lead to overdose and death.
· Formaldehyde: Some fake vapes have be found to contain levels of carcinogenic chemicals like formaldehyde and acetaldehyde which are found in cigarette smoke.
· Industrial solvents: Other harmful cutting agents like medium-chain triglycerides (MCT) oil and propylene glycol, can become toxic when inhaled.
· Toxic leaching: heating elements and coils of these devices can leach heavy metal like lead, nickel, and antimony into the vape liquid.
· Severe health effects: Inhaling heavy metals can cause neurological damage, respiratory issues, organ failure, and increase cancer risk (https://springboardcenter.org, 2025).
· Poor packaging: Examine the box for blurry printing, misspelled words, inconsistent logos, or a lack of safety seals.
· Missing authentication: Check for a QR code, batch number, or serial number on the package. Reputable brands offer a way to verify product’s authenticity.
· “Too good to be true” price: If a vape is priced significantly cheaper than retailers, it’s likely a counterfeit.
· Unlicensed seller: Only buy from trusted, licensed dispensaries or reputable retailers. Avoid street vendors “plugs” or unverified online sources.
· Odd performance or smell: If the vapor tastes burnt, metallic, or chemically unusual, stop using immediately.
· Suspicious liquid: High-quality vape is typically thick and golden or amber. If the liquid is thin, runny, or unnaturally colored, it could be fake (https://vaping360.com, 2024).
These are products that have been widely accepted among teens and adults. Whenever possible, please by your products from a reputable dispensary versus a smoke or vape shop which are only in the business for money rather than safety. Too many people have been seriously injured or died from fake vapes. Thanks for reading and please make educated decisions about these products.
Affirmation: I prioritize my health and safety by choosing products from reputable sources.
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. This holiday season is Piper’s first. And I have never seen her so happy. She has played so hard with big sisters Coco and Tinkerbell. And I actually saw Coco, the self-assigned mayor of my house, grooming Piper so much that now Piper will randomly walk over to her and put her head down for a little touch up throughout the day. And she is very inquisitive about everything. Check out this conversation!
Piper: “Momma?”
Me: “Yes Piper.”
Piper: “I have so much fun when my brothers come to visit.”
Me: “I know. I do too.”
(I could see the wheels in her little feline brain turning.)
Piper: “Momma, do you know what my favorite time is?”
Me: “Tell me.”
Piper: “It’s when they go home. Those are the best naps ever.”
Me: “Well, little miss you better find some energy because it’s holiday season.”
Piper: “What was it called when we had food all day long?”
Me: “Ummmm…420?”
Piper: “What is that?”
Me: “That’s when we celebrate my “stinky” medicine.”
Piper: “No. It was not long ago.”
Me: “Thanksgiving?”
Piper: “What does that mean?”
Me: “Well, it’s supposed to be about giving thanks for blessings in your life. And spending time with family.”
Piper: “Well, I spent lots of time with my family.”
Me: “ We all love you too. And you were perfect for our family.”
Piper: “I’m thankful that I survived. And I now have my very own family.”
Me: “Awe, we love you too, Piper.”
Piper: “Yummy! What is that?”
Me: “Piper you can’t jump into my plate!!!”
Piper: “Why not? I just want to see it. Smell it. And lick it.”
Me: “Ma’am, you must learn some manners.”
Piper: “But it smells so good. And it makes me hungry.”
Me: “Piper, people do not like cats who are overly nosy especially when their eating.”
Piper: “But I’m just a baby kitty.”
Me: “Stop being cute, right now!”
Piper: “But momma, I can’t help it.”
Me: “I will give you a bite. But you have to wait until I’m ready.”
(Approximately 30 seconds goes by and she starts swatting at my hand.)
Me: “Piper stop trying to grab my food! and stay out of my drink!
Piper: “I’m trying to do Thanksgiving.”
Me: “Coco, Tink, come get your sister!”
(I soon hear jingling bells alerting me to there whereabouts.)
Coco: “On my way momma!”
Tink: “Me too!”
(They come running and gasp when they see me.)
Tink: “Piper, No!!!!”
Coco: “Holy Catnip! What are you doing?!”
Piper: “I just want a bite.”
Coco: “Get down here, Piper!”
Piper: “What now?!”
Coco: “First come here. Your catlick is all messed up.”
(Coco begins grooming Piper.)
Tink: “Piper, you cannot do that! Never ever jump in momma’s plate. She will give you a bite. But you can’t rush her because she’ll go crazy. Do you want to be sprayed with the water bottle?”
Piper: “Heck No!”
Tink: “Yea. We don’t like it either. We just stop doing what got us sprayed.”
Piper: “Oh ok. I’m just hungry.”
Tink: “If you stop, and sit there quiet like you’re supposed to that’s called manners.”
Piper: “Wow! How do you know all of that?”
Coco: “Because we were kittens once too.”
Piper: “I’m so glad you guys are my family. Who else would give me baths?”
Coco and Tink: “We love you too.”
Coco: “We just want you to grow up and be a successful grown cat like we are.”
Piper: “Happy Holidays, big sissies!”
Coco and Tink: “Happy Holidays and catnip dreams to you Piper!”
Affirmation: I will not hesitate to ask for what I need.
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negativity energy, go away. Today, I want to talk about a strain called “Cereal Milk.” I don’t know about you, but I love to turn up the milk in my bowl and drink the leftover cereal milk. Let’s talk for a minute.
Cereal Milk is a balanced hybrid for a well-rounded sesh. And the taste from beginning to end is one of sweet creaminess. And it’s not a really dank smelling strain. And the genetics are Snowman x Y-Life. On closer look Snowman is another phenotype of Girl Scout Cookies. . Y-Life is a cross of Gelato x OG Kush. These genetics are off the hinge! GSC and OG Kush is all that needs to be said. The initial high is very cerebral with a nice balancing body high.
Medical patients report relief from symptoms like chronic stress, nausea or appetite loss, chronic fatigue, depression, migraines, and chronic pain. Major terpenes are trans-Caryophyllene, Linalool, a-Humulene. In my opinion this strain could be for anyone novice or seasoned. And it would be one good right before work or at lunch. This one has helped me stay more focused and adjust my attitude for the better. Thanks for reading. Keep blazin.’
Affirmation: Cannabis is a tool that enhances focus and awareness.
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today is a very special day. It’s my oldest son, Marshall, birthday. Fourteen years ago today, after thirty-six hours of labor, Marshall made his entrance into the world. I will say with confidence that I was NOT the one who gave birth. And from that moment, my life was, once again, forever changed.
Our dreams as parents became a reality when our little preemie boy entered the world. And, boy, did he make the sun shine brighter that day. Within moments, we went from sleeping late anytime we wanted to, to now being very protective of this little boy who would call us moms. And now there was a little being that we would literally sacrifice everything for.
Our beautiful little boy name, Marshall Lake Landrum-Arnold, would struggle at the beginning of his life just trying to maintain his own body temperature and learning how to eat and put healthy weight on his tiny, little body. That first year was not easy by any means. And I speak for myself when I say that I was so happy that he arrived. But I was terrified of now being responsible for raising him to adulthood. And I was scared that I would not be enough.
His health scares and concerns were extremely stressful for us as a new family. And for once, I knew what it felt like to be completely helpless and not be able to “quick fix” a situation. But I finally understood the mysterious love between a parent and a child. This little boy, I knew, would change the world even if it was for two lesbian moms.
It has been the most frustrating, difficult, and rewarding job that I never thought possible. Now, fourteen years later, our little preemie is in the throws of puberty. He has a deep voice, peach fuzz, and an almost never-ending attitude. And first thing every morning he hisses and has the most ruthless cause of “bedhead” that I’ve ever seen. But he’s still my little boy.
He was beautiful the moment he entered the world. And he’s still beautiful now. He is the smartest and most caring boy that still loves to hang out with momma and laugh. Now it’s not wanting a bottle and a nap. It’s video games, nerf guns, weird music, a voracious appetite, band practice, books, and a mood swing that is constantly going back and forth. But he’s still my little boy.
We don’t live together now, but he always lives within me. From the moment I wake up until the moment I go to sleep, my thoughts always hold in the recesses of my mind, the many fears of being a parent. You can have many children, but there is only one first born. And as a first born myself, I try to impress upon him the importance about his role as a big brother. He has dreams and aspirations that I watch change sometimes daily.
Happy Birthday to you my beautiful boy! I look forward to many more years of watching you develop and become a man. While also knowing that three moms can raise a son without a man successfully. I love you more than life. And I thank you for making me a mom and changing my life. I will continue to love you unconditionally no matter what path in life you take. Because the sky is the limit for you. Hug your children because they won’t be babies for very long. Thanks for reading!
“Policy made without open hearings can lead to unintended harm and fuel the very unregulated market lawmakers aim to prevent.”
-Justin Eve, Hemp Grower
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Ok, so today I want to tell you about the recent nationwide banning of hemp. And this is about to heavily affect people’s lives. I can say personally that I’m very disappointed. Let me explain everything that is going on and what to keep an eye on.
With the recent government shutdown and eventual reopening, the spending bill called the Continuing Appropriations and Extension Act of 2026 had nestled in its grasp was a new law that changed the THC limit from .3% delta-9-THC to .3% total THC. This action has closed the loophole in the 2018 Farm Bill which allowed for people to find relief when medical cannabis was not available. The new restrictions specifically prohibits products containing more than .4 mgs of total THC per container and bans the use of synthetic or artificial derived cannabinoids.
What does this mean? This means that the cap on THC will now prevent people from getting much needed relief and, once again, pushes consumers to the black market for products. Now, I was not in favor of these products because they were not regulated and gave cannabis a bad name by allowing irresponsible teens to have access to “gas station” and “headshop” products which have made people very sick. This includes CBD, THCa, delta-8, delta-9, edibles and vapes. As usual, though, instead of creating reforms to protect consumers, they have essentially made the products useless. I’m all about regulation because when it’s not regulated there are no testing safety standards that are required for medical cannabis. Therefore, there’s actually no telling what is in these products.
There are full spectrum products that contain THC and other compounds. Broad spectrum products that contain cannabinoids, which many use synthetics, but not the THC to get you high. And isolate products such as delta-8 and delta-9 which are primarily just isolated THC molecules.
The opposition states that the products are allowed to continue getting people high. Ok, well, the loophole allowed these products to have THCa because it was not THC. The conversion happens when a heat source like a lighter or an oven is used to release the psychoactive effects of the plant. So, essentially the product was still weed that would get you high. The difference is what stage the plant is harvested.
Many people use CBD, which is a cannabinoid found in the cannabis plant, to help relief the uncomfortable effects of many conditions. So now, because of the limits, this relief would require copious amounts of those same products, which is not practical or affordable. This is set to go into effect on November 18, 2026. You might be asking yourself why so far away?
This allows for further legislation which is already in the works to keep these products on the market safely. However, now this will be a federal ban on hemp products which will supersede state governance. The hemp industry is estimated to be supported by 300,000 jobs. And the economic estimates are $28.4 billion in annual sales. The time period allows industry to adapt and to potentially establish a regulatory framework. It also allows federal agencies like the FDA to clarify specific definitions and for the states to determine how they will interpret the federal restrictions within their own cannabis laws. And an immediate ban would have caused immediate chaos and economic disruption (www.thehill.com, 2025).
If something isn’t done, the redefinition of hemp will recriminalize most existing intoxicating hemp products which will now impose new, very low THC limits per container. For patients not living in a medical cannabis state, hemp-derived products were their only legal access to certain cannabinoids. The ban would eliminate the alternative completely. And it would limit patient access to only FDA approved drugs with only CBD and no THC (www.statnews.com, 2025).
And what organizations are funding this bill? You got it! Major alcohol industry companies such as: American Distilled Spirits Alliance, Beer Institute, Distilled Spirits Council of the United States, Wine America, and Wine Institute, pushed towards this ban as well as other retail giants such as Coca-Cola, Nestle, General Mills, Bacardi North America, and Moet Hennessy USA (https:mjbizdaily.com, 2025). Key congressional figures include Mitch McConnell, Dick Durbin, Tammy Duckworth, Brian Mast, and Nancy Mace (https://stateline.org, 2025). Please contact your congress men and women to urge a protective framework rather than a full ban. Those whose quality of life depends on it. Thanks for reading!
Affirmations: My body is filled with healing energy whenever I use hemp products.
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to tell you about the “hash hole” or “doughnut” that I will use to celebrate National Hash Hole Day. The strain that I’m going to tell you about is called Zoo Dog.
Zoo Dog is a 70/30 indica-dominant hybrid. It is a cross between Gorilla Glue #4 x Chemdawg. Gorilla Glue #4 is a three way cross between Chem’s Sister x Sour Dubb x Chocolate Diesel. Chemdawg is an indica-dominant hybrid whose exact lineage is unknown. The genetics in this strain are amazing. GG #4 x Chemdawg were some of the first specific strains that tried when I initially got on medical cannabis. These strains are fire on their own. But with the combination of these strains and then a nice strip of concentrate is absolutely a bonfire.
The top terpenes in this strain are Limonene, Humulene, Isopulegol, and B-Caryophyllene. Patients report relief from conditions such as chronic pain, depression, headaches, migraines, anxiety, sleep, and stress. What I can personally tell you about my experience is that you better take your Cheetos to the couch with you. This infused preroll that is sitting at 43.04% will have you growing into the fabric of the couch or recliner within a few tokes. Thanks for reading! Keep blazin.’
Affirmation: My body is filled with healing energy whenever I inhale cannabis.
“I’m not a great pothead or anything like that…but weed is much, much less dangerous than alcohol.”
-Bill Maher
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about the cannabis holiday 11/30.
The cannabis holiday was developed by adding the well-known cannabis holidays 4/20 and the cannabis concentrate holiday 7/10. Together they form a holiday that is about the combination of concentrates and flower. And since Thanksgiving is synonymous with gorging ourselves with food, edibles also seem like a good fit. There are other products known as “doughnuts” or “hash holes.”
The new holiday began November 30, 2023, in Los Angeles and was called National Hash hole Day. It consists of a fat joint of high-quality cannabis with a rosin-filled center. And when it burns there is a hold that is formed all the way down the center. As someone who enjoys these types of products, I can say with confidence that you need to make sure that you have nothing to do. It is a very strong high that has the ability to couch lock you for a couple of hours. It’s like smoking flower and hitting dabs all at the same time (https://www.visithollyweed.com/first-annual-national-hashhole-day-on-11-30-features-berner-marcos-surita/, 2023).
Thanks for reading! Have a safe and happy National Hash Hole Day!
Affirmation: I only share my kindest buds with my kindest buds, and vice versa.
***Don’t forget to watch the video! Because of the cannabis content I wasn’t able to embed the link. But the link is right down there.***
“I don’t smoke weed to escape reality. I smoke it to make reality funnier.”
-Unknown
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negativity energy, go away. This little genetically mysterious strain that will help with the stress of the “Black Friday” hoopla.
Black Velvet is a 50/50 hybrid with rumors of the genetics being a cross between The Black X Burmese Kush. The Black is a 90% indica-dominant hybrid that is derived from Afghan, Vietnamese, and Mexican landraces. But the exact genetics I have yet to find. Burmese Kush is a cross between Burmese x SFV OG Kush (San Fernando Valley).
The major terpene found is Pinene. And this is usually the terpene that handles the added dose of anxiety. However, the dark strains are typically indica-dominant. This will help tremendously with that tiring day of shopping. Patients have reported relief from anxiety, some chronic pain, glaucoma, bipolar disorder with associated mood swings, and eating disorders. Keep blazin.’ And stay safe.
Affirmation: I am choosing a strain and dosage that supports my intentions and enhances my experience.
“Time spent with cats is never squandered, it’s ‘purr’fect!”
-Unknown
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. I’ve told you how bad my girls are at playing hide-and-seek. And Piper is no different. Apparently, she and her sisters have been discussing how to play the game. Piper was so excited to show me what she had learned. I held my breath and prepared for the negative impact. And well….she might also have deficits in this area of her life. Read our conversation and draw your own conclusion on the future of my cats and their abilities to play a commonly played childhood game known as Hide-And-Seek. I am busy writing, and I overhear the girls talking about playing the game. So, I listen closer. Check out this interaction.
Coco: “Here let me show you what I’m talking about. Always remember, if you can’t see them, they can’t see you.”
Tink: “Yea. It’s pretty easy when you get the hang of it. I don’t know why momma got us a tutor.”
(The girls show Piper their version of the game.)
Piper: “Oh yes! I’ve got it now. But momma always tells me that I’m wrong.”
Coco: “Piper, one thing you have to understand is that we allow momma to think she’s right. But we do our own thing anyway. Except when she says, “TREAT OR COOKIE.” Then, we just act insanely happy and meow as much and as loud as you can. Those are the rules.”
Tink: “You have to train momma. She brings me my treats, or she throws them to me. And it’s really fun when she puts them all over the house for us to find. Then we show her who are the real stars of the game. It’s not about what’s true. It’s all about what is perceived.”
Piper: “Wow! Did momma teach you that?”
Tink: “No, the president did.”
Me: “Hold up girls! What are you talking about?”
Coco: “We were just teaching Piper how to play hide-and-seek.”
Me: “But ya’ll don’t even know how to hide appropriately.”
Coco: “Well, we are working with a tutor.”
Me: “True you are. But I think we need someone who will push you harder.”
Piper: “But I’m learning how to play.”
Me: “Ok. Show me what you’ve got.”
(They form a huddle and talk in private.)
Coco: “Ok. Ready. Break! Momma start counting.”
They all take off looking for the perfect hiding spot.
Me: “7…8…9…10! Ready or not, here I come!”
Everything is eerily quiet.
Coco:
Tink:
Piper:
Me: “I found all of you!”
Coco: “Piper, run like you stole something!”
Tink: “I concede to defeat.”
Me: “Really Tink?! Why?”
Tink: “Because I want to take a nap now.”
Piper: “I made it back to the base. Do we get a cookie now?
Coco: “Cookies? Who said, “Cookies? Meow! Meow!”
Piper: “Meow! Meow! Meow!”
Me: “Girls, that doesn’t mean that you get treats!”
Coco and Piper: “Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow!”
Me: “Girls, hush!”
Coco and Piper: “Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow!”
Me: “Ok! Ok! Just hush!”
Coco: “See, you play the game just like that, Piper. Everyone is a winner!”
Tink: “Momma, please bring me my treats!”
Me: “Fine just be quiet.”
Coco: “Winner. Winner. Chicken cookie dinner!”
As you can see, the girls have their own agenda. And please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we try to survive as a family. Thanks for reading!
“The best way I could describe the effect of the marijuana and hashish is that it would make me relaxed and creative.”
-Steve Jobs
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. I’m going to tell you about a strain that will be the perfect “get up and go” that you need to help make it through this Thanksgiving Holiday and beyond.
Green Crack was the name that Snoop Dogg gave to the strain Green Cush. It is a sativa hybrid that will give you a shot of energy and a calmness for dealing with all of the crowds surrounding Thanksgiving. I will warn you about this strain being known to cause an increase in anxiety. For those that enjoy sativas, I will not fight you for this one. But for people like us who have panic attacks, this is an arch nemesis.
This strain’s genetics are a cross between Skunk #1 x and an unknown indica. It’s a 65/35 sativa dominant. And trust me, it’s very sativa. The top terpenes in this strain are myrcene, caryophyllene, and pinene. Pinene is the big anxiety terpene. The other two are used with pain which is usually seen in indica-dominant strains. Don’t get too brave with this one if you have anxiety.
The taste is one that is a mixture of fruity, pine and sweet. And if I’m honest, I would tell you that the taste is actually pretty good compared to heavy indicas that taste hazy. Medical benefits include depression, ADHD, migraines, fatigue, bipolar, chronic pain, appetite, and stress.
The opinion about the effects of this strain are mine only. However, it might work differently for you. The beauty of cannabis is that there is no “one size fits all.” What works for me might not work for you and vice versa. Thanks for reading! Keep blazin’!
Affirmation: I love that I love weed as much as I love weed.
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
-Terry Pratchett
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about what it’s like living with Piper. She is finally coming into her own and getting bigger every day. Check this out!
Piper: “Momma help me!”
Me: “What is the problem, Piper?”
Piper: “Tink bit my butt for no reason!”
Me: “Did you do anything to her?”
Piper: “No! She just bit me for no reason!”
Tink: “Piper you cowabungaed my head!”
Piper: “No I didn’t! Fluff off!”
Tink: “What did you say? You little feline fluff ball?”
Piper: “I promise! I did nothing wrong!”
Me: “Piper, the collected evidence shows that you, in fact, jumped on Tink’s head without provocation.”
Piper: “Momma, I’m just a little kitty!”
Me: “And you are responsible for your own kitty actions.”
Tink: “Ha! Ha! I told you, you little snack stealer!”
Piper: “Momma said that I was growing and needed more than anyone else.”
Me: “Piper, I did not! Coco, do you care to chime in?”
Coco: “Hear no evil. See no evil. Speak no evil.”
Piper: “Well, that’s what I heard you say.”
Me: “When, ma’am?”
Piper: “The other night when I was asleep.”
Me: “Piper, that must’ve been while you were dreaming.”
Piper: “Well, you still said it no matter if I was awake or asleep.”
Me: “Piper, you must share your snacks just like you want me to share everything that I eat.”
Piper: “Well, I’m just curious and want to know what you’re eating?”
Me: “By jumping on me and into my plate?”
Piper: “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”
Thanks for reading! Life with my girls is full of laughs and love. They are my family. Keep moving forward and always spay and neuter you pets.
Affirmation: I deserve every snack and piece of food that I find.
“Kush rolled, glass full. I prefer the better things.”
-Rihana
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negativity energy, go away. Today, I want to discuss a cannabis strain called Moroccan Peaches. And peachy it is!
I don’t know about you. But when I heard this name, I instantly thought about a warm peach cobbler. I know. It’s a very southern thought. This strain is considered a 50/50 hybrid. And I would have to put it above the hybrid strain Pink Peanut. But not by much.
The genetics for this strain is a cross of Spanish Barbara x Lemon Tree Skorange. Let’s look at the genetics a little closer. Spanish Barbara is known for its Barbara Bud #23 phenotype. It’s also known for being a sativa-dominant plant with a peach aroma. And I can tell you that the peachy flavors come through so well. From the minute you inhale, the peach aroma follows the entire experience. And before you can exhale this strain hits with gusto.
Lemon Tree Skorange is also a 50/50 hybrid strain known for its lemon flavor profile. And it is believed to be a cross between Lemon Skunk x Sour Diesel. Skorange is a hybrid of Cali O and OG Kush. And deep in its lineage is THC Bomb. Which is responsible for having a lemon scent and OG Kush dankness.
Moroccan Peaches hits your brain hits your brain with energy but also with a nice indica balance. And for me, it made me a little “chatty Kathy.” Patients report relief from chronic stress, chronic fatigue, depression, mood swings, migraines, and PMS. Terpene profile include B-Caryophyllene, Limonene, and a-Humulene. Thanks for reading. And keep blazin.’
Affirmation: Happiness is a journey, not a destination, and cannabis keeps it smooth sailing.
“Cats have nine lives-three for playing, three for straying, and three for staying.”
-English Proverb
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about the continued struggles with my cats and playing “hide-and-seek” troubles.
I had hope when Piper joined our family that the remedial work would be successful. However, my girls will probably always be deficient in this area of their lives. I will now show you some of their efforts trying to change their ways. Sadly, they are still coming up short.
Thanks for reading. And keep me and the girls in your thoughts and prayers as we are always looking for solutions to this cat-tastrophy.
Affirmation: You are beautiful. It’s a good day to be a cat.
“Weed taught me patience. Mostly because I forget what I was doing.”
-Unknown
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negativity energy, go away. Today, I want to tell you about the strain known as Candied Apples. This one fits the time of year perfectly.
Candied Apples is a sativa-dominant hybrid that is a cross between Blueberry x Pineapple x Afghan. Blueberry is an indica-dominant hybrid cross between Purple Thai x Thai. Pineapple also known as “Pineapple OG” hybrid of possible genetics between OG Kush x Golden Goat x Pineapple Kush. Afghan is a naturally occurring stain in the Hindu Kush area of Afghanistan with minimal human influence. Thank you to the indica-dominant strains for taming the sativa influence.
Top terpenes include Pinene, Myrcene and Limonene. And it has been known to provide relief from depression, stress, and anxiety. Even though this strain shows a slight dominance of sativa in the terpenes, I didn’t have to worry about the additional anxiety. Another great lunchtime strain. Keep blazin.’ And stay safe.
Affirmation: I am using cannabis mindfully to achieve my goals, whether it’s focus, relaxation, or creativity.
“Some of my finest hours have been spent on my back veranda, hemp and observing as far as my eye can see.”
-Thomas Jefferson
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negativity energy, go away. Today, I want to review the strain Banana Cream Pie. Yep, doesn’t it sound like a strain that would go well during the Thanksgiving holiday? Sit tight, while I describe this nice add to the holidays.
Banana Cream Cake a.k.a Banana Cake is a sativa-dominant hybrid. This strain is made by crossing Wedding Cake x Monkey Banana. This has become one to add to my list of likes. With it being a sativa-dominant strain, I was a little skeptical about whether I would like it. But this little girl is a nice strain.
This strain hit me directly in the eyes like a prized fighter. But it’s not too anxiety provoking. I would be cautious with novice users. Because it will sneak up on you with it’s powerful kick. Patients choose this strain to help with symptoms of chronic depression, anxiety, and pain. I know. There is enough indica in it to tame that anxiety associated with sativas.
This strain was on Leafly’s top 12 strains of 2022 harvest. And what a sweet beauty she is. The sweetness of vanilla combined with chestnuts give this strain a sweet and hardy flavoring. Dominant terpenes are Limonene, trans-Caryophyllene and Linalool. Those with anxiety issues can enjoy but need to be careful and not overdo it.
Thanks for reading! Keep smilin’ and blazin.’
Affirmation: I am grateful for how cannabis expands my creative ability.
“Pawsitively bewitched by my furry friend’s cuteness.”
-Unknown
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about not forgetting our pets on Halloween. They secretly despise you for the costumes that you pick out. All they wanted was to be a part of the family. And they had no idea that they would be subject to such cruelty. Poor them. I don’t find any of that cruelty. I love seeing our pets dressed up as almost anything. Here are a few of these pets and their personal opinions concerning Halloween costumes. See if you agree. In
Snoop Dogg
“Fo shizzle my nizzle.”
Colin Oscopy
“Dr Patio Furniture ER Stat!”
Charlie
“A cow?! With utters?! I’m eating the couch pillows when we get home.”
Pudding
“Seriously? I have my head in a hamburger right now?!”
Sister Mary Clarence
“May God forgive you for your sin of dressing me up as a nun.”
Wendy
“How do you live with yourself?”
Jess Kidding
“Let me tell you all the reasons why I hate you.”
Nico Time
“What in the absolute Hell have you done?!”
Cheetolini
“You should go to prison!”
“The Angry Yam”
“You should go to prison twice!”
Power Serge
“A Beanie Baby?! Please tell me it isn’t so.”
Capital Splatter
“I AM CHUCKY!”
Perv Griffins
“This is your fetish! Not mine!”
Rocky and Apollo
“We are calling the ASPCA!”
Thanks for reading! Happy Halloween to you and your pets. Happy Haunting!
Affirmation: I am worthy despite my owner/owners ideas about costumes.
I am the light you tried to strangle, the light you tried to stifle in your chokehold.
But my light bled all over the pages of your book, your preconceived narratives, your filthy words and your attempts to bring terror back into the blank space of my eyes.
Who am I?
I’ll tell you who I am.
I birthed revolution in my bones like the many women that came before me.
I ignited flames beneath my skin, using the fiery spirits of women who walked beside me
as matches; we breathed fire into each other’s hearts until the world could see us and from the ashes we were reborn.
Who am I?
I’ll tell you who I am.
I am the fear in your hatred, the pain that you tried to use to violate my sacred spaces, rip me apart until I was nothing,
but I knew I would always be something, somebody, and now I am.
I am layers and layers of the love and power that act as your kryptonite,
and with the words and actions of all those who rose with me, I’ll build an impenetrable wall.
Who am I?
I am the thing that nightmarish people have nightmares about,
wake up sweating about, thinking about —
their furrowed brows tense with self-doubt —
wondering if I and the other warriors I march with could ever come back to life.
Who am I?
I am the restless rebel you tried to bury,
the one you tried to pull out by the root and eradicate when she began to grow from the seed.
Who am I?
I’ll tell you who I am.
I am the girl you left for dead thinking she’d always fall and never rise again.
I am the girl you cut with your razor blade wrath, the girl you thought would never fight back.
I am the girl you underestimated, the woman you tormented, the child whose shackles you tightened.
Who am I?
I think you already know –
I think you understand.
I am the prisoner you tried to cage, the little girl you made afraid –
I am the woman who never gave up, the one who exposed your charade —
Who am I?
I am everything and anything that you will stand againstto try to regain control.
For every source of darkness, there is a bleeding soul,
one that shines so brightly that the entire war zone becomes illuminated.
I am the truth, your karma, the revolt —
I am the resistance, the pieces you tried to keep shattered, coming back together again.
I emerge quietly, but I resound loudly —reverberate through your skin.
My power was never yours, and it was never yours to take.
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to share a strain that keeps with the image of Halloween. It’s a paranormal strain known as Ghost Vapor OG. This little beauty is one to help keep you beautifully high.
Ghost Vapor OG is an indica-dominant hybrid cross between Purple Punch x Ghost OG. And if we want to dive into the “grandparent” strains, Purple Punch is a cross of Grandaddy Purple x Larry OG. And Ghost OG is a cross of Afghani Indica x OG Kush. It’s said to be similar to the strain Brue Banner. Top terpenes are a-Bisabolol, B-Myrcene, and a-Pinene. There is supposed to be a heavy pine taste. However, I’m using a concentrated vape cart. The taste has zero pine taste. It has a sweet taste instead.
On a 5 scale this product is a solid 4. It’s one that needs to be used with caution with novice users. The medical effects include treating anxiety, stress and also helps with depression. I also used it for chronic pain. And it’s said to also be good for the pain of arthritis, headaches and back pain. And I totally agree. Thanks for reading! Keep smiling. And keep blazin’!
Affirmation: I am worthy of being hydrated, high, and happy.
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to tell you about a strain called Soul Assassin. As domestic violence awareness month winds down and seeing the damage that abuse can do to someone, I thought that the cannabis strain for today was absolutely perfect. Because of being trapped mentally or physically from seeking freedom, often times for years, it feels like the perpetrator has literally assassinated your soul.
Soul Assassin is a heavy indica-dominant hybrid. Domestic violence is something heavy that is like a wrecking ball in the victim’s life. But this strain is heavy in regard to healing. It’s just what the doctor order for the overstimulation of PTSD. The genetics of this strain is a cross between OG Kush x Sour Diesel. Most like myself, who have been in the cannabis community for many years, know that these are a couple strains that many would consider staples. OG Kush is a cross between Hindu Kush x Lemon Thai x Chemdawg. Sour Diesel is a cross between Northern Lights x Chemdawg.
The medical benefits associated with this strain include relief from insomnia, anxiety, mood disorders, stress, chronic pain, depression, and inflammation. The top terpenes are B-myrcene, terpinolene, B-Pinene. I got a lot of relief with this strain. I would also encourage you to plan on not going anywhere. As “couchlock” can be a reality. Thanks for reading! Keep blazin.’
Affirmation: I smoke my weed and mind my business.
“Trauma Bonding is like being a hostage who has developed an irrational affection for your captor. They can abuse you, torture you, even threaten to kill you, and you’ll remain inexplicably and disturbingly loyal.”
– Ann Clendening.
I posted this today to help give you a voice to your own abuser/abusers. I have been in therapy for many years, and sometimes, I even doubt these words. The problem is that we were so indoctrinated with their beliefs, comments, gas lighting, manipulation, and co-dependency that we formed a something called “trauma bonding.”
Trauma Bonding is an unhealthy emotional attachment that develops between a victim and their abuser. It is a complex issue that occurs in different abusive situations that include physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. But it’s also important to note that not everyone who goes through abuse forms a trauma bond. However, some people may be more prone to forming a trauma bond due to the early experiences as a form of repetition compulsion https://www.attachementproject.com, 2025). This can happen in domestic abuse, child abuse, elder abuse, exploitative employment, kidnapping or hostage-taking, human trafficking, and religious extremism or cults (https://medicalnewstoday.com, 2023).
Characteristics of Trauma Bonding:
· Intermittent Reinforcement: The abuser cycles between periods of abuse and kindness creating a sense of hope and dependence in the victim. Victims of abuse may be waiting for that next “feel-good moment” in the relationship that also keeps them trapped in a cycle of abuse and relief (https://www.domesticshelters.org, 2021).
v This is also how many addictions keep you stuck. If everything were bad all of the time, you would grow tired and leave. But the intermittent reinforcement is how they maintain control.
· Isolation: The abuser often isolates the victim from their support system, making them more vulnerable and reliant on the abuser ((https://medicalnewstoday.com, 2023).
v I was not completely isolated physically from my support systems. But emotionally I was very isolated. He constantly told me that my friends and family didn’t have my best interest at hand. He would make up lies about things they said and assassinate their character behind their backs.
· Fear and Insecurity: The victim experiences constant fear and insecurity, leading them to believe that they cannot escape the abusive situation (https://www.savantcare.com,2023).
v The constant fear and insecurity that I experienced was, in fact, my prison cell. And I was afraid to leave even when the door was wide open.
· Justification: The victim may rationalize the abuser’s actions or blame themselves for the abuse (https://thriveworks.com, 2024).
v I was conditioned to believe that everything I did that made him angry was my fault. And it wasn’t. Now, I can see that his actions were because of his behavior, not mine.
· Emotional Manipulation: The abuser uses emotional manipulation to control the victim’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors (https://wondermind.com, 2023).
v This right here was the #1 key factor for why I wouldn’t leave. He even told me, “No other man would ever put up with the things that I have to deal with in you. All of the good things about you, which aren’t many, are because of me. You are useless without me. I have given you everything you wanted. And disobeying me is the thanks that I get? Why do you need anti-depressants when there is no reason that you should be depressed.
Trauma bonding kept me trapped in an abusive situation. People have said, “Why didn’t you just leave?” The problem lies in the way they you manipulate you into believing that everything bad that happens, no matter how minor, is the victim’s fault. And day after day, their hold strengths without you even realizing it. And in my case, I felt as though I was responsible for their thoughts and feelings. I constantly strived to be “good enough” or “well deserving enough” to see the person that he told and showed me he could be when we met. And quite frankly, it was always just a game. Their abusive self is “the real them.” Believe your instincts and the colors in which they present themselves. For that is who they truly are.
If you have read through this and have never been in a situation where everything you do is being controlled, consider yourself lucky. But don’t you dare sit there and say, “It was their own fault that they didn’t leave.” That is one of the most callous things that you can say to someone who is currently trying to survive and those that have survived finally leaving that situation no matter how long it took.
You have absolutely no right to tell me or anyone else how we should feel simply because you have not experienced it. I stayed much longer than I should’ve. And there are times when I still beat myself up for it. Now though, I give myself some grace for not knowing how to leave or recognizing what was going on in plain sight. It’s not just one event that causes this. It’s something that happens every single day methodically planned and executed by the warden in the relationship.
Once you leave, I highly recommend getting into therapy. Just because you think that no damage has occurred, doesn’t mean that it hasn’t happened. Even now, 19 years later since I left him, I have phobias, anxiety, depression, difficulty concentrating, and difficulty making decisions. He has left a mark that will last a lifetime. And some of the things that he did I’ll never recover from. He once told me, “You’ll never be without me no matter what you do!” And the truth is that, while he still doesn’t have total control over me, I still allow parts of him to live rent free in my head.
The next post will be something that represents those of us who have managed to leave and have an understanding through therapy how and where to put the responsibility where it truly belongs, on them.
To those who are still in these types of relationships, I see you even when you don’t openly identify yourself. To those who have left and still live in fear, I see you and you’re not alone. To those of us who continue to strive to change those hard-core beliefs that were instilled by way of threats, intimidation, and violence, I see you as well. None of you are alone. And not all relationships are like this.
Find a therapist that you trust and open your soul to them. Coach has been a lifeline of compassion and understanding for me that I’ve rarely experienced. And she has never made fun of or questioned why I didn’t leave. Unconditional support and her teachings have made life possible for me many lonely nights. I will probably always struggle with some things and that’s ok. This process is certainly a marathon instead of a sprint. And there is no time limit for healing. The whole point is to continue showing up and moving forward in whatever way that might take shape. You are not on an island like you think. There are millions of us both male and female who struggle with the effects and consequences of domestic violence and abuse.
You are loved. You are wanted. And you deserve the good things that life has to offer. Thanks for reading! And I hope you look for the next blog in a couple of days that I post that will help you begin to find your voice. The power to heal is now and ours.
Affirmation: My story has power and inspiration through it.
“The connection between domestic violence and animal cruelty is so significant that it is commonly referred to simply as “the Link.” Perpetrators of domestic violence often threaten harm or bring actual harm to their victims’ pets in order to control them, keep victims from leaving, or to punish them for actually leaving or attempting to leave.”
-ASPCA.org
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to discuss domestic violence and pets. I won’t pretend that this topic is going to be easy to digest. However, it’s one that needs to be brought into the light.
Many of us sometimes love our animals more than people. I know, speaking only for myself, that my animals have always been a source of comfort, unconditional love, and understanding that many people can’t fully embody. They have never spoken a word as their compassion is in their eyes. And all they ask for is to be fed and also loved in return. That is, it. Nothing more. Nothing less.
My personal experience with domestic violence is knowing that absolutely nothing is off limits. And it is their cruelty that can always get worse. Do some abusers change? Yes. But if they are not willing to do self-reflection and to look at their own traumas and behaviors, then they will not change. And most blame their actions on the victim.
Please Read The Following:
Up to 75% of women entering DV shelters report that their abuser threatened, harmed, or killed their pets in the presence of children (safehouse.org, 2024).
Up to 65% of domestic violence victims and 48% of battered women remain in abusive homes out of fear for their pets.
Only around 5% of U.S. shelters have any kind of housing for pets of domestic violence victims (https://www.drmartybecker.com, 2017).
Why Do Abuser Use Pets To Terrorize Their Human Partners?
· Creating fear: Abusers may torture or kill a pet to demonstrate what they are capable of doing to their human victim or their children.
v There were many times when I saw and heard my ex-husband’s violence against my animals. He would muzzle my outside dogs all night long most of the time. And he would beat my cats with a belt if they meowed at night. He also scared my cats so much with a broom that they began to have a very strong fear reaction for many years following me leaving him.
· Leverage to prevent escape: Many women fear for their pet’s safety is the primary reason they delay leaving an abusive relationship.
v One of his favorite things to say was, “One day you’re going to look up and all of your animals will be gone. You just might come home one day, and they will have vanished.”
· Punishment and retaliation: Abusers may harm a pet as punishment for a perceived transgression or in retaliation for a partner trying to leave.
v After 13 years of being in a domestic violence situation, and over a year of planning my departure, I left him hoping things would cool down enough to go back and get my animals as a way of saying, “I’m done.” Two weeks later, I went back to retrieve my animals, and most had been starved. There was no water. A few of the ones remaining had been eaten by other animals or were mysteriously cut in half. On that day, I was able to get out two cats and my African Grey parrot. Only three of the many that I owned. My cats were starving and had old, moldy food. My bird had moldy food and dirty water. My outside cats were nowhere to be found. And my dogs had been shot which was witnessed by a neighbor. And the sights and smells can never be undone.
· Forcing participation: Some women survivors tell about how they were forced to participate in illegal acts under threat of harm to their pets.
v Luckily, I was never forced to do this. Because they would’ve had to do something for me. Because I don’t have the capability to hurt my pets.
“Seeing her hurt was more than I could bear.
I couldn’t and wouldn’t leave my pets.”
-Sarah, DV Victim
Women have reported:
“He kicked the dog repeatedly until it was howling in pain.”
“He put his hand into the goldfish bowl in front of my five-year-old daughter and squashed the goldfish, for no apparent reason.”
“I can remember an instance when he picked the cat up and with full force drop-kicked it from the back door. He did it because he saw the cat on the workshop. I thought the cat might die.”
Resources for victims who want to leave with their pets:
· National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
· The Purple Leash Project
o Our goal: To see 25% of domestic violence shelters become pet-friendly by 2025.
· Safe Havens for Pets
o For pets are sheltering services that help individuals who are experiencing domestic violence or homelessness with a companion animal (https://www.safehavensforpets.org, 2023).
· RedRover Relief
o Mission is to “bring animals out of crisis and strengthen the bond between people and animals through emergency sheltering, disaster-relief services, financial assistance, and education.
· URINYC PALS (New York City)
· Paws for Safety (Rockland County, New York)
· Praline’s Backyard (Snellville, Georgia)
· Ahimsa House (Georgia)
· Shelter our Pets (New Jersey)
· Network for Pets of Domestic Violence Victims (www.npdvv.org).
· This is a list of pet-friendly domestic violence shelters (https://saftprogram.org, 2025).
I completely and unapologetically understand the fear that abusers instill in victims about their victims and their pets. I encourage you to seek help by way of organizations that are listed here and the many others that I don’t have the space to acknowledge. Animal abuse is a crime in all 50 states. And each state has anti-cruelty statutes that include felony-level provisions for acts of violence against animals.
And they will “love bomb” and abuse you until you concede. That is part of their “reign of terror.” They are master manipulators and will suck the soul from your mind and body. And then tell people that you enjoyed it. It is imperative for you and those you love, including your pets, to find a way out of that situation. I beg you to please continue searching for help in every way possible. Because they will do it again. And candy and flowers won’t make it better.
Thanks for reading even though difficult it may be. Please seek help for those you love even if that is for yourself. You and your pets are worth the love and compassion that is waiting for you all. Keep reading. Keep hope alive.
Affirmation: I forgive myself for believing all relationships are abusive and violent.
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negativity energy, go away. Today, I want to review the strain known as “Purp Fiction.” This purple strain stays in-line with the purple awareness color.
Purp Fiction is an equal hybrid cross between Melonade X Kong’s Kush. Melonade is a cross between Watermelon Zkittlez x Lemon Tree. Kong’s Kush is a cross between Banana Punch x Wonder Pie. On inhale this strain tastes like wine with a berry and nutty combination.
The major terpenes are B-Caryophyllene, b-Myrcene, Limonene, Humulene and Linalool. And the medical benefits provide relief from stress, anxiety, headaches, insomnia, and pain. I would save this one for when you don’t need to worry about the next couple of hours. This is a strain that helps me out just enough to manage some of my chronic pain for a nice nighttime rest. Keep blazin’ and stay safe.
Affirmation: My cannabis use supports my well-being and helps me connect with my inner peace.
-Rachel Caine, Fall of Night (The Morgancille Campires, #41)
TECHNOLOGY-FACILITATED ABUSE
Monitoring text messages, phone records, social media activity, and internet search history.
Preventing or forbidding a person from owning or having access to a phone or computer.
Sending abusive messages through text, email, social media, or other online platforms.
Using technology to track a person’s movements without their permission.
Using technology to gather personal information about someone without their permission.
Accessing or ‘hacking’ a person’s online accounts without their permission.
Impersonating a person online.
Using technology to share personal and private images or videos without consent.
v Luckily, social media and the internet were fairly new things at that time. However, once we separated, he was very threatened through email.
STALKING AND HARASSMENT
Following and watching someone, for example watching them from a parked car.
v I was stalked constantly. And he even went as far as to sit outside my job for the entire shift to make sure I didn’t eat any food that he didn’t approve.
Using technology to monitor their movements; this is also called tech abuse.
Sending unwanted gifts to a person’s home or workplace.
v This was done whenever the cycle rolled back around to “love bombing.” He always gave me gifts and the same speech. However, it would only take a couple of days until he was right back to the same thing starting with verbal and emotional abuse.
Repeatedly making unwanted contact through phone calls, text messages, emails, social media and other messaging or chat apps.
Turning up, uninvited, at the person’s home or workplace, or at social activities.
v He would always justify his actions with some type of excuse for why he showed up. And he was always lying. He always had a more sinister reason.
Installing spyware on a person’s digital devices to get private information, or to secretly record or video them.
v He and his brother went so far as to tap the phone lines at our house to monitor who I was having conversations with.
Using webcams and other forms of video surveillance without the person’s knowledge or consent.
REPRODUCTIVE ABUSE
Preventing a person from using birth control or forcing them to have unprotected sex.
v This happened from the very beginning. I was lucky that I never got pregnant.
Pressuring a person to get pregnant.
Forcing or pressuring a person to have a pregnancy terminated.
Forcing or pressuring a person to have medical treatments which will prevent them from having periods or having a baby.
Forcing or pressuring a person to have medical procedures on their genitals.
Abusers will justify and create new ways of cruelty covered with beautiful paper and a beautiful bow. And to unsuspecting victims, they have no idea what kind of damage is done until many years down the road, if and when they get out and into therapy emphasising on “deprogramming.” For years, I’ve questioned if what I experienced was true. And that’s the precipous of their game. They teach you how to doubt your own reality,
I left that horrible 14-year relationship, in 2006, battered and broken. Many of the wounds are still evident, and others are in various stages of healing. What I don’t need a degree to diagnose is how deep some of the wounds run. Being conditioned to be someone who you aren’t. And the constant walking on eggshells still wreaks havoc on my nervous system. And I still get overwhelmed to the point of not being able to make everyday decisions that most take for granted.
What is unseen benefit? For a long time, I never knew the answer to that question. What I did learn was different aspects of human behavior and their “red flags.” Not just physical. But also verbal. I watch how they talk about their other friends and family. I watch non-verbal cues. I watch how they are on both good and bad days. I watch how they communicate. I watch how superficial they are and their intentions. I watch to see, in what ways, they poke fun at another person. Are they being silly or cruel? I watch to see if my needs are considered or is it just “lip service?” But above all, I watch for congruency. I watch behavior with a fine-toothed comb. And for the most part, if I sense that something is off, I’m out. Most of the time, I have to watch them for a little while before deciding about whether or not to end a relationship.
I now listen to my gut. Something that I rarely ever did because he made every decision. And I do mean every decision. My master’s degree never taught me to listen to my gut. Surviving cruelty did. I know what I see. I know what I experience. And your validation is not needed. Thanks for reading! And reach out for HOPE.
“There are no kings in America. Only gilded me we can topple again and again.”
-Aileen Cassinetto
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about our country for a moment. I don’t usually write much about politics on my blog. Social media is quite different. However, we are currently experiencing unprecedented times. Which is causing so much collateral damage that it could take several presidents to undo what is being done if that is even possible.
When my boys come to visit we always talk about current things like school, everyday life, personal wants, “would you rather” and the current political environment. And to be honest, I never thought I would have to explain basic human rights and how those are egregiously being destroyed. And now the decisions of a lot of Americans have put in power a want to be dictator.
I wrote a blog this past month that recently posted about how good we have it in our country. And now I must retract that statement by tell you that the United States of America, the threat to democracy and the very essence of our lives are now being tailored for a fascist society. And the “American Spirit,” which is not a person, is being made a mockery of the founding fathers’ original intentions. Let me break it down.
Our Foundational Ideas
· Liberty and Independence: The freedom to think, speak, and act as one chooses without infringing on the rights of others.
· Self-government: The belief that citizens are the ultimate source of authority and have the right to participate in the political process.
· Equality: The idea that all people are created equal and deserve fair treatment, respect, and dignity, with equal opportunities for success.
· Individualism: The belief that individuals are in control of their own destinies and can achieve self-sufficiency and independence through their own initiative (https:study.com, 2025).
Aspirations of the American Dream
· The promise of opportunity: Anyone can achieve success through sacrifice, risk-taking, and hard work.
· Upward social mobility: The change for individuals to attain a better life than their parents.
· A “democracy of goods”: The notion that everyone should have access to material comfort and goods, a vision popularized in the 20th century (https://www.wikipedia.org, 2025).
I now must again explain to my children how racism, at its core, is just wrong in every way. And how the example of the highest position, in our once revered democracy is being dismantled one freedom and one right at a time. And how if someone disagrees with someone’s way of life, you must not fear and/or hate them. I have instructed my children from day one that people and families are unique individually. And just because of their uniqueness, it doesn’t mean that they are wrong. I don’t care about your skin color, religious affiliation, political affiliation, sexual orientation, ethnic background, or gender identity. However, what I don’t like are bullies. And currently we have a bully in power.
I don’t hate no matter how far left or far right you are on the spectrum. But the idea of hating and inciting violence against someone because they are different is not ok. Do I like people like Charlie Kirk? Hell no. Do I think that he deserved to be murdered based on his views, regardless of whether I agreed with him or the fact that he was a racist and a homophobe, never. But when your whole premise of the stage that you voluntarily inject yourself onto is about treating those you disagree with by tearing them down, bad things are bound to happen. And when political views and votes are more important than lives of our citizens and our beautiful immigrants, our tears begin to fall.
When the president of the United States who has 34 felony convictions, and whose best friends were the vilest child sex trafficker and rapists this country has ever seen, while also having the support of others, it must be discussed and stopped. Jeffery Epstein and Ghislane Maxwell were convicted of some of the most horrible crimes against children. And it has been confirmed that Donald Trump’s name, as well as many others, were also listed in the Epstein files.
As a parent and someone who was also preyed upon by those in power, the only logical decision of our government should be to release the unredacted files and have total transparency. This shouldn’t be a tall order. I see a lot of people online who voted for Donald talking about how evil Jefferey Epstein was. And how pedophiles should be held accountable, unless you talk about the high probability that Donald Trump is also connected to said crimes.
I have never seen so many lies and an obvious cover up by the United States government in my life. I don’t care whose names, whether they be democrats, republicans, independents or royalty, are on the list. They should all be held accountable. And for some of us, whose perpetrators were never held accountable, this is a national symbol of that fight for justice. And just maybe the bad guys get caught in the end and have to pay for their actions that have ruined upwards of a thousand children’s lives.
When you are forced into something as horrific as sexual abuse, your life is forever changed. You will never view the world as “safe” again. You will never look at the average person the same again. And the most intimate part of a person’s life and body are forever damaged. The lies and manipulation that one has to possess to accomplish these acts are more than I can comprehend.
It is my hope and prayer that whoever has taken part in actions consistent with pedophilia, rape and/or the coverup of these crimes will see the day when they are forced to be accountable for everything that they have turned a “blind eye” to. I shouldn’t have to explain why blatant actions have been and continue to be ignored. I shouldn’t have to explain how and why our, once thriving and beautifully diverse country has systematically been sent down the tubes. And is also being controlled by a Russian dictator who is training our orange, “want to be dictator” in the ways of murdering democracy.
My children shouldn’t have to witness and be explained the purpose of “Alligator Alcatraz.” And how funny it is to the hard core “Triple Trumpers” MAGA movement. The only thing consistent are lies, deceit and the many times of the crashing of Grindr by down low politicians. Who are angry because they are scared of authenticity. I shouldn’t have to explain why our country is ok with standing by someone like Benjamin Netanyahu and watching as the genocide in Gaza continues. I shouldn’t have to explain why Vladamir Putin is allowed to continue with the horrific attacks on the people of Ukraine. I shouldn’t have to explain why a dictator across the pond poisons those that don’t agree with them. But here we are.
What I do have to explain are the constant sacrifices of our military service members, who many have laid down their lives for generations, in an effort to make sure that we retain those inalienable rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. And how and why the Declaration of Independence and our Constitution was formed. Even though the president of our country clearly knows nothing about said rights which was caught on camera many times. Why “No Kings Day” protests are so important. And how our once love for the “freedom of speech” is being allowed to now be censored.
With tears in my eyes, again, I write this. And the grief of my soul as I watch the sometimes-comical players in this mockery of a democratic government, keeps me up at night. And a lot of times, I laugh to keep from crying. But the videos of children and adults being starved to death is not something that we are accustomed to witnessing. I don’t believe that those who take away the rights of others should have rights of their own.
The tensions in this country of the blatant abuse of power by turning the military on our citizens is uncalled for and scary. And the depths of these fears, I do my best to shield my children from seeing. But they are not dumb. They ask questions and I try to explain them on an age-appropriate level.
I enjoy watching and posting the satire of some of these views. But make no mistake, I will constantly keep at the forefront of our conversations about the importance of such figures in the civil rights movement, Nazi Germany, the extermination of the Jews in concentration camps and the importance of the Stonewall riots. And now, I must explain to them modern day concentration camps disguised as being something “good” for the American public.
People, life as we knew it is disappearing at a rapid rate. It is time for us as Americans to grow a spine and make a peaceful stand against tyranny. And this means doing “your part” in whatever way that looks. No longer is it ok to remain “neutral” as “neutrality” is now a vote for tyranny. You can make a choice to be red, blue or any color of the rainbow. And remember that staying neutral is also a choice. Our country is a collection of diverse groups of people, races, ethnicities, and religions creating One America. The colors that matter the most are the ones who are red, white, and blue.
Thanks for reading! And I hope that you, not only as an American, will stand up for what’s right instead of staying silent to what’s wrong. To our allies across the pond and abroad, your voices also matter. And I personally thank each and every one of you for not allowing the Epstein scandal to go unnoticed. Keep standing for freedom my fellow Americans as will I. And to our diligent immigrants, I will continue to do my part to fight for your right to live the American Dream that most of us took for granted. Thanks for your attention to this matter.
Affirmation: I embrace the opportunities and freedoms in the United States to build the life I deserve.
“No amount of me trying to explain myself was doing any good. I didn’t even know what was going on inside of me, so how could I have explained it to them?
-Sierra D. Waters, Debbie
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today I want to continue talking to you about different types of domestic violence. Now let’s continue.
ELDER ABUSE
· Physically or sexually assaulting the older person.
· Physically restraining the older person, and limiting their ability to move around.
· Preventing the older person from leaving the house or having contact with others.
· Neglecting to provide basic necessities including food and medical care.
· Using the older person’s money or property without their permission.
· Forcing or pressuring the older person to alter documents such as a will.
LATERAL VIOLENCE
also known as ‘horizontal violence’ or ‘intra-racial conflict’. It is a mixture of historical, cultural and social dynamics that results in a range of behaviours. It is not just an individual’s behaviour. It can involve a group of people working together to attack or undermine individuals, families. Lateral violence doesn’t just refer to physical violence. It is also a form of coercive control and is related to social, emotional, psychological, economic and spiritual violence.
Malicious gossip
Group bullying
Social exclusion and isolation
Claims that the individual does not ‘belong’ in the group
Physical violence
Sexual violence.
*Each of these were done to be when both he and his brother worked as a team. They ruined my name to their friends and family. They told horrible lies about things that I had not done. They both knocked me down. Ripped my clothes. And started kicking me in both my stomach and my back. And if I was being too resistant to what my husband wanted, he would call his brother to threaten me in other ways by saying, “He would pay people to rape me until I couldn’t walk.” And when I went back to my husband and told him what was said he simply told me, “Well, I guess you shouldn’t have made him mad.” In essence, he called his brother and set the whole thing up.
LEGAL ABUSE
Preventing a person from getting legal help, including making false claims about their rights to legal protection.
· Hiding or destroying legal documents and other evidence.
Making false reports.
Not complying with court orders.
Deliberately delaying legal procedures.
Deliberately running up large legal bills.
*He continually threatened me with legal action. I was told that no one would believe my claims about him because he hadn’t left one identifiable mark on me. And because I had been diagnosed with depression and prescribed medication that I was the one with the mental history. The fact still remains that he never had the balls to go to therapy about his own issues. Because all of his behavior was because of someone else. Had they gone, he would have a diagnosis of Narcissitic Personality Disorder and also labeled as a sociopath for his behavior that both he and his brother exhibited without a conscience. I think that’s why neither one of them ever got any help. Because they didn’t want a label that accurately described them.
FINANCIAL ABUSE
Forcing or pressuring a person to get a credit card or take out a loan against their wishes.
Using a person’s name to get a credit card or take out a loan, without their knowledge.
· Controlling what a person can spend their money on.
v He was so tight with money that you couldn’t slide a piece of notebook paper between the cheeks of his ass. I wasn’t allowed to spend money without permission. But he was able to buy whatever he wanted.
Controlling a person’s access to their own money, such as their wages or salary.
v I was never allowed to keep or use my own money. He would come up to my jobs and I was expected to hand over my checks. I was given $20 per week and was told, “Don’t let me find out that you’re eating food that I would allow.”
Using a person’s money without their permission.
Selling a person’s property without their permission.
Preventing a person from getting a job and earning money.
“An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless pit. But he’s not so much needy as entitled, so no matter how much you give him, it will never be enough. He will just keep producing more demands because he believes his needs are your responsibility, until you feel drained down to nothing.”
-Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today I want to go over more types of domestic violence. I know that this topic is not an easy one to face. However, domestic abuse occurs in more homes than you realize. Maybe in your own home.
VERBAL ABUSE
· Ridiculing or humiliating someone.
v If he were alive and breathing, this would happen from the time I woke up until the time I went to bed.
· Criticizing their appearance, intelligence, sexuality, religious beliefs, or ethnicity.
v This happened all the time. I was constantly told that I was dumb and retarded.
· Criticizing their actions as a partner or parent.
v All day and every day. The worst was at night and on the weekends. I got blamed for his bad golf game. He had this idea that he was Tiger Woods. And he very clearly wasn’t. But it was always because of something I did that made him play bad. In reality, he just sucks at the game.
· Using cruel or abusive nicknames.
v He and his brother always had cruel nicknames for me.
· Swearing at someone.
v Most people cuss when they get mad. However, he and his brother were relentless in their attacks.
· Yelling or screaming at someone.
v Again, I think that a certain amount would be considered normal. However, screaming and hollering at me for everything little thing was how they both operated.
SOCIAL ABUSE
· Stopping someone from seeing or contacting their friends and family.
v He didn’t physically stop me. However, it was very clear that I was not leaving the house without specific information about where I was going and what I was doing. And if that wasn’t what he wanted, I was told not to go at all.
· Stopping someone from going to social or community activities.
v Unless he went with me, I was told, “No. You don’t need to go do that.”
· Preventing someone from having contact with people who speak their language or share their culture.
· Making someone move away from friends, family, or work opportunities.
· Controlling a person’s use of phone or computers.
v On more than one occasion, when I went to call for help from police, he would unplug the phone so that I couldn’t use it.
· Checking or stopping their mail, phone calls, text messages, emails, social media and other messaging or chat apps.
v Luckily, there was not much of this that was available at the time. There was barely internet, and I better not have an email address. I had a Nokia cellphone which he checked constantly.
· Telling lies or spreading false information to damage a person’s reputation.
v This happened all the time. Especially when he talked to his family. The smear campaign was always in action.
· Using someone’s intersex status, sexuality, gender expression, transgender, or HIV status against them.
v He never knew that I was a lesbian. Hell, why would I tell him when the violence was bad enough.
· Forced marriage
v The day of my wedding, I knew that I was making the biggest mistake of my life. I was frozen with fear. But it was what he continually pushed for marriage. And I eventually gave in. Biggest mistake of my life!
· Stalking
v This happened every single day. If it wasn’t him, it was his friends and family who did the stalking. At the end of the day, I was questioned about everything that I had done and was told, “Well, what about when you were walking around in that store.” He knew every move that I made. It even got so bad that he knew what I had eaten during the day.
SPIRITUAL, RELIGIOUS OR CULTURAL ABUSE
Preventing someone from practicing and being connected to their culture.
Stopping someone from going to their place of worship.
Stopping someone from having contact with other people who share their beliefs.
Stopping someone from celebrating days of cultural or spiritual significance.
Stopping someone from sharing their beliefs and traditions with their children.
Stopping someone who is Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander from returning to Country or having contact with kin.
Stopping someone who has family connections outside Australia from visiting or connecting with family or community overseas.
Ridiculing someone’s beliefs or traditions.
Forcing someone to do things that are against their beliefs, like eating certain foods or wearing certain clothes.
Forcing someone to marry.
The pressure was definitely applied when I was undecided.
Forcing someone to take part in spiritual practices in which they don’t believe.
Forcing someone to raise their children according to beliefs they don’t agree with.
Using or claiming to use spiritual or religious beliefs:
as an excuse for violence or abuse.
to pressure someone into staying in a relationship.
Let me just say this about him and his spiritual practices. He always went through the motions and played the part. He even pretended to get “saved” and was baptized. However, that was as far as it went. Because when we got home the abuse continued to happen. But now he had a Bible to justify his actions.
Thanks again for reading! I hope I was able to share a little lighter on the subject of domestic violence. There is help and hope after abuse. Reach out for the love and respect that you deserve. Keep moving forward!
“If you aren’t silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.”
-Zora Neale Hurston
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about some of the behaviors that fit under the umbrella of domestic violence. It wasn’t until I was out of the relationship for a while before I began to see information validating what I always knew. This is not comprehensive list by any means.
COERCIVE CONTROL OR CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR
· Control who a person sees, wears and where they go.
v This was considered normal in my relationship. He dictated everything that I wore. If I chose what I wanted to wear, he would tell me to, “go change. You look ridiculous.” And I was afraid to go somewhere without asking his permission.
· Monitor or track what a person does.
v This was also something that was done on a daily basis. He would call me wherever I was supposed to be and verify it by employees.
· Control a person’s finances, medicine, food, or exercise.
v He always told me that I was not allowed food that he didn’t approve. And I was required to be at the gym at 5:30 am every morning. And he would call and speak with those employees about what type of exercise I was doing. I was also not allowed to spend any money without permission.
· Force someone to have sex or do sexual things.
v I was never given the option to make that choice. I was threatened if I even spoke about that.
PHYSICAL VIOLENCE
· Hitting, punching, kicking, bashing, shoving, or pushing.
Thishappened more times than I can count. He did kick me in the face. But when he and his brother teamed up together, it was worse. The main reason is because my husband didn’t want to say that he participated. And because they always threatened and intimidated me into silence, I never said anything. His brother was his “yes man.” And my husband pulled the strings.
· Spitting on someone or pulling hair.
· Choking or suffocating.
v This typically happened during forced sex. Or whenever his brother would get mad at me, he would choke me as a form of intimidation.
· Throwing things at or near someone.
· Using a weapon.
v This was always pointed at me or laid out somewhere as a form of threats and intimidation.
· Locking someone in or out of space.
v This was often done to show control.
· Stopping someone from eating, sleeping, or having medication they need.
v Every piece of food had to be given an account. One of his favorite things he would allow me to have for a snack was ten olives and ten pistachios. He would come home from work and completely berate me if I weren’t already up. And it didn’t matter that I had just worked a 24-48 shift. He always told me that medication was a crutch. He got mad because I had been given muscle relaxers for a hurt back and proceeded to kick me in the face and throw my medication out into the rain. I was also not allowed to take any psychiatric meds for depression or mood stabilization because, “why do you need anti-depressants when I’m so good to you? And what if someone finds out that you’re taking this? I don’t want anyone knowing that my wife is crazy. Then it makes me look bad. Why don’t you care about that?”
· Forcing someone to drink or take drugs.
v I did this on my own to help deal with being under his crazy world of control.
SEXUAL VIOLENCE
· Touching or kissing someone without their consent.
v I was made to accept his advances.
· Pressuring or forcing someone to have sex or do something sexual without their consent.
v I was told, “Either you give it to me, or I’ll take it. Either way, I’m getting what I want. Make your decision.” Many times, I was bruised or bleeding by the time he was done with me. I had no voice in any matter. He was the “warden,” and I was his “prisoner.” My whole sexual relationship with him was simply RAPE.
· Pressuring or forcing someone to have sex without protection such as a condom.
v I was told early on, “I’m not using protection because it burns my dick. If you really loved me, you wouldn’t put stipulations on how I fuck you.”
*I know this is explicit. However, I want you to get an accurate description of the situation.*
IMAGE-BASED ABUSE
· Sharing private images of a person without their consent, for example images of them undressing or showering.
· Sharing culturally inappropriate images of a person, for example images in which they do not wear items of clothing that they would normally wear in public.
· Sharing intimate or sexualized images of a person without their consent.
· Producing and sharing images that have been digitally altered to suggest a person is nude or engaged in sexual activity.
· Threatening to do any of these things.
*I found out later on that his brother would secretly be filming or watching us having sex.*
EMOTIONAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE
· Criticizing a person and their choices or actions.
v In his mind, he thought that I was too stupid to make decisions that were considered “correct.” All he ever told me what how stupid and retarded I was.
· Isolating a person form their friends or their family.
v Some friendships I lost forever because they just thought that I abandoned them. What they failed to see was that I would get accused of all kinds of stuff if I disobeyed him. Those who have never been in an abusive situation can’t comprehend losing your power to stand up for yourself. It was just easier to do what he said. Some former friends haven’t even talked to me since that time. And that is about them not me.
· Threatening to harm a person, their family, their friends, their pets, or their belongings.
v He always made threats about things he would and could do with keepsakes or my innocent animals. And if he and his brother didn’t feel that I was getting the picture, they would show up at my parents’ house and start harassing them.
This topic will be spread over a few blogs. As you can see, when I add personal experience, the blog gets much longer. Stay patient and learn from this. It’s a hell that most people can’t understand. And I’m telling you that it’s all true. I was living in a prison without visible bars. Thanks for reading! And watch for the second part in the coming days.
Affirmation: I remember that it is ok to ask for help and receive support.
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to talk to you about breast cancer. By now you have been affected by breast cancer either directly or indirectly. In this blog, I will reiterate some of what is already known about this disease that stills so many lives. As well as some of the perplexing aspects that we don’t know yet.
As an 8th grader, the reality of breast cancer and its dangers hit me hard as I saw my grandmother struggle every day without any complaints. I know, it’s another moment courtesy of that year. And as if there wasn’t plenty of other things to deal with. As someone who used to be deeply connect with my family, this reality was a little too harsh for me. Many nights I would cry myself to sleep as everyone else said, “Don’t worry about things that haven’t happened.” However, as a child, I worried about everything including people dying that I loved. That year I don’t remember not being scared for even one minute. And today, my nervous system continues to believe that we are still there. It is what it is, I guess.
Let us look at some of the things that we do know about breast cancer:
§ Breast cancer doesn’t always appear as a lump. Other symptoms include swelling, redness, nipple changes, and nipple discharge.
§ Drinking alcohol can increase your breast cancer risk.
§ You don’t need to learn how to do a breast exam. Research indicates that monthly self-exam isn’t necessary (www.mdanderson.org, 2025).
§ In 2025, estimated 316,950 new cases of invasive breast cancer will be diagnosed. As well as 59, 080 new cases of non-invasive breast cancer.
§ Currently 4 million breast cancer survivors
§ Estimated 42,170 U.S. women will die from breast cancer this year.
§ Risk of recurrence depends on the type and staging of the initial breast cancer.
§ 1 in 8 women in the U.S. will develop breast cancer in their lifetime.
§ Most common cancer in American women.
§ The average age of U.S. women diagnosed is 62 years old.
§ About 9% of all new cases in the U.S. are diagnosed in women younger than 45 years old.
§ Younger people under the age of 35 who are diagnosed face a higher risk of recurrence.
§ Black women are 40% more likely to die from breast cancer than white women.
§ Black women have the lowest 5-year relative breast cancer survival rate of any racial or ethnic group.
§ 1 in 5 black women are diagnosed with triple-negative breast cancer, which is more difficult to treat.
§ Hispanic women have a 20% lower incidence rate of breast cancer than any other group.
§ Asian and Pacific Islander women are more likely to be diagnosed with localized breast cancer.
§ They also have the lowest death rate from breast cancer.
§ American Indian and Alaskan Native women have the lowest rate of developing breast cancer.
§ Chinese and Japanese women have the highest breast cancer survival rates.
§ In 2025, an estimated 2,8000 men will be diagnosed with invasive breast cancer in the U.S.
§ Estimated 510 U.S men will die from breast cancer in 2025.
§ 1 in 726 men in the U.S. will develop breast cancer.
§ Genetic Mutations like BRCA1/BRCA2 increased risk, only account for a very small percentage of breast cancers. Which means approximately 80-90% are unknown.
§ Reasons for high mortality rate in African American women is still being investigated.
§ While dense breasts are a factor, there’s more needed research to understand the underlying mechanisms.
§ Symptoms like nipple inversion, skin dimpling, and changes in nipple or breast skin texture, can delay diagnosis and treatment.
§ Although knowing about breast cancer in men, the cause and treatment are not as well-understood with diagnosis and treatment being delayed.
§ Environmental factors are suspected and are still being explored (www.fomatmedical.com, 2023).
“You know you’re a stoner when your bong gets washed more than your dishes.”
-Unknown
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negativity energy, go away. Staying in-line with the purple awareness color, I’m going to tell you about a strain called Purple Canyon.
Purple Canyon is an indica-dominant hybrid that is a cross between Topanga Canyon x Purple Punch. Topanga Canyon is an equal hybrid of Topanga x Sweatband. Purple Punch is a cross between Larry OG x Grandaddy Purple. And this strain has a “hazy” taste that is typical of purple strains. The “hazy” taste is one that reminds me of a “mold and mildew” smell of an older house.
The main terpenes in this strain are trans-Caryophyllene, Myrcene and Linalool. And the medical benefits include anxiety, body aches, appetite stimulation, chronic pain, and insomnia. This is a very average potency. It is mild enough for a lunchtime break and regrouping. And not strong enough to give you “couch lock.” Keep blazin.’ And stay safe.
Affirmation: I embrace the moments of calm and creativity that cannabis brings to my day.
“I had gotten to the point where I was suicidal every day for six straight years…On that day, I made a choice. The choice to live, the choice to get better for me.”
-Justin
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy, go away. Today, I want to tell you about a couple more suicide awareness and prevention groups. I wish I could cover them all. Unfortunately, there are just way too many. Please familiarize yourself and those you love and are affected.
Stop Soldier Suicide
This is the only national nonprofit focused on solving the issue of suicide among U.S. veterans and service members. They have an aggressive goal of reducing the suicide rate by 40% by 2030. Veterans are at a 58% higher risk of suicide than those who haven’t served.
Other statistics about veteran suicide:
· 6,407 veteran suicides in 2022.
· 22 consecutive years with 6000+ veteran suicides.
· 140K+ veterans have died by suicide since 2001.
· Second leading cause of death in veterans under age 45.
· The rate of veteran firearm suicide has increased by 65%.
· The suicide rate among veterans ages 18-34 has more than doubled.
· Western states have experienced the greatest increase in veteran suicide rate, increasing by 55%.
· 31% Depending on branch, up to 31% of service members develop PTSD after returning from combat.
· 7x the rated of suicide for veterans in the LGBTQ+ community is up 7x higher that for non-LGBTQ+ veterans.
The organization’s impact on veteran suicide.
· 90%+ of our most at-risk clients completed a crisis response plan in 2023, giving them tools and resources to cope in moments of crisis.
· 73% of clients experienced a decrease in thoughts of suicide over the course of treatment.
· 92% of clients who were meaningfully engaged in our care showed some improvement in mental wellbeing by the end of treatment (www.stopsoldiersuicide.org, 2025).
The Trevor Project
The Trevor Project was founded in August 1998 by the creators, James Lecesne, Peggy Rajski, and Randy Stone, of the Academy Award-winning short film “Trevor.” The film was about a gay teen who attempted suicide. The filmmakers then established a crisis hotline for LGBTQ+ youth after realizing that there was not a resource available. They have since expanded services to include text and chat support and resources for parents, schools and others seeking support for LGBTQ+ support (https://obamawhitehouse.archives.gov, 2025).
Crisis Services: Providing counseling support services for LGBTQ+ young people 24/7 all year around.
Peer Support: Providing an affirming international community for LGBTQ+ youth.
Advocacy: Working to change hearts, minds, and laws in support of LGBTQ+ lives.
Research: We conduct research studies to equip policymakers and other LGBTQ+ youth providing professionals.
The Mission
To end suicide among LGBTQ+ youth by providing crisis support, suicide prevention resources, and educational programs (www.thetrevorproject.org, 2025).
Thanks again for reading. The more education and resources we can provide each other with, the better the outcomes for us all. Please pass this information along to anyone who could benefit. I am one of those who suicide has affected my life in epic proportions. I am also one who continues to fight for understanding and compassion in a world that is lacking.
Affirmation: I am not alone, and others care about me.
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negativity energy, go away. Today, I want to discuss a cannabis strain concentrate called Brett Farve. I know what you’re thinking. She wrote about this one earlier this year. Well, just when you thought that was the end of that magnificent strain, they come through with a concentrate. And since we’re heading into football season, I thought it would be a perfect strain name for the occasion.
Fire! Fire! Fire! Is how I would describe this concentrate. One thing I’ve come to understand about the cannabis industry is that sometimes, for marketing purposes, strains already have a name and then a company comes along and just assigns it a novelty name. And I’m pretty sure that this “Brett Farve” strain is one of those. Most companies will provide strain genetics for we cannabis nerds. But for some strange reason the exact genetics are not being told. And for me, it helps to identify the terpenes and strains that fit both my medical and psychological needs.
I described this very potent and gassy strain in an earlier blog. But this concentrate is gassy wax that is sure not to disappoint. Brett Farve might’ve retired from the NFL. But this cannabis concentrate won the Super Bowl in my opinion. And one thing I know about stinky flower is that the concentrate is just a big “stink fest” with a beautiful high. This concentrate peaked at around 58%.
This strain is not for novice users. Because the probability of “greening out” is extremely high. For my fellow dabbers, jump on this concentrate. Beware that this indica will have you with such heavy “couch lock” that you won’t even remember if you have Cheetos in your house for those “atomic munchies.” Nevertheless, this concentrate must be used to fully give credit where credit is due.
Any Brett Farve products that I have sought out don’t stay around for very long. And it’s potency and medicinal benefits are some that can be enjoyed by all with caution. If you don’t enjoy heavy indicas, this strain is not for you especially in concentrate products. But I would make sure that I didn’t have much to do. Late evening when you can get blasted right before going to sleep is what this strain was made for. Thanks for reading. Keep blazin!
Affirmation: I release any shame or stigma over using cannabis.
“Our country is grappling with a youth mental health crisis, and it is particularly pronounced for LGBTQ+ youth.”
-Ronita Nath
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy, go away. Today, keeping in line with the topic of suicide, I want to discuss suicide in the LGBTQ+ community.
The prevalence of suicide in the LGBTQ+ community is nothing new. The risk for suicide attempts and suicidal ideation can be 3 to 6 times greater for lesbian, gay and bisexual adults according to the National Institutes of Health. But there are also other statistics to keep in mind.
In 2024, 39% of LGBTQ+ youth considered attempting suicide according to The Trevor Project’s national survey. 1 in 10 of LGBTQ+ youth attempted suicide in the past year. And LGBTQ+ youth are more than four times likely to attempt compared to heterosexual youth. I can tell you that personally, I’ve been suicidal many times because of rejection from my family as a lesbian woman.
Transgender and Nonbinary identified individuals are at an even higher rate of suicide. And almost half seriously considered suicide in the past year. In 2022, 80% of transgender people had considered suicide and 40% had attempted. These statistics while staggering are not surprising. These demographic struggles are way more than they should be with little compassion from society.
Bisexual identified individuals are 1.5 times more likely to report thoughts and attempts compared to gay and lesbian individuals. And 2.98 times more likely to have a suicide-related event compared to heterosexuals according to a 2022 study. And the LGBTQ+ youth of color report higher rates of suicidal ideation and attempts compared to white peers (www.therevorproject.org, 2025). And there are several contributing factors such as:
· Discrimination and Prejudice:discrimination, harassment and violence due to sexual orientation or gender identity increases the risk of suicide.
· Lack of Support Systems: Limited social support from family, peers and community exacerbates the mental health challenges.
· Mental Health Disparities: LGBTQ+ individuals are more likely to experience depression and may face barriers to accessing mental health services (https://mhanational.org, 2025).
For someone who is a member of the LGBTQ+ community, I can tell you that I’ve considered suicide many times. The rejection from family and friends are sometimes more than I can bare. And having worked with someone in therapy many years ago, who was not sensitive to the needs of someone in these communities, there was little progress made. Mainly, because I couldn’t trust her. And she was extremely judgmental.
Since collaborating with coach for almost a decade, I can tell you that I have been able to fully accept the fact that I’m gay, despite my family’s disapproval. And then the religious communities also seem to greet us with bible verses telling how many ways we are going to hell. We all know that “choosing” to be gay is such an easier way of life. There the secret is out.
With the current political administration taking away the rights and freedoms that the Stonewall riots stood against, and the lack of funding for suicide hotlines for LGBTQ+ youth, these rates will only climb. Our families, friends, churches, and government should be ashamed of standing by people who are ok with the policies set in place. We are the same as we ever were. We just wear rainbows now.
There are those beautiful allies out there who remain the strength and backbone of our continual fight for equality. We are youth, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, husband, and wives who just want to be recognized as equals in the eyes of the law. But where reputations and political agendas are from the far right, we must be even more solidified as a community. If someone is for rights with some and not others, I have no room for them in my life. But it’s taken me years to come to this conclusion.
Is it lonely? At times, yes. However, I want people in my life who not only support me but also my friends. The suicide hotline is something that our community not only wants but needs. Many of us have non-supporting families and mine is no different. But I do have a place to live currently. But that does not constitute me putting up with homophobia or fragile masculinity and femininity.
The very few “true” friends I have, understand that being gay is not a “choice.” It’s who I am. And if that’s too much for someone to manage, that’s just too damn bad. To my fellow allies and community members, keep up the good fight. We must take up the original Pride flag are carry on. I love our colors. And I’m proud to call myself a member of the LGBTQ+ community.
Keep smiling. Keep shining. Knowing you can always count on me, for sure. That’s what friends are for. We are seen. And we are heard. And….WE ARE FABULOUS! Thanks for reading. Take what you can use and leave the rest.
Affirmation: I am proud of myself and will continue to strive to do well.
“The soldier above all others prays for peace, for it is the soldier who must suffer and bear the deepest wounds and scars of war.”
-Douglas McArthur
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negativity energy, go away. Today, I want to discuss veteran suicide. I know that this topic has seemed to get old and fast. However, I believe that the more we talk about the harshness of life, the more the stigmas will begin to disappear.
In 2022, the most recent year for the current data, 6,407 veterans and 41,484 nonveteran adults died by suicide. The rate among veterans was 34.7 per 100,000 compared to 17.1 per 100,000 for nonveterans. Since 2005, veteran suicide has risen faster than any other group. And these rates are unacceptable.
The veterans who died by suicide in that year, 40% were under the care of the Veterans Health Administration. Among those patients, who were also diagnosed with a mental health disorder or substance abuse disorder, there were 56.4 per 100,000, which was twice the rate of those without a diagnosis. And among 1,548 veterans who died by suicide 64% were diagnosed with depression, 43% had an anxiety disorder, 40% had PTSD, and 32% had an alcohol use disorder. However, the highest suicide rates were associated with veterans who had sedative use disorder which include benzodiazepines, barbiturates, and opiates (www.rand.org, 2025). And the stigma about mental health in the military further increase this problem.
Aspects of Veteran Mental Health stigma:
· Fear of judgment and perception: Veterans worry about how seeking help will affect all areas of their lives and especially on career repercussions.
· Military culture: The “warrior ethos” which emphasizes self-reliance and stoicism create barriers to seeking help.
· Loss of security clearance: Some fear that seeking mental health treatment will lead to revocation of security clearances.
· Impact on treatment: stigmas can lead to untreated mental health conditions, substance abuse and increased risk of suicide.
· Self-stigma: Veterans may internalize negative societal views about mental health which can lead to shame, self-blame, and more reluctance to seek help (https://oxfordtreatment.com, 2025).
As an advocate for medical cannabis, I believe that our veterans should be given an ounce of cannabis the minute their feet hit US soil upon returning from active duty. As I personally deal with PTSD, there is not another medication on the planet that can bring me relief like cannabis can. And it’s such a safer alternative to alcohol, opiates, and benzodiazepine medications.
Currently, the Safe Healing Act, which was introduced on February 4, 2025, is designed to prohibit the Secretary of Veterans Affairs from denying a veteran benefit administered by the Secretary by reason of the veteran participating in a State-approved marijuana program and other purposes. But unfortunately, there is only a 3% chance of being enacted (www.govtrack.us, 2025). And I consider this utterly ridiculous. There is an unmistakable problem with veteran suicide. It appears Big Pharma is still in the way of progress. I wonder how many people who oppose this bill must suffer, daily, with the horrible effects of PTSD, anxiety, and chronic pain that “Big Pharma” can’t seem to help?
Our returning soldiers are faced with horrors that no one understands until they’ve been there. And though I have never served our country, I can tell you that the above-mentioned mental health disorders have also almost taken my life many times. The symptoms are horrific in nature. Put chronic pain in the mix and suicide often seems like the only answer to have a break, though it be permanent, for even a moment of peace.
Veterans, in my eyes, should be held to the utmost respect. They should be the highest paid employees before professional athletes. And we as a country should make sure that the best treatment is available to them for the rest of their lives. Some have paid the price of their lives on the battlefield. And a high percentage of others pay with their lives when they return home. But instead of treating them like the heroes like they are, they are often discarded by the government that they so proudly serve.
Is cannabis the only answer? Not at all. However, while they find the modality that works for them, I think that cannabis could lighten the load and make their futures seem a little brighter. Discarding them along with all the judgmental stigmas only adds to the problem. And until this is rectified, we will continue to lose those beautiful people who are willing, at any moment, to lay down their lives for our freedoms. Shame on the United States of America for treating them like that!
I know reading this is not easy. But we as a nation must stand up for these individuals who continue to pay the price every time, they open their eyes. Let’s get past the “reefer madness” ignorance and allow our veterans the opportunity to extend their lives at home. A special thanks and salute to one of my favorite veterans who I’ll call Joe. Thanks for reading! And God Bless America!
“Be careful because cyberspace is a two way street those that hunt and stalk and troll can also become the hunted by those that they harass and attack. Cyberspace has a definite dark side.”
Don Holbrook
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy, go away. Today, I want to talk about another reason that people are committing suicide. It’s the inevitable factor of cyberbullying.
Cyberbullying is bullying with the use of digital technologies. Research consistently indicates that there is a strong correlation between being a victim of cyberbullying and increased suicidal ideations. In fact, once study showed that students who are subjected to cyberbullying are 4 times as likely to commit suicide. And a major increase occurred during the COVID-19 pandemic). Another study found that cyber bullying increases suicidal thoughts by 14.5% and suicide attempts by 8.7%. The limitations are since there is usually not just one factor that contribute to suicide (www.nih.gov, 2025).
I can tell you that as an 8th grader adult bullied me where I was supposed to be safe, at school. And though there was no cyberbullying at the time, due to lack of access to the internet, I quickly began having suicidal ideations that have plagued me ever since. When you’re a child, bullying is such a violation and betrayal. And for me there was no way out. So, I had to fight the best way I knew how. Sometimes it was quiet while escaping within my mind. And sometimes, it was through pure aggression. Sadly, aggression was the only thing to make it all stop even for a moment. But the colossal damage had already been done.
That year of bullying set the precedence for how my life would turn out. I lost all confidence in myself and my abilities. My self-worth was destroyed. And I turned to the only thing that seemed to accept me no matter what my condition. It was addiction. By the time I started high school, I was a full-blown addict of drugs, alcohol, self-harm and eating disorders. And at almost 50 years old, I continue to struggle with them.
I learned that no one was a “safe” person. I learned that if anyone were going to protect me, it would have to be me. I learned that taking the first shot at someone was the safest way to live. I also concluded that no one that I saw as an “underdog” would ever have to fight their own battle again if I were there. I asked for help but was denied. And when I did, the abuse only got worse.
Cyberbullying takes on a whole new level of abuse. And the damage can be irreparable. It’s said and done by people who don’t have to look at you in the face. And typically, most people wouldn’t have the balls to say those same things if done in person. Since our national politics are so unstable, I would venture to say that the amount of cyberbullying would increase significantly. Below are a couple of the cases that I wanted to show you about. There is no way to list them all.
Megan Meier’s Case (2006): a 13-year-old American girl who committed suicide after being bullied on MySpace. The bullying was orchestrated by an adult neighbor, Lori Drew, posing as a teenage boy. The adult was the mother of a classmate. The mother was found guilty of cyberbullying in 2009. However, the conviction was later overturned.
Texas Child Suicide (2023): A child in Texas died by suicide during an online game due to alleged cyberbullying. The suspect lived in Michigan who eventually plead guilty to crimes related to aiding suicide and harassment causing death (www.nbcnews.com, 2023).
In the world that we live in, it is imperative for us parents to pay close attention as possible to what our kids are doing and with whom they are interacting. I do not live under the delusion that it is possible to know everything. I am not God. The only thing I know to do is to regularly talk to my children about the dangers of cyberbullying. And that just because someone is on your “friends list,” doesn’t mean that they are really friends. And that predators disguised as heaven will often put you through hell. And even with that knowledge, I know that I can’t protect every facet of their lives. The very essence of a predator is to go undetected. And to operate in the shadows, often in plain sight.
I hope that you have gained useful information on this topic. I continue to learn each time I blog. And maybe, it’s bringing some type of comfort as I look at these difficult topics. I write thinking, “What can I do to help other parents?” And then, BOOM! Another blog appears. Thanks for reading! As always, take what you can use and leave the rest. Keep smiling. And stay informed.
Affirmation: I forgive myself for believing when I’m bullied it’s my fault because I let it happen, or I was in the wrong place, or I should have known better.
“When I feel bad, I just look at my cats and my courage returns.“
-Charles Bukowski
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negativity energy, go away. Today, I want to discuss and let you see how the girls’ practice self-care. It’s such an integral part of staying both mentally and physiclally healthy. And I have tried to impress upon the them the importance of this concept. I will take you cat by cat to prove that they have grasped the idea of the importance of self-care.
COCO
Spread out and give yourself roomGet plenty of rest.Feel your feelings and stay safe.Find a safe place
Tinkerbell
Make new friendsDo yoga.Eat a good old fashioned snow cone.Exercise
Make sure you get plenty to eat.
Piper
Find healthy outlet for your anger.Stay nice and warm.Stay hydrated even if it’s your momma’s drink.Ask for what you need.
AND ABOVE ALL….PRAY!
I hope that you’ve enjoyed this blog. Always remember that self-care isn’t a chore. It’s a necessity. Keep smiling!. And keep reading!
Affirmation: I choose to relax and enjoy the moment.
“The National Institute on Drug Abuse states, “The brain of a chronic toluene abuser is smaller compared to someone with no history of inhalant abuse.”
-Neil Rosenberg, M.D., NIDA Research Report
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negativity energy, go away. Today, I want to discuss something that many teenagers experiment with, inhalants. Abusing inhalants isn’t a new thing. As it was very popular 35 years ago. And when you’re a kid without access to money, getting “high” is just a short walk away to the family utility shed. I’ll give you some facts. And then I’ll tell my story.
First, let me describe what “huffing” is even though it’s self-explanatory. Huffing is the act of inhaling chemical vapors from common household products to get high. And it’s a dangerous form of substance abuse. Even though it might seem less risky, huffing can be even more dangerous with potentially severe and fatal consequences (https://evokewellnessoh.com, 2024).
The primary chemical in many dusters is HFC-134a, which act as propellant and refrigerant. Inhaling duster fumes can be dangerous. It can lead to serious side effects such as liver problems, breathing problems and death. Duster and other inhalants aren’t considered control substances and can be bought most anywhere.
Air dusters also contain other ingredients such as:
· Difluoroethane can cause heart issues and loss of consciousness.
· Nitrous Oxide can cause dizziness, vomiting and nausea.
· Alkyl Nitrites can cause increased heart rate or vomiting.
· Butane can affect the heart leading to sudden death.
· Propane which can cause convulsions and loss of consciousness.
Other possible side effects are:
· heart irregularities
· unconsciousness
· irritation of the nose, throat, and lungs
· coughing
· difficulty breathing
· shortness of breath
· irregular pulse
· palpitations
· inadequate circulation
· abnormal kidney function
· frostbite of the nasal cavity
· breakdown of muscle tissue
· liver damage
· suffocation due to displacement of air inside the lungs
· coma
· convulsions
· brain or nerve damage
· bone marrow damage
· choking on vomit after using an inhalant
· sudden sniffing death, which is when a person dies suddenly after breathing in an inhalant due to cardiac arrest (https://medicalnewstoday.com, 2025).
Over a fifteen-year period, teens in the US abused more than 3,400 products through inhalation. The age range was from 6 to over 50 years old. Teen boys accounted for 73.5% of cases. Of those with known outcomes from emergency room visits, 208 died and more than 1,000 experienced life-threatening or permanent disabilities (www.poison.org, 2025).
· More than 22.98 million Americans have abused inhalants at least once in their lifetime.
· And over the past two decades, less than 1% of individuals aged 12 and older report past year use in 2023.
· Inhalants are typically used by younger adolescents, with 4% 8th graders having used in the last year. The peak age is 14 years old.
· Inhalant abuse is less common in adults but does occur, especially among those with access to chemicals (https://www2.courtinfor.ca.gov, 2025).
· Only 25% of inhalant abusers tested in emergency rooms had no effects. Most had serious effects or died (www.poison.org, 2025).
Toluene is a chemical found in common products including nail polish, paint thinners, adhesives. It is also used to aid in the production of benzene, other chemicals, pharmaceuticals, and dyes. Toluene can also be found in printing inks, varnishes, lacquers, and some types of glues (www.OSHA.gov, 2025).
Another product that is popular among teens, which can be bought at any “head shop” is “whip-its.” It is nitrous oxide which cuts off oxygen to the brain, creating a euphoric high that lowers mental and physical pain. And it is used to make whipped cream. Using nitrous for recreational purposes is illegal. And you can be fined or jailed for violating inhalant laws (www.webmd.com, 2025). Lock me up!
I’ll be the first to admit that “huffing” was always one of my favorite ways to get “high.” Second, only to pills. It began when I started sniffing White Out. I would cover the page with it and then roll it up and start sniffing the fumes. Same thing went for gasoline. I would put a little on a rag when I filled up with gas. And then held it to my nose and inhaled deeply. All while I was driving. I know. Safety scores are totally negative. And for many years I would quit. Always heavily involved in other types of addictions.
Once the stress of my life engulfed me while I was in undergraduate and beginning graduate school, I would start huffing again. And I found my “main squeeze” in computer duster. Mainly, because it was much cheaper than other things. I was in therapy at the time. And the stress of life and the ever-hovering PTSD symptoms had me huffing every chance I got, especially after therapy. And one day I had left therapy, grabbed my can of duster from underneath the seat and started huffing as fast as I could to get the “incorrect” EMDR effects out of my brain. And when the chemicals hit, they hit hard. Suddenly, I couldn’t figure out how to work my steering wheel. I ran up on the curb and over corrected and spun across four lanes of traffic. Luckily, there were no cars coming. I sit for a second and realized that everything was ok. Still much higher than I should’ve been to drive, I cranked my Honda CRV and headed in the direction of a potential future employer. But during my stupor I forgot to look for vehicles coming from the right as I was about to make a left turn. And the next thing I remember is hearing the horrible sound of glass breaking and a loud boom. My luck had just run out. I had inadvertently pulled out into the back wheels of an eighteen-wheeler. And for a split second I thought, “Wow! This is it. Jesus, I’m on the way!” The next thing I remember is feeling intense pain but unsure where. An ambulance picked me up from the scene. What I didn’t realize at the time was that the eighteen-wheeler had gone over the top of the cab and crashed it in. Nevertheless, I was terrified that I would be getting a DUI. But there was no way to test for an aerosol. So, I vowed to keep my mouth shut. They did do a toxicology test, but an aerosol is from the lungs not the blood. And I would live with battle wounds. I vowed to never touch that stuff again. But I would always carry that little behavior not as a first choice. But still a choice I would always have for private viewing. I thought that I was finally scared of addiction and the dark forces that surround it.
After many of doing without it while engaging in self-harm, illicit drugs, and alcohol, I would begin again while living in Texas for a couple of years. But this time, it was spray paint. They both get you “high,” however, duster can give you a very panicky “high.” If it do it too much, it becomes downright scary. To this day, I still deal with huffing. I know that it’s typically done in teenage years. But that’s when one of my biggest traumas occur day after day. And in many ways, I am still that same rebellious and very hurt teen.
If you know of someone who is “huffing,” help them stop NOW! Because years later they will look up and realize they’re an adult who’s still “huffing,” if not dead. It might seem harmless, but it’s not. I hope some of this educational material will bring more attention to a very common problem with inhalants. Thanks for reading! Take what you can use and leave the rest.
“Always remember, if you have been diagnosed with PTSD, it is not a sign of weakness; rather, if is proof of your strength, because you have survived!”
-Unknown
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Today, I want to take time out from celebrating Pride, to give light to National PTSD Awareness Day. This one hit hard as I’ve lived with PTSD longer than I’ve lived without it. And there are so many of us who don’t make it to the other end of the tunnel. It’s an incredibly dark place to wake up to and go to sleep with every night.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) dates back to ancient civilizations and military conflicts. Terms used early on included “combat-related stress,” “shellshock,” “combat fatigue,” and “railway spine.” In the 1800s and early 1900s, the “talking cure: was popularized by Sigmund Freud and introduced in medical literature. And the treatment went from psychoanalysis to electric shock treatment. By the 1950s, the treatments had become more humane. However, now people would not admit to any traumatic symptoms due to the stigma. So, group therapy and psychotropic medications were introduced (blackbearrehab.com, 2025).
In the 1970s Vietnam veterans began experiencing a lot of psychological problems that persisted even after returning home. And survivors of domestic abuse were also included. In the 1980s, PTSD was officially recognized as a mental health problem. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders adopted the diagnosis where it has remained (blackbearrehab.com, 2025).
PTSD is a developed from a traumatic event. C- PTSD when a traumatic event continues for months and years or multiple events occur. The intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, insomnia, avoidance, memory problems, detachment from friends and family, feeling emotionally numb, hyper startle, irritability, trouble concentrating, impulsive behavior, paranoia, severe anxiety, nightmares, suicidal ideations and actions and uncontrollable thoughts about the event. And over time, these symptoms completely devour who you once were (MayoClinic.org, 2025).
I know that PTSD is typically related to soldiers. I am here to tell you that I never went into the military. But the PTSD that I deal with, as a result of domestic violence, grabbed hold of me and has never let go. It has completely stripped me of everything that I used to enjoy. I don’t care about relationships. I question people about their intentions, even if they’re pure and good. I’m constantly waiting for the next shoe to drop. I don’t have typical reactions to being scared. I could see a moth out, of the corner of my peripheral vision, and then jump and scream like Jeffery Dahmer was staring at me and about to take the first bite. I face the stigmas of both friends and family mainly due to a lack of understanding. However, the reasearch information is everywhere. Sometimes others just need to their own leg work. I have come to realize that instead of trying to find out how PTSD affects someone that you love, it’s “the easy way out” to just to be dismissive, embarrassed and judgmental instead. The attitude is “just change X behavior.” Without having a solution, the resounding message of “just make it go away” further ostracizes the person that you say you care about. And so the anticipated glimmer of hope dissipates further isolating the individual. And sadly, can lead to suicide.
PTSD is not about you, it’s about them. It’s just a diagnosis until it’s “you” that experiences it every day. It has taken me down to the point of putting a gun in my mouth. And because living in the abuse was so severe, I actually pulled the trigger after pointing the gun at my torso. It missed my heart by only a few centimeters. Nothing was messed up to the point of needing surgery. But self-harm is something that I’ve dealt with since I was a 13-year-old child. And I had no idea how to deal with all the overwhelming emotions of abuse. In that cold, dark closet where I began to self-harm, and as maladaptive as the behavior is, it worked. It was the only thing that worked to bring me back to complete balance. But the problem is that it became a true addiction issue that I continue to struggle with. And before you ask, yes I’ve done a lot of therapy. It’s not that the therapy doesn’t. It’s that the addiction is that strong.
PTSD is a true injury on the brain. The brain’s job is to help you survive in any way possible. So, we reach for anything to help calm the barrage of intrusive thoughts, memories, smells and sounds. And once it’s been damaged through a traumatic event, it creates a “work around” solution. What typically works? Self-harm and substance abuse creates almost instant comfort. You don’t have to wait for 6-8 weeks to reach your therapeutic dose efficacy to begin working. It’s an immediate fix that some of have to use just to stay alive.
Cannabis was recommended when all other “Big Pharma” medications failed. And it has saved my life on a daily basis ever since. Cannabis seems to put a cloud over my brain saying, “Settle just for a moment.” And for that moment, I can take a break from the constant paranoia and overstimulation of a brain that wanted to do nothing more than survive. And that, is my battlefield. It wasn’t in Iraq, Afghanistan or Vietnam. My battlefield is everywhere I go. I fear people and social situations in a way that most cannot understand.
It literally takes me about a week in advance to start prepping to leave my house just to go to pick up medications,that I,unfortunately have to take. But I don’t take anymore psych meds. I was extremely sick, coming off all the meds that I had been begging for over two years to be tapered off. And I got tired of waiting, so I did it myself. I don’t advise this way because it was a really miserable process. However, I was at a point of desperation. And now about 6 months later, I feel like a new human being after the toxic feeling of all the medications. All of my true feelings and emotions have awakened, and I really like feeling somewhat comfortable at times.
My personal opinion is that anyone returning home from the active duty should be handed an ounce of weed the minute they step off the plane to do with as they wish. And it would be perfectly ok if they gave it away. That’s like paying it forward in “Weed-O-Nomics.” As it stands, soldiers come home from a war that never ends. And they are committing suicide at a rate of 22 soldiers a day. And that is less than unacceptable.
As the topic of cannabis continues to circulate among social circles and national politics, I hope that veterans from our military will step out against the shame that is felt from social stigmas. And reach for the plant that can “help take the gun out of your mouth.” Cannabis doesn’t cure PTSD because it wasn’t the one who caused it. But it does make things much more tolerable.
Thanks for reading! Happy Pride everyone!
Affirmation: I am resilient and capable of healing.
“It’s not the child’s responsibility to teach the parent who they are, it’s the parent’s responsibility to know who their child is.”
-Tig Notaro
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away! I hope everyone’s Pride month is going well. There’s just something about Pride month that feels so unique to the rest of the year. To me it’s almost like coming out of the closet for one month every year. The release of finally stepping out of that smothering closet into your truth and say, “This is who I am!” And after the chaos that can happen, at the end of the day, you can finally sleep soundly knowing that you just set yourself free. You no longer have to pretend that you’re one way or another to appease, yet another, non-affirming straight person who wants to tell you how many different ways that you’re going to Hell. And for my fellow trans brothers and sisters, it can be so much more difficult.
First, you must understand what the term “Transgender” means. Transgender is very simply, when someone has the brain of one gender and the body of another gender. It’s difficult for many to understand. If you don’t understand, then you were never transgender. I’ll admit that I don’t understand everything. But that’s not the point. The point is that the person or people are my friends, and I accept them for whoever they are or want to be. And I understand how difficult that can be.
Transitioning is so much more difficult than just saying that you’re trans. They go through physical, psychological and emotional changes. Not only do they have to say, ‘I’m different.” They also have to say, “I’m switching genders.” Based on the way that my family reacted to my own coming out, I would rather dive headfirst into a vat of hot lava instead of telling them that I was switching genders. I’m considered “soft butch” and there are a lot of problems because I’m not the stereotypical female.
Let me explain a few things.
· Transgendering behaviors are peppered throughout history in ancient civilizations and cultures of the world.
· In the nineteenth century, people like Karl Ulrichs began to describe “gender confusion” as being “female psyche caught in a male body.”
· The Early 20th century the Germans began studies and treatments for gender dysphoria.
· In the 1950’s transgender rights in the United States began with Christine Jorgensen’s surgery coming to public attention.
· 1960’s the term “transgender” appeared and then medical treatments like hormone therapy and gender affirming surgeries became possible.
· 1970’s The very first clinic dedicated to transgender health care opened in Canada.
· 1980-Present the term “transgender” was popularized and the moment began to build momentum(HRC.org, 2024).
Transitioning can be something as simple as having a new hairstyle, name, pronoun or style of clothing. Not everyone transitions all the way through surgery. Some people have complete top and bottom surgery and hormones. And others do hormones and choose not to do surgery for several reasons. The complete process is individual to the person. And your opinions will not influence this. It’s not about you and your wants and needs! It’s about them.
I wish that some of you could be on this side of the “public bathroom” argument and realize how utterly ridiculous you sound. They want to simply use the bathroom that reflects their gender. They don’t want your precious “dangling genitalia” or your “cooterville.” And equally ignorant is the statement about being dangerous to kids. Let me make one thing perfectly clear, a lot of the time you won’t be able to identify these individuals by just looking at them. The whole concept of transitioning is about change. And not everyone transitions at the same pace. Peeing and pooping happens no matter what your gender. After my own sexual abuse, I would feel safer leaving my children with someone who is transgender versus someone who is straight and religious.
That does not mean that I don’t love God through my own beliefs. It means that some of the people that I distrust the most are religious people I’ve been around. And no, I don’t believe that all religious people are harmful. I have some very beautiful christian people in my life that have become a backbone of strength for me. But my trauma has taught me since the age of 5 years old to be incredibly careful around people who say they love Jesus and then use that as a weapon to manipulate and hurt others. I watch actions and not religious rhetoric.
And the military argument? Really?! Like what soldier is going to say prior to his/her life being saved by someone who is transgender, “Wait! Drop your drawers. Do you have one a “banana hammock” or a “clam snuggler?” I wouldn’t care and would be screaming, “Kill this ISIS asshole!” And they are willing to lay their own lives down for a country that does not see them as equal or as deserving as their straight battle buddies. Think about that for a second. They are going out risking and laying down their lives for people who live in some kind of world where random acts of violence are conducted by a “Trans Monster” seeking out children and virginities. I have never seen so much stupidity until “Trans Rights” came into question.
If you think coming out as a gay person is difficult, talk to one of the Transgender Warriors. The term “transexual” is a very outdated and derogatory term. A transexual is the same thing as a cross dresser. There are no hormones or surgery involved. And drag queens and drag kings are not the same as transgender. Some do perform as kings and queens. However, transgender is not only when the individual dresses like the opposite gender. I have met some of these beloved and very courageous people. And I can tell you that a lot of people who transition are some of the most appealing and sexiest people on the planet. And don’t think that they have an insatiable sexual appetite like what is assumed by those not under the rainbow umbrella. Trust me, they have standards too.
I will always be an advocate for Transgender Rights. They deserve the same rights as anyone else. And I believe that if they are brave enough to go fight for my rights, then they’re also deserving of the same rights. They are fighting for our freedoms as I sit and write blogs with a cat in my lap. Have the courage to stand up for these people who are even more marginalized than I am. And to all of my trans friends and family, “I stand with you! You are deserving of love and compassion. You are not wrong. You are loved and accepted. And YOU ARE ENOUGH!”
Thanks for reading! Take what you can use and leave the rest. You are Wanted, Needed and Loved! Happy Pride Everyone!
Affirmation: Your gender and authenticity are beautiful.
“Two wrongs don’t make a right, but two joints made my night.”
-Unknown
Light the charcoal. Sprinkle the sage. Negative energy go away. Okie dokie! Today, I’m going to review strains that go along with Pride. Since I’m a lesbian, it wouldn’t be nice of me not to mention the part of the parade that I enjoy watching. It’s the “Dykes On Bikes” portion of the parade where some of the most masculine lesbians ride through on their motorcycles. And I assure you that your fragile masculinity could be smashed by some of these ladies. “Lady Lesbians Of The Bikes” I honor you with the cannabis strain with the Blues Brothers’s Label: Motorbreath.
This greasy, yet sexy, hybrid strain was actually named from a song called Motorbreath on Metallica’s 1983 album Kill’Em All. The diesel taste feels like it would be better suited on their Garage Days album. Anyway, what a pleasant surprise to find out those origins that lead back to my favorite heavy metal band of all time, Metallica. The nostalgia of this entire product just floods me with so many good memories. Because the taste will take you back, while the effects wrap you up.
Jim Belushi and Dan Aykroyd actually own Blues Brothers brand. John Belushi was a comedian and actor who traveled with Dan Aykroyd and performed as Jake and Elwood Blues. John Belush eventually died of a drug overdose. And his brother has been building a cannabis business in his honor. Jim Belushi stated in his reality program Belushi Farms, “Had my brother had access to medical cannabis, he would still be alive.”
This strain while definitely “stinky,” with some diesel fumes isn’t as heavy as the GMO strain. And it is ever since of the word “hybrid.” It feels like a sativa until the gassy, indica back end catches you. The strain has a lineage of Chemdog and SFV OG KUSH (San Fernando Valley). This would be a good strain for a lunch break if you can tolerate the indica effects. It’s used for chronic pain and stress. I think that it’s a strain for beginner or moderate users. And more of a “chill” strain for us experienced users. However, at 28.4% THC it won’t take long before it disables you for your entire lunch break. An Absolutely great hybrid in my book. The terpene profile is Caryophyllene, Myrcene and Limonene. This indica-dominant hybrid is definitely 4.25 out of 5 on the rating scale. A uniquely beautiful strain that will help many people no matter where on the continuum you reside. Way to go Blues Brothers!
“Dykes On Bikes” comeback you forgot your diesel! Happy Pride, everyone!
This Puzzled Life 